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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
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To begin with, I want to say three things:
1. This question is going have too long of a description.
2. I don't want to consult a psychiatrist. I want advice specifically from North Americans as it is a matter between them and me.
3. I am from India and I don't think that it should have been that way.
As I said, I was born in North India and that's where the problem really starts.
I am a male and I have been born into a Hindu family (Hinduism is a religion). I have been educated in a Roman Catholic school. It was a nice school but I didn't make friends there. I am 20 now. Right now I am pursuing Computer science in a random college in India. I have been open to few different cultures and religions ranging from Hinduism, Islam, Christianity, North America, United Kingdom, Spain, China, Japan etc. But I get nostalgic and emotional when it comes to North America.
And for the last few months I have been disturbed.
Before I start flowing into emotions here's the question: Is the following feeling justified in any way to be normal ?
I have started to see America as my place and Americans as my family. I don't know how many of you will actually welcome this thought of mine, but that's really what I have been thinking about lately and it has been confusing me much like an identity crisis a refugee would have to go through. I was never so much attached to any other country or to any other culture in my life. As I said, I have exposed myself to many different cultures, I have gone deep into studying the religion of my country, I have learnt Urdu and Spanish all by myself, I have been born into a nation which is very much obsessed with British culture (mostly because of colonial rule), but I have never felt connected to any of these things. I have always felt connected to America, to its culture, to everything. I have started listening to folk songs and I love them. When I hear about the history of the constitution of America, when the declaration of Independence was signed by the founding fathers, I get emotional as if I was an American. I do not hate my country. I know many people sacrificed their lives to make India independent but I just can't connect to it. I am not an emotional person, but whenever I see videos of junior highs or high schools of America, I feel like I missed the opportunity of being there. The chairs, the classrooms, the lockers, it all makes me feel like I have lived it. I never feel the same way for my school even if I have actually been to an Indian school and not an American school. Why do I feel so much about a place and a culture that I am not a part of,so much that I want to immigrate to America permanently - not as an Indian American but as an American. I don't have any grudge with my country or it's people, but it's just that I feel home when I think about America. And I know that it is not because America is a developed country and that I hail from a third world country, that I don't get as much freedom in my country as Americans do in America. I understand that difference very clearly. It's not a monetary but an emotional connection. Every culture is great and I respect that, but I think that I am an American at heart. I have always felt that. I don't know how many would be able to relate to it, but I would obviously love to die if that would mean being born again as an American among my people. Please don't see me as an intruder. I know many Americans don't entertain the idea of immigration and I can understand that. But I am like you. I am a part of America.
And the other part of the question:
Coming from a third world country will I be able to "fit into" the social circle, because I am really looking forward to coming to America after my studies get over. I am working very hard.
PS: To make things clear, I know people who want to come to America because it would provide them more opportunities and they would be able to earn in dollars. But that is not my case. I love America as my home, not as a money making machine.
I really want to know if I am on the correct path and making the right decision by making this big change. We have to accept, changing a country willingly, whatever be the reason, is a tough decision in a man's live. There are many things I know about America which aren't very pleasant. Everything in America is not a bed of roses. Life is tough there, there are crimes, laws are cruel sometimes, some people are too insane, some places are very dangerous. I know all that. But I love the way it is. In spite of all that, I feel I have a family there. I don't know the reason why all this has happened to me. Maybe you can figure it out.
Razhie had good points about how you might be accepted. Due to much publicity about terrorism, and many very uninformed or unknowing or bigoted people, just for your darker skin color, you could easily be looked at as if you were a terrorist. When scared or plain stupid, people dont stop to think you might be from Ethiopia or Afghanistan, or India or Iran, Iraq or Saudi Arabia.
Not that I have heard of any gangs going out seeking out people of darker skin, but racism and preferences to white people still exist as I witnessed in a restaurant to a black couple and what happened to a black girlfriend. Still America is a melting pot of many different races. Some areas have bigger settlements of hispanics, blacks, slavic originating, and asian. So when the time comes to move here, do the research ahead to see where across the US there are towns or cities with a high concentration or at least larger than average group of citizens of East Indian background.
As for why you feel this way, I think many people find they have a feeling of affinity for or at least a yearning to visit a certain country and feel drawn to it more sometimes than where they were born. For me, it is the UK, for one of my daughters, Japan would be it. I have no good explanation that I can use to prove why. However I do believe your religion hinduism and many others believe in reincarnation. That is the only explanation I have that makes sense to me for myself, that I may have lived several past lives in areas of the UK, especially Ireland, Wales and Scotland. Our soul forgets much of past lives but some of those preference i think just may stick with us, or odd memories that we have no logical reason for. SO for you, coming to live in America, may just be like a journey back home for your soul to a place it knows from before.
Hey my name is amber and I'm 16
so I had 2 Relationships
This year the first one was amazing he made me believe that he'll be my future husband and we even had planes for our future together but no everything crushed and we broke up it hit me really bad i was hurt so I started to talk to other boys a week later even tho i still loved him i wanted to forget about him and move on so a month and couple days later I had a new boyfriend that I didn't really loved I used him to forget about my ex even tho I understand now that my heart was not ready for someone new but with the time passing I learned to love him. a month and a half later I broke up with him cause he always disappeared and come back 3 days later like nothing happened. And now 4 months later I feel like I can't trust guys anymore I'm sick of getting my heart breaking over and over again I'm starting to think that all the boys are the same and that I prefer to be single forever. y'all think that I'll start to trust guys again and fall in love?
This may not apply to you but I will mention it just in case as it seems to be something that plagues most teens. I was the same at that age, more worried a bout what others thought, plus I had social anxieties and low self esteem and what meant the most was having some true friends...which I had and that helped me to go on. However for some girls, having girlfriends is not enough for them to feel valid and worthwhile as a human being, especially as a young female growing into her femininity, and wanting to know that she is accepted in her own rights as a much desired female. For some, the need is so great that they feel incomplete if they are not dating a guy. And finding a guy, just any guy, whether they are a good guy or the right one for you is more important than anything to feel loved and accepted. I understand you dating another to want to get over the first. I am sorry for that break up but in life, we all face handfuls of breakups at the very least. From jr high to graduating HS, most go through many relationships. They all tend to not last long at this age for many reasons, and some are due to things you can't change at the moment, the naiveness, and immaturity of age and lack of life knowledge yet gathered on dating because you're not old enough to have 10 years background of dating or more yet. So break ups come with the territory. Also, girls find guys their age to be immature and lots of guys don't grow up and figure out what they want until late 20s or so. I know that doesnt help how you are feeling right now but during HS, I feel that relationships should be more about trying out things and practicing, getting used to what works and what doesn't and not to take relationships too seriously. Even in college guys may not be ready yet for a serious relationship. Guys at 16 are more interested in sex than in finding a long lasting and healthy rewarding relationship...thats just the way it is. That doesnt mean that you could find one or two that may be mature and be looking for that now.
Yes, you'll fall in love someday. Or rather, I'll say, come to love another. Loving someone and being in love are 2 separate things to me. I was married to a guy who said he loved me. Well, he loved many nice things about me. However he admitted to a psychologist that he was never in love with me. That commitment is one where the heart is forever tied to the other, caring about how they feel, good emotions or sad and wanting to do what helps them best, be their strength when they are feeling down, driven to seek to please the other first and make them happy, slow to anger and quick to apologize, and enjoy being together so much you cant stand being apart and no other can make you want to desire them and steal you or your partner away because you are so unique inside and out that neither will easily find another just so right for each other.
In HS, no one is looking for that yet, truly. Senior projects are on the mind, going to college or straight to work, what job to do, field to work in, get self a car, own place to live, etc....Thats stuff of the future that is really important in the minds of many teens. Having someone to date is more of a way to pass the time until graduation and moving on to whatever.So you will love again. In HS, I can't say but someday you will love again. Is more of learning patience and doing all you can in the meanwhile to learn the dating do's and don'ts for girls easily found on you tube videos, and also tips for dating, how to talk to guys, how to understand guys. A famous older book, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus goes over those unique differences and it is important to know as those differences are often what cause trouble in relationships if the two don't understand them. Study up on relationships now instead of trying to get one. Its like just hopping into a car without studying traffic rules and just expecting a drive to go smoothly when you dont even know half of what it takes to operate a car let alone the rules. Study now and when you graduate, you can seriously start looking for relationships with what you know.
I'm a 16 year old girl. Okay, so there is this guy I really like. I've liked him since like October. We never really started talking until like January, but after that we became really close friends. Let's call him Derek. Then around easter time we were talking like all day every day, we never seemed to run out of things to talk about. But then for some reason we just kind of stopped texting. Like we are in the same friend group so we still hung out and stuff but we weren't a "thing" anymore. Then this other guy (let's call him George) started talking to me and stuff so that never helped either. Then in like the end of May Derek just started to completely ignoring and treating me like I never even existed. So I confronted him and we got into this huge argument tearing each other apart for things the other person did that hurt the other. Like we used to tell each other everything. Derek knows things about me that no one else on this earth knows. Anyways, we resolved the problem between us and we started talking again and eventually it became more often and consistent and in more depth. Then around exam time we were "otg" hard core and I really liked him and wee had our first "date" all planned and it was awesome! We talked all the time and everything. But then in July we just randomly stop talking...AGAIN!!! So I didn't know what to do and I was really upset because I really liked him. The whole summer I never liked anyone else, and he didn't move on either. When we went back to school he wouldn't talk to me and he still won't. I've talked to both of our very good friends and he said that Derek was really upset that we stopped talking because he really liked me and he thought that I just did't like him and I stopped talking to him which wasn't the case at all. My friend said that he won't talk to me because he thinks it's too awkward. But the thing is I really want to talk to him again. I didn't stop liking him and I want us to become close again because there are some things that I can only talk to him about and without him in my life there are some things that I just have too keep to my life. And he is just so wonderful and I just want him to so badly see that I still have feelings for him, I have since October, that hasn't changed.
Are my feelings realistic or is he over me? Should I wait until he is ready to talk or do you think I should move one? Please help me:(:(
Read more: http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=655472#ixzz3mzPUReXg
I saw your question in the general advice in box before seeing it in my own and have already answered. If you don't see it, let me know and I will re-send it.
I'm a 20 year old female and have started dating my first (slightly younger) boyfriend. He's kind, patient and understanding. However he's told me that he refuses to be the one to call me or go to the door when he visits, and was vague when I asked why. My boyfriend is talkative and outgoing-not a shy guy at all. He also walks outside of the sidewalk when we're together, is polite to my family (who I'm living with for now), and is affectionate. I even told him I would make sure no one but me answered the phone or door, but he still said no. I'm not his first girlfriend either. Is this something I should be concerned about? This may sound naïve coming from someone my age, though I can't help but wonder what it could mean.
Thank you for reading this~
My Dad had a fear of using the phone and made Mom do all the important calls, yet he was outgoing, an extrovert in person and made friends easily. Some people just can't concentrate without a face to focus on or hearing a disembodied voice just messes with their mind. So I wouldn't be concerned.
Can he write you via a social site like Facebook or text, or are those issues too. If it becomes clear that he had more than just these two issues, he may have an actual phobia of some sort.
If you visit him, he is saying he won't come to the door to answer? Cus that part didnt make sense. When he comes to visit you, you say he wont come knock on the door? If so, what does he do? Wait out on the sidewalk hoping you'll be waiting at the window to see him and come meet him outside? If thats the case and he wont enter your house, how did the family get to know him to know he's polite to them. He can't be polite by just waving from the distance from the curb?
He may not have thought out in full what ever it is he is doing that has you questioning it. It could be subconscious....something born of his emotions and fears that are what make him take whatever this 'action' is. Whenever a person has anxieties or phobias, it is due to something more in their mind than something that happened to them in their past and their negative thoughts or unfounded concerns or worries cause them to subconsciously take certain actions that seem odd or weird to the average person because there is no reason to feel this way other than his thoughts. If he is not ready to want to get beyond it, then either you learn to put up with it and any other strange actions or phobias of his or if this is a deal breaker for you, then let him know and break up with him. You can't force him to get help for it. I am not talking about getting on medications. There are non medical ways to get over things like this. Next time you see him, if he has enough trust in you he might answer if you ask if he has any phobia's or anxiety issues. Then again he may just not be aware he does have any and that it isn't quite normal behavior.
Okay, so there is this guy I really like. I've liked him since like October. We never really started talking until like January, but after that we became really close friends. Let's call him Derek. Then around easter time we were talking like all day every day, we never seemed to run out of things to talk about. But then for some reason we just kind of stopped texting. Like we are in the same friend group so we still hung out and stuff but we weren't a "thing" anymore. Then this other guy (let's call him George) started talking to me and stuff so that never helped either. Then in like the end of May Derek just started to completely ignoring and treating me like I never even existed. So I confronted him and we got into this huge argument tearing each other apart for things the other person did that hurt the other. Like we used to tell each other everything. Derek knows things about me that no one else on this earth knows. Anyways, we resolved the problem between us and we started talking again and eventually it became more often and consistent and in more depth. Then around exam time we were "otg" hard core and I really liked him and wee had our first "date" all planned and it was awesome! We talked all the time and everything. But then in July we just randomly stop talking...AGAIN!!! So I didn't know what to do and I was really upset because I really liked him. The whole summer I never liked anyone else, and he didn't move on either. When we went back to school he wouldn't talk to me and he still won't. I've talked to both of our very good friends and he said that Derek was really upset that we stopped talking because he really liked me and he thought that I just did't like him and I stopped talking to him which wasn't the case at all. My friend said that he won't talk to me because he thinks it's too awkward. But the thing is I really want to talk to him again. I didn't stop liking him and I want us to become close again because there are some things that I can only talk to him about and without him in my life there are some things that I just have too keep to my life. And he is just so wonderful and I just want him to so badly see that I still have feelings for him, I have since October, that hasn't changed.
Are my feelings realistic or is he over me? Should I wait until he is ready to talk or do you think I should move one? Please help me:(:(
When two people can talk for hours and never run out of things to say, that is a good sign that there is good chemistry between you two. I can't tell you why you stop talking but I can mention a thing or two that might contribute to that.
One could be both your ages. H.S. relationships rarely last beyond H.S. due to inexperience and things we unknowingly do that may contribute to hurting or breaking up a relationship. It is definitely a time to be learning and shying away from this or any relationship will only delay your learning process about relationships. So its better to just face it.
Another could be that since you mentioned talking all day long, that would have left little to no time to have alone time, cave time for a guy, and for a girl call it her time to unwind, have time to chill on her own. Some people need that more than others. Me, a little time reading a book even if hubby is in same room is alone time to me as I am not conversing with him. Some people want even more time alone to spend working on a hobby of theirs that their partner has no interest in pursueing for self but dont mind you doing. If into jewelry making, you can't put 100% effort into your work and still really be there for a full in depth convo.
Third, sometimes our own negative thoughts cause our problems and issues in life. It sounds like both of you are doing a thought distortion of "Jumping To Conclusions" made up of a combo of the 'fortune telling" and "mind reading". Fortune telling is predicting things like "I can't contact him/her first because they are angry at me for something I dont know about and I just know they'll blow up at me and we'll have another fight. Mind reading is assuming to know what the other is thinking and its amazing how many people do mind reading instead of asking questions, the questions that count, not stuff like how did you do on the test in Algebra? So mind reading here is, "The reason he's not contacting me is that after really getting to know me, he thinks I am boring so he's avoiding me. Neither of you know why you stop but if both wait for the other to talk first, then neither of you will. So who's braver, who has the balls to just go for it? Whats the worst that could happen? Answer that in your mind. And whats the best that could happen? Now weigh the risks of discovering the worst compared to not hearing and not knowing anything at all. Which sounds better to you? For me, agonizing over why we aren't talking is more painful and on going for ever while talking first to a person and trying to find out what the issues are, the needs are, may result in an argument but also can end up finding a permanent solution and as far as uncomfortable, awkward and painful, is a much shorter process.
Then you start using 'Emotional Reasoning' since you have feelings for him and not hearing from him leads you to feeling abandoned, neglected or hated or wondering if you are expecting too much from him. When I was your age, I battled negative cognitions (thoughts) as you do and I know now that it can be so self defeating and hold you back from enjoying life and moving through life and experiencing things. I find it interesting you both have talked to other to find out whats going on with each other but have not gone straight to each other. If too chicken to call him or show up on his doorstep, then send him a note via a social media you're on together asking to meet in person. Don't air out your issues or differences on line. You leave yourselves open to misunderstanding and friends jumping in with their opinions when they also have as little dating experience as you do compared to people twice your age. If he doesnt respond to your note in a couple days, show up at his doorstep then. Have a good talk. You might go over whether he needs alone time sometimes. No partner should ever have to entertain their partner like entertaining a 2 yr old all day long to keep them happy and out of trouble. You are becoming young adults and should be able to spend some time alone apart or even in each others presence. If one 'needs' constant contact and entertainment from their partner, they can come across as being a needy person without a life of their own. Adding in a boyfriend to your life should enhance it, not create your life. That saying "Get a Life!" does not mean get yourself a partner. Be a whole person first, have some of your own activities you like that he isn't part of, and he needs to be following this same advice.
You might want to start learning about cognitive distortions and how those negativ thoughts can affect your relationships and life in negative ways. If interested in studying that, let me know and I can point you in the right direction.
Just so you know, I don't think there is such a thing as 'randomly' stopping talking to a person. A person can become busy maybe family responsibilities, followed by family vacation followed by the start of a summer job, etc... and time gets away from a person. It happens to all of us. But when it happens, it is common courtesy to let ones friend or sweetheart know that its nothing they have done wrong, you still care about them but are way too busy to have time for them right now. But you'll make an occasional short call or text from time to time until your busy time is over. Now, as far as caring about another person, heres something both of you can learn, how to put yourselfs in the other persons shoes, it means to be able to imagine how the other person feels. If you can do this, you'd know that they are going to be wondering why they haven't heard from you and if they may have hurt your feelings somehow. Even if it involves hurt feelings, all relationships have that and it takes two people bein mature enough to ask if they offended, and if so, to apologize and then CHOOSe to not repeat the offense, there is no 'trying', just doing the right thing. And it involves forgiving. When two people have feelings for each other, they want the best for each other, not to leave their sweetie wondering, hurting and feelings neglected. It hurts me worse to see my hubby worrying from stress and not being able to wave a magic wand and make it go away. I don't like to see him hurt or upset, nor he with me so we do not ever let things go on beyond the current day. We approach whatever is going on right then, each day. Why wait and suffer even one more day with unresolved issues? Thats just silly, isn't it? So, if its silly to let another and then another day go by without trying to make each other feel better which is what you do if you love someone, why are you or he waiting? FEAR. and you may not know exactly what it is you fear. But the best way to tackle fear is to meet it face on. Fear is nothing more than a bully without and real strength. Face it, even though scary at first and by time you are midway through doing that which you fear, the fear will disappear altogether and never return and you'll find it easier in the future to communicate with each other and not let time get away from you.
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http://kernunnas.tumblr.com
1 or 2????
Idc about which is easyer. Im just wondering about the style best???
number 2 looks windblown, no real styling time invested whereas number 1 looks like a curling iron might have been used as the hair lays towards the back in chunks that have a slight curl. If your hair was cut as number 1 and you didn't use a curling iron, the longer parts would most likely end up looking a bit more like #2. Two reminds me of the look of bed head easily achieved by rubbing styling gel into your hands and gathering up your hair in hands to scrunch it up tight and hold for a bit to get that effect. I used to do that. I also long long ago used a curling iron and between both methods, the gel hand scrunching method is faster and less fuss. Other than that, personal taste in looks is what should matter most to you as neither one looks less nice than the other.
So in wanting to know which is best, you
would have to supply for us exactly what it is that you want to know it is better than. Such as best at holding the style thru out the day, better on time invested in achieving the look, better at getting flattering comments which is hard to answer when we don't know your face shape. Considering face shape and one side shaved or short, some face shapes do better with longer or more volume hair than short. So if the shape of your face is not a good match for this type of style, then in fact neither of them may look good on you but its a chance you need to take.
My name is Carly and I am 16 and my question is that i like this guy and from my knowledge he liked me before i liked him but i didn't know him that well when he was interested in me but later on i got to know him and he was amazing in every way but the night i told him i liked him he kind of started acting weird and saying he doesn't like me anymore but every time i see him at school he is always staring at me and talking to his friends about me but i'm not quite sure i know what they say about me and i just need some clarification on what i should do? I'm really confused on what he really feels or is he actually lying about his feelings to me or what he saying is true?
If he's still staring at you, then there is an attraction or interest of some sort. It just may be that in the meanwhile, he found someone else he started to date. If there's no one you can see that seems to be his girlfriend at school, then it may be an LDR. So you'll need to talk to him.
Tell him you've had some time to observe him since he asked you out or said he liked you and came to like what you saw. Then say something about how maybe it wasn't fair to just reveal you now liked him without finding out first if he is still single or seeing someone or made a commitment to someone. If thats the case you want to apologize. But you would like to know now if that is the case. If he says no, then you could ask him if his interest in you has changed. If he says yes, then you could say that his body language says the opposite because of how often he is looking at you. Or, maybe one of his buddies he's been talking to while looking at you is actually interested in you now. If so, you would still like to know where you stand, as far as who is interested in who. Good luck
am 18 from lagos,my boyfrnd always finger me nd i do release,does that mean am been disvirgin and secondly how does a hymen look like
Hello again, I answered the other question. Females have two different kinds of wetness they release if thats what you are talking about. If you meant orgasms, I'll cover that too.
First, there is the lubrication a female gets when aroused that helps for the penis to enter. this is a thicker fluid and acts as a personal lubricant however many still find they need lubricant besides that and that is fine.
Women also had their own version of releasing cum with an orgasm as males do. Not all women have learned to do this but of those it comes to naturally, some have a missing tube where instead of the fluid flowing out of her vagina, it goes straight into her bladder, so not all females are physically capable of gushing or squirting as some have come to call it.
If talking about having an orgasm the first time you have sex, then you are one of the lucky ones because most are just exploring, scared, uptight and nervous, or just dont know what to do and learn to have orgasms later. Part of it is learning how to understand and know what to give your partner in order to have the best sex and communication goes a long ways toward achieving that and the orgasms but sometimes, two people just naturally do something the first time that works for both in bringing on orgasms.
As for what hymens look like, you can put in a internet search titled hymens, and then choose images and you should have plenty of photos as to what it looks like.
Hey guys how's it going
I really need someone who's an expert in taking the right supplements on the right time with the right gym program.
It's true food is irreplaceable but I can't afford that much or even eat that much. A cup of shakes costing 50$ per month is all I can afford on a monthly basis.
Athleticism:
Cardio every week; basketball or football or sometimes randomly 2 hours of jogging and sprints with breaks in between.
I'm 19 years old
143 pounds(65kgs)
I once subscribed in a gym with a program called "periodized cycle" program from the bodybuilding website. Jim Stoppani's Shortcut to Size is what the program is called.. It was quite good for a month but I didn't take any supplements.
The coach there said I'm so skinny(It's true I'm 65-66 kilo grams, but everyone, even I can swear I'm so damn skinny. I have the abs because of the cardio and my skinniness.) He said I need to take mass gainers AND whey protein along with the periodized cycle.
I can't afford that so I was thinking after a couple of research to take Casein alone or Whey alone since I can't afford two things at once. Or umm Mass Gainers alone with the periodized program.
If anyone is an expert in this please please I need a suggestion, no, recommendations for what program to follow and which shake to drink.
Much much appreciated.
I dont know whether you're male or female. But I will go with male.Your gym trainer is not a dietician or a doctor and has no idea what is "Needed" or not.
You said you are 19, and if male, I understand wanting to have some heft to your physique to look good but heft doesn't necessarily mean health, and being skinny doesn't mean you are unhealthy.
Muscles weigh more than fat. Some people have a high metabolism that means they burn up energy from food so quick there is no chance for a layer of fat to settle on their frame. That was me as a female until I hit fifty and my metabolism finally has slowed some.
You mentioned having abs that show which means your muscles are in good shape with your exercise routine. I will say from my own experience in life of different men who by looks seemed like they did body building, some did not, just had a daily job where they got the type of exercise that made them looked ripped. Then I remember the husband buying a weight set off a guy who decided to use a gym that had more options. He worked out daily and the guy looked really lean and skinny so I asked how often he worked out as his muscles didn't seem so big. He proceeded to work out on the set he was selling his to prove his muscle strength. He then explained that some mens natural muscles even when worked out, will stay long and lean instead of becoming big and bulky looking. I also know that many guys may think their body is done growing by 20 or mid 20s and yet thats not true. Both my ex and my current husband had bodies not done growing yet and the bodies they had at their 20s didnt compare to what began happening in mid thirties. My current husband (i didnt know him at the time) said when he hit his 30s, and he broadened out and used to be pretty much hairless on his body and over his 30s grew so much body hair there isn't a part of his body not covered in lots of hair exept the palms of hands and bottom of feet. I call him my
sasquatch in teasing. Thats a BIG difference. Your frame may continue to bulk out and grow naturally as the years go by. I don't see a need for protein products or worse...steroids to acheive a certain look.
If you're female, its good to be healthy and in shape but if you don't naturally have the weight you think you should have, stop worrying. Not all guys want a model type, most of all that is faked, air brushed and not real to begin with, the truth is women come in all shapes and sizes that are natural and each has their own taste in women. However, I have yet to find a guy who says they like a female who has the bulked up muscles of a body builder. So if female, dont even go there.
am 18 from lagos, somehow confused,av never had sex before in my life until my boyfriend inserted is penis inside me,although it very hard for him to penetrate bt after penetrating,blood dint come out,does that mean am no longer a virgin?
Not all women bleed their first time, I didn't for one. And I was a virgin. Hymens are elastic and can stretch to accomodate a man but like a rubber band pulled quickly out as far as it can go, theres the possibility of it snapping. I've done that as a kid playing with rubber bands, stretch too far too fast and it tears, breaks and snaps back to sting your fingers. So if a guy goes really slowly and takes his time, it may stretch without tearing. Without tearing, there is no bleeding. The other stretching can come from using tampons or may fingers on yourself or toys in masturbating. And lastly, there will always be a few women who've never used toys but are a bit larger or more stretched out naturally like myself.
So no blood is as normal as show of blood. the only thing that means you are no longer a virgin is once a man has been inside you.
When I was little my aunt always gave me bracelets or some type of jewelry. I would always loose it though. Well for my 14th birthday she got me a necklace and it was super cute! And she told me to wear it everyday. But I play field hockey and we aren't allowed to wear jewlery so I took it off but now I can't find it and I'm pretty sure I've looked everywhere. And she hasn't had a chance to see it on me when I had it so whenever she sees me she'll ask where it is and I tell her it's at home (which I think it is I just don't know where). But anyways I don't know what to tell her. What should I do? (Btw I think it was a little pricey because she said it was real silver)
Tell her the truth, that you have misplaced it at home and searched for it but not found it yet. If you do like wearing jewelry when you can, then you need to form a system and a habit as far as where you store it. Maybe even two places like a jewelry box in your bedroom and if theres room in the bathroom, a standing jewelry tree, wear you can hand earrings, bracelets and necklaces. I wear a ring on every finger but the pinkie and some times in kitchen working with dough or other foods would mess up my rings, so I bought a tiny ceramic container with lid that I left out always on kitchen counter and put my rings in it. Long after the meal was done or the next day, I'd realize I wasn't wearing my rings and they were all where I left them because i had a system I did not change from. If I wasnt near the kitchen or bedroom jewelry box like gardening outside and the rings got in the way, I made myself go back inside and choose one of those two places to take off and leave my rings. I knew I wouldn't remember putting them in a pocket and don't want to risk losing them as most have a sentimental value to me, regardless of the cost of the items.
So I would suggest you come up with such a plan and stick to it no matter how inconvenient at times.
This is somewhat complicated to explain so I'll try to be brief as I can while still being specific enough to get accurate advice. It might be really long and if it is I'm so sorry...but I'm using this as an outlet to get my thoughts straight and hopefully know what to do...
It would mean a lot if you read it all and even just your general thoughts or comments would be GREATLY welcomed and appreciated.
Okay so a little back story:
Anne has been a family friend since long before I was born, and the God Mother of my niece(who my parents are the guardians of). She didn't come around for years due to health and personal issues but about a year ago she started to visit again, and since my niece(who was having major behavioral problems) started doing better when she would visit there, and since Anna and her were so close when she was a toddler she started spending more and more time there until recently she has been mostly living there and she stays every other weekend here.
A few months ago I got caught drinking.
(Before you start saying "you shouldn't do that" and stuff, I acknowledge that and I regret it. I know this isn't an excuse but I really didn't intend to get drunk as I did, I hate getting to the point I can't control myself and have very few times but I understand I made a mistake and accepted my punishment. But I'll explain more later on)
A day or so after that my Mom had me tell Anne who had stopped by. So we went in my room and I told her what I did and she told me a lot of things she's done and if I had anything else in my room she'd get rid of it for me and that I could trust her.
So since I didn't have much other choice and she told me all these things about her, I started trusting her. I opened up to her and told her a lot of stuff I'd done, and we bonded and over the months and got really close. She started buying me alcohol occasionally, along with chewing tobacco and even other things(I would just like to clarify I have never done and never will do hard drugs).
She'd cover for me with my mom and would give me tips on how to cover myself.
I would go to her for advice,
(I told her things involving people I probably really shouldn't of told her and I regretted saying those things shortly after but I trusted her enough to at least not say anything especially since she was involved anyway.[alot of what I told her was while I was under the influence, but it's still not an excuse, I know...)
I didn't think of her as my most important person or anything(that spot is reserved for my best friend, Donna who I'll talk about later) but we were close enough and since Anna lived with us until I was 2 and she was so close to my older siblings, she said I was like a little sister to her and even asked me to be her child's GodMother(Though she later had a miscarriage...) She told me she'd never say anything about what I'd been doing unless she thought it was becoming a real problem to my health or something of the sort or I did something to try and take my niece away from her and I promised her I'd never intentionally do that.
I'd stay the night there sometimes, help out as much as I could, I drove her husband to work for her all the time, even worked for them with there summer long garage sale, but lately, I haven't been seeing her much since she got a job and I can only use my moms car.
But anyway since I got caught that one time, my mom had been really cracking down on me and constantly saying I smell like booze, going through my room occasionally and things like that and I would talk to her about my mom and she'd tell me things my mom (well, at least supposedly) said to her about me and how she thinks I'm into all these horrible drugs and she wants to take Donna away from me and stuff but with Anne I've noticed, as far as I knew she didn't lie but has a tendency to misunderstand/exaggerate some things so I would keep the things she said in thought but didn't think it was 100% with-out-a-doubt-true, especially knowing my mom. So all I really did was tell Donna who is pretty much involved in almost everything I do and I tell everything to(she even trusted Anna and opened up some to her, not as much as me though)
Now finally on to the present time:
Again, sorry for how long it is...
So about two or so weeks ago my mom said I couldn't use her car to take Amanda's husband to work anymore so I couldn't unless Anna gave me vehicle when her other car is fixed. And I've spoken to Anna only a couple times since then. Last I knew we were on good, normal terms.
(I would like to mention, that through the last few months Donna and as a result I have been doing a lot better in terms of drinking and such, we barely do it much at all anymore(at least compared to how we used to) and neither of us want anything to do with drugs or anything of the like and we were never big on smoking. And a lot of that had a lot to do with Donna staring to chew since it was better than what we were doing. And while I'm not as huge on it and since I can't much because I'm always home, I chew on occasion but not a ton)
But continuing on, a couple days ago I came home and my dad asked me why there were chew spitters in my room, I said they were Donna's, boyfriend's since he's 18, and they actually were his. And my dad started joking about it until he said "Anna said they were yours." And I was mad at first but then thought "okay, my mom probably asked her about it and she didn't know what to say" and messaged her asking about it since I wasn't sure if I can call since I don't know what ours she works. She never replied.
My mom started really lecturing me on it every chance she could get since then, and said "if I catch one more thing involving alcohol, drugs or tobacco you will be grounded till' you move out and you wont be seeing Donna if we have to move."
I just thought it was her just rubbing in my face, but today I was asking her about it since I could have sworn there were no spitters in my room.
And after a while she finally told me:
Anna had come while I was gone the other day and my mom mentioned wanting to go through my room since we have mice. Anna came with her and when one of them found the spitters Anna said it was mine (my mom keeps switching the story that she told both of them or just told my dad, but I heard it from my dad so) she said that I chew at Annas house, that Donna and I drank in my house when my parents were gone on vacation and Donna argued with her when she 'confronted us about it' (which really doesn't make sense since she was checking in on us and was checking in with my mom at the time so it looks bad for her to say that), she said I take "way too many sleeping pills" that the found in my room and some other things.
I was shocked to hear this to say the least, and was furious. I talked to my mom about it for over an hour and she said that she isn't really sure to believe the accusations because it does look really bad for Anna to say that and Anna was acting kinda strange. I was so frustrated my mom even started defending her saying it might be her new medication messing with her and she's really stressed lately, ect.
I calmed down and was just confused...
Half of it was true to some extent but the other half was a complete lie, especially the sleeping pills which honestly made me the most mad since they were Donna's from a while ago and I'd never even taken one before or mentioned them to Anna at all. And the whole 'argument with Donna' thing was literally made up to cover herself.
The only way I think she would do this is if she was really mad at me but I don't know what I could have possibly done to make her that mad. As she said, it would take me taking my niece from her, but I never did anything of the sort.
Unless it some sort of plan she's had for a while but I'm probably thinking too much...
My mom told me not to tell her she told me, but I said I had to ask her about it, at least the chew part since dad already told me and that way maybe she'd give me some answers. I messaged her again asking if she was mad at me, since she didn't reply to my other message and again my mom thought she was at work so couldn't call. I told my mom I would try to run to Anne's house tomorrow to see if she was home and try to ask her, before she says anything else.
It doesn't make sense at all. I can't think of anything I could have possibly done or any reason she'd do it if she wasn't completely furious at me. But the way my mom explained it, it definitely seemed she was out to get me and was extremely immature and sloppy, especially with how smart she is.
She left way to many holes in her story and with how random it was it just really looked bad for her, besides the fact that she knows I know a lot of stuff she does/has done and could tell my mom and if I really wanted to I could convince my mom to take my niece away. I really don't want to do that since I know how much they love and need each other, but I don't know what to say, because if I leave it or make her more mad she'll more than likely tell my mom more stuff, and all I can do is try to talk to her or threaten to tell my mom, but that would really piss her off and it would be an absolute last resort. And I also don't want to damage our relationship more than it already obviously is since now I can't trust her if she'll do this without talking to me first whenever she's mad at me.
I'd just tell my mom everything but if I do that she'd take Donna away and Donna needs me now more than ever with whats going on in her life, she comes first to me and I can't leave her, even if it means I have to lie or threaten Anna.
I really need advice or any comment that could help. Literally anything I don't know what to say or do to her. I hate the immature, dramatic situation she put me in and I know my actions partly caused it but I don't know how to deal with it without causing a ton more drama and/or making it worse.
I just can't lose Donna, I can't. She is the single most important person in my life, as I am to her. I just can't, especially not now...
Frankly, my first opinion of Anna is that she is two faced and has her own agenda and not someone you can trust. I assume you are under 18 and that she is somewhere between your age and your mothers age. This puts her at an adult age for quite some time, enough to have grown up and become mature. However her behavior with you is what troubles me. She may have a subconscious 'need' to be liked, and so tries to be the 'nice guy' regardless if that breaks laws or is not good guidance from an older person. She wanted to befriend you, be liked by you and so she figured the best way to do that is by saying you can trust her, take her into your confidence to share things with her that you wouldnt with Mom because if you did, Mom would frown upon or you'd get in trouble. She tries to pretend to your Mom that she is an upstanding adult who can be trusted with Moms daughter so that she can erase any possible doubts that may later arise about whether she can be trusted to raise Mom's granddaughter, your niece.
What I am wondering is why the focus here is on Anna, Mom, you and your best friend who are all older than this young child who is very vulnerable, impressionable and needs a mature adult to raise her. The focus should be on what is best for the niece. I understand she seems to like being around Anna more for some reason. But are we going to leave the judgement of what is right and best for the child up to the child? This is like wanting to teach a child to stop screaming and throwing fits all the time and instead of behavioral correction, we slap a bandaid solution on the situation, not solving WHY the child has behavioral problems, just giving it what it wants or what seems to make it behave better. Its like handing a lollipop to a child acting out and screaming to get them to shut up and behave. What can happen is that in trying to enforce good behavior, something else detrimental is being taught to the child.
If Anna would stoop so low as to gain your confidence regarding something you by law are not allowed to do at your age, drinking and then sneak alcohol to you as a reward for giving her your confidence, that is not the kind of person I would want raising a child, any child, not just your niece. I suggest you clam up and not confide in Anna anymore if your mom still allows her to be there as part of the family which I consider to be a mistake. Your drinking under age and being impressionable is common for your age, however you've shown some wisdom in reaching out for advice. All humans have trouble with decision making and seeing ahead to possible problems down the road due to our choices sometimes,but its especially so for children and teens and young adults up until at least mid 20's or further before the frontal cortex of our brain responsible for handling such things is finally finished growing. Any time before then, you're likely to do things that aren't good for you and some decisions have had deadly results with teens. So seeking advice is a good thing. However, the situation involves more than just you. Anna is not a good influence on you. So how can she be a good one on your niece. Mom likely needs a break from her grand daughter who is having behavioral issues. It might be good for the family to see a counselor and determine what the source of the childs issues are. If its just with the child, maybe a doctor can work with her and train the family in how to handle her. Mom I suppose in the one with legal custody so this falls to her. However, if any family members are unknowing doing things they don't really are actually part of the reason the child is having issues, then it would be good to know so you can stop that behavior and start raising her differently. Handing off one's responsibility to Anna just because the child is happier around her is not the solution and doesnt address what is causing her to be this way to begin with. So end result of all this, I suggest you stop drinking and stop the chewing tobacco, it is a dirty habit and people are prone to getting tongue and mouth cancer from that, stop confiding in Anna, avoid Anna as much as possible, come clean with Mom and tell her everything that transpired and you may want to write this out first so its all in order time wise as to what happened. Admit your own guilts and apologize. Let her know Anna worked hard to gain your confidence, to get information on you to use against you if you didn't do as she wished. In case you came clean and stopped drinking and tobacco, she's have nothing to hold over your head to use to black mail you, that you can see this now but didnt realize at the time. And since your friend Donna is someone Mom didnt always approve of, Anna asked that maybe Donna would like to confide in her as well so she can have control over Donna as well. You liked and trusted Anna because she was a family friend but now you see that she is someone who can't be trusted and isn't deserving of your trust. You realize you've broken trust with Mom too and want to repair that and understand she won't have full trust in you for a while but you are willing to find any compromises she is willing to allow during the time it takes to regain your trust but ask that she would allow you to continue to see your friend Donna as a part of those compromises. If you can come up with something like this in your own words to talk to Mom about, she may still let you see Donna but under her own conditions, such as she may come see you at your house as long as Mom is home and maybe she'd require you keep your bedroom door open so she can glance in quickly to make sure you are not doing anything to re-break her trust. this part will take a very long time since once broken, it takes even longer to rebuild trust second time around, and thats the penalty we all have to pay if we do so. Its something you can't escape and a lesson worth learning now dear as it will help you much in your adult life later if you keep this in mind. I understand you may not like Moms rules she sets down, but as her under age child, you're still obligated to follow through on them. Learn from your experience. You could try to mention that although your niece likes Anna alot, your niece has obvious issues that perhaps a family or child psychologist or counselor could help with. That way the issues that are causing the child to seek out Anna over Mom or you, can be dealt with, and any techniques on how to handle her can be taught to the family so that there is no need any longer for you to foist her off on a very willing Anna, who isn't a very good role model or responsible adult in the first place.
I can never find anything in my room! I have dance the day after and I can't find my dance clothes and I swear I saw them in my drawer! Sometimes, I even lose my homework when I could've sworn I put on my desk! My parents keep getting mad at me, telling me to be more organized and all but I can never find the time to do so and my room is such a mess now that I'm afraid it's too late to turn back. Do you have any ways of helping me tidy my room? Or perhaps about not losing everything all the time?? I try, I really try to put things in their places but for some reason, I can never find them again! I never even touched my dance clothes, they were sitting in their typical place in my drawer but now I can't find them... Any help about this would be greatly appreciated!!
If you're sure the outfit is in your room then thats good. I am not expecting you to do a full out organizing as of yet, just at this point a basic sorting.
Get boxes, one into which go all clothing, a laundry basket or box for dirty clothes, a box for any paper type stuff,( loose papers, calendar, books, notepad, magazines), a box for toys and games, a box for personal items (jewelry, hair decor, perfume, nail polish, skin creams) and a trash basket or bag to toss away any trash items you discover in your room (empty pop cans, candy wrappers, chips bag etc...)
Two things leave your room immediately, the trash and dirty clothes going to the washer.
The key when you start sorting is to not overlook any area of the room. Look under the bed. If there's an unused bunk bed as was the case for my daughter, the upper bunk held a lot of her junk, on the closet floor, open each drawer and empty them totally as all items go into the sorting boxes. You can leave hanging clothes in closet but will want to go slowly thru each to see if your dance outfit might be sharing a hanger with another outfit that is more visible hiding the other. Go thru the box of clothes looking for it, you will find it.
Next, decide what you have in excess and focus on that next as that will bring on some instant success and pride and help you feel you're accomplishing something. Maybe you have more shoes than the closet can hold or they're in a pile or where ever you left them throughout the house. For my daughters, stuffed toys was what each had in excess even as teens. We bought each a toy hammock to hang in their rooms where all the stuffed toys went except the ones chosen to grace their bed that week. If you are just overflowing in personal care stuff, decide if some can be kept in your own plastic bin in the bathroom somewhere, under the sink or on the counter or whether you'd prefer keeping in your room. A good rule is to go UP /verticle when trying to organize.
Some organizing things can be found at dollar stores, like the stacking organizing plastic bins which work great if one is for hair stuff, another for perfumes and creams, another for nail polish if you have like 12 or so bottles for example. Stack these on top of a dresser. There is easy metal shelving for the wall where metal tracks run vertical, with L shaped brackets that fit into it at any point you want and then shelves are laid over it. Its simple for Dad to install if that would help you if you're short on space.
Another thing to do is focus one day just on clothes. First weed out stuff that no longer fits to go to a sibling or to a box for donations. Now look at whats left and decide how often you wear any of the things you have. If you can't remember the last time you wore an item recently or its been months, then you don't use it enough to justify it taking up space. I do this about every 2 years myself. I am always picking up something on sale I think is cute and then realize I have very little that goes with it. So a top may be worn twice all summer and thats not enough, no matter how cheap it was or how cute it is to take up space in the closet. I know its hard but clothes not worn often enough must go. Of your remaining clothes, depending on the current season whether spring/summer or fall/winter, like for now, all summer clothes for hot weather goes into a bin made for fitting under the bed and has wheels so you can pull it out just in case you do need a piece from there...but the key here is that only your fall and winter clothing will be currently in your drawers and hanging in the closet. This helps greatly in organizing ones bedroom. You can find an under the bed rolling storage bin for fairly inexpensive. The parents need to help out with this of course in purchasing it but may not be prompted to buy it until they see you serious about organizing by pulling out what no longer fits, and a bag of clothes to donate.
There are stores dedicated to selling nothing but containers and organizing aids even down to desk drawer inserts, trays with compartments so all pens go in one, paper clips and stapler in another, and so on.
Of all your original sorted out boxes, just focus on one thing at a time. If you try to organize your whole room at once, it will be too overwhelming. So focus on just clothes until it is fully organized before pulling personal items out of their box and trying to organize them.
And for small stuff, if you have any shoe boxes with lids hanging around the house, wrap the lid and bottom separately with some wrapping paper, and store all your hair stuff in one, nail polish in another, odds and ends memorabilia in another.
You can purchase small hanging closet shelving that hangs from the bar or basket type shelving with netting stacked storage that hangs from a plant hook on the ceiling to place some of your shoe box treasures or even folded clothes, or toys. You may have to do this all a little at a time depending on whether the parents can afford a few extra dollars to help purchase some organizing things for your room.
Good luck dear. If you end up with anything in particular you need more ideas for, let me know.
Hi... I was in a long distance relationship... After texting and calling for what seemed like forever,a few years we saw each other...... We did this week... And we had a long talk.
And he broke up with me.. Saying we couldn't be together. That he couldn't give me 110% and that further down the road he would cheat on me. And to not wait for him anymore. And I was wonderful and all that crap....
Now,here is the confusing part..
He said right after 'don't wait for me' that he isn't 100% giving up on him and I... Us... Later he went on to say... All I needed to do was move out here (in the bay area) and get a part time job..
I asked him if he could do better than me.... He said no..
He said he didn't want to break up with me... He didn't want to do this... He loves me... And I saw it in his eyes that he didn't want to hurt me or break my heart.... His body language was so uncomfortable... And his eyes had some held back tears going on....
I've left messages... He hasn't responded... But he keeps viewing my Snapchat..
Also,he said he was going to pray for me and to text him when I got home... And he wanted to keep talking and stay in touch... Which obviously he has not...
Another thing.. I looked straight in his eyes... And I asked him... Is there a battle going on inside of you still even though you made a choice? He responded with yes..... I told him,that if he was still battling with a desicion after he made a choice,that it was the wrong one...
Advice please,what do I do now? Did he make the right choice? Even though he's still deciding in heart what do even though he made a choice? What is going on?? Thanks for the advice in advanced
I am with the others. LDR's rarely work out. For one thing, its impossible to build up the kind of trust needed to be really intimate as far as sharing of all our thoughts, fears, hopes and dreams and any big dark secrets we may keep.
My first impression with what he actually did say and seem to feel bad about his decision, is that he is hiding or keeping something from you. He may be keeping a part of his background secret from you for fear that you may not accept him if you knew and then thinks its best he not drag you into it.
So yes, his feelings of love may be real but there is something he feels you shouldn't have to put up with. What ever it is, it will apply to any female he ever finds and falls in love with.
If you are wondering as to what could possibly weigh on his mind this way that he would choose to break up and cut off contact, even admit there was a battle going on inside, heres a couple of ideas and there must be many more.
Perhaps mental illness runs in his family or a rare disease that has 70 % chance of all family members contracting and dieing from. Who'd want to put a woman thru that kind of torture, possibly losing him and her kids that way some day.
Or maybe its something of a sexual nature. Maybe he's a cross dresser, maybe he is bi-sexual. It could be something like he used to be in jail, an ex con and cleaned up his life but is afraid a woman couldn't accept or fully trust him.
Or it may be something so minor to you but is a big deal to him. All you can try to do is decide if theres anything that could make you decide to not want to be with him and have a talk with him. Let him know you are a very open minded person and that nothing he tells you could freak you out, that you just want the chance to decide for yourself if his secret that he's not revealed yet, is something you can live with or not. It should be your choice, not his. This tactic could build up his trust to come clean with you and tell you what he's been holding back, his deep dark secret.
Okay first of all I have been married 8 ye ars and we have 2 amazing kids. Well In April of this year I had a miscarriage and well at the end of july i ended up dating and then seeing someone. Well now i am pregnant by him and he's staying with us in the mean time. I feel like such a crappy wife because i want my marriage to work but yet I want this relationship with this other guy to work because their is a huge possiblity that I am pregnant for his child. I wish I knew what to do but I don't anymore. I want to do what is best for me and my kids because they are my life. I know I am not the best wife in the world because I have cheated before but I have always used protection this time that i just sleep with someone because I felt unwanted and unappreciated. Now it's all coming crashing down on me and I feel so idiotic.
Opinions are greatly appreciated and people that have been in the same situation and could help with the advice would help too. Thank you all.
Ask drs. at what point they can check the child to see who is the dad. At that point is when you will need to make some decisions.
What you never said about your 8 yr marriage is whether it was a good one or a troubled one. If it was a troubled one, was marriage counseling ever tried? If not, ask yourself why? Who wasn't willing to try to fix it. Was it perhaps that neither of you were a perfect match for each other from the beginning but you decided to force it and make it work cus of kids?
I can be frank with you cus I know what its like to be in a bad marriage, verbally abused, had 3 kids with him and the impact on children.
Since you already have two, if your marriage is savable and he's a decent husband and father, the kids need their dad. In my case, 3 daughters got to watch dad verbally abuse me and once in a while, them too. That kind of abuse taken in all their lives growing up had its impact. They all have problems with husbands and boyfriends and not choosing good ones. Now I feel really bad I didnt leave earlier.
I dont know your situation.
You mention cheating before. Do you even know why? Maybe it is a compulsion and you need to see a psychologist to figure out what it is that triggers you to do this sort of thing. Cus until you do and take care of whatever it is in you causing you to do this, you will hurt others, not just yourself. Cheating is bad enough but I cant imagine what your husband will do if the baby is not his and he deserves to know to be given the choice to stay with you or not. What options there are depending on your feelings are abortion, or adopting the baby out so hubby is only raising his own biological children but that is all stuff for you and he to figure out now with a marriage counselor and I still think there are some things deep down in your mind that need to be dealt with dear. I may be sounding harsh, but only want you to see that the truth is, all humans have their mental hang ups, anxieties, negative thinking, self doubts, just some of us have ones that are so many it leaves us emotionally crippled and afraid to do certain things, left wanting or feeling we miss out, and we hurt ourselves and others if we dont get treatment to discover what our issues are and how to stop destructive behavior. If you dont change and get better soon, I can guarantee it will affect the adult lives of how your kids live out theirs. take it from a mom who is watching the drama unfold in her childrens lives and most of it is really really bad.
I had lots of learning to get to the point of leaving the ex...lots of self discovery and transformation and it all took place in the mind..how I thought, what i now believed, many things I felt were truth that actually needed a revelation of the fallacies and where I was wrong before I could move on. I am a stronger person for it and a much happier one too. I love life and am satisfied. I want the same for you.
You are condemning yourself which is not helpful in getting better, getting help, trust me. I hear you say you are idiotic, a crappy wife,unwanted and unappreciated, which means you either have a low self image of yourself, or hubby has always said demeaning things that you decided to believe about yourself at some point. I got lots of those comments however I never decided to believe him.
Yes, we can feel like we are really stupid and dumb but life is a learning process. Sometimes we need to hit bottom before we are ready for help and change in our lives and improving who we are, a day at a time, little by little. It's when we know we've hit bottom, are in a really bad spot and we dont reach out for the kind of help that will really transform us and choose to continue on our destructive path, then we are being really stupid and there's no one who can help such a person until they are really ready. Like the saying, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.
I know you may fear seeing a psychologist but trust me, not all stick people on meds and years of therapy that barely help. There is a type of therapy thats been around for 40-50 years maybe more but not as well known yet. I would suggest you seeking therapists who are licensed in Cognitive Behavioral therapy or CBT. If you can't find someone in your area, then try this website and ask the Dr. if he can recommend someone in your area. www.feelinggood.com
Good luck.
I just turned 21 and I feel like I'm finally in a good place where I can go about dating another woman. Before I always had extremely religious family members around that I know for a fact would disapprove (they are very angry that gay marriage is legal now and think shows like OITNB should be taken off the air) and I didn't want to upset them so I just kept it to myself.
I've always had a strong tendency to be drawn towards women instead of men. I dated a few men just to make my family happy and through that I realized there's a strong chance I'm lesbian,but I might just be bisexual.
My problem is that for one, I can't find anybody local and there are no lgbt places in town. I tried a few gay friendly dating sites but all of the lesbian girls were at least two hours away. The other issue is that the few girls I talked to always asked what other girls I dated and when I told them none they became disinterested and said things like I'm not a "real" lesbian or that I'm just going through a "phase". I just haven't had the chance to date another woman and now that I do I feel like I'm being cast out of the lgbt pool before I even have a chance to find a girlfriend.
When I looked at the bisexual girls, they had boyfriends and wanted threesomes with another girl or wanted a love triangle and that's not me. I only want to date one person at a time and I don't want that person to be dating somebody else.
What should I do to better my chances of finding a girlfriend?
If I do find one and we become serious how should I go about letting my family know or should I just keep it to myself?
My mom got so mad when gay marriage was legalized that she screamed about how the entire country is going to hell and that everybody is being being brainwashed by Satan to think it's okay.
If you have already tried support groups on line for LGBT people and not found anyone, then all else I can think of is to see if you can find people of like minds through Meetups.com this is a site where people can meetup for any thing they might have in common or start a group in their area if there isn't one already. Those who like going on hikes, walks, moms with babies in strollers, natural health, yoga, cribbage game nights, etc. Whatever you can think of can be found or created there. the big question is whether its in a big enough city or near enough to one to have a lot of people to draw from. It just may mean having to go online and check where the bigger concentrations of LGBT friendly groups and meetups are located first and then figure out how feasible it might be for you to relocate there.
As for the parents, don't worry too much about them. Just keep your private life private from them. I used to be in the church and understand how closed minded people can be, afraid to think for themselves and trusting and believing too easily what is passed on from the pulpit. As far as church goes, here's one more thing to try. Check for what gay churches are in your area. I used to be an online friend with a pastor in Ohio who was not gay but a co-pastor at a gay church. The congregation was part non gay but gay supporters so one could really feel loved and accepted somewhere. Again, you may live rural enough that you need a bigger city to live in to have this option and there is for sure a way to meet others.
21/f
So here it goes. I have a boyfriend,age 23 who is hearing impaired and wears hearing aid. His hearing loss was due to a bad cold and the fluid in his middle ear clogged the inner ear. Point is it is not genetic. I will explain why I mentioned this a little bit later.
We have started dating this April. Almost six months together and still going strong. But my mom and grandma are giving me hell because I told them about his hearing aid. They also mind that he is from a village whereas I'm from a small town. And they mind about his lack of college degree as well and that he is not rich. According to them I deserve better. I don't agree because I don't look for degrees and money,I look for honesty,intelligence,love and someone who is hardworking and he gives me all of those and more. He is not even poor,he lives a normal life. I am currently studying medicine but I can't pass Anatomy. So I also started taking German lessons and want to work in Germany. If I fail college,I will have gone in two years' time. He has proposed but I said no because of my family. He said he understood and will wait. We are from a small country in the Balkans and we both have cousins in Germany who could help us manage,so we decided to go there together and make a wonderful life for ourselves. My family knows nothing of that. They have never met him. They don't know that he is all I could have ever wanted. They are so set on separating us and they call him disabled and mental. They keep saying I will be unhappy with him because of his problem and because he has no degree. And that if,God forbid I have children with him,they will be disabled too. I tried reasoning so many times that it is not genetic,and they even claimed he is lying to me. Him and I have been honest with each other since day 1. And I met his family,they confirmed that it is not genetic. My mom and grandma keep badmouthing him every chance they get. Yesterday I got in a fight with my mom and I defended him. And she said she is going to renounce me,quoting, "If I care more about my lousy boyfriend." I told her that she is lousy and prejudiced and narrow minded. Somehow it got resolved but I will surely hear more of that crap. I'm afraid of them giving me an ultimatum: my education or him. What should I do? A friend suggested dating him in secret if that should happen. But why are they so against someone who they never even met? How can someone be so stupid,so materialistic? I can't understand. I am furious. They have lost my respect entirely. I know this was long,and thanks to everyone who even takes the time to read this.
THey both seem to have prejudices and the fact that they won't take in extra information and bend from their assumptions or views is really sad. I can't say why they do act this way but I can certainly assure you it is not the normal behavior of a person whose mind works well and positively. That is a lot of negative thinking. Negative thinking can make a person choose a wrong track in life, one that is very limiting for themselves or they become controlling. Depression and anxieties, and other mental disorders can come from that. Dont let her control you by using paying for college as the bait to keep you hooked in to their control. Let it go. If you don't, you spend more of your adult life enabling her to control and getting used to it and it'll be all the harder later to break away with just as big fits thrown by both.
Your life is yours to live, not for them to live through you. So enjoy your young man and break it off with the relatives.
where do I find my win number that they ask for on the 1-800 number that you call if your not going in to work at Walmart because your sick
If you are friends with and have the number of a coworker from Walmart, you might want to call them as you could possibly get your answer quicker that way.
22/f, 28/m
Lately, my boyfriend hasn't been wanting to have sex as often. He isn't as "touchy-feely" as he usually is. I told him that I needed some space, so he gave me some and realized that he enjoyed the space. He said it's because he could do the chores and errands that he needs to do, write his research paper, walk his dog in the morning, etc. He liked being productive because of the space that he was giving me. The tricky part, though... Is that he doesn't want to have sex as often.
I told him that I felt as if he doesn't want to have sex with me very often. And he told me that he loves sex, and likes having sex, it's just that he doesn't want to make it his priority everyday. He said that he made that mistake before and that sex just tends to get in the way of his chores, errands, or whatever that he needs to do. For example, if he and I had sex, he would be too lazy to do the laundry, etc. Which I have seen that before. I remember whenever he wanted to have sex before going out to eat or before going to the movies, he gets tired and wants to take a nap instead.
But the thing is, the fact that he's not asking for it or acting as if he wants it (but he says that he wants it), makes me anxious and paranoid that he might be cheating on me and he's getting some on the side.
I started having dreams about him cheating on me. And he keeps telling me that he's being my version of "perfect," that he's not, and that he's not doing anything wrong and that he's just getting stuff done. But it doesn't help the paranoia that I have. What makes me struggle the most is that he's going to be gone for a week and a half this weekend for an isolated training at work, and then he's visiting his family for two days after.
I'm just having a hard time trusting him (due to our past). What should I do? What can I do? How can I relieve this paranoia/anxiety?
I wonder as to the length of time you'd been together where sex was fine before you asked for some space. If its been months or years and he has changed all of a sudden, it is likely that he no longer is interested in you. Whether he is cheating on you, it may be possible but can't be proven by what you've told me.
If you've been together a short time, two things are entirely possible:
1. He was experiencing NRE New relationship energy which easily mimics having desire and attraction to a person but it wears off after weeks or a couple months only to discover that there is no longer any real feelings for the person. It can be two way but more often only one is aware they don't have that same desire anymore.
2. He was never into you for the 'whole' you and more interested in getting sex and once he got it, there was no longer the challenge of the 'chase' which some men are addicted to, so once he had you, interest started to dwindle. He may have agreed to more than he should have by moving in with you and now won't say anything cus he doesnt want to hurt your feelings so he just endures life but wants nothing much to do with you, or perhaps he goes looking elsewhere for his sexual needs.
3. The sex the 2 of you had that you thought was really good but have little past experience to compare it to, was in actuality fairly poor match and pretty bad sex compared to what it could be with 2 two who are a perfect sexual match.(Hon, I added this reason because when I was 20, I thought the sex I had with my husband was great because I'd never had sex before but as time went on, the newness wore off. He never looked at me with desire in his eyes, he expected me to get him turned on somehow, he wanted to relieve pressure for him by having sex when it was convenient for him and would do nothing to make it memorable for me. I never had orgasms with him. He had a low libido and I had a high one yet he called me frigid because i did not inspire passion in him. When I wanted and asked for sex, he had nothing but excuses, I don't feel good or I am tired, or I have to get my sleep cus I have to go to work in the morning. If a guy is trying too hard to avoid you, you are with the wrong person as I finally learned but once I understood that, I had kids and was afraid I couldn't survive financially if I divorced so I stayed longer til the kids grew up. Then I started dating and found that practically any guy was way better than he was sexually. However I also wanted that someone I had the most chemistry with and an unexplainable energy surge we both felt when together, having sex or not, but more so with sex. And I did find that in the 2nd husband.
Don't make a mistake of giving up on someone who may love you but counseling can help you both, but at same time, don't stay with someone who truly isn't in love with you. He may like you or love some things about you and say the words I love you but not be in love with you. Thats what my ex confessed to a counselor, that he had never been in love with me. Just be certain of his feelings for you...and if not really existant, then leave. If you can't get enough info to be 10% sure and have these feelings of distrust and anxiety...those do not make a good relationship. It would be in your best interest to leave if you are miserable while with him. Or can you see yourself staying with him for years if nothing changes and improves? If not, why wait for any more time if you know you are not going to change your feelings of distrust or anxiety. Sometimes, we just have to go with our gut feeling and you have a lot of it right now.
waht does it mean if ur crush hugs while they r in a towel and always give u a flirty look and is really shy around u
There is no extra meaning depending on what he's wearing, towel or clothes. As Moss mentioned, what you are picking up on is body language that are signs of interest in a person.
For fun, why not look for links to articles and you tube videos on what the non verbal signs of attraction are. Theres so much to learn. I will post a few I found and each just scratches the surface but I like the videos best so heres some:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ps9e7nRXu50
https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=347&v=ZHrotQnZv2U
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lV2RTqrJ354
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-snL3326LA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=saE2lDYEUJ4