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Are my feelings toward him something that can turn into a relationship?
Okay, so there is this guy I really like. I've liked him since like October. We never really started talking until like January, but after that we became really close friends. Let's call him Derek. Then around easter time we were talking like all day every day, we never seemed to run out of things to talk about. But then for some reason we just kind of stopped texting. Like we are in the same friend group so we still hung out and stuff but we weren't a "thing" anymore. Then this other guy (let's call him George) started talking to me and stuff so that never helped either. Then in like the end of May Derek just started to completely ignoring and treating me like I never even existed. So I confronted him and we got into this huge argument tearing each other apart for things the other person did that hurt the other. Like we used to tell each other everything. Derek knows things about me that no one else on this earth knows. Anyways, we resolved the problem between us and we started talking again and eventually it became more often and consistent and in more depth. Then around exam time we were "otg" hard core and I really liked him and wee had our first "date" all planned and it was awesome! We talked all the time and everything. But then in July we just randomly stop talking...AGAIN!!! So I didn't know what to do and I was really upset because I really liked him. The whole summer I never liked anyone else, and he didn't move on either. When we went back to school he wouldn't talk to me and he still won't. I've talked to both of our very good friends and he said that Derek was really upset that we stopped talking because he really liked me and he thought that I just did't like him and I stopped talking to him which wasn't the case at all. My friend said that he won't talk to me because he thinks it's too awkward. But the thing is I really want to talk to him again. I didn't stop liking him and I want us to become close again because there are some things that I can only talk to him about and without him in my life there are some things that I just have too keep to my life. And he is just so wonderful and I just want him to so badly see that I still have feelings for him, I have since October, that hasn't changed.
Are my feelings realistic or is he over me? Should I wait until he is ready to talk or do you think I should move one? Please help me:(:(
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
When two people can talk for hours and never run out of things to say, that is a good sign that there is good chemistry between you two. I can't tell you why you stop talking but I can mention a thing or two that might contribute to that.
One could be both your ages. H.S. relationships rarely last beyond H.S. due to inexperience and things we unknowingly do that may contribute to hurting or breaking up a relationship. It is definitely a time to be learning and shying away from this or any relationship will only delay your learning process about relationships. So its better to just face it.
Another could be that since you mentioned talking all day long, that would have left little to no time to have alone time, cave time for a guy, and for a girl call it her time to unwind, have time to chill on her own. Some people need that more than others. Me, a little time reading a book even if hubby is in same room is alone time to me as I am not conversing with him. Some people want even more time alone to spend working on a hobby of theirs that their partner has no interest in pursueing for self but dont mind you doing. If into jewelry making, you can't put 100% effort into your work and still really be there for a full in depth convo.
Third, sometimes our own negative thoughts cause our problems and issues in life. It sounds like both of you are doing a thought distortion of "Jumping To Conclusions" made up of a combo of the 'fortune telling" and "mind reading". Fortune telling is predicting things like "I can't contact him/her first because they are angry at me for something I dont know about and I just know they'll blow up at me and we'll have another fight. Mind reading is assuming to know what the other is thinking and its amazing how many people do mind reading instead of asking questions, the questions that count, not stuff like how did you do on the test in Algebra? So mind reading here is, "The reason he's not contacting me is that after really getting to know me, he thinks I am boring so he's avoiding me. Neither of you know why you stop but if both wait for the other to talk first, then neither of you will. So who's braver, who has the balls to just go for it? Whats the worst that could happen? Answer that in your mind. And whats the best that could happen? Now weigh the risks of discovering the worst compared to not hearing and not knowing anything at all. Which sounds better to you? For me, agonizing over why we aren't talking is more painful and on going for ever while talking first to a person and trying to find out what the issues are, the needs are, may result in an argument but also can end up finding a permanent solution and as far as uncomfortable, awkward and painful, is a much shorter process.
Then you start using 'Emotional Reasoning' since you have feelings for him and not hearing from him leads you to feeling abandoned, neglected or hated or wondering if you are expecting too much from him. When I was your age, I battled negative cognitions (thoughts) as you do and I know now that it can be so self defeating and hold you back from enjoying life and moving through life and experiencing things. I find it interesting you both have talked to other to find out whats going on with each other but have not gone straight to each other. If too chicken to call him or show up on his doorstep, then send him a note via a social media you're on together asking to meet in person. Don't air out your issues or differences on line. You leave yourselves open to misunderstanding and friends jumping in with their opinions when they also have as little dating experience as you do compared to people twice your age. If he doesnt respond to your note in a couple days, show up at his doorstep then. Have a good talk. You might go over whether he needs alone time sometimes. No partner should ever have to entertain their partner like entertaining a 2 yr old all day long to keep them happy and out of trouble. You are becoming young adults and should be able to spend some time alone apart or even in each others presence. If one 'needs' constant contact and entertainment from their partner, they can come across as being a needy person without a life of their own. Adding in a boyfriend to your life should enhance it, not create your life. That saying "Get a Life!" does not mean get yourself a partner. Be a whole person first, have some of your own activities you like that he isn't part of, and he needs to be following this same advice.
You might want to start learning about cognitive distortions and how those negativ thoughts can affect your relationships and life in negative ways. If interested in studying that, let me know and I can point you in the right direction.
Just so you know, I don't think there is such a thing as 'randomly' stopping talking to a person. A person can become busy maybe family responsibilities, followed by family vacation followed by the start of a summer job, etc... and time gets away from a person. It happens to all of us. But when it happens, it is common courtesy to let ones friend or sweetheart know that its nothing they have done wrong, you still care about them but are way too busy to have time for them right now. But you'll make an occasional short call or text from time to time until your busy time is over. Now, as far as caring about another person, heres something both of you can learn, how to put yourselfs in the other persons shoes, it means to be able to imagine how the other person feels. If you can do this, you'd know that they are going to be wondering why they haven't heard from you and if they may have hurt your feelings somehow. Even if it involves hurt feelings, all relationships have that and it takes two people bein mature enough to ask if they offended, and if so, to apologize and then CHOOSe to not repeat the offense, there is no 'trying', just doing the right thing. And it involves forgiving. When two people have feelings for each other, they want the best for each other, not to leave their sweetie wondering, hurting and feelings neglected. It hurts me worse to see my hubby worrying from stress and not being able to wave a magic wand and make it go away. I don't like to see him hurt or upset, nor he with me so we do not ever let things go on beyond the current day. We approach whatever is going on right then, each day. Why wait and suffer even one more day with unresolved issues? Thats just silly, isn't it? So, if its silly to let another and then another day go by without trying to make each other feel better which is what you do if you love someone, why are you or he waiting? FEAR. and you may not know exactly what it is you fear. But the best way to tackle fear is to meet it face on. Fear is nothing more than a bully without and real strength. Face it, even though scary at first and by time you are midway through doing that which you fear, the fear will disappear altogether and never return and you'll find it easier in the future to communicate with each other and not let time get away from you.
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Start talking to him again. If he is what you want just start talking. If he starts talking with you again then you have a chance. The number one relationship killer is lack of communication. If you like each other you need to keep talking.
I think your feelings are real. If you can't get him to talk back to you then you may have a problem. But you need to make sure he really doesn't want to talk. DO NOT listen to what others tell you he is feeling. Ask him yourself. Friends may have an idea, but only he can give you the real story. So approach him & talk to him. No need for arguing about who stopped talking first etc. Just talk & see if there is anything there for both of you. If not, move on, but not until you talk to each other face to face.
Good luck!
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