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I have friends but still feel alone?
I don't have a lot of friends andI know I should be grateful for the ones I do have but I feel alone. I don't have like a group of friends all my friends are from different groups. I used to have a group of friends but we're not really friends anymore but that's a story for another time. Anyways lets talk about the kinds of friends I have friend A is really judgemental and she's always called me ugly but with mixed signals I don't if she knows that I caught on but oh well but this is how she'd call me ugly in grade 8 she said that me and this guy would look cute together, the next day she said that same guy and this other girl would look cute together because they're both ugly. She just basically called me ugly without remembering what she said the day before. Grade 9 comes and she says "wow you're so lucky you're not popular cause I don't hear boys talk about you and say that you're super ugly" so she just called me ugly again. Grade 10 comes and she looks at me and says "wow I'm imagining how you'd look with makeup and longer hair you'd look really good" which indicates sheets 's still not happy with my appearance, grade 11 comes and my hair is finally longer and she says "see I told you, you'd look better with longer hair now all you need is makeup" indicating she's still not happy with how I look. Grade 12 just started and she's still bringing up I should wear makeup. I finally branched out in making new friends too so in grade 10 I became friends with friend B we clicked and hung out a lot in the summer until Halloween of grade 11 when she got a boyfriend and to this day she only talks to me about her boyfriend, doesn't invite me out anywhere unless her boyfriend comes, even when you tell her that you want a girls night he still finds a way to come. They're basically joined at the hip cause they're always together so of course I feel alone when I hangout with her cause now whenever I tell her my problems she relates it to her boyfriend, I'm friends with her boyfriend too but they're just annoying. Friend C only talks about her culture and makeup and whenever you bring something else up she says "stop its gonna make me depressed" in the summer she used to call me every single day and I'm not exaggerating whether I was out with family she would call, now she has a guy to talk to and now that's all she talks about, she's like friend B where if you bring something up she'll relate it to the guy. Friend D only talks about boys and again whenever you bring up something else she'll brush it off and talk about her problems but out of all these friends id probably have fun hanging out with friend D because this summer she was the only one that wanted to hangout with me. Friend A and I only talk in school, friend B was all about her boyfriend and I don't wanna hangout with friend C because she's too "classy" to take public transit. Her words not mine. I just want a friend where we can both talk about our problems equally, still be able to have inside jokes and we're not judgemental about each other, we wouldn't talk about the same thing 24/7 and we'd go places. With the friends I have now let me just tell you this now none of them really personally know anything about me I've known friend D the longest out of all of them and she didn't even know my family background till this year that's to tell you how self-centred my friends are but I could tell you so many facts about them. I've tried making more friends at my school but now that it's grade 12 cliques are already formed and I'm super shy I'm surprised I've made different friends but the ones I haven't mentioned are just acquaintances that don't want to be anything more than a school friend. What do I do what can I do to stop feeling lonely when I have friends? I have social media too but I also feel alone on there too cause no one interacts with me whenever I interact with them they just favourite my tweet and that's it. Please help and thank you if you've read up to this point and sorry if there are a lot of typos this was typed on my iPhone. I also tried joining clubs and so far everyone in the clubs are friends with each other already so they kind of automatically excluded me with out their knowledge
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
It's perfectly normal to feel alone even though you have friends, however the worst feeling isn't being alone, it's being around people who make you feel alone.
Let's start off with friend A: you don't need someone like that in your life, someone who is going to drag you down. Most friends would try and make you feel more confident, not less, and being around girls like that changes you. It's great that you feel confident enough not to wear makeup, most girls cover their face to look better, but you don't, and that's a good thing, so don't let her think it isn't! It means you have more confidence than a lot of people, and a lot more confidence than you think.
Friend B: a lot of people, when they get a boyfriend, become distant, sometimes they don't mean to and sometimes they don't even realize they are doing it, but they become so wrapped up in their happiness that they forget everyone else's. If you speak to her about how you feel and she still doesn't care, then she's not a good friend, but she probably doesn't even realize how she is making you feel, because you shouldn't have to put up with his presence every time you see her, but they are in a relationship, they are happy. You should talk to her about it, ask for a girl's night without her boyfriend, and if she still doesn't understand, well, she's not a good friend - but she probably doesn't know she's doing anything wrong.
All your friends seem like they're a bad influence on you. If you have friends and still feel alone, then you know you are surrounding yourself with the wrong people. I think most friendships come out of nowhere, like, when you're not looking, you just meet someone unexpectedly. You don't need people around you, maybe you should spend some time focusing on you - and only you. If you push yourself to meet people, you may find that it's not easy to make new friends, which may upset you even more, if you let it happen then it will be worth the wait when you find a great friend, but also you have more 'me' time, which is important, too.
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I think you need to learn what a friend really is or you're in big trouble when it comes time to marry cus the most successful marriage or long term relationships are based on being best friends and having romantic chemistry.
Right now, A is not a friend. A friend builds you up instead of tearing you down, Will support you and your goals and encourage you even if its not quite their thing.
B is likely a friend, just immature and not realizing she's excluding you now that she has a blyfriend. Heck, even I have been the same way, my attention always total sucked up by the latest guy I was dating and I was not attempting to purposely be mean. Thats the way it is when love hits, when it happens to you, you;ll understand.
Person C is also not a friend. Maybe you or she feel you are friends but shes acting too exclusive to be a friend. A friend doesnt mind the circumstances, like if your house or room isn't spotless, they come to see you not the place, not the transportation or even where you go...the most important thing is that you are both spending time together cus you both care about each other and the world seems more fun even when you are together doing the most mundane things...remember this one especially cus its a sure way to know when you've found the right guy.
Person D may have potential to become a friend if she can mature and grow up and realize the world does not revolve around her. See, a true friend is going to be thinking about their friend first, not themselves, or at least equally to the time concerned about themselves. And they will put aside their needs to come to you in your time of need, to give up a shoulder to cry on, listen to your woes,comfort and encourage you, etc...
A person does not automatically become your friend because they will give you the time of day once in a while to smile or say a few words, hateful or nice. A person does not become a friend simply because you see them routinely on a daily basis. For school age, those are classmates, not friends. For a working adult, thats co-workers, not friends. No one has earned the title of friend until they treat others like a friend.
I am thinking that perhaps you are too nice and don't say the things that need to be said. Nice people try to avoid confrontations and fights, sweep their real feelings under the rug and pretend all is well. This is a bad thing to do because those emotions will eventually erupt in you as multiple anxieties if you dont already have them.
There is a right and wrong way to stand up for yourself and things that can be said to draw the line as to what is acceptable to you and what is not.
Person A: Look Sue, every year, you've found ways to comment either directly or indirectly about my looks, being ugly. That is your opinion, it wasn't asked for and if not asked for, needs to be kept to yourself. You wont go far in life if you keep up that type of attitude. Further more, what you think is pretty or ugly, is simply a matter of taste. Some people today may think too skinny or big boned women to be unattractive. The moods of media over the years have changed as to what beauty is. Once skinny was in with Twiggy. Big boned full figure women were in with Marilyn Monroe. Even Renaissance painters showed what was popular in their time, women with pouchy rounded tummies instead of flat like today. If you insist on labeling me un flattering or attempting to suggest your ideas of beauty for me to try, then I will no longer associate with you. Dont even bother saying Hi.
Person C, Hey Sasha, I know you feel certain things are not tasteful to you like riding public transportation. If that is more important to you than being a good close friend and enjoying time with me, then enjoy your classy life without me because I am looking for a true friend where we both care about each other, not the trappings that come with, and we don't judge each other for the life situation in which we each find ourselves.
Person D; Hey Lilly, I have been listening to you and lending an ear, and empathy, sympathy, encouragement in all. Did you realize it has been only one way...what I do for you. You may not realize it but you have never taken time to listen to me and what my day was like, whats on my mind, my hopes and dreams or worries. I would like it to be a friendship where we both give of our time to each other, not just take from each other. Can you do that with me? Are you willing to try? Cus if you only need an audience to listen to you, thats not me and I will look for a friend elsewhere.
I think its harder for you than when I was young because now so many hide behind their cells, texting and social media and don't even know how to talk face to face let alone how to be a friend. To encourage you, some people do finally learn how after H.S. but pretty much during school days, everyone is acting like they have lots of real friends and hanging out with others but no one is being a real friend. I've heard that colleges are offering classes now to teach people how to talk to each other face to face...something key in any relationship, friends or ones mate for life. Without knowing how to communicate or be a friend, all will struggle in life in their own ways.
All I can think of for you is to do as much reading and research as you can, ask at bookstore and libraries for any books that help teach the fundamentals of relationships, how to communicate, how to be a friend, how to have self confidence. Self confidence goes a long ways towards making a person more attractive or approachable. Do you smile? Do you approach others first and compliment them (stroke their egos) Are you good at conversation...not in text or posting on social media but in person? Can you be self assertive, meaning you let others know up front (this works great in dating) what you are looking for in a friend or a date, you let them know of what your strengths and abilities are to bring into the relationship (this can be things like being down to earth, into health foods, a nurturing caring type person and hobbies of reading and hiking or biking. When another knows up front what you have to offer a friendship or relationship and what you are looking for, they will know right up front whether they should turn away and look elsewhere or whether they might want to invest their time with getting to know you even better. Then at some point they will come to be the kind of friend you are looking for. All you will need to list your boundaries, thing off limits. I ask for respect, so no belittling comments or criticizing of me, no talking behind my back, no lying, etc. or if dating, I am not a booty call. I am looking for a friendship first, love and sex later. I hope this gives you an idea of what you can do that might help. I know its harder for your generation, but it can be done, you can rise and shine so that at one point, everyone else is looking up to you because you are the role model of your generation, someone confident and happy and able to make others happy, and well loved by many. As an adult, I came to a point where I realised that I had surpassed many of my peers from H.S. in ways they still hadnt and may never change and grow to improve as human beings. I hope the same for you. Its very possible. Start reading and studying more than social media.
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Well your first friend doesn't treat you how a friend should treat you. I wouldn't actually consider her a friend.
I also want to say that you should change your looks or start wearing make up because someone tells you that you should.
Friends should lift you up and support you, they shouldn't make fun of you.
It's hard when your friends have boyfriends. The guy becomes the center of attention. It sucks but it does happen. If you do have a good friend that has a boyfriend but that's all they talk about or she keeps bringing him along, I'd suggest talking to that friend. Let them know how you feel without attacking them.
But try to make some new friends as well. It takes time to build friendships but I'm positive you will.
Maybe start talking to your school acquaintances, if you make an effort eventually someone will come around. It's really hard when you're shy but sometimes it's just something you have to do.
I'm glad that you joined clubs. And like I said, it takes time to start building a friendship so don't rule out the people who already have friends in those clubs.
Just remember it takes time, it will be difficult but just put yourself out there.
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Hi. I do know what you mean in a way. I have a handful of friends who I love with all my heart but even being with them I can't help but still feel alone.
It sounds like you have out-matured your friends you have spoken about but also you may end up one day doing the same thing that a couple of them are now doing (being joined at the hip with their boyfriend for example). Unfortunately it does happen and has done with a number of my friends as well, I actually lost one of my best friends because her boyfriend made her choose between me or him. :/
I will say this much though, this friend that hints at you being ugly - this is one persons narrow opinion so don't let it get to you at all. Be yourself and be true to yourself and to who you are - it will be appreciated far more in the long term.
Making friends can be a simply step (as simple as saying hello to a stranger) but being friends at the level that you seek always takes time so try not to worry or rush this - it will happen in due time. I am far older than you and only recently can say I have the most amazing few friends who I trust with my life. A couple of years back I probably would not have been able to say that. Building a strong friendship takes time but this will all come in due time. Some people will enter your life and others will leave, this is just how things work out but don't worry - this kind of friendship you are looking for will come in time. As for joining clubs, this problem with them all already having their own circle of friends will always be a problem but try talking to them and let them see who you are as a person and you may find you fit in perfectly. It will take a bit of a time but you will be able to do it. :)
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