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a confusing breakup
Hi... I was in a long distance relationship... After texting and calling for what seemed like forever,a few years we saw each other...... We did this week... And we had a long talk.
And he broke up with me.. Saying we couldn't be together. That he couldn't give me 110% and that further down the road he would cheat on me. And to not wait for him anymore. And I was wonderful and all that crap....
Now,here is the confusing part..
He said right after 'don't wait for me' that he isn't 100% giving up on him and I... Us... Later he went on to say... All I needed to do was move out here (in the bay area) and get a part time job..
I asked him if he could do better than me.... He said no..
He said he didn't want to break up with me... He didn't want to do this... He loves me... And I saw it in his eyes that he didn't want to hurt me or break my heart.... His body language was so uncomfortable... And his eyes had some held back tears going on....
I've left messages... He hasn't responded... But he keeps viewing my Snapchat..
Also,he said he was going to pray for me and to text him when I got home... And he wanted to keep talking and stay in touch... Which obviously he has not...
Another thing.. I looked straight in his eyes... And I asked him... Is there a battle going on inside of you still even though you made a choice? He responded with yes..... I told him,that if he was still battling with a desicion after he made a choice,that it was the wrong one...
Advice please,what do I do now? Did he make the right choice? Even though he's still deciding in heart what do even though he made a choice? What is going on?? Thanks for the advice in advanced
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I am with the others. LDR's rarely work out. For one thing, its impossible to build up the kind of trust needed to be really intimate as far as sharing of all our thoughts, fears, hopes and dreams and any big dark secrets we may keep.
My first impression with what he actually did say and seem to feel bad about his decision, is that he is hiding or keeping something from you. He may be keeping a part of his background secret from you for fear that you may not accept him if you knew and then thinks its best he not drag you into it.
So yes, his feelings of love may be real but there is something he feels you shouldn't have to put up with. What ever it is, it will apply to any female he ever finds and falls in love with.
If you are wondering as to what could possibly weigh on his mind this way that he would choose to break up and cut off contact, even admit there was a battle going on inside, heres a couple of ideas and there must be many more.
Perhaps mental illness runs in his family or a rare disease that has 70 % chance of all family members contracting and dieing from. Who'd want to put a woman thru that kind of torture, possibly losing him and her kids that way some day.
Or maybe its something of a sexual nature. Maybe he's a cross dresser, maybe he is bi-sexual. It could be something like he used to be in jail, an ex con and cleaned up his life but is afraid a woman couldn't accept or fully trust him.
Or it may be something so minor to you but is a big deal to him. All you can try to do is decide if theres anything that could make you decide to not want to be with him and have a talk with him. Let him know you are a very open minded person and that nothing he tells you could freak you out, that you just want the chance to decide for yourself if his secret that he's not revealed yet, is something you can live with or not. It should be your choice, not his. This tactic could build up his trust to come clean with you and tell you what he's been holding back, his deep dark secret.
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Like the other adviser said, long distance relationships are really hard and you really have to work on them.
He's definitely struggling with the break up. I think he made the right decision for him. For whatever reasons he has, he's making the right one for himself. Because I think if has any doubts about your relationship, it's not fair to stay with you. I believe you do deserve 110% in the relationship and he doesn't believe he can give you that.
I believe the reason he's not answering your texts is so that it's easier for him to move on. Because if you guys keep talking, it'll make it ten times harder on both of you.
So in the end, you can't control what he feels or what he does. You can only control what you do from here on out. So since he made his decision, I think you should try to move on. It will be hard but it's the best thing to do in this situation.
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Long distance relationships are Never easy or ideal. Not to be sexist at all, but it is especially hard for guys because quite a lot of them are more physical (not all of course) so having you there with him is what he would prefer, naturally. He clearly wants to still be with you but just in person and not far away, which is understandable. Frankly, long distance isn't a good idea, so in a way, I think he made the right call. The reason he hasn't been responding is most likely bc he is trying to make it easier on himself to move on, bc if he loves you, talking at first to you isn't going to help you two move on. So you can either do one of two things: 1. try to move on and eventually stay friends, or 2. have one of you two move near each other and stay together.
Hope this helps~
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