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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

So I am only 17 and was was dating this girl who happened to be christian for two months until she broke up with me. The reason we broke up was because I am agnostic and she couldn't take it anymore, even though I told her I was in the first place. In this relationship she never gave me a blowjob but only handies but she said no sex and no bj's while we were dating and I was totally cool with that untill... when she broke up with me she almost immediately had a thing with another her guy and she sucked his dick after she was supposedly against it. She came back to me a 2 weeks or so after she gave the other guy head and she told me everything that happened and was extremely sorry and I took her back. She said if she could go back in time she would definately change what happened. She told me she now did blowjobs and here we are five months later and I haven't even gotten a handjob, I only finger her which ive done about 10 times since we've been together again. So my question is should I talk to her about giving me head or just anything sexual? Or am I just way overreacting and I should leave this whole thing alone. She's really in love with me now and I almost broke up with her about a month ago because of what happened right after our breakup. One thing about this girl is that she has been fingered and gave hand jobs to plenty of men in her past and it just bothers me that I never get anything in return.

I agree with Razhie. If your going to hold her past against her then maybe she is not the girl for you.

For example: Lets say for discussion the two of you stay together and you eventually marry. During this time nothing sexually changes between the two of you. On your wedding night you discover she is not a virgin. Will you hold this against her?

Everyone has a past and most of us have a sexual past as well. It is possible that her love is such that she wants a fresh start with you. There have been some famous people; many with very colored sexual histories. Who have had second starts and not had sexual relations with their new intended mates before the wedding night.

Yes you should talk to her and find out what her intentions are towards you. NO you should not demand any type of sexual acts from her to keep you in the relationship for that is sexual harassment.

If she must give you a BJ to prove her love for you. Then I question your love for her.

Alright, well here I go.

I'm about the age your grandfather would be so I am going to offer you some grandfatherly advice.

I think you should call your dad more often. My reason is the same why I don't call my son as often as maybe I should.

You probably have a cell phone correct. So does my son, it is his only phone; he does not see a reason to have a landline phone. My son is a paramedic/firefighter and I know his work schedule and I could call him at work but being a former firefighter myself, you never know when you will be on a call.

When he is not working, is he home, out riding his motorcycle, on a date, or just what he may be doing and I don't want to disturb him. With us older folks most of us even if we have cell phone we are reluctant to give up that landline we grew up with. I know when I'm home I turn my cell phone off so it is the land line most people use to call me.

Is your dad like this? If so you can leave him a message as most of us do have some type of answering service these days. Where as if you call his cell phone and it is off he may not get the message until he turns it back on. If you also have a landline phone at home he may be reluctant to call for mom may answer and he may not want to speak with her.

These are the reasons why it is better for you to call dad. I suggest you call dad and find out when during the week it is convenient for both of you to be on the phone with each other. Then get in the habit of calling him. I know for a fact that you will make him feel better and you will too. When parents divorce the non-custodial parent is always concerned with how the children are doing and if they can still have a relationship with their children or if that relationship has been poisoned by the divorce.

Your making the effort to call your dad will make him very happy. Your phone call will also allow you to maintain a relationship even if you can't visit him as often as you might since he had to move away.

Women have told me that they love my husband and would do anything to get with him. I've been told that he is THEIR exact type and ask why is he with me. I am not an ugly woman and I scratch my head wondering what they see in him. He is attractive to me and very nice but this is becoming a problem. The checker at our local store asked him if she could be the strawberries on his shortcake. He tells me when some woman hits on him which makes matters worse. There's woman at his job that makes him lunch and he says he just takes it because its free food and that he isn't interested in her. What is going on? This has become a frequent event (once or twice a week) at least. Some women will smile all in his face even if we go out somewhere together and or stand near us & make loud comments like "Why is he with her?" . One woman told him that if he became bored with me, she was available. Is he encouraging this behavior? I see other attractive, married men and nobody is making the moves on them! What's up?

This is a hard question for any of us to answer. It would be easy for me to say something like it takes two to Tango which would give you reason maybe to suspect your husband of something but I just might be wrong. Some women are just jealous of what other women have.

Before I retired, yes I may be old enough to be your grandfather, I worked as a sales rep selling into an industry that employed women that ranged from pretty to beautiful. It was more or less part of the job description for that job. I don't consider myself overly handsome, I might qualify as having average good looks.

My problem was similar to yours as if my wife and I were out someplace it almost was without fail we would run into some of these women. They would come up to me and hug me, kiss me and if the had babies they had to show them to me. I knew this had to be upsetting to my wife as I'm sure if good looking guys kept coming up to her I would be upset.

Early in my career I explained to her what I did each day. I also made sure to be home every day at a specific time. I also let her know it was only her bed I slept in except when traveling, which was rare and I was always alone in that motel bed.

Part of my job was to get these women to want to sell my products. To do that meant having a good rapport with them. It did not mean I flirted with them all though there were one or two who tried to flirt with me.

If your husband comes home to you each night. If he comes home at the same time each night. Then I would say you have nothing to worry about and these women are just being jealous and stupid. Either ignore them or tell them he's yours and to put their claws away.

My cousin is making me feel really uncomfortable. Today we went to my uncles house to watch the soccer match (FIFA 2014) so I was feeling ok. I went to my cousin and asked him a favor if he could download me a movie and pass it to my USB. He said ok so I went upstairs with him and at first he acted all right he asked how i was at school...... Then all of sudden he grabbed my waist pulled me to him closer each time and started touching my back softly! Then he grabbed my hand and kissed it and started like touching my back again it felt disgusting! He asked me if I feel uncomfortable and of course I said YES! Then he left and I just stood there feeling Ughh ! I don't want to tell my parents! Please what else can I do? Help me!

What your cousin did was wrong and I urge you to tell your parents. He stopped when you told him you were uncomfortable. Maybe he stopped because you are a relative and he feared if he went further you would run downstairs and tell his parents or yours. What about the next girl he try's this with and he very well may try this with another girl who many not be so lucky as you were and he rapes her.

This is very possible as this is the behavior of a potential sexual predator. While he will get in trouble should your parents tell his parents. It is the right type of trouble for him to get into for hopefully his parents will also see to it he gets the proper help before he really hurts some other girl and maybe goes to prison.

I'm not writing this to scare you; this is what could happen. Some guys a wired to think they can take whatever they want when they want it, including sex thinking the girl is asking for it. His thinking may have been that your going up to his room was you wanting him sexually. He was wrong but that may have been how he saw it. He needs help and he won't get it if you remain silent.

Tell your parents what happened.

I need a little advice on how to handle a coworkers behavior! I started this part time job about 2 months ago! Everyone has been verynice! One guy in particular has been overly flirtatious, and at first I wasn't sure if it was because I was the new girl or if he really likes me! After some time has passed he's continuously hit on me and its making me a bit uncomfortable! I've already tried the nice polite route and told him I'm not interested and I don't get with people who are in relationships already! He's continued to hit in me still! Again I told him I was all set, a bit more stern! He still doesn't seem to get the idea! Should I tell him again or should I go to management? I don't want to create waves or drama, but I'm uncomfortable!

Give him one more warning. Tell him that you are very uncomfortable with his advances, hitting on you, to the point you consider it "sexual harassment in the work place." Use that exact terminology for it is a violation of Federal and State EEOC regulations. Tell him this is his last warning that if he doesn't stop bothering you that you will go to HR or management I there is not an HR department and file an EEOC complaint against him.

EEOC filings are very serious and management must take action. If they do not then you have the right to go to the State EEOC office and file.

What I have written above is the right way to do this. IF you think he is the type of person who would go to management, after you tell him, and file first. You either skip this and go directly to management or have a friend witness you conversation with him who will tell management or HR precisely when you told him to stay away or you were going to file a complaint.

IF you feel he is the type that would try to protect himself by filing against you first. Then skip the warning and just go directly to HR or management and file the EEOC complaint as "Sexual Harassment in the work place;" by this guy. You only need to tell him to stop once before it becomes sexual harassment.

Once I have anal sex and it didn't slipper to my vagina, am I still a virgin? (Stressed)

By today's definition of "Virgin" you are still a virgin. Today's definition of "Virgin" for a female is that there has been no penetration of her vagina by a penis.

By this definition you are still a virgin. In the biblical sense you may not be for even though you only had anal sex, you have had copulated with him. In a manner of speaking you have had carnal knowledge of one another since anal sex is now considered a sex act.

Copulation; the act of a man having penetrative sexual relations with a woman.

It really depends on how you want to define being a virgin.

My boyfriend sacrificed 2 years focusing on soccer. He wants to be a soccer player. He was on a soccer camp to prepare for this huge tryout that he had been dreaming in getting. His very upset. What can I tell him to make him feel better?

RAINHORSE68 is correct; "You are only a loser if you quit." Keep reminding him of that. There are two types of people in the world; “Those who fail to plan and those whose plans fail.” Your boyfriend had his plan fail this does not speak badly about him. At least he had a plan, he worked his plan and something beyond his control let him down. That does not mean he failed. IN this instance someone failed to see his ability and they failed him.

What you have to do is be supportive. Remind him he can try again. Many Olympians and World Athletes do not make teams on their first try. You keep trying; you keep improving your skill until you make the team.

He needs lots of TLC at the moment. Though he might need a strong kick in the pants soon if he falls into a self-pity and refuses to pick himself up and start practicing for the next round of tryouts. You may have to supply that kick in the pants as well.

I am going threw a divorce my husband took everything. Vehicle everything that goes in a home. I got my two amazing children. I had to move closer to family and start over. It will be one year in the middle of July. I am finally able to move out on my own with my children. I have enough stuff for a home a good full time job. Due to our living situation. My children and I have had to share a room. My son on a mattress my daughter and I shared the bed. They will have their own rooms in 2 weeks ! What's a good way to help the cope with going into their own rooms their own beds they are older 4 and 7 but it's going to be hard on them. We've all been threw a lot this year

You start by talking to them, getting them excited about having their own rooms just like all their friends. You get their help in choosing what colors to paint the room, regardless of how outlandish a color they pick that is the color you paint their room for now anyway. Remember you can always close the door to their room. Doing these things helps make the room theirs. Of course while picking their colors you can try to steer them to a more palatable color.

I remember when my sister, who was divorced, moved out of my parents home and into her first house. While she went back to school my nieces shared a room and a queen sized bed. IN the house they would both have their own room. On niece loved the color pink and the youngest one the color purple. The pink color the older girl chose wasn't so bad. The purple color first chosen was a real deep purple and while not all that bad it would have made the room very dark. The room did get painted in purple but a much lighter shade after my sister worked with my niece on her choice and accessories for the room.

What was important was involving the girls in everything that went into putting their rooms together, from paints to furniture. After 3 years of sharing a room and a be the problems my sister expected didn't happen. The girls were both happy to go to their own room for bed the very first nigh. I believe it was because they truly believed the rooms were really theirs.

me and my boyfriend cuddled kissed and snuggled this is the first time for us and first he ejaculated half into my anus and my hymen did not break.the second time the same day we tried to ejaculate but the penis did not enter. i don't know whether the semen went into my vagina or not.i got wet in my panties and he too got pre-ejaculation liquid we both did without our clothes.is there any chance to get pregnant?

It is really hard to say one way or the other. The best way to get pregnant is for ejaculation to take place in the vagina. There are documented cases though were the ejaculate was on or near the vagina and sperm was able to enter the vagina and impregnate the female. These cases are rare but they have happened.

The only way for you to be sure other than waiting to see if you get your period, which if you're stressed out enough probably won't happen due to the stress, is to take a home pregnancy test. Go to the pharmacy and by a test kit. Follow the direction on how long after sex has taken place and when to test. IF the test is negative you are not pregnant. The test kits give more false positives than false negatives.

If you want to be totally sure or if you get a positive result. Wait 10 days and test again. IF you get the same result the test is most likely accurate. If you are pregnant then you need to see your GYN for a proper test.

How do you be yourself with a new group of people? Like, what if your social identity is defined by what your college friends loved about you, but now you need to adapt to a new group who may not love you for the same things? How do you still make new friends without putting on a total and complete facade? And how do you present yourself in a more mature way without reverting to old ways (i.e. immature humor, ignorant thinking) but still not being totally fake? How do you gain respect from people a few years older than you?

This is really a great question. I am assuming you have recently graduated from college and now working in your first real adult job. You are truly transitioning from a young college adult to a young working adult.

The short answer to your question is just be yourself. You are not going to fool anyone and are liable to alienate more people by trying to be someone you are not than by being yourself.

Your workplace friends are going to like you for the same things your college friends liked about you. Yes the immature humor and ignorant thinking was part of college life and is not a part of the workplace; it is also not what totally defines you as a person. Immature humor does have a place outside of the workplace and your humor will mature as you do.

Maturity is something that comes with age. I am more mature today then I was yesterday and so are you. Each day as we go about our business if we do so correctly we learn. As we learn we mature. You will always be slightly less mature than older co workers this should not be a concern. What you should concern yourself with is learning from your coworkers what they are willing to share with you. In this way you grow and mature so you can them pass your knowledge on to future younger co workers.

Again in short be yourself, keep your eyes and ears open and ask the older co workers to teach you what you don't know. Don't try and bluff your way through something. This is how you earn respect.

I know of many instances where a college graduate may have the book learning that the coworker may lack the but coworker has the hands on experience that out shines the degree. When you pair the book knowledge with hands on experienced knowledge you can have an unbeatable team if both are willing to accept that in many ways each has something more to contribute than the other. Keep this in mind when working with older co workers.

I am 25 years old and I have a interview with my Vocational rehab counselor at Good will a Vocational rehab counselor is somebody who helps people that have disabilities get jobs that doesn't affect their SSI money . The Interview is this Tuesday so I need answers ASAP! I have no idea what to wear to meet my vocational rehab counselor for the first meeting and I don't have any dress pants and all I have is flip flops blue jeans and some nice blouses please help . also when I had the pone interview they asked me if I had any problems with speaking in front of a large crowd but I told them no so but in reality I have social Anxiety disorder and I am scared to death that I am going to freak even though the oral presentation is only in front of 7 or 8 people please help me so I don't be as nervous this Tuesday . also my cousin told me I don't need to smoke right before the interview is she right ? Thanks .

First of all relax; I too am disabled and while I am older than you, I'm retirement age. I too have let my wardrobe go a bit as I no longer need to dress for success as they say. The people at goodwill will understand this. If you can see if a friend or a relative might have a pair of shoes, that are in good condition, that will fit you properly you can borrow. If no the flip flops will have to do. The same with a pair of slacks or a skirt. If not the jeans will have to do. Just make sure they are clean and serviceable. You may even want to iron them for the occasion.

If you need to smoke before your interview do so, it will help calm you down. Just do so in the designated smoking area.

Now as for your social Anxiety disorder; this is tougher to control but you can do so if you remain calm. I suggest you inform the interviewer of this and they will do what they can to help you relax.

When I first started selling as a sales representative I had to get up in front of groups of people to give presentations. While I don't suffer from anxiety disorder the thought of standing up in front of people and making a fool of myself scared me stiff.

There are two schools of thought of how to get over these problems. One way is to picture in your mind that everyone in your audience is naked and of course you are fully dressed. This works for some people. What worked for me best was the second way. I found someone in the audience I could make eye contact with. Someone who seemed friendly and I spoke to that person directly focusing on him or her and blocking everyone else out. In this way you are not talking to a group you are talking to one person just as if you were sitting across from each other or on the phone with each other.

The second way worked best for me, although it was fun to picture everyone naked. After a while I got use to talking to groups of people and I was able to move my eyes around the room and focus on different people at different times.

Most importantly to answer your question. Dress as best you can for your interview. Just make sure whatever you wear is clean and presentable. If you need to smoke then do so as it will help you stay calm. Tell the interviewer about your social Anxiety disorder. If he/she asks why you did not say anything during the phone interview just say you want this interview so badly you failed to mention it and apologize.

Good luck, stay relaxed and just be yourself.

I'm 17 and lost my virginity to my boyfriend a few weeks ago. We used protection the correct way, no breakage or slippage, and I'm on estelle 35 ed which I'm not sure has extreme protection of pregnancy. We are extremely safe, and make sure no breakage has happened. I don't often get signs of my period, sometimes a bit of rumbling in my stomach, and also heavier discharge a week or two before. I was diagnosed with possible PCOS so always had irregular periods and no sign of them coming, and have been on Laila/estelle 35 ed for two years. What's the possibility of me being pregnant? I have no discharge and I'm due on a few days. Thank youbl!

According to the manufacturer laila/estelle 35 is an effective oral contraceptive. When you combine an oral contraceptive with a condoms you are almost 100% safe from getting pregnant, The chances are something like .00001% or less. So stop worrying as stress also causes a women to miss periods. In fact stress related missed periods happens more than pregnancy related missed period.

Relax the chances are you're not pregnant.

First off, minimum wage for tipped employees in my state, CO, is $5, and $8 for regular minimum wage.

I am a server at brand new restaurant/bar. I was in training for a few days (on the clock), and then started working on my own. I just got my paycheck and noticed I was only paid $5 for all of my hours, including my training hours, even though during those training hours I was not tipped at all. At my previous job, Old Chicago, I was paid the regular minimum wage of $8 per hour during all of my training hours. Is my current job allowed to be paying me $5 and hour for my training hours?

They also completely did not pay me for one of my days in training, and I was on the clock then too.

You have asked two different questions here. One question is easy to answer. For the other you are going to have to consult your state's wage and hours commission.

The easy question to answer is the day you were not paid for. If you clocked in then you should have been paid. Once you strike a time card you are on the clock and that means you should be paid up till the time you clock out. Every job requires some training dime, some paperwork completion for payroll and learning the proper forms for placing an order. If you clocked in and this is all you did this day, the fact that you clocked in means the manager meant for your to be paid for those hours. Talk to your manager about the missing days pay.

Whether you are paid tipping wages or minimum wage during training is determined by individual states. IF the state does not have a policy for this then it is up to the individual employer. Before you say anything to you manager talk to wage and hours commission to see if the state has a policy for this. They may have and it may be so remote in the language of the labor laws that your employer may not be aware.

My advice is to get the proper answer from wage and hours before going to your manager about which wage is correct for training. I also suggest you talk to you manager about the missing days pay.

20,f
I have a problem finding a boyfriend and I think it may be because of my appearance. I am 162cm tall,weigh about 65kg,I have long blonde hair,blue eyes and I dress nice. I am told by many people that I am actually beautiful but I have trouble believing it because it is really hard for me to find a boyfriend. I do take care of my looks but I'm no supermodel. My good friends and family told me they think I'm having difficulties with this because I don't want to go for just a one night stand,I want a serious relationship with a normal guy. But I feel like nobody will even try to get to know me because there are so many prettier girls than me out there. Pretty face will be gone,but a good woman will always be a good woman. So is appearance really the main factor for a guy who is choosing a possible girlfriend? Just thinking about it makes me stop pursuing anyone ever again.

The problem may be that you look to good. This doesn't mean you should start dressing down. Young men have a great fear of rejection. Because of this fear they may not approach good looking women out of fear they are not handsome enough for them. It is a feeling of vanity begets vanity thing which you and I know is not true, though many young men think that way.

You’re not looking for one night stands. This is a good thing. You’re looking for a serious relationship with a normal guy who is not just interested in putting another notch on his belt. This is good and there are many different ways of going about this. Most importantly is finding a way for someone to get to know you first on a common plane so to speak. One of those planes is in the work place. Though there is another more relaxed atmosphere in which to meet people and get to know them.

I have a saying I use quite a bit in answer questions here. "Beauty is only skin deep, one day you will wake and need to actually talk to each other and find out you have nothing in common." Why not start meeting people who might have some of the same interests you do. This gives you something in common to talk about and to get to know each other over.

Here is what I suggest. Sit down with a pen and paper. Make a list of everything that interests you. It could be hiking, camping, bowling, art, literature, church any and all things that bring you pleasure and enjoyment. Then number them in order of importance to you. Then find clubs or outings for the top five on your list and take part in one or two of their meetings or outings. If you enjoy the club, join it.

Now you have something in common with other people both men and women. It is easier to start a conversation and to get to know these people. The other women can introduce you to men they know. The men may want to continue a conversation after the meeting over coffee. This could lead to a date which could lead to a relationship.

My suggestion is much better than bar hopping which is an invitation to a one night stand. Having common ground goes beyond skin deep and exposes the person underneath. This is the person everyone wants to know and the person every guy once he finds her wants to bring home to mother. I know I did and that was 43 years ago and nothing really changes when it comes to romance and relationships.

Give your best college advice

Make the most of your college experience.

1. Make time for your studies

2. Make time for College activities

3. Make time for friends and romance

4. Most of all make sure to take full advantage of the opportunity college is providing you. If this is your first time away from home and away from parental supervision you may feel the urge to party, especially if you are at a party school.

There is a time and a place for partying after you take care of the business of getting what you are there for. You have your whole life to party. Generally you get only one chance to go to college. Make the most of it by taking advantage of everything college has to offer.

This includes a social life but in its proper place after you taken care of the higher priorities. Prioritizing what is important and doing things by the order of importance will allow you to fully enjoy your college experience.

I know I sound like a parent talking and I am. I also have the scars and the pictures to know what I am saying and why I am offering the advice I am. If you prioritize your workload and fill in with things of other importance to you; then you can fully experience college life.

Good luck and study hard.

So I am in the 8th grade- going into 9th. I'm pretty sure this all started in 5th grade btw... but I think I have a depression/ anxiety/ bipolar disorder. I've taken A LOT of these quizzes and screenings online for them and it states that I have a high case of it and I should get some help just in case... I also had one of my friends take it and she got a high ish score too but her mom found it and she took her to get help and she has been getting help from medications because she was diagnosed with quite a few disorders like depression and anxiety. I've told her about my scores and she has told me many times to ask my mom but I'm afraid to. I mean I don't cry every night or day about my life but I do a lot and when i do it's horrible and i have no one to talk to about it. If i tell my mom, she'll either think i'm crazy or she won't believe me. And what if I am actually diagnosed with those disorders? I'm going to have to talk to a therapist (she does) and get on medication.. and that's going to cost a lot of money... and nows not the time to make my mom worried and have to pay money. she and my dad have been stressed lately and it's just too much money and i don't think we could afford it with all this shiz going on. I want help but I don't want my parents to have to go through all this...

First: These online quizzes are not a diagnostic tools. They are at best an indicator that you MAY be predisposed to a certain condition the test or quiz is designed to root out.

The test or quiz is also designed to indicate the condition far more easily than the actual diagnostic test would so you will go see a doctor and be properly tested. Just because your friend, who when properly tested, did have the condition indicated does not mean you do. Everyone is different and it takes your doctor who knows you asking different questions to come up with a proper diagnoses.

Second: Never ever second guess what you parents can and cannot afford, especially when it comes to your health. Both your physical and mental health. As a parent I can tell everything in our lives comes a distant second to the health and well being of our children. This is a promise we made when we decided to have children and we always find a way.

Now as to mom believing you or not. This is a different story. I can't say whether she will believe you or not. She may believe that these online test are a bunch of BS and tell you not to believe them. She knows you best and I think she would know if you were depressed and if the depression was bad enough to need a doctors care.

The flip side of this could be in telling mom it would be a light bulb experience for her in enlightening her to something she had not thought of. She may have noticed changes in you that concern her but unsure of the reason.

Your job is to tell your parents when you are not feeling well. It doesn't matter if it is a cold, sore throat or something like this. As I said in reason two, it is not your worry to count the money in their pocket. It is their job to care for you.

In any case school is out for the summer in most of the country. Before you return to school, most schools require you to have a physical and to have the doctor update your immunization records. During your physical you can tell the doctor about this test and how you scored. The doctor can test you at that time. The test is simply answering a number of questions the doctor will ask from which a diagnosis is made.

15/f, yes I selfharm and this was intended but it was my first time burning as I usually just cut. Anyways I don't want anyone to pay attention to how I selfharm. I burned 3 spots about an inch long on each with a curling iron and then I think they've gotten infected. They're like a pink colour with red around them and very swollen. Going to a doctor is not an option so I need things I can do to help here. I've applied polysporin on it for a couple days now and I'm not sure if it's helping. I've had the burns for almost a week.. Help?

Burns are very serious. When someone gets a burn the burn does not always stop when the heat source is removed. The burn can continue to burn deeper and deeper. This is the problem with burns and why when someone gets a serious burn they MUST be treated by a doctor and sometimes at a specialized burn center.

You have escalated your self-harm to the point where you could end up in the hospital in very serious condition. I beg you to either go to a hospital ER and have this latest injury treated properly or pick up a phone and dial 911. You do not need parental permission, ever, to call 911 for help.

You need professional help to correct the problems you suffer from. If you feel a current doctor is not helping find a new one but get professional help before it is too late. Suicide is never an answer it is the wrong solution.

Everyone is put on this earth for a reason. Who knows what you have to contribute. You just may be the person to find the answer to one of the world’s greatest health problems. Get some help for yourself and live your life the way it was meant to be lived.

You give very good advice but it's hard to explain so much in a short summary so I apologize for the lack of detail. I would just like to verify though that I do respect Carlos, because yes, I do understand that he was willing to take me into his home and I do appreciate it. But my idea of being rude was that as he was yelling at me, I literally just sat there silently and I didn't look him in the face. I couldn't. When he asked me a question, I just said, "mhm" instead of "yes". I didn't backtalk him, or say anything mean. So just incase I misled you on the way I handled that problem, that may have changed your view a bit. He isn't abusive physically, but he is mentally and psychologically. He calls my mom fat all the time, and makes fun of her weight. She has never been so insecure of herself and it makes me mad that he's more aggressive than supportive of her weight loss (and she's not even close to obese, she may be 10 pounds overweight). He also makes her feel stupid because he asks her questions that no one would ever know the answer to but him, and when she doesn't know the answer, he makes fun of her. And if she asks a question about anything just because she wants to know, he makes her feel so bad about herself that she should know that, everyone knows that, and she's just uneducated. He makes her feel inferior to him, which is something no one has ever been able to do to her. Everyone who's comfortable enough to talk to me about this say my mom seems like a different person and that she always looks sad. I don't disagree. She used to be one of the happiest people I knew.

He has been home from work a lot for the past few months while my mom has been working about 12 hours straight each day. He will sit at home on his computer ALL day EVERY day and not do anything so that when my mom comes home tired, he makes her cook him dinner, clean up after him, and clean up the house. I have lived with him for a year now and I have not ever, not once, seen him pick up a pot or a broom. He bosses her around all day, tells her to do everything because he's too lazy to do it..and she listens! He treats her like she's a dog. Also, he talks crap about everyone in my moms family including my brother, his fiance, and my dad who he's met twice. He has absolutely no right to talk about them. But since he does, he makes my mom think it too and she begins to grow hatred towards them and now she doesn't even want to see any of them anymore. They haven't given her a good reason for her to hate them. But obviously he doesn't like to share my mom with anyone so it was his plan all along to push them all away. Now, my aunt, my cousins and my grandma won't even see us that often unless he's gone. Is there anything suspicious about that? My mom is the only one who likes him, but it's not even for the right reasons. I asked her before she married him if it was because she really loved him, or because she has no money. Her reply: "We have no where else to go." I would have rather lived with my aunt like she offered countless times. She's not happy, I'm not happy, no one is. I just feel so trapped. But if I leave to my dad's, she probably won't ever talk to me again. And I can't lose my mom.

I apologize for the delay in getting back to you. I am only available to answer question in the morning. I do appreciate you writing back with a bit more information as it makes things a bit clearer.

I believe I understand your concerns and from what you have written they are valid concerns. It appears your stepfather has an ego problem. I sure hope the mannerism he shows at home is not reflective of his cockpit management as it appears it might be. As cockpit management today and his home life are 180 degrees out. If so he is seriously endangering his aircraft and passengers.

As for your mom; she is what I believe is suffering as a battered woman. Whether she believes this or not the problem is compounded by the fact that she may not be willing to have another failed marriage in her life. Therefore she makes excuses or accepts her husband's abuses.

People in your mother's situation, be they a battered spouse or an alcoholic they will not accept help or advice until they hit bottom. Everyone's bottom is different just where your mothers bottom will be I can't say. Hopefully it won't be in a hospital or a court of law.

The best advice I have for you at this time is for you to do what is best for your first. If that means moving in with you dad then do so. Explain to mom why you are doing so and tell her you will always be there for her. You need to continue to be supportive of her and for her but from a far.

This would also be a good time to tell her that you cannot be in the middle between her and your brother. You tell her that you love both of them and you cannot be in the middle between them as it is to hurtful for you. Hopefully she will understand.

There is no support groups for children of battered parents that I am aware of. I'm think though that the problem of getting the abused person to realize they are in trouble and that there are alternatives is not that different from those who suffer with substance abuse. For those families there is a support group called al anon and alateen. You might get some ideas on how to help your mother by attending some al alateen meetings. below is the URL for al alateen's directory to find a meeting in your area.

http://al-anon.alateen.org/local-meetings

I'm honestly not even sure where to start, im probably overthinking things but i dont know. I'm biologically a female (oh and 14) and for the majority of my life up until a few months ago ive been comfortable with that, from what i remember. But recently ive been having times where i'll look at myself and feel like a boy, and like the illusion of being a boy, and feel kind of pleased when people mistake me for a boy. Sometimes I'll even try to lower my voice a little bit so that strangers might see me as a boy. But another part of me is thinking that i'm overreacting, and im only thinking this because 1. i just got my hair cut short into a boy cut and 2. my best friend just came out to me as an ftm male. I know about genderfluid and all those genders but do you think i could be questioning for REAL, or am i just overthinking things?

I think it is a combination of puberty and your friend coming out to you. Generally speaking people who are transgender or gender fluid just do not wake up one morning feeling different. They generally speak of feeling this way from their earliest memory.

Puberty releases a number of hormones into our bodies. We become sexually aware and start to question our sexuality. All of this is quite normal. What is abnormal is to start sticking labels on ourselves. What this means is to relax and let your body take you where you are meant to be. Learn about your sexuality and experiment with your sexuality. This does not mean go out and have intercourse with a boy.

It does mean it is okay to set some rules as to how far you will let a boy go when making out and then stick to them. We have all done this as teenagers, including your parents. It is part of being a teenager. This is how we learn about what we like and don't like. Who we are sexually. It is even okay to have a sexual experience of sorts with someone of the same sex if you feel the need to do so. This would not make you a bisexual or a lesbian.

This is a lot about what teenage life is meant to be. It is part of learning how to be an adult and what type of adult life you want for yourself in all facets of your adult life.

You should be able to go to mom or dad with these questions as they simply are part of life. If for some reason you feel you can't then that is why we are here for. You can write us in general of anyone of us in private and we will give you the best answer we can to any question you pose to us. It is important that you include your name, sex and a good description of your problem when you write to us.

I was re-admitted into a masters program after being dismissed for academic reasons. I needed to be cleared to register for classes, and my advisor cleared me, however she mentioned that I may have a Dean's Hold from previous semesters (since I was dismissed).

I went ahead and emailed the dean and vice dean, as well as the admissions office, to see how I could resolve this issue. I let my advisor know that I did so, and a few minutes later, she emailed me the following:

" I can assist you with hold. It is not a matter for the deans of the school to address. Please email them immediately and let them know the matter is being addressed. Next time, just check with me first. If further action is required, I'll let you know. "

My first impression was that she sounded annoyed with me-- that I contacted the deans first without consulting with her first. I did not mean any harm, I simply thought I was doing the best thing (since it was a DEAN'S hold, after all). Hopefully I am overanalyzing this, because I really don't want to return back to the program with an awkward or tense relationship with my advisor over this. Any thoughts?

You may have stepped on her toes a bit though I would not be concerned. From what you have written she did not make it clear that she had to find out if there was a Deans hold on your account and have it taken clear of. If it is any conciliation; from what you wrote I would have assumed it was my responsibility to clear the hold.

I do not see the need to apologize as doing so would only stir the pot some more. By you going directly to the dean you may have made it look as if she was not doing her job. Just email the dean and Vice-Dean that you were not aware your advisor was handling this and to disregard your previous email, bcc: your advisor.

In the future in talking with your advisor if something is not clear, question her. Just remember the only stupid question is the one not asked.

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