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Is appearance really the most important thing for a guy?
20,f
I have a problem finding a boyfriend and I think it may be because of my appearance. I am 162cm tall,weigh about 65kg,I have long blonde hair,blue eyes and I dress nice. I am told by many people that I am actually beautiful but I have trouble believing it because it is really hard for me to find a boyfriend. I do take care of my looks but I'm no supermodel. My good friends and family told me they think I'm having difficulties with this because I don't want to go for just a one night stand,I want a serious relationship with a normal guy. But I feel like nobody will even try to get to know me because there are so many prettier girls than me out there. Pretty face will be gone,but a good woman will always be a good woman. So is appearance really the main factor for a guy who is choosing a possible girlfriend? Just thinking about it makes me stop pursuing anyone ever again.
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It is true that appearance is generally a factor in any relationship, with the fairly obvious exception of the blind. However, that does not necessarily mean that it is the most important factor.
What is the most important factor varies from guy to guy. Some might like girls with a lot of intelligence or a nerdy side, others like girls who are funny, still others might like girls who share their particular interests. The point is, looks are not always at the top of the list.
A lot of people have trouble finding a boyfriend or girlfriend and that's OK. It's not such an easy thing to do for everyone. Don't rush it and don't settle.
But perhaps most importantly, based on what you say in your question, it seems that you have some self-esteem issues that you need to deal with. You have to realize that you are a worthwhile person and the only one who can control the way you feel is yourself.
As I have done before, I recommend reading the book "Feeling Good" by Dr. David Burns. I bet you'll gain a whole new perspective on things.
Good luck.
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The problem may be that you look to good. This doesn't mean you should start dressing down. Young men have a great fear of rejection. Because of this fear they may not approach good looking women out of fear they are not handsome enough for them. It is a feeling of vanity begets vanity thing which you and I know is not true, though many young men think that way.
You’re not looking for one night stands. This is a good thing. You’re looking for a serious relationship with a normal guy who is not just interested in putting another notch on his belt. This is good and there are many different ways of going about this. Most importantly is finding a way for someone to get to know you first on a common plane so to speak. One of those planes is in the work place. Though there is another more relaxed atmosphere in which to meet people and get to know them.
I have a saying I use quite a bit in answer questions here. "Beauty is only skin deep, one day you will wake and need to actually talk to each other and find out you have nothing in common." Why not start meeting people who might have some of the same interests you do. This gives you something in common to talk about and to get to know each other over.
Here is what I suggest. Sit down with a pen and paper. Make a list of everything that interests you. It could be hiking, camping, bowling, art, literature, church any and all things that bring you pleasure and enjoyment. Then number them in order of importance to you. Then find clubs or outings for the top five on your list and take part in one or two of their meetings or outings. If you enjoy the club, join it.
Now you have something in common with other people both men and women. It is easier to start a conversation and to get to know these people. The other women can introduce you to men they know. The men may want to continue a conversation after the meeting over coffee. This could lead to a date which could lead to a relationship.
My suggestion is much better than bar hopping which is an invitation to a one night stand. Having common ground goes beyond skin deep and exposes the person underneath. This is the person everyone wants to know and the person every guy once he finds her wants to bring home to mother. I know I did and that was 43 years ago and nothing really changes when it comes to romance and relationships.
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I strongly disagree that appearance is the most important quality in finding someone. I know PLENTY of girls who are not very pretty and have boyfriends. Appearance only catches the eye, but personality is really what matters and what will make someone fall truly in love.
When you say you have trouble finding a normal guy, does this mean that you have found plenty who find you attractive, but you have no attraction to them? Maybe you should spend more time getting to know them, unless they are asses right off the bat. Or do you mean not a single guy will talk to you? If that's the case, then maybe you need to put yourself out there more. Many guys nowadays are very superficial, so I understand what you mean when you say appearance is most important to them, but it's going to take time to find a guy who actually sees beyond that. Also, consider where you actually go to meet them. If you go to a nightclub or a bar, most guys will definitely just be looking for a one night stand. Just don't let yourself be fooled and believe that you're not pretty enough, I'm sure you are gorgeous. Just be confident, don't let the superficial men get you down, and keep looking for that special one(:
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Do you know Ugly Betty or I Love Betty La Fea in spanish then she was loved by the gut not because of her looks but because of her good heart and some movies have that concept.
Never ever think that everything beautiful is nice because it is like a mask that hides the true face of a person.
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I don't think her friends and family were encouraging her to have one night stands. I think they were trying to say, that's what a lot of guys want. At least, I hope so!
Anyways, appearance is a big deal. But everyone finds different people attractive. Even girls who aren't considered the prettiest can get a great boyfriend so it's not ALL about looks. It's really good to take care of yourself and put effort into how you look, but obviously, it's not all about that.
I think being attracted to someone is the first step, then you get to know them and you either have feelings for them or you don't.
So just keep your head high. You're only 20. Keep your standards high and don't stress out.
A lot of girls start feeling insecure and bad for themselves when they can't get a boyfriend easily. But then that lack of self confidence will show.
So don't be that girl. Don't be that girl who doesn't believe they are beautiful JUST because they don't have a boyfriend, that doesn't define beauty.
You'll see beautiful girls who can't find the right guy for them. Then girls who aren't the most attractive to find guys.
Don't rush, just take your time. It won't happen overnight and it'll take awhile to find a guy worth your time.
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Oh my goodness, your family?? And friends think you should go for one night stands to be popular with guys??!! I'm a mom of three grown daughters, one two years older than you. I can't imagine telling them to sleep with a guy for the night just to become popular.
The kind of popular they are talking about is like your name and phone number written on a mens restroom wall by a one night stand saying, for a good time, call Sheila at xxx-xxxx. That is not the kind of man who wants a woman to care about and love, this gets the ones motivated by lust, not love. Please...don't listen to them, listen to your heart and stick with what you want. Keep the standards high, don't settle for less. Sometimes it is that ones personality type, shy or slow to warm up to feeling comfortable with meeting people types just don't stand out as much as those who are more talkative and outgoing.
I don't know you so it could be as simple as working on this:
Finding ways to get comfortable with approaching others and starting conversation. It could be a lack of understanding men and the do's and don't of attracting a guy and dating a guy. It could be that you lack self confidence. Self confidence speaks as loudly as good looks with all men except the types who seek only the model types just for sex. And those guys, you don't want anyways.There are great videos I've seen on you tube when doing a search for girls and guys on attractions and dating guidelines. Theres a lot of good information out there. If you want some idea's for self confidence or how to overcome difficulty starting conversation if you believe that might be part of the problem, let me know by writing to my column as to exactly what you need and I'll be glad to give you some hints. I have learned how to overcome all that myself and what i Used really worked for me.
So in answer to your question if appearance is the main factor for a guy in choosing a girlfriend, no it is not. Let me know if I can help at a deeper level. Good luck.
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