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Not sure about gender?
I'm honestly not even sure where to start, im probably overthinking things but i dont know. I'm biologically a female (oh and 14) and for the majority of my life up until a few months ago ive been comfortable with that, from what i remember. But recently ive been having times where i'll look at myself and feel like a boy, and like the illusion of being a boy, and feel kind of pleased when people mistake me for a boy. Sometimes I'll even try to lower my voice a little bit so that strangers might see me as a boy. But another part of me is thinking that i'm overreacting, and im only thinking this because 1. i just got my hair cut short into a boy cut and 2. my best friend just came out to me as an ftm male. I know about genderfluid and all those genders but do you think i could be questioning for REAL, or am i just overthinking things?
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I think it is a combination of puberty and your friend coming out to you. Generally speaking people who are transgender or gender fluid just do not wake up one morning feeling different. They generally speak of feeling this way from their earliest memory.
Puberty releases a number of hormones into our bodies. We become sexually aware and start to question our sexuality. All of this is quite normal. What is abnormal is to start sticking labels on ourselves. What this means is to relax and let your body take you where you are meant to be. Learn about your sexuality and experiment with your sexuality. This does not mean go out and have intercourse with a boy.
It does mean it is okay to set some rules as to how far you will let a boy go when making out and then stick to them. We have all done this as teenagers, including your parents. It is part of being a teenager. This is how we learn about what we like and don't like. Who we are sexually. It is even okay to have a sexual experience of sorts with someone of the same sex if you feel the need to do so. This would not make you a bisexual or a lesbian.
This is a lot about what teenage life is meant to be. It is part of learning how to be an adult and what type of adult life you want for yourself in all facets of your adult life.
You should be able to go to mom or dad with these questions as they simply are part of life. If for some reason you feel you can't then that is why we are here for. You can write us in general of anyone of us in private and we will give you the best answer we can to any question you pose to us. It is important that you include your name, sex and a good description of your problem when you write to us.
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First of all, only you can determine what your gender identity is, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
The self-discovery process can take time. Some transgender people knew from a young age (I did), but while that is the most well-known narrative, it is by no means universal. By the time your friend came out to you, he might have been thinking about the issue for years.
It is OK to be unsure, just as it is to take a break from thinking about it if you feel overwhelmed. There is no need to rush into making a decision. Take your time.
Perhaps a clearer sign of knowing whether you are transgender is to consider whether you are uncomfortable with the idea of yourself being female. Are you a boy in your dreams? When you imagine your future, do you see yourself as a man? These are some questions to consider. (It is OK to not have an answer too. These are just a starting point.)
It is possible to "like the illusion of being a boy" even if you don't identify as one. It may well be fun to be "mistaken" for a boy once in a while, but can you live with it for the rest of your life?
The length of your hair has nothing to do with your gender identity, nor does the way you dress for that matter. This Venn diagram comes to mind: [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
(I'm FTM, and I have long hair. Despite the long hair, I often passed as male even before taking testosterone.)
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