Brandi_S's advice column | Page 117

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Gender:

Female

Location:

Kansas

Occupation:

House wife, Mother, Local Loon

Age:

35

Member Since:

July 15, 2006

Answers:

3333

Last Update:

March 11, 2013

Visitors:

124909

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hitler_the_goat

about

I'm a mother of 2 boys who are 13 months apart. Talk about a handful. I'm a wife to the best husband I could have ever dreamed of.
I'm one of the very blessed.

I have Bipolar 1 Disorder. I hate taking all these medications and always going to doctors appointments, but life is too short to let mental illness get the better of me.

Often times life is a challenge, and nobody knows that better than me. I wake up wondering if this is going to be a day my illness overpowers my meds, and either sends me flying like a bat out of hell, or leaves me laying on the couch like a wet dish rag.

Thank all that is good in the world that I have an excellent support system at home.
I'm one of the lucky ones.

I'm honest, and that can either be a perk or s flaw. Depends on how you choose to look at it.
I like to see it as a perk, because it's better to hear the truth than to be told candy coated bullshit.

advice

ew. so at night like when I go and lye down in bed, my palms and bottoms of my feet get all sweaty and its weird. I'm not hot im actually kinda cold, but its just my palms and feet. What can I do to stop this? Its annoying even like typing on the computer right now sucks cause im all sweaty. *sigh*

I agree with Sabine that you may want to bring this up with your doctor. You should strongly consider her advice, since she has a medical background.
Though, since I see that you are 14, it wouldn't be menopause, but it maybe it's possible that it is due to hormonal changes faced during the puberty years?
Something to ask about if you go to the doctor, which is a good idea.

okay so today i got a comment on myspace from this guy i went out with awhile ago... he said he missed me and he thought i should know.. then i told him 'i miss you too, but idk why you would miss me' (which is sort of something i say to him when he says he misses me because idk i just do..) i also asked how he was... ANYWAY he says back to me "uh how about because you're probably the most amazing person I've ever met.. it still stands too. and I'm alive.. how are you" this made me think he likes me again... the thing is i have a bf. i really dont want to hurt anyone.. i care for this guy but i dont want him to like me! i don't want to hurt him..... do you think he likes me? what should i do?

What you should do is just be happy with your current boyfriend and feel flattered that he still likes you.

You can't make him not like you, unless you just want to treat him like crap to make him stop, but that is just a bad idea, especially if you want to avoid hurting him. That, and it is just the outright a**hole way of going about it.

Does he know you have a boyfriend? Tell him that you do, if he doesn't. It won't hurt him, because it is the truth. It is something that he will have to accept that he cannot change.
If he is a nice guy, then he will respect that fact and won't try to move in on a lady who is spoken for.

i feel so uncomfortable when i make out because my mouth gets veeerrrrryyyy dry, and my tongue feels really rough when this happens. like i have very little saliva in my mouth.

most of the time i do have saliva in my mouth, but its like really watery (not like kinda thick and almost mucus-y like, so it coats your tongue and makes it slippery. hopefully this makes sense)

i try to drink as much water as possible, but i think i still might be a little dehydrated. i am also on a swim team and my mouth is exposed to chlorine. i know that it can dry out skin, but what about your tongue? like my tongue always feels really rough after practice.

any ideas?

thanks

** EDIT: If you are concerned about sour candy making your breath stink, try something like Altoids. Not the flavored kind, but the mint flavors. They are powerfully strong, but they cause my mouth to water.
Also, you may try those Listerine pocket packs, or whatever they are called. You can keep them on hand to use as needed, and they should also cause your mouth to water.
Sorry I didn't think to suggest these before, but you made me think of it by mentioning breath. :)***

Try to chew something that causes your mouth to water. Like a sour candy, for example.

I cant except myself of whom i am, i reailzed i'm bi and i dont like it. the funny thing is i dont look at women sexual like i only compare myself with them. but i'm in love with my best friend and she knows. and she might like me back. but i dont want her to because i worry of what others think. but my sisters tell me that they except me of who i am. why cant I? did that ever happen to you? how did you finally except yourself?

** EDIT: Yes, I'm sorry. I meant that as an example. Sally is just a name I pulled out of my mental hat. :)**

I'm not bi, so I can't speak from experience on that part, but I will try to help you.
First off, part of accepting yourself and who you are is to stop worrying over what others think of you.
So you love your best friend, and the feeling is probably mutual. What's wrong with that? Nothing.

Yah, so there will be people who look down their nose about it. Guess what? There are just as many who will look down on you for not having what they think are top notch shoes on your feet. Meaning, there will always be people looking down on you for some reason or another.

You need to do what feels right for YOU in this life, and throw out the window what anyone else thinks about it.

If your only self-acceptance problem is that you are bi, then feel lucky. Many can't accept anything about themselves, and tend to lead sad, miserable lives because of that.

It's hard to stamp this into your way of thinking, but you need to just accept you, and like yourself for who you are without consideration of weather others are accepting you because of who you are, how you live life, or what your sexual preferences are. It's your life to lead. Why let the opinion of others dictate how you lead it if you're living in a manner that makes you truly happy?

If you worry that Sally down the road doesn't like you having a girlfriend, and you don't act on your wants because of that, how do you plan to lead a happy existence? You will be much happier to have a girlfriend and realize that if Sally doesn't like you anymore because of that, then she is shallow, and that is her own too bad.
At least you would be happy having a girlfriend, right?

So i'm the kind of girl when i was younger fell for older guys and everything they said..and i learned the hard way with those expierences. One of my boyfriends went to prison and so when we broke up it was really easy for me to get over that..because i never got to talk to him, see him, anything! so it was really simple for me. But when i was just a jr i started liking a sophmore, i took things nice and slow with him cause i had learned from past that would be probably be better. We got together a couple weeks after hanging out and dating. We had our ups and downs we weren't to serious at the beginning. As summer came we got really serious. We hung out every day we loved eachother so much, we did everything together went golfing bowling boating swimming typical things couples do when in love. and 8 months into our relationship we had sex. it was perfect. He didn't take my virginity but i took his. But i made sure it was what he wanted before we did anything. After that we were even more closer and even more in love..it seemed to perfect but it was reality so it was even better. we kept having sex for about 2 months then decided to stop cause he wanted to become clean so he could go on a mission..LDS thing. it lasted for a month. then we kept having sex after. everything was great. but then sex became everything to him not so much me. He was also very into smoking weed. It became an everyday thing to him he would ditch me for it..I cared that he did but I let him do it every once in awhile..but he lied about it a lot and then he broke up with me a month and a half ago. I was the one who had the harder time with it. he is fine..moved on likes another girl. but i can't get my mind off of him.. whY? why is it that i was his first love..but he can forget about me so easily? But i have the harder time..?

Sorry so long. but its hard to sum up a relationship of over a year!
--thanks:]

I wouldn't say that he forgot you so easily. He will never forget you, believe it or not. You were together for over a year, AND you took his virginity.

Guys may forget your birthday and they may forget your wedding anniversary, but it is slim to none chances that they will forget who they had sex with for the first time, their first love, or their first long term relationship.

Just because he likes, or is going out with, another girl, doesn't mean you aren't still on his mind, I promise. Actually, you can take comfort in the idea that you should feel sorry for this other girl, because she is likely a rebound girlfriend. Though I'm sure you already know what that means- a rebound is someone that he would be dating to try to get over you.

Guys don't show emotions in the same we ladies do. We are vocal and outward with ours, whereas they generally tend to hide theirs for "alpha male tough guy" reasons.
"What do you mean, Joe? Of course I was never sad and crying over Stacey! I'm a MAN, you know. We men folk don't cry over the ladies! I got over her so easily! My new girlfriend, Wanda, is my living proof..."
Yah. I had enough guy friends growing up to have heard THAT being said plenty of times before, but you know they were just trying to act tough and unaffected. Catch my drift?

I just hope you understand that just because he doesn't appear to be having a hard time with it, doesn't mean that he isn't.

As for you having a hard time getting over him: Have patience with yourself. You just broke up from a very long and serious relationship. It's going to take a while to get over it. They say that it can take half of the length of time you were together to fully get over it.

For example: if together 12 months, it MAY take up to 6 months to completely put it in your past. It's not an exact thing, and it's not always how long it takes, but it gives you an idea of how much time it takes to get over a heartbreak.

Just try your best to steer clear of him. The less you see him and/or speak to him, the better it is for you. It's hard at first, but it will get easier as time marches on. Like I said, you have to have patience with yourself.

In the mean time, try to fill your time with talking to, or hanging out with your friends and family, bringing him up as little as possible, to aide in keeping him off of your mind. You aren't going to stop thinking about him, but you can try to cut down the amount of time you DO spend thinking of him.

You'll move on, in due time.

And you thought your question was long... :)

my name is bre i amd 13. i reallly like this guy. he calls me hott and stufff. and always makes jokes like one time i was laying down and he said, " i am going to be on you in a few seconds" andd he wants to makeout out with me because he told me. and my friend. and me and my friend are going to a movie with him and hid friend saturday and i know something is bound to happen! i dont know how to makeout!!!!!! i am not scared at all i just dont know. i know a million people have asked this question. and i am sorry. Do your instincts really kick in? i sure hope.

love BRii

Ah. If only there were instruction manuals for such things... but their aren't.

It's not something anyone can just tell you how to do. You are 13, and I assume so is this guy. He is most likely as inexperienced as you are.

If you are going to kiss him, don't worry about how it is done, just do it. I promise you that there is no reason for you to be nervous about it.
There are no certain techniques. I would say that your "instincts" do kick in.

Hi,
So first let me give you some background information on my situation. In late November I started hanging out with this boy lets call him Steve. So Steve and I hit it off great, I mean he acted like he liked me so much. Everyday he would text me while I was at school ( I'm 16, he's 19) & then he'd call me right after he got off work and then he'd come pick me up and we'd hangout. Well this went on for awhile and then one day he asked me if i wanted to have sex..i said "no!" i wasnt offended i just wasnt ready for this..well about 3 weeks into our relationship i knew i wanted to have sex & so we did. we did twice and then over christmas i went on vacation. we barely talked the whole time i was gone and when i got back we hung out twice, haviing sex for the 3rd time. Well then one weekend I called him and he didn't answer..never called me back or anything. I didn't hear from him for 3 months.. During the time we'd hung out I liked him but I wasn't as crazy about him as I'd become until after he'd blown me off.. Well after 3 months I ran into him again.. and we started hanging out 3 weeks ago. He doesn't act as in to me, but we still hangout alot because we now have mutal friends. I'm so scared he's going to hurt me again.. I'm crazy about him. How do I get him to fall for me..?
p.s. his brother commited suicide a few years ago, so he has some hang ups about getting attached.. but i need him HELP!
-sorry this was so long...
--me.

Well, first off, the only way he will ever be able to date a girl without fear of attachment is to get over his hang-up. That is something only he can do for himself, in time.

His brother committing suicide is a very big deal and it will take him time to get over that. Not only does he have grieve, but he likely wonders if he is to blame in some way, or if he could have done something to stop it.

Even though it was a few years ago, I'm sure that it still weighs heavy on his mind. A person's closest relative, biologically and mentally, is their sibling(s), and losing one of them is a tremendous loss that sometimes takes years to get over, if they ever do.

I have cousins who lost a brother when they we were kids, and they aren't over it. And he died over 20 years ago.

Now, about the situation between you and him:
You can't make him fall for you.

Honestly? If you are scared to be hurt by him again, and chances are you probably will be, you shouldn't have a relationship with him outside of a friendship.

If he is a good guy, and you firmly believe that he stopped talking to you was due to his attachment issues brought on by his brothers untimely demise, then my advice is to be his friend, if it is comfortable for you to do so. I'm sure that he can use a good friend.

In the future, he will do better about coping with the attachments involved in a relationship. You never know, he may want to spark it back up with you.

Until then, his own fear of losing someone he loves will only cause the one who loves him to be hurt by losing him, as you have experienced already.
Not saying that you love him, because I don't know that, but I'm sure you get what I mean.

I know you are crazy about him and you want the feeling to be mutual, but it's just not something that is in your control.

I hope this gives you some sort of help with your situation, even if I'm telling you stuff you already knew.

P.S. No need to apologize that your question was so long. As you see, I give lengthy answers, too. :)

but i like her, and im good friends with both of them, but my otehr friend told me of a 6 month rule that you cant date a friend's gf when they break up... so i have no idea what to do? do i keep liking her? move on? o and i touched her butt today kinda random though. can someone tell me

Six month rule? Ok... sure... right...

Honestly? There is no rule that says you can't date her if you want. It wouldn't be very nice if they just broke up yesterday or something, but six months is a bit much, don't you think?

Yes, you respect your friend's heartache and all, but you also have to respect your own feelings and wants.

If you like her and the feeling is mutual, then go out with her. Yah, your friend may be a little hurt at first, but he will get over it. Because just as you respect his feelings, he needs to respect yours without attaching time limits on you.

how can i ask my dad if i can have a myspace?
(DO NOT tell me to sneak it behind his back!)

Tell him you have something to show him and bring it up on the computer. Ask him to check it out and research the site because you are interested in starting an account.

I have had this horrible headache for the past 5 days now. I have tried almost overy OTC pain reliever out there (like ibuprofren and aspirin) but it does not help at all.

I have a huge anxiety problem so I am always thinking I have some kind of brain cancer or I am going to die. Usually migraines last for a couple days but mine has been occuring for a week nonstop. It doesn't fade, nor is it off-and-on. Sometimes it gets worse, but other times it feels more mild. My school nurse told me to lay down and drink water but that did not help. I stayed off of caffeine and sugar but that didn't help either.

I am scared that something severe is wrong with me! I have a Doctor's appointment tomorrow but what can I do to not be so worried? What could my symptoms possibly be? And I am not asking for a diagnosis, obviously. I just need some thoughts.

Thanks

You say you have an anxiety problem, and it's possible that is what is causing the headaches. I know when I worry over things, I get bad headaches.
Be sure to bring up your anxiety problems to your doctor if they don't already know about it.

I'm moving next year and i was talking to my friend that i was worried that me and my friends wont talk that much anymore cause i'm moving to a different state. so my friend Terrie said "dont worrie we will keep in touch, we are best friends. and i make sure we will still be friends forever" that made me feel all warm inside.
Till yesterday i said the same thing to my friend Sally, i told her i feel bad and worried that we wont keep in touch, sally didnt say anything. She was quite and i was hoping for her to say something like terrie did to keep me not worring.
now i feel like sally will not keep in touched. we were friend for 7 years. why wouldnt she say anything?
is she mad that i will leave?

Like those before me said, she could feel sad and shocked about your move.
Realistically, when you move, you miss your friends but you also make new ones. As time goes on, you are in touch less and less until you realize you haven't spoke to your old friends in a long time.
She may be thinking that.
Just try to keep in touch as much as possible and try not to get so caught up in your new life so much that you forget your old friends.
Believe me, it's easy enough to get so busy you lose time.

ok so i understand my bff has been friends with this other girl since like 2nd grade or sumthing like that and the last couple of weeks they hang out ALOT unless my friend is with me like after school they r together and everything then the day they go back to school they are telling everybody wut they di and everything i know u shouldnt be jelous but is there a way i can be less jelous please help me

I agree with solidadvice4teens. A lot of good points made.
Instead of being left out and feeling jealous, try to join in with them when they do things together. Get to know her friend- she may be someone you end up really enjoy hanging out with.

what was the best book you have ever read when you were 13? or best book in general... that a 13 year old could read and comprehend? i feel like i've read all the good books. i've always loved reading since i was little.. im not like a geek/nerd or anything, some are just really good. uh.. my favorite kind of books are ones that are about kids like around my age.. doesnt matter the gender, going through life and etc, and... just like are good page turners. i dont care how long it is.. just not like 300 pages please! here are some of the books im already interested in and have read (uh.. i forget alot of others though lol)

- Shug by Jenny Han
- Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
- The Clique by Lisi Harrison
- How to be popular by Meg Cabot
- Avalon High by Meg Cabot
- Princess Diaries series by Meg Cabot
- Hoot (the novel)
- harry potter series
- a wrinkle in time
- any book by roald dahl
- junie b. jones - barbara park (haha i love these)
- any babysitter's club book
etc.

and please dont say like gossip girl, the it girl, a series of unfortunate events, and the chronicles of narnia.

THANKS!

PS: why do so many kids of today hate reading so much, anyway?

When I was your age, I began my great love of Stephen King. He has been my favorite ever since.
I began reading Pet Semetary in the 6th grade, and my homeroom teacher called and complained about it to my mom, if you can believe that!

But his books are generally WAY over 300 pages. "The Stand" and a few others have over 1000. But I prefer long books, myself. I'm generally disappointed when the story is over, just because it is over.

Reading is a wonderful thing. You have to be able to read to do anything. Some people can't read at all, and things are so much harder for them.

Why do kids hate to read today? It's much easier to watch TV, see the movie adaptation, surf the internet, text message, or talk on the phone. Or so I firmly believe.

Mindless entertainment seems the easy way out, but you miss out on some good stories that way.

And, there is nothing wrong with liking to read. Believe it or not, you learn a lot from reading a book. Proper english, good grammar, good spelling skills, etc.

ok i meet this guy through my friend and i'm really starting to like him but my friend told me that she doesn't want me to talk to him anymore b/c she's afraid he'll hurt me like he hurt her. i guess she really liked him and he just lead her on. but who's to say that he'll do the same thing to me? and i feel like i can't talk to her about it b/c when i ask her about it she just tells me noe to talk to him. i kinda think that she's jealous b/c he likes me alot and i like him alot. should i keep talking to him or respect my friend's wishes and not talk to him? plz help me! thx.

It sounds like she is giving you some good advice from her own experience.
What you should do is what you want to do, not what she wants you to do.
Yah, maybe the guy will be different for you than he was with her and you won't know that unless you give him a chance.
However, if he does you like he did her, well, who's mistakes are better learned from than our own?

Ok, so I'm a 16, almost 17/m, and i'M ABOUT 5'9. I hate it. All of my friends are at least 6'. I really want to grow taller if i want to have a better chance at playing football in college. Are there any ways i can make myself grow taller, as crazy as it sounds?

I'm not sure of when a guy stops growing, but you may have more time yet to get another growth spurt.
Other than that, you just have to accept that you are 5'9".
Ever saw the movie "Rudy"? He was a man who worked his tail off to become a member of Notre Dame football. Though he was small, he played with a lot of heart, and that matters more than size.
It is a true story based on a man named Daniel "Rudy" Rudiger.
So, don't let your size dictate your dreams.

I've been dating this guy for a month, and he's been really sweet - like he's just everything I'm looking for in a guy. Unfortunately, he's ALWAYS so busy with his fraternity, with college, & his job, that he never usually has time to see me. So, I only see him a like one/two days a week, and it's not that much because we live really close to each other. I've always been suspicious that he could have another girlfriend, and I've joked around, not thinking it could actually be the truth.

So, tonight we were on a date, and he was dropping me off at my house, and he was showing me a couple pictures of his cat on his phone and then all of a sudden he gets a call from someone called "Babe" with an area code of Austin, [we live in San Antonio.]

As soon as I saw it, I was like, OH BABE!? And he's like, "WHAT?" And I'm like, Ohh so you do have another girlfriend, and he's like, "ooh fuck this, you need to trust me."

Then finally when I got him to calm down he's like, "It's a guy, named Babe -- he's my friend."
& I'm like, oohhkay. I didn't believe it & I still don't. I called my best friend and she said he's probably playing me. Which makes me sorta sad.

Does it sound as if he's cheating, and if you think he is, how can I find out who this "BABE" person is?

Thank you. :]

Like the advisers before me said, you need to get to know his friends if you haven't. It could be a nickname.
And like your boyfriend says, you need to trust him unless he gives you proof that he can't be trusted.
A healthy relationship needs to have trust and honesty.
Don't jump the gun with him because of a worry. It may be a needless worry, and if it is, you are only going to hurt your relationship by your mistrust.
College, job, and fraternity DO take up a lot of time, so he may be just busy.

Hi all, this is yg. I consider this a question, I am also kind of looking for opinions. I am asking here instead of the mod forum because I'd like answers from those who are mods, and those who may not be yet. There is no right or wrong answer, so please, honest opinions only.

In the last month and a half this question, or a version of this question has come up and it bothers me. 'How can I hide that I have been on advicenators?' I assume it was meant from parents.

I would like to know if others have this problem.

Do you have to hide that you use the site?
If so why?

What do you think would make it acceptable to your parents?

Would you be embarrassed for your parents to see the site?

If so is it because of questions asked?
Questions you've asked? Or just the questions in general?

Answers given?
YOUR answers given, or just everyones answers?

Has anyone, besides myself, (who talked to both my kids about it), Talked to their parents about BECOMING an advicenator?

I think it is a great way to initiate conversation
about topics you may be embarrassed to discuss with a parent about yourself. I wonder if anyone has done that?

I think I have plagued you with enough questions for now. Thank you! :)yg

**EDIT** Since I have spoken with YG, I realize that I missed her point, but I will leave my vent, because I wanted to share anyhow.

LOG OUT. Then show your parents. See, they don't know your handle, most likely, so they will not be certain which you are.

Just keep in mind- your parents were teenagers, too, so you don't really have to hide from them as much as you think you do... *****

Ok, so this business of deleting histories and lying to parents to cover up for what is being done while surfing the web really, really bothers me. So I'm going to rattle my thoughts to kind of vent about it a little for all to see.

Personally? Our computer is in our living room, where we can see what goes on if someone were on it. My children will not be allowed to use it without parental supervision. Period.

If they try to hide something from me on the internet, well, bye-bye computer. I don't need it, and they sure as hell don't. It is a privilege, not a right. And if the privilege is abused, then it is lost.

Maybe I sound mean, but so sorry, I am a mother, and my own taught me well. :)

They will NEVER have one of their own in their room, unless of course, they buy it themselves. But even if they do buy a computer, there isn't now, and never will be, internet access upstairs.

So, see, my son and his future siblings will not have to worry about learning to delete the history to hide something from me. I guess I'm a cruel, cold hearted bitch, but I would rather that, than some sicko come hunt down my child, rape him, and leave him dead and floating in the local creek.

I don't trust filters and such to protect my child from internet predators they have no business talking to, and pornography they have no business seeing.

I am a paranoid person to begin with. I am more so now that I am a mother. I have enough worries of weather or not he will get run over on his way to school, and what the other children will teach him while he's there, without having to worry about what he may or may not be doing via the internet.

As for do my parents know I'm on this site- Why yes.
Am I embarrassed about it? Not at all. Most asking questions are teens, and I give them the same advice I would give my own teen. What reason do I have to be embarrassed about that?

Yes, I have tried to convince my husband of becoming an advicenator.

As for hiding the site from parents- I said as much as I needed to on that subject above, don't you think?
Would I have hidden it from my own parents as a teen? Hell no. I never hid anything from my parents, nor do I now. Never felt I needed to. It's called trust, ladies and gentlemen.

Why is there not a lot of guys in advicenators man we need to step up.

**EDIT: I wasn't yelling, sorry if that was your impression. Just making a point.**

Why does it matter?
We are here to give advice.

15/f
5'4"
109 lbs.

if i were to fast for a week, only liquids, no solid food, how much weight would i lose?

I don't know, but imagine the weight coming back three-fold when you start to eat food again.

Sorry. VERY BAD IDEA.

I just found a Cartier gold clock, shaped like a bear, in my room. According to my parents, I got it for my thrid birthday from a friend(eleven years ago.) I was wondering if anyone knew how much it was worth?

ps PLEASE don't tell me to google it.

Your best bet would be to go to the library and look it up in an antiques/collectibles book. They generally have pictures and details that you can compare to the one you have.

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