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Hi,
So first let me give you some background information on my situation. In late November I started hanging out with this boy lets call him Steve. So Steve and I hit it off great, I mean he acted like he liked me so much. Everyday he would text me while I was at school ( I'm 16, he's 19) & then he'd call me right after he got off work and then he'd come pick me up and we'd hangout. Well this went on for awhile and then one day he asked me if i wanted to have sex..i said "no!" i wasnt offended i just wasnt ready for this..well about 3 weeks into our relationship i knew i wanted to have sex & so we did. we did twice and then over christmas i went on vacation. we barely talked the whole time i was gone and when i got back we hung out twice, haviing sex for the 3rd time. Well then one weekend I called him and he didn't answer..never called me back or anything. I didn't hear from him for 3 months.. During the time we'd hung out I liked him but I wasn't as crazy about him as I'd become until after he'd blown me off.. Well after 3 months I ran into him again.. and we started hanging out 3 weeks ago. He doesn't act as in to me, but we still hangout alot because we now have mutal friends. I'm so scared he's going to hurt me again.. I'm crazy about him. How do I get him to fall for me..?
p.s. his brother commited suicide a few years ago, so he has some hang ups about getting attached.. but i need him HELP!
-sorry this was so long...
--me.
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This situation is quite cliche in the fact that you were really into him once he started to blow you off, apparently you're attracted to jerks. I knwo it is tmpting, every girl goes crazy over the guy that doesn't care, but it is a nasty habit. You need to get over him, and it may take some time you may have to avoid talking to him more than you have to but it is the only thing that is good for you at this point.
you were into this guy and you gave him your body, he used it a couple times then left. He didn't bother to explain anything to you and now acts like he doesn't like you, he is wrong 100% He is older than you, and he views sex and relationships differantly. The fact is he isn't good for you, and he will hurt you again. please be careful with your heart =]
i don't mean to be so blunt, but i am only trying to give you a raw, honest advice. i hoped i helped, good luck!
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Well, first off, the only way he will ever be able to date a girl without fear of attachment is to get over his hang-up. That is something only he can do for himself, in time.
His brother committing suicide is a very big deal and it will take him time to get over that. Not only does he have grieve, but he likely wonders if he is to blame in some way, or if he could have done something to stop it.
Even though it was a few years ago, I'm sure that it still weighs heavy on his mind. A person's closest relative, biologically and mentally, is their sibling(s), and losing one of them is a tremendous loss that sometimes takes years to get over, if they ever do.
I have cousins who lost a brother when they we were kids, and they aren't over it. And he died over 20 years ago.
Now, about the situation between you and him:
You can't make him fall for you.
Honestly? If you are scared to be hurt by him again, and chances are you probably will be, you shouldn't have a relationship with him outside of a friendship.
If he is a good guy, and you firmly believe that he stopped talking to you was due to his attachment issues brought on by his brothers untimely demise, then my advice is to be his friend, if it is comfortable for you to do so. I'm sure that he can use a good friend.
In the future, he will do better about coping with the attachments involved in a relationship. You never know, he may want to spark it back up with you.
Until then, his own fear of losing someone he loves will only cause the one who loves him to be hurt by losing him, as you have experienced already.
Not saying that you love him, because I don't know that, but I'm sure you get what I mean.
I know you are crazy about him and you want the feeling to be mutual, but it's just not something that is in your control.
I hope this gives you some sort of help with your situation, even if I'm telling you stuff you already knew.
P.S. No need to apologize that your question was so long. As you see, I give lengthy answers, too. :)
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Many times girls find that after they have sex, when they weren't ready especially, it wrecks the relationship with their partner. You lose the emotional aspect by taking the physical road and don't know where or how to move from there. And some people just spread apart. Or things just get boring, and everything seems done. People change, grow up, and grow apart. Sometimes friendships and relationships just don't fit anymore.
It doesn't matter how you two spread apart, but if you want to have a relationship with him, you kind of have to start over. Ask him if he wants to hang out, just to catch up. Be friendly, non-intimidating, and no pressure. See if you still hit it off with him. This will also give you the oppurtunity to find out more of whats going on in his life. Get more involved and spend more time together, leisurely at first, but try to grow closer. Try having some deep coversations. If you tell a little about yourself, he'll do the same.
Try really talking to him after you've become really comfortable with each other as people and as friends. Ask what happened with each other. Tell him how you feel. Cliche as it is, communication really is key. Open your heart, and hope he'll do the same. That's really all you can do, and hope for the best. If you were meant to be, things will pan out if your both willing to try.
Good luck,
-Abby
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If your question is "How do I get him to fall for me..?", I can't help you much. But from what I think, your problem isn't getting him to fall for you, it's you not being able to get over him.
First of all, are you sure you really like him or possibly love him? Or is it just teenage lust?
Second, I'm a guy. I know how most guys think. From what I can see, it looked like he used you. He had sex with you three times and then stopped talking to you. He's acted like a douchebag. Are you sure he didn't use you?
Now lets just assume he didn't use you, I understand since his brother commited suicide, he probably does have a huge fear of getting attatched because he wants to protect himself from getting hurt even more. That means he has his own emotional problems he needs to solve. If you really want to get him to fall for you, you might want to ask him how he's coping with his brothers suicide and help him overcome his problem with his fear of commitment(that's going to be really hard by the way)
Other than that, even if he is a wonderful guy and you are absolutely in love with him, as long as he is afraid of getting attached, you're going to have a hard time getting him to fall for you.
If you want to get over him, you need to stop letting him decide how you feel. For example, don't let the fact that he doesn't love you as you love him completely tear you apart. I know it sounds selfish, but I'd recommend focusing on yourself more than you focus on him.
However, if I were in your situation, i'd try to work things out with him a bit first, but if it doesn't work, i'd try to get over him before I fall for him even more and make myself hurt even more.
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