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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

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so my guy friend is engaged, he is 42, im 32 but I didn't know this until after I asked him out and nothing occurred so I backed off and did some research ..... I don't know what the reason for him lying to me was, he has known me forever and we can talk about anything and I told him that and then I said ud make a good guy best friend and then he says, that's all we are? looking confused, I said yes, that was your decision, not mine....remember when I asked u out and then he stared at me and said yeah don't let that get you down...I said im not and till this day, he still picks on my daily, teases me, if im out he'll walk alongside me etc..one day out of the sky blue he says you deserve better while I was eating, and I asked what do you mean? he then said I deserve better than the taco dinner I was eating....I don't think he was talking about the food, I think he meant himself....why cant men be honest and just say hey you are a cool chic but I have a g/f or a fiancée and lets just be friends, I mean that isn't hurting anyone's feelings, that's just being honest....why cant men just be open and real for once.

Good question. But I can't address that question anymore than you could answer all men asking "Why can't women be more grounded, logical and less emotional?" If someone said that phrase to Me as a woman, I'd be quick to point out that this is just a generalization and not all women are that way but we are quite different from males in how we think, how we reason, in making conclusions, and therefore in how we also act. Ever stop to wonder if somehow males are being read wrong, misinterpreted some of the times? This would mean there exists differing reasons for what one might see as being secretive, avoiding, non-forthcoming or not telling the truth.

Not everything in life is so black and white. Luckily there are authors and psychologists who have studied and can explain the differences between men and women. I have read a book by a Canadian author and psychologist who does just that in her book titled, "What Men Say, What Women Hear." The authors name is Linda Papadopoulos. It can't hurt to check it out of your local library if they carry it as mine did, or just pick it up at a local bookstore or have them order it for you.

Linda says: "We need to acknowledge that to a large extent, the way we interpret what is being said is based on the pre-existing beliefs we hold about ourselves and the world around us, not always based on the others intent.
It is impossible to tell somebody what they want to hear, when you can't understand what they're saying in the first place." She also addresses Common Thinking Errors. The type of thoughts we have, will influence what we say or do, same for guys. So maybe it would be helpful to know how they think and what they think to at least know if this is the difference of how a male communicates or whether in some cases, he truly is not being forthright and truthful.

As far as you not knowing before asking him out that he was engaged, that is not lying unless you asked him straight to the point, "Are you single or seeing someone or engaged and he answered No. Then that would be a lie. For people to choose for whatever reasons not to share all details of their personal life so readily is not lying. It is either purposely or unknowingly holding back helpful information to another.

As far as this guys choice of words, In saying "You deserve better", I am with you, my womens' intuition plus experience in this world has me thinking he's not referring to the food. If it were about the food, and he wished you could eat like 5 star restaurant meals for the rest of your life, he'd have said something more like my husband sometimes says, "I wish I were a richer man so I could spoil you with more dinners out and everything else you desire and want.

Let me digress here for a moment as to what makes a great relationship. It takes two very important things to make up the foundation of the best relationships and one is being the best of friends and the other is the best of lovers or in other words, sexually compatible and having chemistry. However a great amount of couples have only the friendship or only the sex and have to go looking outsid the relationship for the rest when it would be better to realize one is with the wrong person and go looking for the person with whom you can have both. That is hard when there are feelings for the other and not wanting to hurt them.
I shared that to set up this long shot. I may be very wrong but my suspicion has been raised. I've answered you before when your question about what he said was presented differently. This time in this context, I am picking up on another possibility. He seems to agree he wants you as a friend, perhaps that is what is missing with the fiancee? Maybe they have a great sexual relationship but are not close at all otherwise, not treating each other as best friends would. So there may be a lack of the emotional support as one would get from a best friend. So he tries to get that from you without your being in the loop on whats going on. He may be very aware of what he is doing and that he doesn;t have all he wants from one woman only half. Then again, he may feel in love with both of you cus his statement of You deserve better could mean you deserve better me. But he may have slipped up temporarily when his emotions got away from him and so he spoke what he was feeling. He may feel guilty about keeping you in the dark, but not want to lose you as a friend, he just may not feel enough desire for it to work as a relationship and have the good sexual half of the equation. When a person doesn't know enough about something, the best we can do is ask and learn. However, males tend to not wish to ask, trying stubbornly to figure out and come up with a solution all on their own. My husband still does that. He was searching for his car keys the other day and must have spent 45 minutes looking everywhere in the room. However when I asked what he was looking for and if I could help he did not answer me. Finally after wearing himself out with me watching him as I tried reading my book, he asked and I pointed out their location. I knew where he'd left them. I'd seen them as I was cleaning and left them there assuming he'd remember they were there too. This may be a simple example but it gets more complicated from here. Guys want to be able to do it on their own! I simply told him, next time, remember how much time you wasted searching and at least let me know in the beginning what you are looking for when I ask you over and over. I may not know but in some cases, you sure could find things faster if you shared it with me.
I don't let that bother me as in my case, he does share about the big things that are on his mind, its just the small stuff he still tries to do on his own.

If as you said, you can talk about everything and anything as friends, then sometime when its fairly private and you both can talk without others overhearing, maybe like outside, you could start with saying you are still mulling over this convo and what he said and you can't just let it slide because until you know otherwise with more information presented, something doesn't add up to you. Then go over it with him. If he is truly your best friend, then he should be able to let you know he loves you more like a friend a sister, not a mate. But if he feels in love with both of you, then either he needs to hear about finding one woman with whom he has both important parts of the foundation to the relationship or if he is one of very few people who have the capability of being polyamoristic, but may or may not know it, that needs to come out or he will be troubled at times during his life with relationships if that doesn't come out as he would need to learn all the do's and don't of such a relationship status. I won't go into it but I know people who are poly, polyamory meaning having the ability to love more than one at once and not an excuse for sex with anyone you want but actual real full on loving relationships like ones marriage, with others. I recall poly people finding new partners usually through poly groups but many would lament about being into someone they know who isn't poly but too afraid to b ring up the subject for fear of misunderstanding and the other being totally against it, being monogamous instead in nature. This indeed could make a person come across as kinda flaky. As I said, these are really long shots in my thinking and I could probably dream up all sorts of other fantastical scenerios to explain this away, but you know that he is the only one who can. Let your womans intuition continue to guide you. If you feel the need to know the truth to know there won't be an angry fiancee coming after you then ask, otherwise you don't need to do anything. But if you're like me, you have some of the Private investigator or forensic analyst in you where if something doesn't seem quite right or really puzzling, I will dig and dig to find if there is any rotten apples at the bottom of the barrrel or end up being content to know there was nothing wrong to begin with. I don't just accept things at face value tho many may not think I do that. If you are like this, you will need to ask some very pointed questions, not asking general ones of him that he can answer yes or no but specific questions...if he says he's willing to answer and hold nothing back. Good luck.

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I just started marching band and I noticed that my piccolo is acting strangely. On the first day it played fine, but on the second day, I found that I had to press on harder to let it play. My teacher said it was fine, because the keys are supposed to swell after temperature change and in the fall it will be cooler. I accepted that, but while playing it made me realize that it will seriously mess up my playing. If I have to play super fast or have to trill, there is no way I can keep the keys down with extra force! Please give me some tips and advice I really need it.

My daughter played flute. I remember finding a music shop we liked who also did repair. I suggest that if you have to press harder to get correct sound, to go to a music shop that does repair and get a 2nd opinion. Better to be safe than sorry. It might be due to temperature but in all the years my daughter played, we were never told the problems were due to temps. The pads can get old and need to be replaced. ANd the best person to do so is one who does this for a living. Your teacher only teaches how to play and may not be as familiar with all the instruments. Or you can just ask your teacher again to show you how to play despite this issue. But if its worn out parts, no matter how differently you go about playing it, it will not work well.

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Okay, so after watching the fundamentals of caring, (a movie about a boy with muscular dystrophy who is wheelchair bound, and a caregiver to watch over him who also takes him to the world's lamest attractions around different states) I was genuinely curious if a caregiver would work with me as well. I, thankfully, am not wheelchair bound, but I do suffer from hypermobility syndrome, also known as Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (type 3).

I deal with daily dislocations, and I was wondering if I could potentially hire someone to help me out on days that are particularly not easy on my 16 y/o body.

(No, I am not asking for someone to take me across the country)

Does anyone know if this could be possible?

Adviceman gave you good advice. I used to be a caregiver thru an agency. Some people used to get their caregiving help thru government paid programs and others are private pay. As of the past couple years with the economy and cutbacks, the government isn't paying for much any more. People who got full time help were being limited to one day or only a couple hours per week. And thus I had to leave that vocation as I wasn't getting the hours to survive on financially, when being sent to dozens of jobs per week on a regular basis and not paid for the time traveling between them.
Since you are 16, your parents are indeed still legally responsible for you but together with them, now would be the time to start looking at your options, even if you were to continue to live with them. To free them up occasionally, a caregiver would be a great help.

So talking to your Dr. is a good way to start, but you might also want to check with your local DSHS, Dept. of Social and Health Services to get an appointment with a social worker who may have a better grasp on what the government can help with and how you might qualify...your Dr. likely may not know. Those who qualify and have a social worker who is working with them will have regular scheduled visits with their social worker when their caregiver is present to ask a series of questions about how things are going. Its an evaluation to see if things are about the same, better or worse and you require more hours of care.
Having a sister who badly needs a full time caregiver but the state won't pay unless its to pay a family member willing to invest the time and training to get paid monthly to take care of you, and no one in her family has the time between their jobs. SHe used to get some gov. paid help with chores but that got canceled. So with the budget cuts, its best to check it out now so you'd know if you would need to hire privately and exactly what type of caregiver you want, like just the type to handle daily chores for you, or help with bathing, etc. or if you'd need someone with nursing experience who is qualified to help with the more complicated situations such as a paraplegic or quadraplegic which take lots more training in case their client is having a particular medical problem or emergency.

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hello there
i live in Egypt i'm 17 but there is something makes me angry my girlfriend let me and go i was so sad but when i want to start anew love i didn't find so can i find here i suffer :( please answer me

You are only just starting in the realm of dating and relationships with a girl. Nothing is over yet. Its really only starting. Dating is nothing more than the way to get to a relationship. But then we need to decide for what reason we are in a relationship and there will usually be many before we end up with the person who truly loves us back and we can end up spending the rest of our lives with. So all I can say is here are the best things you can do right now:

1. Look closely at yourself especially for weakness and things you need to work on to get better at. So if you tend to have a temper and get angry easily, you might want to think about why, is it worth it?, how to relax and feel more at peace and reading books on these subjects can help alot if you are serious about becoming a better person today than you were yesterday.
Itss not about a giant big change in you all of a sudden which is hard goal to get to, but making the changes on a daily basis until its a new habit and new part of you.

2. Want do you want a girlfriend for right now? You need to be clear on this before you can start dating but most people just react to someone who looks go and just launch themselves into dating because of the persons looks only, not what their personality is like. At your age, you are probably not looking for a wife and a mother of your future children. More likely that you just want to enjoy with company of a female socially to go out with, but without any real commitment for the future. What you need to know here is that many females think and feel very much differently than males and sometimes you may find they are expecting the impossible from their guy, or expecting a guy to actually be hetero-sexual but act more like a gay guy into the things that females usually are into. And if you have sex with a female, they can mistake that for being in love rather than just being sex for sex sake. When in love, its called making love but theres trouble when one of a couple feels they are in love, even if its the guy and the other does not.
So decide first what you are looking for. THen be clear with a girl when you meet her that right now you are dating for just the experience of getting to understand females better while also giving the attention and enjoying the attention given to you. Love is one of the areas where we just can't protect ourselves from future heart ache and that brings me to....

3. Don't wall off your heart by not trying ever again to meet someone because of fear of getting hurt. Even long married couples still can irritate or hurt their partner even though it wasn't their intention. And if the two really love each other, they will forgive and move on. But the process of learning how to find the right person for you is loaded with lots of hurts and heart aches along the way. You have to endure the hurt and keep yourself open to meeting someone because if you'd rather protect yourself from ever hurting like this again, you'll never enter another relationship, always finding some way to stop yourself.

4. If you just need ideas on how to find someone, start thinking about what you like to do, your hobbies and then join clubs where others with the same hobbies meet. Can't guarantee the members will all be your age range, but go with it, get used to meeting groups of people. Some of the older members may have a daughter your age.

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This is more of a rant than a question, basically I've had the worst summer ever I didn't do anything at all except stay home and do the same things every single damn day. I ended up getting cabin fever because even when I did go out it was always with family and we would always go to the same place (the freaking mall that's by my house, which we go to whether it's summer time or not) ever since high school ended I've learned who my real friends really were, none of the friends that I talked to throughout high school ever tried to reach out to me this summer, it was always me texting them first to the point where if I don't text them I won't hear from them at all. One friend calls me constantly every single day to talk about her freaking boy problems like I give a rats ass about it anymore (I don't care cause she never cares about how I'm feeling it's always about her). Another friend of mine purposely ignores my texts and pretends like she's never received them but then acts buddy buddy when she sees me in person, another friend only texts me this whole summer when she needed something. So summer is done in a week and a half from now and I can't believe I'm saying that I can't wait for school to begin, cause at least I'll be out of the house and I'll actually have people to socialize with, sorry for this extremely long rant thank you if you have read all of this please feel free to give feedback btw I'm a 17 year old female going to university (don't say why don't you get a job because this whole summer I went job hunting did interviews and still didnt get freaking hired)

I can't think of any feedback that will make you feel better right now and of course there is no way to go back and re-do your summer differently.
Since you stated you can't wait for school to start, I tried relating that to myself.
I had some summers that got boring for me too and looked forward to school. Thinking back, I realize that at least for myself part of the issue was a lack of routine or structure to my days and that can weigh heavily on a person. The father in a family that gets laid off and no longer has his routine with a job can go thru the same thing as you, or the couple who retired after having their daily routines with a job find that after they've accomplished the few goals they had with all their free time, they get bored, restless and feel a need for a new meaning or direction in life.
I can't address friends not wanting to keep in touch because I just don't know their particular personalities or character or even what their summer looked like schedule wise but yes it sucks if not a single person Wanted to contact you and it had to be you making first contact.

You just may be somewhat like me, needing a good balance between free time and structured time. When you find yourself ever again in a period of time where nothing really is planned, or planned for you by family, etc... it might be a good idea to start preparing ahead for those times you know may be depressing...like winter/holiday vacation and spring or summer breaks. Depending on what you plan to study, perhaps if you don't find a job, try finding a company/business with jobs in it that pertain to your degree you are going for, and go to them volunteering some of your time, a couple hours daily doing whatever chores they have for you during these breaks. Its a good way to have something to put on a resume in the future after graduating to be able to show what jobs you did volunteered work in that pertains to the degree.
Yeah, I know...thats not fun entertaining stuff. I don't know you but there must be some hobbies. You can always join clubs to meet others with the same hobbies and actually have some fun things to look forward to. I'll use a daughter of mine as an example. The family did do camping and some hikes growing up but not enough for her liking. She really liked hiking so when she turned 17/18, she chose to join a hiking club where members who wish to have another hiker or two in their party for safety sake would call on other members to join them. My daugther didn't drive but members who did were picking her up every weekend if not every other weekend and she was having fun. None of her family, just her and the other hiking club members. You might want to think of doing something like that, if not hiking, maybe learn special dancing by taking a short term class in your breaks/summer for dancing to learn salsa or swing dance or yoga or something thru your local college that offers classes like that to general public or often the public pools have classrooms and schedules for that sort of thing. I know cus I've taken classes there. I hope this helps a little so that you don't need to have a repeat of this last summer.
And I hope you make some wonderful new friends in college this fall. Good luck dear!

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So I have this weird obsession with the number 5. It started out as just a maths thing really like 5-10-15-20 type thing, then I started to notice the number 5 in songs. I would count the syllables until they get to 5 and if they did I feel this rush of relief. If it didn't I would find a way to make the syllables make up 5. Now it's gotten worse to the point when I hear people talking e.g in person or on tv I feel I need to put their words into 5 syllables. Even myself sometimes I won't say anything because I want to make sure it all fits into 5 syllables. I don't know if I'm making any sense and if I'm not please tell me. It's very hard to explain. I just wanted to know if this was some sort of OCD? I'm 18 and v v v confused!

No one who isn't trained can tell for sure. Some may have something similar. I am not a professional and have never personally dealt with such things in my life. But the internet has a lot to share so I went checking for any blogs on this and found this one I will post the link for, done by a Ph D.

http://www.wsps.info/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=89%3Ayour-number-is-up-qmagicalq-numbers-and-ocd&catid=0%3A&Itemid=64

It may not answer all questions, and most likely will not cure you but there was mention of something Drs. do to help a person get past the part of obsession with something that starts to alter or mess with your quality of life. There is such a thing as numberology. Some believe in it and some don't. But I have never heard of numerology to limit or change a persons daily behavior like this so its not a numerology related thing.

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I noticed that you seemed to misunderstood exactly what happened. Him and i took promises very seriously. He broke several at once, and he asked a girl to do sexual things together..(my friend who flirted with him on Kik to test him). He broke several promises. For example he told me he would only say something like "I have a girlfriend, I rather talk in a friendly way only" if a girl did this or ignore her all together. He also promised that he would tell me if a girl did this. Also, On the fake account I made, he said "awwww thank you :)" and "awww you think so?" When she called him cute and stuff. Then said "you are too". He promised when we were together that he'd never say such things. Yet he encouraged it. He also in the past told me he doesn't find others cute or pretty or hot, etc. And his excuse was that he didn't know why he did all this. That's an awful excuse. And About the chat with my friend , his excuse was that he wanted to make sure she wasn't fake based on his response. Bullshit. He asked her to do sexual things (sexting or Skype sex). It's simple and clear. And since he broke all his promises on the chat with the fake account I maxd, there is no reason to believe him. Do you see what I mean now? He broke my trust. And broke all his promises. Who knows what else he's done behind my back. Maybe he had Skype sex many times with others.

With the extra of what he's been saying, then yes, I would have to say he is not being honest. Either that, or he's one of those humans who coast thru life without having any real goals, plans or hopes and therefore lives every day just having one knee jerk reaction next to the other based on what comes his way, without his mind in gear, engaged and really thinking things out. To be fair, all people do this at some point or another, but it's more of a getting off track from what you are actively pursuing in life, just having a bad day or a couple bad hours but not living ones life like this.
I hav e a belief that I live by now that I have learned things the hard way in life....and it has to do with other peoples characters. Lots of younger people, especially the males, do not know how to behave correctly in relationships and need a female who will train them as to whats acceptable and what is not. The males who never have their bad behaviour questioned and then ultimatums set down, will never learn. You questioned. Here's How I have done the ultimatum thing. When I was on a dating site and having lots of 1st time meetups with guys, I told them up front what I was looking for in a guy, my ground rules and boundaries. It was more of like people applying for a job position, rather than me having to be just the right person to catch some random guys interest. I made sure the ball was in my court, as far as control of the situation rather than wait for the perfect guy to notice me. I actually met several who seemed to come close and I was willing to at least date for a while to get to know better. I too caught liars, but right off the bat. One told me he didn't like coffee shops, my favorite public first time meeting place to see a guy face to face. So i suggested something else but he was busy. After a week, he messaged he had time to meet and suggested a coffee shop. I instantly thought there must be a mistake somewhere, either in what I thought I read earlier or what he meant to write this time but got it wrong. So I got on chat live and asked him which it was, did he want to meet at a coffee shop cus last time he said he didn't like those places. He wrote back angry saying he has a right to change his mind which I agreed was true but he'd actually used stronger words like
hating such places. A person doesn't flip flop back and forth within days as to what they like or don't like. So I told him right then, sorry but forget it, I am no longer interested. See, I learned with my ex husband and plenty other people that where you see something you don't like behavior wise from a person..girl or guy, that first glimpse is usually not an accident or just a situation of that person needing to learn some lesser important issues of what you like and don't want. The first glimpse of a bad trait that sneaks through a crack in that polished nice persona they show is just a signal that there is more of that where that came from. So that means a person doesn't lie just once or occasionally in life or without the truth or facts which is just as bad, but a person either has a habit of lying or not. I blocked that guy. He changed his profile to a different name and wrote me again the following week pretending to be a new person contacting me but the idiot stuck the same photo of himself in there so I knew it was him and without talking to him, blocked that one too. When ever we use the internet to find and meet someone, this is the more difficult route to getting to know a person thouroughly inside and out. However, the internet is the best tool I know of to come to know of the existance of a good possibility in a mate, cutting the longer version of hunting for a needle in a haystack deal. Therefore, if you choose to continue to use the internet, it may be best to use it more as a tool to learn of some special guys existance and then asap meet in person and continue to do so. Texting that is so popular today, even writing in text on line is a far cry from talking in person where we gain other versions of communication besides just speech, but tone of voice to know when someone is serious or teasing, facial expressions and body language. These can't hide whether a person is truly interested for one thing cus humans will use the right body language even if most of us are unaware we do, its a built in instinct. I wish you the best for the future.
I don't have a cure for the hurt. But it will fade in time. In the meanwhile, study anything you can to learn more about how to gauge a persons character, dating and relationship training info. The more I learn and I still study it even tho I have my sweetheart, I find all these bits and pieces of info actually help in dealing with people in other types of relationships as well. When you feel better armed with info, then eventually when your heart is healed you'll be ready to try again but without the fear of the what if things go sideways. That kind of thing will always happen even to the smarter of us, and has to me too...I've been fooled...but the point is that no one has been able to fool me for long and I don't think they can do that to you either. It takes a lot of personal energy to keep up a false persona and those doing this eventually run out of the time and energy to do so. It lasts usually a few days, dates, weeks up to a couple of months if the two spend a good amount of time together. Two months of knowing a person but meeting only once a week is not going to compare to 2 months of seeing someone 3 times a week plus time on the phone as well. You get to know the person better sooner. But this is really for in person face to face.
Lots of the social apps on the net are too easy to use for someone who isn't all that serious of finding his one and only. I never used kik, twitter, tinder, faebook or any others to meet guys, just dating sites. I would have used a pay for dating site if I had the money but didnt at the time so used the free ones. Anything free where a guy doesnt have to invest anything to find a girl has to be considered as not 100% chanced that you can find a real good guy there who is ready to find his mate for life and have kids with her if both so wish. So a pay for site means the guy is more serious cus he is investing money into his search. From what I have learned since, Match.com is the best for a reason, it is very thorough in the questions it asks of people and then uses an extensive system to attempt to match you up with the most likely individuals that are exactly what both of you are looking for. These are the kinds of men wanting to find a gal to marry, to find their one true love and companion. If you want a better chance at finding the next guy, I'd suggest to start there. If you'd rather find someone on your own, at least decide which of your hobbies are most important to you and join clubs in your area to meet others with the same likes, hobbies, beliefs, etc. this is more of like the hunting for the needle thing again as there is no guarantee that there will be any eligible men coming to that club. Then there is meetup.com not a dating site but activity site where you can learn online what groups are meeting in your area. I hope this helps some.Good luck in the future dear.

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I am 24 and work with a hot, hot, hot 41 year old woman. We started a friend with bennies relationship about 5 months ago. We have sex once a week to every other week. She was 2 kids that are in high school. Went we have sex it's mostly at her apartment when her kids are at work or staying the night at their friends house. We have mostly use condoms but their has been one or two times that she says its the safe time of the months and if I can pull out we don't have to use them. A few encounters ago we did not have any condoms so she said to me " that's ok, we can go with out them". I asked he if it was a safe time and she replied " no". I asked her if we would be safe still if I pulled out. She said that I did not have to pull out if I didn't want to. I asked her "what if you get knocked up" She replied " I will have a baby". I was kinda set back but I got turned on right away. The thought of me getting her pregnant was very erotic to me. I asked he if she wanted me to get her pregnant and she said " kinda, but it's not up to me baby. It's up to the man. I was ok with you knocking me up the first time we made love". So we have now had sex five times without birthcontrol and I do not know if I have gotten her pregnant but the more I think about it, I am starting to get cool feet about her having my baby

I have no problem with the age difference or even if both of you are clear of any STD's by proof of testing for that and not using condoms.....but that would be as long as she has taken precautions to not get pregnant again at her age. Either she could get tubes tied or get on the pill, the shot, the patch or some other form of pretty trust worthy birth control. You did say she is a FWB, not your wife or being in a committed long term relationship and friends with benefits doesn't fit in there.
The only commitment there is to being sex partners for the time being. Hey even I as an older woman had a short time FWB with a much younger guy for two months but I was on the pill and was before I met my 2nd husband. She may be older than you but certainly isn't acting wiser. It just occured to me that depending on how old those teens are, she was probably around your age when she started having kids. Do you even know the circumstances of how those pregnancies came into being? Was she married or do both have random fathers from whomever was her sex partner at the time? I don't think she is acting much like a responsible adult.
Just because someone older than you tells you something is going to be okay, do you tend to always just believe what you are fed or told or do you take time to set aside your emotions and feelings and just dig in and investigate things a bit first. I can't imagine a Mom with teens wanting a baby again, but if she does, it shouldn't be by trapping a young man by an 'accident'. The pull out method is the least likely to protect against pregnancy because there is sperm already present in just the pre cum on the tip of penis meant to help lubricate but enough sperm to get a female pregnant. Just because she's past 40 and may have less viable eggs doesnt mean she can't get pregnant. There is an explosion of older couples in their forties in my area walking around strolling a baby in a carriage and the females are way into their forties if not close to 50. I don't get the need to have babies at that age, maybe a career came first.

As for feeling turned on initially...heck yeah, every male who dreams about impregnating a female gets turned on, as long as he's dreaming about a woman he finds sexually desireable. But lots of what men and women fantasize about sexually that turns them on isn't always feasible or even legal in real life and often if the chance to act upon these so called erotic thoughts, comes up, you find that reality...real life situations, responsiblities, legal implications, or even harm to oneself or the other makes it not a good idea after all. Keep your dreams of impregnating an older female inside your mind/head, not the head on your penis and is anything, have a talk with her about seriously getting on pill or getting her tubes tied. YOu may still want to have kids someday and find a wife so a vasectomy isn't a good idea for you. But it would be for her if she wants a sex partner but is being responsible about not becoming pregnant. It doesnt matter what she says, if all she wanted was a sperm donor the cheap way with out the costs of going to a clinic. As as been stated, the law is otherwise, you would be responsible financially for this child for the next couple decades and there is no way of getting out of that no matter what she says right now.
Besides, condoms are protection but not the best, they can tear, slip out of place and I've seen both happen to me however I was on the pill so I couldn't get pregnant. The condoms were for the original use highly taught in media, to use for protection against STD's and even then, it isn't fool proof either. If you want a FWB, my opinion is you must have a very thourogh talk about anything and everything sexual, all the what ifs, protection, and what if something goes wrong.

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This is long, and can't be fully understood until read to the end. But I desperately need help. I would appreciate it so much.

I am torn , confused, and shattered. I can't function.
To start.. I broke up with my boyfriend recently. He is from Germany and I am from America. We met on Omegle about a year ago. We were friends for several months before we fell in love, and we very close until we became best friends. We also have skyped numerous times.

He used to seem perfect, and like the perfect match for me. And he seemed soooo similar to me in ways that are hard to find. And this was extremely rare as I am way different than most people. He overflowed me with love and was always there for me. He always called me perfect and precious, and said the sweetest most loving things I've ever heard... You have no idea. I could go on for a LONG time about it. But trust me, it was unlike anything I've ever heard from a guy. Also, he read my messages so quickly, and talked to me all day till he fell asleep, except in the beginning sometimes he took a bit longer between replies. Anyway, also he told me he didn't find other girls hot, pretty, cute or anything. Also, that he didn't ever have sexual thoughts for other girls or get turned on by them, etc. And honestly , if I had a partner who did I'd feel terrible. I wish I didn't feel that way. I am afraid I won't ever find someone like that. Although ... He may have been lying and you will see why later. Even so I would feel awful otherwise. As a reminder again we were long distance and hadnt met yet (there a reason , due to external circumstances)

Also - He's in high school still at 20 because he did an apprenticeship for 3 years - which he hated so he went back to finish high school. He said his class is mostly girls. So he has two friends , I'll call them E and M. He went to E's and M was there too. But it was late into the night , 2 or 3 am. He stopped when I said it made me feel uncomfortable.
So anyway, everything seemed great for a while. He even did things like buying the same phone as me because he liked everything that had anything to do with me.. and saving money to move to USA as soon as he can. He was willing to move here for me. And we would Skype for hours , and we... Did things on Skype too. 'Skype sex' if you will.. he waited a long time until we could (I often wasn't able to until later, and we have a large time difference) and he was willing to wait till when it was 6 am there in Germany to do it with me if necessary. Also, he was so loving about it and just I can't put it into words. He saw sexual things between us as an expression of love between us and something he felt for no one else now. I often had gotten emotional when we did it and I cannot describe it... And he loved me like no one else ever had. There is much more and I could go on for hours trust me, he seemed perfect. Perfect for me. The perfect partner that I ever wanted


(((by the way, the thing when he went to a girls house (there were 2 girls there he said, these two friends that I've always known about) and was there late into the night (3am) it made me feel weird even though he stopped when I said it makes me uncomfortable. And after my past relationship I had the fear that I might have no other way of finding out if he's as loyal as I thought, after what happened last time. I told a friend, she is an online friends. Keep reading)

I usually talk to him on Kik, a messaging app where you can have your own display name and picture (unlike SMS for example). my friend messaged him on Kik and started flirting with him (she told me why and that she was going to do it). She wanted to make sure he really is loyal. She did it on Wednesday. She told me she did it but when I asked for the response she said it was on her other phone , and that she'll check it later. I let it slide for 3 days.. with more excuses from her. so I got scared. I made a fake account later, with a different name and picture. when I told my friend about his responses and showed her, she also showed me the ones he said to her. I was crushed.

Before I write how the conversation went on Kik with him and my friend and how the Kik conversation with the account I made (the picture and name wasn't me) went - Its vital to first say - When we were still together, he promised me that he would tell me if a girl flirted with him. He also told me he would not encourage it and that he'd ignore her. He told me he would never say something like awwww to another girl as a response unless it was something such as a sister or child etc. And him and I considered it cheating in our relationship to call another of the opposite gender cute or hot etc to their faces and promised to absolutely never. Plus he claimed he didn't even didn't even find othevgirls cute or hot, etc. anymore. But now, I wonder if that's even possible. But as I was saying, keep in mind that we took promises very seriously. It's not about the actions, it's about the set boundaries being crossed. And he crossed several.

Here is how the text conversation went between my friend and him. Also, the things in [[[ ]]] refer to comments im making about it and it isn't actually in the conversation. Also , what I say in between texts is just saying that a certain amount of time passed and it wasn't one of the texts exchanged. so here is how it went between him and my friend.

Her: hey cutie, we met on Omegle a long time ago, wanna chat?
[[[Him and I met on Omegle. He went on there back when he was lonely going back to school after the apprenticeship. We were friends for many months before we fell in love and he met a few other people on there too]]]
Him: we did?
Her: yes we did
Him: oh okay. Why did you decide to text me? :)
Her: you're really hot!!
Him: I am? Thank you.
A few hours later ..she hadn't read it or replied yet
Him: so you want to do things? Haha
[[[Him and I used doing things as a phrase meaning doing sexual things, usually over Skype and sometimes we would both be self-pleasuring while typing long messages... I won't go into detail but again its something uncommon it seems. It was so full of love and connection. Anyway, he also thought the phrase doing things is commonly known to mean to do something sexual in English ]]]
Some hours later again..
Him: are you there?
-


Now here is what happened in the text conversation on account I made with a different name and picture. First,, while texting with me (on my real account),he wanted to find something to eat. He left to get something then came back Shortly after is when I texted him on the fake one. He the told me he couldn't find anything he likes then he said " i guess I'll make a sandwich 😒 brb". then he went to go chat with the fake account... Um, that's not making a sandwich. When I confronted him on that later, he told me he was going to but wanted to see who the hell was texting him. But I didn't believe him because of everything else that happened in the Kik chat with this girl (that I was actually behind).
Anywho, this is how it went.

The girl[[[it was me but pretending to be a real girl ]]]: Hi
Him: hey
The girl: how are you?
Him: I'm great, thanks . How about you?
The girl: Great ;) I like your pic
Him: awwww thank you :) I like your pic too.
Her: no problem ;) you're really cute
Him: awww you think so?
Him again: so are you


Then I confronted him...


I told him the account I made wasn't real and I told him the truth about what my friend said. I broke up with him because he did everything he said he'd never do. His excuse was that he didn't know why he said all that to her (it wasn't a real person and I told him that right after, it was me behind that account I made). I told him I have no way of knowing he didn't do that many other times. Then he accused me of not trusting him earlier in the relationship. But I was scared sometimes back then because of the late nights with the two girls and because of what my previous ex did. He tried to take the conversation off himself.. but I didn't let that happen.

His excuse for his response to my friend was that he wanted to find out if it was a fake account or not. He told me he only asked to do things so that he could find out if she's fake based on her response.
That's obviously a lie for multiple reasons:

1. He broke all his promises on the account that I made, and he did something we considered cheating. He broke my trust and broke his promises with many things in that chat. So then why should I believe what he says, especially about the chat with my friend?

2. It's a shady excuse. No guy Asks a girl to do sexual things unless he is really asking to do those things (sexting, pictures, Skype sex etc). And he didn't tell me about either of the girls (one or them not being actually real) until I confronted him... Another violated promise. Also, he said in the chat with my friend why did you decide to text me? :) He was friendly about it even though she was flirting with him. first if all he me before also that he never even uses emojis with non friends. That's only one little detail. his emojis showed that he was encouraging it and he went along with it. Also, When she called him hot, he said "I am?". If he suspected she's fake like he claimed, he wouldn't say that(also I've assured him countless times about his looks in the most loving and heartfelt way). These together all are supporting that he is a liar.

3. If they seemed fake, he wouldn't care to say the things he did. And instead of asking to do sexual things to find out if he was fake (Like I said, he claimed that's why but it sounds like a lie), he could've easily said something else.

4. Triple texting over several hours. He even said "are you there?" Several hours later at one point.

5. He easily coudlve said anyway that he has a girlfriend and told her to stop that. He told me that what he would say If something like this happened, and that he would tell me about it. He did not

6. And more.. needless to be said.


Part of me wants to believe his excuses because of the past with him and how he definitely seemed trustworthy and loyal
.... he seemed perfect. But I can't believe such stupid shady excuses. This is pure logic. So im torn and confused.
But either way, he broke my trust and broke several promises. And it definitely seemed like he asked the girl to do it... Not just because he wanted to know if she was fake!! And I already explained why it looks definitely like this excuse of his is a lie, in the above reasons I already listed.
And no guy doesn't know why he does a bunch of things that were breaking promises. He claimed he didn't mean to call the girl cute (in the chat on the fake account I made) There's no way he doesn't know why he called her cute or said the phrase awwww thank you :) when he explicitly told me he would not. And he broke other promises too that I mentioned such as telling me , and telling the girl he has a girlfriend and asking her to say such things. Also when my friend called him hot, he said "I am?" It shows he was enjoying the attention and he likely was insecure even though I told him many MANY times how I feel about him as well as his looks. And he was breaking another promise when he said "awwww you think so?" In the chat on the account I made. His promises were always clear and he guaranteed me that they'd not be broken. But he broke many. he broke my trust.

I'm feeling awful. I wonder about how many other things he hid from me and lied about. I don't understand how he was the way he was in the relationship yet he broke my trust and broke a bunch of promises. And also looking like he asked a girl to do sexual things. (I only say it looked like it because he claimed something else - but it was obvious that he meant it. And after the other chat, the overwhelming likelyhood is that he really was asking for it and didn't necessarily think she was fake. And he claimed to tell me the truth about the reasons. But they sound fake. Yet he used to seem so so so convincingly trustworthy, perfect, gentle, loyal, and any other such words you can think of. What gives? I'm sooooooooooooo confused , emotionally traumatized, and I feel like my heart got stabbed and cut. I can't even function.
I am deeply emotionally traumatized and confused. I can't handle it. He went from being the one who seemed perfect in every single way... to this. Or both at once. But I don't even know. And he used to be my everything! I keep crying all day and I feel the most terrible awful emotions! And it's so painful to lose someone who used to seem so loving and wonderful and all the things I described, and much much more. But yet he did what he did. And his reasons definitly looked like lies as I described. But yet he used to seem absolutely 100% loyal and trustworthy. I don't understand. I'm confused. Im also afraid of never finding someone like him again but without the disloyalty and trust-breaking. And im also confused because... Who knows what else he lied about before or what he might've done in the past?

I can't handle these emotions at all. I can't take it and they are indescribable, complex, and intense. I need clarity and advice. Especially on how to move on.
If you read through all of is, I appreciate it sooooo much. I feel indescribably awful and in pain. I can't even do anything, it is so debilitating. I don't know what to do. I also made a post on Reddit. They all said he wasn't my boyfriend because hadnt met him yet and that it wasnt a real relationship, etc. they said it wasn't love. They also said everything he did was a lie...but that would make no sense. I'm deeply confused and crippled and I need help.

All the details were helpful. I can only share from my own experience though and what I learned about LDR's long dist. relationships and about behavior of guys.
As I read how you described him and you on the LDR over the net, it reminded me of a time late in my marriage to a man who was verbally abusive. I was not getting the love and respect I needed at home. So when I found this guy I'll call Alan on the internet, {actually he contacted me 1st} I had needs to be filled, especially emotionally and boy did he. Within weeks we were both in love but he lived in another state. We're not talking young people in their 20s or so but me approaching 50 and him past mid 50, so mature adults here and yet we were not thinking either. When people have an ldr, theres too much room for the other to get away with things, saying one thing but doing another. It was what others ran into. As for us, He hadn't lied. But Here's what happened, the kind of stuff you can't cover in an LDR on line. I made the move to go live with him after a weekend flight of 3 day visit to see if we had any chemistry. This is also something you can't determine ahead of time. I had met plenty of guys when I started my internet dating profiles. LOts of guys sounded good and I was already falling for them in days, and meeting in a week or two, dating local. Met some gorgeous hunks with what seemed like perfectly great personality and character but by time we kissed goodnight at end of this meetup usually a coffeehouse, the romantic kiss wasn't always enticing or arousing. Sometimes it felt disgusting like your own brother having kissed you romantically. This means we didn't have a good pheremone connection...something one can't change like your blood type. So that meant the sexual part of a relationship was out and I wanted that too.
However with the out of state guy, it was there, lots of chemistry. The problem as I began to live with him was to see the little things you wouldn't know about from a relationship over the net like how the person handles their budget and keeping to it or overspending, do they cook, what type of food do they eat, is it very unhealthy, are they into conservation of energy and the earth, do they keep a clean house, etc. the list is very long. I found this man to be very anal about almost everything in what occurred around the house. No sitting on couch until a throw was perfectly in place, walking around in the dark to conserve on electricity especially at night, etc. but at least he didn't yell, just was telling me constantly about things that weren't perfect, like I didn't leave something sitting in it's exact spot, it was off a bit. I was still willing to live with it cus he was the best guy I had ever come across after leaving my husband. This guy was separated tho. And after about 4 blissful months together, his wife wanted to work things out rather than divorce and he was torn but chose her as they have two grown kids together. So yeah, I can understand what you are going through. It was like instant adrenaline running 24/7, my heart pounding and aching all day long, no big appetite, trouble focusing and sleeping, I became very shaky and just had to take myself up by the boot straps and realize I didn't like feeling this way, no matter who or what caused it. I made a decision right then to look at it from a different angle. When I chose to think differently about it, I was finally able to get past it.

I began to study more on line and in books about relationships, human behavior and even a little psychology as far as it related to relationships of any kind, not just romatic. Dating do's and don'ts. As I studied, I began to see lots of other people had been burned in LDR's. I found that humans will always turn to what is closer or easier, especially when one has not had a relationship in person, face to face (f2f) with the other. No matter what vows to an LDR, you can't be held in their arms or be around enough to be able to see the things and inconsistancies that might make or break the relationship and trust can not be built on line. I was a trusting person too and quick to trust when I was young. Life taught me to not be so quick to trust and look for a consistancy in a persons behaviour to know if they are really what they claim to be or not.
You needed to have this trust too. So you went about testing this guy. You were doing what you felt might remedy your feelings of needing to trust. But if honest with yourself, there was no way to know if any thing he said was 100% true or not, even when defending himself. This is part of the full territory of what you must deal with when its a relationship with someone you haven't met.
And so I also would caution here, if you decide to still meet or for the future with someone else, the best plan is to take an LDR out of the net and into F2F asap. When the other lives states or countries away, I would suggest, each one takes a turn to make a visit to each other first. That way you have two exploratory visits to get a very brief handle on who you are really dealing with here before relocating and going off to live with someone who is about half a stranger to you. I understand you and I both learned plenty on line but that's only about half the person and the kind of things that may tear up a relationship are difficult to know from just over the internet.

And now to share from some bits of dating advice I've picked up from listening to men over the years. Males seem to be very afraid of saying or doing anything that might bring on tears or upset or bring on hysteria in their girl so often they will keep things from you, even stuff like, "Oh, I almost got killed on the job today as a delivery driver" cus their girl might freak out and demand he quit the job and find something safer. My own husband has kept things from me not to lie or cheat but only to protect my emotions. In time, as the danger is gone, then he will confess to having kept something a secret for a period of time. Pretty much every guy I have been close to has kept something from me only to protect my emotions at the time, slowly gauging how I am doing and choosing the best time to tell me, certainly not when I am stressed or worried from my day. This is a male trait and not to be confused with having original bad intentions in the heart. I am not defending your guy. I don't know him so I can't say but I am sharing this only for you to consider.

Heres another thing for consideration. What one person considers cheating may not be what the other agrees with. For many couples, talking with and even complimenting others of the opposite sex is not considered cheating. My 2nd husband is only into me; and without being a gay man has the sensitivities of one, and so females respond happily to any compliments from him. I have usually been at his side if this happens as he won't do it if I'm not..friends with him can verify. I'd say 9 out of 10 females with their womens intuition can tell he is not flirting or hitting on them but just being genuinely friendly and supportive. He is supportive of all females, not just me. Its his nature. But as to his loyalty, I am the only one who has that. However I would not have been able to feel this trusting and assured if I had not been able to be F2F with him and then live with him. He has been consistant in who he portrays himself to be. I have never had to ask him to promise me to not do certain things because I already know what his morals are, his beleifs, how he treats all women with respect, etc. At a New years party, the older single hostess got drunk and started demanding a dance with him. Everyone else got scared and froze when she became belligerant in attitude. I was laughing as she grabbed him because I know how he is not attracted to anyone but me, plus he hates dancing but to placate her, He allowed her to starting dancing. He actually has a condition he was born with where he mentally can't do the dancing or other things if too many things at once.
I have also read recently a book in which a female psychologist talks about sex and how females and males look at it differently.
I want to also share that with you right now as it may come in handy with this guy or with others in the future. Dr. Linda Papadopoulos in "What Men say, What Women hear". Basically we often fall for hearing what we 'want' to hear, not what a guy really meant. Heres her explanation:

"Women want to experience a certain emotional closeness before sex, while men view sex as a route to this closeness. Woman regard sex as both an accompaniment to a strong relationship and a method of securing that relationship in the first place. For men, its a physical act that can lead to an emotional bond but they often seek sex just for the sake of sex. For women, the emotional bond is tied into the physical act so they have difficulty seeing the two separately and thus have the hard time with still feeling love for a guy who mistreats them or broke up with them."

So even if you had web sex, it isn't a guarantee that he is at the stage of his life, unlike It yourself, where he knows what he wants in a lifetime mate and is searching for her.
It may well be that right now he is more interested in sex and female friendships. Yes, I understand the emotional bond the both of you got online but it doesnt have the extra fighting chances as an F2F will give. Even F2F, it may not work out. But right now, as damning as it all sounds, take it from an outsider, that even as a female, if I were the judge over a court that dealt only in relationships, just based on what you alone have said, and not having his side of the story, I couldn't say for sure that he is guilty of anything that IS destructive to a relationship. And hon, to be honest, you can't know that for sure until you've had a chance to be with him in person, F2F for an extended period of time. What if this is all misunderstandings or attempts on his part to say and do the right things to make you happy cus he loves you but in immaturity doesnt know the correct ways to go about it. For example, I often put myself in the other persons shoes to understand. So if I were a male being contacted by your friend and she said the things she said first and it was only my responses to what she said, it sounds like a person not knowing anything more about a person and for lack of what to say to a stranger, if they compliment them, you are tempted to compliment them back as in "You're cute too or I like your pic too." If a girl says to me that I am hot...I am as a male going to wonder if she's one of those gals who is very sexual and looking for a new sex partner. So that being a difficult question to pose without offending the other if you are not quite sure, I really would have no way to know exactly what to say other than perhaps to joke about it and then see how she responds....which seems to have been his attempt.
Remember, in this one test....She started the convo. and the compliments, he didn't seek her out or make compliments first. If the first thing he did was say that she was a hot looking babe and she responded with something about his looks, then it would be another story.
If you wish to base your theory and the possible love of your life on only her and your fake contact of him, how are you to know that he doesn't go contacting women and aggressively approaching them for sex and such? You are not there. A man who is into you will want to spend time with you as he's done via the web, would he do the same F2F? That is the real question. Would he really be able to make the move here. Is there anything in his or a family members background that would be questionable to Homeland security where they may not allow him to come here to live. A visit may be the better choice to see if he's really all the liar you consider him to be, or if its a matter of misconceptions and misunderstandings based on where a male or female is coming from in their way of thinking and past experiences.
Ask yourself if you truly believe 100%, that you'd bet your own life on it, that he has been lying or cheating, not true to you in some way and if you're wrong, you can be put to death. Are you that sure? Or could you put your feelings of suspicion on a different track...using them to help you go on a different approach, to attempt to prove to yourself 100% if he is innocent or not in the only way you really can, by being there with him, not in a move yet, or him visiting you. Even this isn't good enough, and we all take chances if we don't have at least a handful of months to discover if it was all based on a pretence of character, just putting ones best foot forward to impress. We all do it to some extent but others knowing their faults do it to fool a person until they think they have the other one caught, on the hook to them...and thats when people drop their false images, cus it takes too much personal energy to keep up a fake image for long, weeks, maybe 3 mos to 5 mos for those really good with lots of energy. Even that hon, can't be viewed as a failure on your part in finding who you want in a partner, but it is part of the weeding out process of those who don't meet the basic qualifications.
If you feel that in some years time once you have recovered and met someone else that all you will ever do is wonder if this could have turned out different based on how you originally felt about him and wonder if you jumped to some conclusions when it isn't all that bad a situation to begin with, you could suffer more heart ache in the future to learn that based on your conclusions only, you threw away a man who despite some tweaking of what he may need to learn about women in general and in particular about how to deal properly with you and may have done so with proper uplifting and positive feedback from you, is now long lost to you and now you can never have him. People find their true love all the time and for whatever reason, even outside circumstances, or family opposition, don't end up staying together or marrying. I have the feeling you are one of those people who needs to feel 100% sure before you close the door on someone, even as just a friend. So I caution you to take your time. Despite the fact that the majority of the only successful LDRs are ones with already established F2F relationships who are torn apart a while when each attends colleges in different states or one goes out on assignment in the military, there are always exceptions to the rules and in case this one is an exception, you may want to check this out thoroughly.
Do I have any suggestions then? Sure I do. He's in love with the idea of living in America. I have a few German cousins like that but to my knowledge they've never made the move here where I grew up. You need to be sure that his love of you is stronger than his wish to come live here.
Put yourself in the other persons shoes before you speak or say anything. I'm a peace maker at heart so I do this. The last thing I will do is accuse someone of wrong or call them out on something. There are ways to fight fair if the need comes up and there may be a need here if he is guilty but even females, even you would shut down the moment someone starts chewing you out, a teacher or boss perhaps, and its worse if done in front of others, then theres humiliation tossed in as well and lack of respect for their feelings.
Yes, many are great believeable liars. But please watch how you word things in the future. Not saying to Not do things like run a test as you did. I know I would have been tempted. Just try to think like the judge of a legal court and realize what real solid proof is and what just might be full of holes or not proveable in any way before you make your final decision dear. I wish you the best cus I know how you are hurting, having been there before. If you feels it even feasible to start planning a long trip to see him one year and him the next to come see you, then you might want to start up communications again with only explanation being that you might have over reacted since you haven't anything totally solid to base your accusations on and you'd like to see if there is any real possibility of bringing this relationship into the real world meaning F2F starting with a visit to each others home in both countries to get a better feel for each other. And then deciding if there is any chance for a real long term relationship. Take things slowly too, as much as you may want an instant r esolution and Good luck!

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my guy friend always picks on me, so I asked why he does this, he says im easy to pick on, smiling.....is that a bad thing?

Your choice of words in explaining to us may need clarification. We are all going to interpret 'picking on' in different ways. To one person already, it comes across as a bullying problem. However my first thought was the kind of picking on that means needling someone, pushing their buttons, trying to get under their skin or in short, bug them. If instead this is the kind of picking on you meant and he truly is a friend in all other ways, then I'd have to guess that what he does to attempt to bother you, is simply a way of showing you that he cares about you as a friend. Of course, for ages, very young males haved 'picked on' girls they liked as an immature way of flirting, like putting gum in their hair, the icky stuff you wouldn't call flirting but for lack of knowing what else to do, instead of asking how to flirt, they try to wing it on their own, often sending mixed messages if not the total opposite one that they hate you.
My guess is that he values your friendship and this is his way of showing it.

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I admire the thought of being the calmest person ever. Like whatever usually makes a person angry, I could be absolutely, totally calm about. And when I talk to people, I want to always be calm. When things go wrong, I want to always be calm. When someone insults or yells at me, I want to always be calm.

I already do subliminals and they're helping a lot, but I want to know more on how to be super calm. I want to be known as the girl who's always super calm.

Being calm when things don't go as you may wish is a good trait to have but not the only one. Aunt Em is correct that stuffing feelings will end with you blowing up. If I pick thru your choice of words, I don't think that you have an anger problem per say. All of us have days where our patience runs thin and we may tend to snap as we speak. But heres a few things I have done most my life to remain calm and also full of joy/happiness.
You were also told of how the thoughts you think can make you make a certain way you don't want to feel. That is a good point and one I use often. Most people tend to think more negative thoughts than positive ones and it takes way more positive ones to cancel out the effects of bad thoughts. Your thoughts will eventually affect your actions so that if positive you will have positive emotions but if negative, it will be negative emotions like anger, and such.
So the first thing I would suggest is you take this seriously also. Take a day and every time you have a negative thought, make a hash mark on a notepad and keep score. You'll be amazed to see how often your thoughts drift to negative stuff. Its too easy, like driving by a car wreck and the next thing in my mind is wondering what happened to cause it and if that might happen to me. And the inward scene then goes to being in the hospital with near death experience or loss of a limb or something. It happens in seconds and all of a sudden I am not as cheery as I was before these thoughts. Catch the bad thought as soon as it appears and replace it with a better one. As the days and weeks go by, you'll find you have less and less of the negative stuff that spoils your mood.
I have found two things that could threaten my mood, one is people and the other is just bad luck of the day with one thing after the other going wrong. I'll start with the people problem first. Iits more about having an understanding and being empathetic with the end result being a calm person. The way to do so is the simple trick of placing yourself in the other persons shoes. If someone snaps at me, I would wonder if they are having a bad day, maybe they have a parent who is dying, their car broke down and getting around is a hassle now. When I dont focus on me but the other person, I am actually allowing positive emotions to flow. I will ask how someone is, encourage people, let them know I'll be praying for them, etc. When people know that it isn't an act and you truly care, their mood will lighten and change. Well, most people. There are a few people in this world you'll come across who are just plain old angry mean unhappy people and nothing ever makes them happy. Its almost as if they thrive on unhappiness and drama. In this case, I will suppose that something happened to them to change them into mean people cus babies aren't born mean and vindictive. Its what they see growing up, their childhood or perhaps things that happened to them, maybe a crime victim, an abused child or spouse, etc. and then I will thank God that i don't have those situations and find I am not angry at the person who is being negative towards me.
Another thing that helps is realizing you don't have to convince everyone else when you are right. Some people are narrow minded or think within the box and anything else just isn't so. I've got a brother in law like that. He'll hear a convo with my sis on things we believe in and make his negative comments about fake and weak minded, etc. I remember, its not for me to educate him or prove anything to him. I will look for any slight thing to let a person know I understand where they are coming from and give them credit on any little concept that comes even close to where I stand. When it comes down to it, all of us were given a free will and the freedom to express it as long as we aren't hurting ourselves or others.

As for the string of bad luck that can cause a person to lose their cool and calmness, I remind myself out loud so my subconsscious hears and takes this in...."The bad thing is already done and worrying or crying is not going to make it go away so worry, or anger is actually a waste of time." Think about all the good things going on today or in your life and realize things could have been worse. When you remain calm, its easier to find a solution to whatever isn't going well.
Hope this helps you dear.

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All throughout the college, I always worked at being an overachiever. Succeeding in all of my courses and doing better than the majority of the other students.

After recently graduating, this is showing in my personality. I love the team that I work with, and our supervisor is awesome and VERY supportive - I am delighted to be working under him. He's the kind of guy who constantly takes out to lunch, has paid for some meals for us, and he's always willing to help out and give feedback. However, my subconsciousness seems to want me to throw anyone who I can under the bus.

This morning, thinking that I was following proper decorum, I sent a whereabouts stating that I was working from home today and would be returning to the office. A whereabout is basically an itinerary of where you will be for the week, if you are working on field and billing. I work as a Business Analyst and part of my job involves billing and working in the field.

My supervisor let me work from home today, since I have stuff that is going on. Very accommodating towards me. I asked him if I should send out a whereabouts, and he said that he wouldn't, if he were me, but if I wanted to I could. Thinking logically now, if he wasn't supposed to do that, I could have gotten into him really big trouble.

I ended up getting into a situation, thinking that I was following proper decorum, where he told the VP of Human Resources (who does the majority of our secretarial work and reviews the resumes) that he told me not to and that I want to be like my other co-workers (who are billing and out of training). I have only been there for two months.

I brought it up with him, and he said that they love having me, but that I have to start thinking logically and recognize the term community, to paraphrase him. He is understanding that I am new to this, and it is an informal environment, but there are things that you have to do. For example, we have to defend each other, help each other out, etc. Most of all, no one should stand out from the rest of the staff.

How can I turn this part of my personality off?

It would be wonderful if all people who wanted to change something about themselves could be so easy as just flicking a switch and turning it off. Life isn't that easy.
First you need to understand the reason why the personal change is important and how it will benefit you which Adviceman did good explaining to you. Second is wanting to change. And the third part, the hardest is finding a way of going about it that works best as tricks for you to learning.
Changing a habit takes around a month at least or more to become a permanent part of you.
You've heard of people making affirmations, sometimes in the mirror? I believe that can help in cases like this where a person wants to change. As far as psychology goes, your conscious mind may understand and want to implement the changes but your subconscious mind may still be running under old or outdated rules and at worst, fight against your conscious self. I think this is where talking to yourself in a mirror and telling yourself how you need to act a different way now regarding your employment is important. You'll basically be reminding and instructing your subconscious.

As far as listening to someone tell you something else other than what you have been told in the beginning are corporate policies you must adhere to, stick with that ALWAYS. The reason why is that other than the owner, supervisors, bosses, managers, anyone in any kind of position of authority are human and either prone to error or purposely cutting corners and slacking cus they've not been caught before.
I work in fast food Corporate office for the region we're in would be the top Dog. They are the Boss of my restaurant manager. That manager is over shift managers and I have been asked to do things that went against instruction from my manager or from Corporate simply cus they didn't know their stuff well enough. In situations like this, its your hide on the line if you do the wrong thing because they asked and in the end if someone higher up finds out and the person who told you the wrong thing is afraid of looking bad or losing their job, they could lie and say they told you the opposite but you decided to do it wrong anyways. And then there are company policies. We are not supposed to wear nail polish for example of one. It can accidently chip and get into someones food. But I see plenty of staff wearing nail polish including one or two managers. I know its against the rules. The top manager sees it and does nothing. But I will not wear it. Why? Because anything I do that skirts the rules a little bit can go into my employee file and be used as a way to let me go in the future. We heard of a manager who was let go for eating extra food that wasn't what a customer ordered. Thats a no no and I know that person well enough to know she wouldn't do it with cameras watching most our moves. What I can say is she was very difficult to get along with to the point many people quit cus they couldn't handle her. When not a single person liked her, firing a person cus people don't like you isn't a good enough reason. Thats when a company can and will resort to using whatever little thing they were willing to overlook before but is solid proof to legally be able to fire a person.

So, its best policy to always do your best, do what you know is right and not to veer from that, no matter what person in the company other than the owner or corporate for the reason they changed policies. In fast food, policies change overnight. So every day I am scheduled, I ask the manager on site for what changes to rules there are, what are we out of, what is new on menu being offered, etc. because with no 9-5 M to F work schedules, all the employees aren't there at the time something new is implemented. Then verify as soon as you can with other managers or employees that they have been told the same new policies to be sure what you've been told was correct. Good luck!

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I am 16 and I have had my license for about two months now. However, I have not been able to once drive myself around somewhere because I don't have a car. There are cars available, but my parents don't allow me to drive them because I'm not registered to them or something? It has to do with insurance, I'm not sure with the specifics. Anyway, there is a BMW in the garage that is supposed to go to me, but it doesn't pass smog bc there is a part that needs to be replaced. However, this part costs like $2700 and my dad doesn't have the money to just pay all of that up front. Along with that, all of the tires need to be replaced, and a lot of other things. With that really expensive part, not every mechanic can fix it, but my dad heard about this mechanic from his uncle who can most likely fix it. So, in about 2 weeks, he's going to hear back from my uncle if the mechanic is really worth it, and then he's going to fix the car. Basically, fixing this car is a work in progress and it's going to take a couple months, most likely until November. However, it's August right now, and I just started school, so The people taking me to school everyday are my aunt and my grandpa. This whole summer, I had no idea about the situation of the car and what was really wrong with it. Every time I asked my dad about the car, he would just say that I have to finish some project for him (not going into that) and then I would get the car. However, the project was not working at all bc my dad was really hard to work with and it would have taken too long, so I told my mom that I don't want to do this project anymore and I just want the car fixed so I can take myself to school & get to places for the extracurricular activities I'm involved in without having to ask for a fucking ride EVERY SINGLE TIME. I have missed out on so many important things just because I didn't have a ride. So when I talked to my mom, I told her to tell my dad (because he gets all pissy when I ask him about it) if he can just fix the car and give it to me. I already have a 4.2 GPA, I have a really high position in the biggest club of the school, etc, I have a lot of achievements that I've done all for my parents so that they can reward me with things (like a car in this case) when I need them. My mom talked to my dad and he explained this whole car situation to her. However, the thing is that I HAD NO IDEA WHY THE CAR COULD NOT BE FIXED BECAUSE HE NEVER TOOK THE TIME TO TELL ME. The only reason I thought he wouldn't fix it was because I wouldn't finish the project, once I finished the project, the car would take about a month to be fixed and then I could start driving it. That's WHAT I THOUGHT BECAUSE THATS WHAT HE TOLD ME, I never once knew that the reason why the car wasn't able to be fixed was bc of a much more complex problem that takes a lot of time and energy to fix. Today I talked to him about it and he finally explained to me, after months of me stressing out and thinking he wouldn't give the car to me because he wanted me to work for it. Left and right everyday I would see kids in my grade getting new cars when they fail every since class of theirs and are horrible kids when I'm over here being such a great daughter, listening to my parents, doing really good in school and outside of school. It really angered me. Then, today, after he explained the situation of the car to me, he got mad and told me that I'm an idiot who just wants things right there right then. Well, of course I would want it "right there right then" if u made the car seem like it just needed a small little fix? I kept telling him that he never told me the actual situation of the car, so how was I supposed to go about it the right way? But he didn't understand. He kept calling me a moron and stupid because I keep wanting the car immediately when it's a huge work in progress, but I didn't even know because he never took the time to tell me!!!!!! Once he told me I understood completely, but he kept insulting me afterwards and so I blew up because he MADE me look like an idiot, but he couldn't handle it so he yelled really loud. Like , really loud. So I just walked away. I don't know if this made sense but who do u think is right in this case?



You may be thinking of right as in correct vs wrong. I only see the word "Right" in its other meaning of being fair or right. Your situation is one that cant easily be answered right or wrong but if you want to know who has rights, both of you do.
Until you turn 18, your parents must cover your basic needs. They are obligated to provide a roof over your head, clothes to wear and food to eat. Pretty much anything beyond that in a court of law wouldn't be seen as a neccessity. Any tests or requirements the parents have given you are for their own reasons, hopefully to give you some experience at doing adult things before you legally become an adult at 18 and can be responsible for yourself.
Now, as for your rights, you had a right to be spoken to civilly as an adult to be. This should be part of helping you understand how to reason out difficult decisions and hopefully have a chance to toss out some possible solutions to whatever issues are going on. In this one with the car and not being told anything, it was unfair, but even if Dad had talked to you, you still may not have been able to get the car cus it may not be fixable or the parents don't have the money to pay for it. then theres the thing about insurance. Usually parents will put their children under their insurance if using parents car. Since this will be your own car once you do get it, if money if tight, they may not be able to pay for insurance. You might be thinking about ways that you might be able to pay for insurance. Take some time to check with insurance companies what it will cost. Then check if you can find a job that will cover it. As a parent myself, I gave my kids certain responsibilities when they were still teens so they could get experience handling adult things. I still remember middle daughter needing to call on an issue with something but she was afraid to make the call and wasnt sure what questions to ask or what info to give the call center for help. I stood next to her as she made the call on speaker and if she got stuck, she motioned to me and I whispered what she needed to ask next. I think it was a banking problem and it got solved. However, this meant, as a parent, I had to be willing to be alongside and communicate and help her so she could have some successes. There are some places that hire at 16. A fast food place I work at hired a 16 yr old guy who really is doing well and the customers like him by comments they make.

I'd like to point out that as a teen girl, your patience may be a bit limited due to hormones of puberty still making your emotions go out of hand at times. All females go thru this to some extent or another. Try to think of this situation of yours as an opportunity to learn to grow your patience with difficult people in the world cus long after your parents are out of the picture, you'll be dealing with plenty of not so nice to downright nasty people out there that you simply can't avoid having to deal with. I am sorry your Dad called you names, putting you down. My kids's Dad did the same thing bringing my girls to tears. I had adult witnesses besides my kids to report the same thing, that Dad was acting more like a kid than an adult. IT would be a more perfect world if kids could have parents who were truly mature adults and terrific at parenting. However, thats not the real world. Those kids who get bad grades and don't have to work for getting a car, are being given whatever they want without having to either work for it or learn some responsibility. So once they turn 18 and later when older, they won't have a clue how to go about being an adult and have a much harder time making their way in the world as an adult.

Use mom as much as you can to talk to Dad when he's unreasonable. If he has siblings, your aunts and uncles whom he's close to and listens to, you can always find time to have a chat with them and run the issue past them as you have with us. They know him the best and can let you know if he's always had trouble with communicating well when it is important to do so. Dont whine or complain, just go about it adultlike and see what they may have to suggest. Your mom may be too close to him or used to him to see much of a problem.

You did state you have a drivers license. It may be different in your state, but where I live, teens aren't even able to get a learners permit until 16 so depending on how much driving experience they get with a passenger who is a licensed good driver of a certain age in their 20s.
If you have not been able to drive yourself around, I just wanted to point this out in case what you have is not an actual license where you can drive yourself even if you had a working insured car right now, but a learners permit license instead.

Good luck in everything.

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I'm 22 and I've been dating my current boyfriend for two months. In the past I've had two prior serious relationships and dated a few guys in between.

I know this might sound weird, but I feel like men become really obsessed with me really fast and it bothers me a lot. I'd like to mention here that I'm religious and very ambitious and not the kind of girl to get into risky things or date "bad boys".

In my 1st relationship the guy and I wound up getting an apartment together within 3 months because he really wanted to move in with me and be together all the time. We stayed together for 3 years and were engaged, but I broke it off because he wasn't the kind of guy who I saw myself spending my life with (due to an increasing number of bad habits and little ambition). Even though I broke up with him he tried to get back with me for almost a year and a half later until I blocked his number and moved out of the city.

The next guy within two months of dating started stalking me everywhere I went and whenever I was with him he wanted to have sex or engage in sexual activities. Then he wanted me to move with him which I declined. Then he forced me into meeting his parents and grandparents even though I didn't want to. Within three months he got so crazy that he threatened to kill himself when I wasn't with him and wanted to talk about marriage. I wound up with a restraining order and charges against him after I broke up with him and he began sending me threats against my life. When I first started dating him though he was a good christian boy (I met him at church) that was really sweet and nice so I don't know what happened.

A guy I dated before my current bf started out as a work crush and then we started dating. He had a really great personality and all that, but before I knew it he constantly wanted to spend every day with me and wanted me to live with him after about a month, which I declined (again). He also kept bothering me about meeting his family. Then after I had sex with him the first time he kept bothering me for sex all the time and I wound up breaking up with him because he was bad in bed to the point it wasn't fixable...after I broke up with him he would send me letters and flowers up to a month and a half later.

My current boyfriend has been pretty great to me, but I'm starting to see some of the same signs. After I had sex with him once he started wanting to have sex every night and he's already asked me to move in with him multiple times. He wants me to spend every night with me and talks about how much he can't stand to be away from me. Now his parents are coming up and he wants me to meet them.

I don't understand why men become like this with me so fast and it really stresses me out.
I'm also a full-time college student and work full time as well and with all the stress of that, adding on relationships like these are incredibly overwhelming. When I ask them about it they say things like "It's because I'm so beautiful, fun, and smart" but that doesn't seem fair to me because then men get in a huge funk when I'm not in a mood to be that girl.

Sometimes I wonder if I should stop dating until I'm out of college because it's just way too much stress. I always feel like everybody expects so much out of me and depends on me so much when all I want is somebody to help alleviate that stress, not make more of it. I don't want to be expected to be a perfect girlfriend 24/7 and to be okay with moving in with a guy so soon into a relationship. I also don't want to be expected to get to know and please another person's family before we've even been together a year. I don't want to be expected to want to have sex whenever the guy wants to and to be up for anything in bed. I also don't mean to make it sound like I hate sex or anything like that because I do like sex, but when I feel like it's expected, it kills the pleasure of it.

Should I break up with my current boyfriend because everything is just stressing me out too much?

I don't know what to do and I don't feel like this is normal, but I see every girl/woman I know with a boyfriend or a husband and they typically live with them too and I don't know how they can handle it?? My two best friends are living with their SO and one of them has only been with him for 6 months and the other is married with a baby to their SO when they've only been together a year.

Help please! :(

Wow...thanks for the details and it sounds like you certainly have had bad luck with a definitive pattern to it so I can understand the stress. If it was me, I'd be gun shy of every new relationship.
I am in my late fifties now, with 2nd husband and will share what little insights I have from my own life in hopes any of that may equip you to feel less stressed about the process of dating to find ones SO or mate.
It may be long but I will address things you wrote of in the order they were written.
I was glad to hear you state right off the bat what you are like as a person. It takes understanding ourselves well enough to be able to even have a hint at who we'd be a good match for and due to who we are, and including our past, the bad parts that haunt us, it is a good way to start figuring what kind of guy is going to be the right person for us. For example, I don't know how religious you are but it might be a good thing to figure out if you are going to require a man who is a believer, religious or just spiritual, of if an agnostic or other faith is something you are also okay with.

What I find interesting is that all the guys wanted to move in with you very early on. While thats not weird or anything, it is not always the behavior of men in their 20s but more the older men already divorced or widowed who have a better idea of what they are looking for and can be quite sure early on. SO can females, so I'd like to share next what I believe the process of dating relationship to be as it will help you to know whether the guy or perhaps yourself are jumping over some important steps.

Dating is for determining if there is interest beyond basic attraction, discovering more about the other to determine if you like and can handle their personality traits, and whether there's enough in common, or evidence of destructive habits or tendencies in one or both people that would harm the partner emotionally and/or physically and kill the relationship. Depending on what you discover, you either continue dating the person and take it to the committed couple level or you break up. If you break up, you look for the next dating partner, always trying to find someone a step better than the last partner, basing your choices for the new person on traits you discovered that you liked enough to look for in the next person, while at the same time avoiding the other things that you won't tolerate.
If all is going well and you develop some serious feelings for each other, you take the relationship from just dating to the committed couple level. At this level, depending on your age, you are dating each other exclusively or moving in together or getting married. A lot of people see someone exclusively but won't make a commitment if it is more to have someone to attend a movie with or go out socially. And some want a partner for the security, financial reasons or to be their live in Mommy or Daddy but nothing more.
So if they aren't needing you for your money, or to pick up after them, perhaps it could be for a reason as I encountered in first marriage. I'll come back to that.
Since I don't know what bad habits were evident with your 1st guy, nor examples of lack of ambition, I have no idea if the 1st was simply looking for a girlfriend for two reasons, convenient sex but also to fill the mommy role for him non sexually, meaning you're the adult and he acts more like a child. I did notice you worded it that 'He wanted to move in with You' rather than wanting you to move in with him.
To me, there's a possibility for a difference there. In one he's looking for someone to take care of him, in the other he's a well established, successful and mature man who wants the female to live with him simply because he loves her and wants to share life together, an equal partnership.
I will state right here that committed relationships like marriage only work if both people are putting in the same effort, maximum effort to make a relationship work and it goes far beyond how much personal attention a mate shows you, like the running of a household together as well as shared budgeting (who pays what or joint acct.)

And now you mention sex (the good christian guy)
Religious or not, males are going to be interested in having sex or hoping for a sex partner someday. The best way a male is guaranteed having a sex partner handy all the time is to be in a relationship with female who has the same libido as him. Libido is how much and how often a person wants and desires sex as this will prompt them to seek out someone but most people, including myself (back at age 20) don't know how important this one little thing is.
So I ended up marrying a guy who had low libido while I had high. Usually the more common combo is the other way around with the guy wanting sex more often. Having it expected or scheduled, indeed does kill the desire as you mentioned so you already know more than I did at that age. Then theres the chemistry between two people. Often early on sex is so special due to the newness of a partner. New relationship energy is what this would be called. But eventually, just like the much desired toy you finally got at Christmas, unless the toy was really geared to your personal interests, like mine having something to do with art, I lost interest in the toys, much the same as two sex partners or one will lose interest if the connection between them isn't strong enough.
I'd also like to address the fact that you don't know what really happened for a CHristian guy to go so far off track and have all those problems.
I assumed I was safe with a Christian guy too but as a traveling pastor once said,
Just because you find a mouse in the cookie jar, that doesn't make him a cookie." So no matter how nice a person is, my guy was really nice and that impressed me, you need to know a little more about people before you can discover if they are a true solid believer or if they are someone with problems and just wanting to get better. The problems you mentioned may have been in place long before he attended church. My ex was late in life diagnosed to have mental illness but didn't want to see a Dr. to get better. Deep down inside, many people with undiagnosed issues know something is wrong but they are afraid to find out what it is, just like the ex. So in a self effort to appear more normal to the world in general, you want to look like you fit in. In church, there were more couples than singles so for him, the solutions were to marry someone and have a couple kids and own a house with the white picket fence...you know...what they call the American dream. And that way, he felt he wouldnt stick out. But not only was he verbally abusive for the entire marriage but due to our great differences in what we were like sexually, he and I were even a sexual mismatch.

It is at this point that I will say that I am now an advocate for two people who have met and spent enough time talking and spent together to be sure the other is what your looking for and as part of that, near the end of this stage, that the two have sex to discover if they are a good match. Once won't tell you if the both of you have the same libido so having sex then often or once living together is another way to find if you have the same libido's and like the same things.
Another thing I've learned with experience, is that no two sex partners are alike. When you have a new sex partner, it takes quite some time to get to know that person well enough to be able to please them easily. What one guy likes or how he responds to a certain touch sexually is not the same with the next. I can't think of any that were exactly the same and I've had lots of partners. So keep this in mind when you are considering a guy to date or live with. Living with can be a sign of commitment but for others it is just a more heavy duty version of the getting to know your partner well and its not uncommon for peole living together to finally discover things they can't put up with in the partner and they split up. This is all a normal part of the dating and relationship process. So don't think badly of yourself for having gone through it.
Again though, I find it odd that guys want to live with you so soon after meeting. Perhaps there is something that can be changed about the meeting process...more of you stating what you are and are not looking for in a guy after thanking him for his interest in you and also stating any boundaries you have. I actually did that 2nd time around when looking for my 2nd mate. I was on a couple dating sites and guys wrote me all the time. It added up to the hundreds over a handful of years dear and I am not exaggerating. Very seldom did I get a guy upset because he didn't meet the criteria he needed to meet to even see me in person the first time. I had a list.
Your current boyfriend asked you to move in with him. You mention sex again and he must like it but theres not mentioned of the type of relationship the two of you have. Theres give and take as we share our days together. Sex is just the icing on the cake and the best way to show ones love for their SO, thats why depending on the situation, it can also be called making love.
But if making love is the icing, there needs to be the cake of the relationship and that hasn't been addressed. So I am wondering if there is much 'cake' at all to this or any of the past relationships. Just sharing rent, having someone to eat some meals together with and see coming and going, and to have sex with is not what a solid happy rewarding relationship is. You may have left it out so as to keep it short. However what needs discussing beyond whats written could take an afternoon of you sitting with a best friend talking this out.
As for guys finding you beautiful, fun and smart and wanting you for those reasons, well heck, anyone with a good head on their shoulders is going to be looking for the same. I told the men writing to me in dating sites that if I went out on just one date with each guy per day, and only went out with the tons of guys who said I was sexy, funny and intelligent, then I'd have a different guy willing to go on one day for every day of the year. I heard those compliments often enough to know it was just a line from desperate lonely men who wanted a regular love in their life and/or sex parter.
Only you can know if stopping dating til you are done with college will help you with the stress.

However, once done with schooling, you'll be right back where you started, a job and your other daily chores, and any other priorities like friends, family, etc. My own husband said he didnt write to me for a long time in the dating site cus he didn't feel he could offer much time to the relationship cus he was working overtime almost every day. leaving 6 am and not home til 7pm leaving only evenings and weekends to have together with him so exhausted after his delivery job that he had little quality time to give someone. However once we met, we realized we were more perfect for each other than anyone we'd met before and than any of the couples we know. Its for those reasons that despite the time crunch, us moving in together was a way to have that little time together and though sex was and still is a big part, there is so much more. He loves to wait on me hand and foot, we take turns cooking and cleaning up, basically he tales as active a role in our relationship as I do. If you meet the right guy, then I am sure instead of stressful, you'll find yourself busy but happier to be living together with the perfect guy you've found.
I do have a letter with instructions of how to find Mr. Right. And it would go well for you at some point to have this info as well. If you choose not to date until you finish school, ask me for it in the future, or now and save it.
If you just want gals and guys to be social with to go out to eat with or watch a movie with the little time you have, then when you meet a guy, let him know you find him very intriging and would like to have a chance to know him better but alas, you'd tried dating while still in college and working and find you can't handle the stress of having time for a relationship. So if he wants a group of friends to hang out with once in a while, he can add you to that group, but you will not doing regular dating right now, and list any other boundaries, like no more sex until you finish school. Good luck dear.

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When the time of pregenas appeared?
I am frome Ethiopia .

I can tell you are asking about pregnancy but your actual question I am not sure of. If you want to know at what point a female becomes pregnant, some will argue that it is the moment her egg becomes fertilized by a sperm. However, the fertilized egg has to travel about a week before it can attach itself to the lining of the uterus where the baby will grow. It isn't until it is firmly attached in the womb/uterus, before a female will show signs of pregnancy.

Now if you are asking about what the signs of pregnancy are, then a missed period may be a sign but females cycles can be late just from stress like worry or the stress of recently being ill so its best to take a pregnancy test or see ones Dr.
Other signs are being extra tired all the time, breast gets bigger, weight gain overall, spotting, morning sickness and or nausea and mood swings to loss of or lower libido, meaning desire for sex is less. These would easily be early signs of pregnancy.

If you have a different question, then you would need to rewrite it so we can understand or find someone who is great at writing in English.

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hi, my name is kate and i have a "friend" we've been bestfriends for 5 years, she's always made me laugh and smile but also cry, mostly...she's been ugly since her childhood but i didn't care, now she's kinda pretty and she says she has a great body, but in reality she has a belly, no hourglass figurr and a hip dip, i'm not saying that this type of form is bad, she just says things that aren't true, somehow, she has been liked by a lot of guys, they were saying perverted things about her, and know she has a boyfriend who is from another country and is a singer(john robert rimel) and his real name is different in georgian ( i live in georgia the country) she also describes her life as a comedy-romantic-teenage movie and it seems so unrealiatic, she is messeging her "boyfriend" and shows me the messeges, i've never seen her boyfriend or other friends in real life, she makes me cry, she makes me angry,self-concsious,makes me feel ugly, unrespected, next to her my life seems like shit, she always says sarcastic things and praises herself from her "boyfriend's" facebook, that makes me cry, praising herself while i felt prettier than her before it all started, she also lied about one direction being her bros, it was of course hard to believe, but ahe used sign language of a confident person, she talked in details and somehow made it believable, it's like she's manipulating me, then she said it was all a test, if she acted so great at a test, wouldn't she lie to me to this day? she's very manipulative but sometimes she's an energetic, kind person who gives great advice,or makes me think so, if i tell her that i don't want any relationship with her, she will cuss me out or tell me that she doesn't care, it hurts me, but if i don't do that,i wouldn't be able to move on with my life, it'z very hars to me to make friends, because i'm different, i'm 13 btw, i don't want to feel like shit again,i don't want to be manipulated, but she's my neighbour and it would be awkward to end it like that,what in the hell should i do?

Its one thing to stop seeing a friend but you also mention she is a neighbor so if living on the same street next door or someplace across the street, it will be hard to not see her. You may want to remain on a friendly basis with her but not remain so close.
Actually, for the age, both you and her are typical teens because at that age, we all go through it, wanting to be liked and having lots of anxieties and often low self esteem. I know I sure did and so has any adult I've asked about their childhood and teens.
Her lying or exaggerating to make her life seem so much better is part of low self esteem. Lots of this stuff goes away as we get older and mature. Right now, she's just wishing she had a better life or thinks she wants the one she makes up all the time in her head. IF she can put a whole detailed life together in her head and is good with words, it might be a good idea for her to keep a diary and write a book, maybe one of her life as a teen. Whether true or not, it may be fun to read. As for yourself, if you feel you really can't stand her anymore, your schedule would need to appear very busy and full to have a solid excuse to tell her you don't have any time for her. One way to be busy is having other people to see also. HOwever you say you have a hard time making friends 'because you are different'. That to me is a second situation to be dealt with. If you want help with how to make friends, write another question and explain please, maybe give examples, of how you are different and why you believe that to be holding you back from making friends. I'll agree it isn't always easy at this age and I never had many but I had a handful at a time who were true friends who never treated me crappy. You deserve that too.

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My birthday is coming up in 2 weeks, and for the past week or so, I've been saying I want to try a candy called Mike and Ike (They don't sell them in the UK so online shopping is the only way to get them). However the last time I asked for them, my parents said that I can only have them if I get a haircut. My hair is quite long for a male, but not that long since it's not in my eyes or anything. However, I'm quite happy with the way my hair is, and they say it looks scruffy but I don't understand how, I think it looks fine. My friends say it looks fine. My cousins say it looks fine. So it's just my parents who don't like it. But what I want to know is why can't I have control over my own hair? I've had hair quite short before but I didn't like it, but they don't want long hair because they think it gives the family a "bad image". Where I live, my hair is sort of iconic, my friends have said that it wouldn't be like seeing the same person if I had short hair and that they like how it is, but my parents say that they're in charge of me. They can't make me get a haircut, because it's MY hair on MY body. I don't care if they don't like my hair, if it makes me happy then that's what matters. For example , my dad has big ears, I don't tell him he needs to have surgery to make them smaller! My parents are so annoying. I've been wanting to try Mike and Ike for a long time.
What should I do?

I agree with everything Razhie said. I will only comment on Mike and Ike as I live in the U.S. where we can buy it. I had some recently after a few years of not having any and realized that at least to me, they weren't a big thing. The fruit flavored ones are just like jelly beans with a more narrow shape rather than bean shaped, and maybe a bit tougher to chew than a jelly bean. The licorice version with pastel pinks and white candy shell on outside and licorice on the inside just weren't as good as I remembered either.
After eating some whole, i decided to eat the candy shell off a couple and then just eat a coule licorice parts and thats where the problem was for me. The licorice didn't taste very good, very artificial for licorice. I can buy dollar candy with better licorice which I love. I personally wouldn't do something as drastic as get a hair cut to get those candies. My take on it, they are worth the bargain.

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I'm 18/f

There's this guy who I see every once in a while and whenever I do he flirts with me. I know for sure he's atleast five years older then me. I do find him attractive though. I'm not experienced when it comes to flirting so I'll need help in that area. But I also need help in figuring out if I should just go for it and see what happens.

Just going for it and seeing what happens is very open ended, just about anything can happen and you may or may not like it.
I think its better to have some basic ideas in your mind first as to what you want in a guy, and what if any boundaries you want in place. Unless of course you have no expectations, and anything at all is okay with you. But keep in mind, this doesn't exclude all the bad possible things that could happen. I see no problem with the age difference and you at 18 are considered old enough to be consenting for sex in case it gets to that point. I know people, including a female relative who at the same age took a few too many risks with guys she didn't realize she didnt know well enough to know any motives behind the friendly polite initial behavior. A guy can seem fine, and be honorable until you take a risk too early on, and agree to go to his place to hang out or a date somewhere no other people are around, real private and tries to proceed to make out, you say no as my relative did, and he instead of respecting your wishes, forces you and that is date rape. I am not saying that just because he's a bit older that may be an intention somewhere in the back of his mind but its just a logical conclusion that a more experienced male wanting sex will attempt to lure a possibly less experienced more naive female.
So if you are wanting to flirt, you may as well learn about body language and such that are also good clues that someone is into you. You can find lots of stuff like that just doing searches on the web and videos on youtube.

If you haven't dated much in the past, it is a good idea to start gaining some experience, once you feel comfortable enough.
At your age, do you want to date guys only for having a social partner to do stuff with, or are you hoping to gain experience and ideas of what kind of man to marry someday. If you want kids someday, is he adverse to having a kid someday, or does he like kids. Is he the responsible type, with a job and his own place, or is he the person who is out of jobs more often than in a job and relies on parents and others to take care of all his needs. You need to let a guy know early on what your boundaries are, this means not only discussing sex boundaries but how he treats you. You may revise as you come across behavior you dont like. Don't be afraid to give a guy an ultimatum if he can't respect you and treat you as you wish to be treated. I learned the hard way with an abusive first husband. But I did learn what to look for and what to avoid from my experiences. A person can't really tell you what a bad trait you dont want, actually looks like but you will know when it happens again and again. If you know you are a strong enough person that you can tell a guy what you are looking for, and what behavior will not be tolerated, or you'll drop him, then you are ready to 'just go for it'.

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hi female 19
hi so there is this guy at my church and i think he likes me, i am not sure but he gives off a very big vibe. I have always thought of giving him head, or just giving him a hand job. The thing is i have known him forever and we have never really done anything past flirt. but i wanna try him, i want to do little things that will make him get an instant hard on, but i dont want it to be too obvious because i dont want to automatically be rejected.I just wanna see him pop a boner for me and then see where it goes after that

Read more: http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=660540#ixzz4GRGwa1Fc

All I know from what you wrote is that you are a 19 yr old female who is having lots of sexual thoughts about this guy.
Going on that alone, here's what I can say:

If you are looking for only a sex partner, then its a good idea to have sex with someone who is mutually physically attracted to you as well. When I was your age, I was pretty mature but lacking life knowledge and experience and the only way to get that is by the trials and errors of your experiences. As long as you think about, and dream about this, nothing is going to happen. So you'd have to make some first steps.

Now from my own life experience, here's something to think about. The majority of churches are into preaching against anything of a sexual nature unless it is missionary position sex between a husband and wife. Everything else is frowned upon. Church leadership and parents blindly follow any doctrines on sex. Not saying everyone in church is like this, but some people have gone against what their parents think about sex outside of marriage, while others accept and believe it. I have witnessed a couple married who had never even kissed. Their first kiss was when the preacher said you may now kiss your bride and she fainted from fear before he could do that. Months later, the marriage was annulled cus they'd never had sex because of distorted fears of sex from their indoctrination. Keep in mind this guy may be brainwashed and not willing to. However, its more likely that a male who is approached by a gal who wants sex doesn't have to be convinced as long as her looks are appealing to him. He doesn't even have to like or love her.

The girls I know who thought that the best way to securing a guys interest in her totally as a whole person, loving her in all ways, not just with sex, were disappointed when they decided to put sex first.
Sex doesn't make a guy fall for you in like or in love. Psychologists who understand the differences between men and women are aware of this. You need to be too.

So if you want him only for sex, you'll have to just figure out on your own what you want to say when you approach him.
I am a person who believes the more subtle approach is better.
Approach this guy as a friend, befriending him first...even tho we know that most likely all along you'll be thinking sexual things about him and hey, guys do that naturally anyways. The thing we all need to remember is that as humans, its okay to have sexual desires, but not always okay or the right person or right timing to act upon it, so we need to control our impulses.
If you know how to walk up to a person and start a convo with them, you're on your way. If you need pointers, think of a topic of conversation that refers to the place or moment you find yourself in, so if at church, ask open ended questions about something related to church, or college if you attend the same one. Closed end questions are ones that can be answered yes or no and after that the chat can dead end. Keep the convo going long enough so you can say at the end that you've enjoyed talking to him and would like to do that more. Ask for and trade cell numbers and think of a regualr, non sexual activity you could invite him on, picnic, bike ride, to a movie, out to dinner, and take the time to get to really know him. The more time spent talking, you can have a good idea of who he is depending on how often and how long you talk. I talked on the phone with my 2nd husband for a week and half, every evening for hours and by the end had a good feeling for who he was as a person. It could be at this point you ask a question of who he thinks would make the perfect girlfriend. Tell him what you think makes the perfect boyfriend. Just don't make your first questions anything sexual. That only works with guys who are players and always looking for their next one night stand. But the good guys who'll make good bf and husbands, often can be put off by a girl who comes on too strong as far as being the initiator of sex by kissing and touching intimately and saying, I want you to take me to bed, or have sex with me.
If he's the kind of guy who wants a gal who he can love for more than her body, like her character and personality, then it could be a turn off. That's why I suggest taking the time to get to know him. If he doesn't respond to your friend overturess and seem to be equally interested in calling you first sometimes, and showing by body language and flirting that he's interested in you as more than a friend, then you may not want to push it. It can be embarassing and hurtful to be rejected sexually. So look for clues and just don't go there, no matter how much desire you have for sex with him if all the signs point to him not really being interested in you that way. And I would try to keep it all as secret as possible if either he or you have parents, family who are very strict religiously and have sex phobia's. You don't need the stress of them badgering you misguidedly about sexual sins and such.
As for signs that a person is turned on/horny, females get wet, males get boners. The only ones that are detectable thru clothing is the males. However, keep in mind dear, as men get quite a bit older in age, they can be very turn on but there may not be the evidence of a boner. When a guy is hard, he is ready for sex. But also keep in mind, many young males do not realize that females need lots more time than males to be ready to take in a penis. So wanting to see where things go after a guys gets a boner, depends on whether he's a gentleman and knows how to hold back his desire or a user who acts on his desires or a rapist who also acts on his desires. A boner isn't a guarantee the man loves you just as the lack of one doesnt mean he isn't desiring you and needing lots more time to get hard.

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So I have this friend and she seems to be trying to out-be me if that makes sense. I'll explain:

so there's this guy I went on a date with and friend-zoned and then a month later she started flirting with him and now they're going on a date. Now she is saying that she thinks I am jealous of them and I know that I am not, but I do find it annoying that out of everyone she had to go after him.

I have a best friend and this year even though she is one of my good friends too, she has become best friends with my best friend and now she tries to do everything with her. I do not have ownership of my friend but I am just saying that once again I find it odd that it is her that she goes after.

Now my friends think I am jealous of her and the guy because of the way I act. I act excited for her and interested in their dates because she did the same for me when I dated him and I would act that way regardless of who the guy is.

I haven't said anything but really I am just thinking that she has been trying to do what I've done but better. It is bothering me that she has been telling people that I am jealous of her now.

When someone copies you, sometimes it means that they have no idea how to be self confident and unique and discover who they are and just be themselves. SO the easiest thing to do is to copy someone who admire. Being her friend, I am sure she has admired lots about you. You are most likely more self assured than her, more outgoing, more bold, more everything. Its not uncommon to borrow self confidence by imagining yourself to be that other person. The real magic happens due to the power of being able to create with our thoughts so if she's just going through the motions and doing stuff to the extreme of doing everything you did to get your old bf, without changing the issues in her mind, how she thinks of herself, it won't work forever. Deep inside, the insecure person or person with other issues knows something isn't right with themselves so in order to distract people from seeing the obvious in them, they will point the finger at others and accuse them of random things that aren't true. I had an ex like that. Mental illness, wouldn't go get help from a Dr. and always talking to people when i was right there, cutting me down and pointing the finger at me, saying how I was the one who was insecure when actually it was him.
If she is telling people that you are jealous, then it is confirmation that she is actually jealous of you. Either you ignore this issue with her and continue to be her friend, or you stop the friendship. I do not know if this is simple immaturity she'll grow out of eventually some day or something more serious like a personality disorder or mental illness. However, there isn't anything I can think of that you could do to help her change. A person needs to be willing to admit they have an issue or problem and then be willing to find the right person, usually a professional who can help and be willing to do the things, practice the changes, the lessons, etc. to become better. Many people go their entire life with a personality disorder and have few lasting friends because of it.
Do not let what she says or does, bother you. If others are fooled by her performance and believe her to be what she is pretending to be, it will eventually end and they will see who she really is. We all do something like that to some extent when meeting a possible new employer or possible new dating partner. We try to put our best foot forward and if we feel inadequate, we pretend to be someone we're not just to get the job or the person and the personal energy it takes to keep a false persona going 24/7 is very draining so eventually when a person who is pretending to be you or just someone other than who they are, will let their guard down. Their real self comes through and people who may have been drawn to her would eventually see the real her and realize she's not what they thought, and drop her.
On your side of it, you may fear too much that others will believe her and ruin your life or at least chances in some things. People have believe some terrible horrible things about me (mistakenly of course) throughout my life. I never let it rattle me. I knew I wasn't jealous, mean, snotty, whatever it was they said of me. If I was, or believed I was, yea, then it would make sense to be upset at someone finding out and/or telling others. So if you have no reason to believe that what she is saying is true, you have no reason to be upset being called something you are not. I hope you see the logic there. Only if you are busy still trying to prove yourself to people will you jump to the bait of taunts and other name calling and actually lose control of your emotions. That then leaves the concern of the other people believing her. If others who really truly know you, would actual fall for her accusation of being jealous and decide not to hang out with you anymore, then she actually did you a favor. Thats a good way to weed out who are your true friends or at least mature friends who will give you the benefit of the doubt and know you well enough to know that is not you or your issue. I know I put in 30 yrs with a ex who did that and more, lots of verbal abuse. At one point my body could no longer handle the stress even if I kept myself mentally stable throughout. The stress has to go somewhere. So depending on how bad the situation is, one problem, can probably be handled, but if she mistreats you in many other ways, it then seriously means deciding wether its worth keeping her in your life or not.

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