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Should I go for it?


Question Posted Saturday July 30 2016, 11:48 pm

I'm 18/f

There's this guy who I see every once in a while and whenever I do he flirts with me. I know for sure he's atleast five years older then me. I do find him attractive though. I'm not experienced when it comes to flirting so I'll need help in that area. But I also need help in figuring out if I should just go for it and see what happens.


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Dragonflymagic answered Saturday August 6 2016, 12:36 am:
Just going for it and seeing what happens is very open ended, just about anything can happen and you may or may not like it.
I think its better to have some basic ideas in your mind first as to what you want in a guy, and what if any boundaries you want in place. Unless of course you have no expectations, and anything at all is okay with you. But keep in mind, this doesn't exclude all the bad possible things that could happen. I see no problem with the age difference and you at 18 are considered old enough to be consenting for sex in case it gets to that point. I know people, including a female relative who at the same age took a few too many risks with guys she didn't realize she didnt know well enough to know any motives behind the friendly polite initial behavior. A guy can seem fine, and be honorable until you take a risk too early on, and agree to go to his place to hang out or a date somewhere no other people are around, real private and tries to proceed to make out, you say no as my relative did, and he instead of respecting your wishes, forces you and that is date rape. I am not saying that just because he's a bit older that may be an intention somewhere in the back of his mind but its just a logical conclusion that a more experienced male wanting sex will attempt to lure a possibly less experienced more naive female.
So if you are wanting to flirt, you may as well learn about body language and such that are also good clues that someone is into you. You can find lots of stuff like that just doing searches on the web and videos on youtube.

If you haven't dated much in the past, it is a good idea to start gaining some experience, once you feel comfortable enough.
At your age, do you want to date guys only for having a social partner to do stuff with, or are you hoping to gain experience and ideas of what kind of man to marry someday. If you want kids someday, is he adverse to having a kid someday, or does he like kids. Is he the responsible type, with a job and his own place, or is he the person who is out of jobs more often than in a job and relies on parents and others to take care of all his needs. You need to let a guy know early on what your boundaries are, this means not only discussing sex boundaries but how he treats you. You may revise as you come across behavior you dont like. Don't be afraid to give a guy an ultimatum if he can't respect you and treat you as you wish to be treated. I learned the hard way with an abusive first husband. But I did learn what to look for and what to avoid from my experiences. A person can't really tell you what a bad trait you dont want, actually looks like but you will know when it happens again and again. If you know you are a strong enough person that you can tell a guy what you are looking for, and what behavior will not be tolerated, or you'll drop him, then you are ready to 'just go for it'.

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