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Older FWB says i don't have to use condoms
I am 24 and work with a hot, hot, hot 41 year old woman. We started a friend with bennies relationship about 5 months ago. We have sex once a week to every other week. She was 2 kids that are in high school. Went we have sex it's mostly at her apartment when her kids are at work or staying the night at their friends house. We have mostly use condoms but their has been one or two times that she says its the safe time of the months and if I can pull out we don't have to use them. A few encounters ago we did not have any condoms so she said to me " that's ok, we can go with out them". I asked he if it was a safe time and she replied " no". I asked her if we would be safe still if I pulled out. She said that I did not have to pull out if I didn't want to. I asked her "what if you get knocked up" She replied " I will have a baby". I was kinda set back but I got turned on right away. The thought of me getting her pregnant was very erotic to me. I asked he if she wanted me to get her pregnant and she said " kinda, but it's not up to me baby. It's up to the man. I was ok with you knocking me up the first time we made love". So we have now had sex five times without birthcontrol and I do not know if I have gotten her pregnant but the more I think about it, I am starting to get cool feet about her having my baby
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"I do not know if I have gotten her pregnant but the more I think about it, I am starting to get cool feet about her having my baby"... if that is the case, follow your instincts. I mean, you can't do anything about the past except express to her how you feel now. You are young, she should respect that. You need to always use condoms with the woman if you do not want to possibly have to pay child support, etc in the future, which it seems you might be thinking about subconsciously. You have to think about your future not just in the heat of the moment, as hard as that can be sometimes. If you want to talk further, do not hesitate to email me.. I have my own advice blog starting. sfwadvice@gmail.com is my email. Best of luck! sfwadvice.wordpress.com
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Hey!
You have to understand (that when you don't use protection) there are a lot more consequences than just getting her pregnant. You have to watch out for STDs as well. If you do get her pregnant ask yourself "Will I be there to support this child financially, and as a father?" Because remember this woman has two kids of her own (probably a single mom) so she already has three mouths to feed, including her own. Also keep in mind raising a child can be very expensive.
Adding on top of all of this, 24 is still a really young age. You can be out doing things you love without a baby being in the way.
So to sum up everything for you. Scan for STDs, use protection, and having a baby can be the biggest mistake/responsibility of your life (in the situation that you're in right now).
Hope this helps!
-Swimmer133
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I have no problem with the age difference or even if both of you are clear of any STD's by proof of testing for that and not using condoms.....but that would be as long as she has taken precautions to not get pregnant again at her age. Either she could get tubes tied or get on the pill, the shot, the patch or some other form of pretty trust worthy birth control. You did say she is a FWB, not your wife or being in a committed long term relationship and friends with benefits doesn't fit in there.
The only commitment there is to being sex partners for the time being. Hey even I as an older woman had a short time FWB with a much younger guy for two months but I was on the pill and was before I met my 2nd husband. She may be older than you but certainly isn't acting wiser. It just occured to me that depending on how old those teens are, she was probably around your age when she started having kids. Do you even know the circumstances of how those pregnancies came into being? Was she married or do both have random fathers from whomever was her sex partner at the time? I don't think she is acting much like a responsible adult.
Just because someone older than you tells you something is going to be okay, do you tend to always just believe what you are fed or told or do you take time to set aside your emotions and feelings and just dig in and investigate things a bit first. I can't imagine a Mom with teens wanting a baby again, but if she does, it shouldn't be by trapping a young man by an 'accident'. The pull out method is the least likely to protect against pregnancy because there is sperm already present in just the pre cum on the tip of penis meant to help lubricate but enough sperm to get a female pregnant. Just because she's past 40 and may have less viable eggs doesnt mean she can't get pregnant. There is an explosion of older couples in their forties in my area walking around strolling a baby in a carriage and the females are way into their forties if not close to 50. I don't get the need to have babies at that age, maybe a career came first.
As for feeling turned on initially...heck yeah, every male who dreams about impregnating a female gets turned on, as long as he's dreaming about a woman he finds sexually desireable. But lots of what men and women fantasize about sexually that turns them on isn't always feasible or even legal in real life and often if the chance to act upon these so called erotic thoughts, comes up, you find that reality...real life situations, responsiblities, legal implications, or even harm to oneself or the other makes it not a good idea after all. Keep your dreams of impregnating an older female inside your mind/head, not the head on your penis and is anything, have a talk with her about seriously getting on pill or getting her tubes tied. YOu may still want to have kids someday and find a wife so a vasectomy isn't a good idea for you. But it would be for her if she wants a sex partner but is being responsible about not becoming pregnant. It doesnt matter what she says, if all she wanted was a sperm donor the cheap way with out the costs of going to a clinic. As as been stated, the law is otherwise, you would be responsible financially for this child for the next couple decades and there is no way of getting out of that no matter what she says right now.
Besides, condoms are protection but not the best, they can tear, slip out of place and I've seen both happen to me however I was on the pill so I couldn't get pregnant. The condoms were for the original use highly taught in media, to use for protection against STD's and even then, it isn't fool proof either. If you want a FWB, my opinion is you must have a very thourogh talk about anything and everything sexual, all the what ifs, protection, and what if something goes wrong.
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Razhie is right for these reasons. While she may be okay with getting pregnant and having a baby there is another side to this. ARE YOU READY FOR FATHERHOOD.
You cannot just knock her up and walk away from this child. In all states you are responsible for this child to different degrees until it reaches the age of 18. This means you must pay child support as ordered by the courts. You must maintain health insurance medical and dental as well as a separate life insurance policy sufficient to cover all of this support.
Something else to consider is her age. She is considered a high risk pregnancy. Not only is the pregnancy a risk to her life but she is more susceptible to deliver a baby with a birth defect. If she did you would be paying more in support and it doesn't necessarily stop at age 18. If something did happen to her during the delivery you could be a single father.
Those are not just the possibilities it is the law in most states. Either go back to using condoms or find a women your own age to date and have sex with. If you have trouble finding women to date I suggest Match.com
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You are starting to get cold feet!? Only just now?
This is INSANE. Stop thinking about what turns you on and start thinking about the next few decades of your life.
This relationship could ruin you. Professionally, romantically, socially... You're done. If this woman wants a sperm donor, she should visit a sperm bank, not entrap a 24-year-old co-worker.
For God's sake run away from this crazy!
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