Member Since: August 26, 2016
Answers: 4
Last Update: August 26, 2016
Visitors: 803
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My boyfriend and I have been together for a while. He's basically the most perfect human being to me. He's smart, he's handsome, he's sweet, and he treats me like royalty! He says all of the right things to me and he makes me feel good. I couldn't ask for anything better. The only issue is...HE SMOKES WEED OCCSSIONALLY! I am one who has morals- I am a virgin, I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't party, etc. I'm not trying to be judgmental, but I don't know how to handle it! It really bothers me and I don't know what to do. Any advice? (link)
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Honestly, if it bothers you... express that to him. If it is the problem that he does it in front of you. Although, you can not ask him to stop doing it overall. His decisions are his decisions. Now, you can ask him to respect that you do not like him doing it near him or before you see him etc. If you would like to go into more detail so I can help you out more specifically... feel free to email me at sfwadvice@gmail.com. I have my own advice website starting up. Best of luck! sfwadvice.wordpress.com.
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I am 24 and work with a hot, hot, hot 41 year old woman. We started a friend with bennies relationship about 5 months ago. We have sex once a week to every other week. She was 2 kids that are in high school. Went we have sex it's mostly at her apartment when her kids are at work or staying the night at their friends house. We have mostly use condoms but their has been one or two times that she says its the safe time of the months and if I can pull out we don't have to use them. A few encounters ago we did not have any condoms so she said to me " that's ok, we can go with out them". I asked he if it was a safe time and she replied " no". I asked her if we would be safe still if I pulled out. She said that I did not have to pull out if I didn't want to. I asked her "what if you get knocked up" She replied " I will have a baby". I was kinda set back but I got turned on right away. The thought of me getting her pregnant was very erotic to me. I asked he if she wanted me to get her pregnant and she said " kinda, but it's not up to me baby. It's up to the man. I was ok with you knocking me up the first time we made love". So we have now had sex five times without birthcontrol and I do not know if I have gotten her pregnant but the more I think about it, I am starting to get cool feet about her having my baby (link)
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"I do not know if I have gotten her pregnant but the more I think about it, I am starting to get cool feet about her having my baby"... if that is the case, follow your instincts. I mean, you can't do anything about the past except express to her how you feel now. You are young, she should respect that. You need to always use condoms with the woman if you do not want to possibly have to pay child support, etc in the future, which it seems you might be thinking about subconsciously. You have to think about your future not just in the heat of the moment, as hard as that can be sometimes. If you want to talk further, do not hesitate to email me.. I have my own advice blog starting. sfwadvice@gmail.com is my email. Best of luck! sfwadvice.wordpress.com
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Two days ago I had a hearing to make a temporary restraining order I had put against my ex permanent.
My ex had stalked me, always showing up up wherever I was and paid somebody to see if I was at my workplace. He called the police and made a fake report to find out if I was at home. He even broke into my apartment and I woke up to him standing over my bed furious.
He threatened to rape and kill me which I had in text messages.
He would chase me if I tried to get away from him and block my way.
He would harass me calling me every minute of the day for hours on end (I have call records of this) and leave me crazy voicemails.
He told me multiple times if I left him he would kill himself and even acted like he was going to jump off the side of the parking garage we were on, one night I was with him if I didn't let him stay the night.
I had evidence for all of this, but the only things the judge would look at were the texts. She didn't look at the call records or the two police reports I brought with me. She would barely let me talk and just acted like it was a bad breakup. His lawyer presented a text I had sent him months ago when we were still together where I sent him a heart and thanked him for sending me cupcakes and she acted like because I stayed with him for four months that it was my fault he did those things to me instead of breaking up with him earlier.
She wound up dismissing the case because she said I had "insufficient evidence" that he would hurt me in the future as he had moved to another state and I've moved to another city, but I still feel like this isn't fair. His lawyer even told me he was having the case sealed so nobody would ever know I tried to take him to court. He got away with everything he did because of a bad judge...
What do you think? (link)
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I mean at this time, I do not know what options you have. If he has moved to another state and you know that for a fact, I know it might still not be fair but that might be better and make you feel a bit safer. I had an ex do the same thing as well but sometimes having a lawyer helps and sometimes the person moving out of state gives the judge the thought of being fair to both parties and dismissing the case. If you still feel unsafe or think he is around you still and want more advice specifically... don't hesitate to email me at sfwadvice@gmail.com. I have my own advice column and would love to help further if I can. Best of luck! sfwadvice.wordpress.com
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22/Female
So my boyfriend of 3 years and I met at our first job at a grocery store. He knew I liked him and asked me out and I said no. I didn't think it would be right, at the time I was incredibly depressed and suicidal. I used to self harm, mainly cut and hit myself. But he wore me down, I told him about all of my struggles and self hate issues, and he said he said he wanted to be there for me, and that he liked me.
Fast forward to now, I have been hospitalized for overdosing with intent to kill myself twice. I'd been caught 2 times, tried 4 times. It's been a long journey, and it's far from over but I'm loads better. The problem now is our relationship, and I knew this might happen, but I sometimes feel as though my BF doesn't respect me, or see me or my opinions as equal. As if he's still in caretaker mode. It's not the same as before, it's changed considerably but bits of the dynamic are still there, and I feel like it gets in the way of my progress. What makes it more prominent is that I'm living with him and his parents (my parents no longer wanted my depression in their house so they booted me out) and that I had to quit my job because I was having panic attacks at work (I stayed at that hellhole job for too long, it was for the best). His family is extremely loud and stressful, and is definitely holding me back psychologicaly- but being jobless for now it's my only option. I don't feel like I can work again till I lose the weight I've gained due to stress, and I can fit in my office clothes again.
Anyway, we had a long talk about this and he admitted that subconsciously he may see me as someone to take care of, so he accidentally brushes off my opinions and things, I.e. when we visit my dog at my mom's house. I'll tell my BF I don't want my dog around when we eat food since he just begs, and he brushes off what I say like "it's no big deal," and calls the dog over and gives him food. It's a bunch of little stuff like that everyday that just builds and builds until I get pissed off and snap. He's also made a habit of blaming my anger at him on something else. Like, when I get mad about the dog stuff, he says that I'm just anxious from having to be at my parents' house (reminds me about them ganging up on me and kicking me out) and that I'm just taking it out on him. I'll try to tell him it's about what I'm telling him about, but he dismisses it. It happens at his house and other places too. We kind of ended our heart-to-heart with him saying he's not used to being the one who has to work on himself. That he notices my progress all the time, but that his problems are still there. Mine were the spotlight in the relationship, but now his are coming to light. He admitted that his mom made him lose a little respect for women.
Today we got in a little fight. We went to visit my dog, we've been teaching him to run alongside us on our bikes. My dog's been doing very well, but this was only our 2nd time doing this so I said please stay in the subdivision, don't go in the busy road. Guess where he goes? "I'm taking him to go potty!" Has to cross a really dangerous intersection. I was steamed, after I said "I don't get why you can't respect when I say 'I don't like this, please don't do it.'" He argued a bit and admitted I was right, but later kept doing things like that, so I stopped talking to him and now we're home and I went to my room.
I don't know what to do. I know I want to be with him, we've talked about marriage since year 1 of our relationship. But I feel like he's getting tired of me "yelling" at him/scolding him and it doesn't help anymore. He just accuses me of having too much anger and taking it out on him. I've thought about moving out and giving him space, but I'm jobless. I'D have to lose 100 lbs before I could fit in my job clothes again. I'm doing good on my diet now but it's going to be a while. Then I'D have to find a job where I could even afford a place. We fight so much nowadays. I'm just overwhelmed and I feel... stuck.
Does anyone relate, or have some insight to our situation? Any advice would be appreciated.
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Oh girl, I feel you on this. I was in a very similar situation myself. I had a boyfriend for about 2 years on and off. We recently broke up and I still miss him at times. Although, you said a few things that might trigger your true feelings on the back and forth you keep doing in your mind... "I sometimes feel as though my BF doesn't respect me" and "I'll try to tell him it's about what I'm telling him about, but he dismisses it" etc about him. These types of things you have to keep your head wrapped around, no matter how much love you have for him. At this point, your recovery and health seem like they are really important to you. Anxiety seems like a big thing you struggle with as I do as well. Sometimes you have to evaluate the things that give you certain levels of anxiety that you know you don't want to live with and decide whether you need to phase them out of your life or not. Maybe create a pros and cons list about being with your BF. It was probably one of the hardest things I have ever done breaking up with my BF this time especially since he was the first true BF I gave everything I had emotionally and more to... but I know it is better for my future, my health and my goals. This might not be your conclusion but I am just sharing my experience with you. I understand the feeling of being "stuck". That is how I felt living in my hometown where I didn't have much for me anymore but I lived with my mom who paid for everything, it was just easier. I ended up saving up just enough for the move to my apartment and went over to a temp agency and got a job. I am now in the process of doing that and it feels great! Now, for the weight thing, I am overweight and had the same problem with gaining weight and not fitting in work clothes. My advice for that is finding a job that you wear comfortable clothes like a warehouse job etc. Or do what I did, I applied for a credit card (could be a store one or a regular one) and bought the bare minimum and went to the job agency and got an office job. You always have options, just have to find clarity and decide what those options are for yourself. I really hope this helps. I have my own advice website I am starting up and I have my own email if you would like to respond back. sfwadvice@gmail.com. Best of luck!
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