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humorist-workshop
hi female 19
hi so there is this guy at my church and i think he likes me, i am not sure but he gives off a very big vibe. I have always thought of giving him head, or just giving him a hand job. The thing is i have known him forever and we have never really done anything past flirt. but i wanna try him, i want to do little things that will make him get an instant hard on, but i dont want it to be too obvious because i dont want to automatically be rejected.I just wanna see him pop a boner for me and then see where it goes after that
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
All I know from what you wrote is that you are a 19 yr old female who is having lots of sexual thoughts about this guy.
Going on that alone, here's what I can say:
If you are looking for only a sex partner, then its a good idea to have sex with someone who is mutually physically attracted to you as well. When I was your age, I was pretty mature but lacking life knowledge and experience and the only way to get that is by the trials and errors of your experiences. As long as you think about, and dream about this, nothing is going to happen. So you'd have to make some first steps.
Now from my own life experience, here's something to think about. The majority of churches are into preaching against anything of a sexual nature unless it is missionary position sex between a husband and wife. Everything else is frowned upon. Church leadership and parents blindly follow any doctrines on sex. Not saying everyone in church is like this, but some people have gone against what their parents think about sex outside of marriage, while others accept and believe it. I have witnessed a couple married who had never even kissed. Their first kiss was when the preacher said you may now kiss your bride and she fainted from fear before he could do that. Months later, the marriage was annulled cus they'd never had sex because of distorted fears of sex from their indoctrination. Keep in mind this guy may be brainwashed and not willing to. However, its more likely that a male who is approached by a gal who wants sex doesn't have to be convinced as long as her looks are appealing to him. He doesn't even have to like or love her.
The girls I know who thought that the best way to securing a guys interest in her totally as a whole person, loving her in all ways, not just with sex, were disappointed when they decided to put sex first.
Sex doesn't make a guy fall for you in like or in love. Psychologists who understand the differences between men and women are aware of this. You need to be too.
So if you want him only for sex, you'll have to just figure out on your own what you want to say when you approach him.
I am a person who believes the more subtle approach is better.
Approach this guy as a friend, befriending him first...even tho we know that most likely all along you'll be thinking sexual things about him and hey, guys do that naturally anyways. The thing we all need to remember is that as humans, its okay to have sexual desires, but not always okay or the right person or right timing to act upon it, so we need to control our impulses.
If you know how to walk up to a person and start a convo with them, you're on your way. If you need pointers, think of a topic of conversation that refers to the place or moment you find yourself in, so if at church, ask open ended questions about something related to church, or college if you attend the same one. Closed end questions are ones that can be answered yes or no and after that the chat can dead end. Keep the convo going long enough so you can say at the end that you've enjoyed talking to him and would like to do that more. Ask for and trade cell numbers and think of a regualr, non sexual activity you could invite him on, picnic, bike ride, to a movie, out to dinner, and take the time to get to really know him. The more time spent talking, you can have a good idea of who he is depending on how often and how long you talk. I talked on the phone with my 2nd husband for a week and half, every evening for hours and by the end had a good feeling for who he was as a person. It could be at this point you ask a question of who he thinks would make the perfect girlfriend. Tell him what you think makes the perfect boyfriend. Just don't make your first questions anything sexual. That only works with guys who are players and always looking for their next one night stand. But the good guys who'll make good bf and husbands, often can be put off by a girl who comes on too strong as far as being the initiator of sex by kissing and touching intimately and saying, I want you to take me to bed, or have sex with me.
If he's the kind of guy who wants a gal who he can love for more than her body, like her character and personality, then it could be a turn off. That's why I suggest taking the time to get to know him. If he doesn't respond to your friend overturess and seem to be equally interested in calling you first sometimes, and showing by body language and flirting that he's interested in you as more than a friend, then you may not want to push it. It can be embarassing and hurtful to be rejected sexually. So look for clues and just don't go there, no matter how much desire you have for sex with him if all the signs point to him not really being interested in you that way. And I would try to keep it all as secret as possible if either he or you have parents, family who are very strict religiously and have sex phobia's. You don't need the stress of them badgering you misguidedly about sexual sins and such.
As for signs that a person is turned on/horny, females get wet, males get boners. The only ones that are detectable thru clothing is the males. However, keep in mind dear, as men get quite a bit older in age, they can be very turn on but there may not be the evidence of a boner. When a guy is hard, he is ready for sex. But also keep in mind, many young males do not realize that females need lots more time than males to be ready to take in a penis. So wanting to see where things go after a guys gets a boner, depends on whether he's a gentleman and knows how to hold back his desire or a user who acts on his desires or a rapist who also acts on his desires. A boner isn't a guarantee the man loves you just as the lack of one doesnt mean he isn't desiring you and needing lots more time to get hard.
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