NinjaNeer's advice column

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Q: My mum and I just had a big argument.. we NEVER fight, but when we do it's pretty bad. Anyway, I told her I hadn't been sleeping lately, like it takes me hours to get to sleep because I'm doing year 12 and I'm very stressed. I have trouble concentrating at school and I'm having difficulty doing my work because of lack of sleep (I get 5 or 6 hours at most, but usually less). I asked her if maybe I could see a doctor or get something at the drugstore to help me sleep, and she got REALLY angry at me, saying it was my fault for not concentrating and that I was selfish and that there's nothing a doctor could give me ever so I just had to deal with it. She also made fun of me and acted like it was no big deal. Well, I know it's nothing serious, but I thought I could just ask her if there's anything I could get. I felt very hurt that she treated me like that when I thought I could rely on her to help me out. Now I'm starting to think that maybe it IS my fault, and she was right.

What do you guys think of this? We haven't spoken since then. Was I really making a big deal over nothing? Is my mum right? She's usually very wise, but I still feel kinda bad she said that to me. Is it really true that there's nothing you can for insomnia?
I will rate.

Well, I hate to break it to you, but if you're going to university next year, you're going to be sleeping even less! It's not good to rely on medication, since you develop a dependence.

She did treat you kind of rudely about it, but she is right, even if she didn't get her message across in the most appropriate way.

Q: can anyone tell me what to pursue career in game designing & development.

Pretty much, you can get into the graphics end, which is generally a college course, or you can get into programming, also a college course, or there is an option (at least at my school) of a university degree in software engineering and game design, which is more like planning how the game will work, rather than doing the gritty work like graphics and programming; this is a university course, and I'm not sure if it's offered at most schools.

Hope I helped a little!

Q: hi i'm 13 years old, almost 14..and i've never been kissed before in my life. not on the cheeks or lips or ANYWHERE! and i've never even had a boyfriend in my life either. but i want one SO badly! i dont care if my first kiss isnt "real" or whatever..i just want puppy love! i dont care! i just want it to happen..i dream about it so much everynight. and i feel like such a loser because it feels as if every other 13-14 year old girl in the world has been kissed except me. even some of my more unattractive friends have...idk. i dont think i'm hideous or fat or mean or any of hte above...but i dont know ..something about me must turn guys off..just please help idk what to do. and if i'm ever going to get my first kiss soon

I had my first kiss when I was 15... you're not that late, and the more you worry about and obsess over it, the less likely guys will be to want to kiss you :P

Just relax, what happens happens, you're not going to die anytime soon...

Q: ok i am 13 female and i am very mature for my age. i mean mentally and physically. when it comes to actually having sex i dont want to do it but i love to masturbate. i was wondering how do i control my "needs" to masturbate? if i was to get caught i would be in sooooo much trouble. so please help me contain my urges.
thanks in advance. i rate high for good answers.

Just don't get caught! Masturbation is wonderful... it's fun, gets rid of pent-up tension, and if you know what you like, then you're more likely to enjoy sex when you do end up having it!

There's no need to contain your urges unless it's really interfering with your life.

:)

Q: Alright, I am a sophomore in high school but I have been researching information on various colleges. There a quite a lot of terms & other stuff of that sort that don't exactly make sense to me. Therefore, I'm hoping maybe some people who are in college or who know this information could help me, I'd really appreciate it.
Ok, this is about financial aid...
*What is the difference between: Federal Grants, State Grants, Institutional Grants, & Loans?
*Generally how do most people do college? For example do most people start off taking basic REQUIRED classes & THEN take majors of their choice?

-->Just any personal information or advice on college & searching for the right college in general would be so helpful!
Thanks for your time!!!

Well, I know nothing about grants, etc, because I'm Canadian... we have a different system :) BUT I do know that grants are generally money that you are given; a loan means that you have to pay that money back.

Pretty much, you apply to the universities you want to apply to, for the subjects you're interested in. You select your courses after you're accepted and have accepted a university's offers... you pick your major within your faculty (usually, because some schools don't have a common first year) when you are getting into second year.

Make sure that you visit (if possible) all of the schools that you apply to, because if you're living on campus in residence, you want to make sure it's a place you like; even if you're not living on campus, you're going to be there for several years, so you really want to be happy and comfortable there.

Take advantage of any resources like pre-entry mentors (I know my school offers mentoring services for incoming first years) and make sure that your decision is well-informed.

Good for you, getting to know what you're getting into :)

Q: 13/F

Ok so my cousin who by the way is 2years younger than me said he liked me. He is on my step-dad's side so he isn't blood related or anything but do you think it gay? I don't like him he's just my fave cousin.

Well, it wouldn't be gay, since you're of opposite sexes... what it is is incestuous :) He's probably just a little confused, that's all!

Q: ok so next weekend is Easter and everything. My family gets together(my dad's side)and we hunt eggs and everything. This year I envited my friend's family over. By the way they are mexicans no problem right? Well my cousin thinks Mexicans are unsophisticated and immature. Plus the fact that I white and I go over to they're house all the time and their granfather calls me a mexican. to be specific White Mexican. that's gonna make her mad...what can I do?

Well, just let your cousin see that Mexicans are a wonderful people :) Then she has no reason to be racist against them.

Q: ok so im going to be 18 in about 9 weeks time and im thinking all my friends well apart from a few have all had sex even ones who are younger than me am i getting to old and whats the right age to have sex?? I would have had sex but my bf says he loves me but i do not trust him its like when we are away from each other he never contacts me or cares about me my question is shall i wait until the right one comes along to lose my virginity? thank you in advance.x

First of all, you're not too old... I was nearly 18 when I lost my virginity, and I think that it was even too early then, based on my experiences since then.

Sex is a HUGE responsibility, and you want to be sure that you're sharing with someone you really care about. It's an amazing connection you get when you're having sex with someone (especially your first time) and you don't want to waste that.

Q: i dont find black girls attractive, does that mean i'm a racist? is it juss subconscious racism?

You're no more racist than me! I find I'm just not attracted to blondes; it doesn't mean I'm racist :P Everyone has personal preferences, and yours just lead you to non-black girls :)

Q: I want to buy birth control, but the thing is im kind of young and my parents can't know. If i buy it alone at like the CVS or Walmart, is it possible thatthe sales clerk will stop me from buying it?

Well, I would really reconsider having sex if you're under 16... it's a huge thing, and you have to be able to deal with the consequences if something goes wrong.

That aside, you can buy VCF (vaginal contraceptive film), condoms, and spermicide over the counter; oral contraceptives must be prescribed to you.

Q: i am 14 and my chest is big im dd and feel horible. like if everyone was always staring at me anybody have any ideas on how to feel better about myself

Now, what I don't get is why everyone's telling you to cover up in loose clothing or try to reduce your size.

This is all about being comfortable with who you are! I'm a DD too, and I know what it's like to feel like people are staring. Just ignore it! I try to wear flattering clothes, nothing too low-cut, but I don't go concealing myself in loose clothes like I'm ashamed.

This is the way you were made, and it's beautiful! Be proud! And definitely don't feel like you have to make yourself smaller for the world, because you don't.

Q: Can anyone on here tell me they know the feeling of absolute despair? That's what I've been going through for the past several months. The past week has been really bad. I haven't been able to think, to focus, to sleep, even to talk is hard because I can't seem to put words behind it. Even my schoolwork is suffering. In my English class for an in-class essay, I couldn't write it. I just couldn't get past the prompt "Choose a novel or play in which a character experiences a point of no return in his life, where his life will never be the same again, and explain its impact on the character." I just couldn't write about that because it so closely paralelled what I'm going through right now.
Please don't think I'm just some 13 year old girl who needs to rebell. I'm 17 and I'm graduating at the end of this year, and everything in my life has been coming to a head. My schoolwork is suffering because I can't seem to find the passion that I used to have for seeking out knowledge, my home life is hell because my mom is emotionally and sometimes physically abusive, and she's trying to block my entrance into college in the fall. I just feel like everything's falling apart and I can't get through this time.
I feel an intense desire to just quit life, to seek out the absolution of death, just to escape the hell I'm living right now. But I'm too afraid to do it. I can't just draw a razor across my wrist. I've already talked to people about this, my high school principal, the director of social services, and a really big source of support has been my boyfriend. But I can't do this anymore, I can't drag anyone else into it, I can't talk one more time and force myself to think about my pitiful excuse for a life and how badly I've screwed things up.
If you've stuck with my ramblings this far thank you. I would really, really appreciate any advice.
Thank you.

I went through the same thing last year (I am just finishing up my first year of university). It's a really hard point in your life, being on the verge of heading into the unknown.

First of all, go to college, no matter what your mother says. You have to make choices for yourself; explain to her that she has to let you make these decisions yourself, that it's a very important part of your life and it means a lot to you.

Just keep going, as hard as things are now, they will get better. I was having panic attacks, depressive bouts, and insomnia before moving away, and now that it's over, I feel entirely at home and relieved.

I understand the suicidal feelings but the inability to do it, and the anger that comes with the feeling of helplessness in your situation. All I can say is to keep on going, it'll all be worth it in the end.

Q: when yur nippls burn and hurt does this mean their growing or their just too cold? lol just wondering thanks!!!!

I find that mine get sore when I'm PMSing...

Q: ohk, im 5'0, 140 ilbs gorgous face,tan skin... im really pretty, everyone tells me ... its just the weight. i have my hair how everyoone does there hair. i dont like to where my hair up in a pony, cause it doesnt look right. i want to get my hair how like all the teenagers have there hair, straightened and up in a messy bun my hair is to my sholders. how can i make myself really atractive, & tell me how to loose weight, i want all of this done by the summer, and if thats not possible then by aaugest? thanks

Sounds to me like you're already attractive. Weight isn't as big an issue as you may think; I'm 185 pounds, and I still think I'm beautiful! Don't lose weight to impress men, because at this point in time (I'm guessing you're in high school) all they want is what they see on TV and in magazines, because they don't know any better. Real men know that a girl with a lil padding is a hot girl... all the guys I know HATE scrawny girls!

Be happy with what you look like, and remember to put as much emphasis on improving yourself from the inside as you do the outside!

A note: thank you for the 5 rating, but that wasn't very nice :( I guess you're not as beautiful as you sound! Beauty really does come from within, and calling me ugly shows exactly how 'ugly' your personality is! Superficiality gets you nowhere in life.

Q: Okay, my room is extremely messy..nothing is clean..and i feel like i cant do anything else until i get my room clean..so the problem is I HATE HATE HATE cleaning...esp. my room because it seems like a lost cause..to kinda give you an idea..i have a king size bed and there are clothes, magazines, and a bunch of other stuff on there that shouldnt be..the problem is i dont know where to start...should i start by putting away my clothes? picking up things on the floor or picking up trash or what? Thanks so much in advance!

I just did my spring cleaning today! (I live in a double dorm room away from home, so you can imagine what a nightmare that was!)

What I recommend is starting in one corner, working your way around. First, clear off and make your bed, because it'll give you room to pile stuff. Then pick everything up off the floor and put it on your bed, and start sorting! Make a pile of laundry on your floor, put clean clothes away, and make a pile of papers and stuff to sort at the end. Once your floor is cleaned off, give it a good vacuuming, and you're done!

Not as bad as it sounds :P

Q: my parents will not let me get a cell phone! i said i would pay the bill every month and also i need it! i am sick of using the dumb broken pay phone at school literally everyday to call my parents.. and when im places with friends and etc im embarrsesed cause i always have to use their phones or use, yay, A PAY PHONE! even my friends that have the most strictest old fashion parents have cell phones! how can i convince my parents that i really need a cell phone!

Silly questions...

a) Why do you NEED a cell-phone? I don't have one, I'm 18 and living away from home :\ I think it's really more of a status symbol until you're actually driving.

b) Pay phones work just fine.

c) Why do you call your parents every day from school? I didn't know ANYBODY in high school who did...

I think that it's going to be hard to convince your parents that you need a cell phone, just try to convince them that you would be responsible for it. :)

Q: I really wanna bf! Im pretti, not gorgeous, nice body, pretti outgoin and fun! I talk 2 guys and flirt, but how do I develop it in2 somethin "more"? How do i get guys 2 like me? ill rate for answers. thx in advance.

This is where I always wonder what on earth girls are taught about how to get guys to like them. I noted that the first thing you tell about yourself is your appearance! Honestly, as long as you're neat and presentable, it doesn't matter so much what you look like, or how good your body is...

As long as you have a good personality, and drop the "I want a bf" attitude, good things will happen to you! The good guys will like you for who and what you are, so don't go acting otherwise just to please them, because they don't know what they want yet.

:)

Q: I'm an 18 year old female, and a nymphomaniac. It might be a little extreme to call it that, but I do think about sex too much and want it way too often. I think it makes it hard for my boyfriend to take me seriously if I'm mad at him for something while still wanting sex.

The real issue here though is that I'm going off to college in August and won't be able to get laid for a while, since my boyfriend and I are breaking up when we go to our separate schools. I know there are plenty of ready and willing guys in college, but I'd rather not take the promiscuous route, if you know what I mean. So... what do I do in the mean time to keep from that temptation? How do you (the older, more experienced people I am aiming this at) get through bouts of sexual hiatus without going nuts and going into slut mode?

Don't I know what it's like... I went for 5 months without after breaking up with my bf in October (long-distance really doesn't work, trust me, university changes EVERYTHING, so you're on the right route!).

Go to your nearest sex shop and ask the salespeople for help! Weird as that may sound, you'll get the best toy for your price range and needs... might I suggest a Rabbit? They ARE as amazing as they sound... lol.

Also, watch how much you drink, because inhibitions fly out the window, so you might do things you'd regret.

Good luck! :)

Q: okay theres this guy back home, i love him so much and we are planning on getting married and starting a family. im dating another guy here at home, but the guy who isnt here is in my old state, and we are wanting to get together in the summer, and right now he wants to build up a long distance relationship. the guy im with now, things arnt working out. the guy, from the other state is an ex, but we broke up on good terms, over drama in like high school. im so confused, because i dont want to hurt the guy im with. he cries whenever something doesnt go his way, and the guy SWEARS he is in love with me and wants me to be his wife. i just dont know, im in love with someone else. i dont know what to do. PLEASE HELP! =(

If thngs aren't working with the guy you're with, end it, and fast! You don't want to toy with the poor guy's emotions. It's not good to get roped into a relationship because of pity, ESPECIALLY if you're planning another relationship now.

Q: Ok guys...well you see...I think I might be pregnant....I haven't had my period since like Feb. so I'm pretty sure I am..but my problem is..that I'm 15 and my boyfriend is 19, and I really actually want this baby, because ya know if I was able to lay down and have unprotected sex..then I am able to take care of my baby...but, I'm just afraid that my mom is going to freak out and call the cops on my boyfriend and he is going to get thrown in jail because of the age difference. I'm so confused and I don't want an abortion and my boyfriend (whom I love) to be in jail...so, if any one has any advice..it is GREATLY appreciated!!!!

Just a warning, it's not illegal because of the age difference, it's illegal because it's considered statutory rape. There would likely be trouble.

Also consider, are you emotionally ready to have a baby? It's a much bigger thing than you might think. Is it going to be a good environment to raise a child in?

You say you're able to take care of your baby, but are you financially self-sufficient? Can you support the baby, instead of your parents having to?

These are all things to keep in mind, good luck though!

bio

My Personal Forum

My name is Amanda and I'm 26 years old. I'm currently studying electrical engineering. Armed with a fairly odd sense of humour and a sunny outlook on life, I'll take on just about anything. I'm also cussedly stubborn, which has its ups and downs. Things get tough sometimes, and I've never been one to run from it.

In my last 8 years with Advicenators, I've gone from honours student to failing out of university (and getting back on top again!), from single to married, from tenant to homeowner.

Until lately, I have been struggling with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder and OCD, which had basically ruined my life and taken just about everything from me. I'm thankful every day for every experience I've had because of this ordeal, because it's helped to make me who I am today. Things like that really make you appreciate what you do have. Now that I'm back in work and school and starting to become myself again, I couldn't be happier. I credit Advicenators with saving my life back when I was a teenager, which is a big part of why I'm still here.

I won't necessarily give you the answers you want to hear, but I'll always be honest and do my best to help.