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Despairing
Can anyone on here tell me they know the feeling of absolute despair? That's what I've been going through for the past several months. The past week has been really bad. I haven't been able to think, to focus, to sleep, even to talk is hard because I can't seem to put words behind it. Even my schoolwork is suffering. In my English class for an in-class essay, I couldn't write it. I just couldn't get past the prompt "Choose a novel or play in which a character experiences a point of no return in his life, where his life will never be the same again, and explain its impact on the character." I just couldn't write about that because it so closely paralelled what I'm going through right now.
Please don't think I'm just some 13 year old girl who needs to rebell. I'm 17 and I'm graduating at the end of this year, and everything in my life has been coming to a head. My schoolwork is suffering because I can't seem to find the passion that I used to have for seeking out knowledge, my home life is hell because my mom is emotionally and sometimes physically abusive, and she's trying to block my entrance into college in the fall. I just feel like everything's falling apart and I can't get through this time.
I feel an intense desire to just quit life, to seek out the absolution of death, just to escape the hell I'm living right now. But I'm too afraid to do it. I can't just draw a razor across my wrist. I've already talked to people about this, my high school principal, the director of social services, and a really big source of support has been my boyfriend. But I can't do this anymore, I can't drag anyone else into it, I can't talk one more time and force myself to think about my pitiful excuse for a life and how badly I've screwed things up.
If you've stuck with my ramblings this far thank you. I would really, really appreciate any advice.
Thank you.
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
You need to get help. You should go to a psychologist who will help you with your problems and possibly put you on antidepressants.
And I know what you mean by the "13 year old girl who needs to rebel" comment, but for future reference, you should not judge people just because they are young. I am fourteen and clinically depressed and even very young children can have depression.
Check out www.coolnurse.com. They have a very good section on depression.
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Hi there,
I think I actually felt your pain when I read your question. Please, please, please, get help. You have the classic signs of depression (I know, because I have been diagnosed with clinical depression).
I have been on medication for years now, and it DOES help. Counselling wouldn't hurt either. People tend to be ashamed about mental issues that they are having. This really is too bad, because mental health is just as important as physical health...if not more.
Good for you for talking to people about it. It sounds like your mother is not someone whom you should talk to about this. If she's abusive then she doesn't have your best interests at heart. The best thing you could probably do is go away to college or university somewhere else, to get away from your abusive situation.
You are an intelligent person, who can beat this...you can come out on top. Let me know if there's anything else I can help with. Take care, and remember...YOU are important, YOU have the right to be healthy, YOU have the right to live life to the fullest.
Brenda
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Dear Desparing,
Hey, I know the feeling of "everything falling apart." I, too, have had a number of enexpected upheavals in my life lately; for one, I got laid-off! It's something that we all go through, so it seems.
I do try and remind myself that real "hell" would be surviving hurricane Katrina only to become homeless and left with nothing! Or, like the son of Christopher & Dana Reeves, have both parents die within 18 months of each other! Yes, I guess there are many levels of "hell," right?
Nonetheless, it sounds like maybe you need to try something out of the ordinary (something you'd not normally do). What if you spent some time (1 or 2 x's a week) doing something (anything) for someone else? Yes, this would take the focus off you for a while, and hey, who knows it might help! At a minimum, you would not have to think about your situation at all duing this time.
For example, there is an 85 year old woman I know who lives (alone) near me, and although she has a large family, they don't look in on her very often. One day I took her some chili I'd made, and I noticed that her front room was a disaster! After asking her, I straightened and vacuumed her livingroom. It didn't take long at all, and boy oh boy did it put a smile on her face!
Yes, I'm still unemployed, but for a while I got to think about how someone else was feeling. Call me crazy, but it just might help!
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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I went through the same thing last year (I am just finishing up my first year of university). It's a really hard point in your life, being on the verge of heading into the unknown.
First of all, go to college, no matter what your mother says. You have to make choices for yourself; explain to her that she has to let you make these decisions yourself, that it's a very important part of your life and it means a lot to you.
Just keep going, as hard as things are now, they will get better. I was having panic attacks, depressive bouts, and insomnia before moving away, and now that it's over, I feel entirely at home and relieved.
I understand the suicidal feelings but the inability to do it, and the anger that comes with the feeling of helplessness in your situation. All I can say is to keep on going, it'll all be worth it in the end.
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Wow. It really sounds like you're going through a rough period. It is really too bad that the person that is supposed to be supportive and help you through this rough time is one of the persons who is causing you distress by emotionally and physically abusing you. Not only that, she is trying to stop you from going to college.
It is really like you are at a fork in the road and you don't know which one to take. Opening one door could mean that others would be closed. It seems like you are paralyzed because you are afraid of making the wrong decision and having to live with it for the rest of your life. Just remember that when doors close, it does not mean that they are closed for good. If your mom is trying to stop you from going to college, maybe your schoolwork is suffering because you feel it's pointless to work hard at school if you're not going onto college.
You say that you can't bring anybody else into this and can't talk about it anymore. But it sounds like you have a very supportive boyfriend. Don't push him away because he doesn't know how to help. Instead, thank him for his support.
You may also want to seek out a therapist. Many people who think that their lives are "pitiful" will seek out the absolution of death. Just the fact that you have written this message tells me that you don't want that to be the answer. Suicide can also be used as a way to get even with the people who have hurt them during life. People think that after they commit suicide, that people will feel bad and feel sorry for what they have done to them, but instead, often people are angry with the person who commits suicide. Usually, the person who commits suicide is not mourned, and often nobody attends the funeral.
Please take my advice and seek out a therapist. It just sounds like there is a lot of underlying issues that can burden you well after you have resolved your current situation. Also, you have some support, use them as well.
I hope that you are not offended by my comments. I am well intentioned. If you feel that I don't know what I'm talking about, just disregard my comments. I hope this helps. Take care of yourself.
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Well you can give up on life, you need to try. Try talking to one of your friends and see if they can help.
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