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Born in Vietnam, live in Minneapolis, MNOccupation:
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April 8, 2006Answers:
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Hi, My name is Thanh. I am a 27 year old man with a BA in psychology and halfway through an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy. I was a student therapist at a family center for six months. Ask me about mental health issues, interpersonal relationships (including love life, family issues, friendships, work/school relationships, etc.), GLBT issues, and culinary topics. I enjoy cooking and food and hope to have my own restaurant someday.
advice
I am a type 1 diabetic and have been since I was 14. Everthing is going good with my diabetes, but I am at an age where I will be looking at colleges and jobs. Does anyone know if there are special forms to fill out on applications? And if I am going to work, how do I inform my (potential) boss that I have special health issues?
I am not a human resources representative, so I am not an expert on this topic. However, I have been a supervisor for various different agencies over the last 5 years. Based on my knowledge, an employer may not ask a potential employee about health issues, disabilities, etc., prior to making a decision on whether to hire you or not. When an employer contacts you to make a job offer to you, that is when you should discuss your condition/concerns. Once you have been offered employment and have disclosed your information to the employer, the ADA or Americans with Disabilities Act will protect you in the following way: If there are reasonable accomodations that the employer can make so that you can do the job in question, then they cannot refuse you that job. For instance, because of your diabetes, you may need to take insulin shots, or keep snacks nearby. The employer would need to allow you breaks and a private area to self-administer your shots, etc. However, if after disclosing the information and the accomodations needed are not reasonable, than the employer has the right to retract their offer. If you feel that your rights were violated in this process, than contact an authority figure like your parents, an attorney, or an advocacy group. Your diabetes would most like not pose a problem though.
If someone I interviewed told me that they had diabetes, I wouldn't even care. I hope that helps. Good luck on your job search!!! -Thanh
alright well my best friend likes the guy i like. but the guy talks to me more. i liked him first and started talking to him first and now she likes him too. shes done this before too. she gets like every guy she wants. well i invited this guy to hang out and party with all my friends and he said yes. but im afraid that once we get there my friend will hang all over him and flirt with him. thats what she does to hook the guys that she wants. but i really like him and i already tried explaining that to her but she says that i talk to alot of guys and that she should get him. i dont even talk to alot of guys. i dont want him to start liking her which im afraid he will if she flirts with him at the party. im kind of shy and not as crazy as her. what should i do to make sure this guy doesnt start liking her and gets to know me better?
It sounds like you have a pretend friend, because friends don't steal their friends' boyfriends or crushes. Unless there is a good reason to keep this other girl as a friend, I would just stop hanging out with her. You don't have to have a falling out or a fight, but just stop hanging out with her, or inviting her to do things. You don't have to even stop being friendly with her. If you are hanging out with your real friends, and she is around, you can decide to stay or leave. You can choose to tell, your other real friends about her and that you would prefer not to be around her. Pushing this too far and making this other person angry may cause bouts of retalliation like spreading rumors about your falling out with her, other rumors, etc.
Now onto the other issue. There is a boy that you like who likes you back. Why not invite him out to something more private like going to get coffee or a movie. You may even want to invite a select few people that you trust. You can tell them not to tell others about your plans to ensure that it doesn't get back to the pretend friend. -Thanh
My general disclaimer:
Any advice given is based on the limited information you were willing to share. Ultimately, you are the one with the most information about your situation and the best one to make a decision about it. I hope this helps. Good luck and feel free to keep me updated on the situation, give me further information, or ask me further questions about the same situation. I'd love to hear how everything turns out. -Thanh
So I like this guy in my last class but he has a girlfriend. But he hits on me all the time. Today his hands were never in appropiate places (i was willing so it wasnt like he was being a dick) But he still has a girlfriend. PROBLEM. I also like my ex-boyfriend.. i hit on him a lot but not so much with him hitting on me. I think if i tried i could get this guy back, he was really great. But I dont know what to do. One has a gf the other i've already dated!
Let me address the two issues seperately. Let's take the first guy who hits on you who also has a girlfriend. Put yourself in his girlfriend's shoes. A guy who is dating you but hits on other girls. At any moment he could dump you and date someone else, or worse yet, will date other girls behind your back. Is this someone you want to date? If this is okay with you, and you trust him and are up to the challenge, then he would be a good choice. If you wouldn't trust him, would feel disrespected by someone who hits on other girls while he is dating you, etc., then he may not be the right choice for you.
Ok, let's move onto the other guy, the ex. Isn't there a reason you guys broke up in the first place? Who did the dumping? If he did the dumping, and then he is not responding to you when you hit on him, then you need to take a hint and leave him alone. A man does not respect women who are desperate. If you did the dumping, and then have changed your mind are hitting on him, he may not repond because he is resentful. Nobody likes someone who keeps changing their minds. If this is the case then he may be resentful or may not respect you. This is not good either. If it was a mutual decision and you both were in agreement that the relationship should end, and you guys left on good terms, then this would be your best bet. Be careful of falling into the on again off again relationship though.
All in all, neither may be good choices for you, but at the core, you really are the one with the most information about your situation, and the best one to decide. Any advice you are given is based on the limited information you are willing to share. Good luck, and feel free to share with me the outcome. I'd love to hear how things turn out. -Thanh
Ok so I came out to my family and friends three years ago. I haven't "liked" any specific guys before or had crushed on them or thought they were hot or anything (like I look at pictures in magazines of naked guys and I think the photography is good and they look "nice" but I do that with girls too) and I always had "crushes" on girls and thought they were hot.
So last year I started dating a girl a year older than me (I was 18 and she was 19) and we used to get sexual and stuff but it never felt right. It would get really heated while we were having sex but I didn't like being with her like holding hands and stuff and didn't consider us a couple. Eventually we broke up because of it and I figured maybe we didn't have any chemistry.
So a few months ago, I met this chick and she's the same age as me (19) and we got to know each other and we started going out. The same thing happened to me only we didn't even have sex yet. It just didn't feel "right". I didn't feel like I should be with a woman.
I am so confused now. I'm a nineteen year old female and I'm not attracted to -anyone-. Is there something wrong with me? I'm not bi. I'm not straight. I'm not even gay. I don't understand. Is this just me? Because I want to be close to someone and be in a relationship but I don't feel like I should be with guys -or- girls!
Maybe you have a warped expectaion of how love or attraction should be. If your expectations are too high, than anything less would be disappointing. Hollywood would have us all beleive that love is perfect and beautiful and it's like lightning in that it would happen instantly. In reality, that is not the norm. Maybe you should just work on doing things that you enjoy, meeting other people that enjoy similar things, and getting to know them. From there, then decide how you want those relationships to evolve (friendships or more). At least then, you would be doing things that you enjoy, and meeting new friends if not lovers.
We are making bisquick since we don't have any, and it asks for POWDERED MILK. Is there anything we can substitute for that because we dont have it?
ASAPPPP
You can substitute regular milk, but you might then want to cut out water or some other liquid from the recipe.
I am a 15 year old girl who is confused. Real rare huh lol. Anyway, my boyfriend is 17. he told me, the only girl he would go to prom with would be some really close friend who is,you guessed it, another girl. he kind of has a history with her. He's told me he's known her all his life.He also told me that he wouldn't go without my permission and he wouldn't try anything with her. I wouldn't believe this in a minute.I forgot to include that 15 year olds are allowed as long as their parents approve and sign some paperwork. Well that's besides the point. The fact that he said this kind of hurts. I really don't have any idea what to say to him. I like him a lot. I want to stay with him but not if he's going to say things like this. Should I confront him on it and if I do what should I say?
I love when people complain about boyfriend problems and then ask whether they should tell them how they felt. Is your boyfriend a mind reader? The only way to let your boyfriend know how you feel is to tell him. From there, the two of you would need to discuss the situation openly, instead of making him out to be the bad guy for not knowing how hurt you were by what he did. He may not know why it would even make you hurt or upset, so in conclusion...YES!!! YOU NEED TO TELL HIM IF YOU WANT HIM TO KNOW HOW YOU FEEL!!!
Okay so last night at this dance party I was dancing(more like grinding) with a whole bunch of different guys. Then i noticed that this one guy had a hard on so i really rode into it. Later on that night I danced with my crush and he didnt get a boner, should I feel wierd because I wasnt doing a good job or what? Any Input?
If you were grinding with a whole bunch of different guys, then you have a lot more problems than whether your crush gets a hard on with you or not. You are creating an image or reputation of being easy or slutty. Even if your crush were to have gotten hard dancing with you, do you think he would want a long term relationship with someone who will grind with every other guy? Or maybe he just thinks you're easy. You might want to rethink your plan.
I got a cell phone last summer. It came with a two year contract. Would I still be able to get a new phone this summer without having to pay a termination fee, if I stayed with my old plan?
If it helps I'm on a Family Talk plan.
I rate high. Thanks!
If I understand you correctly, you are in a two-year contract with a family talk plan. You want to continue with the same cell phone service provider and keep the same plan, but want to upgrade to a new phone. If this is the case, than you would not have to pay a termination fee, but depending on the provider, may have to renew another two-year contract.
If my assumptions were not correct, and you want to keep the plan, but change providers (and also get a new phone) then you would need to pay a termination fee. Hope this helps.
Can anyone on here tell me they know the feeling of absolute despair? That's what I've been going through for the past several months. The past week has been really bad. I haven't been able to think, to focus, to sleep, even to talk is hard because I can't seem to put words behind it. Even my schoolwork is suffering. In my English class for an in-class essay, I couldn't write it. I just couldn't get past the prompt "Choose a novel or play in which a character experiences a point of no return in his life, where his life will never be the same again, and explain its impact on the character." I just couldn't write about that because it so closely paralelled what I'm going through right now.
Please don't think I'm just some 13 year old girl who needs to rebell. I'm 17 and I'm graduating at the end of this year, and everything in my life has been coming to a head. My schoolwork is suffering because I can't seem to find the passion that I used to have for seeking out knowledge, my home life is hell because my mom is emotionally and sometimes physically abusive, and she's trying to block my entrance into college in the fall. I just feel like everything's falling apart and I can't get through this time.
I feel an intense desire to just quit life, to seek out the absolution of death, just to escape the hell I'm living right now. But I'm too afraid to do it. I can't just draw a razor across my wrist. I've already talked to people about this, my high school principal, the director of social services, and a really big source of support has been my boyfriend. But I can't do this anymore, I can't drag anyone else into it, I can't talk one more time and force myself to think about my pitiful excuse for a life and how badly I've screwed things up.
If you've stuck with my ramblings this far thank you. I would really, really appreciate any advice.
Thank you.
Wow. It really sounds like you're going through a rough period. It is really too bad that the person that is supposed to be supportive and help you through this rough time is one of the persons who is causing you distress by emotionally and physically abusing you. Not only that, she is trying to stop you from going to college.
It is really like you are at a fork in the road and you don't know which one to take. Opening one door could mean that others would be closed. It seems like you are paralyzed because you are afraid of making the wrong decision and having to live with it for the rest of your life. Just remember that when doors close, it does not mean that they are closed for good. If your mom is trying to stop you from going to college, maybe your schoolwork is suffering because you feel it's pointless to work hard at school if you're not going onto college.
You say that you can't bring anybody else into this and can't talk about it anymore. But it sounds like you have a very supportive boyfriend. Don't push him away because he doesn't know how to help. Instead, thank him for his support.
You may also want to seek out a therapist. Many people who think that their lives are "pitiful" will seek out the absolution of death. Just the fact that you have written this message tells me that you don't want that to be the answer. Suicide can also be used as a way to get even with the people who have hurt them during life. People think that after they commit suicide, that people will feel bad and feel sorry for what they have done to them, but instead, often people are angry with the person who commits suicide. Usually, the person who commits suicide is not mourned, and often nobody attends the funeral.
Please take my advice and seek out a therapist. It just sounds like there is a lot of underlying issues that can burden you well after you have resolved your current situation. Also, you have some support, use them as well.
I hope that you are not offended by my comments. I am well intentioned. If you feel that I don't know what I'm talking about, just disregard my comments. I hope this helps. Take care of yourself.
Alright, so I'm meeting my ex in exactly 2 months, and I NEED to look perfect. Right now I'm gonna focus on my weight, so I need to know; If I take a 30 minute walk every day for exactly 60 days, will that be enough to make me REALLY SKINNY. I'm not fat at the moment, like most people would call me skinny. But I've got some loose fat. Like I don't really care at all what my weight is, as long as I look skinny. So would 30 minutes a day WALKING (i hate running) be enough? Ive tried doing 60 situps/day for 3 months now and it hasnt done anything for me! So if walking and situps dont work I dont know what to do :S like I know making yourself throw up is bad, and wont work for long, but I dont need it to work for long, I just need to be skinny that one week I see him, so without being all "its bad for you..bla bla bla" like a doctor, be COMPLETELY HONEST please - would it make me skinny, even for just one week? And if so when should I start, how many weeks before I see him? Or will it just make sure I dont GAIN weight? Just dont care for my health, be honest -- would it make me look skinny for a week?
Thank you!
The sweetest revenge is success. If you want him to see what he's missing out on, then you should work on making yourself happy. You could meet him and be super skinny, look great, and he still wouldn't care if he saw that you still desperately pined after him. Show him that you were fine without him, that you've moved on, and that you are happy. Having a great job and promising future wouldn't hurt either. Good luck!
okay so theres this boy and he likes me and i do like him to. but hes afraid to come talk to me in school n stuff. i mean hes a freshman n im a sophmore and he has no problem talkin to my bestfriend and i jus dont kno what to do. i really do like him a lot. but its jus bothering me that we never talk and were going no where. i truly though he didnt really like me. but since he told my bestfriend hes moved to a lunch table closer to mine and my friends say hes always sneaking looks at me. so i really jus dont kno wat to do and im SUPER confused
any advice would be great
ill ratte 5 for anythin!!
There is no rule that says that girls can't make the first move. If you are afraid to make that leap, and fear the possibility of rejection, then have your best friend engage your crush in conversation. Then approach your best friend while she is still in conversation with your crush. Find out what his interests are, or talk about shared experiences likes classes, teachers, friends, etc. The more you find out, the more things you will have to talk about. But be careful not to fall into the one-sided relationship trap. If he doesn't respond by trying to find out information about you, or keeping up with the conversation, then it is possible that he really isn't interested in you. Remember, if he's not interested, it doesn't mean that you're not interesting, it just means that you guys weren't a good fit. Chalk it up to experience and move on.
i've been googling all day and i cant it anywere,so i want 2 noo ..
whats ther average weight of someone who is 4"8 1/2?
whats the average weight of someone who is 5"3 ?
This is going to vary depending on your age, gender, ethnicity, etc. Try going to the following website:
http://www.halls.md/chart/height-weight.htm
Otherwise, when you search on google, look up: average height weight chart
Okay so i'm dating this guy named Brett.. and all he ever does is talk about himself and i cant stand it. like i was upset one night about me missing my dad(( he passed away 2 months ago and we were close)) and hes like your life isent bad... and im like yeah okay.. and he was like what im like i miss my dad and hes like well i miss my dad too who knows where he is((he moved to a diff. state)) im sure my life is worse than yours. im like yeah thanks. w/e... and all i ever hear about is himself and it drives me insane i mean cant one thing be about me ..
Is someone holding a gun to your head and ordering you to date this guy? I don't mean to sound insensitive, but you do have the ability as a human to make decisions for yourself. It's called free will. I do understand the pressures to date someone and to be popular, but you need to take care of your own needs first, otherwise you will look back years from now and wonder why your life is so unfulfilling. A relationship is a two-way thing. If you are giving and not receiving, then you have a right to ask for his attention and interest in you in return. It is not selfish to want to be in a relationship in which you are getting something back in return as well.
I know that I've been in relationships that have not worked. It's not a bad thing when this happens. But you live and move on and learn from them. With each new relationship, I've learned new things about myself and about what I want out of relationships. Now, you know that you want someone who will pay attention to you and who is truly interested in you, your feelings, and what you have to say.
If you do want to try to make this work with Brett, then you need to tell him point blank: "When you disregard my feelings and what I have to say, I feel hurt." You then await his response. If he apologizes and makes an effort, you can help him to become interested in you. If he again turns it into something about him, then you need to make a decision. Do I continue to be ignored? Or do I respect myself enough to walk away?