I'm 15/f. I have selective mutism. So it's an anxiety disorder. I've had it since I was little.
And I haven't talked in school for like 9 years. I tried talking this year but the whole "heart beating, my voice cracking, my voice sounding different" didn't help. For some reason I feel like that but half of the time.. I really want to say something but I can't because then I remember "I dont talk to these people". I get weird reactions from people. "OMG, YOU TALKED!" and they scream and stuff...
So do you think there's some sort of medication for me? I really want to start talking. But my anxiety is holding me back. I have the whole summer to deal with this. Because I feel like I'm wasting my life away and I'm having no fun.. and I really want a job too... Help?
Dear Wasting Your Life,
Maybe you need to try something a little bit different. What if you pretended that you'd never heard of "selective mutism" or "anxiety disorder" and went about living your life like eveybody else? Sure, there would be reactions from folks in the beginning but eventually they'd stop. Why? Because after a while it would be no big deal for you to be talking. Everyone does it, it's normal, which is what you really are underneath it all anyway.
Hey, you never know. Try it. Just make up your mind that this is what you'll do, and do it! I'll bet before you know it, you'll be wondering why you made such a big deal about this after all.
I wish you well,
Earth Mother
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i already aproached one columnist to help me out with this one- but i need all the help i can get. to make a long story short, i need to know a place where i can get free prenatal care. my guardians have pretty mch given up on me and told me im on my own- so i need help guys- PLEASE! 5's for all answers- helpful or not.
Dear Prenatal Care:
All states have medical assistance programs for folks with low, or no, income called "Medicaid." Call your local Information & Referral, or Social Service, agency for the 411 on where theses services are located in your area. You will have to apply, which means filling out multiple forms; and, if you need help doing this, ask for it.
All states have a Medicaid program, although it might be called something different in your state. For example, in California Medicaid is called: Medi-Cal, and in Arizona it's called: AHCCCS. Also, ask about the WIC (Women, Infant & Children) program too.
Best of luck,
Earth Mother
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I'm so messed up I'm agnostic thinking about turning back into a christian or turn into an athiest.. I'm so scared if I turned into an athiest I'll go to hell If there really is a god... If I turn into a christian I'll be believein in something that may not be real? I cried about this.. Should I just turn into an athiest and if there really is a god go to hell for it.. Or should I turn into a christian and believe and god and maybe go to heaven if god is real?
Dear One,
You are NOT messed up. You are a deep thinking, feeling young person who's seeking answers to questions we all ask at one time or another!
The answer you are seeking my require another question all together. Perhaps, instead of "either this or that" the answer is "this and that." Why not check out spiritual viewpoints that include understanding God as a Higher Power? Any religious tradition that's so narrow that you fear going to hell if you don't become a strict, dogmatic, fundamentalist might not be the best path for you.
Have you thought about reading a little bit on spiritual traditions from around the world? This might be interesting, and I know your local community college offers classes in "world religions." I have taken just such a class myself, and I can tell you it opened my narrow viewpoint on God and the role spirituality plays in the evolution of humanity. This is not to say that you will become a practitioner of another religious tradition, but it will expose you to other viewpoints.
Remember, spiritual self-inquiry can be a healthy activity and it does not mean you are "messed up."
I wish you well,
Earth Mother
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for the past week and a half, I have been getting stomach aches. but, starting on saturday, i got headaches. this is what it has been like since friday:
friday: stomach ache/cramps
saturday: head ache
sunday: stomach ache/cramps
today: head ache!!
i went to the doctor and he is like it's physcosomatic (im imagning it) but i'm not! this is so annoing i can't enjoy myself. i tried pepto-bismol and all that crap! no help. i used to get bad head aches so i got an mri but nothing is wrong. so what should i do?
Dear Headache & Stomach Ache,
You've misunderstood what "psychosomatic" means. It is estimated that over 80% of all illnesses are psychosomatic in nature, which means that the mind-body connection is real.
The mind-body connection is powerful, and to say that something is "psychosomatic" is an out-dated response. I'm surprised your doctor would say this to you without further explaining this important topic.
For most of us, when we're upset we'll get head or stomach aches, or when depressed our body will hurt all over, or overly anxious & worried we'll get stomach ulcers, and the list goes on! It also holds true that when we're excited and expecting something good to happen, we feel great physically. Keep in mind which symptoms show up is different for everyone, but this conversation happens with all of us. It's very real, and this connection can help us figure out what in our life needs our attention when the symptoms are painful in nature.
It's only when we are cut off from the mind-body connection that we become alienated to this specific mind-body conversation, if you will. You see, this very intelligent connection signals us with symptoms like aches and pains. If we ignore the symptoms long enough, eventually a disease will develop that we can't ignore without dire consequences.
If you'd like to learn more about this very real and interesting connection, I know the library has many good books, or you could Google "mind-body connection" and find some interesting articles. At any rate, I hope this helps.
I wish you well,
Earth Mother
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I'm not sure if anyone could point me in the right direction, but my ex BF has been on a wide range of anti-depressants and has problems sleeping. Currently he's not taking any medication apart from valium for when he cant sleep.
I will try and explain his behaviour: If you were to meet him in a social setting, he seems extremely normal and outgoing like anyone else. He has motivation to go out and do things like everyone else. However when it comes to relationships he goes cold. He says he feels numb, and that he cant be affectionate cos he doesnt feel anything. He says its nothing to do with me, but its the way he is.
I just dont understand what his problem might be, if he even has a problem, he might just be using it as an excuse... anyone have any ideas?
Dear What Illness is This,
Intimacy for many people is a complicated matter. Due to woundings from the past, many people are unable to live consciously in the present, which is absolutely necessary for true intimacy. There are a multitude of reasons why folks can't do this, and it would probably do you some good to explore the subject matter a little.
I can tell you what I think, but the bottom line is that you will follow your heart on the matter. Before you do that, I'd like to suggest you do some reading on relationships, which should prove helpful. There are many good books out there at your local library or Amazon.com. (Do a search on "reationships" or "intimacy") Keep in mind that relationships are often our greatest teachers. A healthy relationship can help heal old wounds, but it takes honesty, commitment and a willingness to learn from each other. Only you know for sure if either of you are willing to accept the challenge at this stage of your relationship.
I wish you well,
Earth Mother
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Well here is my problem.
I'm eighteen years old. I have a really awesome boyfriend. Prior to our relationship we were best friends so everything is sort of honkey dorey there.
We'll call him "Todd" Well, Todd recently moved out of his parents house.
He got a job at a factory and a car dealership. Aside from the fact that he has no time to spend with me now, he has no car because he can't afford one at the moment.
Now I have no problem helping him out, and neither does my family.
Then Todd started carpooling with my sister to work (they work at the same place).
Now really I have no problem with that either. But now, he comes over to my house, opens the refridgerator gets something to eat, my mother packs him and my sister a lunch, he uses the phone with out asking, and the internet. My dad dotes on Todd; Todd sometimes asks if my dad can pick him up, my mother takes him to go get his paycheck, and now he's using my sisters car during the day!
I feel a little used!! I have never asked his parents for anything much less really visited with them.
I know he needs to get on his feet, but this is making me very upset. He knew that when he moved out of his parents home that he would be trying to make it on his own and now he's just overtaking my family it seems.
I don't neccesiarly want him to walk all over town, but come on he knew the stakes when he moved out.
My parents are charmed by Todd, my mom says "Well it's normal for the boyfriend to be closer to the girl's family.." but I am feeling used and abused. He hardly gives me any attention anymore yet he feels it's OK to do this with my family.
Am I over reacting? I don't think it's fair at all.
How do I discuss this with him without hurting his feelings or making it an arguement. I care deeply about him, but this has got to stop.
Thank you
Dear Feeling Used,
Hey, it's no wonder you feel used...it appears that he is using you and your family! Listen, sit the fellow down and tell him exactly how you are feeling, and WHY.
As for hurting his feelings--it doesn't sound like he's very sensitive, so I doubt you'll have to worry about this. And, if he does get offended, just remember, he needs to hear from you why you feel he's "taking your family over." Spell it out for him and let him struggle with it a bit...it won't kill him!
Not being honest with him will only add fuel to the fire, and you'll end up feeling even more resentful. Get down to the nitty gritty with the issue at hand and you'll be glad you did in the long run!
I wish you well,
Earth Mother
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13/f
Me and my mom have always had this sort of best-friend sort of relationship instead of a mother-daughter relationship. I didn't tell her everything, but I did tell her enough and wasn't embrassed infront of my friends with her. Infact, I kind of like to "show her off." She's really funny and basically acts like someone my age would act - only 43 and graying hair. But right now everything sort of changed.
A few weeks ago my mom went out on a date (My dad and her are divorced) and she said she would be out a few hours. Dinner, a movie, the basics. So figured it would be a perfect time to.. well, masturbate, I suppose. Only apparantly the date didn't last as long as she expected, and I didn't hear her open the door. And she kind of heard me, since I tend to get kind of loud. I have no idea what she was thinking, I just know that she opened the door to my room and saw me. Then shut the door and didn't talk to me for the rest of the night. After I got dressed I went and found her in the kitchen, and told her that that had been a little awkward, but she didn't say anything or do anything. She just kind of ignored me. And every since then it's been kind of weird, especially since my mom is one of those pre-martial-sex-and-I'm-sending-you-to-a-convent type of people. She's only had sex once, and that was when she "planned" to have me.
Now, instead of feeling all laid back when I'm around her, I keep getting this feeling like she's giving me a dirty look, like she thinks I'm some kind of skank. And actually, I know that she thinks that, because me, being the curious one, listened in on her phone call with her best friend, who my mom told that I was turning into some kind of slut ever since I started going out with my boyfriend, which really isn't true, since I was doing this long before I started going out with him.
I just don't really know how to make things cool between us again. Or how to break the ice so I don't feel like I'm being watched ever second of every day because my mom believes that I'm doing "dirty things."
Dear Caught in the Act,
It is not unusual for parents to have diffiuclty accepting their teens emerging sexuality..... especially if that parent has issues of their own in this area. Tell your mother you'd like to "clear the air" and see if she's open to talking about what happened. This might not be the most comfortable topic for either of you, but it sounds like it's time to talk.
As cool as it seems to have a "best friend" instead of a parent, that's usually not what is really going on. A good parent is clear about their role and does not feel the need to become a best friend. Insecurity about being a parent is usually what's behind this need to buddy up. Let's face it, peers do not have to set limits or boundaries in the same manner that a parent does.
I wish you well,
Earth Mother
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Lately, me and my best friend have been on this "tell each other everything" phase. Shes been telling me things that I never even imagined were going on in her mind. These things include, how she thinks she is insane, but would never accept anyones help (her mother tried sending her to a therepist a few years ago, but it backfired), how she has another world in her mind she sometimes likes to escape to, even sometimes she forgets who she is. Before this talk, she seemed perfectly normal to me. She insists she is fine, and insists nothing can help her, and the best thing that is helping is me just talking to her. We have recently decided not to talk about it so much, and she really does seem fine. I would never disobey her trust enough to tell someone else, but is there anything I can say to her that might help her?
Dear Friends in Need,
Even though you don't want to be disloyal to the friendship, it is NEVER fair to hold this over someone IF it turns out that she is a danger to herself or others. You stated that she seems fine, but should that change, I trust that you'll do the responsible thing and tell her parents, a school counselor, teacher, minister or anyone who can address the situation.
Sometimes people who are in the greatest need of help are the most resistant to receiving it. The "backfired therapist" ordeal may be a signal that your friend is really in need of help. In terms of what you can say to her that will help, remember: keep it real and keep it honest.
I wish you well,
Earth Mother
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I went to a party the other night for Ash's birthday, with a bunch of our friends. Her mom took us all to the movie, while she said she'd be shopping. After the movie was over, she didn't answer any of her phones and we couldn't get ahold of her for an hour. It was 11 at night, in a bad bad part of town, 7 young girls, all alone. When Ash finally did get ahold of her mom, her mom cussed at her, and told her it was all her fault. She was on speaker so we heard every foul word of it. Her mom blamed us being left there for an hour alone on Ash, even though the mom decided to see a movie longer then ours and did not tell us.
Ash cried in the car ride back to her house, and her mom kept cussing at her, and blamming her. She yelled at her the whole ride home saying she was the cause of everything wrong, and that she was never right, and said that all of us were much better kids then she'd ever be.
Her mom is so unfair to her, everything is Ash's fault, even when her grandma passed away, Ash's mom blamed it all on her. Ash is sucha sweet girl, I don't want her mom to be so bad to her. Is it okay for a mom to cuss at a child, abandon them, and baiscly verbally abuse them?
What should I do? Ash can't take this anymore.
Dear Friend of Ash,
You could call Child Protective Services; 411 can give you the number for your area. If you have to leave a message, do so, and the CPS worker will call you back with some additional suggestions or resources. Or, have Ash speak with one of her school counselors, or Google "teen hotlines" -- most hotlines have 800 numbers and all conversations are confidential so Ash can remain anonymous, if she wants to.
Equally important, let Ash know that you are there for her. A close circle of friends can be a real emotional life line. That kind of support makes all the difference in the world to someone who's going through such a tough time. Ash is lucky to have a friend like you.
I wish you well,
Earth Mother
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Lately I've been having real trouble eating. When it gets to dinner time (I live in a University residence, so all our meals are provided at set times) I'm hungry, and I go and get my food - there's soup, somekind of main meal like roast pork, or pizza, or curry, and then dessert. I eat the soup fine but then when I start on the main course I gradually feel like I can't swallow, and it feels like a huge effort to eat. I can only take really small mouthfuls every few minutes and eat them really slowly. I don't have any trouble swallowing liquids though. Later on, I'm hungry of course, because I haven't managed to eat anything. Any ideas what could be causing this? And any suggestions what I can do about it - I only weigh 50kg as it is, so I can't afford to lose weight, plus not eating is making me feel weak, and I need to study!
Thanks! x
Dear Lost Appetite,
All eating "challenges" are, at the root, emotional in nature. You might not fully understand this, but trust me, they are! Most often, self-esteem issues are at the heart of these difficulties.
I suggest that you go to the university clinic and speak with the physician; this way any medical problem can be ruled out. In addition, he/she will be able to make a referral to other services, or programs, as they see fit.
I'm glad that you are not ignoring this issue, as many young people do. This is one of those major life challenges that, if you don't seek a solution now, it will only work against you (physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc.) in the long run.
You might also Google "eating disorders" and see if you relate to any of the information in the literature. You might also Google 1-800 numbers for hotlines, where you could speak with an anonymous hotline counselor.
Remember, nurturing ourselves is giving freely out of love...food, rest, enjoyment, and self-care. You deserve all of the above!
I wish you well,
Earth Mother
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Please try to help. Heres the problem.. Last May I went out of town to live with my father and got a job there and stuff, the only time I went outside was when I had to go to work. My father and I had a lot of problems, we fought all the time because he always has been a HORRIBLE dad, I was only there so that I could get a job. Well, I moved back home in October because I couldn't stand living with my father. The thing is, ever since I moved back home I havent stepped foot outside even once. When someone knocks at the door or I know someone in the house is expecting company, I run and lock myself in another room. When I wake up and all the blinds are open, I close them (this really makes my family mad). But for some reason I am terrified of going outside and being seen. I don't know why. Can someone please give me some answers? I rate 5's
Dear What's Wrong w/ Me,
Nothing is "wrong" with you, but you are depressed...I'm guessing in part because you are feeling abandoned. (Usually the emotion under the surface of depression is anger.) Yes, we all have to come to grips with parents who are often emotionally flawed. This is not an easy thing to do, and it will get in your way, if you let it!
I'd like to suggest that you reach out and ask for help. Yes, I know it seems like too much to ask you to do, but dear one, your future depends on it. If you continue feeling and acting out as you are right now, things will NOT improve. As your situation continues to go downhill, you'll find yourself more depressed and it will go on, and on, and on...a vicious cycle really!
Guess what! You do have the ability to turn things around, with some effort on your part. You might speak with a shool counselor, or google "teen hotlines" then, get the 800 number and speak to an anonymous hotline counselor. You might also ask you doctor about making a referral for you to see a counselor. Doctors can, and do, make referrals when their patients need this kind of support.
The important thing here is to reach out and ask for help. You are worth it, and with some effort on your part, it will get better. Trust me, it will.
I wish you well,
Earth Mother
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This is weird for me, I am usually the one answering the questions and dispensing the advice here.
Anyhow, my problem is thus. I have an IUD in place, and such, I am infertile. I already have a 21 month old son, who is a handful.
However, a few months ago, I started getting a yearning to have a child, especially when I see pregnant women. I am on a low income, so I know having another child wouldn't be a good decision at the moment.
In the last month or so, I have started experiencing a few symptoms, such as bloating, morning sickness, acute travel sickness and feeling kicks in my womb. I know I am not pregnant. There is no way I COULD be pregnant. However, these symptoms don't seem to be disappearing. I've visited my GP and my psych, and they are both completly baffled. I've had everything, including IBS problems and infections ruled out. I suffer from bi polar disorder, and I was wondering if this could affecting my thought processes regarding pregnancy.
I've had quite a few people suggest that it could be something called 'phantom pregnancy'. I've heard of this, but I'm not extensively knowledgeable on the subject. Could it possible I'm suffering from this, and if so; how do I get it to go away?
Or is there anything else it could be?
Dear Phantom Pregnancy,
If all other more practical possibilites have been ruled out, then I'd like to suggest something to you. Your pregnancy is real, but...it's not about having a baby! Could these "phantom symptoms" be a wake up signaling that it's time to "birth" some new side of yourself? Perhaps it's time to consider doing that something you've had on the back burner of your life for a while now.
We often resist change because it requires work and emotional commitment, so when we're not moving in the direction we need to be, our soul sends us a signal...phantom symptoms! What in your life needs your attention or focus right now? Are there issues needing to be addressed that you've been avoiding? What goals or commitments have you yet to make whose time has come?
Ponder the possibilities, and you just might find that something other than a baby is waiting to be carried to full-term! Also, pay attention to your dreams as they too can point us in the direction we need to go.
I wish you well,
Earth Mother
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18/f
I was sexually abused from when I was around 3 until I was around 9ish. And I have come across an interesting, and rather annoying problem:
I don't currently have a boyfriend but the last time i did, which was about 4 months ago, I told him and then anytime we did anything after that, sex or anything, he would ask if doing stuff with im reminded me of my abuse..so i ended up wishing that i hadn't told him. cause then it made it uncomfortable for me, because I wouldn't ever think about it until he said it.
in future relationships, should i tell my boyfriend? or will he react the same way?
Dear 18 yr old female,
Not all people act the same way, given the same information. Perhaps, be clear about what you expect him to do with the information. For example, try this: I'm tell you this because [give your reasons why], and hopefully [you will or won't do this or that] as a result of the information.
It takes real courage on your part and will probably shake up whomever is being given the information. Just realize he may need time to come to grips with what you're telling him, and he may need to talk about it with you, at least a little bit.
I'd also suggest that you call a "rape crisis center" in your area and talk with one of their counselors. The counselor will likely have additional suggestions, and there just might be an excellent book that talks about this very thing. Hey, it never hurts to have other resources available, right?
I wish you well.
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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So.. my friend, whom we'll call stacy, and her boyfriend, whom we'll call sean is what this is about i think. Not so much with sean..but i could be wrong. Stacy for the past 2 months, i just found out has been throwing up her food , and lately she can't hold it down..its a natural thing now, and because she does this, she cuts herself, and cutting herself makes her eat..its a vicious cycle. She wants to tell her mom, but her pregnant sister ran away and her mom is under a LOT of stress, so she doesn't want to put that load on top of it. She knows she has a problem, and i want to help her. But i know i can't do it by myself, she's stubborn. Would it be okay to talk to our schools couselor about this? thanx for any thing you can help w/. Oh, and where sean comes in, i think she's throwing up because of him, she thinks she's too fat? or something maybe? i hope not because he isnt like that. but plz help me. I'm the only one she's told about the cutting
Dear Friend with Problems,
You are in the unique position to do something that could save Stacey's life. What she's doing is a form of slow suicide, and yes, she needs help! As sometimes happens with people who need help, your friend may not be willing to admit that she's in trouble. The question you need to ask yourself is this: if Stacy ends up in the hospital, or dead, as a result of what she's doing, how will you feel knowing that you could have told someone (a school counselor, teacher, minister, other relative, or her mother) but didn't?
Given that she did, after all, tell you about what she's doing, Stacey may secretly hope that you'll reach out on her behalf. Just know that she is not well (emotionally speaking) and even if she gets angry at you for telling someone, you'll know you did the responsible thing.
Also, google "teen hotlines" or "crisis hotlines" and you will probably be able to find something in your area. Most of the crisis hotlines use toll free numbers and operate 24 hours a day; contact with these counselors is always confidential and anonymous.
It's a touch decision, and I know you will do the right thing.
I wish you well.
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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ok to tell it all short my brothers going to court and may be sent away .my moms in the hostpital she has been for 3 days .my other brother is named the good child.my family has 5 people in it and im the only girl so i clean cook and do laundry.i cnat believe my mom has done it for 20 years ive done it for 4 days.i have so much gratitude for her and ill never mesure up.i am slipping on my grades at school witch i was already strugiling and is at resk of failling my grade.i dont want to have my mom as an excuse for my homework.i stayed home today to catch up and no one knows that.
im under my head and no one to turn too.
what do i do.
plz help me sorry its so long
katie
Dear Katie,
I'm sorry to hear of all the troubles your family has been having. Yes, managing a household takes a lot of work, and inspite of being the only girl, EVERYONE NEEDS TO PITCH IN. All living there contribute to the mess, and threrefore, should be doing their part to assist with the upkeep. Perhaps you need to speak to them about this; be honest and tell them why you need them to do their fair share.
As for your father, if he's around, tell him you need help and that your shool work is suffering. Ask him to call a family meeting to address the situation of everyone pitching in. If you've got other relatives in the area (grandparents, aunts, uncles) perhaps they too could be of assistance. At any rate, you should not be the only one doing the household chores!
As for your school work, please, please speak with your guidance counselor, or principal, or home room teacher, or favorite teacher. Lay it all out for them. This situation requires that you reach out and ask for assistance. It's not too late, so don't be ashamed or afraid. All families, from time to time, need the support and assistance of others.
As for your mother being ill, in many hospitals there are social workers assigned to the different medical units to assit patients and their family members. That being the case, you can also ask her nurse to speak with the social worker. If it's easier to call from home, ask the hospital switchborad operator for the "social work department," then ask to speak to the person assigned to your mother's floor. You may have to leave a message, so that the social worker can get back to you. She/he may have additional suggestions and resources that would be helpful in your situation.
I wish you well.
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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one of my bff has been getting on my nerves recently. she is a c-cup and im an a-cup. i could really care a less about boob size tho. but shes always bragging about how big her boobs are and how skinny she is. like if a girl gets hit in the chest area it hurts no matter what, but if in gym or something i get hit there she'll be like "what boobs." and she always brags about her "perfect" figure. personally i dont think she has the perfect figure or good looks but why does she brag so much? i told her a million times that lifes not about boobs and when me and her hang out the boys are all over me not her.
Dear Bragging Friend,
Well, with the observation that "the boys are all over me not her" you can see that although she poses as a very confident young women, she's actually not! Anytime someone constantly refers to some aspect of their physique, 99.9% of the time it's to cover up how they really feel. There could be any number of reasons why she does this, but the bottom line is that your bragger doesn't feel she has any redeeming assets other than her "boobs!" Sad, huh?
You say she's actually a friend of a friend, so maybe one of you should consider having a little heart to heart with her about this. My guess is she's completely unaware of how she comes off. I'd also bet if given the chance to talk about how she really feels, you'll see first hand what I'm talking about. At any rate, developing some compassion in this situation would be a very mature response, as would being honest with her about how demeaning her comments are.
I wish you well.
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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I'm worried that my daughter, who's just turned 16, is talking to strangers online. Against my better judgement, I accessed her computer while she was at school. I didn't find much other than a short instant message from a male with whom she was just speaking to like she would a close friend but some of the things he said were fishy and he had asked her a lot of strange, personal questions in the conversation (like who she lived with, what her friends' names were, what the name of her school was, etc).
What are signs that I can look for that my daughter is in trouble? If I continue to access her computer and find more instant messages, what can I look for to determine for sure that this person means my daughter harm?
Thank you.
Dear Worried Mom,
I'd say you have good reason to be concerned. I recently saw a program (60 Minutes, 48 Hours, or one of those) about online preditors and this was exactly what they did. They'd pose as a peer to gain the trust of the potential target and then asked seemingly innocient questions that gave them the info they wanted. I know it must be difficult to determine if this online individual is friend or foe, but better safe than sorry!
It's never too late to begin informing yourself on the subject, and I'm guessing you could google for information and resources (books, articles, TV shows) that might be more helpful. Might your local Police Dept. have some suggestions? Could the school have someone come to an assembly or one of the classes to educate kids on this subject?
In the meantime, talk with your daughter about your concerns. Stress to her that she's NOT give out personal information like, where she lives etc. Somehow bring up those "fishy, strange" questions and tell her why it's suspecious subject matter for an online relationship. Explain to her that online there's no way to verify that he is who he says he is.
I wish I could be of more help, and I commend you for being proactive on behalf of your daughter's welfare.
I wish you well.
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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i'm 23/ f. i've been with this guy for almost 4 years. i was diagnosed with ocd 6 years ago. for the last couple of years i've started to feel like we've lost the spark we once had. i'm not very attracted to him anymore and the sex is terrible. but its like this: for a few days ill agonize over how im going to tell him its over, then the next few days, i'm happier and want to stick with him. i know with time, things arent as exciting, but is it wrong of me to want to have passion and feel "in love" all the time? most of the time i'm miserable. i love him very much, he's funny and sweet and practically worships me. i want more than anything to be happy with him, because he's already told me that if i were to leave him, if we were to break up for any reason, he could never be with me again. i dont want to make the biggest mistake of my life because i can't get aroused by him. what if we break up, he completely changes the way he looks, i'm all hot for him again and he won't have anything to do with me? i feel like im being immature and shallow, and i feel like maybe my ocd (i have more of the impulsive thought kind) is causing this. telling me constantly that i don't want to be with him anymore. blocking my real feelings, making it impossible for me to enjoy being with him. making me feel guilty. i need help. i'm sorry that this is not brief.
Dear Lost Feelings,
OCD or not, perhaps you need to focus on you right now instead of this relationship. Yes, the flame does die down a bit after the years pass, but it sounds like your inner voice is telling you something else.
Maybe to grow as a person right now, working on your personal issues is where your attention needs to be. Yes, you might be a little "immature and shallow" concerning this situation, but you are still fairly young. What most people find out later in life is, until we've settled the major emotional issues in our lives, we can't really be there for others in a whole hearted way. Without a doubt, intimacy requires our whole hearted participation.
Also, until we can be alone (content with ourselves), we'll always look to others to fill our empty spaces. Only you can say for sure if being in this relationship RIGHT NOW is in your best interest.
It takes real courage to be honest with oneself & then others, but in the long run, it's always what works best!
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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i'm female 14 years old...well you will think this is normal and everything but i still feel weird:
yesterday it was about 11:30 at night and i was still awake listening to some radio then i became thirsty and i wanted to go downs stairs to get something to drink and then on my way downstairs i heard me parents having sex.... it was soo weird my mom was like making this really weird sounds and i heard how my dad kissed my mom and i dont know i was just standing there listening i couldnt move... but yeah then when i couldnt hear anything i went back to my room... and then my little sister (she's only 11 years old) also heard it cause her room is right next to my parents bedroom and she came into my room and she was really nervous and scared! and so am i and i dont know i just have a weird feeling about all this...what should i do?? its just freaking me out!!! and my sister also totally dosnt get it and she said she cant trust our parents or something :-/
any advice???
i'll rate
Dear I Feel Weird,
Sure, I can believe that you're feeling out of sorts after hearing your parents having sex. I'd say that is pretty normal. It seems really creepy because you and your sister don't relate to your parents as sexual beings. Your parents, however, do relate to each other (from time to time) in this manner, and yes, sex is part of a healthy marriage. Some day you will better understand the role sex has in a loving relationship. When this time comes, it won't seem so strange.
If their encounter continues to bother your little sister, perhaps you need to say something to one of your parents. I know approaching either parent might be uncomfortable for you, but I'm sure your parents would rather that you do than to say nothing with little sister still "nervous and scared."
Ask your friends if they've ever had this happen, and I'll bet at least one of them has. At least you'll know you're not alone with what you've experienced and how you're feeling about it.
I wish you well.
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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I had this friend in middle school. A best friend, and I really loved her. I never talked behind her back or anything. People told me that she was not a good friend to me though. I dont know- maybe she wasn't. Anyways- one day we got into an awful fight and she attempted suicide. it was serious, and she ended up in a hospital. She called me, and told me it was all my fault. Now she's in a mental hospital, a residential. we recently started talking again. I feel horribally guilty, even though she said that it was her who was wrong to blame me. Anyways... i found out that she told another one of our friends one of my biggest secret, and im thinking maybe she has not changed. So I dont know... should I forgive her for this whole big mess? (the suicide thing and everything) or should I never speak to her again. Please help, thank you.
Dear Forgive or Forget Her,
Your friend sounds very troubled, and given the fact that she choose to attempt suicide, I'd say she's got bigger problems than your friendship.
If she betrayed a confidence by talking behind your back, that too suggests she's not capable of being a REAL friend. Sometimes when people are very troubled, they aren't capable of seeing things as they are. When this happens it's unfortunate; be thankful that she's getting the help she needs, do forgive her, and move on.
Forgiveness is always the best policy, but please don't mistakenly feel that you must keep associating with her to prove you have. Remember, no matter what she says, her troubles are not your fault. Maybe at some later point you'll be able to reconnect when she's firmly on the road to recovery.
I wish you well.
Take care,
Earth Mother
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