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should i forgive her or forget her?
I had this friend in middle school. A best friend, and I really loved her. I never talked behind her back or anything. People told me that she was not a good friend to me though. I dont know- maybe she wasn't. Anyways- one day we got into an awful fight and she attempted suicide. it was serious, and she ended up in a hospital. She called me, and told me it was all my fault. Now she's in a mental hospital, a residential. we recently started talking again. I feel horribally guilty, even though she said that it was her who was wrong to blame me. Anyways... i found out that she told another one of our friends one of my biggest secret, and im thinking maybe she has not changed. So I dont know... should I forgive her for this whole big mess? (the suicide thing and everything) or should I never speak to her again. Please help, thank you.
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Dear Forgive or Forget Her,
Your friend sounds very troubled, and given the fact that she choose to attempt suicide, I'd say she's got bigger problems than your friendship.
If she betrayed a confidence by talking behind your back, that too suggests she's not capable of being a REAL friend. Sometimes when people are very troubled, they aren't capable of seeing things as they are. When this happens it's unfortunate; be thankful that she's getting the help she needs, do forgive her, and move on.
Forgiveness is always the best policy, but please don't mistakenly feel that you must keep associating with her to prove you have. Remember, no matter what she says, her troubles are not your fault. Maybe at some later point you'll be able to reconnect when she's firmly on the road to recovery.
I wish you well.
Take care,
Earth Mother
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What a tough situation. Just because she attempted suicide, it doesn't mean that she should be let off the hook for telling secrets or anything that was really wrong. She has a lot of issues, and if I were you, I wouldn't stick around to deal with them.
I'm not saying that you should tell her that the friendship is off, just don't make her one of those friends you have to talk to everyday and not a friend yo tell your secrets to anymore. And if she starts to wonder what's going on with you, just say something like this: "I really liked having you as a friend in middle school, and I felt horrible that you even wanted to kill yourself and I wanted to be there for you. But now I know that I won't get that in return from you."
-TheTeenGirl
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Your friend has issues. It WAS wrong of her to blame you for her attempted suicide, there is something else going on with her. It may be her home life, her grades, peer pressure, perhaps even a chemical imbalance, maybe mental illness runs in her family. Maybe she was trying to get attention and accidentally took it too far. Whatever it was, although your argument I'm sure upset her that day, it wasn't the reason she decided to take herself out. Don't feel guilty. Apparently, she's doing better, because she acknowledged that she was wrong to blame you.
As far as the secret goes, think twice before telling anyone something you don't want anyone else to know. For that matter think twice before letting someone else tell you a secret, because they are oh-so-tempting to tell. I'm sure no one's ever said to you "Okay, I'll tell you, but you have to promise not to say anything because I told her I wouldn't," right? Of course they have.
I would forgive her, because its silly to hold grudges when the problem with her (big mouth) is easily solved. Don't tell her any more secrets! If she begs you to tell her something, just make a joke out of it and say something like: "You know I love you, but girl, you have a big mouth!" and laugh. Goodtimes. She needs great friends like you.
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I would consider this were you loyal to her? I believe you mentioned yes. So, Tell her you forgive her for everything and that your sorry you won't continue talking to her. Because if you want her to be safe, and not want any more problems just forgive her and not talk to her like a really good friend again.
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