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Lost that feeling somewhere...
i'm 23/ f. i've been with this guy for almost 4 years. i was diagnosed with ocd 6 years ago. for the last couple of years i've started to feel like we've lost the spark we once had. i'm not very attracted to him anymore and the sex is terrible. but its like this: for a few days ill agonize over how im going to tell him its over, then the next few days, i'm happier and want to stick with him. i know with time, things arent as exciting, but is it wrong of me to want to have passion and feel "in love" all the time? most of the time i'm miserable. i love him very much, he's funny and sweet and practically worships me. i want more than anything to be happy with him, because he's already told me that if i were to leave him, if we were to break up for any reason, he could never be with me again. i dont want to make the biggest mistake of my life because i can't get aroused by him. what if we break up, he completely changes the way he looks, i'm all hot for him again and he won't have anything to do with me? i feel like im being immature and shallow, and i feel like maybe my ocd (i have more of the impulsive thought kind) is causing this. telling me constantly that i don't want to be with him anymore. blocking my real feelings, making it impossible for me to enjoy being with him. making me feel guilty. i need help. i'm sorry that this is not brief.
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Dear Lost Feelings,
OCD or not, perhaps you need to focus on you right now instead of this relationship. Yes, the flame does die down a bit after the years pass, but it sounds like your inner voice is telling you something else.
Maybe to grow as a person right now, working on your personal issues is where your attention needs to be. Yes, you might be a little "immature and shallow" concerning this situation, but you are still fairly young. What most people find out later in life is, until we've settled the major emotional issues in our lives, we can't really be there for others in a whole hearted way. Without a doubt, intimacy requires our whole hearted participation.
Also, until we can be alone (content with ourselves), we'll always look to others to fill our empty spaces. Only you can say for sure if being in this relationship RIGHT NOW is in your best interest.
It takes real courage to be honest with oneself & then others, but in the long run, it's always what works best!
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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well your boyfriend obviously cares very much for you as he has stuck by you through thick and thin and has already expressed that he does not want to be without you. Maybe you should sit him down and explain that you feel you have lost interest and confront him, calmly and honestly telling him how you feel. Or you could try and spice up your lovelife and make things more exciting. You obviously care about him because you dont want to hurt him and there must be something there or else you would never have got involved with him. I think that yor OCD maybe causing you to feel confused over your feelings towards him and that you are obsessing over your feelings towards him. i think that you need to write down on a piece f paper all the things that drew you to him at the begining of the relationship and focus on that. You need to let him know how you are feeling and explain that your obsessionals/worries may be to blame for your feelings and ask for his help. He will realise that you care about him and want to help make the relationship how it used to be.
If, after he knows how you feel and you are both trying to improve your relationship it is still getting worse, i think you should have another chat and clear the air, letting each other know exactly how you feel and whether you should continue with the relationship. The best way to make a relationship work is comunication and honesty, so its worth a try.
Gud look, i hope i have helped,
kerry x
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