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when or do i need to tell him?
18/f
I was sexually abused from when I was around 3 until I was around 9ish. And I have come across an interesting, and rather annoying problem:
I don't currently have a boyfriend but the last time i did, which was about 4 months ago, I told him and then anytime we did anything after that, sex or anything, he would ask if doing stuff with im reminded me of my abuse..so i ended up wishing that i hadn't told him. cause then it made it uncomfortable for me, because I wouldn't ever think about it until he said it.
in future relationships, should i tell my boyfriend? or will he react the same way?
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Dear 18 yr old female,
Not all people act the same way, given the same information. Perhaps, be clear about what you expect him to do with the information. For example, try this: I'm tell you this because [give your reasons why], and hopefully [you will or won't do this or that] as a result of the information.
It takes real courage on your part and will probably shake up whomever is being given the information. Just realize he may need time to come to grips with what you're telling him, and he may need to talk about it with you, at least a little bit.
I'd also suggest that you call a "rape crisis center" in your area and talk with one of their counselors. The counselor will likely have additional suggestions, and there just might be an excellent book that talks about this very thing. Hey, it never hurts to have other resources available, right?
I wish you well.
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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