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I'm worried that my daughter, who's just turned 16, is talking to strangers online. Against my better judgement, I accessed her computer while she was at school. I didn't find much other than a short instant message from a male with whom she was just speaking to like she would a close friend but some of the things he said were fishy and he had asked her a lot of strange, personal questions in the conversation (like who she lived with, what her friends' names were, what the name of her school was, etc).
What are signs that I can look for that my daughter is in trouble? If I continue to access her computer and find more instant messages, what can I look for to determine for sure that this person means my daughter harm?
Thank you.
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Well, you have so many young girls answering I thought it was time for the big girls. lol. I'm 16, a former webmaster, a computer know-most-it-all, and I live on the computer. In adition to that, I'm the MOST paranoid person. I think that you should talk to your daughter about not giving out identifiable information on the internet. This includes FULL name, phone numbers, addresses, and anything else that you find a threat. This should be done on a friendly basis, though. Make it light and non-lecture like. This will just make your daughter rebel agains what you wanted. I personally dislike IMing strangers because we have nothing to talk about, but if talking to strangers is her thing, she should never meet them!
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I am 13. I sometimes talk to strangers online. I know not to tell them any personal information such as where I live, what I look like (well not in too much detail), my phone number, my cup size, my full name, ect. Tell your daughter about these precautions and tell her the dangers if she doesnt take them. Make sure she understands that you just want her to be safe and protected. She will be fine.
About the guy... there are many creeps online... but as long as your daughter doesnt tell her information she shouldn't, then she really should be fine. Tell her that if she feels that someone is going to far, to block him/her.
About accessing her internet.. bad idea. Privacy is really important for a girl, and she could get very angry about your snooping- even if its for her good. Ask her before you do it, for your sake.
<3
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Hi! I'm 14/f and I figured I could answer this question because if your daughter is anywhere near my age I could be of some assitance. First of all, I think it is a wonderful thing to be concerned about your daughter's safety; it only shows what a great parent you are, especially since you are taking the time to do some research. However, looking at your daughter's messages on her computer isn't, in my opinion, the best way to approach this. From your daughter's perspective it would seem that you are invading her privacy, even though that isn't your intention. It is possible that the strangers that she has been talking to are just chats with them. Everything should be cool if she isn't giving out any critical information such as: her phone number, address, full name, ect. You should also understand, while internet pretadors are extremely dangerous, the teenagers and sometimes adults who are victoms usually have a lack of knowledge of the dangers. If your daughter does not know the dangers, it might be helpful to just simply tell her a story of something that you heard on the news about a pretador, in casual conversation possibly while in the car. I hope everything works out! And if you need any more assitance then feel free to message me =].
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There are a lot of things you can look out for but they can be easily misinterpreted and it might be she is just talking to a decent person who is interested in her. Not to mention, there is really nothing to be gained but her eventual lack of trust in you. Suppose you did find something suspect and confronted her about it? At 16 she will not forgive you for breaching her right to privacy and chances are she will go out and do whatever you tell her just to be rebellious and defiant.
The best thing you can do right now is to sit her down and have a chat, as best you can on the subject. Do NOT tell her you looked at her messages but start off by saying something along the lines of "Now you have access to the internet, I just wanted to have a chat with you because you need to understand that it's a good thing but opens you to a lot of danger at the same time." Then explain to her that there are a lot of men online, dangerous men, who use the internet to take advantage of nice girls like her and that you need her to trust you enough to tell you if someone is asking her for photos of herself or wants to meet up with her. More than anything right now, you need her to trust you with things like this. Blow it and she'll just do it behind your back. So stress to her the dangers (don't threaten to take it away if she messes up because she'll be less inclined to tell you) involved and that you care about her so you need to know if anything like that happens. Leave it at that and she should feel reassured that she doesn't have to go behind your back and that she can tell you if something happens without consequence.
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hey! well not sure if this will answer your question, but i would sit down and have a talk with her. don't tell her that you went on the computer and saw her stuff, because that will just make her mad and she will refuse to listen to you. just casually bring up over dinner or shopping that you saw something on TV about all these kids that have been hurt because they talked to strangers online. just talk to her about it, as if she's an adult and you're having a discussion with her about the issue. don't accuse her, ask for her opinions... that kind of thing. she will deffinitely listen, and she will be happy that you are treating her like an adult! you can maybe even say something like "im glad i don't have to worry about you because i know you wouldn't talk to people you don't know." it will deffinitely work, because when my 14 year old sister got a myspace i freaked out about it (being the older overprotective sister) and i had a talk with her about how dangerous it is. less than a month later, she shut her account down on her own! :) good luck and don't worry too much!!
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Dear Worried Mom,
I'd say you have good reason to be concerned. I recently saw a program (60 Minutes, 48 Hours, or one of those) about online preditors and this was exactly what they did. They'd pose as a peer to gain the trust of the potential target and then asked seemingly innocient questions that gave them the info they wanted. I know it must be difficult to determine if this online individual is friend or foe, but better safe than sorry!
It's never too late to begin informing yourself on the subject, and I'm guessing you could google for information and resources (books, articles, TV shows) that might be more helpful. Might your local Police Dept. have some suggestions? Could the school have someone come to an assembly or one of the classes to educate kids on this subject?
In the meantime, talk with your daughter about your concerns. Stress to her that she's NOT give out personal information like, where she lives etc. Somehow bring up those "fishy, strange" questions and tell her why it's suspecious subject matter for an online relationship. Explain to her that online there's no way to verify that he is who he says he is.
I wish I could be of more help, and I commend you for being proactive on behalf of your daughter's welfare.
I wish you well.
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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i think the more you try to restrain her from chatting, she'll do it more.
and she'll keep it from you and when things happen... it'll be too late to do anything about it.
what you can do is trust her. she is 16. but talk to her often enough to learn about who she is chattin with online. and always warn her about the dangers of meeting online friends from time to time.
and try not to peep into her stuff. it's invading of privacy. :)
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Well, obviously, if the person is asking her questions about what school she goes to and who she hangs out with, it's not someone she knows in person and hasn't know for a long time. Maybe she met him off of Myspace?
I'm sure she'll be very upset with you if she finds that you've been looking through her computer. What I think you should do (which is how I would want to be approached if you were my father) is share with her what you've heard about girls meeting people on the internet as a casual conversation and ask her what she thinks of it. If you and her are close, you'll get a truthful answer as long as you don't accuse her of anything. Tell her that you trust her and trust that she wouldn't do something that careless.
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