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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

im 22yrs will turn 23 next june. i am an average guy to the core.. like really average that goes or my looks to spirit. still living with my parents because no balls to move out. i attempted college but couldn't even finish the first year. i want to do IT or Cyber security i do find that interesting. but im not that smart or rather i know im very lazy just not willing to care enough to try my best. though i took 4 attempts at college and the last term i attend i couldn't handle it so i just stopped showing up. so i failed and my gpa went from 3.0 to 1.4. i dont think i can get financial aid anymore because of it... my parents cant help but want to help as much they can. i cant do that to them my father works 75-80hrs a week and my mother works 40 i have two little sister age 16 and 10... with that said yeah we are not poor but live a hard life. my parents never take time for themselves and i feel like worthless son... i love them so much. i attempted to work and help and college ... but all that i failed at....i really gave an effort but i work or go to college for few months then i feel so much pressure .. fear... anxiety that i cant take it and i quit. i have friends who are doing good now and try to help but i dont want that...i wanna be independent but i dont know how i can be. most of the time i rather be left alone i dont always like to hang with my friends i rather be on my room.. yeah iknow in my comfort zone...pathetic.

things i want ...
i wanna get my BS but dont know how i can pay for it. cant do much with a $9hr wage. only jobs i can get are with that pay rate.

i wanna move out. so my parents have one less kid to worry about and feed even tho its 22yrs old.

have my BS use it to get decent job.. i dont need a a lot of money i just want a comfortable life where i can help myself and my parents.

with alll this in my head i still dont know where to start what to do .. how to do it .. how to pay for college..can i get over my laziness or my anxiety and get my head out of my a@@ and get to work?


hate on this... tell me i am a loser or give me advise anything is appreciated.

what I wonder is if you've ever talked to a college counselor. I understand todays times are hard and there are more 20 somethings living with parents or parents moving in with successful grown kids simply because it truly is too hard to make it on ones owns anymore. This should not be something you feel bad about.

I would say you need to think of something you are good at, however small or insignificant you may think and do that whenever you feel down on yourself.
However you may have to face the fact that doing the same as you have done isn't getting you ahead so you need to try something different.
It sounds like schooling is out of the question for the moment until you can get some therapy to help you work past whatever is holding you back from acheivements. This may mean that even tho you are working min. wage and working on your anxieties fears, ect... with a counselor or psychologist who in particular advertises that they are trained in CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy which means that our actions are fueled by our thought life. So if you don't like your actions, then its time to focus on your thought life and distorted thinking can easily be responsible in part and a Dr. can determine what else. Best thing is, CBT is not medicinal but actual teaching, retraining with homework of things you are given to do to get past your fears or anxieties.

Don't think there isn't any hope. My own nephew quit job after job and just sat at home with a Dad who did everything and a Mom too ill to work so money is tight. He recently got a job with a moving company and is earning big bucks cus they move the expensive and priceless stuff. This in turn has helped him to feel better about himself and he is exactly your age.

Basically you need to look at what needs accomplishing and put the goals in the right order. Getting into college and graduating shouldn't be the first thing on the list until you have gotten yourself to a point where you are ready to be a student, or even a worker in a job.
You may not be able to afford college in your 20s. It may have to wait until you are older and have accomplished earning as much as possible so you can get out on your own, perhaps share apt with a couple friends to cut costs or even just rent a bedroom with common areas shared in a home but you need to be working for that and you already know you have trouble sticking with a job.

I won't say its all roses out there. I have to put up with some crummy management at times. But at least I focus on what I can personally do to make things better. See, I can't change what other people say, do or think but I can improve myself. I have learned to go from just doing the basics in a job position to taking pride in my job ability, to go well beyond what is expected of me. Its hard getting there, but if you push yourself to get to this state of mind, the self pride when you know you've done well, even if not one person compliments you or acknowledges it (that happens a lot) there will be more willingness on your part to keep with it. Do I aspire to be a minimum wage worker? No...but I have dreams for still owning my own business even though I am in my 50s. Its never too late unless you're dead.

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My alcoholic mother neglected my education from age 5 by "unschooling" me (it's code for lazy parents who are too prideful to admit their failure in homeschooling) I'm going to be 18 next year and I've never been so depressed and hopeless.

I tried to motivate myself to catch up academically years ago, but it just made me too upset to even open a text book.

I have no idea what to do. I feel like I have no future.

I agree with Rainhorse that the mind at this age is going to suck up information like a sponge and learn. I started school a year late due to when my birthday fell and even still it was a struggle as I wasn't quite ready. The subjects i struggled with in school no longer are a struggle when I got out of High school and as I became older.

So what can you do? You'd need to talk to someone about what kind of classes and tutoring there is in your area so you can get caught up on your basic education. If it involves things like being able to read and write, those are vital to function in society and you can learn those quickly with a tutor. Since you are at the age others would be entering college, My best guess would be to talk to a counselor at your local community college, not for joining college but to see if they have info or can steer you in the right direction as they'd have the best idea of what studies you need to be able to pass, what classes there may be for adults to attend to get what in US is called the GED, general education degree. This would be what I would try if in your shoes.

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I'm in college and I feel like I don't have any "good" friends. I just moved recently so I haven't been able to many any new friends yet, just some new acquaintances.

Anyways, my best friend I've known for 8 years, but I feel like she's totally stuck on herself. All she ever talks about is what's going on in her life and I can literally be crying and she just keeps talking about herself. She talks to me throughout the day everyday, but it's always all about her. If I say something about me or my life she totally ignores it and keeps talking about herself.

She's also obsessed with her boyfriend. I haven't seen her in a year because she only hangs out with him and now he lives with her so I'm probably never going to see her again. I fully expect her to marry him because he's her first boyfriend and no matter what he does he can do no wrong in her eyes. He's a complete loser, who works two days a week PT, does drugs, drinks alcohol and has a useless bachelors degree. Even though she wants to marry him ASAP (they've only been together a year) he tells her to her face all the time that he wouldn't marry her and doesn't plan on getting married for a long time. Yet she still stays with him.

She also always talks me into breaking up with my boyfriends and will research all of their information to dig up dirt on them without me asking. Now I can't tell her anything about who I'm dating because she'll point out all their flaws and rips them apart and I realized she wants me to be alone so she can brag about her boyfriend.


Next my other best friend I've known for four years but a year ago she got pregnant and now she never leaves her house and stays with her abusive husband who only married her because he got her pregnant (literally the day he found out they went and got marriage papers so he wouldn't look bad to his family). They didn't even have a wedding. He's choked her and hit her before but she refuses to leave him no matter how much help I offer her. I also never see her anymore because her husband won't let me in the house. Once the cops were called when he choked her and threw her onto the ground telling her he would kill her in front of the baby and the neighbors overheard. She lied to the cops and said nothing was happening and continued to live with him.

My next friend is a guy and his wife hates me because she thinks we're secretly dating when we're not. She constantly talks about me behind my back and says things that aren't true. He comforts me and that's nice, but then he tells me all about how much his wife hates me and I'm sick of it. He also always insists on coming over (every single day) and then gets upset when I refuse to let him.

I feel like I have rotten friends and I want to be rid of all of them, but I don't have any other friends right now since I've moved and everybody else stopped contacting me when that happened.

I hate to lose my friends, but they're all incredibly negative sources of energy in my life. I feel like they're all making bad life decisions while I'm just trying to get my degree and make a good life for myself. I also hate being alone though and without anybody to lean on I feel depressed and anxious so I put up with them because I don't have anybody else. :(

Its hard to keep a positive outlook when around negative people or enjoy being around those who only want to use you, called a fairweather friend and when theres storms in their life, thats the only time you hear from them. Then with the abused gal, there is help but she has to come to a place of being brave enough to make that step and no one can give a person the strength and guts to do so theirselves. So it sounds like you need to make new fr iends. Join some clubs. Learn how to walk up to people and start a conversation. Thats how you gain a few new friends here and there. If you need help knowing how to approach people for conversation, let me know and I'll help. Otherwise, do your best to make new friends. And whenever you feel depressed about your situation, if you decide to dwell on those negative sad thoughts, your emotions will only get worse cus you are feeding your fears and such.

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Me and My husband always get into fight nowadays. he always make small things into big deal. Every time we fight I'm always controlling myself not fight back. Although its not my fault. I think I can no longer hold my temper.

Iam from Philippines

So you are saying that only happens these days, currently but it wasn't the case in the past? If so, then something must have changed in your lives to bring bring to his life. When people are stressed, instead of finding proper ways to release stress, they tend to dump on the people closest to them. In my case I too had to remain silent because defending myself or arguing added fuel to his fire. You can't reason with such a people. It takes outside help. In our case, we saw a counselor. I would suggest you folks talking to someone too. Perhaps the Dr. can determine what has caused this change. However if he's been like this all along as in my case with my ex, he only got worse as the years went by and A dR. determined that He also had some mental illness causing problems and he didn't want to follow treatment and kept saying he wasn't the problem. When you end up at such a stalemate, then you either stay and be miserable with him or you leave. I don't know living situations and marital laws are in Phillipines. You may be better off checking with a counselor first near you.

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How do I find out is sperm, while try to finger wife and found some greese look like sperm. We haven't have sex yet. Her personality was bitch act no mud. Showing her self mean and urgment.

Sperm is not visible to the naked eye, only by telescope. Only the fluid it travels in can be seen in a males ejaculate.
Now if you had not entered her yet, and you had none of your precum on your fingers that entered her, then it wasnt from you.

Whatever you saw could have been several things. Two are normal, one is her version of precum, a lubricating liquid that is thicker like a mans cum to prepare for him to enter and the other can be the more watery liquid is she is a squirter, meaning when she has g spot orgasm from fingering, her cum goes via a tube to her bladder
or some women, it comes flowing out of vagina.

What is not normal is if it smells bad, off, and if she's having any rashes, itching, or a cottage cheese looking material which means she either has a yeast infection or vaginitis. It may be best for her to go see her gynecologist.
As for her acting mean or argumentative...if shes always like that, then its just who she is deep down inside at c ore. If only happened she acted this way this one time recently, then its more likely she was embarassed to be found having this problem and like many people wanted to deny it. Humanas are afraid of learning they may be ill and need to see a Dr. And she just may be one to get mean and self defensive even if the both of you are not sure what this is. I suggest again seeing her Dr. asap for help to clear that up and if nothing is wrong there, then discuss with Dr. her stress and personality. It just may be she has some form of Pre Menstrual syndromed which does alter how women feel and act as far as emotions plus more.

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So I have an issue with myself. I have endured a major depression far too long to count on my fingers. Thinking for a while, I feel as if being abundantly passionate about someone or something will help reduce my depression. And the one being I love more than anyone or anything is Jesus. He's the first to come into mind when I asked myself, "What am I most passionate about?" I became passionate about Him when I had a vision of Him in a tan and red robe holding His hand out to me. He looked rather serious, but I feel it's because I was very suicidal at the time and He takes that seriously.

I was wondering if there's any super religious people here who could tell me how I could increase my passion. Like what all should I learn? What can I do to show Him more passion and love?

You have two issues listed, the depression you suffer from and wanting to find ways to show more passion and love to Jesus.

You only seemed to be asking the end one but if you don't mind, I will address both.

To answer the last, I must first describe in my own words what I feel the difference is between the descriptions 'religious or super religious' versus spiritual. I hope this helps you see how my experiences with religious vs spiritual may make the difference in you achieving what you are wishing for.
Religion, or religious to me is more about the structure, scaffolding of a building, like the church along with all its doctrines and beliefs and even the bible scolds longer established believers for still following the program for baby believers who are spoon fed, milk and cereal so to speak. Quite often, thats the case and no one grows past a certain point in their faith because what isn't being taught as much or in the right way is that God did not create religion and His goal is not for us to be religious but to have a personal relationship with him, and that to me is what is called being a spiritual person.
God is spirit, so we must interact with him on the spiritual level. All Jesus ever wanted was for us to have a personal relationship with him and His Father and of course Holy Spirit.

Lets go over the definition of passion: a strong feeling of enthusiasm or excitement for something or about doing something.
Here's where it gets hard for humans who really operate mostly on a physical level in our existence and really have no idea or little knowledge of how to operate on a spiritual level. We don't know what to do to get from the physical to the spiritual level let alone be excited about it to the point that all you ever think about, do or time flies cus you are so absorbed by it.
Also keep in mind that a relating to Jesus is much the same as how we relate to people. However we need to 'discover' exactly what that relationship should look like and feel like. The church has a set 'recipe' or 'one size fits all' teaching on how to have a relationship with Jesus that doesn't work for all because we as souls are all at different levels in our spiritual walk so what applies to one doesnt work for another. Who knows you better than anyone else but the Creator. So this is what I suggest you do. Ask Jesus. You can get what worked for me but you and I may be two very different individuals. I once told God that I wanted to know I was pleasing him and doing whatever it is he gave me to do. It didnt have to be grand in the churchs eyes, like a missionary. Maybe all you do is make sack lunches and hand them out to the homeless. Is that any less important? None of my kids have the same natural talents but I am no less pleased or happy with receiving a fancy stored bought gift or a thoughtful deed or kind words. All of it is part of the love language. There are 5 basic types, written about originally by Gary Chapman a Christian writer and though originally it was written to help Marriage relationships, it applies just as well to any relationships, kids too and God too although it that context, its more about ideas of how you can show God you love him. I'd look for it at local library or go to a bookstore, its a wonderful, insightful book. Heres one link to look up.

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/gary-chapman/

Basically hon, we can't have a relationship with anyone, person or God if we don't spend any time with them. My style and character is such that I don't like praying wish lists to God or talking in King James or just praying in one sitting...that would be like speaking to my husband only once every day in the morning or at night for a designated amount of time and never again at all for the rest of the day. That would not be the healthiest relationship.
The biggest problem that I see here is most people pray to God but don't hear back so they give up on talking to Him.
So you can have more than just the vision of Him holding his hand out to you, you will need to develop the ability to Hear him as well, cus a one sided conversation doesn't cut it. He is always talking to us, we just don't hear. A pastor once said that in our brain is something like a spiritual muscle that need to be exercised regularly to get strong enough to be able to pull in the 'signals' or conversations from God just the same like a radio. If not tuned to the exact station, you either hear nothing or lots of crackle and static or weak sounding speech barely discernible. Its not easy at first and you will spend much time feeling like you're doing all the talking but its worth it in the end.
An example from my life: remember me saying I want to please Him, much like King David did, a man after Gods own heart, just that I was a woman.
Twice, total strangers praying at two Christian events I attended told me they had a message for me but they didn't understand it and told me,
"He is pleased with you." I told them it made perfect sense as that was what I was always asking God myself. ONce I got halfway good at hearing gods voice, He gave me assignments like, "See that guy at the back of church, he's got a bad headache and needs it gone. Go pray for HIm.
Heck that was scary....what if I heard wrong. It took years after able to hear God to get the confidence that I was truly hearing correctly and not doubting myself, from going thru countless little assignments like that from God. And then came the morning the relationship felt very real when a new CHristian song came on the car radio as I drove to work. I talk out loud to myself often and it was really a terrible song so I just spoke out loud, "That song doesnt do anything for me!" and Immediately in my head I heard Gods comment as my own voice, "It doesnt do anything for me either!" And I laughed all the way to work knowing God is real, has a sense of humor and really does have lots of informal communication like that with me. It isn't all instructions and such. You could study too. Ask at your local Christian bookstore for what you are
looking for. But do work on the personal relationship as far as learning to really be able to hear HIm and then get your instruction straight from Him.

As for your depression, I do not not how bad or if you've been seen and diagnosed or even tried anything for your situation. But if you didn't have to suffer from depression, would you be willing to do whatever it is to be okay?

HOw else can I explain...hmmm. A car when its tank is out of gas will not perform for you at all. Your brain too can run out of 'gas', only its called neuro-transmitters in this case, (NTs)
And when the level of neuro-transmitters which are responsible for your keeping a healthy mind that in turn keeps your emotions on a good happy level runs too low or totally runs out, you are depressed. Depressed is another term for being too low on something so now you know why the condition is called depression.
The good thing is only a small percent of people still require man made meds that resemble NTs to help you feel better. Tests done have revealed that the greater amount of people simply run out of NT's cus their body can't produce them fast enough. And we use up NTs to deal with the stresses in life. If you didnt refill a gas tank, your car would eventually not work. So, there are things that even psychologists know of that work although not all Drs are on the same page or have explored the non medical help.
Some of the quickest ways to raise your level of NTs is to subject yourself to certain things or conditions which help you to naturally begin producing more of what you need for your mind to be able to handle stresses. We can't get rid of stress but there are things that may help. If not, then I would suggest after trying the list and no feeling better, to seek out a Dr.

Laughter: Yes, theres a reason its called the best medicine. So try to watch some comedies or hang out with an extremely funny person for a couple hours and laugh yourself silly.

Movement: Some people claim to feel better after exercise like a jog or a run. For those who don't like that type of exercise, skipping or bike riding, or dancing can do the same. Pretty much as long as you are doing the exercise long enough.

Hugs: NOt talking about weak quick side ways hugs, those are useless in my experience. HUgs are one of the fasteset ways for me to feel immediately better, like a rush of NTs were just manufactured. Talking about full front on big bear hugs, the kind that last more than 3 seconds which is most common. People seem to be afraid to touch longer. I mean 10 to 15 sec to start and on occasion see if you can go for longer. You need someone really willing to help who cares about you...a family member, best friend and what you'd hopefully feel is what I feel in this case, my heart feeling really light and like a helium balloon feels like it is just floating right up out of my chest. It is I suppose this feeling that scares off some who have never been raised in a hugging family and so they are missing out on one of the best ways to feel better.

Songs: You may have lots of styles of music and songs you really like and like to dance or move to. But what I am talking about here is not the words, just the melody and chords used in a particular combo that give you the same reaction of your heart feeling lighter and floating. For example, There are about 5 songs I rotate and use for this setting the song on repeat and I'll listen to it until I feel better. A song that does this for me is the melody of "Clocks" by Coldplay. Everyone is different here in what actual melodys will work for them so start now to check out the music you have, figure it out ahead of time. PUt the best ones on your computer and use headset if it would disturb people otherwise and just listen til you feel a change after 2 or 3 times, maybe it'll take 6 or so on a really bad day.

This basics list is the same thing a psychologist gave my daughter when she was d epressed after a bad break up and wasn't getting back to normal. SHe used her one free visit thru her job to go see him and since she couldn't afford further appts. he gave her this list and told her to use it. It wasn't as fully explained as mine but the same things I just mentioned were on it. I had already told her about these things but she didn't try them...after all, I'm just Mom, what do I know? Hehehe, and then when she got that list she was shocked and did follow the advice and it worked for her. Now hers was not clinical depression, neither is mine. HOwever, there are people who have suffered every day year in year out for ages with no relief who were helped and not by medications, simply from reading books by a psychologist who chose to teach the average person rather than more psychologists that there is a good alternative for most people and I would have to guess it was high like 80, 90% of people,
and that author Drs name is David D. Burns, and he has a website. I've read "Feeling good, the new mood therapy" focused more on depression and "When Anxiety Attacks" more on anxieties but depression and anxieties do tend to work hand in hand so there seems to be overlap in the same kinds of things that work for one works for the other. Here's His site and I hope this helps you dear. If you need any more convincing to check into the type of treatments he does which is CBT cognitive behavioral therapy and another with the acronym of T.E.A.M. that he personally came up with, heres a quick story of my past. I used to have extreme social anxieties as a kid growing up, couldn't even look people in the eyes, it scared me. So in my Sr. yr of HS I was finally sick and tired of being this way and I asked Jesus for help, how to get over this and healed. He gave me one instruction at a time to master until I was ready for the next and decades later, I read When Anxiety Attacks and was amazed to find that the exact treatment given for that particular anxiety in his book was the exact things that Jesus told me long ago that healed me. So I am serious when I mention these books. I loved the videos of the Dr. explaining how he got started in this and the comments from readers who had suffered all their life, some in old age, who were finally healed as soon as using his material. There are mores Dr.s everywhere using CBT and thats what you look for if you need to or ask on the website for referrals if reading the book isn't enough. It truly is quite overwhelming a read and hard to interpret yourself and exactlty which set of things is causing your issues cus it can be more than one.
HEres the site and do write back to let me know how any of this works for you.
https://feelinggood.com/

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im girl 17,i told my classmate(boy) who is also my crush in the concrete i gave him a note, saying i like him..two days later, i asked him to talk about it bc he didnt give any respond and i wanted to how he feels ,during school,i asked him if we could go and talk somewhere private , he said it is nice that i told him about my feelings for him,he also told me that he know how hard it must´ve been for me to hide my feelings from him.then he said he doesnt have time for relationship bc he has activites besides school (he plays guitar, he dances)and also he told me he firstly wants to develop more spiritually..(if that makes sense) bc we go to catholic church ,and then he hugged me saying that we should continue to be friends and then i deleted him from my friends on fb during summer holidays bc i was always checking if he is online.now is new school year and he found out i removed him from my friends on fb, and he texted me why i did that, and if he did something wrong he is sorry , i told him i did it bc it hurts me and that i dont want to be friends, and he said it´s ok, i thought it would hurt less, but it hurts me more ,now i ignore him bc i dont know how to act to him..he sent me friend request on fb but i didnt accept it yet..he was good friend to me before i told him about my feelings..please help me should i be his friend again or not? if yes what should i tell him? , and if so should i tell him why i suddenly accepted his friend request on fb,what should i tell him that what´s changed?
i just dont know if i should do it or not bc i dont know if he even cares about me?..now im ignoring him, i try not to look into his eyes directly :Ddd...why this happens all the time...that i like boy who doesnt like me ??

Hello dear. YOu have written me before with this exact same question. I answered in full and you acknowledged it. So this sending of question may be a mistake??? I am pretty sure you also posted this again after my answer for the entire group to choose to answer or not. You may want to go back a ways to see what my answer was as I would otherwise have to answer you from scratch typing the whole thing again. I was out sick for about 2 weeks so this would be at least 2 if not more weeks ago, I'm guessing around 3 weeks?

If you never read it, I can understand, just go look for it now. Its happened to others too, missing one response out of many or forgetting to go back and check. If however you did read it, and are asking the same things again, I don't have anything to add and I wouldn't change what I said.
To be honest, I don't see where the guy did anything wrong. Its more of a common misunderstanding that teen girls get into regarding understanding guys and also understanding some basics about relationships and chemistry with people. That would take me a whole book to write to you to really help you.
Theres definitely some distorted thoughts adding to your emotional distress going on here and there is running from an issue, not facing it. Life doesn't always go as planned dear or as we wish. Now is the time to learn and this is a perfect opportunity for you and trust me, there will be many in life. I am in late 50s and trust me, the issues never stop coming at me. Its how I learn to handle them ever increasingly better, even if just a tiny bit. So do go look for my answer. If you can't find it, let me know but in short, theres no reason why you can't be friendly towards him, even friends. However since you have feelings for him, its best to keep him on the outer circle of friends, more like acquaintences, not close friends as it is just hurtful to try and stay close with someone who doesnt feel the same as you. ANd as to your last question, why does every boy you like not like you....that question would be called something like an "All or nothing statement" or 'out of proportion' by counselors or psychlogists of which I am neither but I do read enough and know people helped by such counseling. So what I would share in a book to you would answer that last question and you'd see that there is hope. Insteadf of writing that much, I try to refer gals to the books I have read that I feel may help, or even you tube video's or blogs and columns so I don't physically have to type every word already shared in a book.

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Hello, I'm freaking out and don't know what to do. I'm completely out of money and overdrafted by -$10 in my account.

I'm a college student who just moved off to college less than a month ago and found a new job three weeks ago. It turned out though that in the first two weeks my job didn't give me very many hours as I was training so I only wound up with about $110 for the first week and haven't been paid yet for this last week and won't be paid for this week until next Thursday or later.

My issue is that I have a car payment and car insurance which totals about $425 together and my car insurance was taken out this morning, which is what overdrafted me.

I even sold a watch that I loved to make money ($80) but I sold it online and now I won't get paid for it until the buyer gets it and accepts it, but who knows when that will be when I just shipped it today.


My car payment ($316) is due on the 26th and though I have a grace period I have no idea how I'm going to be able to make this!!!

Fortunately, because I am a college student I at least have a meal plan so I can depend on that for food during the week. However, I have no money for food on the weekends or anything else I might need. I'm also 100 miles behind on an oil change in my car so I don't even feel safe driving it and it needs a synthetic change which is $60! I don't know what to do, I feel like everything is a giant disaster right now!


I can't ask my mom or dad for money because they don't have any to spare and I'm stuck on campus without any friends since I'm new here.


Please help me with some ideas!


With college being the most important thing to you to do well and complete, everything else you may want right now has to fall to a lower importance or need. I do not know if the car is your only transportation to school because you only said you moved to college which I can take to mean you either are living on campus or it was your choice of word to describe 'starting' college.

We live in a world where your and my generation as an older adult were still raised in a time of things being instant gratification instead of waiting a long time until we have enough to make a full purchase with no payments. In the set up of today, the bank wins and so many people lose.

I do not know if this is a newer car or an older one. Ideally you would have worked as a teen before college, saved every penny and bought your car outright fully paid for. This will take needing a Dad or a male you trust to go with you if you decide to still do this. Since the car is what is strapping you currently.
Sometimes Hon, we need to make do with less in this type of economy and work our way up to what we really want a lot more slowly. Example, I am currently living out of my van with hubby. It is our home and transportation. Until we can get into low income housing, we have to prioritize our needs and car repair for several grand came first. I hate having to go another winter living in my van but as much as I don't like it, or how inconvenient it may be, having my own place to live right now is an impossibility.
I know you may not have wanted to hear this but either you sell the car or if its a lease, turn it in and do without. Or get a much older but still reliable one which due to age will have lower insurance and car tabs. You probably have 4 yrs of college ahead, and 4 yrs of money being tight and juggling to make ends meet EVEN with your job. If you are living on campus and only need occasional transportation, perhaps something a lot smaller like a moped will do. Heck I even did that for the first few years of marriage when I was 20 and money was real tight and I had sold my car too and made these switches.
Whatever you do, don't go silent with the folks you owe money to. Do call and explain your situation. I don't know what if anything they can arrange and take a much later pmt. but silence is NOT the way to go and I have paid many a bill late. Learned the hard way that a business was much harder on me if I didn't let them know what was going on. However it can be very helpful to just be up front and let them know whats up and not just hope that a grace period is gonna help. Grace period means you're already not paying on time and it will look bad on your record with any business not to mention credit ratings in the future.
As for oil changes, I had a car that required the synthetic oil change too. My 2nd husband and a mechanic friend told me that it is 'suggested' to get it for better performance, at least with the VW I had but that a regular oil change would not kill the car or create major problems. A few people I checked with said it wasn't necessary. But just as a healthy body needs proper nutrition to function at its best, we dont always eat healthy a 100% of the time and it still doesnt kill us. Same with the car. If you put in a couple of regular oil changes and switch off later with using the synthetic it should be okay. But you may want to ask a few mechanics, not oil change places, what they have to say about reg.vs synthetic oil for the make of car you have.

As for instant money, there aren't many options. Even if you could find some other relatives with money to help out this time, what happens next time? There should be buffer income not assigned for any bills just in case of things like this. You may want to sit down and look at you will be earning and if its something that goes up and down in hrs, like my job, then you're in a bad spot, not being able to plan. If its the only job that fits your school schedule, then because of the unpredictability of a set income weekly or monthly, the best is to not overload yourself so that you are riding the line of the limit of your income. I know it sucks not having transportation but I do not know what other monthly bills and commitments you have.

So I have no solution for immediately other than to try to use a pawn shop if theres anything else you can sell. However, it only will help you to get by this one time. What do you do the next time something unexpected happens, a tire goes flat and you need a new one for an example....???

If you choose to try pawn shops, to get your item back you'd have to pay them in time or lose your item. The money they give you is always way below fair market value since they make their money by good second hand prices on the things they sell. So whatever you are offered at one place, dont jump at it, go to several different pawn shops and see which will offer the most money. If you just want the money and dont care about getting your thing back, then you can plan on not paying them to get things out of hawk.
Lastly, even if the parents don't have the cash, did they have any good suggestions for you or did you not tell them? I am removed from knowing all details of your situation unlike them so they may have some better suggestions. Sorry hon, but it certainly isn't easy being an adult and having all these worries of having to handle things. It was so much easier when we were kids and the parents took care of everything, huh?

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well in my school we had this exam and one guy i thought trusted me and i thought we were like best friends.So while the exam goes on he asks me the answers and i have to tell him bcuz i trusted him and he helped me out few times. but then after the exam the marks got out.i had way better marks than him. he is telling everyone that i'm a jerk, lier, cheater.i never thought he would do that. help me pls. and dont ask me that y i told him the answers in the first place.i know, i was stupid. he is passing false rumor abt me. wat should i do. say something or let him do this to me. What should i tell him.btw i cant tell anyone bcuz reasons. and he has like a gang and does this. i mean its been over a year now. i have to do something. but WHAT?? i'm in a such bad situation. i thought he was the nicest guy i knew but i guess not.
:(

This seems to boil down to bullying by intimidation.
When ever there are bad people about, you try not to get noticed by them. If you are noticed by them, the next step is cut down amount of contact and only pretend to be friends whether you truly are or not cus if you're not their enemy, they place you in Their camp so therefore friends.

I believe this should be handled much the same as other bullying. If you think you had a choice to refuse to answer him on the test, think, just what would have happened if you refused and then you have your answer. If you didn't feel like your well being/life was threatened in any way by refusing, then all it adds up to is a bad mistake. You could talk to a school counselor without mentioning names but thats your choice. Once stuck in such a situation, theres no easy way out. This may have to be handled in the future as a bullying thing. The fact there will be more tests and exams and this guy "Expecting" you to supply the answers mean you need to make a choice..was this the last time? If so, don't just cut him off without saying why. Pick a time he seems to be in a good mood. Then let him know that from the start, you didn't want to do this, and wanted to keep yourself out of trouble and its your choice but you will no longer be helping out. The last test was a wake up call for you just how quick things can be going a way you don't want. While you never gave him false answers ever, he may have hurried or not heard you clearly, but don't say sorry or such cus all that does is state that he was in the right and you were wrong when you know he's wrong. If the worst is the lies he's making up about you, I'd consider myself having got off easy. If his threats don't amount to more than saying bad things about you, then you'll have to live with it cus you've already decided not to tell anyone other than on here I suppose. I may have read this wrong and you meant the event happened a year ago and he is still saying bad things about you. If thats the case, then you already know thatd as long as he's in your life and see's you on a regular basis that this kind of behavior from him is going to continue and has for a year already. Guys who like the run the edge of doing wrong, breaking rules, etc... do not change much and they don't like extra work. its got to be easy or they make someone else do it as in the case of studying for a test. He won't do it cus he's too lazy and its too much effort. So he made you do it or you volunteered to get on his good side which once you've spun em around like a top, you realize, there isn't a good side. So no, he is not the nicest guy but they same the same of men who shot their wife and kids and lastly themselves. No body could see it coming. Its in the consistantcy that a person acts one way or the other whether you can tell what kind of person and what kind of morals they have. This could well change for him as he grows up. But it is what he is currently and you can't be messing with it. After all, kids who really know you if not easily influeneced by the thoughts and sayings and actions of others, will know you well enough to know this isn't you and is just how he gets back at people he thinks has crossed him.

Since its been a year since this particular test if I am right, he's got a long memory and as long as he sees you he will continue. So, either go to a different school, get home schooled which includes telling the parents for those somewhat solutions of how to remove him from your day. Or you wait until you both have graduated and gone different ways so you hopefully never see him again. Other than that, theres no way to talk to anyone and get a solution other than having a talk with the guy himself and I can't say what to do here. Its up to you whether to try and talk to the guy or just cut it off here and learn how to deal with and live with the not so nice consequences. Now if you think this might have a chance as a personal threat case, the school principle and police would need to be advised. Assault and battery are very real charges. And it involves the exact threat of what they will do to you, even if they never do but you think they will, thats bullying. Its considered assault if they threatened, or simply attacked your person with the intent to scare you into c ompliance but werent able to carry thru on the threats. Like, if you don't shut up now I will throw this bottle at you and then they throw a glass bottle at your head meaning to hurt or scare you and even if the shot missed, thats assault. Battery is when the threat goes thru successfully. So really, if ALL you want is this case to go away, more of what you are doing will likely not change things quick enough for your liking as in waiting a handful of years until neither of you know where the other person is or what they're doing. This means that by reasoning this out, you can see that something different from what you've been doing must happen for this to stop. I had something similar go on with me at times at school. My parents were newly from another country and just could not imagine that what I told them was true and so I didnt have help from there and bullying wasn't in the news yet. Hope this all gave you some things to think about. For all I know,, you may be at the police stage already. Until you decide what you will do, best thing is to say nothing but if you do speak to him, record it on your phone for feature evidence in case he tries to switch things on you again.




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I'm a socially awkward/ socially anxious person but I can talk to other girls no problem (unless they look snobby or give bad vibes) but I can't talk to guys at all I don't have any guy friends, I have guy acquaintances through my friends that are girls, but I don't really have any guy friends at all, in elementary school (elementary for me ended in grade 8) I didn't have this problem heck one of my best friends was a guy, but as soon as high school started everything changed. The guys at my school were complete douchebags they judged people based on appearances and would make fun of you without even knowing you. These guys gave me the impression that guys were idiots so I started only hanging out with girls, I can talk to certain guys but not guys that are physically attractive because I feel like they're gonna judge my appearance like the guys in my high school did. If I listed what those guys would do/say about me this post would be way too long. I'm already socially awkward as it is but now that I'm in university I don't only want girlfriends I want guy friends too but it's just hard because of how awkward I am and the because of the past. Whenever a guy (that's attractive) comes near me I get dizzy and anxious and can't really form anything cool to say. I've always wanted a relationship but I feel like I shouldn't even bothering trying to get into a relationship first (not that I even know how) without even having a guy friend. Please help with any tips and tricks. I'm 17 years old in university i will be 18 in two months and if you couldn't tell I'm a female as well lol

Youre already better off than I was at your age or lets say younger. In HS I couldn't talk to any people unless they spoke to me first. I've since learned that a large amount of people are very friendly but for some reason don't face their fears and work on it.
Since you're in Univ. and already have no problem with talking to a girl, I know you will master this easily. In fact, you may find it to be fun like a game but its serious stuff.

The reason its hard to approach or talk to an attractive guy over an average one makes total sense. We don't have to worry about the impression we are personally going to make on the one we aren't interested in. NO watching of all our move and words which can steal the pleasure right out of anything. So thats why you have no idea what to say. When our minds experience their first moment of panic in this area, all the concentration in the world won't help you regain your last thoughts or focus on new ones. Yes, I have been there. It was the last year of HS before I was sick and tired enough of being this way to do something about it.

I can't say whether you are ready but one thing that is a MUST here, is that whatever you do, you do not back down from fears. This whole exercise will be one to show you how little we think our fears hold us back and whats stranger, how easy I found it was to face my fears. There is a tipping point which once you get past it fear wise, you won't have fears again at all cus by experience you've proven to yourself that nothing terrible happened and you move on from there. Its all about facing your fears.
Start where you are already at. I had problems meeting peoples eyes when talking to them or starting conversation. Heres goes:

Overcome Shyness

I used to be so shy I wouldn't get up to use the pencil sharpener in grade school because I didn't want the other kids to stare at me. I refused to do book reports for fear of speaking in front of the class. So my grades would suffer. In contrast, my dad was a very friendly extroverted person and always bringing home new friends he had made. Us kids liked it cus these “uncles” would bring candy for us and many had accents from around the world with lots of interesting stories too.

It took until I was about 16 before I decided I was sick and tired of being so shy. I didn't have the guts to just switch behavior and start talking. Strange how I never thought to talk to my dad about that and get help from him. So I prayed and asked God for help (He knows each of us better than anyone )
and here's the answers I got. It sure helped me and I know it will help you. You can skip any steps you already have mastered.
None of this involves using people you already know because you already have some comfort level there For this exercise, you will have to drop the teaching, “Never talk to strangers”. Just use common sense and talk to people in public places where other people are around and don't go off alone with anyone. So here's your lesson.

1. Smile at strangers every day as you come across them. When you are comfortable with this, move on to step 2
2. Smile and add saying hello to people you don't know. This is already harder because your mind will be going, "They're gonna think I'm nuts cus I am saying hi and they dont even know me." When you can do this without feeling awkward or shy, move to step 3
3. Smile and say hi to and then pay a compliment to another person you don't know. It could be telling the grocery clerk you love her necklace. Keep paying compliments to people until you can do so without being fearful of their reaction or simply the act of doing it.
4. Smile, say Hi, and start a conversation with a stranger. Here's an example. When I'd be at a clothing rack and another woman was there...no matter her age, I would make a comment to her about the clothing. I'd pull something off the rack and ask what she thinks of it for me.
Keep trying statements with a question to get responses from a person. If they don't open up and start responding and sharing some of their story or thoughts then they are part of the 10 % of people who are hermit like and don't like being around people or talking to them. I took a class that taught about personality types and discovered that 90% of people are very friendly but will not start conversation first. If you can learn to start conversation first, in every situation, you will find that the majority of people respond in a very friendly and supportive way. They won't find the fact that you start talking too weird. Once they figure you're a naturally friendly person you will see them willingly respond back and share bits and pieces of information and such.
I was trying to pick ripe but not over ripe melon one time when an older woman was tapping and listening to the melons. I asked what she was doing and she explained that there is a certain sound it makes so I learned something. Later we bump into each other in another aisle, and I say, "Well Hello again!" Her response, "Hello again. Do you use coupons?" "Sometimes." "Do you buy this product," she shows me something in her cart, "Yes I do." "Well I happen to have a coupon for a great deal on it if you'd like," and without waiting for my response reaches into pocket and hands it to me. You'd be amazed at the conversation you could have with people and be able to share helpful info with them or vice versa. And sometimes in the conversing you may find people who you have some things in common with and you decide to keep in touch with and exchange cell numbers and /or get their name for facebook friending. Once you are comfortable with talking to one person, then its a small matter to talk to groups of people.
This should help you.

I did this for fear of all people but this will work grandly also for your reasons, the fear of attractive males. I know it sounds funny but its not funny to be the one trapped by our own unreasonable thinking. So much of people today have issues with their thought processes, there is a rise in anxieties and depression and the biggest one of all is distorted thinking. The distortion can be as simple as saying aloud to your friends, I am not going to get the part in the play, I just know it, cus I am not tall enough to costar with Tim. This is the
'fortune telling' mode, of predicting the outcome of your future even though you can not direct the outcome of a lot of your future and who ends up liking you is one.

Try this and let me know how it worked for you. Only recently did I find the same techniques listed in a book by Dr. David D. Burns "When Anxieties Attack". It is the exact same plan God gave me decades ago that I already know works.


As for facing your fears, I think next would be, how can I think of things to say to a guy. The exercise should help cus lots pertains to where you find yourself and what the two of you or at least He, is doing. I can walk up to a stranger, a male, ask him few questions about what he is doing and he'll spend the rest of the time talking about himself. I add in compliments and mention things I noticed so he knows I'm really listening. Dating starts as a thing of trials and errors in trying to find a person who will most closely make a best friend for you and also one with whom you have a great sexual connection and love. If you want more help with the actual step of what to say to a guy, give me one recent past situation where you wished you had known what to say and I'll go over it with you giving you answers based off my personality (how i'd answer) at least but it will show you how easy it is.

The biggest thing I had to face was fear of past failures. And fear will be your scariest thing until you get past the initial scare. Its like the bully thing, the bully unable to take what it has been dishing out. So if you stand up to it longer, a debate as simple as asking a guy what he's doing, you'll be shaking with fear as you approach him, fear as you can't make sense of all the paperwork in front of him, fear that you have no idea what you are talking about let alone it being interesting to you at all,, but remember for your treatment its all good, don't avoid any.

A line like "This looks interesting or this looks challenging is usually enough to get a reply. Don't ask close ended questions, ones that can be answered with a yes or no as it stops there then. For more, lets use a real situation of yours that is long past and see if we can discover a better way for you to have handled it and the half dozen conversation starts I can find to it, even perhaps a chance for a light flirt too, all without acting like a giggly school girl.

This means you need to describe a lot to me, The place, setting hot cold, summer, evening, what you all were wearing eating, exact words spoken, and other objects in the picture, maybe you were holding onto an umbrella. I need it all to show you how with a little decision making ahead, just a few seconds ahead based on where you find yourself, you will learn how to spot and create the convo's you want to have and more than one choice too!

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I have a crush on this boy, I've asked a question similar to this in the past about the same one, and trust me when I say its been a roller coaster since then. I had this crush and I confessed my feelings, he said he wanted to get to know me better a few days later. It seems normal, but I recently learned he had a crush on my best friend. I just learned this tidbit of info, and my best friend has never lied to be about something like this before, so I guess it's true. He asked her to my school's homecoming dance right after I told him about how I liked him. My best friend flipped out on him, and I thought that was the end. But he won't get out of my head! He ticks me off so much, yet he's so nice and cute. I want to punch him, yet hold his hand at the same time. I have tried everything to get him out if my head, yet these thoughts keep coming back! I don't know what to do, and these feelings are driving me crazy! Any ideas on how to keep these thoughts out if my head.

You actually gave me food for several different answers of things to address but I will stick with just your title "He won't get out of my head".

When we have something stuck in our heads, it cus we put it there in the first place.
With people rather than things, its more complicated cus theres not just feelings about things anymore but all our emotions are affected by having a date, a sweetheart, a mate.

Next time you have him come to mind, the worst thing you can do is to start thinking about and let your mind go wandering wildly. I beleive most crushes are made up of 10% reality and 90% unreality since it isn't a real relationship between two people and is still one sided until the one makes their move and then theres no guarantee the other will see things and feel things the same way.
The trick is Not dwelling on these thoughts but acknowledging them the moment they appear. If there is something physically you can do about it, then do it, stop thinking it out. But in most cases, there isn't anything you can do and must give yourself this instruction and I am going to say that for you, it must be spoken out loud.
Next time ex crush comes to mind, you say whatever you know the current truth to be, which is that he had a current crush on your best friend. Its not a crime to think of someone, its just when the thinking brings along emotions that are not all the nice ones, that we don't want to think of them. But in your case, its the way to healing. So tell yourself, I have to stop thinking about him cus right now he's interested in ...... and you say it aloud to yourself cus your subconscious mind needs to hear this.
In the first hour, you'll find you caught many thoughts of him and hardly of anything else to accomplish your day. Then after a couple days of tons of thoughts per hour, it slowly goes down and then more, until you can say you went from thinking of a person several times hourly to just a couple times daily.

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i dont know if my rush likes me more than his other crush.im 11 years old.im a girl.i am from Zimbabwe.

I am from the US. So perhaps I am not up on relationships in Zimbabwe. I don't see what you need advice on since it's in your favor and some guy likes you more than another girl.
About all I can see is the other girl getting jealous and getting angry. However there are some things in life we don't have a control over and whether another person see's us romantically or not is one of them. About all we can control is how we react to it. And we can't have a good reaction until we really know the scientifics of what is happening.

You probably think it starts with boy meets girl and girl meets boy Or does it? What is it that makes you attracted to one boy over the other...his looks. But what happened to determine that you like his looks way better than all the other guys. If it was any other way, you could be attracted to dozens of guys all at once. Pheremones is invisible but something our body emits. It is the key ingrediant that c auses one person to notice another person. pretty powerful for something you can't see and at least not detect with your nose as far as you can tell.

People your age and older have wondered about all this for ages.
The best thing I can tell you for your age as far as relationships is to enjoy it and you can't enjoy it if you're always worrying. That was me as a teen, worried and anxious. At this age, boys are just starting to take notice of girls and their notice is usually more of a lustful one than the love filled one a girl hopes for. One can't at 11 or 16, 21 or any age have a successful relationship without practice on how to do things right and what to avoid and these things we all learn by j8st going through it. I can mention ahead so when you do see it happening you know you are on your way to your goal if you have one and I'd make it my goal to learn to understand boys better this year than last, and it can still be fun.
Approach your crush or any other boy you feel attracted enough to and like as a person and ask that male if he will help you to learn to understand guys better. They really do think and come to conclusions very differently than females and it is the cause of many fights and misunderstandings. So next time you hear some guy r epeat a line you don't know what it means, you go to your male friend, tell him the situation and what was said. Although everyone is unique in their personality there are lots of basics were having a crush for this posiiton may help. It gets you to a place of feeling less awkward handling yourself around guys. Another thing to keep in mind is that boys at the same age as you right now are newly discovering another toy, girls. The toys you liked most, you played with most. How does one learn what it is like to hang out with the opposite sex, by doing so. This includes everything. The bad point to all this is, in the end, wehn his defences are down cus he's not guarding as hard since you're just a friend, his senses could come down, and he falls for you. But keep in mind also that relationships in school rarely last a lifetime. After all how many women do you know today who are married to and have kids with their High school prom date. i don't know a single person and I'd be surprised if you did. Relationships at your age are more about quality than quantity. Its about the quality of what you learn to be able to use your whole life rather than how long you can make a relationship last.

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hey im a 15 year old girl from greece.Im kind of worried that i will never find a boyfriend..i mean yes im just 15 too young but when u see your friends having boys and stuff u worrying.I liked some boys..2 of them ver very much but nothing..and i dont thing that im likeable for boys..and im a girl who does not want to be in a relationship just to say it or something so its more difficult because i want to like a lot the boy im going to be in a relationship and never boys im in love or at least i like , likes me back..

And how many hetero sexual girls who never had a male prom date are now married with kids to their High school prom date? I don't know of any. I never had any boyfriends in school and neither did 2 daughters who went with a group of girlfriends.
One is married, the other engaged and expecting. If you can find one girl still with her High school boyfriend 10, 20 or 30 years later, then it is amazing because even those who marry in their 20s (me at 20) have a greater amount who end up divorced and in a better marriage 2nd time around? That would be me too! When we are young, there is so much we don't know yet about ourselves, the male, about dating and relationships and the do's and do nots. These are things that might have made some situations way better, but then again with that information, I might have known my first choice of husband was not a good one and stayed away from him but heck at 20 I felt I was mature. And you may be at 15, but what is lacking at this stage of life is 'life lessons' and that we can only learn 2 ways,
1. Going through it ourselves
2. Hearing the message from others and heeding it

you have nothing to worrry about. You may have heard plenty about boys your age only wanting sex at this age, not a relationship.
Since I havent the time, best I can say right now is learn to tell the difference of what girls call "love' and what a teen boy same age call it. Same word but different actions. She expects a close friend romantic relationship, he is in lust and wants sex. there are exceptions to rules always but the best thing to do Right now is learn to be a close friend of a guy to get used to the idea. Pass this along to the guys you like. Meantion wanting to learn how to act around guys and thoght he might be the friendliest andj most patient and see where that goes.

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Hello.
Well i am a girl, Who usually hangs out with guys because i just can be myself with them and stuff.
Also, we got used to each other and we really enjoy being together. They are frank with me and talk freely abt girls and sex and any subject with me, but they sometime just forget that i am a girl too.
I just want to understand how do they really see me, and would they insult me when they're together like they do with others.
I mean can i believe in friendship btween girls and boys.
PS: one night in the last year, we deeply kissed me and one of them but just moved on it without saying any word about it. And it's just making me so anxious bcz i'm afraid he won't see me the same way as before. We're still as close as before but i'm having those ideas.
What would happen if i was into him or him into me?
Thank u.

So this is a case of opposite sex being best friends and the female starting to have stronger feelings for the guy.
In cases like this, the one with feelings is usually wanting to bring it out into the open thinking that makes it easier. If my crush just knew how I feel about him, he would have an instant desire for more than friendship with me as well. Life doesnt work that way. When alerting a person to the fact that we have a huge crush on them, there's no guarantee that they feel the same.

In fact, the biggest reason to not tell is for the very same reason of wanting to keep such a friend, Indeed if a person A has just learned that person B is in love with them what is that news supposed to do. In a world where everything goes your way, I suppose we hope news of our undyling love would make the other person fall in love with us or at least confess to the lady that he's had a crush on her forever and now they can share that love out in the open.
I don't even know one movie that has a script like that. You have been doing what I suggest as a good way for guys and gals to learn about each other, become their buddy and friend.

What edge does that give you? Probably that fact that the guys know how to talk to you, know some stuff ahout you, getting to skip and hop ahead of the guys.
I used to do the same, hang out with a group of guys wanting to start their own band.

I remember guys liking being able to have a girl on the inside, their wingman, to help with all things girl related.
However, when the conversations got too intimate between myself and one of the guys, thats when they became uncomfortable cus it was now personal.

YOu are probably correct that he won't see you in the same way as before.

Heres a good point to learn right now with future loves. When you are already in love, dont state it as being a fact, only that it is starting to happen. FOr some weird reason, if a guy can hear or figure that that process of you being attach to him is just stating gate. Guys like to trouble solve for gals even when there isn't any trouble. So to come mention it to him that you've in love is like a silent ask of what do we do now? And most guys don't like feeling uncomfortable being around someone with feelings for them that they dont reciprocate. It is less threatening for a guy to hear that you are just begining to have feelings cus this leaves him in a space of feeilng more control and such. Some guys and girls just do better as each others best friends than otherwise. I had more male than females friends growing up. My husband has lots of female friends.
Just make sure to tell the one you told that you were maybe overzealous when you shared that you are s tarting to have feelings for him and wondering how you can to about this now. When you bring the guy in and mention this situation and you want his input and ideas on it, then let him talk. Even if its not what you want to hear, steer the conversation in the direction you want it to go to get the answers you need.


If you've ever wondered why your male friends get along well with you, is it becasue of who you are as a girl that attracted them? Theres two parts to any relationship with men and women, being ones b est friend and the other, each others sexual equals. What you are doing is becoming best friends first and later falling for someone which is harder than the obvious suck face in an instant when 2 are really sexually attracted. ANd that is the type of relationship girls want first up with a guy. Guys wants the sex straight up but would also like opportunity to just become best friends with andd with they g et to the point they no longer wonder what they're buddies think, they are ready for a romantic relationship.

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So im a girl 15 years old from greece.I liked a boy at a party and he liked me too back then..after 3 years a girl told him that i liked him and still like him now! He is 4 years older than me..He said that he also likes me and stuff but just because im 4 years younger he does not want to do something because he wants more than just kisses and things like that..Firstly i know that what he did is very mature and right (something that makes me like him more :P)Anyway this girl says to me that he respects me but i also thing that its rejection..what do u think? and do you think that maybe sometime in the future something can happen? please advise me as more as you can..He is a crush of mine 4 years now...

Honey, that guy was brought up to respect women. So for 3 yrs or whatever the age limit is in Greece, that boy will be respectful. I don't what laws there are in greece but any male caught having sex with a female who isn't yet of the age of consent in the US goes to prison. This guy could be making this decision based on more than just your age but wanting to keep himself on the right side of the law.

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Can you place the virgin pill into your virgina whilst standing?


Apparently, there must be a new product on the market as all I've heard of is a kit for females to pretend they are a virgin for the men who falsely believe that all hymens tear when a female has sex the first time or two.
I can't answer about a pill but suggest that you ask the company who makes it for instructions.

What I am familiar with is a kit with 2 fake vagina's, one for practice and one to put inside when ready.
The 'fake' blood is encased by a vegetable based packet that comes in a roll shape like the vagina. It can't be put in too long before sex as the pouch holding the blood will disintegrate from the heat and moisture of the vagina. The male should be able to insert penis, actually going through the pouch, imagine a donut. Any movement from him can and will tear the pouch releasing fake blood if the simple heat and moisture doesn't first, therefore timing is everything with use of these I would assume that a 'virgin' pill would be the same concept just a smaller pill shaped object to insert and perhaps it may be more durable and last longer before sex. This is why you need to ask the manufacturer about it. I would believe that like a tampon, something like this can be inserted while standing and not fall out but again, its best to ask the people who make it.

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I'm 21 and he's 26 and we've been dating 5 months, I think the age range might have a lot to do with how I feel. I just don't think things are working out. He's a nice guy, but there's a lot of things I don't like.

I'm in college and he graduated a few years ago so his whole life focuses around work. I understand why this is, but here's the thing. I work too, but still I find time for other things. His job isn't even that great, he could do better for his degree, but he got sucked into a job where they lie to him about how much they'll do for him and then every time he gets promoted it's really just a lateral move, but he doesn't see this, which drives me crazy, but I haven't said anything about it because I don't want to hurt his feelings. He doesn't do anything except for work and all his friends are from work. Which is another issue for me.

He wants me to like his friends but they're even older than he is and I see them as very stuffy and boring. I can't relate to much of anything they talk about because their lives are just as boring as his is.

He never wants to try new things. Everything is always the same old same old and his idea of a date is just netflix and chill. I love to cook, but he's very picky about what he'll eat and his taste is almost juvenile. This is another big source of frustration for me. He has such boring taste in everything. We never eat out anywhere with new foods, always just places that serve the same things. I love to try new things.

He never really seems to want to go out and do anything. Whenever we go out he always just seems hooked on his phone playing Pokemon go and within a few hours he wants to go home and watch movies. I love to be doing stuff.

I feel like he exaggerates his accomplishments and qualities to everybody. Like he tells people he was the valedictorian, but that was in high school and his graduating class was only like 25 people (private school). He boasts about being in a fraternity, but that ended 5 years ago. He briefly traveled, but talks to people like he's the know it all of the few places he went. He tells people he's an accountant, but really he just works in a finance department for a call center.

We have issues in bed too, but I don't think he knows (which is my fault, but I feel like it would be a really awkward conversation). He's only ever gotten me off once and it wasn't that great. He's horrible at fingering me and that's one of my bigger turn on's. He's not one for foreplay and he wants to switch positions like every 30 seconds until he gets off which is in like 15-20 minutes. I feel like it's all just for him, which sucks because I always got off with one of my previous ex's. Even when we don't have sex I usually give him a hand job to make him happy. He wants me to go down on him now and I don't want to because I feel like it's not fair that he always gets off and I never do.

Other than those issues, he's a really nice guy which is why I've stayed with him. He's cute and dorky, I like how he dresses. He does things like buy me flowers, chocolates, etc from time to time. We typically get along pretty well. When we argue it's fairly calm. He's a marriage minded too, which I want. I don't want to just endlessly date. He's sweet, he compliments me and makes sure I'm not feeling sad and that I know he's there for me.

Other than those things though, I feel our relationship is just so flat and boring. I've tried to fix it, but it always just turns into the same thing. Like he wanted to go on a "hot date" tonight, but what he had in mind was me coming over to finish a movie with him and staying the night (aka he just wants to netflix and chill). BORING! Why would I even waste my time?

I have way more fun with my friends than I ever have with my boyfriend.

I don't know what to do...I hate starting over because so many guys are just asshats who are 10x worse than my current boyfriend, but I also don't want to be stuck in a boring relationship either! :(


















I know most everyone would probably tell you that if he is boring to you, then yes you should break up. He may not actually be a boring person or his friends either but the fact that you are so different from him in many ways means he is not the right match for you. If this was a mate of many decades and you now found him boring, I would say to go see a couples counselor/marriage counselor.

However, the best way to avoid seeing a counselor in the future is to avoid being with someone who isn't right for you in the first place. I know you likely don't want to be a person who gives up too easily but I don't think that is the case. You mentioned how scary it would be to find someone else when the guys in their 20s are mostly too immature, etc... and worse.

That then brings me to ask you to ask yourself why you want a boyfriend. At your age, you need to still be dating enough different guys thru many separate relationships in order to learn what you like and dont like in a guy. Most females don't want a guy for a short term in their life, They are looking for either a long term committed partner or the kind of guy they can marry and have kids with. Some simply want a guy for social reasons, someone to go to parties with, dancing, etc...

It takes two things to make a solid long lasting happy relationship. One is being each others best friend and the other is being each others best sexual match. You don't seem to have either with him so its a good chance that he is simply wrong for you. If you are curious on how to find Mr. Right and how to navigate the dating world with do's and don't, I think I can help explain. I have documents on the topic already saved and can give it to you if you ask me for it. i think this would help you to weed thru the not so good guys and zero in on what you are looking for. But either way, do not stay with someone not right, simply cus there is no one else promising at the moment.

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A couple months ago I went to a party and got very drunk. A guy gave me a few Xanax pills and some lines of other drugs. We went into a hot tub and the water was too hot so I tried to get out but he pushed my head down under the water and then I blacked out. I came to and I was in a bathroom and my clothes were gone and the door was opening and then I blacked out again. I woke up and he was having sex with me. I blacked out again then woke up and I was blowing him and I tried to stop because I couldn't breathe but I blacked out again. This kept happening throughout the night where I would black out and wake up and he was having sex with me or I would be blowing him or whatever. I'm a recovering drug addict and have been speaking with my AA sponsor about this and she says it was rape. I feel sick and terrible every time I think about it and I can't stop crying. However I feel like it was my fault for getting too drunk, also I don't know if I said no or not because I was blacked out and unconscious the majority of the time it was happening. Was this rape or just me being stupid?

It is never the females fault no matter what. It is the males fault for not exercising self control and just not having sex. It is his fault for choosing to force a female to have sex either by threats of knife, gun or just his own strength or using drugs to take away her ability to resist or say no.


When a female wants sex, she usually will find a friend with benefits or get a boyfriend. She doesnt let her desires for sex let her run rampant thru society, she doesnt walk up to guys and grab their crotch or slap their rear, she doesn't hit the guy til he fall unconscious and then strip him and do blow jobs to first get him erect and then attempt to mount, she doesn't put drugs into his drinks to make him unable to resist, she doesn't do body building to have superior muscle strength to force a man against his will to have sex. stalking a man and attacking him in dark lonely places, etc....... If you c an't imagine doing these kinds of things, because they are wrong, then what makes it wrong for you and right for a male to do? It is never ever right.

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Hello, I know this sounds weird, but lately I've been wondering how my ex-fiance is doing. We were engaged when I was 19 and had been together for two and a half years. Basically we were young and dumb and didn't know how life worked yet. We were fresh out of high school when we moved out of our parents and tried to get our own place and things just kind of crumbled from there due to events like financial troubles, disputing friends, and not sharing common interests.

Anyways after we broke off the engagement we didn't speak for six months because we had a really bad breakup, but then we decided to just be friends. For about a year and a half that worked out, we would just hang out every once in a while, and we both dated other people. I moved away to a different city eventually, but he would still come see me every once in a while and I him. Then he started wanting me back and I made it clear I didn't want him the same way. I was even dating somebody else at the time. After that he pushed me away and said we couldn't even be friends anymore and asked me to block his number. I didn't though because I thought he might just be drunk (he was at a party) and then he texted me again the next night and I answered him. Well he wound up getting mad at me for answering him and asked me why I answered him when he told me to block him so I got mad and really did block him.


It's been almost two years since then and I still hear about him every once in a while from old friends back home. I was thinking about messaging him just to ask how he's doing, but I don't want to stir up any trouble. I'd just like to find out if hes doing okay AS A FRIEND.

I'm currently dating somebody and have been for 4 months and don't want any conflicts arising. I see my ex-fiance as somebody who was my first boo you know and care about him as a person for everything we went through and I also want to find out how his family is doing because I was friends with his sisters, and how his kitty is (I really loved his cat), but I would never get back with him and love my current boyfriend.

Do you think it's a good idea or a bad idea?





For some people, when they have loved but split, the other person will never go out of their mind. My 2nd husband is a good example. His ex has no family but him, his Dad and a daughter they had. She is still near and dear to him as a person, cus if you are a truly loving caring person, you can't callously turn off your concerns for a person, even if you couldn't live with them. And she is a particularly difficult person with her issues but her and I are on friendly terms. So I know what you are saying IS a possibility, its just not a possibility with him as far as you know. Even though he may have changed his mind since a couple years ago, you don't know that. You must operate as if nothing has changed and go with his last wish to not have any contact and be blocked on your phone.

Now, if as mentioned you may be friends with his sisters and parents and want to see them, then there is no reason why you can not except that if calling his family, let them know you'd love to see them but that as far as you know, last instructions from him were not wanting to have any contact so plan a meetup with them when he is not around and they Need to know this bit.

I don't know what your new guy is like but it takes time to build trust in ones partner and for most people, it isn't built in 4 months time so even tho you have no feelings for the ex, you did have a real relationship with being engaged to be married and some guys can get quite jealous of that, not seeing any reason as strong enough to make it worth seeing an old friend just to check on them. He may just believe you still have feelings for the guy.
You need to realize why he made that request in the first place so you can honor his request. the easyest way I know is to put yourself in his shoes or his situation. Lets say the circumstances were switched, that you are the one who after the breakup and the keeping in touch found yourself falling for him all over again. However he was dating someone else and said he didn't want you anymore in the same way. You would have felt heartbroken all over, suffer from the rejection and find that every effort to continue to meet as friends when he asked, just isnt the same now. At this point, every minute spent with him on a visit is just a reminder of what you have lost. To quiet the heart ache some, you would choose to not be in contact in any way shape or form. I have heard this same story told by many people sometimes the males, sometimes the females. It isn't a situation that happens to only one sex.
So his request was entirely reasonable when put that way of looking at it thru his eyes.

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In university well at least in my school since the classes have at least 300-1000 students sometimes they would split us up into smaller class rooms called tutorials with about 50 maximum students. My tutorial teacher doesn't really know how to teach so he forces us to read our assignments out to the class, every Monday I dread going to the tutorial since he always makes us read usually I'm always anxious but today my heart was beating super fast and loud, and my face started getting hot and tingling. Then when it was my turn to read, I read it and he just nodded his head and moved on to the next person but when other people read he would comment so when he nodded my eyes started to water and I had to blink back tears because I didn't wanna cause a scene or bring attention to myself but my eyes were watering for about 20 mins and my heart was still beating fast even after my turn was done, my heart stopped racing really fast after about 10 minutes. I've had something like this before where in grade 12 I was presenting in front of the class with 3 other girls, majority of the class were judgemental people and I don't like being judged, so when it was my turn to speak my eyes started blacking out, I started to stutter and and my face was getting hot and tingly again, luckily my part was small or else I would've fainted right in front of everyone. Anyways do you think this is social anxiety or just panic attacks or both? If I told my tutorial teacher that speaking in front of the class gives me panic attacks do you think he will care or would he ask for a doctors note? (I've had a mini panic attack when I was about 16 and I told my mom, she didn't wanna take me to the doctor because sometimes those pills mess you up) and just a little background information on me I'm a 17 year old female about to be 18 in 2 months, most people would say I'm awkward, shy and quiet. I'm an introvert I don't like socializing with people and I don't like parties or places where I don't know the people cause it's just awkward for me. I don't have any guy friends, most guys think I'm awkward around them when I'm awkward around everybody and that's about it

I had severe social anxiety as a kid and up until my Sr yr in HS when I was finally sick and tired of being this way and wanted to be more like my Dad, outgoing, friendly, able to make friends, self assured and not scared at all. I did pray asking God to help. I was given specific instructions to follow and they worked, I was cured.

Then about 9 mos ago I read a book by a psychologist who tries and uses any and all methods known to Drs. other than trying medicine first and surprisingly, the majority of people, even those who've been this way for years and for whom medicine didn't work, got great results. ANd the biggeset surprise was that what he wrote as the specific thing to do for my type of anxiety is Exactly the same as what I heard from God.

Not being a Dr. myself but someone who knows what it feels like, I believe that anxiety, like the one you have and I had, can open the door to panic attacks. Perhaps other anxieties don't all lead to panic attacks. Like someone who doesnt want to leave the house, as long as they are at home, they are pretty much okay. But we live in a world where we need to talk to people and not being able to do so is easily going to put you into panic attacks. Yes, it all sounds familiar, getting real shaky, and wanting to cry or actually crying. I was so bad that I wouldnt look people in the eyes and just smile. I was afraid that a smile or a Hello would encourage them to talk to me and I was terrified of having to talk to people, so never mind book reports or talking in front of class, that was all beyond terrified, although I don't recall ever blacking out due to it.
So the question I have for you is, would you rather try to get a Drs. note excusing you from talking in class or try ways to get rid of your anxieties and panic attacks, most likely without medication? If you want to work on it, its scary at first but its very simple and I'd be glad to share with you what I did. Today I am someone who goes to meet my new neighbors the day after they move in, I usually start conversations with people rather than wait for them to start, I am friendly and outgoing and have no trouble talking in front of people. In fact, I now enjoy the attention and actually love the challenge of being able to make people laugh. Quite some change.
If you and Mom might like to check out the book and its author, here's his website first:
https://feelinggood.com/
the author is Dr. David D. Burns

and the book is called "When Panic Attacks". I've also read the New Mood Therapy. Go thoroughly thru the website. Watch any videos with Dr. Burns in it to hear his story. He used to push only meds until collegues long ago told him about the other therapies. He became an author to share this information with average people like you and me so that we could know there is hope and that people have been cured.

In one test, patients were told they had to wait for a few weeks to get in for an appt and in the meanwhile to read that book. Before the date of peoples appts with Dr. they were calling to cancel stating tjhey were cured from reading the book.
My opinion is that lots sounds the same, its like a Dr. trying to define just what mental illness a person has as there is much overlay in symptoms. So tho eye opening and helpful, I still found the book a challenge cus he does ask you at the end of a chapter on a particular persons issue to give some answers based on what is going on, what exactly is the person suffering from and I could hardly ever get it right. Its a fine science dear. But in this case, I would suggest seeing a Psychologist, however, only ones trained in CBT cognitive behavioral therapy or something else like that. Medicine though still prescribed is a last choice for those who don't respond to other therapy but luckily it seems that the majority of people, no matter how long affected, or how badly, they recover. I loved reading the comments of those helped in the website.

If you decide to find a Dr. make sure the parents help you find one that does CBT or T.E.A.M. methods and if you can't find one, I would go to the website and ask Dr. Burns for referrals in your area.
Here's hoping to a bright happy future anxiety free for you dear. Good luck!!!

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