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I think my boyfriend is boring...should I break up with him?
I'm 21 and he's 26 and we've been dating 5 months, I think the age range might have a lot to do with how I feel. I just don't think things are working out. He's a nice guy, but there's a lot of things I don't like.
I'm in college and he graduated a few years ago so his whole life focuses around work. I understand why this is, but here's the thing. I work too, but still I find time for other things. His job isn't even that great, he could do better for his degree, but he got sucked into a job where they lie to him about how much they'll do for him and then every time he gets promoted it's really just a lateral move, but he doesn't see this, which drives me crazy, but I haven't said anything about it because I don't want to hurt his feelings. He doesn't do anything except for work and all his friends are from work. Which is another issue for me.
He wants me to like his friends but they're even older than he is and I see them as very stuffy and boring. I can't relate to much of anything they talk about because their lives are just as boring as his is.
He never wants to try new things. Everything is always the same old same old and his idea of a date is just netflix and chill. I love to cook, but he's very picky about what he'll eat and his taste is almost juvenile. This is another big source of frustration for me. He has such boring taste in everything. We never eat out anywhere with new foods, always just places that serve the same things. I love to try new things.
He never really seems to want to go out and do anything. Whenever we go out he always just seems hooked on his phone playing Pokemon go and within a few hours he wants to go home and watch movies. I love to be doing stuff.
I feel like he exaggerates his accomplishments and qualities to everybody. Like he tells people he was the valedictorian, but that was in high school and his graduating class was only like 25 people (private school). He boasts about being in a fraternity, but that ended 5 years ago. He briefly traveled, but talks to people like he's the know it all of the few places he went. He tells people he's an accountant, but really he just works in a finance department for a call center.
We have issues in bed too, but I don't think he knows (which is my fault, but I feel like it would be a really awkward conversation). He's only ever gotten me off once and it wasn't that great. He's horrible at fingering me and that's one of my bigger turn on's. He's not one for foreplay and he wants to switch positions like every 30 seconds until he gets off which is in like 15-20 minutes. I feel like it's all just for him, which sucks because I always got off with one of my previous ex's. Even when we don't have sex I usually give him a hand job to make him happy. He wants me to go down on him now and I don't want to because I feel like it's not fair that he always gets off and I never do.
Other than those issues, he's a really nice guy which is why I've stayed with him. He's cute and dorky, I like how he dresses. He does things like buy me flowers, chocolates, etc from time to time. We typically get along pretty well. When we argue it's fairly calm. He's a marriage minded too, which I want. I don't want to just endlessly date. He's sweet, he compliments me and makes sure I'm not feeling sad and that I know he's there for me.
Other than those things though, I feel our relationship is just so flat and boring. I've tried to fix it, but it always just turns into the same thing. Like he wanted to go on a "hot date" tonight, but what he had in mind was me coming over to finish a movie with him and staying the night (aka he just wants to netflix and chill). BORING! Why would I even waste my time?
I have way more fun with my friends than I ever have with my boyfriend.
I don't know what to do...I hate starting over because so many guys are just asshats who are 10x worse than my current boyfriend, but I also don't want to be stuck in a boring relationship either! :(
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Hey im going to try to help as much as i can if you want to keep this relationship then talk to him about how your feeling about him being boring about how you want to try new things and the sex you need to be happy its not about trying to find another guy after this one you have to do what you need to do what makes you happy in the end and if thats being single then so be it if its with him then so be it but dont stay miserable with someone whos not fulfilling your needs and your desires you are a strong woman and i know in the end you will do what is best for you but if he cant do things that help your relationship then i dont see one and its ok to be single not all men or bad ones you just have to wait and you will find one that you will adore
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I know most everyone would probably tell you that if he is boring to you, then yes you should break up. He may not actually be a boring person or his friends either but the fact that you are so different from him in many ways means he is not the right match for you. If this was a mate of many decades and you now found him boring, I would say to go see a couples counselor/marriage counselor.
However, the best way to avoid seeing a counselor in the future is to avoid being with someone who isn't right for you in the first place. I know you likely don't want to be a person who gives up too easily but I don't think that is the case. You mentioned how scary it would be to find someone else when the guys in their 20s are mostly too immature, etc... and worse.
That then brings me to ask you to ask yourself why you want a boyfriend. At your age, you need to still be dating enough different guys thru many separate relationships in order to learn what you like and dont like in a guy. Most females don't want a guy for a short term in their life, They are looking for either a long term committed partner or the kind of guy they can marry and have kids with. Some simply want a guy for social reasons, someone to go to parties with, dancing, etc...
It takes two things to make a solid long lasting happy relationship. One is being each others best friend and the other is being each others best sexual match. You don't seem to have either with him so its a good chance that he is simply wrong for you. If you are curious on how to find Mr. Right and how to navigate the dating world with do's and don't, I think I can help explain. I have documents on the topic already saved and can give it to you if you ask me for it. i think this would help you to weed thru the not so good guys and zero in on what you are looking for. But either way, do not stay with someone not right, simply cus there is no one else promising at the moment.
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