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I hate all my friends, what do I do?
I'm in college and I feel like I don't have any "good" friends. I just moved recently so I haven't been able to many any new friends yet, just some new acquaintances.
Anyways, my best friend I've known for 8 years, but I feel like she's totally stuck on herself. All she ever talks about is what's going on in her life and I can literally be crying and she just keeps talking about herself. She talks to me throughout the day everyday, but it's always all about her. If I say something about me or my life she totally ignores it and keeps talking about herself.
She's also obsessed with her boyfriend. I haven't seen her in a year because she only hangs out with him and now he lives with her so I'm probably never going to see her again. I fully expect her to marry him because he's her first boyfriend and no matter what he does he can do no wrong in her eyes. He's a complete loser, who works two days a week PT, does drugs, drinks alcohol and has a useless bachelors degree. Even though she wants to marry him ASAP (they've only been together a year) he tells her to her face all the time that he wouldn't marry her and doesn't plan on getting married for a long time. Yet she still stays with him.
She also always talks me into breaking up with my boyfriends and will research all of their information to dig up dirt on them without me asking. Now I can't tell her anything about who I'm dating because she'll point out all their flaws and rips them apart and I realized she wants me to be alone so she can brag about her boyfriend.
Next my other best friend I've known for four years but a year ago she got pregnant and now she never leaves her house and stays with her abusive husband who only married her because he got her pregnant (literally the day he found out they went and got marriage papers so he wouldn't look bad to his family). They didn't even have a wedding. He's choked her and hit her before but she refuses to leave him no matter how much help I offer her. I also never see her anymore because her husband won't let me in the house. Once the cops were called when he choked her and threw her onto the ground telling her he would kill her in front of the baby and the neighbors overheard. She lied to the cops and said nothing was happening and continued to live with him.
My next friend is a guy and his wife hates me because she thinks we're secretly dating when we're not. She constantly talks about me behind my back and says things that aren't true. He comforts me and that's nice, but then he tells me all about how much his wife hates me and I'm sick of it. He also always insists on coming over (every single day) and then gets upset when I refuse to let him.
I feel like I have rotten friends and I want to be rid of all of them, but I don't have any other friends right now since I've moved and everybody else stopped contacting me when that happened.
I hate to lose my friends, but they're all incredibly negative sources of energy in my life. I feel like they're all making bad life decisions while I'm just trying to get my degree and make a good life for myself. I also hate being alone though and without anybody to lean on I feel depressed and anxious so I put up with them because I don't have anybody else. :(
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
So I have to say the first girl you were talking about reminds me SO much of a friend I have. Like everything revolves around them and its so frustrating. I feel like I have to tiptoe around her so she doesn't pick out my flaws or anything. She also has tried to diagnosis me and im like this isn't a good friend. I haven't talked to her in a few weeks and it actually feels amazing like I don't miss her. My anxiety has been such a boost like every time she texted me and I saw her name im like oh god what do I do. You can only help someone so much in your situation but if they don't want to help themselves there's nothing more you can do. Distance yourself from these friends you don't have to totally drop them but they are bringing negativity to your life. Ive been in the same place. Meeting new friends are hard and girls are mean. I know theres a Bumble App its a dating app but you don't have to use that part but theres a part where its Bumble BFF and its girls matching with girls to be friends. Maybe try that? Or even join a sport or a club, or a local gym. Once you distance yourself from these people you will probably feel a weight lifted off your shoulders. I would legit be your friend if you need anyone, Please contact me if you need anything!! xo chin up doll, your going so much further in life.
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From the looks of it, I see the big picture is this:
One friend is narcissistic with a loser boyfriend who doesn't want to marry her (though they've been together for only a year; personally I think that's way too soon but hey, crazier things have happened!).
The next friend has a child with a highly abusive man and continues to stay with him even though doing this puts her and the child more at risk each passing day.
The last friend is pussy-whipped with a wife who has some trust issues.
Baby girl, I'm going to tell you something that my momma always tells me. "It's better to be alone than in bad company."
It really seems to me that your friends have a lot of baggage and want to drag you down to their level. You do not have to put up with any of them. AT ALL. You're young (I'm assuming you are in your early 20s, forgive me if I'm wrong), your life is just starting. Don't subject yourself to that nonsense. You're better than that.
The first and most important step for you to find happiness , is to cut off all contact with these people immediately. Let them figure out their own problems. Let them find you before you try to find them. I promise you that you will feel a weight being lifted off your shoulders.
Second, you're in college (and I am, too!). The opportunities for you to meet new people are ENDLESS. You can talk to someone in your classes, set up a study group. Find a club or two, anything that will fit your fancy and matches your interests. If you can't find anything, see if you can start one. Look up events going on around campus and go to them. VOLUNTEER! It's one of the best ways for college students to get involved and give back to the community!!!
That second step was probably a mouthful for you, but I need to mention another really important step: Learn to be comfortable with yourself. You probably have wanted to do certain things, like attending a concert or something, but you couldn't go because you didn't have any friends to go with. I'm here to tell you that having nobody to go with should NOT prevent you from doing the things you want to do! Go to that concert, go to that painting class, see that movie, visit your favorite restaurant and treat yourself to a one-woman date, get your nails done, JUST DO IT!!! It will feel daunting the first time you do something by yourself. But it gets much easier the more you do it. Don't even think about the fact that you're by yourself. Nobody will wonder "Why is this girl by herself?" Because chances are they're more worried about their own lives to even think about this. After high school, literally NOBODY cares if someone is alone doing whatever.
This concludes my answer. The big picture: Drop those zeroes and focus on bettering yourself. Be your own best friend! It's much better to have ZERO friends than a bunch of phonies, fakes, liars, and negative-vibes-people as friends. Surround yourself with positive people, positive things, positive actions, and positive causes. If it does sound hard to you at first, know that nothing in life is gonna come easy. You have to just try. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. I'll be rooting for you...don't give up! ♥
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Its hard to keep a positive outlook when around negative people or enjoy being around those who only want to use you, called a fairweather friend and when theres storms in their life, thats the only time you hear from them. Then with the abused gal, there is help but she has to come to a place of being brave enough to make that step and no one can give a person the strength and guts to do so theirselves. So it sounds like you need to make new fr iends. Join some clubs. Learn how to walk up to people and start a conversation. Thats how you gain a few new friends here and there. If you need help knowing how to approach people for conversation, let me know and I'll help. Otherwise, do your best to make new friends. And whenever you feel depressed about your situation, if you decide to dwell on those negative sad thoughts, your emotions will only get worse cus you are feeding your fears and such.
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First of all let me just start buy saying that you have awful friends. They are to self involved and have a lot of baggage.
My advice to you is to distance yourself from them, from what you wrote it sounds like you really tried to help and be there for them. There is an African proverb that says '" you can take a donkey to the river but you can't force it to drink the water'" same thing applies to you friends, you can offer you help but you can't force them to accept it. The best thing you can do for you is to move on, get friends that will appreciate you. you are in college for God's sake, you should be going out, having fun not cleaning up other peoples mess.
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