Member Since: October 21, 2016
Answers: 2
Last Update: October 21, 2016
Visitors: 511
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I thought by the time i graduated high school I would've escaped being the third friend and for once finally be someone's priority. If you don't know what a third friend is it's basically third wheeling two bestfriends, no matter how many times I've tried in all my group of friends I was always the third friend. So university comes around and I made two new friends from my schools Facebook page, none of us knew each other prior to the page but once we did we all became like a little trio, so me and let's say Amber used to talk every single day in the summer until we met and now I'm even lucky enough to receive a response from her, she said she's always busy with school which I believe her because she's in the sciences and plays on the variety team so I never see her around campus or talk to her online as much cause she doesn't respond and is too busy to hangout. Now the other friend lets called her Kayla is in the sciences too she's busy but not as busy as Amber but she's always studying so I never see her on campus either. With Kayla is have to always message her first or we're not talking, so far Kayla and Amber have hung out twice without inviting me, the first time I let it slide cause I wasn't at school but now today they're hanging out and it just hurts because ever since school started I've been trying to hangout with them and they would always blow me off and say they're busy. Amber never replies to my messages anymore either but I know she's not too busy for Kayla. So should I just drop them and try making new friends? Since apparently they're already bffs now, I feel like if I don't message them at all I won't hear from them at all. (link)
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Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. Being the third wheel in any situation is the worst thing ever. The short answer is, yes. Drop them and make some new friends.
The long answer is, don't bother trying to message them again. If they've already blown you off twice in the past, what are the odds they won't do it again? Any "friend" that says that they're too busy to hang with you but are hanging with others is not the kind of friend you need. It's better to just have no friends than flakes as friends. Since you're in college, there should be plenty of opportunities for you to meet new people!
I hope this answer helps you in some way. :)
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I'm in college and I feel like I don't have any "good" friends. I just moved recently so I haven't been able to many any new friends yet, just some new acquaintances.
Anyways, my best friend I've known for 8 years, but I feel like she's totally stuck on herself. All she ever talks about is what's going on in her life and I can literally be crying and she just keeps talking about herself. She talks to me throughout the day everyday, but it's always all about her. If I say something about me or my life she totally ignores it and keeps talking about herself.
She's also obsessed with her boyfriend. I haven't seen her in a year because she only hangs out with him and now he lives with her so I'm probably never going to see her again. I fully expect her to marry him because he's her first boyfriend and no matter what he does he can do no wrong in her eyes. He's a complete loser, who works two days a week PT, does drugs, drinks alcohol and has a useless bachelors degree. Even though she wants to marry him ASAP (they've only been together a year) he tells her to her face all the time that he wouldn't marry her and doesn't plan on getting married for a long time. Yet she still stays with him.
She also always talks me into breaking up with my boyfriends and will research all of their information to dig up dirt on them without me asking. Now I can't tell her anything about who I'm dating because she'll point out all their flaws and rips them apart and I realized she wants me to be alone so she can brag about her boyfriend.
Next my other best friend I've known for four years but a year ago she got pregnant and now she never leaves her house and stays with her abusive husband who only married her because he got her pregnant (literally the day he found out they went and got marriage papers so he wouldn't look bad to his family). They didn't even have a wedding. He's choked her and hit her before but she refuses to leave him no matter how much help I offer her. I also never see her anymore because her husband won't let me in the house. Once the cops were called when he choked her and threw her onto the ground telling her he would kill her in front of the baby and the neighbors overheard. She lied to the cops and said nothing was happening and continued to live with him.
My next friend is a guy and his wife hates me because she thinks we're secretly dating when we're not. She constantly talks about me behind my back and says things that aren't true. He comforts me and that's nice, but then he tells me all about how much his wife hates me and I'm sick of it. He also always insists on coming over (every single day) and then gets upset when I refuse to let him.
I feel like I have rotten friends and I want to be rid of all of them, but I don't have any other friends right now since I've moved and everybody else stopped contacting me when that happened.
I hate to lose my friends, but they're all incredibly negative sources of energy in my life. I feel like they're all making bad life decisions while I'm just trying to get my degree and make a good life for myself. I also hate being alone though and without anybody to lean on I feel depressed and anxious so I put up with them because I don't have anybody else. :(
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From the looks of it, I see the big picture is this:
One friend is narcissistic with a loser boyfriend who doesn't want to marry her (though they've been together for only a year; personally I think that's way too soon but hey, crazier things have happened!).
The next friend has a child with a highly abusive man and continues to stay with him even though doing this puts her and the child more at risk each passing day.
The last friend is pussy-whipped with a wife who has some trust issues.
Baby girl, I'm going to tell you something that my momma always tells me. "It's better to be alone than in bad company."
It really seems to me that your friends have a lot of baggage and want to drag you down to their level. You do not have to put up with any of them. AT ALL. You're young (I'm assuming you are in your early 20s, forgive me if I'm wrong), your life is just starting. Don't subject yourself to that nonsense. You're better than that.
The first and most important step for you to find happiness , is to cut off all contact with these people immediately. Let them figure out their own problems. Let them find you before you try to find them. I promise you that you will feel a weight being lifted off your shoulders.
Second, you're in college (and I am, too!). The opportunities for you to meet new people are ENDLESS. You can talk to someone in your classes, set up a study group. Find a club or two, anything that will fit your fancy and matches your interests. If you can't find anything, see if you can start one. Look up events going on around campus and go to them. VOLUNTEER! It's one of the best ways for college students to get involved and give back to the community!!!
That second step was probably a mouthful for you, but I need to mention another really important step: Learn to be comfortable with yourself. You probably have wanted to do certain things, like attending a concert or something, but you couldn't go because you didn't have any friends to go with. I'm here to tell you that having nobody to go with should NOT prevent you from doing the things you want to do! Go to that concert, go to that painting class, see that movie, visit your favorite restaurant and treat yourself to a one-woman date, get your nails done, JUST DO IT!!! It will feel daunting the first time you do something by yourself. But it gets much easier the more you do it. Don't even think about the fact that you're by yourself. Nobody will wonder "Why is this girl by herself?" Because chances are they're more worried about their own lives to even think about this. After high school, literally NOBODY cares if someone is alone doing whatever.
This concludes my answer. The big picture: Drop those zeroes and focus on bettering yourself. Be your own best friend! It's much better to have ZERO friends than a bunch of phonies, fakes, liars, and negative-vibes-people as friends. Surround yourself with positive people, positive things, positive actions, and positive causes. If it does sound hard to you at first, know that nothing in life is gonna come easy. You have to just try. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. I'll be rooting for you...don't give up! ♥
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