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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

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My mother gets angry very easily, and yells and screams at me and my younger brother almost every day, although it is more often at me. I did do something wrong, but it is often very trivial (or at least I think so), like me leaving my sweater on the floor and forgetting to pick it up. She often says derogatory things to me, things like, "You don't deserve this", or "When you grow up, you'll become a stupid, useless, lazy person." She gets in my face a lot, but it has never escalated to anything physical. However, there are times when she is kind, and although she never apologizes for screaming at me, it's not like I have a bad life. My family is well-off, and I'm grateful for that so I feel a little guilty writing this. I know she cares, but it's getting a little too much to handle her moods. Even when me and my mother are having a normal conversation, it often quickly escalates to her yelling at me or calling me fat or telling me my future is going nowhere. I want to know, does this count as verbal abuse?

Yes what you describe is verbal abuse something you grandparents most likely inflicted on your mother. Back then there were not the safeguards in place that are there for you today.

You can go to a trusted teacher or your school principal and explain as you have to us. They are required by law to notify the proper authorities to intervene. Your local children and family services will come out and talk with you mom and dad if he is in the picture.

There are many reasons from emotional to physical as to why your mom acts the is way. Family services will see to it that you mom gets the help she needs to become a better parent.

Should thing ever escalate to where mom starts hitting you take your younger brother and go to the nearest Fire or Police station or call 911. Now there is a difference between a spanking and hitting. Parents are allowed to discipline. A hand spanking is not abuse. Use of a paddle,hairbrush, belt or cane is abusive and not allowed. IF this were to occur you have every right to call 911 for help and should do so.

He has been rapping me and letting his friends have sex with me and now he wants me to have sex with a Great Dane dog

if you have the ability and time to write to us then you have the ability to leave him unless he also has you imprisoned in some manner.

If you cannot leave because he is holding you against your will and you have no other way to communicate other then on the web then do so in the manner. Most local and state Police have websites or Facebook pages you can message them on. Message them with as much information as to where you are and they will come and get you.

If you do not know where you are or can't find your local police on Facebook the contact the FBI. There web address is FBI,gov.

My question is because of my situation I want to know if there are people out there who will help others to start over and first listen to exactly what the problem was how it was resolved and what the outcome is been and how much it's destroyed my life and I want to know if there's organizations or people out there that are willing to help out an individual who is able to be helped and get on their feet to once again regain their life. I am not looking for Access welfare or I'm not looking for clinics like cope and mental health places I'm perfectly sane and understand exactly what my thoughts are in exactly where I'm at in life but it's so overwhelming that I need someone or would like someone who's able to help a person get on their feet through guidance and direction and positive support because I have none and I I'm a person who is worth and is able to be lifted up off their feet I just don't know who to ask I don't know where to go and I'm searching for help

There is not enough information her to offer you much in the way of information you are looking for. What I can say is YES there are agencies and organizations that will help you.

From what you have written I don't believe a life coach is right for you. You need something much different starting with a mental heath professional like a psychologist to help you understand your thoughts.

For the rest of the help you are looking for more information is needed starting with:

1. Your age

2. Your sex

3 Just what you see as the problems you face and the type of support you think you need.

We need to know more about the problem(s) in life you are facing, why you feel you are not getting the support you need to grow and prosper. Without this information we cannot offer you the best advice possible.

I'm in a horrible situation and need help fast. I'm 22 and he is 22, slightly younger than me. I have no one to talk to because I'm not supposed to be talking to him. I met this guy a year ago through a friend when he moved here from another state. He was staying with his friend who lived with my friend. I was also moving into an apartment at the same time. It's my first apartment and I got it all on my own. Me, jumping into adult life quickly, I let this guy stay at my apartment and then lived there and we were dating. Things got real ugly. Long story shot, I've called the cops on him 3 times, had him sent to a mental help place for saying he was going to kill himself, and he's punched a hole through my door and stolen hundreds from me, both cash from my wallet and items that were sold. He's broken 2 or 3 of his phones, smashed electronics I bought, screamed at me making me hyperventilate and lock myself in the bathroom to call the cops.
At one point, I told my parents what happened and my dad came down from another state to stay with me and change my locks because I didn't feel safe. He also pushed me into going to the police station to start the process of a restraining order against this guy.
We had a court date set. To give you an idea of how careless this guy is, he brought over flowers when he knew my dad was here staying with me after all of this. He does NOT think things through or think of consequences.
I didn't know where he was at this time. The court date was probably a week away and I was having second thoughts about a restraining order. I even went to a center for women who are abused to talk to them and get some insight on whether I should go through with it. I was torn. He was my best friend. One night when I was home alone, I started to think a lot and cry and I called him.
He was staying at a friend's apartment not far from me. I told him to just not go to the court date and I wouldn't either. I mostly just felt that he was my best friend and I couldn't do it. I was so close to him. We related a lot. Soon after, the restraining order case was dropped, and the lease was ending at the apartment he was staying at.
I, unfortunately, allowed him in. I told him it was temporary, and that I didn't want to date. But I couldn't let him live on the street or at a shelter. But, he sleeps with me and we act like a couple in secret.

Now, he's gone through MANY jobs and can't keep one. Constantly asks for money and things that I believe he'll pay me back for. He smokes marijuana outside of my apartment (I do NOT smoke). He does not pay rent. I have to watch what I say. I can't bring any friends over. I can't talk to anyone about it. I measure how mad he is by how hard he slams the door. I am CONSTANTLY STRESSED. I work so much and he just stays here.
Out of fear, I can't say too much how I don't want to be kissing him or talking sweet to him because he gets extremely upset and cries and will scream. So I live, just, carefully and it's the same stuff every day.
I'm so sorry this is long. I really, really need help. I am SO stuck.
My dad is moving down here and he cannot be here. But he has no where to go. So I told him a month ago he needed to be out. It's now that time and only now he is messaging people for somewhere to live and no one is answering. Do I just stand my ground and say he needs to be out by tomorrow night regardless? He's saying he'll live in his car, but he doesn't realize what that all entails. His parents won't even take him back. No friends. I can't do this anymore. I want to be free. What would you do?

He is 22 it is time for him to put on his big boy pants and be an adult. By forcing him out you are performing an act of tough love which from what you have written is what he needs. By Housing him,feeding him and everything else you may do for him you are enabling him to never stand on his own two feet.

He may need professional help to find himself and become an adult. With an enabler doing for him he has not hit the low he needs to hit to be motivated to help himself. HE needs to hit bottom before he will seek proper help and you must allow that to happen or he never will.

From what you have written you are in a very toxic relationship. You need to stand your ground and have him leave your apartment. You also have to make sure he never is able to return

Now every state has different laws regarding matters like this. Basically given the time he has lived there he can voluntarily move out but if you want him out he needs to be evicted as your home is also his home even though he does not pay rent. He lives with you, he sleeps with you and he receives his mail at your apartment. Your home is his home therefore he needs to be legally evicted,

You need to do two things to make his removal permanent. First file again for the restraining order. Second see the clerk of the Court at District Court and file for eviction of him. Once evicted he can no longer claim resident status. Then you can change the locks again.

I recently found out that my father has gotten married for the sixth time. I haven't seen him in five years. I am currently seventeen and live in Kentucky. I know that my father is an abusive, selfish man. He cheats constantly. He has a thing for young girls. Girls my age, and he's around forty now. I don't know his wife's age, but I do know that she will be abused emotionally and physically. I am honestly amazed that someone as lazy as him could put so much effort into tearing down another person. He never keeps a job for longer than a month, never pays child support, and just generally does little to support his children or anyone else. He preys on vulnerable women, finding younger girls with low self esteem, who are easy to manipulate. I need to know, is there anything I can do about this? Anything at all? Legally or otherwise. I feel responsible for this, for this woman's safety and for my father's actions. I know I'm doing nothing wrong myself, but years ago I watched this man put a young woman in the hospital. I need to do something. So please. If there's anything you can think of, any way I could make the authorities intervene, please tell me.

Let me start by saying you are in no way responsible for your father or his actions. I understand your concern for the safety of the young women he is seeking out to marry.

Your feeling of the need to warn them is not a responsibility; it is more of a need or a desire to try and protect them. If you truly feel it is a responsibility to the definition of the word. Then I would suggest you seek out therapy with a psychologist as this feeling of responsibility for your fathers actions is wrong and will cause you problems later in life.

As long as the girls your father seeks to woo and marry are of legal age to consent there is not much the authorities can do to stop a marriage. Once they are married domestic violence laws differ from state to state. Your local library should have a copy of the Stat code for your state where you can read up on the domestic violence law. Mental abuse is generally not covered under that law only physical abuse.

Was your father charged with domestic violence when he put that women in the hospital? In some states the police can make the charge in others the victim must file the charge.

Many victims of domestic violence will not file any charges. They feel because of the mental abuse which accompany the physical abuse they are wrong.

What I'm about to say now may offend you but you have asked what you can do and this is something you can do should you chose to.

If your father was not charged with Domestic Violence and the state has a domestic violence law then there is a statue of limitation as to how long you have to file charges. If you know the women and can find her and talk to her. Then try and convince her she did nothing wrong and that your father needs to learn he cannot do this to her or those that came before her or the ones who will come after her. Convince her to file charges and you can talk to the District Attorney or States Attorney as to whether you would be a good witness for the prosecution.

Your father will not stop abusing women until he is stopped or he kills someone. Abuser have a personality defect that they have to recognize and learn to control as personality defect cannot be fixed with a pill.

Men who abuse women will continue to do so and many will end up hurting a women to the point the police will have no choice then to file attempted murder charges. One way or the other your father will eventually end up facing a judge. At the moment you can control what the charge could be.

Hi,

I'll keep this short but this may not be the correct category.

I was adopted at twelve years old. Went to live with them that summer prior to my October birthday. Thus, I was eleven in their household. I was in a fosterhome and loved by my foster parents. Genuinely loved.

My parents by adoption never grew to love me. They use to tell me they loved me unconditional because they're super Christian Methodists. Of which they may not be truly saved Christians but that's not what I'm going on about. I never believed they loved me because of the constant mild neglect throughout all the years. Turns out although they had everyone fooled, I was right. They recently admitted it saying, "I never grew to love you as a child. I am so sorry! There's no room in me." The truth made me appreciative to have obtained. However, I'm bent out of shape. This hurts really deeply. To the core even. It cuts me. I spent about 14 years not being loved by them. Because they didn't love me and I was often isolated with just them and not really around others except church and the school year I began to withdraw more and more. Their lack of love made me hollow inside. I think it was because I couldn't handle it and still struggle to handle it. It hurts to feel. To feel this.

I can see I might not be letting others in and I can't help it. I have this mark on me that I can't be loved. I know it isn't true but I keep pushing people away saying silently, "You're better off." Since I was adopted and over the years, the people that loved me before don't anymore. Everyone eventually stopped loving me. I feel like it is because the curse they placed on me. How do I cut off these binds? I'm SO used to them. I'm used to feeling unloved. I don't know if I can let go. I don't like holding on but it comforts me, oddly.

It seems that someone is concerned about my well-being that may want to be friends with me. I can't seem to let her be my friend. She says she's worried about me. I can't seem to empathize with her nor feel if there's a true feeling of concern there. I don't want to grieve her but inside I can't help but have a disbelief in me that she could feel concern.

I don't make any sense do I?

I'm sorry your adoptive parent never came to love you. Adopted children are considered very special because their parent chose them. My cousin was adopted by my Aunt and Uncle. It’s funny that he and I have always enjoyed a very special relationship. A family love for each other that had existed long before I was told or he was told that he was adopted. That relationship still exists between us even though we are separated by over a thousand miles.

Reading the note to use I can feel the hurt you feel. We all want someone to love us and to hold us especially when are world crashes around us. You for your reasons can't allow someone to get close enough to have that person.

It is not your fault you are this way it is a defense mechanism you built so not to be hurt. You need to tear down this wall you built around you and for that you are going to need help. I suggest you contact a psychologist for talk therapy. The psychologist becomes that best friend you don't have that you can talk to and tell you darkest secrets. Though the talk therapy the psychologist will pin point how you were hurt and help you overcome it and deal with it properly.

If you have health insurance through your employer you most likely have an Employee Assistance Program (EAP). If you do have an EAP program, Human Recourses or the owner would know, get the contact number and ask them to find you a psychologist. Generally they will give you a list to pick from. I would suggest you might be more comfortable with a female. Pick one and they will contact them saying you will call for an appointment. Generally that appointment and a few more are covered in full by the program then you medical insurance will kick in to the extent of whatever coverage is offered.

IF you do not have an EAP program call your local hospitals' Patient referral line for a referral.

My mother fought for me to get disability when I was 12 and it carried on that she is my payee even though I am an adult without guardianship. My mom has become really abusive to the point I had to call the police because she was pulling my hair and hitting me in my head with her fists . They highly suggested I change my payee and move out. They drove me to my aunt's house so I didn't have to be there anymore. My mom only gives me $40.00 a week,but when she gets mad she dosent give that and then if she does give it to me and if she gets mad after I get she takes it out of my purse of takes the whole purse. I am getting sick and tired of it. I am just scared she will get mad if I do.

The first thing you need to do is contact Social Security. You can do this by phone by calling 1-800-772-1213. Ask them how your records read, ask them if your records show you mother as your guardian or having any financial power of attorney over you. If they answer is no ask, if a “MY Social Security Account,” open under your social security number. If there is one ask if they can close it, or change the password to one you can use for your mom and not you is controlling it and you want control over your checks and that you will be opening a bank account to have your checks sent directly to your bank. Then go to a Bank that mom does not use and open a checking account. Most banks will open one for as little as $10.00 and no fees if you are having direct deposits which you will be. Then if you can use the My Social Security Account you can change the payee and have the checks sent directly to your checking account just follow the prompts or you can go to a Social security office near you and they will make the changes for you

When you were 12 and a minor your mom as your parent was your guardian and fully responsible for all of your care and financial affairs. When you became of legal age, generally considered to be 18 and not considered to be mentally disabled, Social Security should have sent you a notice to change the payee. If you are not mentally disabled it is possible that your mother has you sign something called a “Financial Power of Attorney form,” which would allow her to continue to receive your checks and control your finances. Do you remember signing any forms around the time of your 18th birthday?

IF you are capable of caring for yourself and your finances and you mom tricked you into signing that form she has committed a crime of Larceny and falsifying a federal document. She could go to jail and be made to pay you restitution if convicted on these charges. It is very possible that while you are explaining to Social Security why it has taken you nine years to make the change in payee that they may want to investigate and charge your mother with these crimes. That money from the time you were r12 is meant to be used in your best interest and support. Should mom have tricked you into signing a power of attorney form and cannot prove this money was used in your best interest she has committed a third crime.

I would suggest before you do anything that you seek the help of a lawyer. If you can’t afford one go to the legal aid society and they will appoint one for you.

I am a 27 year old female and this party Tuesday on Valentine's Dayi was sleep I woke up with my mom yelling at me about leaving the porch light on well the problem with her thinking I left the porch light on is that I was in my room asleep the whole time. I told her that and she called me a liar. Then she accused me of taking my nephew's pain medicine.I have never stolen anything from my mom in my life . I have 2 bottles of the same pain medicine that were prescribed by my dentist so why would I need to steal his. I get a disability check when I called the cops they took me to my aunt's and they suggested that I need to change my payee.I am scared my mom will get mad if I do that. Should I change my payee?

I'm not sure I understand your question. Unless your disability is such that the courts have given your mother guardianship over you your checks should be made out to you. If you became disabled while a minor of course your checks would be made out to a parent or guardian.

If you do not require a guardian to monitor your finances then their is no reason for your mother or anyone else to be the payee on your disability checks. So by all means have the payee change to yourself. IF you do require someone to monitor your finances you can request that someone else be made your guardian and that your finances be administered by and independent third party such as a lawyer, accountant or Bank Trust Department.

If I have misunderstood your question please clarify and I will attempt to answer you again.

So I pretty much want to forget about my dad he hurt me a lot and I even searched the internet for help but nothing helped me My dad was abusive and he cheated on my mom a lot. He also sexually assaulted me when I was little. Pretty much my mother had me at a young age around 15. And my 'father' was fine and all as I can recall. But when my mother left to work he would bring me with him and he would pick up a woman and bring them over to our house and well you know have sex with them. What was worse is that I had to be in the room with them when they were doing that, I remember when he did that and he turned all the lights off cuz u suppose he didn't want me to see I dont know and when he did I would cry silenty. He left me when I was 5 and I never knew he was abusive towards my mother till the day he hit her in front of me and my brother and I tried defending her and when she called the police he left and I heard he is in mexico now I always try forgetting him but its hard and he pretty much affected my life. Please give me some advice......

You don't say how old you are now. If you are an adult then you should do as I am going to suggest. If you are under 18 you will need to ask your mom to get the help I am going to recommend.

First I'm sorry that you had to live through this abuse from your dad. One question did your father ever sexually abuse you. If the answer is yes then I would suggest you make a police report. There is no statute of limitations on sexual abuse. If your father is in Mexico and does reenter the U.S. he will be arrested at the border. Child sexual abuse cannot be tolerated and his arrest for sexually abusing you will be a big help in putting the past behind you.

Rainhourse88 is correct you can never forget something that has happened to you. What you can do is learn how to handle it in a manner that doesn't ruin the rest of your life. I learned this myself very recently when an auto accident disabled me and turned my whole world upside down. I sought therapy with a psychologist for help with what was my new world. She saw something and kept hammering at it. I was reluctant but she finally got it out of me.

I won't go into detail other than to say I learned I came from a dysfunctional family. I spoke to my sister about what I learned and she went into therapy too. We are both much happier today because instead of having these thoughts deeply buried we have learned to deal with them.

This is what I believe you need to do is to speak with a qualified therapist who can help you put what has happened to you in the proper prospective so you can deal with it properly. My sister and I are lucky in that we both have very supportive spouses who also worked with us while we worked with the therapist.

You need to find a good therapist. Someone you are willing to tell your deepest darkest secrets to knowing full well what is said in therapy stays in therapy. I went through two before I found the one I could trust and work with. It took time and it was hard work. The work and time was worth it for I am a happier person today even though my disability forced me to give up a job I dearly loved and had to learn to live in a world I was unaccustomed to.

There is no shame in seeing a therapist for help with what you can't deal with for there are something s you just can't share with mom or your closest friend. Sometimes just talking about something is helpful.

If you do not know any therapists call your insurance carrier they can supply a list of Psychologists that are covered under your health Insurance

Hello, I will try to make this as brief as possible. 25/female. I wouldn't say this is an abusive per se relationship but I wasn't sure what other category to put it in.

Through my own fault and life I guess throwing me a really hard lesson, I ended up in a really sticky situation that is slowly turning into a nightmare for which my actions and maturity don't seem adequate. This is why I need some advice. I am now for two years working in a huge company overseas that is a bit eccentric in the way they do things. What do I mean by this is that they like to personally get to know their employees, they invest a lot in their employees and they keep a close tab on them.

In this company the owner saw something in me and recruited me right out of college to train me in different parts of the business. I started out as a project assistant to an up and coming young man who was hired a few months before me but has shown great progress and was given this project. He was way more knowledgeable than me and I started learning from him.

The company is a multi national and we started working together on this project and traveling around the world. At first I was his assistant then through my own efforts and his recommendation I was promoted after a year to be his partner.

Now the terrible lesson and I know this is why all the advice tells you not to do this, but nevertheless we are young and here we are... we fell in love. Hard.

Its one thing to see someone attractive every day. Its another to travel the world with them and accomplish goals and have new experiences. Never mind the fact that this person is an amazing fit to your personality like a glove and you are 23 - 25 years old. Basically it was a perfect situation for a year and a half that sounds like out of a movie. We were really in love.

But we are also really young. And after the first year and a half we were brought back to the country where the company is located because there was a branch of one of the businesses that was in crisis and we were brought in to work on it as a team. So stop the traveling, a steady, stressful position, and we now had to live together in company housing (we had separate rooms but a shared kitchen, common area, everything else).

Now I think its important to mention that we kept the fact that we were in love a secret because we didn't want the company to separate us and we weren't sure what the policy was. There are married couples working in the company so I'm pretty sure its okay but we didn't want to risk it.

I don't know what happened, if the position we were put in was too stressful, tedious day to day, its been almost another year here. And the ease of how we worked so well, life I guess, really got to us because we are just not on the same wavelength anymore. We broke up about 6 months ago. He had cheated, I stopped seeing him the same way, and just... it didn't work out.

The thing is we still had to live and work together and that was a problem. At first it was okay, but I was very hurt by everything and I tried to distance myself from him. Not be home as much, try to not go to the same places on the weekends, we had to see each other every day after all. We kept it profesional at work always. Cordial. And just as I finally felt like I was starting to get over the situation, I felt more free and less affected, it turned into a nightmare.

We cannot work together anymore. Lately the last month or so I feel as though we just do not get along no matter what. Constantly fighting, yelling, even crying. I know he is more stressed now than before but I don't know what has changed in our dynamic. He started treating me with this attitude that I was his inferior because technically I did start as his assistant but he never treated me like this before. And I had to do what he said and not allowed to question it. And everything that went wrong if I was present he would look for a way to yell at me for it. So in turn I think I became very emotional and hurt because this was the person I loved and my best friend. We had no one but each other for a whole year and a half traveling and I trusted him with my life. And now this is happening.

I already asked the owner to please move me from the position. To find me a different project, or at least from the same house but because he doesn't know the reason since he never knew we were together, and this guy specifically prohibited me from telling him because he thinks it will affect his job and look bad on both of us, the owner told me for the moment he needs me here in this company the most and that this is what I need to be doing.

I don't know what to do, I know that Ive lost some of my power because of becoming emotional but I just cant take the yelling and how bad he makes me feel. And its not like its even personal he is even dating someone else but no matter what I do or how we try to interact we end up fighting and fighting and I end up crying and its super unhealthy especially to work like this. So I cant move, we tried talking about it and just do not see eye to eye, and its becoming harder for me to be around him because I don't feel like he is open to anything that I say or do anymore.

Whats the best way to handle a situation like this? How do we open the channel of communication to be able to get along? What should I say to him or how to act next time he explodes at me?

Truth is he is very stressed lately but that is not an excuse to treat someone badly. How can I come out of this with my happiness and be the bigger person?

Please any advice welcome....

(and please do not advise me to quit my job I need one more year of experience to be able to apply for my masters degree which was my plan all along, and starting over in another company would mean losing all I have accomplished in this one)

No one can forbid you to do anything that affects you personally. You say in the beginning of you message; “company overseas that is a bit eccentric in the way they do things. What do I mean by this is that they like to personally get to know their employees.” Based on this statement I believe you need to tell them what has been going on and let the chips fall where they may.

There are two reasons for this advice. First and for most is your health both your physical and mental health. What is happening is not good for either and another year of this will take its toll on both. Second and almost as important is what is happening between you will eventually if not already affect the work both of you are doing. If the work is affected the owners will take notice. When that happens it will be too late to make excuses. So my advice is it is better to tell them now before it hurts you in ways that will hurt you more than if you go to them first.

My fiance and I have been together for 12 years. We just had our first baby last year. But lately we have not been able to communicate our issues. So last night we got into a argument and it got so bad that he slapped the lamp that was on top of my nightstand and then it got physical. For the first time he had punched me in the side of my head while trying to hold me down... I always thought that things would change but it havent. Before he had only pushed me or slam me on the bed to "hold me down". After last night punched, I finally woke up and realized that he needs to go!! Have anyone gone through this? i should of left along time ago but i thought he would change, boy was I wrong!

A man should never touch a women in the manner you have stated. Throwing and holding you down on a bed is just as bad as hitting or punching you. It is domestic abuse which every state has some type of law against.

What I recommend is you take the baby and go someplace safe, your parents house if possible and then call the police to report his abuse of you. Do so now while the bruising is apparent.
File charges for assault and do not change your mind then ask the officer for information on how to get an order of protection.

An order of protection is a legal order from the courts requiring him to stay a certain distance from you and the baby. This also means he has to find some place else to live. If you live in a private home get the locks changed. If you live in an apartment ask to have the locks changed.

Monday morning you need to see a lawyer to have papers filed with the court giving you custody of the baby and making sure he pays child support and maintains health insurance on the baby.

You need to do these things for your own protection and the protection of the baby. Once an abuser always an abuser. You should have walked away the first time he laid hands on you and threw you down. It's not to late to walk away now. He will probably pleas with you to come back and promise never to touch you again. Don't listen to him. He will be good for a week maybe two or three then it will happen again and this time you may get hurt worse or he may hurt the baby. Make sure to get the order of protection.

Over the past few months, I have been friends with this guy who wound up being emotionally abusive to me. I finally managed to escape from it 3 weeks ago when we got into a fight about my Christian beliefs (being called self-centered, delusional, and an idiot in the process...), and haven't talked to him since.
He was in the middle of reviewing my novel at the time, critiquing 8 of the 10 chapters. Yesterday, he e-mailed me his critique of the last 2.
I want my novel to be the best it can be, but I'm not sure if I should read it or not. I know it's going to hurt to read, but it'll also help the story.

I cannot say what to make of your friends review of your novel other than I would, given present circumstances, give it little to no regard as he may have an ax to grind and was not as objective a person you needed to review it for you.

If you wish to be published you must read through your novel to check for any mistakes in content, grammar and spelling you may have made. The cleaner you novel is on presentation to a publisher the better chances you have of attracting an editor who will help you get published.

Find a friend who enjoys the type of book you have written and ask them to read it and give you an honest critique. Then based on his or her critique decide if you want to punch the novel up before trying to get published.

Understand this about unsolicited novels. It is the rare writer who gets published when presenting an unsolicited novel. It is not you or your writing they are rejecting. Publishing is a business and like any business they work with the known money makers.

Do not accept any offers of self publishing. This is where you pay someone to publish your Novel. You end up with a bunch of books then you have to go out a secure space in bookstores to sell them.

A couple months ago I went to a party and got very drunk. A guy gave me a few Xanax pills and some lines of other drugs. We went into a hot tub and the water was too hot so I tried to get out but he pushed my head down under the water and then I blacked out. I came to and I was in a bathroom and my clothes were gone and the door was opening and then I blacked out again. I woke up and he was having sex with me. I blacked out again then woke up and I was blowing him and I tried to stop because I couldn't breathe but I blacked out again. This kept happening throughout the night where I would black out and wake up and he was having sex with me or I would be blowing him or whatever. I'm a recovering drug addict and have been speaking with my AA sponsor about this and she says it was rape. I feel sick and terrible every time I think about it and I can't stop crying. However I feel like it was my fault for getting too drunk, also I don't know if I said no or not because I was blacked out and unconscious the majority of the time it was happening. Was this rape or just me being stupid?

You were raped. Rape is never the fault of the person being raped. You were drunk, you were fed narcotics either of these two would make you unable to consent to sex. This is the definition of rape.

By law if you are inebriated, drugged or unconscious then you cannot consent to sex therefore it is rape. The guy may claim you consented but you were in no condition to knowingly consent that is the defining line.

Given the amount of time that has passed it may be hard to prove. You are going to need witnesses to testify to the condition you were in and that he drugged you. That is for the police and prosecutor to locate what you need is to supply names or at the very least where the party took place and who hosted.

You file charges against this guy and let the police and prosecutors build a case. IF he did this to you he has done it to others. By filing charges others may come forward.

I would also like you to contact the following organization. They are RAINN which stands for Rape, Abuse, Incest, National, Network. Their number is 800-656-HOPE. They will connect you with a center in your area that will help you find the professionals to help you through this.

I am so sorry you went through this. Don't let this guy get away with what he has done to you. Call the police ask to speak to a detective in the sex crimes unit. File charges and call RAINN for help.

So the other day my 15 year old was on facebook and told us she was getting messages from this who is 18 who lives in California and we live in Georgia. My mom is raising her but my niece told us that this guy told her that if she didn't perform for him he would edit photos of her onto a naked body and post them on the internet. We went to the police and they said since he didn't do it he didn't commit a crime. I always thought this was illegal. Is there anything my mom and I can do about this legally?

The law and technology do not always stay together which is the problem you face at the moment. The police only know current law. I suggest making to three more phone calls.

1. Call your local prosecutor's office. This is sexual harassment and a form of blackmail by my interpretation of what you have written. If a prosecutor agrees they may be willing to do something for you or they will recommend you go to the State attorney General with this since it is an Interstate situation.

2. Call your local FBI Office. Because the threat is over the internet certain interstate threat by wire charges may apply.

3. Call the state Attorney General's Office in California. Ask them if there is anything they can do. California has some laws that other states do not have and they may apply.

Above all do not comply with this guys request. He may know that charges against him for his harassment may be hard to bring. Charges for child pornography, receiving or distributing are much easier to bring. If he was to put your face on another body he could be in violation of state and federal child pornography laws. Both of which are much easier to bring against him. If he is aware of this then this could be just an idle threat but do not take it that way.

Be vigilant and check the internet daily. IF you find picture contact the FBI and local police immediately.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I hope the suggestions I have made are helpful.

Hello, this is very hard for me to write, but I want to know once and for all if there's anything I can do to fix how I feel.

At the beginning of the year I was in an abusive relationship with somebody who sexually and physically abused me as well as stalked me and made death threats against me. I eventually had the courage to end the relationship after 4 months and filed a restraining order against him. I lost jobs over it and even had to move to a new city.

Unfortunately I had a horrible female judge who laughed in my face and said I didn't have any evidence of any of my claims even though I presented her with call logs, voicemails, and hundreds of texts from him with threats in them and admitting to the abuse he inflicted on me. She said none of it was substantial and told me it was my fault for staying with him. The case was then dismissed and I was not allowed to appeal it. His lawyer went on to seal and expunge the record.

It's been months since then and I'm still extremely hurt and angry about it. When I look up his name all I see is positive things about him and I want to expose him for who he really is, but I don't want to get in trouble for slander or anything like that.

Is there any way I can expose him so that people know what they are dealing with without legal ramifications?

This is a question that needs to be answered by a lawyer who needs to look up the original case and see what the judges order states. While you may not be able to file against him you may be able to have criminal charges filed against him and a lawyer will help you get those charges filed.

Note: In the future never go to court without a lawyer. IF you cannot afford one the court will appoint one if you request one. This happened because you were not properly represented which could help a lawyer reopen this case.

One other thing; I cannot tell from your writing if you are seeking closure or revenge. I can understand seeking closure we all need closure to this type of trauma and there are ways of getting closure without the pain you will inflict upon yourself by trying to reopen this case or trying to get criminal charges filed.

if you are seeking revenge do not confuse it with closure. Rarely does revenge bring closure only more hurt for revenge begets revenge and it continues in a circular pattern until one has had enough.

My advice is to speak with a qualified attorney and to follow the attorney's advice. Most attorneys will speak to you without charge to find out about what you need. If there is monetary compensation that can be gained they may be willing to take the case on contingency which means they get a percentage of the award.

Follow the attorney's advice. IF it turns out you cannot get closure through the courts then seek counseling with a qualified psychologist who can help you put this in the proper perspective so you can move on with your life.

I'm so very sorry you have gone through this. Please don't judge all men by that idiot.

If a person files an EPO against another party and the person the EPO was filed against uses another family member to call the person who filed the EPO to continue asking for permission to see their child together for visits and has this other person calling them non stop to get the answer they want is that breaking their EPO

I would believe that if this person is calling on behalf of the person restricted by the EPO then it is a violation of the EPO. I'm not a lawyer and you should check with your local police department as they are the ones empowered to enforce the EPO.

I will say this that the person calling non stop is harassing you. Phone harassment is a violation of the law and the agreement for use of the phone. Do this keep a pad of paper near you or the phone. Next time they call and every time they call mark down the date and time of the call and the duration of the call. Do this for a day them call the Police and show them you telephone log of the calls.

DO NOT TAPE RECORD THE CALLS. Every state has very specific laws governing the recording of phone calls. If the police want a recording of the calls they will get a court order and either tell you how to do so or put a trap on your line to get the evidence they need to file charges.

I am a 28 year old female and I went out on a date with a 40 year old guy I met from the college that I go to. At first things were going great. We went out to eat and then decided to go to the river for a walk and we got there we didn't even get out there before he started kissing me and I told him he was going to fast and he stopped for a little and then a few minutes later he started touching my breasts and I told him to stop but he kept touching them. I feel so violated he'd didn't even ask me help.

First things first you did nothing wrong and everything right.

He kissed you, you told him to stop that he was going to fast. That should have told him that you did not want to be touched in that manner. His touching your breasts is sexual harassment. You have every right to be violated.

Once you tell someone to stop it means just that STOP. It does not mean stop kissing me but you can play with my Breasts or do other things to me without my permission. Once you tell someone to stop and they continue it is sexual harassment and in this case battery, unwanted touching. In some instances it is also a form a form of rape depending on the laws in your state.

The fact that he did not physically rape you in the full sense of the word does not mean his you should not feel violated for you were in every sense of the word. I suggest you get some counseling from a qualified psychologist to help you put this in the proper perspective and that you learn how to deal with it and move on properly. You do need to deal with it and not try to bury it for if you try to bury it then it will come back to haunt you at the worst possible time.

You should also talk with your local police about charges you can file against him. Guys that never take no for an answer need to learn that the word no means something. The only way to learn that may mean being lead off campus in handcuffs. By filing charges you also prevent another girl from having to be harassed by him or worse. This is also something you can discuss in therapy with your therapist.

Mothers day is coming up, and as a 16 year old teenager with a severely emotionally abusive mother, i am not looking forward to it. At all. Especially since things are very high tension right now in the house. I know she's going to demand me to be there and be a "good kid" but i'm incapable of being in the same room as her without experiencing extreme depression, anxiety, and resentment. How do i survive mothers day this year?

I know exactly how you feel as I had the same problem with my Father. With Mother's Day practically around the corner it is hard to make any plans with friends who might be willing to help you get out of the house for the day.

So what to do? I suggest that as hard as it may be for you that you do honor your mom on Mother's Day. Get up and make her a nice breakfast then clean up the kitchen. Hopefully this will keep you busy until the library opens. Once the library is open tell mom that while you would love to spend the day with her you need to go to the library to finish some work for school.

Whether you have work for school is immaterial it is just a reason to get out of the house and hopefully one can't object to too vehemently as I'm sure from your writing she will object. Just stand your ground grab your backpack and leave.

Do go to the library once there if you have school work to do so much the better. If not find a book and a comfortable place to sit and read for a few hours.

By making breakfast for mom you have honored her on her day and that is all that is really required or expected from anyone and maybe a small gift if you can find something to buy for her.

NOTE: Emotional abuse is a form of child abuse. I would suggest you speak with a trusted teacher or your school principal about this. By law if they agree you are being abused by your mother they must notify Child Protective Services(CPS). This does not always mean you will be placed in Foster Care. It means CPS will assign a caseworker to watch over you and to see to it that mom gets help for her abusive ways and that you get help for the depression and anxiety you suffer.

Depression hurts in many ways. One way is it affects you ability to learn which is why teachers are trained to look out for depression and why they must act if you come to them. There is no reason for you to live this way as there is help all you need to do is ask. In fact at your age you could call CPS yourself if you want too.

My name is Rachel and I am 27 years old and I am at my wit's end . My mom has physically and verbally abused me all my life and I am sick and tired of it.
I was also molested by my dad when I was 3 and he died when I was 12 years old . My mom is disabled she has bipolar and has trouble walking now and has this problem for several years now but any way let's get to the point. This morning I went outside to smoke and my got mad because I woke her up going outside and she calls me an idiot and a funking bitch so I called her one back and then she picks up her cane and hits me in the head with it so igrab the cane so she can't hit me again so she knocks me down ont he floor and pulls my hair because I grabbed the cane . Then she punches me in the face so I Granger hands so she can't hit me or pull my hair and she calls me a funking bitch again. I can't go to the police because she is raising my niece and nephew and they would put them in foster care and I would never see them again and she doesn't abuse them just me. I can't move out because I don't have the finances to help what should I do?

You are 27 years old; your mother is not abusing you she is assaulting and battering you. It is a legal technicality but a major one. Mom may be physically disabled and suffer from bipolar disorder it does not excuse her from breaking the law. He bipolar disorder should have nothing to do with her physical disability. Though her physical disability could be exasperating her bipolar disorder.

I doubt you want to have your mother arrested but I believe you do need to get her some help. I believe her bipolar disorder is not under control. IS she being treated by a psychiatrist who is Board Certified in Psychiatry. IF not she needs to be as they are they ones best qualified to do so. IF she is then as her caregiver you have the right and the need to speak with her doctor. Tell the doctor how she acts around you and how she may act with your niece and nephew when your not around.

You may also need to call Child Protective Services (CPS). Even if mom is not abusing them, the environment they are living in watching mom assault and batter you is not healthy for them. Since you are capable of caring for your mother I would think you are capable of caring for them.

If caring for them is strictly a financial problem for you CPS will pay you just like they would pay a foster family to care for them. IF at all possible CPS would rather keep the children in the home they know and remove the problem instead. Removing your mother to someplace where she can get the care she needs and see to it she is compliant with her medications may be in the best interest of your mother as well as you and your niece and nephew.

My advice is: Take your mother to her doctor who should be a board certified psychiatrist, if not schedule a visit to one. If mom refuses to see a doctor tell her you are calling CPS. She will probably tell you that you are to old for CPS help and she would be right. Your niece and nephew are at an age the CPS will step in and I fully believe they need to if things are a toxic as you have written.

I believe you mom needs professional care. Care that of the type you can't offer. Child and family services can be a big help in seeing to it you mom gets the help she needs and that the children are safe and secure in your custody.

Please why is my virgina too tiny that no finger can penetrate into it?

First just remember what comes out of the vagina. The vagina will stretch and at the moment the muscles of the vagina may still be locked. It is also not uncommon for the vagina to be tight especially if your Hymen is still in tact.

The average Vagina Size Relaxed is Length 3 1/2 to 4 inches Diameter 1 Inch. Aroused Length ("tented) 5 to 6 inches Diameter 1 1/2 to 2 inches. I'm sure if you were able to measure your vagina it would meet or exceed these dimensions.

The problem you feel you have as I see it has more to do with age the with a problem with your vagina. If you are younger than 15 or 16 and have not had regular periods yet then I would say you have nothing to worry about. If you have had regular periods and between the ages of 11 and 14 I would still not worry as puberty determines when your vagina will be come stretchable.

If you are really concerned then you should see a Gynecologist(GYN). IF you are 14 or over a Federal Law called HIPPA provides for young people to have medical privacy over their reproductive systems. This means you can visit any doctor, clinic or hospital ER for any problem, question or concern about your reproductive system without parental approval or knowledge. Parents can never be told why you visited The visit will be covered under any health insurance you parents my have that covers you. a doctor.

The question you have presented definitely falls under the reproductive system. We are not doctors though we strive to give you great answers. For the question a GYN can give you the right answer.

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