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September 12, 2009

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Heyyy, I'm Mary:)
I've been on here for over four years--Ask me anything, and I'll try my best to help you out. :)

Alpha female, always tries her hardest, analyzes the situation too much, overthinks what the other person says, tries to please others, stresses easily, high achiever, loooooves to laugh. I'm still learning the facts of life, but I can always share my mistakes and lessons learned. :)

I'm always willing to listen/lend a helping hand. Inbox me and I will be sure to get to you as soon as I can.

♥ ♥

advice

What do girls do when they flirt? like how can you tell when they are flirting or just being a friend? any girls out there who can answer this quesition? how do you flirt? i want to know cause i like 2 people and i sometimes think that they are fliriting with me but i'm not sure. thanks!!!!!

actually, not all of that is true..like i laugh at guy's jokes..and i say "ommgg that's soo meannnnn" ALOT..but i'm DEFINETELY not flirting. I also get mad easily..over the STUPIDEST things..soo iddk. but umm if they look/smile at you a lot..try and get close to you whenever/ touch you when theyre talking to you (then again, some people are just touchy-touchy like that) idk it depends on the girl really

My grandpa died about one year ago, and the only time I cried about it is when i recieved the news on the phone. Not even at the funeral/wake..=\. But it's sort of hard to believe that I didn't because I used to have a diary and i wrote about how close i was to him and how much i loved him and such. Now for the past few days, all I have been doing is crying about him because I miss him so much. I mean i can't even watch certain shows on tv anymore because we used to watch them together, and songs that sing about relationships make me cry. My question is, why am i just starting to miss him and crying now? What should I do? This is the first time i've cried about him being gone.
Thanks for any advice. And btw, I dont have any other grandparents, and my parents and i arent that close so i cant get help from them. Thanks.

I think this is totally normal...maybe your grandfather's death is just now hitting you.

It's ok..grief is a part of the process..even if it comes one year later.

Just try to get all of your emotions out.
Try talking to your counselors/your close friends, etc.

Sorry for your loss
and I hope I helped.

why does everyone look at a teen having a baby like the end of the world for them. i mean i know its hard but I've seen tons of people work through it,and live successful lives. so its a challenge. but worse can happen. i mean if the person can be a good monther and somehow support herself and her child isnt that enough?

Yeah, I don't get why everyone is making such a huge deal.
It's HER decision.
It's not the end of the world for us---we're just trying to help her to understand the consequences and the responsibilities.

YES, if the person can be a good mother and somehow support herself&her child..then that should be enough. But at age 16, how can you really support yourself& another human being when you are trying to learn and grow yourself?

I think everyone should just backoff and let this 16-year old girl make her own decisions/mistakes.

okay well i have something really big to tell my parents and im not sure how to tell them. well i really want to tell them that i want to have a baby (16/f) everyone says i should but i really dont get along with my parents.. well its not that we dont get along its just that we arent that close. should i tell them now or should i wait till have a bf that i have been dating for a while because i am currently single. i know eitehr way they are going to flip but i dont want to screw things up. so how do i tell them and when?

In my opinion, I think you should wait and tell them AFTER you get into a loving, committed relationship.

I am not here to talk you out of having a baby..because if that's what you really want..then go for it..BUT, you must know that it's not as easy as it seems.

"Though most teen girls are able to produce healthy babies, whether they do often depends on whether they receive adequate medical care - especially in those critical early months of pregnancy.
Teens who receive proper medical care and take care of themselves are more likely to have healthy babies. Those who don't receive medical care are at greater risk for:

**fetal death
**high blood pressure
**anemia
**labor and delivery complications (such as premature labor and stillbirth)
**low birth-weight infant" Source: http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/talk/teen_pregnancy.html

Having a baby will CHANGE YOUR LIFE.--no more parties, drinking, smoking, hanging with friends, going to the movies, etc..etc..She/He will be YOUR LIFE.

Have you considered that having a baby means MORE RESPONSIBILITY..are you financially stable?

----Incase you've already thought this through, and you're 100% sure you're ready to have a baby at 16..then good for you..I really don't know anyone that is mature/stable enough to have a baby at this age.

How to tell your parents..There is no other way then sitting them down..and saying, "Mom, Dad, I want a baby.."..and then wait for their response.

I really hope you've thought this through. Having a baby isn't fun..especially when you're 16.

Ever since sophomore year in high school a group of friends and I have always gone to South Padre for spring break. We're all sophomores in college now so this year is going to be our 5th. Well I have another friend that isn't apart of our group and she's going to Italy for spring break this year and asked me to come along.

Now, I'm not sure who to go with. I know what you're thinking though, "Italy, what an opportunity" But, I just went over the summer so it's not like a big deal. So should I just say no and go to South Padre?

I think you should go to South Padre and keep the tradition going...If you go to Italy with the friend that you aren't quite as friends with, it won't be as fun..right? Also, since you already went this summer, why waste another thousand bucks to go to the same places.

Anyway, hope I helped!

my dad is always really impatient and sometimes he hurts me but i dont know if it would be considered abusing me. the worst time was when he shoved me up the stairs and started smacking me screaming at me and then shoved me into my room and i hit the door..it was horrible. other times he squeezes my arm or twists it so i listen to him. so would this be considered abuse or not? if it is should i do something about it? thanks, i rate high!!!

Yes, this is abuse. Seek help from another guardian/counselor immediately.

Child abuse is defined as the physical or psychologoical maltreatment of a child.

Don't just sit there and take it. Maybe talk to him about it if you're up for it? If he doesn't stop, please consult another adult. You shouldn't have to deal with this.

Drop one in my inbox if you need more help.

ok my dad does weed and i just know my mom does it too. and well they are always saying how much they hate people that do drugs and here they do it. well i hear that if your parents smoke and stuff well the kids are liable to start and well i smoke ciggaretts and my parents dont know about it. my point is will i start doing drugs since they do? an help will work thanks jennie

Well..a percentage of that is true. You can choose either NOT to do it..or to do it. It's your decision. It's not a fact that if your parents do drugs, you will for certain do it...but I see you're on the path. Cigarettes are really unhealthy for you and can increase your chance of lung cancer, etc. I'm not here to baby you and tell you what to do with your life though..so that's all I'll say about the hazards of smoking---My dad smokes cigarettes..but I don't..I choose not to because I know it will put me in danger of everything-my life.

Your question is "Will I start doing drugs since they do?"....It's not hereditary, you know. Decide for yourself if you want to do weed or not..(I really don't think you should though...but that's not my decision to make for you.)You can decide how you want to spend the rest of your life..smoking, being unhealthy, being at risks for many diseases, ruining your body,ruining your appearance,slowly killing yourself OR you can have a happy, healthy life.

sorry this is so long but... is it wrong not to love your father, now hold on don't blow a gasket i'll explain everything. ya see my dad went to jail when i was really young and and i never got to know him. and my grandperents keep wanting me to go clear across the state to visit him. and i don't wanna spend 5 days in a hot car just to see someone i dont even know for 2 hours. but i feel so ashamed, i feel so self centered, i feel so selfish. i feel like i owe it to him to go. please i want your oupion am i the scum of the earth, or am i ok

please, dont yell at me. i already feel bad enough as it it.

OMG it is not your fault if you don't love your father. He went to jail for doing something wrong so you've never actually spent time with him. It's like going to meet a stranger for two hours. Don't worry..you are not a bad person at all. Maybe you aren't ready to meet him now..but maybe you will be later on in life..and when you are, you can go visit him. You are not self centered or selfish and you should not feel ashamed at all. If you don't want to see him, you don't have to. Hope I helped!

my dad can be so mean sometimes he yells really loud and when he gets mad he throws and breaks stuff and it really scares me. i feel bad because i dont know if i love him or not and i feel like everything is my fault!! i dont know what to do please help!

Wow..Listen to me..nothing is your fault if your father is acting abusive..

GET HELP..if you really can't take it anymore.

These are signs of an abusive relationship between your father and yourself. If you can't talk to him about it, try going to your counselor or someone you can trust.

Try to avoid his rampages as much as possible and keep your distance from him if you don't want to get involved.

I wish you the best of luck and if you need anything else, feel free to drop one in my inbox.

what should i do? my grandpa is a porn addict

Haha..Just let him be...whatever makes him happy..I mean most guys are porn addicts..Old people have needs too, I guess..haha It's not like he watches it around you, does he?--well if he does, tell him to turn it off because it is inappropiate...but other than that, just leave him alone..haha

sorry is this is long but I really need help so please don't skip over it
Ok my parents have been divorced my whole life I don't even know who my dad is. Well my mom has serious problems with finding guys. They usually beat her or cheat on her. I've had about a dozen stepfathers and all of them treat her like shit and she doesn't deserve that. Well my newest stepfather Richie has been with my mother for 2 years now and she is really happy with him. I've never seen my mom this happy before. He is soo nice to her. But the thing is he has a son (my stepbrother) who is constantly hitting me and raping me. I tried talking to my mom about it and she said that she would talk to my stepdad and my stepbrother. She did and then it stopped for a little while but then he did it again and it was even worse than it was before. He had a couple of his friends over and they thought that it would be fun to beat and rape his 14 year old step sister. I talked to my stepdad and he told me to stop making things up. He told my mother that I was making things up and they sent me to a shrink. Needless to say my stepbrother continued to do these things to me. I confronted my mother again and she told me to talk to my stepdad. I did and he told me that I was lying and that even if I wasn't I needed to get over it because we are a happy family and we all have to make sacrifices I told him that that was wrong and he hit me! Now he's been hitting me too when my mom isn't around. I don't know what to do. She is soo happy and she deserves to be. I don't want to ruin this for her. My question is should I just deal with this so that she can be happy or is there anyway that I can get help without ruining this for her?

OMGGGG No, you don't have to sacrifice YOUR happiness for someone else..I mean, I understand your mother is happy..but I don't think that she would be if she knew what was going on..All you need is proof..somehow convice your mother that this is actually happening..or tell someone like a counselor at your school..He is NOT SUPPOSE TO BE RAPING YOU..It's wrong. You need to get serious help right away because what if you end up pregnant or something??? If he tries to rape you again, fight back..all guys have a weakness area..seriously..do not let him rape you!!! Now, about your step-dad, it's very wrong for him to beat you...catch him on tape or something...tell the police..he can go to jail for abuse. As for your mother, she is probably denying the truth because she doesn't want to believe it. MAKE HER. Tell someone you can trust about this. You need to get help. If you have any more questions, drop one in my inbox.

My mom was born in a foreign country, and their thoughts on things are a LOT diffent from the United States, and her thoughts are LOTS different than what I want to do. For example, she refuses to let me date, so I have to keep all my feelings for boys bottled up in my diary. She doesn't let me wear shorts (only capris) in the summer, so I end up burning up in my classrooms. I really need to tell her that these things might not be allowed where she grew up, but I don't live where she lives, and I need to have a LIFE! How can I tell her?

I totally understand where you're coming from! My mom used to NEVER let me wear short skirts,shorts, etcccc...(she still doesn't approve of it..but she doesn't say anything about it..) Tell her that things here in America are wayy different than in her foreign country..don't be mean though..Start out small and give reasons why you should be able to do that..she can't hold on to you forever..Also, you may take this advice and try it out on her..and she may not agree at first..but I have a feeling things will work out for you..Hope I helped! Leave one in my inbox if you have anymore questions..

OK ive been to a few sweet 16's this year and everyone has the same thing : music and food for like 3-4 hours. People who arent the dancing queens and are dancing all night..tend to say they are bored, etc. For mine..i def dont want that to happen.

Is it a cool idea to go swimming for 2 hours at the hotel(im having my party there) with my closer friends ..then a half hour later the actual party starts? There are showers and i could bring a hair dryer (its a nice place) so my friends could do my hair so its not sopping wet. Also, there are a ton of pretty cool games i found off the internet which i was figuring would keep everyone happy.

Examples are :

(twister,hula hoop contest,game where two teams and together as a train..everyone has to walk to the finish line in single file while everyone has a bananna they have to get across without using their hands..they have to press it against the backs of the other ppl,

guy belly dancing contest, dancing/singing contest,pinata,limbo, and the human string relay, where there are two teams in a single file line. The first person has a spoon tied to yarn, and they have to put it down their shirt and pants..pass it back..same thing happens,,whoever is done first wins, "Roast" where people get up and tell funny story about guest of honor (me), game where as guests come in..you give them a necklace and tell them if they say any form of "yes" then the person who hears that can take their necklace away..person with most necklaces at the end wins.

for all these games i was thinking spending $50 on prizes for the night and for the winners i would hand out prizes

if you dont like these could you give me an idea on how to keep everyone happy and for my sweet 16 to be different and unique? thanks!! 5's for everyone who isnt rude because i know this is super long..but its really important to me

thank you again! :)

wow your party is going to be a BLAST!!! and im not just saying that!! If I was your friend, I would definetely go!!! Have fun!! also it was a good idea on making yours diffrent and unique from everyone elses..:-D

me and my da havent spoke for about a yr since i got caught smokin weed... my dad completely turned his back on me while my mom was there with me the whole time and i love her i miss the relationship witt my dad but at the same time im so mad at him (even though i was the one that screwed up) for turnin his bak on me i have two sides about this and its gettin mixed and i dunno wut i shud do... hes not the type of dad u cud sit down and have a conversation about this with... plz help

yeah I have the same relationship with my dad..just let things go the way they are and hopefully things will work out..sry its not really good advice :-\

My sister is 18 and has recently been kicked out by my mother due to dumb issues. Now I love them both, but my sister is telling me crap about my parents and my parents are telling me crap about my sister. They basically want me to pick sides. Do I pick my parents that have raised me and that I will be stuck with for at least 4 more years? Or do I pick my sister because shes like my best friend?

don't pick any sides..if they can't understand that then explain to them why..i'm sure they'd be reasonable

okay this is semi long so i am sorry but i really want advice: my mom died when i was 3 and i went to SO MUCH counseling. family,alone you name it. i stopped around the end of 3rd grade. but now that i am a teenager i realize how much i want/need a mother figure. i have my grandmother and i love her dearly but its not the same. i try to talk to my friends but they cant really relate and i feel bad making my problems their problems. i sort of want to go back to counseling but it costs SO MUCH and i am not sure i need it....

help me please?

oh wow i am so sorry about your mom...maybe you should talk to your counselors at school or something..just know that you're not alone with this and if people truly care, they will do anything to make you feel better..sorry for the bad advice

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