I am an African-American mother of three, 28, with a Bachelors in Sociology. I am beginning a Masters of Counseling Psychology program in order to become a Licensed Professional Counselor. I have been issuing advice to all kinds of people on a wide array of issues for over 10 years. Let me offer new insight into your problems or concerns big or small.
Gender: Female
Location: South Carolina
Age: 28
Member Since: March 15, 2005
Answers: 13
Last Update: March 25, 2005
Visitors: 1925
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Hi! You answered my question a while back about persuing a career as a singer.Since I'm in the Cincinnati area,you mentioned getting in touch with Tony "Hi-Tek" Cottrell. If I call his management,Zach Katz,what should I say I am calling for? Also,if I can find a number or address for the studio in the phonebook,what should I say when getting in touch with him? I have never had a voice lesson even!Only chorus class in school,but people tell me I can really sing,and I believe I can.I'm just extremely shy and clueless about where to begin!!Thanks in advance.You've been a big help already!!I added you to my favorite columnists list! (link)
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Well, if you contact his management agency (Zach Katz) you should ask if Hi-Tek still produces for independent artists. If so, then ask how you could submit a demo for consideration. If not, then ask if he plans to do another Talent Search like the one he did on March 1st of 2003. If you contact the studio, first, don't expect to speak to him personally; however, do ask if they produce professional demos for independent artists. If they say no, then that probably means that they're only a private studio for their own artists. If they say yes, then watch out, because they may try to gouge you on the package price. It's up to you what you can afford. Best case scenario, you go into their studio to create a demo (that you're supposedly going to shop around to other labels and production companies), they hear your talent and want to bring you onboard their label. Badaboom - Badabing! Good luck and keep me posted! Thanks for the kudos!
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ok, well my two friends ALWAYS fight. and this time it's about depression aka attention. anyways, my friend (we'll call mandy) had depression all this year because of guys. every single one that she liked, didn't like her, but my other friend (call her taryn). taryn has always been pretty popular,and now has a very popular boyfriend. anyhow, back to the real story. when mandy told us that she had depression, i was the only one that comforted her. a girl (call her sam) was mandy's best friend since like 4th grade. and sam didn't even say anything positive when mandy told her about her depression. and now, like a week ago, taryn told everyone that SHE was depressed. and when she told everyone, sam was like all over her asking if she was ok and stuff.so, sam made it seem like she only cared about taryn, and not mandy whom she was friends with much longer. this is confusing, but important. they are fighting and both of them are asking ME what THEY should do, and I don't even know what I should do. plz, anything constructive will help! i rate 5's!
~mandy (link)
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If you haven't already, I would talk to Sam about how badly her actions made Mandy feel. I don't know everyone involved, but Sam may not realize that her neglect actually hurt Mandy's feelings. Then, to make a big deal out of Taryn's issue just added salt to the wound. The worst thing you can do is take sides. Since Sam and Mandy have been friends for so long, Sam has probably been dealing with Mandy's problems for a long time and may be a little burned out. Especially if Mandy's been depressed all year. There's only so much you can take if you've been taking it for years! So, when Taryn, who usually doesn't have issues like Mandy's gets depressed, Sam actually has the energy to address her problem because she hasn't had to much. Does this all make sense? I think that your role should just be to get Sam to acknowledge that she kinda blew off Mandy's problems and get them to forgive and forget. You're a good friend for caring.
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How do you know if you are depressed? Im not sure if I am even tho some of my friends say I am. I hate my life. I wanna die. Im barley happy. Help. (link)
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Here is a quote I found for you on WebMD :"The key difference between sad feelings and a true major depression is that sad feelings eventually pass.." You say you hate your life. What about your life do you hate? Why do you want to die? I remember having those feelings at several points in my life. I too have fought depression. Feeling sad or angry about something that happens in your life or a situation you may or may not be able to control is normal. Grieving for a long time over a death or breakup is normal. But depression is when you wake up in the morning and for no real reason you just don't want to deal with life or worse yet, you don't even want to be here anymore. People who suffer from Major Depression (as I've been diagnosed) take bad feelings to an extreme. You have good friends to recognize this issue in you. Now you need to talk to someone, if not me, then a therapist or a doctor. Cognitive (Talk) therapy and/or medication can really help you see the world differently - with not so many clouds hovering over you. Please let me know how you're doing, and come back to talk soon. I would love to go over your problems with you one by one and try to help you deal with them in a healthy fashion. Take Care.
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My friend JD and I just got into n argument the other day. We have been doing that a lot lately. He has been coming to me and a couple of my friends with his problems, and we have told him what we feel what he should do, but when we go up to him with problems, he he just says sorry, i hope you feel better.He is there for us, but that didnt feel good enough. Well, ever since Ive started to like his brother, he hasnt been supporting me. They get along sometims, but they pretty much hate each other, and he says that if I go out with him, Ill ruin my life. I have supported him with pretty much everything that hes done except for once that can remember. I dont know what to do, and he has been too good of a friend to get rid of, or so I thought, I guess. I just want ot know how I should deal with us hardly not talking anymore and not worry about it because of my other friends. But if I go out with his brother, its going to be hard to avoid him and shit. But thats not the whole story, thats just where its the problem between me and him and a couple of other people. If anyone wants to know the full story, drop it by me in my inbox. Thanx! I rate good. (link)
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I would like to get the full story before commenting. Thanx
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well its kinda a 2 part question.
Well my aunts getting married, and im in her wedding. me and my other aunt HATE the dresses ALOT. we dont want to wear them at all. what should we do?
And i want to look good in the dress if i have to wear it, and im thinking about tanning and going on a diet of just water and like salad and fruit... but the thing is i dont eat alot. the only meal i eat is lunch and im never hungry. i think its because i dont exercise enough.. even though i play alot of sports and im pretty active.. i dont know what the problem is. (link)
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First of all, you may not like my answer here, but you two are just going to have to deal with the dresses. It's your aunt's wedding, and unfortunately you all don't get a say. It's just a few hours in one day, with photos that will go into a wedding album nobody will ever really see. Plus, it's every bride's God-given right to punish any and all bridesmaids and other members of the wedding party with the ugliest dresses she can find! I think it just makes the bride look even more beautiful on her big day.
Answer to question #2: The problem with your health and nutrition is that you've screwed some things up here. Problem #1-You only eat lunch: You should eat on average 5-6 times per day, especially if you're physically active. Each meal should include at least 20g of protein. You're never hungry because you've re-trained your appetite. You've got to kick-start your metabolism again so that you have your healthy appetite back. You should feel a little hunger every 3 hours or so. To start this process, you'll have to consciously eat something throughout the day whether you're hungry or not. Exercise will counter any weight gain possibilities. Sorry, I used to manage a health club!
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hey.. i was wondering.. i want to join a public singing competition and i'm not sure what to sing.. i'm a girl and i sing mediocre.. so if y'all could suggest some songs that maybe i could sing.. i have good tone and tuning but i can't go up very high... the highest i can go are like the high notes in nobodys home by avril lavigne.. so if you could suggest some good songs for me that would make the judges consider me a good singer that would be great. thx
ps: modernish songs please (link)
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Here's a little help from a fellow singer: Think of a singer or singers whose range is similar to your own. For instance, I'm an alto, which kinda sounds like what you are, so I can sing most songs by Monica, Alicia Keys, Lauren Hill, and Mary J. Blige in the urban arena; I can nail Shania Twain for country; and with pop, I go with Pink, Kelly Clarkson, and even Christina Aguilera on a good day! So, selecting the right song for you to perform is more about matching skills and picking a song you can nail! The worst thing you want to do is pick a song that you think would impress the judges if you pulled it off, then get on stage and don't quite hit that high note. It would be much, much better to sing a middle-of-the-road song and absolutely nail it! A dynamic song, with lots of intensity and no high notes is Evanescence's "My Immortal." Good Luck!
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I've always wanted to be a singer!!Now that I'm out of school I really wanna pursue it.I write lyrics constantly(and poems),my parents say they catch me singing around the house when I don't even realize I'm doing it,haha!! I want to do sort of an Urban style..Aaliyah,Mya,Ashanti,Ciara,Beyonce,Christina Milian,etc.But...I'm white! :\ What I want to know is how to get started.I read on here someone say they got a record deal,I really want to know how to go about that.Where do I begin,and how do I go about finding an agent or manager,etc. ? I live in a small town in Ohio so it's not exactly booming with musical opportunities!! Any help is appreciated!I rate!! (link)
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You go gurl! Anyway, you know getting into the music biz is tough! I myself have started two indie urban labels and helped create a Gospel label in SC, and we managed to get one song on the radio. Takes time and a LOT of energy. Your step one must be getting a demo made. You write your own songs already, so you just need to get with a producer for some hot beats. Finding a studio is key; or a producer who can record at home. Don't get cheated though; a decent demo can cost as little as $300. Your other step one is trying to get on a stage as often as possible. Talent shows, parties, local clubs. Don't worry so much about an agent or manager right now; you're not exactly Ciara yet. But you do need to hook up with someone who can get you in the urban scene. I've managed a local rapper and a rock band, and the hardest thing is starting out with no name. We had to create a buzz. That's what you have to do. There's so much advice I can give you on this subject, so just come to my column with any more questions. Good luck!
The producer you're talking about is Tony "Hi-Tek" Cottrell, of Hi-Tek Productions and Teklab Recording Studio. To try to get in touch with him you can contact the offices of Zach Katz Management at 310.360.8324 or you can get out the phone book and get the number & address directly to the studio. Again good luck!
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im 13/f and i started puberty when i was 12 but i havent yet started my periods! im vegitarian and very picky eater i an very under wieght and dont eat much, i read some where that being underwieght can stop or delay your periods. is this true? and is this whats rong with me? (link)
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First of all, don't panic. Having your period is way overrated! Be glad you don't have to deal with that mess yet! All jokes aside, what you read is true. I pulled up a quote for you from WebMD: "One possible reason behind the sexual maturity/overweight link is that a certain amount of body fat is needed for the onset of menstruation. Fat is one source of estrogen production. Thus, heavier girls mature earlier." It discusses just the opposite of your issue - why overweight girls get their periods earlier. So, your being underweight is more than likely delaying the onset of your cycle. I'm not a medical doctor, however, so please talk to your family doctor with any further concerns. Another key thing to look at is the age your mother started her period. Mothers and daughters seem to start around the same age. My mom at age 11, me at 12. In the meantime, make sure your nutrition is up to par. You can be a vegetarian and still be within your ideal weight range. Thanks for asking for my advice!
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i just wantsd to thank you for your great advice on my 'depressed' question it really helped me! thank you (link)
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You're welcome. Anytime!
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help i get so depressed some times im starting to drink and i dont want to go any depper into alchohol. can you help me please i hate my new school im so unhappy (link)
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Dear depressed, first we need to look at what's making you so unhappy. Is it just school, or is there something more? If it is school, then what about it? I don't have enough to go off of. You need to visit my column and expound on this. I can help you, but only if I know the whole story. You know alcohol is not the answer, which is why you don't want to get any deeper into it. You drink to escape, even if it's just for a little while. The more you drink, the more time you buy away from your problems. But, after the buzz, after the hangover, when you wake up the problem(s)' still there. You need to deal with the original problem, before alcohol becomes the main problem. Let's talk.
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My cousin's family invited me to go on a cruise with them to Cancun and Cozemel. I really want to go but if my cousin and I spend at least 2 hours together, we don't get along. She will get mad at me and I will have no one to hang out with because her dad's side of the family is coming, too (I don't know them because we're not related) But this is a once in a lifetime opportunity...Should I go or no?? (link)
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You should definitely go! But go with an open mind. You've already set yourself up to expect the worst from her and yourself. Instead, expect to have fun not only with her, but with any new people you may meet from her other side of the family. Besides, being someplace different in a new climate with so much to do on the cruise ship and on land often brings out a different side of people. You never know, you two may come home best friends (or you may ditch her if she's being mean and find all new friends to hang out with!) Keep an open mind, and don't miss this opportunity! Take lots of photos!
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okay this is semi long so i am sorry but i really want advice: my mom died when i was 3 and i went to SO MUCH counseling. family,alone you name it. i stopped around the end of 3rd grade. but now that i am a teenager i realize how much i want/need a mother figure. i have my grandmother and i love her dearly but its not the same. i try to talk to my friends but they cant really relate and i feel bad making my problems their problems. i sort of want to go back to counseling but it costs SO MUCH and i am not sure i need it....
help me please? (link)
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I lost my mom to cancer when I was 10, and I remember feeling what you're feeling as a teenager with no mom. I understand what the other columnists are saying about building a relationship with your friends' moms, but the danger there is attaching yourself to someone who's only in your life for as long as you remain friends with their child. Then some people are saying just go see the school counselor, which is actually a good (FREE) option, if that's really what you feel you need. What are you trying to accomplish in counseling over this matter? I can tell you from experience that no amount of counseling will ever make that void you feel go away. I'm 28 years old and still wish I had my mom to go to for things that come up in my life. However, I do have an aunt. She's always been there for me, and she has become that surrogate mother for me. She's not tied to some friendship; so I can get mad at her kids, and she's still my aunt and loves me. I think you should lean on your grandmother for that motherly love and support (or reach out to an aunt if you have one). Any type of advice that you may need that she cannot relate to, can come from other women in your life; the kind of relationship it seems you're searching for isn't one you should gamble on with a stranger or someone who could come and go as easily as a friend. See what your school counselor says about the issue. Also, visit my column anytime to talk to someone who can relate!
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i have a coughing problem and i have no idea what im going to do because it comes so fast and at random times its ruining my life!! okay so in class il just be sitting and il get this feeling in the back of my throat and sometimes its only on one side, and it will make me gag if i dont cough!! and when i do cough my eyes get all watery, and the itchy/weird feeling in my throat wont go away. il have some water and itl go away but then it will come back. im not sick, and this comes only at random times and i always make a big scene cuz i gotta get up and go to the bathroom cuz its so loud and..bad. i hate the feeling!!!! somebody PLEASE HELP ME! ive tried coughdrops/water/gum and it doesnt help! (link)
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If it's not allergy-related, it could very well be related to acid reflux. I know it may sound random, but when you have exhausted all of your resources you should seriously consider seeing an Ear Nose & Throat doctor. My friend had a similar problem and a little Zantac cleared it up.
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