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24/f
I have come to realize that I more than likely have depression. There are days where I just feel like there's a dark cloud over me. I will sleep for 12 hours and still feel exhausted and just be super negative and sad. Sometimes I will cry for a long time before bed for no reason and feel really hopeless even if I've had a good day. There seems to be no way to tell when it's coming or how long it will last. It doesn't appear to be caused by anything in my life- I have an amazing boyfriend of two years and am going to school for something I love. I did have a bad childhood (abusive family) but don't feel that's relevant anymore.

My boyfriend and I live together, and my "episodes" are becoming increasingly hard for him to deal with. He is patient and kind, but gets upset because he blames himself when I'm not happy. Sometimes I feel I have no right to be in a relationship because I don't think I'll ever be able to have a normal life or kids or anything. Between his ADHD and my depression, I feel like we are unable to help each other and just keep upsetting each other. It makes me wonder if it would be better for him not to be with me, even though he's the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with.

I'm not interested in medication (had some pill abuse problems in the past) and haven't had luck with therapy. Is there another way that I can manage this and maybe even get better? (link)
Perhaps there's some built up stress in your life that isn't finding a proper release? If that's the case, stress-relieving practices might help.

Are there yoga classes nearby? If not, you can look up poses or breathing exercises online somewhere that help relieve stress. This works really well for some people.

Do you breathe using your chest more or your diaphragm? Breathing from your diaphragm can relieve some stress as well. If you're unsure of how, try breathing from your stomach area more than from your chest. When you inhale, see that your stomach is expanding while your chest, for the most part, doesn't move. When you're feeling depressed, this might help a little.

If you feel yourself getting worked up, try to make sure your body doesn't have a lot of unused tension. Try to calm yourself down by focusing on relaxation. Take a long bubble bath while listening to soothing music. Get your boyfriend to give you a massage. Light some nice scented candles. Try not to think so much and just concentrate on the nice things around you.

Try keeping your mind occupied with positive things when you feel depressed. Try to find things to smile about, because smiling itself has been known to improve one's mood.

It's stressful dealing with depression, but it's even worse when you take responsibility for someone else's feelings. You don't have to break up to stop feeling responsible for each other's feelings. You and he just need to realize that sometimes there's nothing you can really do to change someone's mood. When you're depressed, it's not because of something he is or isn't doing. It has nothing to do with him. You are depressed because you are depressed.


BF - "So, this may seem odd, but I was wondering if you could give me some advice. I came to terms with my bisexuality a few years ago... It took a long time because I was raised in a very "Bible Belt" southern baptist home. It was a big struggle and not many people know. Anyways, I am faced with a dilemma, I feel almost completely fulfilled with my girlfriend, and past girlfriends for that matter. But there is always that longing for a guy... But when I have dated guys it always feels as though something is missing specifically that they can't seem to be as emotionally involved. Generally all they want is sex... I really don't even know what I am trying to say or ask... Also I know we haven't really talked or hung out much if at all in the past... But I just kind of felt like you might be able to give me some insight."

FRIEND - "I honestly came from the exact same situation. Bible Belt, Christian/Conservative household. I had a really hard time accepting that I wanted to be with a woman because I was always told it was wrong.... My advice is to just try to personally truly come to terms with it before dating another guy. You'll never have that connection if you still somehow even POSSIBLY feel that it is wrong. If you feel fulfilled with your girlfriend, then just be with her. If not, maybe approach the idea of an open relationship or possibly a poly relationship. If you think she may be open to it. I don't know her, so it depends. Taylor and I don't share.... But if I ever felt the need to be with a man or vice versa, we would let the other rather than leave them. We just truly want the other to be happy.... Do you want the companionship or do you just enjoy the sex with men? Personal, I know. But it may help me to help you figure this out."

BF - "Well, I guess I want to be able to let go, to feel vulnerable and be able to be protected. I am by nature very effeminate but also very protective. I think maybe it's this duplicitous nature of my mind that plagues me so much. I enjoy sex with women and men. I love ****** to death and everything is fulfilled except my ability to be vulnerable to be the "woman" so to speak. Basically if ****** were a man every single need would be met... I am at a loss. I love her an would never want to lose her, but I worry that I may become unsatisfied years down the road."



That was a conversation between my boyfriend and his friend written January this year. He was dating another girl/referring to another woman in this message. He and I have been dating since February.

He had told me upfront that he was bisexual and of his few bisexual experiences with men/including sex. I did not accept it then and several months later, I am not comfortable with this side of him. Few times since we've been dating I found gay porn on his phone/first time I found it I was not looking for it. We've fought many times over this subject of him being bisexual.

I accept all him but this. I let myself accept him just a few days ago and had seen that I wasn't able to love him all this time because of that side of him. Except that day I was able to love him and I saw that he truly loved me. I'll always have those doubts that he will want for a man instead of me. He told me early on I was different than his other relationships because for the first time he did not want a man. He had also stated that I have a "manly" side to me and he believed that was why he felt as such. Today after he had left for a trip, I shamefully took the opportunity to search his messages/mainly looking for hook up messages from former sex companions whom he still has conversations with. I found nothing in that department. I just found this. I'm on a fence/ would it be in my best interest for my future to breakup with him due to the fact that he's a risk or because he's deep-down fantasying of men and staying with his girlfriend because he's more comfortable with a woman and not entirely sure on how he feels for men? He has told me that he wanted to marry me. Which confuses me more. Could I be all that he needs? Be the "protector", let him cry on my shoulder when he needs to. I don't think that's what I want, I like being the vulnerable one. I like laying my head on his chest with his arms wrapped around me. There have been times when he tried to lay on my chest and I had him move up and switch. I once was with a woman. I know what it feels like to be the dominant one and what it feels like to hold a my significant other. If that was what I wanted I would be with a woman. I chose to be with a man because he's a man. I need him to be the man. Bisexual man is another gender in its self/ being with a bisexual man that is. I know the decision is ultimately up to me, it's very hard to make up my mind. To conclude, I need another standpoint. I fear relying on my senses will come to a decision I may regret. (link)
It seems like you two want different things out of the relationship. Personally, I see a lot of gray area in who is vulnerable and who is a protector. I imagine that the situation can switch from time to time, depending on who feels the need to have someone strong to lean on. If you can't become all right with this kind of situation and your looking for a relationship that's long term, I would think about walking away. This is for his benefit as well as yours, because he needs someone that's comfortable with the kind of person he is.

If you can live with occasionally compromising by occasionally being the strong one, I would stay with it. Regarding him being a risk, I think everyone is a risk in one way or another. It's highly unlikely that you'll find someone perfect for you because we're all just too different. Waiting around for the one person you have no issue with could cause you to lead a very lonely life.


Me and my boyfriend are in a long distance relationship. What are the odds of long distance working out. I love him so much we both graduate next year... is it worth the wait? (link)
If you think it is, then it is.

My relationship started out as a long distance one. Now we live together and have been seeing each other for 7 years.


So there is this guy ( Im 13 btw ) and he told a few of my friends that he likes me. He told them he was going to ask me out today, but he got to scared so he didn't. He told them he was going to ask me out monday. I don't know what to say. I like him i just want to know do i say yes or sure? and another thing, how do i make it less awkward? I want to talk to him, but in a fun, flirtish kind of way... help! (link)
Yes is better than sure, because it's more absolute. Sure kind of sounds like, "I guess," less certain. So I would go with yes.

I imagine since both of you are so nervous, neither of you are sure what to do next. To make things less awkward, try to think of what to do next and talk about it. Is it going to see a movie? Going to a halloween party perhaps? Talk about things such as these.


I have been dating a guy for 2 years. Throughout this time we have had our ops and downs and I have also found out he is a compulsive liar. A few months ago he started a new job at a restaurant and has been hanging out with some of his coworkers for drinks/pool on the weekends. One of his coworkers seems to have taken interest in him. I have his instagram login and she just recently asked to befriend him on there. Well after he accepts that, he deleted the pictures with me in them. I ask him about it and he claims he deleted more pictures (he didn't) and plans to delete his instagram (don't believe it). I believe he deleted my pictures so his coworker wouldn't see them. Just two days ago he tells me he is going to shoot some pool with "the guys from work". Come to find out, he went to a bar with this girl for her birthday. The fact that he lied about who he was with leads me to believe something is going on. I actually texted the other girl and she claims there is nothing going on between them and they're just coworkers but did apologize for the feelings she has for him. I want to believe her but my gut tells me otherwise. He has done this type of thing before (gone behind my back and seen other women). I want to end the relationship because I don't trust him and I feel dumb to stick around again. What would you do? We are 24/25 if that matters. (link)
If you can't trust him, I would leave him.


I think my guy loves me but sometimes I think like he doesn't even care..he talks to his so called sisters and he doesn't have time for me..he sends messages and
pictures to his so called sisters but he doesn't have time to reply me..and whenever I try to spend some quality time with him he just get busy with his games or movie..i don't have any idea what should I do..we never had any kind of official date till now..I really love him..but I think our thought doesn't match..I can't even stay without him..i can't let him go from my life..and he always cares about his friend more than me..and the main thing is,we are in living relation..I have never been so much addicted of something.
(link)
Sometimes it's hard to see how much you're negatively affecting someone until they tell you. So I don't think he understands how hurt you are from this lack of attention. Before you break it off, let him know that you feel left out. Tell him what you feel you need out of the relationship, because he probably doesn't know. Be specific. Make compromises. Don't make decisions based on assumptions, because they could be wrong. It's true that your thoughts don't match, so vocalize them until you both reach an understanding.


I'll try to make this quick. Back in August, I started seeing a guy called RW. I thought he was great at first, but then he turned out to be not so nice. At least that's how I feel. I feel like there's a lot I'd like you to know about RW, but all you really need to know is that I wasn't very happy most of the time I was seeing him. I felt a lot better when I started thinking about breaking it off in September.

Long story short, in September, two guys from my past came back into my life. Their names are Robert and Jude and I've had crushes on them both (Robert in 2010 and 2011 and Jude in 2011). I started seeing them both a little over three weeks ago and simultaneously broke it off with RW.

They both have so many qualities that I just adore. They're both extremely handsome, sweet, good hearted guys that make me feel so good and happy when I'm with them. Jude is so charming I could cry and Robert is so funny and so sweet I can't stand it. They both have a lot of the same qualities I thought RW did, but theirs kindness, sweetness, charm, good looks, and senses of humor are much more my style.

I know it's kind of skeezy to see two guys at the same time, but I was trying to decide between them and now, I'm pretty sure it's gonna be Robert. Now we get to my problem. RW will not go away. I was hoping that the break up would be the end of things, but he keeps showing up everywhere. He showed up at an art walk we went to, a he showed up Saturday when I went to a movie with Robert, he showed up yesterday uninvited to a friend's birthday celebration. He Won't go away. He's not letting go of our relationship.

RW has problems that I didn't know the severity of back in August. He has some kind of mental disorder and a bad drinking issue. He's not above using violence (or at least he doesn't seem to be) and I'm a little worried about what he's capable of. I don't think he'd physically hurt Robert or Jude, but it wouldn't be the first time he'd hurt someone. He can do nothing to me because I've got tons of men in my family and group of friends who'd kick his @$$.

What should I do? I need this guy out of my life and away from me Robert and Jude. (link)
This is all still recent, it'll take a bit of time for RW to get over the role he had as a boyfriend. If this is all intentional, and it sounds like it is to me, then what he wants is attention from you. I wouldn't give it to him. Once he's learned that he can't get anything from you, he'll likely move on. If he doesn't, depending on how old you are, you'll either want to get your parents or police involved. The police probably won't do anything from lack of evidence towards any foul play, but it might be enough to scare him off.


Is it a bad idea if I invite another female into my bed to spice up our sex like since I can't perform like I used to before my illness! I love to please my husband but it's hard to at this point! Would my marriage brake if I do. Need help please! We have been together for 15yrs and married for 10yrs. I'm a 36 year old abd my husband just turned 40 years old. (link)
The short answer: Given your long history, I think your relationship would endure even if you found yourself hurt by this arrangement, but at the same time your husband's enjoyment out of it might not be worth the pain you feel in the long run. Unless you're into it, I wouldn't do it.

The long answer: Do you find yourself ever jealous of your husband's attraction to other women (if the attraction is evident)? Do you think you're capable of being turned on or in any way excited by your husband being with another woman?

If you aren't the jealous type and can get something out of this arrangement, go for it.
But if you think you could be jealous and won't get anything out of it, perhaps you shouldn't. Keep in mind, the thought of a spouse with someone else hits someone a lot softer than actually seeing and knowing that it's happening. You can't accurately know how it'll feel until you go through it.

A big reason (but certainly not the only reason) why people are hurt when it comes to a spouse cheating on them is a strong fear of being replaced, devalued. Of course, what you're talking about isn't cheating, but I would guess there's a strong chance of you feeling the same fear of being replaced, especially given your inability to perform the way you used to. That feeling will cause far more damage than good in your relationship.

Sex is fun and some could argue that it's important in fresh relationships, but it's far from everything. After 15 years, I'm sure you're husband realizes this and what you can do for him may be enough. Still, I can understand wanting to replace what is missing, so I would advice trying to spice things up in other ways before involving another person. Toys, role-playing, anything new that might appeal to either of you.

That is unless you don't have a jealous bone in your body and/or can get some excitement out of the arrangement yourself. But that's rare.


i thought i had feelings for this guy but hes getting clingy and now i dont think i like him as much... i feel like telling him that would make him think i lead him on.. maybe i did in a way, but i cant help how i feel. i care about this guy but maybe not enough for any kind of relationship.. i dont know what to do and i need advice.. i dont want to hurt him (link)
First and foremost, you didn't lead him on. You felt a certain way and acted accordingly, but things are different now. Things change with people all the time. It's unfortunate for him, but you didn't lead him on.

The way I see it, you have two choices. You can either tell him you aren't interested or you can try to distance yourself and drop hints that you aren't interested. He might be hurt a bit more by telling him, but dropping hints will make the process take longer and therefore cause him to suffer for a longer period of time.

It's up to you, but I advise being direct. It seems you care about him quite a bit, enough to want to spare his feelings. It might soften the blow if you reassure him that you care and you don't want to hurt him. Make sure he knows that he's a person of value to you, if that makes sense, you just don't feel the same way he seems to feel.


Hi! So my boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months (both juniors in HS). We are both each other's first boyfriend/girlfriend. Things are pretty good. We get along well and we always have fun, but the physical aspect of our relationship is lacking. It took him 4 1/2 months to kiss me and now I'm ready for a little more (like making out or something) but he hasn't taken any initiative. I don't know what to do. Like he's affectionate in front of our friends (always makes a point to be by me, holds my hand, has his arm around me, ect). But when we are alone he doesn't even try anything. Is there something wrong with me? He always says how beautiful I am and stuff but he never tries anything. What should I do?? SOS (link)
You're his first girlfriend, so he's naturally nervous. Making a move on your first significant other is a scary thing to do, because you don't know exactly what you're doing. I don't think it has anything to do with being unattractive. In fact, his attraction to you probably makes him even more nervous about taking initiative.

I would keep him informed about what you're ok with. Let him know that you're open to doing more. If you're up to it, consider making the move yourself.


22/f

About 2 months ago, my boyfriend of 2 years fell back into his pain pill addiction and I broke up with him. He has had issues with pills for a long time, and the first time I found out, he said he'd get sober but he didn't really give it a solid effort. I told him that while I understood having an addiction is beyond his control, he wasn't taking all of the steps his doctor wanted him to and that I couldn't be with him if he started taking them again. Well, 2 months ago, I found out he had been again and I left him. However, he has been making a very sincere effort to stay sober and has been clean since we broke up. But besides the pill addiction, he has been so good to me. We have so much fun together and up until this last break up, I was positive I wanted to marry him.

After we broke up, I started to see this other guy that I used to hook up with in high school. It started off as just hooking up like once a week, but then we both realized we like each other.. a lot. He's a couple years younger than me and he's so immature, like we're at completely different stages in our lives and it would make no sense at all to be in a relationship with him. But there is so much chemistry and sexual tension that I seriously get butterflies every time I see him. It's become a full blown infatuation, and he feels the same way back.

But my ex and I have got back together, and that makes me so happy. I mean, honestly besides the pills, things were perfect with him. We never fought and sometimes it seemed like we were the same person. With him it didn't seem like I was just "settling," but actually with someone who FIT me. I didn't even take a second glance at other guys until our last break up.

Unfortunately, I can't seem to break things off with this other guy. When I think realistically about the situation, I know I should be with my boyfriend. We're just good together. But then this new guy will call and want me to come over and I'm swooning.

I'm embarrassed that I'm even in this situation. I have been cheated on and it hurts so bad. I hate that I keep doing this but I honestly don't know what to do. I need the opinion of someone who doesn't know me because I'm too ashamed to talk to my closest friends about it.

I feel like my options are limited. I can either stay with my boyfriend and break things off with guy, but keep lusting after him. Or I can leave my boyfriend, but that kind of seems impossible. It would absolutely tear him apart and I think I would regret that later. It's like I know which is the smarter idea, but my heart is willing me to act stupid. This seems like it should be an easy decision but I've been struggling with this for a couple weeks and still have no idea what to do. (link)
I'd like to bring up that there's an interesting parallel between your infatuation to the new guy and your boyfriend's addiction to painkillers, though I doubt your attraction to the new guy is as strong as your boyfriend's addiction. There's just something about an addict's mind that only an addict will understand.

Anyway, the advice. This infatuation is temporary. Most of them fade away in time, but you'll have to break contact for that to happen. I'm not saying there will be a day when you'll look at the new guy and not find him attractive, but there will come a time when you don't even really think about the attraction anymore and it becomes something of the past.

I would ask the new guy to stop calling and just stay with the boyfriend. I think that's your best option, but I would personally tell the boyfriend about the other guy before you make that decision. In the process, there's a good chance the decision will be made for you, but I think telling him would be the right thing to do, assuming he doesn't already know.


I'm 16 my bf is 17 and we've been dating for seven months. As a person he is the nicest, most caring and great boyfriend to me and honestly treats me so well and I'm not even just saying that everyone says what a nice boyfriend to me he is. He doesn't do anything shady like talking or flirting with other girls or lying to me were actually pretty honestly open with each other. We care about each other so much and he's my first boyfriend and I love him very much. I always said if a guy ever cheated on me or anything id dump them for sure which I would as till this day in my relationship I don't put up with any shit with him and we always talk stuff out and I would say I wear the pants in our relationship. Getting to the point though long before we started dating I knew he was a pothead but that didn't bother me because we were just friends so what did I care. But even when we first started dating he wasn't even that bad with me I think because he knew I was talking to other guys too so he tried to be the best him he could be I guess and he even took me out and bought me flowers and chocolates for valentines day before we started dating and that's the person I really love and side I love about him. But now seven months into our relationship he still smokes but now it's become something like if he gets out of work at 9:45 and I tell him to come over to hangout with me he'll say if I had asked him earlier he would've said yes but he's gonna smoke with his friends what about if he comes over after and I'm so used to this and I know I shouldn't be but I am and this happens and he ends up getting to my house AT 12 am to chill. I told him that's ridiculous and that I feel like he puts smoking weed before me and that it feels like that's more important to him than me and he just says that's not true at all. But it's hard not to feel like that when it's happened more than once and I feel like I'm fighting for his attention. A lot of times when we hangout late he just starts falling asleep or of he's really high he's not even coherent with me. And I'm not mad about it anymore I'm just tired of it and I've told him this and he says he won't smoke before hanging out with me but he's tried that and it's only lasted so long. I know id be a fool to wait around for him to change because I know as much as he loves/cares about me idk if he would quit all together. Some of my guy friends have told me that I can't give
Him an ultimatum because he'll choose smoking but others have said I can because I'm his girlfriend and it's unfair to me because I'm the one that's sacrificing that's losing in the end. I don't want to explode on him one day and just break up with him but I don't know what to do like I'm torn. He is the best boyfriend but sometimes I feel like I am second choice and I feel like I'm in a relationship with an addict sometimes. I don't want to break up but I want to feel happy with him 100% of the time and not feel like I'm less important I just don't know what to do to make him realize that he's gonna lose me if he doesn't get his shit together. And I don't have a problem with people that smoke at all obviously because I smoke too sometimes or because I'm dating a pothead but with him he's affecting us in a bad way. And he's not the typical pothead he actually works a lot and when he's not high he's the best boyfriend and treats me great and with great respect but when he's high it makes me feel like I'm a doormat and I don't want to feel like that. What do i do? Thanks (link)
"I want to feel happy with him 100% of the time"

First and foremost, everyone has issues. There isn't going to be a perfect relationship without arguments, minor disagreements, etc. People are just too different to perfectly line up together like that.

As for your situation, I think you need to have a more thorough conversation with your boyfriend. Consider where he's coming from and approach the conversation with that in mind, because it sounds like he does care very much for you and values your needs. Explain as respectfully as possible what you want out of the relationship and how you aren't getting it. If your relationship is strong, you should have no trouble making compromises with him. If it is simply a matter of him making plans and not wanting to break them, try to make plans with him more in advance.


Me and my boyfriend are 18 ,and we have been together for about a year and a half . He's a very easy to person to fall in love with but he does not see it. He doesemt believe in him self as much as I do . He is a really beautiful person,only he has been through so much in his life . His mom being emotionally abusive to him ,growing up in a not so nice part of town. And just his surroundings . He is actually really the opposite of it all though . He likes poetry ,meditation,music,dance,and everything artistic. He puts on this mean faced Ora I till he's comfortable with people ,and it can come off mean. I'm trying to get him to believe in himself more .he recently told me he was scared of the world and I just want to tell him everyone loves you so don't worry about it .so how can I get him to see what I see? (link)
By telling him. Compliment him when you can and encourage him. Granted, it seems it's the rest of the world he fears, not you. Regardless of how much praise you can give him, that might not change his self esteem in relation to the rest of the world. The best thing you can do is encourage him to share his skills with other people. To put himself out there, because it's hard to get over a fear of what people think without sharing with other people.


Okay so I'm in a relationship with the love of my life. And I have a guy best friend. Today I was feeling low, and I told him to cheer me up. I asked him to tell me one good thing about me. His answer was "everything". And I told him only one thing so he then answered your personality. I asked what about my personality and he said everything. He then reassured that I know he's my best friend and I can tell him everything.

Is that him being sweet or coming onto me? (link)
I don't think that's coming onto you. In fact, by being vague and listing your personality over any physical attributes, I think he intentionally avoided a big opportunity to come onto you.


Hey , I'm from Poland , and there is this girl who i knew over the internet , but she lives nearby, and she wanted some serious advice.Anyway , i gave her advice and afterwards she wanted help with her homework and i helped her.Every problem she faced , she seeked advice from me , So i thought we were like brother and sister and i said ,why not ? , but after a couple of days , she was like i love you so much.That was so weird and random , i mean we barely know each other. i don't know what to do , she loves me and she wants marriage , but i'm just being nice ,i don't wanna be rude.To be honest , shes doesn't have the looks i want. hhhh , please help me. (link)
For one thing, it's perfectly valid that you don't share the same feelings. Regardless of how physically attractive you are to her, you probably aren't going to be in love with someone you barely know.

You want to be nice and probably want what's best for her. Just be honest with her. Explain that you simply don't feel that way about her. She likely won't react well to this, but it truly is what's best for her.


So I am a 19 year old girl from Europe who moved to LA last June.
I met a guy the first week I came here and eventually we started dating. He's 23 from around LA and unfortunately in a gang.

Just so we're clear, I am not one of those girls who looks for danger and would intentionally date a gang member. It just happened.

I just recently told my parents I've been seeing someone for a little over a year and that I'm in love. They don't know anything about him, just his name.
The thing is, I know how they would react if I told them what he does. I know how every parent would react..
He's really a great guy and never put me in danger

So basically I'm just looking for advice on how to tell my parents about him. Or should I not mention some things ? (link)
You asked if you should not mention some things. Why do you ask this? If you're wondering what the morally right thing to do is, it isn't that. Being honest is the right thing to do. That and trying to convince your boyfriend to take on a more socially acceptable job and/or breaking up with him. To me and most other people, these are the right things to do.

If you're asking what would be easiest on you, the harsh truth is you're going to have to be dishonest. You're going to have to do the wrong thing in order to maintain any sort of civility between your family and your boyfriend. There's no way to phrase "I've been dating a member of a gang for over a year" in such a way that will get a good reaction. No matter what you say, regardless of how great a guy he is, you seem to already know what the reaction will be.

So you've only two options. Be honest and suffer the repercussions or be dishonest and deal with the guilt that comes with it. You have to decide what's right for yourself, but I would personally be honest with them. Big secrets like this tend to have a way of coming out in the open at some point anyway.


So Im 16 ive been with this guy for months. And I really like him. But lately everythings been off. We haven't talked in weeks. So I mssged my ex telling him I still like him. Which I do. And then it hit me that my bf might be busy, so now im not sure what I should do. Because im panicking. My boyfriennd has been my guy bestfriend for years, I would hate to lose him because I messed up. :( pls help. (link)
Yes, you\'ve made a mistake. What you need to do is decide if you can live with telling him or not. Of course, being completely honest is the right thing to do. But telling the guy your seeing what you\'ve done will likely kill the relationship. If you want to maintain the current relationship, you\'ll probably have to hide this fact. Could you live with this? Personally, I couldn\'t keep something like that to myself. If I were in that situation, I\'d probably end things with the guy you\'re currently seeing.

This is assuming there\'s a relationship at all. You haven\'t heard from him in weeks and you\'ve only been dating for months. Find out where you stand with him. Call him and ask him why you haven\'t heard from him, then go from there.


21/f, he's 27/m

I met this guy, he's 27. We expressed interest in each other when we first met (but it was online). I was nervous about meeting him in person at first because I felt like I would be too young or too naive for him. I know that's not right for me to assume but I guess that's just how I feel.

After our first in-person meeting, I realized how much we had in common and he makes me smile, in the longest time, I was actually nervous. And even afterward, he seemed to actually still expressed interest in me but I can't help but have doubts in my head.

For example, I have an older sister that is a year younger than he is and even though she has a boyfriend, I sometimes fear that if he ever met her, he may like her instead just because she's closer to his age. Another is that our lifestyle is different. I obviously still live with my parents and I'm trying to get into graduate school; whereas, he already has a career going.

I have already had two relationships that has ended because my lifestyle and my family issues was "too much to handle." (Money issues, parents aren't getting along, etc.) My mom thought my last relationship ended because my boyfriend's parents didn't like the fact that we made less money than they did. Maybe that's why I may have doubts in my head?

He's aware that I have a 26 year old sister and he still seems to "like" me, I guess? He said he wanted to see me again but I'm afraid to appear in front of him, even afraid to show him my car just because of our lifestyle is so different.

Doubts in my mind. Maybe I'm not good enough? (link)
21 and 27 aren\'t that different. And if they were, it would be because you\'re of a more transitional age, where people tend to change. In that case, he would be the one worried that you would leave.

You are good enough. These fears you have would only be a factor if the person you were with wasn\'t worth your time. Maturity doesn\'t have an age limit and only jerks think money is a factor in someone\'s worth.


My boyfriend and I are in our mid-twenties. We have been together for about a year and a half and I've never had a reason to feel like I can't trust him. Yesterday evening, he went to bed and left his phone laying out on the counter. Now, looking into each other's phones is something we promised we'd never do. Neither of us get jealous easily and we've always gotten along SO well because we're both laid back.

Well, what I found hurt me a lot. There were two different girls that he had been texting from time to time over the course of the past few months. With one girl, he would text her randomly and tell her that she looked beautiful in her new Facebook photo, and then a few weeks later he would say that he wished he could come see her. The other girl, he'd call her sweet names and he said he'd be off work for a few days and thought that they should meet up. From what I could tell, he never met up with either of them. But seeing him flirt and sweet talk other girls hurts so bad and I don't accept that. Plus, if he's willing to say those things, what else has he done that I wouldn't find in his phone?

I don't know what to do. I don't put up with cheating but if it IS just words in a message, it is different from physical cheating but still is a betrayal of my trust. What I don't understand is that our whole relationship has felt like it's in that "honeymoon" stage. I've never felt like he's been unhappy at any point. We constantly have so much fun together and have rarely had even the smallest of arguments. He brags about me to all of his friends, his family loves me, we've made plans for our future... and then I discover he texts random girls every once in a while. They're never ongoing conversations but still very inappropriate.

I left him while he was sleeping and went back to my own house. Since then we've briefly discussed the situation but I really don't want to talk to him because there's nothing he can say to justify what he's done. He keeps apologizing and saying how bad he feels, and that he'd never actually cheat on me, the texts are just an ego boost for him and he only sends them when he's drunk, that's why he quits replying. It makes sense, but at the same time, I will not tolerate cheating and I'm just hurt so bad that I feel like I will always have doubts in the back of my mind.. but beside this situation, we are SOOOO good together and I don't want to throw that away. (link)
Flirting is not cheating. Flirting can be anything from this to a certain kind of smile given to a waitress in a coffee shop.

That\'s not to say what he did was harmless. What matters is how well he understood how you feel. Did he think that it would upset you if you ever found out about the texts? Probably, therefore he did something wrong.

I would give him a second chance, but not a third. It seems likely that he was telling the truth and this was just an ego boost without any attachment for the other two women. That\'s something to keep in mind. The type of connection that you two share isn\'t shared with these other women. Really, the type of connection you describe isn\'t commonly found in general, so I would put forth the effort to keep it.


I'm 15 and my friends(a little older than me) have been dating all that stuff.
I'm homechooled,and I live in a really small town so I don't really know any guys, and I really don't have much of a desire to date.

My family is Christian(I even live across the street from my church) and conservative.
I was wondering about when I have a boyfriend. I would have no idea what to do since I've never dated before, And considering that my freinds have already done sexual things, I'm worried he'd pressure me.

I would much rather wait to lose my virginity(preferably till marrage),I don't want a relationship to be all about sex and making out and stuff, I want it to be like we're best friends and all I really need is a guy who is nice, has a sense of humor, and treats me well.

I don't know...I guess I'm just afraid that when I do get a boyfriend he'll try to pressure me to do stuff I'm not ready for and I might not be able to say no... I'm really shy and I just don't know how to talk to guys either... (link)
Your fears are valid as this does happen. First and foremost, someone who pressures you into doing something they know you don't want to do is at fault, not you.

To clear up misunderstandings, tell your future boyfriend what you aren't comfortable with at the beginning of the relationship. Explain that you don't want to have sex until you're married. Make sure he knows what would cross the line. After this, if he tries to pressure you, it should be easier to turn him down as that would be a complete lack of respect. If he doesn't respect you, he's not worth it.

If you can't bring yourself to do this and you know that you might cave under pressure, then you might not be ready for a relationship. Wait until you're comfortable expressing yourself. Not having a boyfriend for awhile is a lot better than living with regret.




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