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I hope that if you come to this site, you feel at least some reassurance. Life is messy, life isn't perfect, and I love that there is a place, virtual as it is that can acknowledge this. I don't pretend to be perfect or know everything, but I promise that if you ask me a question, or if I see one and take an interest, I will answer it as best I can.Check out my forum here:
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advice
Hi, I'm 19/f and my boyfriend is 18.
He is currently living with me and my parents. We have been together for a year and two months. He's been living with me for almost 4 or 5 months.
Since he's moved in. I've noticed a change in the way I act with him. I'm not as affectionate. We rarely have sex. I get so irriated in everything he says or does. I'm not even sure why. The littlest things he does, just irriates me. We have little agruements, and than we will kiss and make up. Sometimes I am affectionate, and whatnot.
I just don't get it.
I like to have my space. But sometimes he just leans all up on me and it drives me crazy. Am I loosing feelings for him or something? Should I end it?
I really don't want too. I mean despite everything, I love him very much. When he's gone to work, I miss him.
Does this mean, I just like the thought of someone being there, or what? He thinks I only like the thought of having someone there, but I know I love him. I can't even think about losing him, or it hurts. Silly sounding, I know. But its true.
I'm just so stresed. I feel so guilty for even asking this question. Any advice on what I should do?
I also think, that one reason why I'm not that affectionate, is because I don't want to come off disrespectful to my parents. They don't like to see us all over each other; it was one of the rules when he moved in, along with sex, or he'd get kicked out.
I dunno. I'm just torn.
You're probably both frustrated because your not used to spending that amount of time together, and need more time spent alone or doing other things. This is not necessarily related to how much you love each other. No matter how awesome your relationship is, if you are spending all of your time together it is going to be frustrating.
Talk to your boyfriend about how you are feeling or how things are going. Perhaps you are not ready to move in together yet, or perhaps you need to plan on spending more time alone or doing other things.
A few days ago, my boyfriend (of over 9 happy months) asked if I love him. I told him I don't know, mostly because I'm 17 and know that I am naive about relationships (he said this was a "smart" answer for a teenage girl). When I asked him how he would have answered if I had asked him first, he said that he wouldn't have answered because he'd be afraid of scaring me away. Does this mean he does love me but didn't want to come on too strong, thinking I might not feel the same? Are there other ways to interpret his answer?
It probably means he loves you but is
a) like he said, worried about coming on strong and scaring you away
b) he may also be concerned about being too young/naive to be in love, given his reaction to your answer.
im 18/f & my ex-boyfriend is 19. we dated for two years but have 3 years of history together. we're each others first loves, planned to get married, everything. well we broke up back in march because problems started to arise. he changed from making me feel like the most important person in the world, always showing & telling me how much he loved me, wanting to be around me all the time, everything, to not showing any emotion and just acting careless about everything because one of his former "good" friends came back in the picture and suddenly he was always with her. so, we fought, we yelled we cried, i threatened to leave several times if he didnt get his shit straight, he still acted indifferent, so we broke up. a week or two later he feels bad and asks for another chance and said he'd change and just wanted me back. i said fine prove to me you we can be like we used to and things should be fine. didn't happen. things continued as they were so i said forget it i'm done. fast forward to now. we've been in contact again. and after seeing me the other night he apparently had an epiphany of how much i mean to him. he texted me literally begging for another chance, saying he loves me more than anything & i'm the best thing in his life and and he'll do any & everything he can to make things right again.
i dont know what to do though. i've been talking to different guys since we broke up. nothing serious. just a little flirting, kissed a few of them and that's it. i dont want to be in a relationship with any of these guys, but i like the freedom and don't feel like i want to be all serious and tied down now. at the same time though i do love this guy, i know he loves me despite our troubles, but i also feel like we're at a dead end. we obviously didn't make things work before, so why should we know? he said its because we cant say we honestly tried, but i just feel like we would come to break up again and i dont want to feel that hurt so soon again.
another thing is i'm going to college 4 hours away in the fall, so we'd inevitably break up. if not when i left, then sooner or later. so i sort of feel like we should hold off, but then i'm afraid we'll never be the same and lose our chance for good.
i think the problem is i know i dont want to be in a relationship right now, but im so scared im going to lose him forever. we've never felt the way we feel about each other before, and i honestly could see myself with him for the rest of my life, but then again we've had such difficult problems recently i feel like it's just too much trouble.
i dont even know what my question is. i honestly love him, but after all we've gone through i feel like being with him and trying to work it out is a hassle. i want to be single for awhile, but then with college approaching and me leaving, it leads me to think we've come to the end of our line. any input here?
From your question you sound like you are finished with him and ready to move on; you are just intimidated about doing so given all the history. If the bigness of the break is keeping you back, but you are fine with the breakup itself, then you should go for it.
If you feel like you would inevitably break up again, like you guys are at a dead end, and you don't want to be in a relationship right now, it would be really difficult for you guys to be together, no matter how huge is epiphany. You would ultimately be prolonging the inevitable.
It really sucks that things are changing, that you lose the connection you once had, but truthfully, from the way you phrased this question, it seems as though it is already lost.
Probably a better way to think about it is that you guys had some good times together, but now that they are over you would probably lose more by ignoring how you feel about this situation and trying to continue living in the past.
It seems hard to think about now, but love is a persistent emotion. You will have the chance to feel that incredible attachment to someone in the future, it just won't be with him (hopefully it will be with someone who doesn't start acting like a jackass).
Explain to him what you wrote here, that things are not like they were before, and to you the relationship has already ended. It will be tough to make the break official, but better for you in the end.
I think i am pregnant and i have only been with this guy for 2 months. We havn't even said I love you to each other. He means the world to me and I can see us together for a long time and so can he but I think I am pregnant and I told him he said it was a good thing and that he would be there for me and the baby, but I am only 16 and he is 17. I dont want his life to go down the drains because of me he had a life planed out and now I screw it up like this. On top of all that I jsut made a huge mistake. I took off my birth controle 2 weeks ago just incase I was pregnant and we had sex again with out a condom. I dont know what to do I am head over heals for him but dont want to rune his life like this.
First of all, calm down and wait until your next period. If you miss it take a pregnancy test. It's possible that you have nothing to worry about (and if it's still the day after sex without the condom, see if you can get some plan B).
If you believe yourself to be pregnant but don't want to "ruin your life" as it were, you should seriously consider abortion or adoption. It's great that he'd be supportive of you should you have a baby, but even so you probably would have a hard time raising it given the stage of life you are in.
If you are morally/personally against abortion, I would suggest you look for others that would be better able to handle a baby. There are plenty of couples that would love to have a kid but can't conceive; you could be helping them out by taking a difficult situation off of your shoulders. There are also options of open adoption if you feel bad giving away a kid of yours completely. This way you would still have the option of being involved in your kid's life without having to actually raise a child.
If you are not morally against abortion, that would be the easiest solution. There are many people that perpetuate information that abortions may cause cancer or infertility; this has not actually been proven (I believe there are studies that prove both). And while of course there is some emotional/physical pain involved, it would be a lot less than the physical pain of birth or the emotional pain of giving away a newborn child.
Take a deep breath and discuss these things with your boyfriend. Hopefully, the pregnancy test will come back negative.
My friend is twelve and she wants to have sex without a condum .She does not have her period and is a virgin.Can she still get pregnant?
If she is not getting her period, she is not ovulating. Without ovulation, there is no egg inside her uterus, ergo, the sperm will have nothing to fertilize and a baby cannot be made.
There is a very slim chance that if she ovulates for the first time before having sex she could get pregnant. It probably won't happen, but if she keeps having sex without knowing whether or not she will get her period in the near future, the first time she ovulates could result in pregnancy (instead of having a period, the usual result of ovulation).
Being a virgin has nothing to do with whether or not sex will result in pregnancy.
Keep in mind, if her partner has had sex before he may have an STD, so a condom would not be a bad idea.
Alright, ill just cut this short and get to the point:
Well i am 15 years old, my boyfriends 15 years old. We both go to the same school. Started going out about 7 months ago + have been since then. We have one of the best fricken relationships i have ever witnessed in my life. I do NOT know what i would be like without him in my life. I love him with all my heart, so much that no one can understand that except me + him. But i have been grounded and havent gotten to see him on the weekends at all for about 3 months now. (Except i see him at school, but still) And usually if that happened with someone else, they would have broken up with me cause they cant wait for me to be ungrounded. But him, no, he has been with me through this all and has stuck with me through it, and still loves me and acts like he always does. And it just makes me so fricken happy that hes like that. Cause of him, i am able to trust people more, and i dont know..i just get this wierd feeling thinking about him all the time..but a good wierd ;) And it feels SO good to know that he loves me and that i have nothing to worry about with him, cause i havent been with him on the weekends cause i usually always am. But in the past, my ex-boyfriends have cheated on me, lied to me, and almost every bad thing you could think of. And thats where i got my trust to dwindle down to almost nothing. So when i met him, (Dominick) I thought this would all happen again and i didnt trust him AT ALL. But once a week or so into our relationship, i got a big wake up call; I realized that he was the only one i could trust and that he was just the right one for me. It was so wierd though, cause i just got this really good feeling and i just realized all this. It was actually kind of cool if you ask me. Like i realized that he was the one i want to spend the rest of my life with + i just love him SO MUCH! But yeah, my real question is..would you call this love? I KNOW im in love but i just wanted some opinoins out there.
Thanks for taking your time to read this + sorry for the length. But thanks ahead of time!
You sound like you're in love based on the tone you used to describe him.
I think there are many ways to define love. Some people say it's a feeling and you just "know"; others say it's an action.
I personally think love is when you know all of the person's flaws but want to be with them anyway, and when you find yourself thinking not of yourself but of that other person.
I also like the bible definition from 1 Corinthians 13:4-8:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Have fun!
I'm 19 years old. I grew up with a very stable life. My parents are happily married, always have been. I'm close with both of them. They spoil me, care about me, and love me more than anything. I'm from a upper middle class family, pretty, smart and have a lot going for me.
The thing is, alot of guys have realized that and I have had attention from them ever since middle school. I lost my virginity at 14 and loved sex ever since. I refuse to count the number of guys I have slept with but I'm sure it is well over 30.
This is my deapest darkest secret and lately it has been eating away at me. nobody knows about this and I can't stop thinking about it. I don't know why I've slept with so many people...it just, happened and felt right at the time.
I want to know what is wrong with me or at least how I can get over this shame. I can't tell my boyfriend, my best friends. I've been tested so I don't have stds...but knowing that over 30 guys can go around saying they have had sex with me just kills me.
why would a stable girl be such a whore? how do I get over this?
help.
Let's get the terminology straight - a whore is someone who gets paid to have sex. Ergo, you are not a whore. There's no point in slut-shaming yourself.
You are making your consequences out to be way more than they are. If sleeping with these guys felt right at the time, there is no point in feeling ashamed of yourself! Really. There is so much pressure on girls to quell their sexual desires while men are encouraged to increase theirs. And it doesn't make sense. So why the hell would you beat yourself up by adopting such an ideology?
It is very possible that there is no hidden psychological reason why you are seeking sex (ie to feel loved, needed, whatever). You could just like having it. And that is totally okay!
Stop imagining what the guys you slept with say behind your back. It is not doing you any good. And if you hear anything like that, it's going to be hard, but you'll have to just shrug it off. Besides, if they had a drunken night with you, they probably have done the same with other people. If they try to shame you for being promiscuous, you could probably do the same right back.
When it's awkward around guys you have hooked up with, you could try either distancing yourself from them slowly, or just acting really non-sexual around them until it calms down.
All this being said - you feel like the consequences here are less shame based and more actual problems arising (ie things are awkward with guy friends is one), a good idea to curb the promiscuity would be to try getting less intoxicated (maybe buzzed instead of drunk), going to less parties where you know you are likely to hook up, and trying to set some clear mental boundaries for yourself.
Regardless, stop calling yourself a whore. Just because you had lots of sex, doesn't mean you should feel ashamed.
My boyfriend and i were together 11months, we were in love and everything just seemed perfect. We were best friends before we started going together and then we did, things just started to slow down kind of, i think we wanted to see what else was out there as 11 months is a long time. Since then he's kissed other girls n tht at clubs but i've not. Thing is when we're out we still act like what we did when we were together just without the sexual part of it. At his 18th when i said goodbye to him he told me he loved me and naturally i said it back.I hate it becuase i feel like we're in love and want to be together but we're only 17 so have like live our lives. But i really do feel we're meant to be and when we are out together we just act like normal with no awkwardness.
However i don't no if its just me that feels this way or even reli what i'm feeling. I'm too scared to ask him incase he doesn't feel the same or if he does i don't want to get my hopes up about getting back together.
Any ideas what i'm thinking or whether i should talk to him and what i should find out about him?
thanks
Who the hell cares if you are going to be "meant to be" or not? If you are enjoying each other's company, stay together; if not, break up, but don't go for the "plenty of other fish in the sea" crap if you are perfectly happy the way you are!
If you are feeling like you want him back, you need to talk to him. It is true that you have the rest of your life to meet other people; all the more reason to enjoy your time with him now.
What you need to weed out is how much he wants to be with you, and how much he was just looking around for something better with the security of having you there, waiting for him, if his life dating others didn't work out. For openers, introduce the idea that you may have missed him, and see how he feels. Try to figure out if he wants to be in a relationship at the present moment (from your post, it sounds like this is what you want), or is actually just wanting to date around.
It's going to be really scary to bring up these feelings, and of course you will face rejection, but unless you risk this things probably won't go back to the way they were. Good luck!
I really love my boyfriend, I really do. I care about him so much... But, I've noticed that we have different future plans. And all he talks about, is being together for the longest time. He says he wants to marry me, and I'm the only person he wants to have a family with. Honestly, that sounds pretty good to me. But, later on... I asked him what he wanted to do with his life in the future. He wants to go to a college in New York, with his music. And me, I want to stay where I am for a while and move out when I'm around 20 - 22 years old, and maybe try to study in California or abroad. When I told him that, he started crying... He said he didn't want to go to New York anymore, and he wanted to be where ever I was. He said I was worth his life if we ever broken up, "I didn't know what was the meaning of happiness, until I got it, I don't want to lose it". He had the most amazing plans ever, he wanted to be a great musician and play in New York. But he gave up on all of that, just to be with me. I don't think I'm worth all of that, he said it was okay... Because he would also like to be a band director and it's still something he loves to do. I feel like he deserves the best, and I'm the one holding him back from it all. What should I do?
You should have a serious discussion with him about your options in a long distance relationship vs. his options for what kind of schools he would want to go to in your area.
Tell him that you would hate to see him pass up these opportunities - that that would make you feel... however you are feeling. Tell him that you guys can still be together if he moves away.
I don't know how far New York City is from you, but I know that you can get bus rides to it from practically anywhere for a dollar, if you book enough days in advance. University also usually has long holidays and opportunities like exchange (so you guys could potentially go somewhere abroad in the same area, or where each other lives). Tell him that he is thinking too black and white. In his head, either he gives up all of his opportunities and stays with you or you guys break up, and this is totally not true. I know of two couples off the top of my head that went to separate cities for university several hours away and then got married. He shouldn't feel like if he chooses to follow his goals, he is giving up you.
After this discussion, try to pry from him his opportunities staying where you are. Depending on where you live, there may be a good music school not too far away... but if there is absolutely nothing available to him, he needs to know this, too.
Lastly, try to communicate with him how sure you are with your own plans. I'm not saying change your own plans because of him, but in the case you are not totally sure what you are doing, if you didn't give him a sense of that he could be sacrificing all this to be in a place where you may or may not be living in future.
If his decision does not change, try not to feel guilty. Remember that ultimately it was/is his choice, and you should feel proud that you did not go out trying to manipulate his choice in any way. Regardless of what happens, try to think of not how you could have screwed up his options, but of how happy you have made him to get him in that crazy-in-love state.
Hey everyone. 19/male here.
My girlfriend (18) and I have been going out for almost 8 months, and so far we have mostly had fun. This has been my first serious relationship and I am completely in love with her. We do fight somewhat often, but we usually manage to work it out and make up. Unfortunately, we both have different goals for both the summer and for the future... she wants to move out by the end of the summer because she can't stand her family and needs to get her own space and be her own person. She says this is a necessity and she has to do it with or without me. I originally told her I was on board, but after really thinking about that I don't know if i'm ready, or if I can take a semester off of college to work to make the money to move out. I've already told her this and she became extremely upset, and we both don't know what to do. We both love each other very much and are extremely attached but have different goals. I know if we broke up we both would be devastated severely. While I have considered it I feel like I could never do it because I care and love her so much. I guess my question is basically, what should I do....?
Paying the funds to move out of the house is a big deal, and she shouldn't be expecting you to do so! If you give her some time to cool off, she will probably realize this; most likely she is having a hard time accepting a sudden change in plans, what with all of these big decisions being made.
Be there in every way you can to support her non-financially. Explain, if you haven't already, the sacrifices you would have to make to help her fund living on her own. And try to counsel her in her other options. For instance, she could always find a roommate and split the cost of rent, if she found a place, or find a friend/someone she knows who shares similar moving-out-for the summer goals.
Coming from my own experience, she is probably seriously overwhelmed by moving out, her ability to do so, and other life changes. There is a strong possibility that her becoming upset has a lot more to do with her fear of not being able to move out/the fact that you changed your mind than you not wanting to move in with her.
Once again, give her space to cool off, and by no means should you think of altering your life plans for this! As for breaking up, I wasn't sure how this entered into the equation, unless she is the one threatening this in which case she is either totally confused or a total asshole. Making a choice to give up certain things to pay to live on your own is big and not something she should expect from you (I'm reiterating here)! Even the choice to move in with someone is something that (I've heard) is big. Someone who tries to get you to do either before you are ready is not someone worth being with in the first place.
But as for you breaking up with her - relax. These are difficult decisions; it's going to be a bit intense for her sorting them through. So step back, let her be frustrated, and once this has calmed down you can go on with your relationship.
~~As a side note, if the only way she can move out is by depending on your money, she probably isn't ready to and her actions towards you start to borderline manipulative.(Once she is more calm) try to point her in the way of student loans, jobs, ect.
Okay So Today Is Easter Sunday And I Didn NOT Sleep At All Because I Was Talking To A Guy Named Anthony All Night And All Morning On MySpace IM And Yahoo Messenger. It Was For Like...More Than 10 Hours. Even Though We Have Never Gone Out With Eachother,We Tell Eachother We Love Eachother So Much All The Time. Then He Tells Me Something That Left Me Motionless And Breathless. He Told Me That He Wanted To Spend The Rest Of His Life With Me. I Was COMPLETELY Amazed By Him. I Didn't Know What To Say But "Oh" And "Really". And If Anyone In My Family Found Out I Was Engaged At 13 Almost 14 To A Guy That's 15 Almost 16...Then They Would Kill Me! But I Love Him Too Much To Let Him Go. Despite The 13 Mile Difference,I'm Going To See Him. I Love Anthony So Much! Tell Me If I Should Wait Or Go For What I Believe In And For Who I'm In Love With(:
"I want to spend the rest of my life with you" is usually a nice statement people say, and by no means indicates engagement (unless he specifically mentioned marriage).
I would meet the guy for a date before letting these feelings totally take you over. Although your relationship could potentially blossom, talking with someone online and being with them in person are two totally different things.
I wasn't totally able to tell from the post, but if you have never seen this guy in person, bring someone with you when you meet him. You never know.
ok i have been dating my boyfriend for a little over a month n hes my very first boyfriend. im 16 by the way. yeah and my friend, lets call him TT told me some thigns about him that make me feel a bit nervous. im kinda not sure if i want to have sex before marraige but i definatly want to wait till after high school n TT knows that but idk if my boyfriend does. n TT was talking to me n he told me that my boyfriend once told him that life is about banging as many bitches as you can. that makes me realy nervous about if he'd pressure me into doing something i dont want to and if he'd cheat on me n hes reaaly dating me for only one thing. i dont even know if TT is telling teh truth, he did have a chrush on me and he was kinda heartbroken when he found out i got a boyfriend so im wondering if maybe hes only telling me that to ruin my relationship or is he realy trying to keep me from making a huge mistake. please give me ur advice its very much appreaciated.
TT could be saying what he said for any number of reasons. As well, since you were not actually there, what he said could be misconstrued (ie - he may have been joking, not meaning what he was saying, ect.).
Don't worry about him pressuring you before he actually does. Also be aware that if he ever did ask you for sex, the situation would probably be you telling him no, and that being the end of it. So far you have no reason to be making judgments about anything relating to your bf's wants/needs.
If this is something that is bothering you, you should bring it to your boyfriend's attention. "I know this is paranoid, my guy friend thinks you want lots of sex, he's probably wrong, right?" (half joking). Or just casually bring up sex, and tell him that you are fairly sure you are waiting until marriage.
Likely he's just as unsure about sex as you are, and dealing with it by making wisecracks to his friends in the meantime.
ok so here's the deal... i like this guy in my grade and i see him everyday. I really like him and i don't even know him! i don't know if hes nice i don't know if he has a girlfriend and heck! i don't even know his last name... two qustions...
1.) is it bad to like somebody u have never met?
2.) What should i do?
It's not bad to like someone you've never met. It might be awkward for you, sure, but it's quite normal and happens all of the time.
The main thing to do now is get to know him. Linger outside the classroom or whatever and start some sort of frivolous conversation, for example, start talking about what you think of the course.
If all goes well with you initiating the mini conversations (and online things like facebook/myspace/msn can help with this), you will know him well enough to know if you actually like him or not, or be in the position to either ask him out or become more acquainted to him as a friend.
hey im 13/f and i have a boyfriend of 1 year. i love him so much! And we got talkin about sex, and he said that since ima virgine, he would be super carefull with me. and then i told him im scared of ending up pregnat, he said we wont have sex untill i'm ready but i really want to, we were going too hang out tonight at ten so whom ever reads this please give me some advice, cuz i need it. P.s I really wanna wiff him i just dont knoe what ta dp.
Love,
Lil Ms. Cunfuzzled
-Use a condom, and make sure to use it properly. By this I mean don't use two at once, make sure to roll it on when he's hard, leaving a little bit of room at the tip and then pinching the tip part. Always use lubricated latex condoms. They are 98% effective against STDs and pregnancy, and the non-effective part is usually due to people using them improperly
-Buy some other kind of protection, like VCF (vaginal contraceptive fluid) that is usually found in the same isle as the condoms. This will make sure that, in case something goes wrong with the condom, you probably won't get pregnant.
-Make sure that you are relaxed, turned on, and very wet before he enters you. Otherwise it will be uncomfortable for you, and who wants that the first time?
-Make sure that you are both communicating before and during sex. You don't necessarily have to be having a full out conversation about the deed, but it will be better for both of you if you do things like moan (or whatever you usually do) when it feels good, and telling him to stop if he does anything that hurts.
Most of all, don't let anyone shame you for having sex. Many people have different opinions about the topic, but they don't know you as well as you know yourself.
well i was just wondering how like everyone says that if you don't fight or have alot of bad times then its not a real relationship? but like i really like this guy, we're not technically dating but we both really like each other and i think he's gonna ask me out soon the next time we hang out, but we don't fight at all and we have so much fun together but we've never been in a fight yet. so my question is, is that normal? does it mean our relationship won't last because its not real? i kinda want a fight to come though because i want to see if he will still stay with me but i dont wanna like pick a fight, what should i do? thankss
16/f
You don't have a real relationship because you don't fight, you don't have one because he hasn't asked you out yet! One step at a time =].
As for this fight business, no, creating a fight won't make it "real". Basically, the statement refers to how two people in a relationship who care about each other and spend enough time together usually will hurt each other in little ways without realizing it. Not that it's anyone's fault, but spending a lot of time with someone else with different ways of thinking and expressing themselves almost guarantees this. As these issues arise, there are three options: you pretend you aren't hurt, you break up with the other person, or you talk it out and deal with the problem.
Having a fight in this case doesn't have to be a fight in the traditional sense (you know, screaming, throwing furniture). Ideally, there will be some way of releasing the frustration in a loving way (ie. "It bugs me when you ________, and I feel like you don't care about me when you _______"). Ideally, there is enough communication so you have a little "fight", no one gets hurt, and you both learn how to deal with issues that come up in the relationship so no one gets hurt.
Right now you are getting along and happy and this is a GOOD thing. Eventually, though, if you date for long enough, you may find you have your little issues. Now, I don't recommend yelling at him, respectfully telling him is usually a better way, but you will find that the bumps in relationships do happen, and you can deal with them when they come.
btw before you read this im 13/f
ok i added this boy on my cousin's myspace.
so then he messaged me "your hott would you fuck me. ?
and i go" why.?" and he goes cuz "your hot and i will definatly fuck you."
than i go " are you virgnin?"then he goes "yeah i am.. if you r i would make you not a virgin.=]"
and i go "yeah" then jokingly i go "okk. good. "
he goes" how big do you like them" and i go i d ont know and he goes "well mine is 7inces. thats big enough for you baby =]" and i dont know him. my cousin knows him .
is he joking.? would he know i was joking.?
I wouldn't get worked up about this. For the most part, he is either joking or typing down comments without really thinking straight. It sounds offensive, but it's actually harmless. The guy has just hit puberty, the idea of having sex is new and exciting to him. He's trying to hit on you not because he actually wants to hit on you or have sex with you, but because the whole thing is new and exciting to him and so he's trying out the whole player persona-thing mostly to dare himself - he probably likes the whole ridiculousness of it.
Either that or he has a twisted sense of humour.
To respond you can either:
1) message him back in a joking put down-y way. Get in on his sense of humour.
eg. "7 inches?? thats tiny man ive seen way bigger"
The downside is that you may feel uncomfortable doing this.
2) Stop replying to his messages, stop reading his messages, and block him. You don't actually know this guy, so you have lost nothing by doing this except a really annoying, slightly offensive myspace contact.
I would personally do option 2. Remember that just because your cousin has him on myspace does not mean that he actually knows him (or knows him well); a lot of people add random classmates to these kinds of websites, or even people that they don't know at all.
He's likely harmless, but if he's bothering you in any way, don't feel bad at all about dropping him as a contact.
My boyfriend has cheated on me 3 times...he says that the reason for what he has done is because of me...keep in mind i never have cheated on him..
HIS REASON FOR CHEATING ON ME HE SAYS IS BECAUSE OF THE THINGS I DO TO HIM..WHICH IS WHEN WE ARGUE AND HE DOESINT LET ME TALK AT ALL I HANG UP ON HIM AND WHEN HE CALLS ME OUT OF MY NAME I HANG UP ON HIM AND DONT ANSWER HIS CALLS..ALSO WHEN I GO OUT WITH MY FRIENDS OR ANYTHING HE IS SO INSECURE THAT HE CALLS ME EVERY TIME I GO OUT AND STAYS ON THE PHONE WITH ME...WHILE HES STAYING ON THE PHONE WITH ME HE STRARTS QUESTIONING ME AND STARTS ACTING VERY INSECURE HE STARTS NAGGING ME NAGGING ME OVER THE PHONE...WHILE IM WITH MY FRIENDS...HE SAYS THINGS LIKE YEA LET ME CALL YOU LATER GO BE WITH YOUR FRIENDS OR WHAT YOU DOING WHO WAS THAT IN THE BACKGROUND. I GET MAD WHEN HE DOES THOSE THINGS SO WE START TO ARGUE AND HE ENDS UP GETTIN ME SO FRUSTERATED THAT I HANG UP AND DONT ASNWER HIS CALLS FOR THE REST OF THE DAY...THEN WHEN I CALL HIM HE GETS MAD AT ME FOR IGNORING HIS CALLS. THEN I GET BLAMMED FOR CHAETING ON HIM AND GETTING THOUGHT OF AS A CHEATER...HE IS THE ONE THAT MAKES ME NOT WANNA TALK TO HIM WHEN I GO OUT AND HAVE A INNOCENT TIME WITH MY FRIENS BECAUSE ALL HE DOES IS BE MEAN AND START ARGUEMENTS WITH ME FOR NO REASON..SO OVERALL HE SAYS THAT HES CHEATED ON ME BECAUSE OF ME NOT ANSERING HIS CALLS WHEN I GO OUT...BUT I HAVE MY REASONS ITS NOT BECAUSE IM CHEATING ON HIM OR IM HIDING SOME GUY FROM HIM ITS BECAUSE I CANT EVEN HAVE A GUD TIME WITHOUT HIM NAGGING ME AND BIENG INSECURE,,,,SO I WANTED TO KNOW IS HIS REASON FOR CHEATING ON ME A GUD ENOUGH REASON FOR SLEEPING AND DOING THINGS WITH OTHER GIRLS?? ALL HE DOES IS BALME ME FOR HIS WRONG DOINGS...I FEEL LIKE HE DID WHAT HE DID BECAUSE HE WANTED TO,,,,I LOVE HIM A LOT AND I STAY WITH HIM BECAUSE I LOVE HIM BUT HE DOESINT SEE THAT....IM CONFUSED AND DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO...
Calling you all of the time to make sure he always knows where you are and who you are with are signs that this guy is controlling, possibly even abusive. Someone in a relationship should be able to trust the other person. If you haven't given him any reason to not trust you, that's his problem. How he deals with it should not be to try to control you by always wanting to know what you are doing all of the time (this is unrealistic). "Punishing" you for hanging up on him when hello, what girl wouldn't, is manipulative and unacceptable. Besides, if all he does is start fights and not letting you hang out with other people by calling you all of the time, he really doesn't deserve you anyway.
I will have been with my boyfriend for 3 years come early July. I love him a lot and he claims to feel the same. Things in his life have been pretty rough lately, so sometimes he's depressed.
I have begun to notice that the only time he is happy, smiling, or laughing is when he is with his friends. I can't even remember the last time he was happy to be just with me. This really concerns me, as I feel it's kinda important to make him happy since I'm his girlfriend.
I'm always wondering if he would just be happy with someone else and if I should move on. I don't want to lose him, but I love him enough to let him go if I can't make him happy like he needs to be.
I know that I need to talk to him and I'm the only one that can fix this, but I need help on what to say. I need help understanding why he does the things he does. A guy's perspective would be really helpful right now.
These are just some of the strange things he's been doing lately:
-Earlier this week we went out with a big group of friends. He ignored me the entire time. He didn't hold my hand, put his arm around me, or even speak to me. He didn't even offer to pay for me (which is unusual for him). He was occupied with his friend and this girl the whole time. I confronted him about it and he said he just didn't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable. (So apparently he doesn't care if I'm uncomfortable?)
-He turned 21 in January, but he never drinks. Never. But today his friend asked him to go to the bar with him, so he broke plans with me to go hang out with his friend. He had a good reason to go spend time with his friend (he's moving out of state), but he didn't invite me to hang out afterward. Not to mention the fact that he never goes to bars (his friend likes bars, but they have never gone together). Why would he want to hang out there all of a sudden?
-If he ever comes over to spend the night with me after an evening of hanging out, he just wants to go right to bed. But if I give the slightest hint that I want to have sex, all of a sudden he's awake. This makes me feel like the only quality time he wants to spend with me alone is if we're having sex. I'm thinking about stopping the sex altogether until things get better.
I'm just at a loss of how to fix this. Normally, if these things happened individually, I wouldn't give this stuff a second thought. But since it's all happen within a few days of each other, it's really starting to get to me. Suggestions?
I really do think that you are overreacting with these things. Him paying more attention to other people around him in a group really isn't weird. It can be uncomfortable, but it's probably him trying, and failing, to get the balance right between talking to his girlfriend and his friends (and failing). It may be strange for him to a bar with his friend (and rude to cancel plans), but the fact that the friend is moving is probably the reason. And if he's tired after an evening out, sex being the thing that wakes him up from that isn't even that unusual.
On the other hand, if you are genuinely getting the vibe that your boyfriend isn't happy with you, it's pretty important that you talk about it. Tell him that you might be being paranoid, but you are worried that he doesn't seem to be that happy when he is with you. I'm not sure that any of these could be use individually as examples on their own, but you may, for example, say something to the effect of "I like having sex, but lately I feel distant from you, and want to talk more." You should ask if he needs some space, if he is in an awkward mood for whatever reason, or if you are imagining something that isn't there. Ask (in a non-nagging way) if anything is bugging him. Really, we don't know your boyfriend, so the best thing to do is talk to him about this as honestly as possible, even if you're not sure of what to say. You may want to approach the him feeling/ acting depressed as well, because there might be something that he is genuinely stressing about that has nothing to do with you.
Well Im in 8th grade and hes in 6th grade. Im 13. Hes 12. He really cute. Well last night was our last school dance. I thought i should ask him to dance because he wont be at the dances next year because ill be at the high school and i would have to wait for 2 years. Well one of my friends boyfriend is his friend. So my friends ask him to ask the guy i like if he would dance with me. He said yeah and he asked me. He asked if i had a boyfriend and why i didnt have one and stuff like that. Then he asked me out and i said yeah. But now i dont know if he actually likes me or if he felt sorry for me. WHAT DO U GUYS AND GIRLS THINK?
Heres another thing. Im not that good with boys...as boyfriends....i can talk to guys who are my friends easliy but im shy around my boyfriends....usually he has to start a conversation because i dont know what to say...what should i do?
You're in the eighth grade, he's probably flattered that you like him! Yes, there is always that possibility that a guy could date you based on suspicious motives, however, in this case, with the whole pity assumption, I'd say you're being paranoid.
Good luck!
And as a side note, if you're having trouble talking to this guy, try to talk to him as though you were talking to a friend. After all, friend and girlfriend/boyfriend conversations are usually not that different, if we take away the commitment, the attraction, and such. Try just saying anything at first instead of worrying too much about saying the "right" thing. Try to relax (even though it may be hard) and bring up topics that might relate to both of your lives. You know, school, the dance, friends you have in common. Have fun!
My boyfriend's friend says That my bf's
Really loud and obnoxious with his friends
But quiet around me. is this good or bad?
Most people act differently depending on whom they hang out with. If you are quieter and less "obnoxious" so to speak, he'll adjust the way he acts accordingly. It's not good or bad, that being said, it's kinda cute that he's showing this other side of himself to you =].