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so complicated
im 18/f & my ex-boyfriend is 19. we dated for two years but have 3 years of history together. we're each others first loves, planned to get married, everything. well we broke up back in march because problems started to arise. he changed from making me feel like the most important person in the world, always showing & telling me how much he loved me, wanting to be around me all the time, everything, to not showing any emotion and just acting careless about everything because one of his former "good" friends came back in the picture and suddenly he was always with her. so, we fought, we yelled we cried, i threatened to leave several times if he didnt get his shit straight, he still acted indifferent, so we broke up. a week or two later he feels bad and asks for another chance and said he'd change and just wanted me back. i said fine prove to me you we can be like we used to and things should be fine. didn't happen. things continued as they were so i said forget it i'm done. fast forward to now. we've been in contact again. and after seeing me the other night he apparently had an epiphany of how much i mean to him. he texted me literally begging for another chance, saying he loves me more than anything & i'm the best thing in his life and and he'll do any & everything he can to make things right again.
i dont know what to do though. i've been talking to different guys since we broke up. nothing serious. just a little flirting, kissed a few of them and that's it. i dont want to be in a relationship with any of these guys, but i like the freedom and don't feel like i want to be all serious and tied down now. at the same time though i do love this guy, i know he loves me despite our troubles, but i also feel like we're at a dead end. we obviously didn't make things work before, so why should we know? he said its because we cant say we honestly tried, but i just feel like we would come to break up again and i dont want to feel that hurt so soon again.
another thing is i'm going to college 4 hours away in the fall, so we'd inevitably break up. if not when i left, then sooner or later. so i sort of feel like we should hold off, but then i'm afraid we'll never be the same and lose our chance for good.
i think the problem is i know i dont want to be in a relationship right now, but im so scared im going to lose him forever. we've never felt the way we feel about each other before, and i honestly could see myself with him for the rest of my life, but then again we've had such difficult problems recently i feel like it's just too much trouble.
i dont even know what my question is. i honestly love him, but after all we've gone through i feel like being with him and trying to work it out is a hassle. i want to be single for awhile, but then with college approaching and me leaving, it leads me to think we've come to the end of our line. any input here?
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Girl I was in the same situation. I don't care what anyone says, people do deserve second chances but it doesn't mean it's going to change anything. Guys around this age are immature and don't truly know what they want. When he's around you, of course he's going to remember how much he cares about you, and how much you mean to him, but as soon as he goes back to his friends or his life away from you, he's going to naturally fall back to the way he used to be. Once you break up chances of things going back to the way they were is extremely slim. I've tried with many many guys, and I know many girls that have done the same. Now that you are happy and enjoying your single life don't throw it away to go back to how you felt before. You are only going to get more attached and its going to be harder to move on if things don't work out. Things didn't work out for a reason and sometimes you just have to stop looking back and start moving on. It's part of life it's going to be tough but you have learned alot and you are going to get stronger from it! Especially now that you're going away to college enjoy being single learn about yourself ENJOY yourself. When youre in a relationship you can't just think about yourself, you have someone else to think about. Being in college is about learning to be on your own. You will find someone you love, you will be in a great committed relationship later on in life. Don't rush it just move on and be as happy as you can be until then.
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From your question you sound like you are finished with him and ready to move on; you are just intimidated about doing so given all the history. If the bigness of the break is keeping you back, but you are fine with the breakup itself, then you should go for it.
If you feel like you would inevitably break up again, like you guys are at a dead end, and you don't want to be in a relationship right now, it would be really difficult for you guys to be together, no matter how huge is epiphany. You would ultimately be prolonging the inevitable.
It really sucks that things are changing, that you lose the connection you once had, but truthfully, from the way you phrased this question, it seems as though it is already lost.
Probably a better way to think about it is that you guys had some good times together, but now that they are over you would probably lose more by ignoring how you feel about this situation and trying to continue living in the past.
It seems hard to think about now, but love is a persistent emotion. You will have the chance to feel that incredible attachment to someone in the future, it just won't be with him (hopefully it will be with someone who doesn't start acting like a jackass).
Explain to him what you wrote here, that things are not like they were before, and to you the relationship has already ended. It will be tough to make the break official, but better for you in the end.
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