Gender:
FemaleLocation:
North Carolina, United StatesOccupation:
Computer NerdAge:
26Yahoo:
dearheart790Member Since:
December 27, 2004Answers:
82Last Update:
March 28, 2005Visitors:
14595Favorite Columnists
Alin75
ballerina04
MFS
Karen
FunnyCide
PuReLuVeR143
BooDog
misunderstood64
Zoinatrobe
Main Categories:
Love Life
Families
Spirituality
View All
about
My name is Fawn and I have been married for 2 1/2 years. I am a Christian, and like to think that I am a good listener. I hope to go back to college this year and eventually earn a my masters degree in psychology. It has been a dream of mine for many years now to be in an occupation that I can help people and receive the peace that will come with knowing that I am doing something important with my life. My husband and I lived in Virginia for a year and a half and we are looking forward to getting back there after I finish my education. I love dogs, music, books, travel and photography. Most of my time is spent with my church family, my immediate family and my wonderful husband. Be nice and I will be nice. Be rude and I will be rude. Ask my opinion and that is what you will get. I am open minded and honest and I give and expect respect.
I am check my inbox daily so send me a question and I promise (excluding personal illness or family emergency) that I will respond quickly. Take care and I hope to hear from you soon!
advice
you have recently answered a question for me and I would really like to thank you for the time that you spent doing this for me .
You are most certainly welcome. I hope that the advice was helpful. Please contact me anytime that I can help you. I am always here. Take care of yourself. Best Wishes Always!
Me and my fiance have been together for going on 3 and half years, that was until Wednesday. We have now split, because I ask him to show me that he loves me more often, because I ask this he blames me for "cussing" at him to much. I know that it is hard for him sometimes to show me this but it is something that I feel that I need, even though I am pretty sure that he does love me. i have never cheated on him or anything to hurt him, he means more than life to me, and will give it all that I have to make sure that he is happy. This is not the first time that we have seperated, and after a few days and does eventually return but this time, my heart is not so sure. Can you tell me what you think will happen to my bf and I. Will you also give me advice on what to do to make sure that this never happens again??
I am going to try to answer this question using my own personal history and just hope that this will be the answer that you are looking for. This split sounds like it is coming from a lack of communication between you and your fiance. He doesnt communicate his feelings for you to you because he is either unable or unwilling to. You are unable to explain to him how important it is for him to be demonstrative in a way that he will understand. For any kind of a relationship to work there has to be open communication and trust. The open communication creates that trust which is the foundation upon which you should base your relationship. Having said that, Im not sure how you will be able to go about creating that kind of foundation. You said that this is not the first time that you two have seperated which leads me to believe that there are greater issues there that go beyond a lack of affection. Perhaps there is something else that you two lack, that spark of chemistry that is nessessary for a relationship to work out its own problems. Perhaps you lack nothing other than full honesty. Lets evaluate that.
Do you feel as though he is supportive of you? Do you share your problems and feelings with him about things inside of your relationship and outside of it? Do you both include eachother completely in eachothers lives? Do you share either common interests or enough sensitivity to one another to share in activities that you might not nessessarily like? If you answer no to any of those questions these are the areas that are leading to the affection problems that you two are having. If you answered yes to all of them, that means that you really have something that you can build on here. Lets go on to the next few.
Do you ever feel neglected, unwanted or disrespected? Do you two ever intentionally hurt one another? Are there any questions about fidelity between you two? If you answer yes to any of those questions, abandon this relationship immediately. It is not healthy and will never be healthy because there is no respect.
I think that as long as the negative stuff from above doesnt apply to this relationship, you have a really good chance of working through this and preventing contention in the future. First thing that you should do is sit down now that you are taking a break and really ask yourself if this is the man that you want to spend the rest of your life with. Can you imagine your life without him? If so, is it a happy one? Do you really love him? Do you want to make this work? Answer those questions before you do anything else. If you do not think that you love him enough to try to make this work, because it might be tough going for a while, you need to walk away. Stay good friends because of your history but walk away from the relationship aspect. For good.
If you do want to make it work, I have one basic suggestion for you. Though you might have tried it before I really think that sitting down with him to have a serious talk is the next step. Allow him to voice his opinions and get him to allow you to voice yours. Share wtih him how the lack of affection makes you feel, what kind of a relationship you want this to be. Listen to him as well, that is very important. Show him the affection that you are seeking and maybe, after time that will make it easier for him to show you the same. It is different for most men because society gears each sex differently. Women are supposed to be soft powder puffs who weep at the sight of kittens and men are supposed to be tough brawny creatures that chop wood for fun. As funny as that might sound, in our society that is basically it in a nutshell. It doesnt have to be that way though. Start with talking, show him through your actions, trust him and love him until he gives you a reason not to. Be supportive of him. After a passage of time, re-evaluate this situation. If it has not gotten any better, chances are that it is not going to. If this is something that you need for you to stay in this relationship, consider leaving it. If things are starting to get better and he shows genuine signs of trying, give it more time. Above all, let him know that you love him but need this and do NOT settle. Realize that your wants and needs in this relationship are just as important as his are and do not give in. Compromise is a good thing, a just thing, but when it involves your self image/esteem it is not. You deserve to be happy. If it is with him, great. If it is not with him, you WILL find someone else.
Think about what you really want. If it is him, seriously talk to him about all of this (after the sufficient cooling off period has passed of course) and give it some time. Keep your needs in front of your mind but dont forget his. See how things change. If they change for the better, wonderful. If they do not, consider walking away. Open, honest communication is the only way to save any relationship and is the only way to prevent these kind of problems from happening again. Do not be afraid or wary of speaking up for yourself and demanding respect and love.
Im sorry that I got so long winded, but that is what it seems that I do lol. I hope that I have answered your question and given you some good things to think about. Please contact me again if I have been unclear about something or if you need any other help. I am always here. Take care of yourself, respect yourself. I hope that this all works out for the best, for you and for him. Best Wishes!
my mom said she would buy me birth control pills and to just tell her if me and my boyfriend are gonna ahve sex because she knows him and she likes him and weve been together for a while...were thinkin about it but i just wanted to know how effective against pregnancy is a birth control pill?? is it safe to use a condom AND birth control at the same time? and should i just tell my mom or just do it behind her back because i heard you have to go to the doctor to get the pills...thats embarassing
For effective pregnancy prevention it is advised to use a condom and birth control if you are going to have sex. Birth control pills are only about 97 percent effective in preventing pregnancy.
I would absoloutely tell your mother before you decide to have sex. You need to be prepared. Condoms bust or leak all of the time resulting in the transference of STD's and resulting in pregnancy. Don't take that risk if your mother is offering to help you.
As far as being embarrassed about going to the doctor for birth control pills, dont be embarassed at all. Doctors prescribe birth control pills all of the time for young women to regulate their periods, control the hormone levels in their blood, to make them have periods, to prevent the woman from having excessive periods, etc. Most of the girls that I went to highschool with were on birth control pills. The women in my family have all on birth control pills due to hormone irregularities that were passed down from woman to woman. I started taking BC pills in my early teens to correct that problem and to regulate my period. There is nothing to it at all, the doctor will not turn it into an embarrasing situation at all, especially if your mother is there with you. It would be much more embarassing to get pregnant, young unmarried and broke. When you go to the doctor ask him/her to give you brochures on birth control pills, the risks and side affects and so forth. Millions of sexually inactive women take BC pills. There are several types of birth control pills that also help control acne and other dermotological problems. Take care of yourself, prepare yourself.
I hope this all works out for you. Best Wishes!
How long do you think a couple should be together before they get married adn how old do you think they should be?
This is a tough question because it is tough to find an answer that covers all relationships in all circumstances. I think that in MOST cases a couple should date for at least 8 months before discussing marriage. That is a good general rule that gives the relationship time to be tested and the people in it to really know eachother.
I am also of the opinion that a couple should not get married until they are financially able to take care of themselves which excludes most teenage marriage. Financial troubles are the cause of more than half divorces in this country alone. Also, before you get married you have to be mature enough to handle all of the aspects of that kind of a relationship/commitment and I dont think that MOST teenagers can do that. Now, while I say that I do have to say that I know a couple who married as teens and are still happily married, years later and have one of the strongest marriages that I know. The most important things, before considering marriage, is to know beyond all doubt that you love this person, that he/she loves you, that you want to wake up to this person (and this person alone) for the rest of your life, that you can handle all of the problems (health, financial, emotional) that can and will occur in a marriage and that you are mature enough to make that kind of a decision.
One of the most important foundations of a marriage in my opinion is a strong shared faith in God. If you are considering marriage, pray about it with your future spouse. If you are a person of faith, seek God's guidance before you make any decisions. You will be amazed at how much help that guidance really is.
Make sure that you and your future spouse are ready for the commitment. Sit down and go over everything that can happen and make sure you two are prepared for it. Contact me anytime. Best Wishes!
This is crazy cause I've been cool with this character for some time now. we started off as cool friends, then we realized that we had a lot in common and also thought the same and finished off eachother sentences. After a while, we realized that we both liked eachother alot but decided to stay friends because we both still talked to other people and wasn't really ready for a relationship. even though we agreed all that, he still kept giving me mixed signals, all the time! we went out a couple of times and when we did he would hold my hand and things like that. when we kissed, i felt butterflies in my stomach. i really began to like him because i thought that he was different from all the other guys i talked to. we talked every night on the phone for like 3 hours. everything seemed so right, so i decided to take it to the next level cause i was curious. something happened. everything seemed right. he told me he ain't never felt like how he do for me so fast. well, the next day he didn't call. the following day i called him, he didn't answer. he did return my call like 20 minutes later and it sounded like he was in his car. i was talking to my friend so i told him i'll call back later. i called back and he said he was busy so i said call me back. well, to make a long story short, it seems like he's very different in the past 2 days. my question is, do you think he's acting this was because he's confused, or was he a jerk all along and i was just blind and i should 4get him!? help me please cause i'm so confused!!! i also feel used and betrayed.
There really is no way for you to know for sure what he is feeling unless you talk to him. If he is unhappy with the new change in your relationship and/or with what happened between you two he could be scared of sharing that with you and is trying to avoid you to avoid the situation. Or, he could just be really busy with life. Don't drag this out. Tell him that you need to talk to him, that it is very important that the two of you sit down, face to face, and talk. Ask him what is going on. If you have spent a lot of time with him you will know if he is being honest or not. Listen to him then make your decision. If he played you, walk away from him and forget the relationship. If he didn't talk to him about where to go from here.
Don't make any decision until you have talked to him and heard what was going on. Give him a chance to defend himself. If he used you, he is slime and doesn't warrent any more attention from you. If he didn't, see if a relationship is possible.
Best Wishes!
This is mostly to the females out there: What is the most romantic- meaningful gift you've ever received?
A complete night of relaxation. A massage, followed by a soak in a nice warm bubble bath with classical music playing in the background. After I got dressed again, dinner was waiting on the table (my favorite dish), a bouquet of stargazer lillys was in the middle of the table (roses do get old) and a gift wrapped box was on my plate. It contained a key. After dinner we got in his car, drove out to this cute cabin in the Shenendoah parkway that is part of a lodge there, and the key opened the door to the most beautiful cabin I had ever seen. There was a fireplace in front of the bed, huge windows, a deck and a beautiful hot tub in the bathroom. When my husband got the fire going (this was around Valentines, rather cold up there) it was a beautiful scene.
Elegant, tasteful and highly romantic.
Best Wishes!
It has been about a year that my ex and I have been working on our relationship. I cheated and realized that it was a mistake and we have been trying to fix it ever since. We are divorced. It was what he wanted, I gave into it cause I had no room to protest. He doesn't trust me, he tells me that he wants it to get back together, but he has a trust issue and doesn't believe a word I say. I have tried everything I can think or to get him to talk to me about. He likes the time we spend together, but he says it is a friendship thing. He doesn't have the feelings of love yet. Yet I get confused because he always wants to see me, wants to hear from me at work and when I am on my way home (we don't live together), but he only looks at us now as friends. We still are intamate with each other. Friends don't do that though. I have asked how I can earn back his trust and he tells me at one time he will see it forhimself and there are times he says he may never getit back. I just don't know what to do. I want this to work and I ty so hard, just whaen it goes ok I ask how he feels and he gets mad....what can i do to help him open up? To trust me and believe my feelings are true?
Willing to help,
Mickey
I can only imagine what you are going through. You regret what you did, that is clear. Now, you need to show him. He will only believe you if you can back up what you are telling him. Call him and tell him that you want to talk, asking him to come over to your house (even if you have done this before, you should do it again). Apologize earnestly to him about what you did and the resulting divorce. Tell him that you want him to give you a second try but you know that he will have to decide that on his own. Explain to him that you see now that your cheating was the worst thing that you could have done to him and to your marriage and for that you are sorry. Tell him that you know that you want another chance even though he might not think that you deserve one and that you are willing to wait for it. Let him know that you are not going to push him about this anymore, that the ball is in his court completely. If you keep bringing this up to him it might serve to further alienate him, making it that much harder for you two to work things out. You need to let him think. Do not date anyone else or let him think that you are dating anyone else for as long as you two are trying to work this out. Let him know, through action and deed that he is the only man in your life and the only man that you want in your life. Take him out to dinner, make him his favorite dishes when he comes over to your house for dinner. Be romantic, but to a point for anything over a normal level of intimacy will seem smothering. Be interested in how his day went when you speak, offer to take care of him when he is sick. In other words, remind him, in action and deed, of the wife that you were before the cheating incident, and the kind of wife you will be again if you two get back together.
Time is going to be your best friend and enemy here. Time will lessen the pain for him and allow him to see you as a whole person, not just as an incident that brought him pain. You must wait on that if you want this to work. You will feel frustrated, as though he is dragging his feet and you are doing everything that you can. Perhaps he is dragging his feet but really that is his right. He is taking a huge gamble on you by still talking to you because it keeps the memories fresh in his mind and leaves him open to more pain. It seems that he might be trying to inflict some pain back on you as well, to make you feel some of what he felt by your actions. This is good for him to do to a point. Make sure that it does not continue much longer or get worse because you do not want this to be the basis of your marriage. You are sorry for what you did. You do need to show him and make it up to him as best as you can. You do not need to pay for it for the rest of your life though. If he loves you, he will forgive you in time. That forgiveness should be complete and total, meaning that he should not bring it up in arguments or to get you to do something that he wants you to do. You two should be able to move on and leave it in the past. If he is unable to do that, then he might be unable to forgive and forget which means that a marriage between you two will never work again. Hope and believe, until proven otherwise by his actions, that he will forgive you and forget the past. Love him and show him how much that you love him by actions not just words. I really do hope that you can patch this up. Please contact me anytime if I can be of help to you. Keep your head up. Remember, one way or another this too shall pass. Take care of yourself dear.
P.S. You are the best judge on the times of intimacy that you said the two of you share but I would be careful if I were you. Make sure that he is not just using you as a physical release because, as I am sure you know, sex means much more than that to a woman and you deserve more than that. Find out where he is coming from with this (as you said friends do not sleep together) as soon as you can so that you can protect your heart.
Hi Makalah Lea,
22F
I've read your column and think you appear to be a steady Christian. You are also married. Which qualifies you as a good person to ask the following qn!
I have just started going out with a guy from my church. He is a Christian, we met at Bible study, and he pursued me for 6 months before I was ready to go out with him. He fulfills my criteria and my family have met and like him. We obviously want to wait until we get married, and I'm just wondering if you have guidelines re making this work?
So far, we've talked about how far we want to go ( ie: no tongue kissing, not lying down together etc) and both agreed we want to be accountable. We have an older couple from church mentoring us (ie: I meet with the wife, and my boy with the husband, once a week for coffee and a chat) and we are thinking of doing devotions together 3 times a week. We have only been going out 6 weeks, I don't want to rush things, but it's hard to slow it down, it seems right, he's 27 (and 18 months out of a 3 yr relationship.
I'd appreciate some hints :)
If this answer looks jumbled, please go to my column to read. It is a very long answer. Let me first apologize for my taking so long to respond. Tonight my husband, best friend and I were with a group from our church, spending time in fellowship with one another. My closest friend is a single Christian and I have helped her face this question before while dating so I will give you the same advice that I gave her and hope that it works for you like it worked for her. As Christians we know that sex before marriage is a sin. Now, the question lies within that statement....what constitutes as sex? For me I would think that anything beyong kissing and holding one another would be of a sexual nature that crosses into the gray area of definition. So, if I were you (as I told my friend and am now telling you) I would draw a line on just how far I would go with the intimacy, let my sigot (significant other) know what that line is and do my best to see that it isnt breached. The line that I would draw is nothing beyond simple kissing (no french) and holding.
We are taught to stay pure until marriage for many reasons in addition to the fact that it is holy in the eyes of the Lord. That pureness is something special that you will share with your husband only and that he will share with you. There will be no mental comparisons of who is better at intimacy because you will have known no other. Your relationship with your lifemate will be that much stronger when you both share the knowlege that you saved yourselves for eachother, for that promise of true love given by God which you trusted in enough to wait. God wants your marriage to start on strong ground and this is a very important building block.
I am very glad that both you and your boyfriend are strong Christians and have a wonderful church that you are rooted in. I think that the mentorship that you two are a part of is a wonderful idea and will help you two stay to the values that you have. Trusting completely in God and His will in your life will also help you stay true to these values. Pray that God will work His will and way in your life. Pray that if it is His will that you two be together, that He will bless you two to stay strong in your faith, values and love for one another as well as eachothers standing in the Kingdom. Pray that He will lay a guiding hand on your relationship, blessing you two to make the right decisions and to lead as pure of a life as He would direct you to lead. As I am sure you already know, the power of prayer is mighty because God is mighty and He is always there. I have seen many miracles lately in our church and I know that God will step in and move mountains with or for you if you ask Him to do so, believe that He will do it and stand on that faith. Remember this verse -Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
I would also suggest that you two do things with other couples in your church or with other Christian friends as often as possible. Being around others keeps you honest and helps you put things into the proper perspective. Also, this is a good idea until the relationship grows a bit and you both know where eachother stands in faith and in love. In other words, with other people around you do not have to worry as much about crossing that line. You will not do it. This will help you two learn the acceptable behavior as a couple which will see you through the rest of your relationship until you become man and wife (if that is what God wants for your life).
Doing devotions together is a wonderful idea but as I said above I would try to include other people as much as possible for a little while. When you two are more comfortable with eachother and the relationship, you might think on spending more time alone. I am sure that you two are both responsible adults so please do not misunderstand my meaning. I am just of the opinion that the easier things start, the easier they turn out.
So, in summation (I apologize for being so long winded)I would do the following things:
1. Pray and talk to God about this relationship.
2. Have the talk with your boyfriend and both of you agree on what you two think is the acceptable level of intimacy (again for me I think nothing beyond kissing or holding eachother). Go on and get it out of the way (though as you said earlier you two have already discussed this).
3. Start doing things with other couples. Perhaps you could start a inner Bible study group with other young couples in your church. One that would meet on a different night than the Bible study at your church, that is convenient for everyone and if not held at the church could be held at someones home, rotating hosting duties.
4. Let God and time decide how things go. If God has blessed your relationship and means for you two to be together, you will be. Continue to pray but also sit back and enjoy being young and falling in love. Stay within your boundaries and you will feel free to enjoy it.
God sent me a wonderful husband to bless my life and so far we have had over 2 perfect years together. I pray that God will richly bless your life and this relationship. Please contact me anytime sis. I am always here. God Bless You richly and Best Wishes!
Hello, I'm a 17 year old girl who has a problem, guys. I don't have any self-esteem issues so i agree I'm good looking (many guys think so also), I do really well in school (one of the top ranks), and I am devoting most of my school week time to studying, keeping my grades up and preparing for the SAT. However, on weekends I go out, party , socialize, have fun and forget about school work. So i would have to say my life is kind of balanced although I have a lot of school work. This is just some background information. Now, my problems are guys. I have no trouble getting guys interested/attracted to me without even trying. Most of the boys my age, and those a bit older (i tend to get along better with guys who are 2-3 years older) are interested, maybe cause of my looks, I don't know. Something always goes wrong though. I am the type of girl who likes the chase, who likes guys that are harder to get and have something different about them. I don't like to be an ordinary person. I never have serious relationships, and I am kind of glad because I dont want it to interferre with my school work, but it would be nice to date once in a while. I am not gullible or easily deceived, therefore "sweet talks" or any false attempts don't really work with me cause i can see right through it. However, the two past guys i've been interested in HAVE turned out pretty deceiving. First guy I deeply connected, date went well, but in a few days he decided to "ignore" me at one of our get-togethers/parties and kiss somebody else. Of course I would never put up with that, so the very next day when he tried talking to me I told him off. Second guy had been interested in meeting me for quite a while, and after the "1st guy altercation" we met kind of a double date sort of thing. Everything went well and it was extremely fun, until I found out he's been in a VERY serious relationship with someone for quite a while (but they cheat on each other quite often??? i don't get that). I was glad I was able to stop both cases before getting hurt. What really bothers me is the fact that I couldn't realize the way these guys were (i can usually read everyone) and I still can't clearly see it. It really bothers me I was gullible like that, and that I go for these kinds of guys!! What do u think about this? Sorry its extremely long.!
That was one of my problems. I thought myself to be a discerning person and never doubted my instinct when it came to guys to date/love. However, I found myself in 2 really bad relationships right in a row. I can blame the second one on the "rebound" theory but really it was my own fault. I was 21, they were both 28. I fell hard for the first one and unfortunately slept with him, giving him my most precious gift as a woman. Shortly after that he decided that he wanted to start dating other people but to keep me on a leash of sorts, letting me be his fallback girlfriend. As much as I wanted to resist him I couldnt due to my feelings for him that were still as strong after the breakup as they were when we were together. I met and started dating number 2 several months later and things went from bad to worse. Both of these guys were in the process of getting a divorce, number 2 leaving me to go back to his wife (I also didnt know while we were dating that his wife was pregnant - big shock for me). The whole point of me sharing this sob story is that we are all guilty at one time or another of falling for the wrong guy because we look at them with our heart (desires) and not our mind. If you stop to think about it, deep down you probably knew better just as I did but neither of us listened to that little voice. This doesnt make you a bad judge of character, it just makes you human. The thing that really worked for me (I am now married to a wonderful Christian man and am now a Christian myself, in my eyes our marriage is perfect)is to be friends with the guys that you are interested in first. I know that may sound trite but it really does work. If you are friends first you know their bad habits, their past, their likes and dislikes, their family.....just everything that you should know about a guy before dating him. You can see what he is like all of the time (instead of the masks that people wear when a relationship is new) before you date and possibly ward off a horrible breakup in the future because if you cannot be friends with him you cannot date him. If he does anything that would really get on your nerves but you still like him as a person, keep the friendship and avoid dating. I say that because that one little thing that is completely annoying can turn into the reason for the split later on. Picking guys up at parties, in bars or the like rarely ever works out because your first attraction is physical and usually, there is very little else to go on. Be picky about who you go out with. Set standards and do not budge from them (this would of course exclude a standard of only dating multi-millionaires). Instead of acting on your first impression, wait and let him show you what he really stands for. First impressions are often wrong (again the desires concept). Also, dont expect yourself to be right all of the time. You are human and allowed to be wrong occasionally. I hope that this very long winded answer did answer your question. Contact me anytime. Best Wishes!
P. S. All women are attracted to bad boys. I dont know why though if I did I could make major mulah. Keep that information tucked inside of your mind and hold it up against the next guy that you are attracted to. Ask yourself, what is my attraction based on?
okay theres this reallllly hott guy that i ride with to school EVERYDAY!!! hes gonna be 19 in April and im gonna 16 in September! yesterday we kept talking the whole way to school. today too. well i used to like him earlier in the year.. and now i fell back in love with him. he said he likes me but right now im a lil too young. but all day i had a great feeling something good was gonna happen! but nothing yet. and we kept telling eachother things that we did with other guys (me) and girls (him). he did a few things but i didnt do anything. he asked me y and i told him i wasnt ready. But then i was talkin to my oler sister last night.. and she told me that i should tell him i want to have sex with him. idk if i should or not. I mean.. he said he wants a girl who would "put out" a little every now and then. I would.
I no we're gonna be spending a lot of time together because today and yesterday he asked me since i like working on cars and shit like that if id like to help him build his racer.. that way we can bond and "get to no eachother" more. i told him i would. Like we seriously talk all the time. Plus hes my neighbor. -n- he comes over all the time. Also he said he wants a girl like me who knows mostly everything about him. Plus like i said before. One that puts out a little! He knows i would. I like him ALOT!!!! id do anything for him. But should i talk to him about it? and like the way he feels. and tell him the way i feel about him?
please help me...!!!!
Signed:
Happy yet confused!!!
I really think that if he believes you too young to have a relationship with, your having sex with him will not change that. Unless you want him to sleep with you then not commit to a relationship, I would avoid anything sexual with this guy. You should have a real, founded relationship, love and a future together before sex comes into the picture (remember babies, STDs, broken hearts). You deserve more than to possibly end up a single 16 year old mother, bemoaning your fate because some jerk used you and left you. Tell him how you feel and let it sit for a while. You need to let him make the decision about a relationship on his own (without the promise of sex) so that you know that it is something that he WANTS and not something that interests him (like sex). Get to know him better and let him get to know you better. Share things with eachother, do things with eachother. I know that you said that you two already know a great deal about eachother but knowing more wont hurt. All great relationships start out as friendship. So, tell him how you feel and leave it at that. Let him decide where he wants this to go. If you two were meant to be together it will work out. Keep your head up. Best Wishes! P.S. A real man will never pressure you for sex or for anything that you dont want to give (this is in reference to life not this one particular guy) so keep that in mind. You deserve to be loved, respected and cherished.
well im going out with this guy my 2 friends dont like....but i really like him and they want me 2 dump him but i really dont want to....but i dont wanna lose muh friends but i dont wanna lose muh boy....what should i do
You cannot let your friends dictate how you live your life. If this guy treats you right, respects and loves you and you two are happy together stay with him. Ask your friends why they dont like him. Be open to listening to their opinions about him. Perhaps you can change their opinion of him by telling them all of the wonderful aspects of your relationship. Perhaps not. The biggest point of this is, if your friends love and respect YOU, they will not try to ruin a perfectly good relationship that you have because of their own opinions/desires. There is a chance that they are unhappy with him because your being with him means that they get less of you so try to spend quality time with them whenever possible. Let them know that they are still important in your life by showing them instead of just telling them. Be honest with them and Im sure that everything will work out for the best. Best Wishes!
hey..ok so here's the problem..i've liked this guy Chris for like Ever. he was going out w/ my friend for about two months and i had liked him the whole time. they broke up awhile ago, and i just found out he likes me. and one of my friends was talking to him and he said he'd ask me out. and i dont know if i wanna go out w/ him..i mean i've liked him for so long and i still Really like him..but we have this Fun Flirty friendship that i deff. don't wanna lose. and i'm scared that if we go out, and break up that we'll be all akward and not even talk to eachother..but i've liked him for so long and i dont think i could turn him down! ahhhh Help pleaseee! I Rate!! xOxO
First of all I would talk to your friend that went out with this guy, explain the feelings that both of you seem to have for eachother and that you are considering dating him. Do this to prevent a problem down the road if you two do date. Then sit down with this guy and honestly tell him that you like him and have for a while but that you are hesitant about dating because of the friendship that you two share. Listen to his thoughts on this as well. He might have the same fears. Tell him that you will give the relationship a try only if you two can make a pact to maintain the friendship no matter what happens (I cant promise that this pact will work but it is worth a try). I really think that you can have a wonderful relationship with him but time really is the best judge.
In a nutshell, I think that you should give him a try. All good relationships start out as friendships. Follow your heart on this one. Best Wishes!
OK, I said yes to this guy when he asked me out. Now, I don't want to go out with him.. so I'm going to, well not exactly dump him cuz we didn't go out by tell him I don't want to go out with him. I still want to be really really good friends with him. How do I say that I don't want to go out with him?
Give him a call and ask him to meet you at a local eatery or mall so that you can talk (always do this in person, over the phone is just too cold) in an open place. Tell him the truth, that you made a hasty decision when he asked you out and after consideration you feel that you guys are just really good friends and to make it into anything more than that will complicate the friendship and possibly ruin the good thing that you two have going. Give it to him straight and he will respect the decision and you much more. Best Wishes!
i have a friend who has liked this guy for 4 months...she obsesses over him...he is friends with my group of friends and recently i have started talking to him...he is really nice and really hott...i dont want to admit it, but i like him...he told all his friends that he thinks im hot and that he wants to go out with me...i feel bad because this is making my friend pretty mad...i want to go out with him really bad, but i dont want my friend to end up getting hurt... what should i do...
This is a tricky situation. I would suggest talking to your friend about it. Tell her how you feel about him and how he feels about you. Tell her that you are attracted to him but you do not want to hurt her. If you value her friendship you will let her make the call. If she doesnt want you two together because of her feelings for him, respect her wishes and explain to the guy why you cannot go out with him. If she does give her blessing you can try going out with him but be careful that you do not flaunt the relationship in front of her. While she might be alright with the two of you dating, to see you two together, being loving and to hear about the relationship would make her uncomfortable. Above all, respect her feelings on this, however she wants it to work out. Best Wishes!
f/13
what are some good ways to get a guy to like you? i need some real good ways. what do guys like about the girls they like. How can i get guys to like me? i rate really high! PLEASE HELP!
The most important tip that I can give you is simply be yourself. Share your interests and be interested in getting to know him. Be open if his opinions are different than yours. Share secrets and listen to his. All good relationships start with a friendship. Let the guy know that you can be his friend as well as his girlfriend. Best wishes!
I just dont know I am 13/f and all my friends had had there first kiss. bUt I havent how old where yall out there and I think I mess up when I kiss the guy when its my first I mean I kiss my friends on the ckeck and all the guys to but thats just as friends I just dont know plz help
I was 14 when I had my first kiss and it was so unromantic that I wished for a long time that it had never happened. See, I rushed it. Let the right moment happen with the right guy. When the moment is right, the mood is right and the attraction is right you will know. If unrushed and relaxed, it will be perfect. Best wishes!
i have been dating this guy for 5 months. when he's not around, i miss him to death.. but when he's around, he drives me nuts. it seems like he wants me to do stuff with him .. and i do. when we're done doing whatever, he just leaves! i don't know what to say to him! will someone please help me.
It sounds like you have a relationship with this guy that is based on attraction and very little else. Im sure that you are crazy about him but it doesnt sound like he returns that affection. You have to be willing to do things in a relationship that do not interest you (for most women this could be fishing with their love) so that you can spend time with the one that you love and so that they feel as though their wants and needs are important to you as well. If he is not willing to give that back to you I think it is time to move on. Also, you should not ever be in a relationship with someone who has a temper that you describe as "I dont want to get him angry at me because when he is mad he does crazy things". You need someone who loves and respects you.
Love yourself and move on.
ok, on dec 22 this guy whom i liked gave me a ring. after skool that day, we started going out. we go places after skool and talk on the phone all the time and we're going to the mall tomorrow (tuesday)...but i still feel kinda distant from him...like on the phone there's long silences.how can i make it so that i don't feel like that without telling him i feel like that?*kinda confuszing but plz help!*
I have been in that situation many times myself and I know that it can be frustrating. Since you do like this guy I would suggest asking him questions about himself and the things that he likes to do. That is not to say that you should make him feel as though he stepped into a 20 questions session. Just ask him about what he thinks about stuff that you know that you share in common or why he is interested in the things that you two do not have in common. Be open and receptive to him. Listen.
He could be shy around you because the relationship is still rather new or he could be nervous because he is a shy guy. It is my experience though that if you make a person feel comfortable enough to share with you who they really are, they will lighten up and enjoy your company much more. Good luck!