|
Me and my fiance have been together for going on 3 and half years, that was until Wednesday. We have now split, because I ask him to show me that he loves me more often, because I ask this he blames me for "cussing" at him to much. I know that it is hard for him sometimes to show me this but it is something that I feel that I need, even though I am pretty sure that he does love me. i have never cheated on him or anything to hurt him, he means more than life to me, and will give it all that I have to make sure that he is happy. This is not the first time that we have seperated, and after a few days and does eventually return but this time, my heart is not so sure. Can you tell me what you think will happen to my bf and I. Will you also give me advice on what to do to make sure that this never happens again??
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I am not a prognosticator, but here is what I think. If he is not willing to even just say he loves you a little more often, I would be a little concerned. I would try to get at the bottom of why he thinks you are cussing him.
If you sort that out, both of you will probably feel better.
Sometimes you need to spell out exactly what you want word for word for a guy. Instead of, "I would like it if you showed me that you loved me more often." You may should say "Could I have a hug? Could we go off somewhere and camp? Could you bring some flowers, even if they are from Wal-mart(I don't mind arranging my own)?" Just be specific.
Hopefully you haven't been a fiance for 3 years. That's pretty stressful without a marriage. It could be why you are feeling so strained. They say not longer than a year (which we are breaking that because we are saving money, but I tell you its hard already).
The best thing to do with this right now is to ask him if he would be willing to go to premarital or couples counseling. This could also be done by a member of the clergy. Disagreements are going to happen. You two need to work together to solve them not split apart each time. So unless you both start working with each other and not against, you won't have much of a relationship. There needs to be some frank talk with egos left at the door. You cannot control what the other person does; you can only control what your actions and reactions are. That all being said, I hope this helps and feel free to leave me another question.
]
Tell him how you feel about him and let him know so that he has no doubts. Try and work things out, because it seems that it's one of those relationships with a few kinks in the chain but it'll work out in the end. Talk to him about it, don't throw away something so valuable. And as to not doing it again, just try and compromise with eachother and get along as best as you can and things will work out.
]
i have no idea why your asking me this, but..
I think he will probably come back. just because, he obviously loves you if he wanted to marry you at sometime or another. love doesnt just die instantly like that. i think what you should do to make sure it never happens again is to just show him that u love him, and he'll probably return the favor.
]
If I dont help much Im sorry because I never been in a situation like that. Tell him you hate fighting with him. I think that you still love him but Im not so sure. I think that you and your boyfriends should try to get back together because you guys have been together for a looong time and I know you both love each other so try to make it work. You know he loves you and sometimes not all guys really know how to show it. But he does love you. Sry if I didnt help much! x0
]
I am going to try to answer this question using my own personal history and just hope that this will be the answer that you are looking for. This split sounds like it is coming from a lack of communication between you and your fiance. He doesnt communicate his feelings for you to you because he is either unable or unwilling to. You are unable to explain to him how important it is for him to be demonstrative in a way that he will understand. For any kind of a relationship to work there has to be open communication and trust. The open communication creates that trust which is the foundation upon which you should base your relationship. Having said that, Im not sure how you will be able to go about creating that kind of foundation. You said that this is not the first time that you two have seperated which leads me to believe that there are greater issues there that go beyond a lack of affection. Perhaps there is something else that you two lack, that spark of chemistry that is nessessary for a relationship to work out its own problems. Perhaps you lack nothing other than full honesty. Lets evaluate that.
Do you feel as though he is supportive of you? Do you share your problems and feelings with him about things inside of your relationship and outside of it? Do you both include eachother completely in eachothers lives? Do you share either common interests or enough sensitivity to one another to share in activities that you might not nessessarily like? If you answer no to any of those questions these are the areas that are leading to the affection problems that you two are having. If you answered yes to all of them, that means that you really have something that you can build on here. Lets go on to the next few.
Do you ever feel neglected, unwanted or disrespected? Do you two ever intentionally hurt one another? Are there any questions about fidelity between you two? If you answer yes to any of those questions, abandon this relationship immediately. It is not healthy and will never be healthy because there is no respect.
I think that as long as the negative stuff from above doesnt apply to this relationship, you have a really good chance of working through this and preventing contention in the future. First thing that you should do is sit down now that you are taking a break and really ask yourself if this is the man that you want to spend the rest of your life with. Can you imagine your life without him? If so, is it a happy one? Do you really love him? Do you want to make this work? Answer those questions before you do anything else. If you do not think that you love him enough to try to make this work, because it might be tough going for a while, you need to walk away. Stay good friends because of your history but walk away from the relationship aspect. For good.
If you do want to make it work, I have one basic suggestion for you. Though you might have tried it before I really think that sitting down with him to have a serious talk is the next step. Allow him to voice his opinions and get him to allow you to voice yours. Share wtih him how the lack of affection makes you feel, what kind of a relationship you want this to be. Listen to him as well, that is very important. Show him the affection that you are seeking and maybe, after time that will make it easier for him to show you the same. It is different for most men because society gears each sex differently. Women are supposed to be soft powder puffs who weep at the sight of kittens and men are supposed to be tough brawny creatures that chop wood for fun. As funny as that might sound, in our society that is basically it in a nutshell. It doesnt have to be that way though. Start with talking, show him through your actions, trust him and love him until he gives you a reason not to. Be supportive of him. After a passage of time, re-evaluate this situation. If it has not gotten any better, chances are that it is not going to. If this is something that you need for you to stay in this relationship, consider leaving it. If things are starting to get better and he shows genuine signs of trying, give it more time. Above all, let him know that you love him but need this and do NOT settle. Realize that your wants and needs in this relationship are just as important as his are and do not give in. Compromise is a good thing, a just thing, but when it involves your self image/esteem it is not. You deserve to be happy. If it is with him, great. If it is not with him, you WILL find someone else.
Think about what you really want. If it is him, seriously talk to him about all of this (after the sufficient cooling off period has passed of course) and give it some time. Keep your needs in front of your mind but dont forget his. See how things change. If they change for the better, wonderful. If they do not, consider walking away. Open, honest communication is the only way to save any relationship and is the only way to prevent these kind of problems from happening again. Do not be afraid or wary of speaking up for yourself and demanding respect and love.
Im sorry that I got so long winded, but that is what it seems that I do lol. I hope that I have answered your question and given you some good things to think about. Please contact me again if I have been unclear about something or if you need any other help. I am always here. Take care of yourself, respect yourself. I hope that this all works out for the best, for you and for him. Best Wishes!
]
More Questions:<<< Previous Question
| Next Question >>>
|
|