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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
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Hello guys, a not so close friend says come on, we're bantering and smiles? What does he mean by this? Sounds like he's flirting but I could be wrong. Thanks!
I am a person who loves to tease and my speech is often filled with playful humorous teasing. So I had to ask myself what is different then when I am flirting because bantering can come off as flirting.
So I would have to say that flirting is more of a part of the wooing process when two people first meet and both are romantically attracted to the other and flirting is used as a way to let the other know how you are feeling about them. Eventually you become a couple and become used to each other and get to know lots about the other person, their sense of humor and how well they will tolerate teasing. Close friends who know each other well will know exactly what kind of things to say that will tickle the others funny bone or get a rise out of them in some way. Some people may use a sarcastic tone and personal jabs that sound maybe as if they are trying to upset the other but thats hardly ever true. Although those with social anxiety as I had as a kid and teen may see bantering as trying to pick on and pester a person in a more mean way. And thats how I used to see things. Now, when someone tries bantering, I dish it back just as good and usually am laughing having fun.
If I banter with my husband, someone may think at times we are flirting, but I don't need to get his attention as I did at the beginning when we met. If someone thinks its flirting now, its more really promising tease, a sexual one using innuendo's that spice up the relationship and make us chuckle as if over private jokes.
We known each other for about a year now. We met on social media, we've facetime a few times including live chats with other viewers last year. We mainly stay in touch by text. (We both have each others phone numbers and home address). She texts me more compare to me that rarely texts. We both include each other in our lives, caring about each others well being and being there for each other no matter what happens. I just got out of a bad toxic relationship and she also recently got out of a abusive relationship. She knows I have strong feelings for her but she isn't looking for a serious relationship at the moment, neither am I (I need to let go of the past). She said she sees me as a friend, right now. She also added "I think its best to meet up to get to know each other offline. If we both wanted to become more than friends in the future it'll be a option open." She wants I want to expect the unexpected. I want to be friends right now maybe we can be more in future but as of now I need to focus on myself and move on from my past break up.
Since you've only known each other for a year, I tend to lean toward there being no unresolved feelings. If there is anything unresolved, it is more likely it comes from her or both her and your previous relationships if they were indeed toxic. I will say this, I came out of a 30 yr marriage that was toxic. Finally got the guts to leave. What I discovered from a friend who was an retired counselor is their seeing lots of things I was doing that people in toxic relationships do, mainly to survive without going crazy. Only these coping mechanisms are not healthy for any other relationships, friends, family or more than friends. So the friend worked with me pointing out each time I was lapsing into the familiar which was no longer needed and could possibly affect any new relationships. So I got counseling and I would highly suggest that both of you get some counseling to learn to undo whatever support measures you used to get through before but are not healthy for a new relationship. Until the untreated and or unresolved issues of both your pasts are dealt with, I am not sure you can trust that things will go as well as possible with your friendship. When I was fresh out of my toxic relationship and started dating, I remember that very often the new boyfriends had to keep reminding me that they were nothing like my ex and I didn't have to explain my every thought and move and other coping mechanisms I used without knowing. This was before the treatment in counseling i got. As far as this gal friend, you both mentioned wishing to be just friends for now. So I believe that is best to stay at that level and not hope for anything more until both of you have dealt with your own pasts.
Hi, I noticed a tonsil stone a while back so ever since then, I've been checking for them. I found a really deep hole in the back of my tonsil - but also quite small. I've managed to get most of it out but it's like it starts off as a fairly small hole and tapers outwards so I can't get all of it out.
Is there anyway I can get these out myself or should I seek help from my dentist?
I looked it up on the web and found that Drs often don't know anything about this and what to do. Most info pointed toward removing them by yourself. There are probably lots of ways to do so. I liked wiki how. Here is the link to it. Hopefully it works but if not, do call your Dr. and ask if their office removes tonsil stones.
http://www.wikihow.com/Remove-Tonsil-Stones-(Tonsilloliths)
Can one disvirgin by fingering herself
That is a good question. Thanks for asking. Heres the truth first of how the concept of Virgin came about. Long ago before modern contraception or paternity tests, men wanted to be sure that any female they married was not already pregnant from a lover, not wanting a child who wasn't his blood to have as an heir someday. So men came up with the concept and sold it to women, that they must not have sex before marriage, that they must remain virgin. The word virgin fit because it actually means untouched as in a virgin forest being a forest where no humans have ever set foot before. So a virgin was a female who had never been with a man. It has nothing to do with a females hymen but men still feared being tricked and so they said a woman had to bleed from the first time he entered her and there had to be proof of drops of blood on the bed sheets. This is an old fashioned concept dear. Virgin now a days only means that a penis has not been in her vagina. But becoming sexual and doing anything sexual is not a one incident or one night thing where a man must enter the female with penis. It is actually a series of things, from learning more about her cycle, her own anatomy, exploring herself, satisfying herself with masturbation, toys, and eventually on finding a love partner, learning slowly step by step all about what the other person likes and responds to. There isn't a one time place of becoming a sex expert from experience and then just doing the exact same thing with others. It won't work as all people are different. I've had enough partners in life to know this is true, you have to learn all over with each new partner what works with them and teach them what to do for you cus if they are relying on what their last girlfriend liked, chances are some of it won't work for you. So communication is important. Think now about same sex couples. If a person knew they were gay and never had heterosexual sex, and if penis in vagina is the only way to lose virginity, then at what point does a gay person lose their virginity. I hope you see I am not pulling your leg here, that you really don't lose anything but gain lots of sexual experience bit by bit.
Some women have more elastic hymens and some don't. Hymens don't really need to tear and bleed. Think about it. Women birth children who leave through the birth canal which is none other than her cervix and vagina. So if a baby can pass through and everything stretch and not rip and bleed, then theres no reason for hymens to tear from a mans penis. He needs to give her orgasms and get her body ready and well lubricated and ready for him and then he needs to enter very slowly, just a fraction of an inch at a time and then stay motionless and wait for the lady to tell him when she has adjusted to the tight feeling and then he moved a tiny bit more and they repeat this process giving her body a chance to slowly adjust bit by bit. The men who just ram themselves in will rip the delicate tissue. and during sex, ones natural lubricant can disappear and the couple need to use a store bought lubricant made for sex. Use of ones fingers or even his fingers can't break a hymen, use of tampons don't tend to break hymens either. Maybe a big dildo or massager might but then the girl has control of it and only she can be rough on herself. A sharp edge or calloused sharp rough skin on her or his fingers can nick and maybe produce a drop or so of blood but heals fine on its own. This can accidently happen throughout your sexual life. So if the term virgin to you mean not having had penis in vagina sex, then you can call your self a virgin. But it is much better to be frank and talk with the guy when both of you are feeling sexual attraction. Have a good talk before you decide on a time to have sex the first time. Talk with include whether use only of condoms or being safer and waiting til she has been on birth control long enough for it to be affective. You don't need the worry of thinking you are pregnant any time your period is late due to stress at school or work or having been recently sick. I hope this gives you more than enough info to feel a bit more educated about sex and virginity. There is much more to learn and anything else you want to know, I'd be glad to help steer you in the right directions. I would suggest you doing the research, getting books at library or bookstore on learning more about the basics, even on ways a woman can get pregnant without the man entering her, as this is how accidental pregnancies occur, info on options for period products besides the basic pad and tampon, how your anatomy works, how a guys does, knowing that women also ejaculate, and learn about orgasms, clitoral, G spot and A spot, the 3 types for females, etc. If you want some help, there are a few videos and such on you tube that I do sent links to. So let me know if you want links for any and on what actual subjects.
Dear Dragonflymagic,
Thank you for your sincere response on my post titled crying from anger. Yes it does sound like we are teens from all of this drama, however I am 25 and my (ex?)boyfriend is 38, we were planning to get married. I do admit I have loved him deeply. I had met his sister and niece and he had mentioned that he told his mother about me, and he was planning to buy a home near my city for us (but could not do so currently, financially). We were serious and felt we were destined, that was the only reason I had put up with his behavior for so long. We did have almost everything in common, and he did have good qualities (no drinking/drugs, no friends who are girls, etc). It was an on-off relationship of 2.5 years almost 3.
During these past few days I wrote him a long e-mail telling him I was ending it, I said I could no longer put up with his degrading actions. I told him it is not healthy if he cannot respect me and without trust the relationship won't work. I wrote to him that he tries to control other people just because he cannot control himself, I told him "I feel that you just wanted to get married only because you were afraid of growing old by yourself". All of this I believe was true. I added "I have never treated anybody as nicely and put up with so many things as I have with you, in return all I got was stress and hate." On a side note, sometimes I did see the love he could be capable of, but he rarely showed it. He did previously mention he had trust issues and has been dealing with psychological issues. I said you've ruined my psychology too in 3 years, but I will recover you won't be able to knock me down. I also did mention "maybe someone did you wrong in the past, but you can't hold everyone accountable and treat everyone bad". I told him everything he made me feel and said "I am now deleting all of my profiles and changing my number, God will be the judge of who has made who cry the most and who did wrong, you will no longer find me". I thought he would be so furious as always and write back a hateful message but instead he was apologizing in his e-mail. He tried to joke and not take it serious and said "please text or call me before I start getting cold again". He called constantly, I then made my voicemail operator say this number is no longer in service. He texted my phone saying "why did you change your voicemail greeting; Don't think I am stupid enough to think you gave up your number". He's found a secret profile with 5 tweets of mine and wrote "I know this is you, please call me". Many "are you still mad?" messages. I've never responded and tried to pretend I do not look at that account's mentions. Today he has written to that profile "I will be calling one last time, then my journey will be started if no response." He does indeed go away when he feels there is no hope. It does hurt me to think he will marry someone else, I thought I ended it all, then why am I still hurting? What should I do, should I delete this one last profile account of mine that he wrote to, then he will definitely delete his as well, and then perhaps start his new journey. It hurts to be in the relationship sometimes due to his behaviors, then again it hurts me also to think he will move on happily ever after. I am not sure what to do. Thank you...
Thank you sooo much for sharing how you responded to him. You did right girl and more power to you
I cannot say whether he is anything like my ex but if so, then trust me when I say that sometimes there are a few individuals incapable of loving another person. Something in them psychologically just doesnt work and they were born that way. This I found out when a ex counsselor friend convinced my husband to go see a psychologist. What came out and what I heard sure explained a lot. For him it was a combo of not being able to love anyone and also always be on the defense because deep down he knew something wasn't right with him but he didn't really want to change, believing he was fine as he was, which wasn't true. The counselor told me some things. heres what was going on. He wanted badly to blend in and not appear to be a person found lacking and not normal so he wanted to marry, go to church and raise kids figuring that would make him seem normal and no one would question his sanity. However what the kids and I saw at home was lots of verbal abuse, mostly aimed at me but sometimes the kids too. A person who fears they may not be normal but dont want to know whats wrong or see a Dr. will always point the finger at someone else and say they are the problem or that they start the troubles. Its a tactic to keep eyes and thoughts of others off of them. As a child, his mom almost died but recovered. He overheard the Dr and got it into his head that his Mom was going to leave him and abandon him and as he grew older, he carried that feeling on to other women. He believed that all girlfriends would leave him. When they didn't, he treated them badly so that they would leave so that he could then complain that what he thought would happen did, all because of his efforts to make it a self fullfilling prophecy.
I know that is pretty whacked out thinking. Your guy may not have the same exact issues, but I am sure there must be something wrong deep down inside. And I am not saying that your guy or my ex were incapable of being sweet at times. Of course there were moments that I loved. The only problem with a man who won't stay consistant in treating his lady nicely is the vicious cycle he pulls the lady into. Its what Dr.s know of and call the honeymoon cycle. All is well but slowly he gets worse and treats the female badly, fights and hurts her in some way, then when he's afraid of losing her, does whatever to make it up, say he is sorry and the honeymoon period begins as she forgives him out of love. I stayed with him 30 yrs before I left and he had not improved but gotten worse. What happens after a certain amount of years is that the bad treatment will eventually kill any romantic love for the person which happened to me. I can say I care about what happens to him as another human being and can love him as one of Gods children and not feel any hate. I realized I was in this situation to learn to care enough about myself to no longer allow myself to be stuck in that situation. And any people I have come across since then, new friends, co workers, anyone who comes into my life and starts treating me badly verbally, I have a talk with them right away and let them know I do not care to be treated that way and most people will back off. Its only in a close relationship where people tend not to and tend to dump on the ones they should be loving. Someone like this will never move on happily ever after. I have been divorced from him now 10 yrs and with new husband who is the total opposite and life with him always good. My ex has boasted of getting a new girlfriend. The longest one was with him about 4 yrs and intended to help pay for the house and redecorate and marry him. But one day he told her that he was not in love with her, the same as it was with me and she left him. Then he made a dating profile. He is handsome and good at initially showing a false persona that is very nice but after a month or two lapses back into his true personality. He boasted many times of a good catch like a lady nurse or the one who was a lawyer and after only a couple dates, those gals figured him out and left. He still has found no one else but is still pretending to be normal by geting involved in clubs or certain groups pretending to be the same as them. Close friends who have been able to observe him in some of these groups shake their heads and tell me he has no clue what he is doing or representing and is just pretending to try to fit in and seem normal, only without a partner now as no woman will have him. So I wouldn't worry about your guy going on to have a great life while you figure you lost your chance to have it with him. Maybe for a while the good times in the honeymoon cycle will help you hang in there but the psychologist agreed it was normal that in the cycle, the bad treatment part grows longer and the honeymoon period shorter until there no longer is a honeymoon period and you are treated badly 24/7. Thats how it was for me. Its not your job to stay with him to help him at least in his mind think of feel his is more normal, that doesn't help him at all. If all the women in his future do the same thing, maybe he will wake up and realize that maybe the problem is with him and seek professional help.
You are stopping this cycle and relationship at a point much sooner than I did so he hasn't totally killed your love for him yet and that is why it hurts to leave him. There is also a soul connection, an energy cord that ties you to him and him to you. I have read about this and during a time of prayer/meditation before leaving my ex, I got a vision from God of the two of us connected at the stomach/solar plexus by a long cord and I was being handed a pair of scissors and told that if I was serious about ending this relationship as God was prompting me to do, then I had to cut that cord. Of course it was done all by picturing it in my imagination. But according to those who teach this stuff, it really works, and it worked for me. I no longer had any doubts or feelings that vacillated between wishing things were better and feeling guilty and feeling like I was being to selfish to leave him. Those feeling disappeared along with the cutting of the cord. I suggest you try that, as weird as it sounds. Repeat if you need to and then let time do any remainder of healing. I hope sharing my story wasn't boring but encouraging for you. I wish you the best dear. I believe that as intelligent as you are and as loving and forgiving, that there will be a wonderful man for you just as there was for me. YOu just need to be extra picky, take control of the situation with any new guy in the future who shows an interest in you. Let him know by the second date what you are looking for in a guy, be specific, as for what you want, spell out what you won't tolerate. List your boundaries. Any guy worth having is not going to be insulted or angry. I did this all. Men find women who do this to seem very self confident and self confidence seems to be an aphrodisiac to men. I read an article about tests done with unsuspecting singles and it supports that as a fact, not just a theory. All the men either recognized and went for the self confident women right away or checked out the model/bombshell types first but quickly bored with shallow drama queens and went for the average pretty self confident women. I also never promised a guy that I was looking for just a social dating partner but someone I could spend the rest of my life with. I promised to be an open book and answer any of their questions right up front and be honest. Asked them to be honest too and if they realized that they didn't meet or want to meet my standards, then they were free to walk away with no hurt feelings. So it was basically more of a dating site with the info there to weed out the wrong guys, and I said I would meet with any ones that seemed promising, just for coffee. If that went well and I didnt scare them off, then we met for a date and another until I saw something that I knew wouldnt work for me. When I read the first letter response from my now husband, I felt something already in reading that, like a hand of energy reached out thru the screen of my computer and grabbed at my heart. It was a bizarre thing I didnt want to put hope in by just chatting by text or phone for ever before meeting. I had to know right away if there was any of that romantic chemistry between us because just a week of calls until our cell phones died already proved we both liked how the other thinks and what we said we believed in and what our hopes and dreams are. YOu can't know if anything a person says is true until you meet them and start to give them a chance to prove who they are by being consistantly of a good character and watch how they treat you. Saying I love you is too easy but let a man prove it to you by how he consistantly treats you. If he flips back and forth, theres a problem. Anything else you ever need to talk about regarding this current situation, just let me know. And know if you have questions in the future as you venture out to meet other guys later, you can always ask for help, my opinion, or pointers like I have tried sharing ahead of time here. Good luck and blessings to you.
Went on a date last week with a guy I met off a dating app. I'm 21, he's 16 years older. We already discussed the age difference and agree that age is relative.
He got out of a long term relationship beginning of 2016. No kids. Never married.
Has his own place, is a professional working in his career.
I have my own place, own car, finished school and work in my career Too. To be clear this is NOT a sugar daddy thing going on.
Before we met Briefed me that he isn't much of a texter. Neither am I. And mentioned his mother is staying with him while her place is renovated.
Couple days before the date we didn't text much just here and there. We met at a restaurant for the date 5 days ago. It was at 6pm lasted about 2 hours. He doesn't stay up too late because he works in the mornings, I don't mind it. Also a recovered alcoholic, hasn't drank in 10 yrs. Date went well, immediate attraction, same sense of style, humor, hobbies, interests. Lots of sarcasm and flirtation. He complimented my appearance and I complimented his as well. I expressed Interest in his job and he invited me to an event there in about 2 weeks, said he would send me the info he was surprised that I was interested in it.
After the date walked me to my car and asked if I kiss on the first date I said "if I like the guy enough" he took that as his cue to kiss me, it was sweet and he said that it was good.
I texted him later that night saying thanks for dinner I had fun. He responded right away that he had fun too and we will do it again soon.
It's been 5 days haven't heard from him. I sent a pic of the tattoo I got covered up the day before yesterday, he said it looked awesome and that was it.
I feel there may not be a second date but that confuses me since he kissed me at the end of the first one and told me "we'd do it again soon."
Is he just playing hard to get? Or this how dating an older man is? I've kept in mind that his mother is staying with him..
Do it again soon is a habitual phrase people use the same as when someone asks how are you and we answer I am fine even if we are not. You may have thought what he said was to be taken literally, soon as in just a couple days or 3 or 4. For him, depending on how busy he is and how many other obligations he has to take care of, soon may not have meant soon as in a particular short amount of days going by, but simply a promise that eventually you will have another date 'for sure'. Unless an arrangement was made at that point checking both your calendars for the next free day to go out, then I wouldn't worry at this stage. This has nothing about playing hard to get. That is not a male trait but a female one. I've never known a man to play hard to get.
Just a note on new dating partners....we all try to put our best foot forward, make a good impression but often that means that any character faults a person has also get hidden behind the face they show you. This contrived personality thing takes a lot of focus and energy so after a while, a person who hasn't been showing you their true self will eventually make mistakes and let their real self show. There really is no 'one time' slip up. What ever eventually comes to the surface, you can bet there is more of that hidden below the surface. What ever he says he is or says of himself, you can determine over time whether he is what he says or if he is someone to avoid, no matter what other things you did like.
All that said, I had one guy show his true self on 3rd date when he had me over for dinner. Another did the same, lied to me that he wasn't a smoker. I am allergic to cigarette smoke and on dating file specifically said no smokers. On second date gave me a ride and the car smelled strongly of stale cigarette and I had to open window and asked, I thought you said you don't smoke. I dont he said, but my son who borrows the car alot does. Then later, but habit, he wasnt thinking and went to pull a cigarette out of his pocket and I ended it there. He got angry at me and called leaving hate messages twice after that.
Another was a man who I figured was married because he said he was single, worked for a big employer in our area and had his own house. we sat and chatted on my porch swing for first meet and he said after discovering how honest and nice i was that I was pretty sharp too so he thought to back out already by saying that we'd see each other again but he was in the middle of renovating his house so it was a big mess and he probably wouldn't see me again for a while or have me at least over to his place which was kind of far away. He said lots of things and how he definitely was interested but I insisted I didn't mind the mess and he could actually have me over for a working visit where I helped him on the weekend working on his place. I told him a past boyfriend had me help him measuring wood, help hold it for cutting and staining it. I can do pretty much anything that is shown to me. When I took away his excuse, I had no idea he was hiding anything. I promised to write him the following day. When I got on to my dating page and looked for him, his account had been deleted. He obviously wasn't on the level and couldn't have me over to his house because he had a wife or girlfriend and was looking to cheat on the side. He had no reason to take it off otherwise.
So just give him time to prove himself. either he will consistantly be the person you expect him to be and not exhibit behavior that is hurtful to you or harmful to a relationship, isn't hiding that he is still an alcoholic or hiding something at home if he never invites you over.
Seeing how a person lives can tell you lots about them too. So even if there wasn't a woman, not even mom at home but he is sloppy, won't pick up, dirty house and doesnt cook anything at all, then you'd see that and know that there is a chance he is looking for a female to be his next live in maid, butler and cook, etc. Not trying to scare you but people can say anything about themselves at first and you have to take them at their word. It's hard to know if anything he said isn't true as there is no way to prove it this early on.
If he is not interested, some men will make excuses and not call ever initiating the call. So if he doesnt call after another week, call to say hi and ask how he's doing and ask if he's still interesting in getting together for another date. If he says yes, then say "Good, then lets pick a date and plan it now as my schedule fills up fast and I want to be sure to have time set aside to see you again.' If he doesnt want to set a date, puts you off somehow or stands you up on the date, then you can point blank ask him to be honest and tell you if he's changed his mind. You don't need an explanation why, just the truth, that yes, he is truly interested or not. Because if not, you are not going to be waiting around for him and just move on. Hope this helps
I'm new to tampons. Started using it from December. This time on the first day i used tampon and when i removed it, it was completly soaked. Then i changed the tampon and when i took it out there was not much flow. So that day i didnt use a tampon afterwards. The second day i used a tampon then also the flow was less. Then that day i didnt use a tampon again. Today is my third day and today also the tampon was not completely filled. So i took it out and again there was barely any flow. I dont know why this is happening. I hope it is normal. I googled and found that sometimes due to tampon the flow stips but then it starts again after a week or so. I dont want my period to come again after a short time. I want to get done with it. Is it normal for this to happen? Is my period coming to an end?
Some flows are heavier and some are lighter and thats with or without use of tampons. I haven't heard about tampons stopping a flow unless they meant to say its damming up a flow that is already going and prevents it from leaving your body. When the lining in the uterus is not needed because there is no fertilized egg attached to it, it will shed. A tampon worn won't stop the bodys natural shedding process. It may be that you were just a bit more anxious or stressed due to it being a first time use and that stress affected the flow.
Other than stress or illness stopping or lightening a flow, the only thing I have ever experienced that will actually stop a period flow once it has started is having sex. I have had partners who do not mind sex during a period and we both get a shower after anyways. But good orgasms have always stopped my period right at the start and when done having sex, the flow would start again within an hour.
Im 19. female. I am having a hard time about my back head sudden pains. Whenever Im laughing hard, or crying hard, talking loudly or I am doing something that requires deep thinking or analysis, I suddenly feel this kind of hot aching feeling on my backhead. I was wondering if I need to consult professionals about this urgently.
Yes, its a good idea to see a professional. Thats certainly not normal and no way to try to live with it. I have seen a chiropractor before and realize that headaches can come from the very top of the spine where it ends at base of the skull and some vertebra being out of alignment will pinch nerves that can cause pain. Doctors can help with that but just in case it's something more serious that's easily treated, best to see a doctor.
So for my school there's an ad for Juniors and Seniors to participants in a paid internship for about 7-8 weeks during the summer then after all the for a week we'd go to an all expenses paid round trip to Washington D.C. I want to go but I'm having doubts It's very hard to talk to people i think it's social anxiety but a doctor has never examined me so I'm not sure. I don't want to be in a place where I don't know anyone and I won't be able to come home if I'm uncomfortable I live in California and that's a huge distance from my comfort zone. Another doubt is the trip is from July 9, 2017 - July 14, 2017. But on the 14th there is a concert I'd told my cousin I'd go to with her and I don't want to break that promise but I don't know when on the 14th I'll be back and the concert is about 3 hours away from home. And one last doubt I have is that this has to be too good to be true. The internship is a paid one I must work 35 hours a week meaning I'd make decent money and the trip is all expenses paid. I think this is some type of scam but I wonder if I'm just scared to go and making things up in my head. I want to know if I should just go to D.C. or if I should stay. I've already looked into it and in order to fulfill the internship requirements you must go on the D.C. trip.
At some point in life, you'll need to get your social anxiety taken care of. I had the same thing back as a kid up into high school. I finally realized that when I was an adult, I would need to be able to talk to people without problems to get along in society like calling customer service if there was a problem on my bill, letting a gas station attendant know there is a problem with the pump you paid for, etc.... You cannot avoid people and live a normal life. Any other issues you may have are easily resolved. Your issue is getting over social anxiety. I prayed and God told me what to do one step at a time. The process moves at a pace you're comfortable with. But if you're daily doing this, you will progress fast. I was done in two months time and definitely felt a changed person and it felt good In case what I share on how to do it, you may question as I got the answers in my mind, I came across a book as an adult more recently. It is titled "When anxiety attacks" by David D.Burns and it it, for social anxiety, I found the exact same recipe for getting over the anxiety.
None of this involves using people you already know because you already have some comfort level there For this exercise, you will have to drop the teaching, “Never talk to strangers”. Just use common sense and talk to people in public places where other people are around and don't go off alone with anyone. So here's your lesson.
1. Smile at strangers every day as you come across them. When you are comfortable with this, move on to step 2 (Even this was hard for me because I felt a smile would encourage others to start talking to me and I was terrified of holding conversation with people)
2. Smile and add saying hello to people you don't know. This is already harder because your mind will be going, "They're gonna think I'm nuts cus I am saying hi and they dont even know me." When you can do this without feeling awkward or shy, move to step 3
3. Smile and say hi to and then pay a compliment to another person you don't know. It could be telling the grocery clerk you love her necklace. Keep paying compliments to people until you can do so without being fearful of their reaction or simply the act of doing it.
4. Smile, say Hi, and start a conversation with a stranger. Here's an example. When I'd be at a clothing rack and another woman was there...no matter her age, I would make a comment to her about the clothing. I'd pull something off the rack and ask what she thinks of it for me.
Keep trying statements with a question to get responses from a person. If they don't open up and start responding and sharing some of their story or thoughts then they are part of the 10 % of people who are hermit like and don't like being around people or talking to them. I took a class that taught about personality types and discovered that 90% of people are very friendly but will not start conversation first. If you can learn to start conversation first, in every situation, you will find that the majority of people respond in a very friendly and supportive way. They won't find the fact that you start talking too weird. Once they figure you're a naturally friendly person you will see them willingly respond back and share bits and pieces of information and such.
I was trying to pick ripe but not over ripe melon one time when an older woman was tapping and listening to the melons. I asked what she was doing and she explained that there is a certain sound it makes so I learned something. Later we bump into each other in another aisle, and I say, "Well Hello again!" Her response, "Hello again. Do you use coupons?" "Sometimes." "Do you buy this product," she shows me something in her cart, "Yes I do." "Well I happen to have a coupon for a great deal on it if you'd like," and without waiting for my response reaches into pocket and hands it to me. You'd be amazed at the conversation you could have with people and be able to share helpful info with them or vice versa. And sometimes in the conversing you may find people who you have some things in common with and you decide to keep in touch with and exchange cell numbers and /or get their name for facebook friending. Once you are comfortable with talking to one person, then its a small matter to talk to groups of people.
This should help you.
I received a reprimand while I was at work on register 52.it was about a cash shortage thart was not brought to my attention until a month after. December the 22nd and I was told about it last week.i was not taken into the office and a csm delivered it.
This was unthoughtful and immature and unfortunately a lot of adults do this, chewing another person out or pointing out a mistake in front of everyone. Where I work, fast food, there are shift managers so there are many mangers over time to deal with. Of all the mangers there when i was in training and needed correcting, only one pulled me somewhere private to update me. The others were all inconsiderate. It then falls upon you to let them know you understand they had to talk to you but it doesn't sit well with you to have it done in front of a full audience because that made YOU feel demeaned and embarrassed. (Caution, just let them know how it makes you feel. Don't use words that reflect back on them like rude, poor manners, etc. because they also won't like being told this. No adult likes correction but sometimes we need it. Too many end up getting angry and shutting down on you so the conflict can't be solved.) And make sure to do so in private and certainly don't mention your talking to management. Any other issues pertaining to this should be brought up to the manager.
Hi guys, we've only known for a 2 weeks and we get on quite well. it's just that he has started to call me by my short form name recently (for example he calls me beccy instead of Rebecca). because we don't know each other for long for him to calling me by short name, that's what I think. I do fancy him a bit. also he says, come on, I thought we're bantering. so help guys? I hope I'm not reading too much. does he mean anything or nothing at all? thank you all!
cheers
If you are wondering if thats a form of flirting to call someone by their nickname, I wouldn't put much hope in it. When introduced, whatever name you give a person in the beginning is usually the name a person goes by. I didn't insist on going by my shortened name until well into adulthood. So I have the people who knw me from previously who still call me that and others including my 2nd husband who knows my full name by calls me by what he was first given.
Since I have not reserved a certain name only for those I know well, I am not sure what the proper thing to do is. If your friends call you Becky, you can't be saying I want to be called Rebecca. Becky is only for close friends. That would sound hurtful to someone who is honestly wanting to be your friend. Is it such a big deal really? You could start a conversation asking him why he started calling you by your shortened name. Once he has told you which is most likely because thats what others have been calling you, it would seem odd that you are not wanting him to call you that if you said something here. But its your call. Just know that making a fuss over this might jeopardy your new friendship if he ends up thinking you are snobby.
My dad has his own youtube channel where he sings. He wants my brother and I to sing on his youtube channel too. My brother doesnt like singing and neither do I. It's not our thing and it's something really far out of our comfort zone. He's been saying that this is important to him and he would rather us sing it than a person he'd pay money to for singing the song. He is saying that we aren't willing to do anything for him when he needs it, but when we need something he'll do it for us. We would do other things for him just not this! Does this mean we're selfish and unreliable?
Is this really your Dad we are talking about? If so, then he comes across as a kid in an adult body.
Kids and teens have these things to learn:
You can't get an idea and expect whomever you choose to be okay with it and willing to pitch in. Life doesn't work that way.
He is trying to use his position of being the Dad or a family member as a reason to attempt to get you to do what he says is important.
Using an example of having to pay someone else is an attempt give you a guilt trip or feeling sorry for him. I assume money is tight and he is thinking this youtube channel will make enough money to supplement the family income. Either that or he is into having this you tube channel for the fame and feeling of being important that it gives him. It strokes his ego. SO when you don't want to help, if he's immature enough, he may see that as you stating that how it makes him feel is not as important.
unreliabe would be if both of you promised him that yes you would do it and back out and then say count me in again and back out again. Thats unreliable which is not part of this situation.
YOu are your own person, and other than family ground rules you must follow, being told you must sing on a video or else, is not right because it is not a rule but a personal want or desire for him and parents can not and should not ever try to force their likes and desires on their children. But there are parents out there doing this every day. I suggest talking to your Mom and having her talk to him. If he is that tight on money, then Mom can work if not currently, or even you if old enough could get a p.t. job.
My friend is super lucky. Her parents make a lot of money, she always gets to buy merchandise for her favorite youtubers and so on. She has a nice, cool, older sister, who has the same tastes as her, and is amazing at art. She gets to go to concerts, and I remember complaining that a musical I ABSOLUTELY love is expensive, but I really want to go, and she's going later this month. She has a dog, a cat, and a hamster. She's super pretty, and has a lot of friends, and all the boys like her. I love her to death, she's my best friend, funny and kind and sarcastic and mean but in a loving way. I need help.
It is true that you did not ask specifically for help with a particular thing. However from what you wrote that she has vs. you not having any of that, you are probably feeling envy which is wanting something that another person has. Sure I'd like the kind of income some celebrities have so I can live a lot more comfortably but I am living out of my van. I use coffee shops to get on here and try to help people who write in.
When a person feels envy and there is no way life will change enough for you to obtain everything she has, the best thing is to focus on what you do have. Watch a disabled or elderly person trying to cross the street. See how slow and unsteady their steps are. And when I see this I silently say, Thank you God that I have two strong legs. When I see a blind or legally blind person, I am thankful that even though I am both near sighted and have some double vision, that I at least still can see. YOu get the picture. If you can be thankful for things like this, the kind of things that money can't buy, you will leaern how to be content with what you have. People who have it so called Easy, with everything they could ever want are in fact often the ones who aren't happy. After a while, with no challenge in life or struggles to go through, they can become bored with life, or strive to get the kind of joy and happiness you have by buying it which isn't possible. Be glad for her and enjoy spending time with her. If she forgets that you and others can't just decide to go to something like a movie or concert and have the money for it, then remind her. Tell her you enjoy spending time with her but since your family is on a tight budget, there is no room for even a one time trip to a concert. So ask her to come up with things that won't cost like when her family or yours go camping, invite the other along. My teens did that alot and had fun. There are things that don't cost money.
Hi, sir how can I get sponsored
We'd need more information like what it is you'd like to get sponsored for.
i can think of one thing were a person promising to run a race gets people to sponsor them more the race to a certain amount of money per mile and then depending on the amount of miles you ran, that goes into the equation and they pay you so the money in turn can be donated to charity.
Thats one example of being sponsered and it basically takes your willpower to carry through on your part and brave enough to ask people.
Since I am probably not anywhere near what you had in mind, you'd have to enlighten us first.
I just got my retainer a few days ago, and it smells horrible, I wash it in water and scrub it, also using retainer cleaning tablets, which helped it a little, but an hour after using it, It smells horrible again. What should I do?
Ask the professional who gave you the retainer. It sounds like it could be a common complaint and they'll have a solution for you.
Female, 15.
Hey, so I am a part of a friend group of 7 people. The thin is for the past few months I have felt like they are the people I used to be, and not the people I want to become. I don't find what they find funny, I don't have much in common with them, etc. I don't feel that I belong with them anymore and I have been really wanting to make new friends next year. So recently classes have come out. I know that my class has someone in my group in it and I had her in my class this year. I know that if I try to make new friends then she'll just follow me. I definitely don't have much in common with her at all, and we have two quite different personalities. Because I sat next to he in class this year, the teachers would compare me to her. they'd say "you sit next to ****, so why don't you do as well?". I would just try to sit with someone else, but I don't know how, because I feel like that would be rude. throughout this year, I was hoping that my class next year would have new people in it. no one from my friend group. What class I'm in is important in making new friends at my school. I want to email whoever is in charge of classes and request to move classes before the school year starts. What would I say in the email? I think that this doesn't seem like a valid enough reason.
You are right that it may not be a valid reason. You didn't say what classes the other 6 are in.
So lets say that for some reason miraculously they allow you to switch to another class. What if two or more of the others were also in that class. I still consider a school to be a public place like a library, a park, a store. When it comes to public places, you usually can't avoid having to have contact with any unwanted people. You are predicting that this gal will tag along. How many predictions in life have you made that came true. Perhaps she might try to tag along. At school its hard to stop her being a public place. However if your new friends don't like her either, then you can spend time at each others houses, without inviting her. If it comes down to having to explain to her, just tell the truth as it scientifically is a fact that people in teen years and college change and grow very quickly from who they used to be to someone different and you no longer feel with the changes you've made that she is a good match for a friend. And you will feel more challenged and fulfilled with new friends. And say that it could as easily have been her to change so much that she no longer had wanted you for a friend and was telling you the same. It's common during these years. Of course put it in your own words.
I've recently got into a fight with my boyfriend again. I am in tears from sadness and anger that he writes so fast with lines by lines full of insults before I can even get a chance to voice my words.
He came out and wrote to me, "I saw you added me as a contact on so and so." Which I did not add him, I just reinstalled that messaging app. I told him "I didn't, I just reinstalled the app and since you have me as a contact it notified you". He claimed "no I don't, look" and showed me a snapshot of just my number, no name. I said "you know what, keep it like that don't add me, obviously there was a mistake, goodbye." He wrote "stop continuing to fight with me and lets make up already". I told him "I didn't forget what insults you last said". He said you also did wrong. He is the one who was supposed to apologize but instead he told me I should apologize for doing the same thing he did (posting a status). The last thing he said to me was "swear to me you won't try to teach me a lesson, or bring any 3rd persons between us (meanwhile I never did, the only thing I did was post something similar to what he did). He said "hurry up and swear don't write me an essay". I was responding with a sentence saying "you should first apologize for what you did then if you can swear you won't do me wrong then I swear too". But before I could write any of this he just wrote "OK that's it" and deleted himself.
I'm angry I couldn't tell him what he deserves to hear, I'm angry he was able to say many hurtful things to me (ex: putting myself on the market(?!), will never change, disrespectful to myself) meanwhile I couldn't even tell him how he made me feel what a jerk he is. I'm angry because I feel like he always has/had the upper hand above me in terms of insulting me like a machine gun. I am in tears from anger, being upset, and feeling weak, all at the same time.
Verbal and physical abuse is very high among teens these days. I may be wrong but some of the stuff you shared about what he has said, if the words are accurate, then it reminds me of my verbally abusive ex. I was married for 30 yrs before I finally left him but had suffered the mistreatment all that time.
Ask your also why you want to have a boyfriend. Are you looking for a make who can become like one of your best friends with romance on the side and the same for him? Or are you just trying to look cool for your peers by being able to say you have a boyfriend, no matter how he treats you. A boyfriend should be a male you get to know as a friend first and the attraction grows from the beginning. If you date someone and they begin to reveal their true colors and its not something you will tolerate anyone doing to you, then you break up with the guy. Decide what kind of guy you really want..details down to "No anger problems, never raises his voice or cusses or yells and always treats you wonderful, complimenting you, being supportive or your interests or talents, follows rules and doesnt skip class, doesn't get drunk, and no drugs, etc....THen when you think you have found a guy who might have those qualities, ask him if he's single or wait for him to be, then date and see what he's like, if really good, stay with him, if he treats you like the current boyfriend, then know you deserve to be liked/loved.
Don't be angry for not being able to tell him what you feel he needs to hear. I tried that even at 20, 21 yrs old with the ex and trying to point out their faults or what they did wrong again won't work and will actually add fuel to their fire of anger. My ex did that. I know that talking to try to set such a person straight doesn't work. I've learned a lot of things dear and decided instead of waiting for a guy to notice me, i would make a list of what I wanted and what I would not tolerate from a guy. No one can mistreat you or try to manipulate or control your life unless you give them that control. So what if the guy won't change and become better. Promising to do better isn't good enough, it takes actual intentions on his part to show you how much he likes you by treating you like a Princess. Thats how love is best shown. If you don't want an arrogant guy but a humble one who can admit when he's been wrong and it hurts him to know he brought tears to your eyes, then you'll have a guy who makes a mistake only once and when you have shard how you have a problem with something, he changes. and then is consistantly good in how he treats you. Your guy doesnt change after making promises. Usually hon, a bad behavior from a person if its accidental not intentional and they are apologetic, is a one time thing and they learn and change for the better. More often, any bad behavior take that bubbled up in his personality, is only the first of that kind of behavior which is ingrained in the person with their not feeling any need to improve and there will be lots more of the same kind of treatment.
Most females stay with an abusive male a long time even when they are miserable, they have been told no contact with friends or family for fear that what they are doing may be told to one of those people. And he darn well doesnt want a third person brought into this because if anyone else could see how he was treating you, they would tell you to leave him or tell him to get lost. In my case, my ex didn't even try to hide how he treated me and did it in front of friends and family to humiliate me.
We do not have the power to change a person who is living an ignorant, and hurtful, angry life. But we always have the power to walk away from someone who won't treat us to the standards we want for ourselves. Have some standards for yourself first dear and tell another person, preferably an adult like school/church counselor, an aunt, your mom and get a support group around you to help you if you feel ready to leave this guy. If you are not ready, then nothing I've written or anyone else can write will help you.
Theres this guy i like hes a year above me. I really like him and we have kissed. I get really awkwwrd and shy around him and cant talk to him. How can i talk to him?
Also right now we arent talking at all like he wont speak to me so how can i just start a convo with him?
If its only him you are shy around and not shy around other people, then you are normal because we tend to worry more about the impression we are going to make, not wanting to come across as boring or stupid to the one we are so interested in. If you have no trouble talking to your friends, then talk to him as you would your friends. Do you talk about your favorite music, singer, band? How did you ever start talking to the girls who are your friends. You probably said Hi and gave your name and asked what theirs was if you didn't know. Then you'd talk about something you have in common whether wearing the same color that day or being in the same history class together. You can make a comment but people really like talking about themselves for the most part, so make sure to ask a question related to the situation in which you find yourself. Maybe there is a dance coming up or you run into him in the mall. If you can't think of anything to start with, at least pay the person a true compliment. Dont make it up saying you like his handwriting if you think it looks ugly. You can pay wonderful personal compliments that let the other person you've been watching them closely, like "I like the sound of your laugh, or I like the way you think (for later when he's talking enough to share things so you can make this assessment or not) If he's very punctual, or reading a book you liked, you could ask if reading the book was his choice and if so then compliment for having good taste in books. YOu could even take a teasing tone and quickly add, ....because I read that book. And smile.
Kissing is just as intimate as sharing things about yourself and opening up in conversation to trust someone with your feelings. Its just another kind of intimate. So if you're already on a kissing basis, I'm sure you'll have no trouble talking to him. Don't wait for him to talk first. Lots of guys are just as shy or afraid of rejection or believe in letting girls make the first move until they know where they stand with you.
The only thing you don't start off early sharing is that you have a crush on him or that you like him or love him. That will scare and shut down a guy like nothing else. He would feel pressured to be at that same level even if he doesnt feel that way yet. Or he may not be attracted to you romantically (which I doubt because of the kiss) remember for future with other guys, just because one person feels something doesnt guarantee the other does as well and it is something that can't be changed being a chemistry thing and pheremone thing.
I have a close friend that is well attracted to beautiful women. He is not that open about his feelings but he keep on throwing lines that makes me feel confused about what he feels about me. He keeps on drawing me in and then pulling me out.I am not that beautiful and he has someone to whom he keep on chatting with. Should I ignore this or not?
I am assuming you are a female then? Unless gay and you're a man. I will answer based on my first impression. Some guys who want to get close to a female will tend to want another females opinion to help understand women and help meeting them if single. If they don't have a sister they feel comfortable talking to or female cousin, they may turn to a female friend, someone to be what's called their 'Wingman"
heres the definition from Urban dictionary: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Wingman
Although they are considering another man the guys wingman, often it is another female, one they like as a best friend but don't feel the chemistry for romance with. A female can give him the best insight with other females.
I am not sure about the lines you are talking about if these are lines he is using to meet other girls or lines he is using on you. Maybe he is trying to find out something. Maybe he'd like to know how you feel about him and whether you'd welcome any advances from him or whether he is afraid to ask you to help him get a girl he wants and it isn't you. Most guys would hate to ask that question outright because of fear of hurting the female friends feelings.
You also state you are not beautiful. Most people don't measure up to the false idea of beauty that we all were raised up seeing in media all our lives. So we gauge a persons appearance in comparison to what is the "IN" style of beauty at this point in history. In the past, it has changed over and over again to be anything from big boned to anorexic looking or small chests with poochy stomachs as the raving beautys of their time.
So you first have to realize that most people will decide on their own at some point in life what they find more attractice. It doesnt mean the other is ugly, just not quite what floats your boat. For instance, I like brunettes with long hair in men. But there are many other men who are equally good looking.
Hello all, he asks a personal questions like, which college do you go to, which church do you go, such as birthday, says I might have seen you somewhere around here etc. So, is this normal for a bloke or is he just a another weirdo? Men point of view please?! Thank u all.
Adviceman is right. However I watched enough video's on the net that portray what a guy is really doing when he is trying to meet a girl. The questions in themselves are normal but perhaps your subconscious picks up on something else that doesn't sit right with you. If a guy is too nervous, he may shift his body too much, like hopping from foot to foot, or lean in too close in your personal space, even just staring without smiling for a long time before getting the courage to talk will give a girl the creeps, asking the questions rapid fire or like conducting an interrogation also feels awkward as well as if the guy is stumbling over his words, stuttering or pretty much coming to a point when they can't think of anything to say and end up saying Um, or well, but nothing else. Yeah, I'm a female but sometimes us females are observant enough, and have plenty of advice on something like the behavior of a guy especially if we've lived long enough, and had plenty of different experiences, plus what is learned by reading books on the subject.