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Crying from anger. What to do?
I've recently got into a fight with my boyfriend again. I am in tears from sadness and anger that he writes so fast with lines by lines full of insults before I can even get a chance to voice my words.
He came out and wrote to me, "I saw you added me as a contact on so and so." Which I did not add him, I just reinstalled that messaging app. I told him "I didn't, I just reinstalled the app and since you have me as a contact it notified you". He claimed "no I don't, look" and showed me a snapshot of just my number, no name. I said "you know what, keep it like that don't add me, obviously there was a mistake, goodbye." He wrote "stop continuing to fight with me and lets make up already". I told him "I didn't forget what insults you last said". He said you also did wrong. He is the one who was supposed to apologize but instead he told me I should apologize for doing the same thing he did (posting a status). The last thing he said to me was "swear to me you won't try to teach me a lesson, or bring any 3rd persons between us (meanwhile I never did, the only thing I did was post something similar to what he did). He said "hurry up and swear don't write me an essay". I was responding with a sentence saying "you should first apologize for what you did then if you can swear you won't do me wrong then I swear too". But before I could write any of this he just wrote "OK that's it" and deleted himself.
I'm angry I couldn't tell him what he deserves to hear, I'm angry he was able to say many hurtful things to me (ex: putting myself on the market(?!), will never change, disrespectful to myself) meanwhile I couldn't even tell him how he made me feel what a jerk he is. I'm angry because I feel like he always has/had the upper hand above me in terms of insulting me like a machine gun. I am in tears from anger, being upset, and feeling weak, all at the same time.
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Verbal and physical abuse is very high among teens these days. I may be wrong but some of the stuff you shared about what he has said, if the words are accurate, then it reminds me of my verbally abusive ex. I was married for 30 yrs before I finally left him but had suffered the mistreatment all that time.
Ask your also why you want to have a boyfriend. Are you looking for a make who can become like one of your best friends with romance on the side and the same for him? Or are you just trying to look cool for your peers by being able to say you have a boyfriend, no matter how he treats you. A boyfriend should be a male you get to know as a friend first and the attraction grows from the beginning. If you date someone and they begin to reveal their true colors and its not something you will tolerate anyone doing to you, then you break up with the guy. Decide what kind of guy you really want..details down to "No anger problems, never raises his voice or cusses or yells and always treats you wonderful, complimenting you, being supportive or your interests or talents, follows rules and doesnt skip class, doesn't get drunk, and no drugs, etc....THen when you think you have found a guy who might have those qualities, ask him if he's single or wait for him to be, then date and see what he's like, if really good, stay with him, if he treats you like the current boyfriend, then know you deserve to be liked/loved.
Don't be angry for not being able to tell him what you feel he needs to hear. I tried that even at 20, 21 yrs old with the ex and trying to point out their faults or what they did wrong again won't work and will actually add fuel to their fire of anger. My ex did that. I know that talking to try to set such a person straight doesn't work. I've learned a lot of things dear and decided instead of waiting for a guy to notice me, i would make a list of what I wanted and what I would not tolerate from a guy. No one can mistreat you or try to manipulate or control your life unless you give them that control. So what if the guy won't change and become better. Promising to do better isn't good enough, it takes actual intentions on his part to show you how much he likes you by treating you like a Princess. Thats how love is best shown. If you don't want an arrogant guy but a humble one who can admit when he's been wrong and it hurts him to know he brought tears to your eyes, then you'll have a guy who makes a mistake only once and when you have shard how you have a problem with something, he changes. and then is consistantly good in how he treats you. Your guy doesnt change after making promises. Usually hon, a bad behavior from a person if its accidental not intentional and they are apologetic, is a one time thing and they learn and change for the better. More often, any bad behavior take that bubbled up in his personality, is only the first of that kind of behavior which is ingrained in the person with their not feeling any need to improve and there will be lots more of the same kind of treatment.
Most females stay with an abusive male a long time even when they are miserable, they have been told no contact with friends or family for fear that what they are doing may be told to one of those people. And he darn well doesnt want a third person brought into this because if anyone else could see how he was treating you, they would tell you to leave him or tell him to get lost. In my case, my ex didn't even try to hide how he treated me and did it in front of friends and family to humiliate me.
We do not have the power to change a person who is living an ignorant, and hurtful, angry life. But we always have the power to walk away from someone who won't treat us to the standards we want for ourselves. Have some standards for yourself first dear and tell another person, preferably an adult like school/church counselor, an aunt, your mom and get a support group around you to help you if you feel ready to leave this guy. If you are not ready, then nothing I've written or anyone else can write will help you.
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