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Is this older man playing hard to get or just not interested?
Went on a date last week with a guy I met off a dating app. I'm 21, he's 16 years older. We already discussed the age difference and agree that age is relative.
He got out of a long term relationship beginning of 2016. No kids. Never married.
Has his own place, is a professional working in his career.
I have my own place, own car, finished school and work in my career Too. To be clear this is NOT a sugar daddy thing going on.
Before we met Briefed me that he isn't much of a texter. Neither am I. And mentioned his mother is staying with him while her place is renovated.
Couple days before the date we didn't text much just here and there. We met at a restaurant for the date 5 days ago. It was at 6pm lasted about 2 hours. He doesn't stay up too late because he works in the mornings, I don't mind it. Also a recovered alcoholic, hasn't drank in 10 yrs. Date went well, immediate attraction, same sense of style, humor, hobbies, interests. Lots of sarcasm and flirtation. He complimented my appearance and I complimented his as well. I expressed Interest in his job and he invited me to an event there in about 2 weeks, said he would send me the info he was surprised that I was interested in it.
After the date walked me to my car and asked if I kiss on the first date I said "if I like the guy enough" he took that as his cue to kiss me, it was sweet and he said that it was good.
I texted him later that night saying thanks for dinner I had fun. He responded right away that he had fun too and we will do it again soon.
It's been 5 days haven't heard from him. I sent a pic of the tattoo I got covered up the day before yesterday, he said it looked awesome and that was it.
I feel there may not be a second date but that confuses me since he kissed me at the end of the first one and told me "we'd do it again soon."
Is he just playing hard to get? Or this how dating an older man is? I've kept in mind that his mother is staying with him..
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As much as I hate to, I'm going to have to take the opposing view of Dragonfly here (although her advice is always great).
I'm only a tad older than you and have done the whole dating older men thing. I can tell you first hand that I've never a guy pursue me who didn't actively follow up with me about the next date within two days (and set a date). It seems to me like he very well might have had a great time on your date, but something came up after that changed his mind or made him put you on the backburner. I typically see this when a guy goes out on a date with more than one girl within a few days and chooses to pursue the next. This is not your fault if that's the case and I want you to know that. I've been on awesome dates with guys before, but realized something about them made them just not quite the right fit for me.
If I were you I would stop waiting on him and pursue the next fellow. I'd even send him a text asking how he's feeling about that next date. Then you'll know for sure. It seems to me like he's moved on and keeping your number "just in case".
You're young and there's a million fish in the sea, honey. :)
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Do it again soon is a habitual phrase people use the same as when someone asks how are you and we answer I am fine even if we are not. You may have thought what he said was to be taken literally, soon as in just a couple days or 3 or 4. For him, depending on how busy he is and how many other obligations he has to take care of, soon may not have meant soon as in a particular short amount of days going by, but simply a promise that eventually you will have another date 'for sure'. Unless an arrangement was made at that point checking both your calendars for the next free day to go out, then I wouldn't worry at this stage. This has nothing about playing hard to get. That is not a male trait but a female one. I've never known a man to play hard to get.
Just a note on new dating partners....we all try to put our best foot forward, make a good impression but often that means that any character faults a person has also get hidden behind the face they show you. This contrived personality thing takes a lot of focus and energy so after a while, a person who hasn't been showing you their true self will eventually make mistakes and let their real self show. There really is no 'one time' slip up. What ever eventually comes to the surface, you can bet there is more of that hidden below the surface. What ever he says he is or says of himself, you can determine over time whether he is what he says or if he is someone to avoid, no matter what other things you did like.
All that said, I had one guy show his true self on 3rd date when he had me over for dinner. Another did the same, lied to me that he wasn't a smoker. I am allergic to cigarette smoke and on dating file specifically said no smokers. On second date gave me a ride and the car smelled strongly of stale cigarette and I had to open window and asked, I thought you said you don't smoke. I dont he said, but my son who borrows the car alot does. Then later, but habit, he wasnt thinking and went to pull a cigarette out of his pocket and I ended it there. He got angry at me and called leaving hate messages twice after that.
Another was a man who I figured was married because he said he was single, worked for a big employer in our area and had his own house. we sat and chatted on my porch swing for first meet and he said after discovering how honest and nice i was that I was pretty sharp too so he thought to back out already by saying that we'd see each other again but he was in the middle of renovating his house so it was a big mess and he probably wouldn't see me again for a while or have me at least over to his place which was kind of far away. He said lots of things and how he definitely was interested but I insisted I didn't mind the mess and he could actually have me over for a working visit where I helped him on the weekend working on his place. I told him a past boyfriend had me help him measuring wood, help hold it for cutting and staining it. I can do pretty much anything that is shown to me. When I took away his excuse, I had no idea he was hiding anything. I promised to write him the following day. When I got on to my dating page and looked for him, his account had been deleted. He obviously wasn't on the level and couldn't have me over to his house because he had a wife or girlfriend and was looking to cheat on the side. He had no reason to take it off otherwise.
So just give him time to prove himself. either he will consistantly be the person you expect him to be and not exhibit behavior that is hurtful to you or harmful to a relationship, isn't hiding that he is still an alcoholic or hiding something at home if he never invites you over.
Seeing how a person lives can tell you lots about them too. So even if there wasn't a woman, not even mom at home but he is sloppy, won't pick up, dirty house and doesnt cook anything at all, then you'd see that and know that there is a chance he is looking for a female to be his next live in maid, butler and cook, etc. Not trying to scare you but people can say anything about themselves at first and you have to take them at their word. It's hard to know if anything he said isn't true as there is no way to prove it this early on.
If he is not interested, some men will make excuses and not call ever initiating the call. So if he doesnt call after another week, call to say hi and ask how he's doing and ask if he's still interesting in getting together for another date. If he says yes, then say "Good, then lets pick a date and plan it now as my schedule fills up fast and I want to be sure to have time set aside to see you again.' If he doesnt want to set a date, puts you off somehow or stands you up on the date, then you can point blank ask him to be honest and tell you if he's changed his mind. You don't need an explanation why, just the truth, that yes, he is truly interested or not. Because if not, you are not going to be waiting around for him and just move on. Hope this helps
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