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I sometimes take long breaks from the site. I'm more than happy to answer anyone's questions, but just make sure they're not too time sensitive. :)

Facts about me:
*happy
*employed
*married
*large extended family
*bisexual
*advanced college degree
*no kids (yet)

advice

Ok, I like to sing.. and Im pretty good at it(not to be concieded or w/e) but I have the worst stage fright and everyone gets mad when I dont get up in front of ppl and sing.. Its like my personality I am really outgoing and crazy if I know you and am comfortable around you, but if I dont know you Im kinda shy and everything..how do I overcome this!?

Put yourself in a situation where you have to get up on stage. Once you do it a few times you'll get over it, it'll just take practice. I used to feel the same way. Sign up for your school's talent show or your school play. Try out for the solo in chorus. There's lots of things that you can do. You know you're good and so does everyone else, you just need to get over the stage fright, which, even though it's hard to do, there's so many opportunities around you. I hope I helped you and good luck! I know you can do it

Well, I started going out with this girl since Friday, right? I really like her, and she really likes me, but I can't seem to know what to say because I'm sitting at her table with all of her friends at lunch now. I can't really relate to her friends, girls OR guys. Today was the first day I sat at her table though, and I held her in my arms during lunch after we ate our food. I didn't speak much to anyone, even my girlfriend. I said I was sorry I didn't talk today too much because I was tired. Any suggestions on what I should do? I'm sort of a video gamer, and she and her friends aren't, so I'm not sure what to say to her sometimes at lunch or to her friends. Please, any suggestions on what to say, do when I'm around her, and say around her and her friends? Sorry this was a long post, but I really need help on this one. I'm 15/M, and she's 14/F.

Thanks!

You don't always have to sit with her. Have her sit with your friends at your table every other day. If you spend some time around her friends you'll get to know them and find things that you have in common with them. It will be awkward at first, but just give it a little time. She really needs to get to know your friends though too. If she sits with you at your table she will know how you feel when you sit at her table. If you both understand each other's feelings and talk about it together, you can make this into something that you get through together with each other's support and encouragement. I hope I was able to help and good luck!

If you are hit on your breasts (both) and then a few months later, there was large, hard, lumps discovered, what is the chances of them growing??? This happened when I was 12 and I am almost 15. My breasts haven't grown and the lumps are still there. *SCARED* and I am not able to go to the doctor!

If you have lumps on your breasts, that's kind of a big deal. You really need to figure out what they are. A reason why you can't go to a doctor would have helped. I can't think up the reason on my own, that's for sure. The doctor doesn't have to do anything to you and you can have someone else in the room with you. You could get a female doctor. It is very very important to know what these lumps are. Maybe they're just calcium deposits, maybe they're cancer. You are risking your health A LOT by not going to a doctor especially after THREE YEARS. Sometimes breasts won't grow anyways. I wouldn't worry about your breasts not growing, that has nothing to do with the lumps.

I would say either tell us why you can't possibly go to a doctor or some type of medical professional, or go. With a specific reason why you can't go to a doctor we may be able to come up with something that you can do otherwise, but right now that's really the only option that anyone is going to be able to come up with for you. We just don't understand! Help us understand so we can help you!

How much do you guys think look really matter? i think I have to be attracted to the person I'm dating so it's always been about 40% for me. BUT, sometimes if the person isn't the hottest but has a killer personality, it kind of pushes their hottness up, you know? So what do you guys think?

Most people say personality comes first. Which is not true. Personality is more important, but without good looks, it's harder to notice someone. You can't know someone's personality unless you get to know them and people are naturally, physically attracted to good looking people. If you've seen the movie "Hitch" you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. Albert would never have been noticed by Allegra because he wasn't attractive, but they were perfect together. In my eyes, personality counts 100%. If you end up with a good looking guy, you'll likely break up with him if he has severe negative personality traits, or his personality just isn't compatible with yours no matter how attracted you are to him. So, basically, looks matter a lot, but mean nothing. That doesn't seem to make much sense, but if you really think about it, it does and I see it as the truth. I hope I was able to help and I didn't confuse you too much. If you haven't seen Hitch, you should because that explains my point much better than I can hahaha. Good luck!

This girl and I have been casually dating for a little more than a month. She's only 14 and I'm 17 but I genuinly like her. I'm not using her just to get some, I don't even want to do any more than kiss her. At the beginning of the relationship she told me she had only held hands with a guy before. I was skeptical but went with it. Now, she just told me she's had sex, but it was when she was only 9 years old. I'm not upset that she's not a virgin, I don't want her for that. I'm upset that she lied to me from day one. I'm not even mad, just really disappointed and very hurt. I've told her everything I've done with every girl I've dated. I live by the basic rules: Don't lie and don't cheat. She wants to go out with me know and I don't know if I can. I've been hurt before, and recently, and if she's lied once there's no saying she won't do it again right? I know it might sound like I'm overreacting but I really don't think I can take being hurt again. Please let me know what you think I should do.

She was probably very very embarassed about it and did not feel comfortable telling you about it in the beginning. Now that you two are closer she feels like she can confide in you more. Having sex at age nine isn't something to be taken lightly. She probably didn't want you to think she was as slut and not want to be with you. Or perhaps she was raped and never told anyone about it until now. She's not a liar. Being uncomfortable about something and hiding it isn't lying. Technically it is, but it's not the same. She's being as honest with you as she can. Complete honesty isn't always completely healthy. There's no reason for you to not trust her. Listen to her and help her through any emotional strain she may be having because of what happened. That's something that she didn't have to tell you at all and she did. It's okay to be a little upset with her, but she is not a dishonest person so don't hold a grudge. She may need you right now to help her feel better about what happened. I hope that everything works out for you and good luck!

i'm a guy and was wondering something. as the question implys, i would like to know whether most people put feelings or morality first, and why. my example is pre-marital sex. there must be at least 20 questions on that topic before this one...some say 'do it if you feel ready' while others say 'no because you'll regret it and it's not meant to be that way'. both seem good reasons for or against it. is it both? should you really put your feelings and that of another first, or should you stick to your moral values, reguardless of what others or society has to say about pre-marital sex. thanks, will rate.

I think it has the most to do with the consequences that premarital sex can have. Pregnancy, STD's, false emotional attachement, a bigger breakdown after a breakup, and regret of any kind. Obviously you should never have sex if you're not ready no matter what the circumstances and if something goes against your moral values you shouldn't do it either. The problem is, most people aren't sure of their values at young ages when sex becomes an option to them. What people need to make their decision on is whether they are ready to face all the consequences that sex can have. What if I have a baby? What if I don't spend the rest of my life with this person? What if I get an STD? In my opinion these kind of physical consequences are more important to think about than feelings or morality at the time of the event. That's why people get into trouble. They don't look ahead and say how will I view this in the future? If I had to choose between feelings and morality I would go with morality. Morality are values that have been built up and are what keep people from doing things they will regret in the future, while feelings often suffer the heat of the moment and can change from one extreme to the other at any time. I hope I helped!

hi, my family has 4 animals, 2 dogs, a, cat and a guinnea pig. i REALLY want a kitten for my birthday or Christmas. my mom and dad already said no, how can i get them to say yes?

Tell them that you will take care of it and they won't have to do anything. Tell them that you'll feed it, water it, brush it, change it's litter and anything and everything else that it needs. If they still say no, it's their decision, but telling them that you'll take complete care of it will help a lot! Good luck!

Okay so I've been dating my boyfriend for about 3 months and I'm trying to figure out what I want to get him for Christmas. I've gone to the mall with him a few times and have seen things he wanted to get, but when I say, "Oh maybe I'll get you that for Christmas" he says, "No, I can buy that for myself" (since he has a great job). So what's a gift I could get that would set itself apart from other things? I mean, I want to get him something special but I can't think of anything that can't be bought at a mall.

Please Help!

P.S. I've already made him dinner once, so I don't want to repeat that so soon.

He needs to realize that a gift is a gift. If you get him something that he could have gotten himself then he didn't have to get it himself and should appreciate you for doing it for him. Most gifts are something that the person could have gotten themselves. Ask him what he wants for Christmas. Have him make a list. If he can't come up with anything, what you should do is just get him something and not tell him about it. If you don't tell him about it and just get it, he'll love it. It would be a good idea to make him something too. Bake cookies, or make a really nice card. That's something he couldn't do for himself. Remember that Christmas is about giving and he will appreciate you for whatever you give him because he knows that you really care about him and put a lot of thought into your gift. Good luck!

If you dont like hearing about sexual things i suggest you stop reading at this point :-)

I asked a question about the pill (birth control) and found out it was 99.9% effective. Does that mean the guy could cum inside the girl and even then there would only be a .1% chance? or is the 99.9% chance with using a condom and pulling out?

The pill is 100% effective if used CORRECTLY. The .1% is there basically so that if you do something wrong and get pregnant then you can't turn around and sue the company. The thing is though...you should still use a condom just in case you don't use the pill correctly. Pulling out does absolutely nothing. Don't worry about pregnancy at all if you're using the pill AND the condom. It could happen, but the chances are so small it's not worth even thinking about.

What does 14820 mean?? if it means anything...

It looks like a zip code...for Cameron Mills, NY. Otherwise I can't think of any meaning it would have. I sure hope I helped haha.

I have been dating my boyfriend for alittle over a month and we are starting to fall for eachother alot. Last night he told me that he was scared because I have so much power over him and that he was scared that I might lead him somewhere wrong. What does this mean? I really don't understand!

This is very normal. I feel this way with my boyfriend sometimes. His feelings for you are so strong that he trusts you completely and will do anything to make you happy. He knows this and it scares him because he's afraid that he may do something for you that is against his own beliefs or values. What you should do is talk to him about it and tell him that you would never do anything to hurt him and that you always have his interests and feelings in mind. This is not a bad thing unless of course you start using him, which I'm sure you won't so no worries. I hope everything works out for you and good luck!

Are contacts hard to take out? I'm thinking about getting them. Any advice on what to do lol?

First of all contacts are wonderful and they don't hurt your vision. What I do to take them out is hold the top of my eye open with the pointer finger of your left hand and the bottom of my eye open with the middle finger of your right. I use the pointer finger of my right hand to slide the contact to the corner of my eye as I look at my nose. Then I use my thumb and pointer finger to squeeze the contact together and pull it out. If you look directly at your hand it will hurt and you'll get scared. It's not painful at all. Putting the contact in is a little more tricky because when you take it out most of the time it just falls into your hand. To put contacts in, hold your eye open, look toward your nose and put it in the corner of your eye. Then let go and blink a lot. Contacts aren't all that hard to put in and take out, but it does take practice to learn the technique that works best for you. Good luck!

I cheated on my ex-boyfriend while we were together. I realized I did not love him, and broke it off with him after that. Well, I still loved him very much and he loved me, so one day we decided to hang out as friends. Well, one thing led to another and we ended up having sex. Well, I realized how much of a mistake that was, so I stopped seeing him or talking to him completely.

Now I found out I am pregnant. I am 19 years old and he is 20. My ex-boyfriend is a really good person and I think he'd make a very good father. If our problems weren't enough, here is the biggest issue.

He is foreign. He is staying in the country on a student visa. He will have to leave in 6 months unless we get married. I desperately don't want him to leave. Not for me, but for our future child. The flight to his country and back to visit would be 1200 dollars per trip. Everyone is pressuring us to get married so he can fulfill his fatherly duties and our child could have both parents around. We've research all possible ways he could stay, and it basically comes down to him marrying me.

What should I do? I can't see myself being with this person forever, but I can't see my child only getting to see his father once a year or so. I am seriously thinking about marrying him until he becomes a citizen, and then divorcing. Ugh, it's so frustrating, I don't even want to think about it!!!

Marrying him until he becomes a citizen then divorcing him is probably the best idea. Make sure that he is willing to do this AND research the marriage laws for your state. I know that in New York if your spouse refuses to sign the divorce papers you can't get divorced! Without a divorce you can't get remarried if you find someone that you really want to be with. I'm not sure if what you're planning on doing is entirely legal (marrying someone so they can become a citizen). It may sound like a great plan, but you don't want to get into trouble with the law. Research laws about that kind of stuff too before doing anything. Remember, also, that even though he is the child's biological father he doesn't have to be the child's real father. He doesn't have to be involved in the child's life at all. There's other guys out there that can be good father's AND good partners for you. Good luck!

I have a question for all you people who bake. When I was baking cookies, the top parts came out fine, but the bottom was just really gooey. Did i do something wrong? And if i did, can you explain what i should do right? They were chocolate chip cookies by the way.

rate high for good answers :)

It sounds like this was caused by the pans that you were using to bake the cookies on. Try using different cookie trays and if that doesn't work it may be something with the recipe. Try a different recipe and if they still do that it's probably your oven. I hope everything works out and good luck!

What song can I sing to audition for my schools musical? I do not have a very good voice, so I am only looking to be in the chorus (I have been in it the past, so yes, it is possible to be in the chorus even if you don't have an amazing voice). I am a 16 year old female, who cannot sing very high at all. I would like something that is easy & will sound good on my voice. I would like something from a Broadway show, or Disney. (preferably A MUSICAL PLAY). THANK YOU!

"On My Own" from Les Miserables. It's a really great song and it stays low. "Last Midnight" from Into the Woods, "Think of Me" from Phantom of the Opera, "Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again" from Phantom of the Opera, "Maybe" from Annie, "Tomorrow" from Annie, "In My Own Little Corner" from Cinderella, "Ten Minutes Ago" from Cinderella", "I Could Have Danced All Night" from My Fair Lady, and "I Dreamed A Dream" from Les Miserables would also be good choices. Good luck!

Hey,
I'm 16 and I want to try contact lenses. My optician says it's all OK. I was just wondering if anyone had any really good/bad experiences with contact lenses they could tell me about, or if there are tips any of you might have? Are they really weird to get used to? I have a real thing about touching my eyes, I don't like it at all. Will I find this really difficult? What happens if you can't get it out?

I have contacts and I love them. The best tip I can give you is not to look at the contact as it's going into your eye. Look down and towards your nose with the eye that you're putting the contact into. You can barely even feel it when you put it on the side of your eye. Once it touches let go and blink a lot. If I had known this before I went it wouldn't have take three hours haha, I had a really hard time. Contacts are not hard to get used to, but you will have some trouble putting them in to begin with. Make sure that there's nothing on it, like dust or an eyelash because that hurts like crazy. Once you get the contacts in for the first time it won't be difficult anymore, but you may have a little trouble sometimes. The only reason you wouldn't be able to get it out is because it's dry. There are special eye drops that you can put over your contacts to make them moist again. If you put the drops in the corner of your eye and let the liquid drip across your eye that won't hurt at all either. Contacts are really great things, but they do take some practice to perfect. I hope that you have an easy time with them and good luck!

If you had to pick one over the other, would you pick diamond earrings or a pearl necklace?

earrings--http://www.tiffany.com/shopping/item.aspx?c_id=WEB1&c_it=52U4&start_id=66&CategoryId=501&category=Diamonds&

&&&

necklace--
http://www.tiffany.com/shopping/item.aspx?c_id=WEB1&c_it=57I5&start_id=91&CategoryId=66&category=Jewelry&

The earrings are BEAUTIFUL. However, the necklace is really really nice too. If I had a particular outfit or two to wear the necklace with I would want the necklace. I don't know if this is for a special occasion, but that necklace would be absolutely perfect for a wedding. Good luck!

I get sleep paralysis like..every night..It happens to me over and over and over until my body gets so tired that.... I'm not afraid to get stuck in sleep. Why is this happening? I get 8 hours of sleep. I'm always tired when I go to bed. I take no naps during the day. I fall asleep. Is there something wrong with me?
This has been happening to me ever since THIS year. Last night, I had a dream that I couldn't breathe but then I realized that I really couldn't. I struggled to move my body to get myself up

What you should do is try to think about what is different about this year than the other years of your life. Are you going through more stress, are you depressed? Been injured recently? Try to think of what could possibly be causing this. Call your doctor and schedule an appointment. A doctor will be able to talk to you about this and have a much better idea of what's going on with you than anyone on this site. The breathing thing is uncommon, but it does happen to people, so I'd say that it's kind of normal, like having a dream about reaching for something and waking up with your arms in the air. So, the two things you are talking about may not be related. I hope you find out what's going on and good luck!

I'm 17. I've been dating my boyfriend for 4 months now. He's 24, and things couldn't be better. One problem. He's married to another woman. I had NO idea he was married when we got together 4 months ago. Had I known then what I know now, I wouldn't have ever kept up contact with him. So, I know, but he doesn't know I know. And I'm guessing the wife has NO idea about his infedility. I've known this for about two weeks. I taped us "in the act", in case I ever needed proof.

Question is: how should I go about handling this?

Should I bring it up to HIM first?

Should I somehow tell his WIFE? And if you think I should do that, in what form of communication do you think would be best?

Do you think I should just end the relationship suddenly without mentioning it to him, and then stay the hell away, or what?

I would like to know if MY significant other were up to no good. I know it's not so much my business, but I would have trouble living with myself knowing I kept such a drastic secret from a woman who has every right to know. :(

First reassess your feelings for him. Do you still want to be with him? Once you've decided that, before you do anything else you need to talk to him about it. Tell him what you know and how you feel about it. Ask him why he did it, why he didn't tell you and how he feels about it too. Tell him that he needs to tell his wife. Don't get him arrested, this can probably be solved on it's own. It was a great idea for you to make the tape as a "just in case", but don't tell him about it unless he still wants to be with you (and you want to be with him) and he refuses to tell his wife after a week or so. If he just breaks things off with you, then it's not your problem anymore, his wife will find out one way or another. Don't use the tape against him unless you absolutely have to (like if he gets violent or stalks you or something). Make sure that a close friend knows about the situation and is with you when you go to see him in case anything happens. A private conversation is okay, but just make sure you're not completely alone. I'm sure you've seen how this kind of stuff goes on TV, real life isn't TV, but it's never wrong to be safe. Depending on what happens, you may still be able to be with him if that's what you want. I would suggest not doing that because usually "once a cheater, always a cheater". I'm really sorry about what happened and I hope that everything works out the way you want it to. Good luck!

sorry for being to long, 'll rate high
i'm 24/m
i was in love with a girl who is 6yrs younger to me and i proposed her, she said she cares for me respects me and is my good frnd but she doesen't know what love is and also that our relation can't be successful because of our age difference, i explained her that how much she means to me and i cant live without her and 'm ready to put all my effort to make our relation successful,let me tell you one more thing that we live in different cities arround 2400kms away, but this didn't discouraged me and i thought i should giv her some time as she is to young to make such decisions so early(she's 18) and we continued being frndz, but after a couple of months we again talked about the matter and she still said the same thing but this time she also said that she's still to see the world ahead and she may come across someone in her life whom she may fall in love with, but i still felt that she loves me but is not ready to commit as she thinks i'll 've to wait for her for long time as i'm setteled with a job and she's still to complete her education and that may take around 5 yrs for her to settel,i was still ready to giv her time but this time i was very much sad and now i came in contact with her elder sis who was also a frnd to me,when i talked to her she at once realized that i'm in trouble and its because of her sis,she was very undestanding and we started discussin all our problems with each other,she told me everything about herself and i did the same,she was so supportive to me b'coz i was in love with her sis,after a few conversations only we decieded to meet as i was worried about my relationship,so i travelled to her place and we sat and talked about the girl whom i was in love with,this girl being her sis and her best buddy too knows her very well and so she told me that ya its true that she doesn't loves me as she had asked this ques from her long back and she gave the same ans to her sis also what she has told me,i felt completly shattered and had no clue what should i do, this girl,the elder one,told me to be paitient and think what i gonna do if she doesn't turns up to me after i've waited for her for 5-6yrs,she was very much supportive and gave a lot of love to me but tried to make me realize the fact that i'll have to look out for an alternative,but i culdn't see any other alternative rather than this girl and i ended up kissing her(we were in a hotel room for an entire night and this happened early in the mornin when i wake up and was about to leave),finally she got very disappointed and asked me to leave and i also realized the mistake i'd done,i went into deep depression from where she only helped me to come out by being a very nice frnd to me then, and now i wanna marry this girl,i mean the elder one,as i felt that no one can be so supportive, so lovable and so understanding as she'd been to me,she's still my frnd and still she talks to me but she doesn't wanna marry me as she can't forget what i'd done with her she doesn't wanna marry at all as she doesn't believes in marraiges and i somhow made this belief of her more stronger,i'm in a state of delima that what should i do and what not,and the younger sis whom i loved doesn't knows anything about this and she's still my frnd,please advice me what should i do, have i done anything wrong by proposing the elder sis

You were going out with the younger sister for awhile before you proposed to her I'm assuming. You're ready in your life for marriage and in your mind this is the time for you to have a fiance. The older sister though, you haven't dated at all, so proposing to her probably wasn't the right thing to do. She's not ready for marriage or even a relationship with you. If she accepted your proposal she would be disrespecting her sister in a way. She's worried more about her sister's feelings, you are "off limits" to her at least for the time being. You need to give it some time. Settle down a little and give both girls time. Decide which one you want to be with if either. Don't use the other as plan B after you've made your decision. Don't do anything until you know, just stay in contact with both of them. In the time that it takes you to figure things out for yourself they may have figured things out for themselves too. My advice is to just give it all a rest. Neither sister is ready for the kind of committment you are just yet. Leave your options open though too. Don't restrict yourself only to those two girls. There are other girls out there that would be good with you and maybe neither sister is right one for you. Basically what you need to do is take a break from both of them. Don't go crazy, but time will help this situation a lot. I hope everything turns out well for you and good luck!

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