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Marry ex-boyfriend so he can be in our child's life?
I cheated on my ex-boyfriend while we were together. I realized I did not love him, and broke it off with him after that. Well, I still loved him very much and he loved me, so one day we decided to hang out as friends. Well, one thing led to another and we ended up having sex. Well, I realized how much of a mistake that was, so I stopped seeing him or talking to him completely.
Now I found out I am pregnant. I am 19 years old and he is 20. My ex-boyfriend is a really good person and I think he'd make a very good father. If our problems weren't enough, here is the biggest issue.
He is foreign. He is staying in the country on a student visa. He will have to leave in 6 months unless we get married. I desperately don't want him to leave. Not for me, but for our future child. The flight to his country and back to visit would be 1200 dollars per trip. Everyone is pressuring us to get married so he can fulfill his fatherly duties and our child could have both parents around. We've research all possible ways he could stay, and it basically comes down to him marrying me.
What should I do? I can't see myself being with this person forever, but I can't see my child only getting to see his father once a year or so. I am seriously thinking about marrying him until he becomes a citizen, and then divorcing. Ugh, it's so frustrating, I don't even want to think about it!!!
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Hmm that's a really tough situation. Sorry you have to go through this =/ Well I mean, you shouldn't marry someone you don't love. =/ You should look for someone else who you can love and marry and can also be the father figure for your child so he/she could grow up with two parents around.
But if not that, then why not marry him, but just lead like, seperate lives? Not completly seperate lives like dating and everything cause married couples shouldn't do that, but how about have him live in another aparment? But just close by so then he can visit the child alot.
I'm sorry if I didn't help much =/ I tried the best I could. I hope everything works out for you and you make a good decision.
Love,
MELii
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wow thats a really difficult decision basicly if you dont love this person you shoudl shouldnt marry him you can always find another father figure just because he decided not not be safe and some of his sperm made a baby with you doesnt mean hes a father hes the daddy a father is someone who will a raise a child always love you and always be tehre just bc you think u have to have him tehre doesnt mean it like that you just have to leave it up to your heart and it will come to you. You cant amke thsi person love you and u cant make yourself love him fro a child even if comes down to no father i bet you coudl do great on your own!
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well you could get married but live in separate appartments and live separete lives . when he becomes a citezen divorce him . you don't have to live together like a married couple , he could see the baby but you wont have to have the commitment of a married couple.
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Okay i understand where you are coming from...abortion is NOT the answer. it is not the babies fault you are pregnant so i disagree with that totally. i have 2 children who did not ask to be in this world and i am a sinlge mom..abortions to me are murder--unless a girl was raped--thats different. anyway back on the subject hunny you dont have to marry him...both of you obviously did not think about this and him being foreign definetly does not make this easy--however you have the baby without him and he will have to contact you..you cannot marry someone you dont want to be with forever-my fiance left me about 1 month ago...he said he could not see us going to the end...so you see even when you think you have someone--they leave who is to say you wont marry this guy and then he leaves for some reason--think of yourself and the baby right now..you can make it on your own and if he wants to be in the country he needs to decide on how to get here by himself--you worry about the baby and you and you will be fine--its hard no matter what you do but in the end it will work out. Keep me posted i hope all goes well
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your obviously immature and you shouldn`t have had sex. Instead of being responsible for your child, you want to marry and divorce him, and your only thinking of yourself. little girl.
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if you say you love him why are you thinking so much. this might sound bad but you do have options. you dont need to marry him because if you have the baby and find someone else before the baby is old enough to no that he is not the father of the kid than you can just do that. if the real father goes back to wherever he is from and you find a nice sweet guy who loves you and will be the adoptive father the kid will never no unless you tell he or her.
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first of all are you sure you want to keep the baby.i mean there is a lot of other things you can do like adopion and abortion.. i dont think it is a good idea to marry someone and then devorcing them. when you marry someone it means you love them and you promise to stay together DO YOU APART.. not to be mean or anything but i was always raised to think twice be4 doing soemthing. if you knew he wasnt goin to be able to raise a baby with you and be in your baby life forever. you guys should have never had sex to begin with if you cant take care of a baby together and not only that but that you guys dont have love for each other. but anyways you cant change the past so i dont know what to tell i guess you should marry him and devorice him.. in my opinon i think it is a big sin.. but hey its your life and your mistakes.
*~Stephanie~*
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Well thats kind of hard to decide on what to do. If he doesn't know that you are pregnate tell him. Also talk to him about the situation and see his perspective on the whole thing. See if he actually would be willing to marry you and if you love each other you should get married. Marrige is about loving someone and wanting to spend the rest of your life with them. Some things are just meant to be and maybe you will find someone else to marry one day and be your child's father.
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Marrying him until he becomes a citizen then divorcing him is probably the best idea. Make sure that he is willing to do this AND research the marriage laws for your state. I know that in New York if your spouse refuses to sign the divorce papers you can't get divorced! Without a divorce you can't get remarried if you find someone that you really want to be with. I'm not sure if what you're planning on doing is entirely legal (marrying someone so they can become a citizen). It may sound like a great plan, but you don't want to get into trouble with the law. Research laws about that kind of stuff too before doing anything. Remember, also, that even though he is the child's biological father he doesn't have to be the child's real father. He doesn't have to be involved in the child's life at all. There's other guys out there that can be good father's AND good partners for you. Good luck!
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It's all about your priorities. Would you make that stressful sacrifice for your child? I'll let you decide but it isn't easy, I'm sorry you have to go through this. I'm 14 but if you want to talk, my email is on my column! :)
x Steph x
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I think a wise decision would be to marry him. You don't have to make it a spiritual ceremony or anything. Go to a court, get "married", sign the official papers and then sponsor him. You don't even need to tell people you're "married" or live in the same house.
He can stay in the country and take part in your child's life and once he has his citizenship, you can dissolute the marriage and continue on with your mutual parenting relationship.
Before you do this, I think it's smart to discuss this with your ex and see if you're in the same boat. Hopefully, there aren't any loose threads hanging around, i.e. his feelings for you, the feelings of any of his potential girlfriends.
Good luck.
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You really should take this seriously. Marriage isn't like an oh lets get married for awhile and then get divorced. It might be hard but marrying him when you don't love him probably isn't the best choice. Once he becomes a citizen your baby could be more in his life. Marrying someone you don't see yourself being with and getting into a relationship that probably won't last isn't the best solution. If I were you I wouldn't marry him. Hope this helps.
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