about

I'm a mother of 2 boys who are 13 months apart. Talk about a handful. I'm a wife to the best husband I could have ever dreamed of.
I'm one of the very blessed.


I have Bipolar 1 Disorder. I hate taking all these medications and always going to doctors appointments, but life is too short to let mental illness get the better of me.


Often times life is a challenge, and nobody knows that better than me. I wake up wondering if this is going to be a day my illness overpowers my meds, and either sends me flying like a bat out of hell, or leaves me laying on the couch like a wet dish rag.


Thank all that is good in the world that I have an excellent support system at home.
I'm one of the lucky ones.


I'm honest, and that can either be a perk or s flaw. Depends on how you choose to look at it.
I like to see it as a perk, because it's better to hear the truth than to be told candy coated bullshit.






advice

Ok, this is a question about guys. WHAT would make a guy think that it was okay to tell a girl he's currently dating who he would go out with if he wasn't with her? my boyfriend told me that about a week ago. it's been driving me nuts anytime i think about it, even worse if i see them together. i want to talk to him about it, but i'm afraid if i do, then it will end our relationship. we've been together five months. this is the first time i've really been this upset with him. i'm not sure if this is worth ending a relationship over. but all i keep thinking about is that if he's already considering other girls for a relationship, then how can we keep it together?

Did he just say this out of the blue, or did you ask him?
If you asked him, then you learned a valuable lesson- don't ask questions to which you don't really want to know the answer.

Either way, it really doesn't matter. He says that is IF he wasn't dating you. Meaning, no matter what he thinks of her, he likes you BETTER.

The best way to keep it together is to talk to him about your feelings. If you can't do that, then your relationship is a dud anyhow.

ygs-29/f

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My boyfriend couldn't be anymore perfect if he tried and it scares me so much because if he hurts me again its going to hurt so much more because it would be over for good.

No offence, kiddo, but am I completely missing the question here?
Listen, like said before me, how can he be so perfect if he hurt you?
Obviously he hurt you pretty bad if it will be over for good if he were to do so again.
If you are feeling such a hurt that you are thinking "next time it's over" then maybe you should seriously reconsider this relationship.
From what you said it sounds as if you are putting this guy on a pedistal. THAT, my dear, is you putting yourself beneath him. I promise, that will never make a happy relationship. You have to put yourself on the same level as you put him, or it will never work.

Plus, you are NEVER beneath anyone or anything! ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT!

ygs-29/f

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Hi, I'm 15/f. He's 18/m.

Basically, we both got it off our chests that we liked each other tonight. But that we were both second guessing our thoughts for each other, and that things were definitely complicated, his complications I don't know but I told him I liked him AND another person a little. So it's weird.

I think I do want to be in a relationship with him, but I don't know what he wants. Plus I'm scared because he tends to be a little stalkerish.

After we told each other the feelings were mutual, we went back to normal conversation.

What's the next move? What should I do?

Thanks in advance.

Well, if he tends to be a little "stalkerish" then that alone is a HUGE red flag.

Yah, you like the guy, but what happens if he starts stalking you? For someone to stalk another is not only creepy, but it is a big violation of personal space. It is also a crime.

Personally? That one thing would completely make up my mind.

ygs-29/f

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If i tell my therapist that i have been molested, does she have to tell someone? Obviously theres a certain level of dr/patient confidentiality, but in some situations they're obligated to tell, or can tell. Do you think she can tell me my parents because im under 18? (im 17.) thanks.

Personally? I think you should tell her anyway and ask her to please keep it confidential. Discussing that you have been molested is definitely something that is crucial to her job of helping you out.

Honestly? I'm not certain on this, but I would be willing to bet that she can't tell your parents.

Why? Not only the whole doctor/patient confidentiality, but also she realizes that in order for you to get the help you need and deserve, you have to be able to trust her with what is going on in your head. If she tells and you lose that trust in her, she is back to square one with you and in turn is no longer much of a help to you.

At least that is how I see it.

ygs-29/f

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i'm a junior in high school this year. and i live in queens, ny. i was wondering if anyone in the area knows a good SAT prep that's free? if that's possible. but if not, one that is pretty cheap and is good also? thanks!

Your best bet is to go talk to your school guidance councilor. Their job is to help you with things like this.
Not only will they research your question and give you the answer you seek, but they will help you set it up, and then help you get into the college of your choice.
They will even help you find out if you qualify for student aid and help you apply for student grants and loans.

ygs-29/f

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okay this guy likes me and i like him but we barely talk to eachother because our friends teases us about him liking me and stuff so me and him dont really talk anymore but he still ims me in aim. we had a deal that we sing to eachother, so i tried to drop hints that i like him so i sang true by ryan cabrera and he sang ill be by edwin mccain and next thing you know he liked the song what i sang to him and he asked me if he could put that song in his myspace and i asked him since when he liked the song and he said hes brother was listening to it and now my friend(she has a bf) said" wow he sings good" and i was like"yeah what song is he singing?" and she was like"true by ryan cabrera" and i was like =O because i sang that to him i dont know if he likes me or not what do you thnk about this

Ok, wait. You first say he likes you but then you say you don't know if he does? I say he does.
The real question is, why are you not talking to each other because of your friends' teasing? What they have to say about it doesn't matter, so why are you guys letting it interfere?

ygs-29/f

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16/F I really am motivated to find a religion that will have me feeling purified. I've already taking some quizzes to see which would suit me, but those weren't of use. Here are some of my beliefs which will not change.
-Against abortion
-Abstinence until marriage
-Strongly against smoking and drinking
-Reincarnation

This is for my own practice and mainly to achieve inner peace. I am very self-aware.

I'd prefer if it were a religion that isn't so common because chances are I've rejected it in the past.

Thank you for your help!

Honestly, you can believe in those things and find inner peace without it having to be stapled to any specific religion.
Maybe there is no certain religion that shares all of the same beliefs you do? Even if one comes close to your personal beliefs, why conform to something that isn't completely for you?
I see nothing wrong what so ever with having your own personal religion, so to speak.
I don't know if that made a whole lot of sense to you, but I hope it helped you a little. :)

ygs-29/f

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I think I'm depressed or going through depression. I eat a lot more than I used to, cry a lot more than I used to, and I'm just over all not happy most of the time when I have a lot to be happy about. I mean I have a boyfriend I've been with for almost eleven months and things are going okay with my family. Better than normal I would say. I'm getting decent grades in school compared to what I got last year. I've realized that I've been only paying attention to the bad things. I stress on the bad things. For example, my boyfriend cheated on me a while back after four months of going out and I forgave him for that. At least I thought I did I still think about that all the time and don't trust him as much as I used to because of it. If I'm still doing that I guess I never really forgave him. I just get so confused. My best friends haven't really been there for me either. My best friend doesn't like my boyfriend so I can never really talk to her about him and he's become a big part of my life so her not liking him has become a problem. I don't know what to do... today I've just felt so sad.

Well, you may be going through some depression, but I can't tell you for certain because I'm not a therapist or anything.
I can tell you that teens having depressed moments is common. Of course, if it gets out of hand and you feel the urge to harm or kill yourself (or others), you must seek immediate medical attention.

As for the whole trust/forgiveness/cheating issue:
The guy cheated on you. He broke your trust. It is easier to forgive than forget, by far. This is perfectly normal. There is nothing wrong with your feelings of mistrust.
Don't worry- if you truly love one another, the old saying rings true "time heals all wounds." He will again regain your trust, in due time, unless he gives you further reason not to trust him. (If that happens, end it for your own good.)

As for your best friend, you need to sit down and tell her how you feel about the whole situation of her not liking your boyfriend. Neither of you should let him come between your friendship. She needs to understand that you are with him, like it or not, and you have to accept that she doesn't like him.

However, just because she doesn't like him doesn't mean she can't at least TRY to be helpful to you. Since she is your best friend, you should be able to go to her with any problems and trust that she will help out in a manner that is best for YOU and not criticize based on her personal opinion of the guy, and vise-versa.

ygs-29/f

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MY MUM WON'T LET ME HAVE A BOYFRIEND!
am 15yrs old, ad my mum won't let me have a boyfriend!
All my friends have boyfriends, but i did'nt care i could'nt have one because i never saw it as a big deal....
Then...about a year ago i started to like this guy, i knew i could'nt go out with him, and was'nt upset i could'nt, because i thought, 'why would he like me? But about a month ago he asked me out, i told him i would think about it.(And hes saying take as long as you want, how cute is that)
I find it really unfair i can't go out with him, my mum says i need to concetrate on my studies but i am, an a/b student-and hes kinda more clever the me!
i don't think she trusts me either, but i know not to do anything stupid, i mean things like sex, am going to defo wait till am married.

I know she wants me to be safe and everything but, i really like him, and i wish that she would let me go out with him.
Is she being fair?

I don't think she is being unfair. Would my mother allowed me to have a boyfriend at age 15? Not only no, but hell no.
Why? She is just looking out for your best interests. It's not at all that she doesn't trust you. It's the teenage boy interested in her daughter that she doesn't trust. Sorry, nothing you can do about that but accept it. :(

As for your studies- time taken up by a boyfriend is less time spent on studies, meaning a strong possibility of grades dropping. I know, I know, "That won't happen! I'll be sure to keep up on my studies!" But you don't realize how easily you can procrastinate studying and how fast that causes your grades to drop.

Best thing I can think for you to do is talk to your mom about when she will allow you to start dating. If the guy wants to date you for real, he will wait until it is allowed.

ygs-29/f

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My husband and sister-in-law have the weirdest relationship. they are really affectionate with each other, like REALLY! they are always hugging and kissing each other. and like he'll jump on top of her on the couch to give her a big bear hug, and things like that. at first it just bugged me a bit, but yesterday it just went to far. we had dinner at his parents house, and we were having dessert. and we all finished our desserts, and there was one left. my husband went to take the last one, and came and sat on the couch next to me. my sister-in-law sat in his lap, and what does he do? he starts feeding her from his dessert! :S and shes acting like a child, and saying things like no no i don't want that piece i want THAAAT piece. and it was like i wasn't even there. what kind of husband feeds his sister before his wife? ya and then after they finished like half the dessert he puts some on his fork (which he fed his sister with) and asks me do u want some? i disgustedly told him no. and i don't know how to explain to him that his relationship with his sister grosses me out and kinda creeps me out as well. by the way his sister is my age, 21, and hes 29. its just this weird absurd relationship between the two of them. and shes acting like a child, and the way he treats her i feel should be the way i am treated. not the way he should be treating his sister.

what am i supposed to do?

his sister is getting married soon so i feel like instead of offending him.. i'll just ignore it and deal with it until she gets married and leaves in may.

i really need advice, because everytime i go over to his parents house i end up getting pissed off and annoyed and disgusted.

HEEEEELP!!!

Look, you need to sit down with him and make him listen to your feelings. Put it ALL out on the table. Tell him just like you told us. Feel free to add whatever else you may be feeling about the issue, considering you likely feel more than just the few words you stated above.
So what if he gets offended? His behavior is not OK, and he needs to hear that from you.

He needs to LISTEN and not just laugh it off. If he is making it a joke, then he is making your FEELINGS a joke, which he needs to realize is unacceptable.

He needs to respect your feelings and try to be understanding instead of just brushing you off about it, just as you need to do for him when his feelings are of concern.

You have to be able to tell him how you feel and vise-versa. You need BOTH find a solution to the problem. Together. Marriage is not a one-way street, so both of you need to solve problems together.

Otherwise, you it's going to be an awfully long life together.

ygs-29/f

P.S. Just so you know, you aren't alone in thinking this is gross and creepy behavior. It sounds as though he is treating his sister like a girlfriend. That's just obscene...

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im 16/f umm at my school there's this new girl named tori and she's in my chemistry class. and we talked & stuff. and she would wait for me after class. but after a while she stopped waiting for me and she even stopped talking to me. i don't know why. and one day in class i said hi to her and she was like umm hey and she was being weird and rude. i know i shouldn't care but i felt like i've lost a friend. i don't get why doesn't she talk to me anymore? i didn't do anything to her.. so what should i do?

Sadly, you just have to accept the fact that she has moved on to other friends. It happens from time to time, especially considering she is new and starting to get to know all of those around her.

Maybe in the long run it is for the best? I would say it already seems that way considering if she were a true friend, she wouldn't have traded you in on a different model. Better to discover that now than to become really attached to a friendship only to find that she was being fake. That hurts a lot more.

ygs-29/f

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14 f. Well sometimes Ill be doing stuff.. like washing dishes or listening to music or pretty much anything when Im alone and i start to daydream about someone i know dying. Usually, my best friend, one of my friends, my parent(s) and one in a while me. I daydream about it for a while. Like I have a whole story to go with it, like its a movie or something. And I just cant stop doing it, it happens all the time and I'm worried about them. What shud I do?

Ok, well what you should do is keep in mind that your daydreams of terrible movie disasters and what not should cause you no worry over your loved ones.

Daydreams are far from reality. You know that.
Look at it as your mind's way of preparing you for the worst, in a fashion. There is nothing wrong with that, though I do understand it can be disturbing to have those sorts of thoughts.

Like I said, you know it isn't reality, so don't let it worry you too much. There is no sense in upsetting yourself over your mind making up scenarios.

ygs-29/f

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I am 20 years old and have been dating my boyfriend for 8 months last weekend me and my boyfriend got into a huge fight, and i thought he was cheating on me, which was friday, so i broke up with him, saturday i had a one night stand, sunday, i got over the fact my bf didnt cheat on me and was faithful cause i found out he was. so by monday we were back together. it has been a week and we were still together. last night someone told my boyfriend they saw me with the other guy. so i told him the truth that i never thought i was going to get back with him, so i partied and it happened. well he broke up with me, and now i am very sad. I love him more than anything and want to get him back. i have explained the situation to him. any advice as to getting him back? or what to say?

Ok, I'm not down for cheating and all, but TECHNICALLY you didn't.
See, you were broke up Friday, Saturday, Sunday.
How is it cheating when you thought it was over? This whole one night stand would have had no effect if you wouldn't have gotten back together Monday, so why should it have effect now?

Make sense?

ygs-29/f

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I need a baby name for a baby boy and I want it to have three or more syllables. Also No names that start with "A" seeing as his middle name and last name will start with an "S"...see what I mean?

The following link is where I go to look for names for my baby. You have to read through the lists, but there are some cool names out there.
It lists all names that were given social security numbers from 1880-2006.
You can also type in names to see how popular they are so your son don't end up sharing his name with 50 other school mates.
I know it isn't what you were looking for, but I hope it helps:

http://www.ssa.gov/OACT/babynames/

ygs-29/f

P.S. If I have a boy, I'm leaning towards Zachary. ;)

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My mom and brothers won't stop taking advantage of me! It drives me insane. For example, my mom ALWAYS makes me babysit. She doesn't even ask me if i will, but says "hey i'm leaving now" and i get stuck watching my 2 little brothers. It's not that i mind so much to do it, but i'm tired of her just assuming i will AND not paying me or anything. It's stupid that I have to miss all of my plans while my older brother goes wherever he wants whenever he wants. How do i stop this??? I already talked to her about it a few times, but today, i woke up and there was a note saying she was at work and won't be back until this evening. So now, i'm stuck at my house (in the middle of nowhere) with nothing to do! this needs to stop.

Daycare would cost at the very least $200 per week for your 2 brothers.
Maybe she can't afford daycare so needs your help? (daycare is costly)
Maybe she wants to be able to have extra cash so she has money to give you when you are allowed to go do your own thing? (bonus)
Maybe between you and your older brother, she sees you as being the most responsible to leave home with the kids? (bonus)

You need to remember that she provides for you food, shelter, clothes, cell phones, computers, etc. so it's really not like you are working for nothing. No, Mom doesn't owe you a living like most kids like to believe.

Yes, you do deserve to have a little cash thrown your way for being such a helping, responsible child, so ask her about allowing you X amount of weekly pay, but try not to be too greedy about it- work out a fair deal with her.

ygs-29/f

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I started taking paxil for social anxiety disorder. It made my heart beat too fast and made me shaky and it also made my face swell.. weird, i know. I'm so disappointed that it isn't going to work for me.. i was really hoping it would help and be good. Does anyone know what some of the other good ones are for social anxiety disorder?

I completely agree with solidadvice4teens.
Paxil is BAD.
When I was put on Paxil by a family doctor, it literally changed my personality for the worse. I lived in a total rage every day because of the medication. Come to find out, I really didn't need medication.

If you are having these reactions to Paxil, you need to seek medical help right away. Fast heart rate is not good for you at all. Neither is swelling. They are dangerous side effects!

Antidepressants (aka anxiety medication) are for those who have a chemical imbalance in their brains.
Psychiatrists and therapists are the ones whose professions revolve around the human brain. Like solidadvice said, you should see a therapist to find out what the right medication is for you, or better yet, find out if you can solve your social anxiety disorder without drugging your brain.

ygs-29/f

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i have started drinking a new drink called enviga...is it good for you??

I don't honestly think any energy drink is all that good for you, considering most contain sugar and caffeine.

You know how sugar is bad for you, but did you know that caffeine depletes your bones of calcium?
Just found that out today, and it really has me thinking because I'm a coffee addict...

So, afraid to tell you, caffeine has no nutritional value and has no "positives".

I also learned by doing some looking regarding the whole caffeine-calcium theft, that eating an apple gives you the same effect as a cup of coffee, plus it is nutritious for you.

Maybe an apple or two will give the same effect as Enviga, considering it is likely packed with caffeine and sugar in order to make the drink "Enviga-rating"...

I don't know if that helps, but hope I gave you some interesting information to think over. :)

ygs-29/f

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if lets say you smoke 2-5 cigarettes a day how many days does the nicotine stay in your system? and how can test find out if you have it or not? and what kind of test is it usually? peeing? can they trace it within a couple of days?

"How long does nicotine stay in the system? Is there any risk associated with quitting smoking "cold turkey"?
Answer

Nicotine is a short-acting drug that is eliminated from the body relatively quickly (i.e., within a day or so). However, the effects of acute nicotine withdrawal can be felt for as much as two weeks or more. In addition, the byproducts of nicotine can be detected in the blood for up to a month after you stop smoking. This is only of concern if you are in a situation where someone else might want to test you for the presence of nicotine or nicotine byproducts in your system."

From the link:
http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/qa/qaatd/qaatd3.html

As for how they test, it seems from my research that they use urine test kits, but they may possibly have them for hair and saliva as well. However, I would assume urine testing is the way to go.

You can find different tests starting as low as $3.00 on the internet:

only search advicenators.com


ygs-29/f

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13/f 7th grade, I have no self-esteem. I'll tell you the reason why too. I moved from Indiana to Kentucky. It started out there. I was the new girl, getting to know everyone. My mom had just started dating this new guy right after her divorce. I met his daughter, Alison Jones aka the bitch. At first I thought she was a really good person, nice friendly. We started to go to the same school and I got on her softball team. Well this was about 3 years ago when it started. I thought she was my friend. But this shows that you can't trust anyone very well. She started spreading rumors. I don't know what she said, but no one would talk to me. The new girl. Its hard being the new girl because everyone is supposed to be friendly right? Nope. Half the time, if the teacher told anyone to sit by me, they wouldn't do it. And if they did, they insulted me. calling me ugly and stupid. After a while, I couldn't deal with it. I actually started to believe that I was ugly and stupid. My grades fell behind....and I didn't have any friends. EVen talking about it makes me wanna cry, which is what I'm doing. I started thinking suicidle. But I finally met one of my closest friends and she put a stop to it. But there is still damage. I have self-esteem left in my body. Not one ounce. I just moved to Oklahoma. I new start. It's great. But I still think about it and I have no self-esteem. The bright side, everyone likes me for my bright personality. Not letting my other personal stuff get in the way. I have no Idea how to get all my self-esteem back. Someone plz hep me.
P.S. sorry it was so long.

Well, for starters, allow what everyone thinks of you at your new school to boost your self esteem. Everyone likes you for who you really are.

Don't allow what the kids at the other school thought affect you. In fact, when ever someone thinks low of you, don't let what they think affect you, either.

You know you are better than all that. That is all that really matters in this world.

As for the whole rumor spreading, name calling, and insulting remarks? That is all just a bunch of kiddie high school BS. If they want to act juvenile, that is their own downfall. (That includes Alison Jones aka the bitch.) You are better than all that.

I know, I know. It's hard to see it that way because you are in school and the like, but that is how I got through all the same crap when I was your age.

People didn't like me for no reason. They did the same crap to me. I just got fed up and decided that what they say or think doesn't matter one iota to me. If they don't like me, that is their own loss and their own too bad.

I realized 'Why should I let the opinion of others dictate how I go about my life? Why should I let the opinion of others dictate my happiness?'

Make sense? Because, really, ask yourself these questions realizing that those other kids made these opinions of you based off of RUMOR. They made these judgments without even knowing a damn thing about you.

Well, they are out of your life now, so you have your fresh start, and sounds as though you got off on the right foot this time around.

Keep your chin up. Those jerks aren't worth taking your self esteem away.

Hope that made some sort of sense. :)

ygs-29/f

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i feel soooooo lonely.... i have, or had friends... but "my" values don't let me have any. outside people are strictly for formal favors and contacts u c.. but that is besides the point. imagine if you couldn't make any friends or you live on an island with a wild donkey or jackass. you can't talk to them you can't tame them and you u surely can't eat them.....

i am so alone and so many things are running in my mind and it hurts so much. and everyday i discover a small piece of glass in my hart that is pricking harder and harder.

my grandfather died yesterday... and i really love my parents but they and i don't get along.

i am hurting so much i feel like committing suicide in fact that is precisely what i need to do right now.

i can't keep things bottled anymore or else i would die a slow and morbid death.............. when i was a child i was capable of bottling years and years of shit... and now i can't control it its either thoughts of death takeover to get rid of those voices in my head or i just tell the world all the things i shouldn't be saying to shut those voices up..........

yesterday i was dancing to a song by nickodemus... and yesterday my grandfather died... but its not because he died i danced. usually i'm like that... one day i am happy and dancing and hyper and the next day i am about to throw myself off of a building... i get so sad when i am alone... because those voices arrive.... even if the jackass is the only option of not staying alone, i'd rather him run over me than those voices... and that jackass killed all the other prettier animals that i loved and left me there with it... i don't know why... am i a jackass too? like don't kill like...

i hate myself, i can't live with it... i do things i am not supposed to.. i have sexual urges i can't repress and i've never been intimate....and i don't want to.... i pick things that are "not fit for" me.... always things that are "beneath me" or out of reach.... i really feel alone and ugly from the inside.. i am want to throw up the puss... i need to cry... this is the millionth question i've asked...

but no one gets how it is... i can't find the damn answer i am looking for... but still i rate 5 to be nice to those who give a damn...

i am really feeling bad...

please someone just for a minute.... my heart is covered in shreds of glass.....

i hate myself. i hate the voices in my head. help...

**EDIT** Good for you! You are on the road to living a long, happy life! :D
____________________________________________

Ok, listen. I agree completely with the other columnist- you NEED to seek professional help. Right away.

If you are hearing voices in your head, there is something definitely wrong, but it isn't something that can't be fixed if you strive to solve the problem.

If you are happy and dancing one day and contemplating suicide the next, you may be suffering from an number of psychological issues such as manic depression or bipolar disorder, etc. Such things CAN be made better with treatment. You CAN FEEL BETTER with treatment.

There is no reason in this world that you should have to go through life feeling the way that you do. You don't deserve to feel like shit- you are better than all that.

You don't deserve to feel as though suicide will solve your problems- you are better than all that.

Suicide solves NOTHING. All it does is make all of your loved ones feel like shit. All it does is make your loved ones ask "WHY?" and "IS IT MY FAULT?" and "I WISH I COULD HAVE HELPED. WHY COULDN'T I HELP?"

All it does is allow you to take your own future away from yourself.

It doesn't make the pain go away. It just causes more pain. It isn't worth it at all. So DON'T.

Even though you don't get along with your parents, you need to say something. It totally sucks ass that you think you have to just suffer and go through this alone. Just because you don't get along doesn't mean they don't love you and that they don't care. It doesn't mean that they won't help you seek much needed help. Parents want what's best for their children, including yours. So SAY SOMETHING and SEEK HELP. Right away.

You DESERVE to have a happy existence. You DESERVE to enjoy life. You DESERVE to live in your future.

To kill yourself is a waste. Don't be a waste. Be a SOMEBODY until your intended time to leave this world (which is a long time from now).

You are not alone in this world. If you need someone to talk to, you are welcome to send to my inbox on this site or to my email posted on my column.

Seriously, seek professional help right away. You deserve to do that for yourself. :)

ygs-29/f

Don't rate me a 5 to be nice. Rate me a 5 if I actually helped you. I truly hope I was a shred of help to you.

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