NinjaNeer's advice column

askNinjaNeer

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: i have a author named Madeleine L'Engle and i have to read her book when i was sick they gave the assignment and i need a website that can help you with a book summary or sumthin im dont want to cheat but this is an EMERGENCY!!! does anybody have any webisite i can go to?????? PLEASE HELP!!!!!

I agree with Razhie. Tell your teacher you were sick (if you really were) and if your absence is valid, you should be able to get an extension.

Is the book by any chance A Wrinkle In Time? Great book... definitely worth reading. And it's not too long, either. Definitely doable in one or two nights.

Q: Say you had so called friends mybe one real one and one accompliance with that person you d not like so much and they were talking about girls they thought were pretty and you weren't included but they all were would you still consider these people your friends?

Yes, I would... I might be a little miffed, as I suspect you are, but some people just aren't pretty in the standard sense of the word.

Some people who have replied on here have said that friends should always say good things about each other... but you shouldn't have to lie to stay friends with someone!

Don't worry... it doesn't mean that you're ugly. You're probably just not cookie-cutter pretty. And it doesn't mean your friends don't like you, it's that they can't get past the high-school definition of beautiful.

:)

Q: How do you get the grams of a compound converted to mols? For example, 58g NaCl to mols. How would you get that?

Also, what is this equation used for: grams of substance/molar mass

You can figure out questions like that in chemistry by checking your units.

You start with grams, and you want mols, right?

So...

g NaCl * (1 mol NaCl / MM NaCl) = g * mol/g = mols

The equation is used to find the number of mols... using the technique above, we can find that.

g / (g/mol) = g * (mol/g) = mols

Hope I helped you understand a bit better!

Q: 16/f.
my mom recently kicked me out because i came home past my curfew. is she allowed to do that since im only 16?
im living with my dad right now but its really hard cause he doesnt have a good job and we can barely eat and i have to walk to school from a different city ever morning. it takes me like 40 minutes.
my little brother still lives with my mom and she gets child support for both of us.
i live in michigan, can anybody tell me what the law is about kicking a minor out.
can my dad collect a paycheck everymonth since he is not financially able to support me?

THANKS IN ADVANCE.

Actually, it's perfectly legal. My parents used that on me when I was 16... and actually kicked me out once.

If your dad gets legal custody of you, then he can collect child support... but until then, he doesn't have a legal right to it.

You could help out by getting a job, though... even a part time after school job will help make things easier.

Q: I can't take it anymore. you might think i'm just a child saying i hate my mom, but i've seriously proven the fact true. I can't stand her. She's so strict and the biggest hypocrite ever! always compares me to kids with no life that are goody two shoes, and when i compare myself to someone she says "i dont care about other kids, stop comparing yourself because it doesn't mean shit to me". She hates all of my friends. and always thinks she has to be right even if it has nothing to do with her. she's like "Ooh your friends have bad grades I bet, they're probably taking drugs" or "you're not allowed to hang out with that group of friends, they're a bad influence." I fucking hate her. I have no freedom, less than i did in like 8th grade! If I open the door, everyone freaks out. I'm seriously not aloud to walk outside. I'm not even aloud to skateboard anywhere anymore, and i love skateboarding so much. She gets mad at me and yells when i try to teach her something always saying that i snap at her. I HATE WHEN SHE SAYS THAT. I'm gonna go fucking insane. This is why I always have to lie to her, and be sneaky. Although its bad now because she's caught on to it. She never forgives me for a mistake, and brings it up anytime i do something wrong. She throws a fit for the stupidest things. I've wanted to commit suicide because of her, and I'm scared I just wish she died or was out of my life for good. I wish she could fucking leave me alone!!! She thinks people who cut themselves are the biggest messed up freaks in the world and that kids with divorced parents MUST be druggies. Another reason for her to hate my friends. I mean, I had a not as extreme, but similar point of view of cutters, until I was one of them. I know what it's like, and the reason is because of her. I can't take her yelling, all those sleepless nights where i just fucking cried. okay well I don't even know what to say, because this isn't even a question and I'm starting to sound like a little emo fuck. which I most definitely am not.. just help me.

You ARE just a child saying you hate your mom.

Your mom is just looking out for you. I'm guessing you're in Grade 9? You're not supposed to have a lot of freedom, because you're still pretty young. I know it might seem like most people have a ton of freedom, but that isn't always the best thing.

You mention that you have less freedom than you used to... did you ever stop to think that it might be because when she set rules you started sneaking around and lying to her?

Try acting like a mature, trustworthy kid, and she'll probably let up.

And those no-life, goody-two-shoes kids? They can actually be pretty cool. And they often have a life, contrary to popular belief... I should know, I was one of them!

When she compares you to others, but then tells you not to compare yourself to other kids, it may be because you're comparing yourself to the lowest common denominator. You've got to aim higher, compare yourself to more successful people. That's how goals work!

Trust me on this... you don't wish your mom was dead. You're just a frustrated teen. You'll get over it with time.

I'm sorry this comes across as a lecture... I really don't mean it like that. I'm just trying to bring a more mature perspective with the benefit of hindsight.

BTW, I was just like you at one point... I wished my mom would die. I'm incredibly ashamed of that now, and that's why this hit close to home.

Q: I've been watching my weight & what I eat since september. I'm doing ok, could probably be better. Either every other day or every few days, I'll eat a dessert just so I don't ruin my diet. I'll either eat a small piece of pie or 2 cookies or something & on the weekends I'll go out to eat but just watch what I eat. Lets say were having pizza, I'll just take one or two pieces & eat smaller throughout the day. I still exercise 3-4 times a week by running. Is it ok to eat some dessert/junk food as long as you keep it to a minimum? I thought it would be a good idea just so I don't totally ruin my diet by not eating any of that stuff & then binging out. Any ideas? Thanks!

It's absolutely right. You're more likely to cheat on your diet if you totally deprive yourself of the food you like.

If you still feel bad about it, how about this: if you're craving chocolate, or cookies, or something sweet, try eating a small piece of chocolate or one cookie and then eat some fruit. Usually just the taste is what you crave, and the fruit will fill you up if you're hungry.

Q: ok i absolutely hate my mom. shes so over protective and its annoying me and getting on my last nerves. im 15 years old. and my cousin who is 7 has more freedom than i do. my mother doesnt trust me. and i tell her that and shes liek not thats not it. and im like yes it is. and it jsut goes on. but i know she doesnt trust me and its so annoying. i dont have my own room because she says im not old enough for any privacy. she goes through all of my stuff everyday to see whats going on in my life. its like she has cameras in my room or something. theres this hole in my closet in the corner and i stick my diary in there. and my diary has a lock. and i go to the hole in the corner of my closet (which my mom had no clue we had) and i have a picture covering the hole. so i go there after school and my diary is there open with the lock torn off. i mean its seriously getting out of hand. i have a password to get on my side of the computer (becuase they dont trust me for my own) and they have it wired so they can get in with their own or something and then they have this friend who is a computer wizz and looks through my whole entire computer and they find out everything. all these conversations i have and all. i had this boy who i liked and we would talk and all on the computer. and that was all. she never heard of him. i never told her about him. (becuase i cant have a boyfriend) and then all of a sudden i go to these family events for holidays and hes always being talked about. and im like omg how in the world do you know? and when i tell them its all not true they wont believe me. and at some points me saying we werent going out was true. and it still is. and they still wont believe me. and the only reason why my mom isnt knowing that im writing about her is because shes in the shower. but she will find out that im writing this. andi hope she does. i mean i even talk about it to her. and shes like i do trust you. but i mean i cnat hang out with my friends she always has to be there or my sister does. she goes through my phone all the time to see who i talk to and what about. and my dad is so nice and for my birthday i wanted my own computer and my dad s liek sure. but my moms liek your not old enough for that much privacy. i eman i just got my cell phone. and when im at my friends houses she calls every 10 minutes to see what im doing and if i dont pick up she comes and gets me. and i like start to break out in tears becuase its way out of hand. but she wont stop. and i do talk to her about it. i just dont know what to do. you dont know how bad i hate her. and she knows i do. im ready to just leave and go somewhere. live somewhere else. even if its on the streets. and i have left before and she just follows me. i cant stand living with her. i wnat out. please help.

Okay...

Yes, I will agree, she is a little overprotective.

However, she's not doing anything wrong by supervising your use of the computer (which is, by rights, hers) or reading your diary. As long as you live in her house, she kind of has the right to snoop around.

My parents did the same thing when I was living at home... it drove me nuts! What worked for me was not hiding things. Use the same user account on the computer. Stop using a locked diary and hiding it. I know it's tough to do, but just don't have anything to hide and eventually she'll realize that there's no reason to be snooping.

Don't hate her just because she's overprotective. I know you're in your years of developing your own identity and independence, but she just wants to help you make the right choices. So many teenagers these days are going down the wrong path, and it shows that she really cares if she'll go to those lengths to protect you.

Q: seriously i hate them right now.
i mean they give me no privacy. they just go 2 my computer and search history. i think that is really disrespectfull. i mean i can't do that with them , so they shouldn't spy on me!
anyway the also looked at my myspace and i've got some pics on there. all of my friends do , but nooooo my parents don't allow me now. (they never new i had myspace so it's not like i broke a rule or something) i'm aloud 2 have myspace , but no pics. i think that's really stupid cuz i settet my myspace private anyways!
so how can i convince my parents 2 have pics on myspace?
AND what can i do about my parents reading everything-> like comments and stuff like that.
i am really disapointed in them! they always said they would never spy on me blablabla , but now they did!

I'm going to be a naggy adult. If you feel my advice is unfair, you can just skip a rating :)

You're a little self-entitled, considering your parents are supporting you and you're living under their roof.

It's only disrespectful if you bought the computer, you're paying for the internet, and you pay for the room you're living in.

Until you live on your own, there's nothing you can do about it.

Live by your parents' rules. You shouldn't have anything to hide, anyways... and if you do, then there's a good reason they're doing it.

Q: You are stuck in a room with no windows or doors. a solid room. Only things in this room is a mirror and a table. how do you escape?

First of all, how did you get in?

I'd walk out the doorway, since there are no doors.

Q: So I'm a teenage girl, don't say that i'm "young" or "naive" or immature or anything, because i'm not any of those things. I have the maturity of a college student and the appearance of one. (so i've been told)

So, my problem is this. The only things i've done are: kissing a guy on the cheek/neck (it was between the two) and I had phone sex a few times. And that's all I've done exept for cybering when i was a lot younger.

I told my "friend" this because we were talking about how far we've gone- and he says "aww. I feel bad for you." because he's fooled around with many different guys. (he's gay)

Is it normal that i've only done the things i've done? If I had a significant other, I'd go all the way in an instant, I don't have any religious reasons to hold back. I'd also fool around without protest. And i would be willing to make out on the first date even.

So why haven't I been able to lose my virginity? It's all I want out of life.

I masturbate regularly and I've been orgasmic for quite some time.

If it's all you have to look forward to, you'll be mighty disappointed when it does happen. Your first time is never really that great!

I was in the same situation as you at one point, absolutely desperate to lose my virginity. I ended up having to wait because nobody was interested, and it's probably the best thing to ever happen to me. I lost it to my first love, and even though it sucked something awful, it was nice because we were in love.

It's absolutely normal. All this talk of twelve-year-olds having sex is sickening; you should only have sex once you can deal with the consequences.

Just think what you're missing out on; STDs, worrying about pregnancy, all the emotional crap that goes with it, etc.

Keep masturbating till it happens, but don't go leaping at the first opportunity. Make sure it's someone you care about, because it'll be that much better.

Q: How much weight would I lose if I ate 1500 or slightly less calories a day and worked out in order to burn 1000 calories per day?

You actually shouldn't do that. It's extremely unhealthy.

I'm assuming you're a teenage girl...

The suggested intake is about 1800 (for a sedentary lifestyle) to 2400 calories (for a person who is active) for a girl between the ages of 13 and 18.

A diet too low in calories could stunt your growth, make you weak and lethargic, cause you to miss periods, make your hair and nails brittle, and cause osteoporosis!

Try rethinking your diet plan, make it a little healthier... like eating 2000-2200 calories a day and working 1000 off.

Q: Hey guys! Well, I'm a HUGE HUGE HUGE Queen/Beatles/Led Zeppelin and Elton John fan. Does anyone know any other good bands like them? Like general oldies stuff. I've heard of many...But I just don't know the right ones to choose. :) Thanks in advance.

Check out Rush... they're a great Canadian rock band.

I'm guessing you listen to them already, but Pink Floyd is amazing too!

Q: you know when children are younger, they're parents hit them, spank them, and use like belts and other objects to set them straight. well how long are they allowed to do that for? when a child turns "what age" is that illegal? thanks

I don't believe there is a specific age...

Also, I'm not entirely sure that spanking is illegal. I think as soon as it becomes beating it's illegal.

And just to set the record straight, I was raised with the occasional spanking and belting... and I turned out just fine. The loosey-goosey "go to your room" parenting of today is just resulting in a bunch of spoiled, disrespectful children!

You can't reason with a screaming two-year-old.

Q: hi my name is sarah im 18 years old! im just wondering what i should do! its kinda awkward... but everytime and my boyfriend get intimate he ask to have anal intercourse. i'm just wondering whether this is normal or maybe he is confused with his sexuality?? maybe someone out there has had the same problem as me?? advice or solutions would be much appreciated as i would not like to have anal intercourse. thanks so much you guys..

I highly doubt that he's confused with his sexuality. For a lot of guys, anal sex is the final frontier.

If you're not comfortable, tell him. Just let him know that you absolutely are not into that, and if he cares about you he'll leave it alone. Tell him that if you ever change your mind about it, you'll let him know.

If he really pushes it, tell him that he can do it to you when you can do it to him. Threaten to get an extra-large strap-on expressly for this purpose... that might stop his pestering :P

Q: i need to get a french manicure and french pedicure for prom. does anyone know how much each of these usually costs on average?

Just a warning... manicures and pedicures can be REALLY expensive, and it is just one night.

French manicures are really easy to do yourself! Just buy pale pink nail polish and white nail polish. Paint the white on the tips of your nails, then paint the pale pink over it after it's dried.

I did this myself and it actually looked professionally done!

Q: guys get hard at night

what do girls get?

Nothing, at night.

Guys have spontaneous erections every once in a while to keep fresh blood flowing to the genital area.

Q: okay, i just realized that my boyfriend can be really controlling at points.
like earlier today, i was on the phone with him and i was on myspace too, and he asked me if i was on myspace and i told him i was and he got mad because i have a bone disease in my wrist and so it like makes it worse when i type and so he got mad and he was like you didnt tell me that you were gonna get on the computer. and he does that constantly.
and he sometimes treats me like his dog or pet or something.
like at church if i just stand there and dont follow him, he'll like yell at me and say something like get your butt over here! or why aren't u coming with me? and he'll say it with an attitude and it seems like hes the one on his period.
but i just dont know what to do about it.
should i wait a couple of days and see if it gets worse or talk to him about it???

please and thank you.

If he doesn't clean up his act, you have to break up with him. Make it clear to him that this is his last chance.

This hits really close to home for me, because I'm helping a friend with getting over an abusive relationship. She dated this guy for two years, and it ended when she stabbed him in January. Keep in mind, this girl has no history of violence and she's only 19.

If he starts to make you feel like you have no friends except him, if he raises a hand in violence against you, if you start to feel worthless without him, if you start to feel like dying is the only way out of this relationship, leave him.

I know it's easier said than done, but it's for your own good. You can do better than an abusive man. If he starts being more respectful, then that's great! It might mean he was just in a bad mood.

Good luck!

Q: I have a huge massive gigantic hangover. I just threw up at its 10am. I took my birthcontol pill at 8.... did I throw it up? I believe we digest things in 2 hours... but Im assuming there is a chance I threw it up.

Does anyone have any sweet hangover cures? PLease help.

THanks.

I swear by orange juice and Gatorade. Also, I've read that there's a chemical in eggs that breaks down the toxins produced when your liver processes alcohol. I don't know first hand because I hate eggs.

Other than that, aspirin, water, rest.

Also, you may have thrown up your pill, so use a condom if you're having sex for the next couple weeks.

Q: I am 19, female. A friend of mine (20 years old) has just applied for a job at a massage parlour, where the masseuses are topless, but there is no sexual activity - it's more of an erotic massage experience. She will be paid $80-100 an hour, and earn $1000 a week for a day and a half's work.
As a student, I could really, really use that kind of money, and personally, I wouldn't have any problem with the work. The job sounds reputable and if she enjoys the job, it could be very tempting - however, I am not sure whether I would regret it on a moral basis or not? In theory, I have nothing against it. But something inside is telling me it's wrong? And yet, that kind of money could open up a whole lot of opportunities for me within a short space of time.
What should I do?

I'm a 19 year old student too, putting myself through school, so I definitely understand your situation. I'm working 12-14 hours a day, 7 days a week this summer just to make ends meet.

I'd say you should think long and hard about whether or not this is something you could handle in the future... if your husband asks you how you made it through school, would you be comfortable being honest with him?

However, I agree that the pay is amazing. Sometimes you have to do something you disagree with just to make ends meet.

If I were in the same situation, I would probably take the job. Just make sure that you find a plausible answer for when your parents ask you how you're making so much money!

Q: So, I'm not a huge fan of PDA (public displays of affection). I just don't enjoy seeing other people kissing all the time in public and i'm not totally comfortable doing that myself.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 10 months now and i just don't like the PDA.

My friend and her boyfriend are always kissing and stuff and I just think it look trashy. And if i ever say how i feel to my friend shes just like well your not affectionate with your bf. And we are, i love to be affectionate. i just dont like to be in public.

I mean I don't mind holding hands, putting arms around eachother, hugging and a peck to say goodbye. But I feel that should be all. Is this normal?

Absolutely. I'm exactly the same way.

In my way of thinking, to be all over each other in public sort of cheapens it when you're together; if you save displays of affection for when you're alone, they're just that much more special!

Next time your friend criticizes you for not being affectionate, tell her that you are, you just don't feel the need to broadcast it on national news.

You're secure in your relationship, and that's why you don't need to be all over each other all the time.

bio

My Personal Forum

My name is Amanda and I'm 26 years old. I'm currently studying electrical engineering. Armed with a fairly odd sense of humour and a sunny outlook on life, I'll take on just about anything. I'm also cussedly stubborn, which has its ups and downs. Things get tough sometimes, and I've never been one to run from it.

In my last 8 years with Advicenators, I've gone from honours student to failing out of university (and getting back on top again!), from single to married, from tenant to homeowner.

Until lately, I have been struggling with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder and OCD, which had basically ruined my life and taken just about everything from me. I'm thankful every day for every experience I've had because of this ordeal, because it's helped to make me who I am today. Things like that really make you appreciate what you do have. Now that I'm back in work and school and starting to become myself again, I couldn't be happier. I credit Advicenators with saving my life back when I was a teenager, which is a big part of why I'm still here.

I won't necessarily give you the answers you want to hear, but I'll always be honest and do my best to help.