I'm closing my account after being on this site for longer than I can remember right now.
I would like to say thank you to all the columnists that I've met through this site, may your hearts of gold continue to shine through this site.
My reason is simple: I no longer feel I have a use for it anymore. I once was a person who couldn't help other people because of certain difficult situations in my past, but all that has now changed. This site allowed me to be who I really was and for that I'm so grateful for that. It played a very important role in my life and I'll never forget it!
The questions which I answered allowed me to reflect on my life and where it was going, and gave me the opportunity to really appreciate the life that I have, which I'm now living with open arms.
I wish you well for the future,
Triquetra....signing off for the last time.
Member Since: November 24, 2007
Answers: 577
Last Update: December 1, 2010
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My boyfriend and I love each other to death, but we're drifting apart..
Any songs to help?
Thanks so much (link)
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We Belong Together - Mariah Carey
My All - Mariah Carey
Without You - Mariah Carey
Endless Love - Mariah Carey, duet with Luther Vandross
Thank God I Found You - Mariah Carey, duet with 98 degress and Joe
I hope these help,
triquetra
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I gave my heart to this boy named Darshak Patel...I loved him and he said he loved me..i no he loved me n i hope he still does, We went to NYC and went to the park and had a awsome time there.so many memories.Then school started and we didnt really see eachother...then he wouldnt call me at all. so i looked on his facebook page and it said he has been flirting with girls and then girls were leaveing him flirty comments and then one of them said see u tommaor night...wtf noo! son i started this whole thing n he got mad..the worst came quickly, He took naked pics of me n put them on facebook and added all my friends. i was soo scared..its not that bad in school its just like i miss him alittle, But then he calls me and he is like o can we have phone sex and im like no.so then he hands up and says ur not goin to do it so i dont wanna tlak to u..His voice is soo sexy its not even funny.i still love him.what do i do i hate him for wat he did...omg what do i do. (link)
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I would ask him as to what he truly feels for you. No person treats another like that, especially if they say that they love them.
His love for you is incredibly questionable because not only has he been dishonest with you (flirting with others) but he also disrespects you completely and from what I've read, you deserve better. And once more, if he did love you, then he would respect your decision about not having 'phone sex'.
Talk to him first and see where the two of you stand on this subject. And if that doesn't work out, then I see no other choice but to leave him.
I hope this helped,
triquetra
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What are some quotes,poems,songs, etc.. that mean something to you about life & love?
Or even bible verses that you find inspiring, anything.
I'm putting together a book for these people,
that a year ago lost their son in a car accident,
so just good quotes, or uplifting inspiring things.
(link)
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"...when you left I lost a part of me, it's still so so hard to believe, come back baby please 'cause we belong together. Who else am I gonna lean on when times get rough, who's gonna toalk to me on the phone till the sun comes up, who's gonna take your place, there ain't no other better, oh baby, bay, we belong together..."
We Belong Together - Mariah Carey
"...and I know you're shining down on me from heaven, like so many friends we've lost along the way, and I know eventually we'll be together. One Sweet Day..."
One Sweet Day - Mariah Carey and Boyz // Men
"This is for my peoples who just lost somebody, your best friend, your baby, your man or your lady. Put your hand way up high, 'cause we'll never say bye. No, no, no, no. Mammas, daddas, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins, this is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers. Lift your head to the sky, 'cause we'll never say bye...I remember when you used to tuck me in at night, with the teddy bear you gave me that I held so tight...now the hardest thing to do is to say bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye , bye..."
Bye Bye - Mariah Carey
Sorry for their loss,
triquetra
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This is done by texting. My friend and I, but hes also a guy that I like. I did call him last night, but he didn't get my phone call cause he was on the comp.(we are both seniors in H.S.)
This is from today..after school.
me: are you busy tonite?
him: no
me: then I will call you tonite and hopefully I wont get your voicemail.
him: kk..why?
Me: fine...then I don't want to call you
him: no....are you going to tell me something important?
me: no..I just want to talk to u...friends call each other and stuff, but you never text me first..only once T.T
him: I do that to all my friends
me: ok well i'll take that..I just wish more ppl were like me in a friendship..kinda..a little bit
him: call me...tonite
me: why?
him: u said you want that kind of friend
Am i suppose to be okay with this?...I'm just lost because i am very insecure and i tend to over analyze everything...please tell me what this means. (link)
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It means that he wants to be your friend. When he asked, I think he just generally wanted to know as to what you wanted to talk to him about, it would be either:
a) something ver important (like going out with him for example)
b) something everyday.
Don't ask me why, but it always seems to happen with guys, even eith me!!!
So trust me, everything is fine, there is nothing to worry about.
And also, you kinda did the same thing when he asked you to call him: your responded in the same sort of way and I'm willing to go as a far as saying that you were wondering whether he'd something to tell you as well or whether he just wanted to talk to you.
I hope this helped,
triquetra
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so my ex and i were together for a year and half. and we broke up like 2 months ago. i am soo ready to just move on, but it seems like there's no one there that likes me, or wants to be with me. What should i do? i really want to just move on and forget about my ex. but i just need somebody to move onto.
thanks to anyone that helps.
(link)
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When you move on from a realtionship, we ned to recover from that realtionship first before moving on with our lives and starting yet another realtionship.
If you rush into another realtionship before fully recoering from the last, then that realtionship won't last very long because you'd still be on the rebound, which I'm guessing is the reason as to why you feel nobody likes you or wants to be with you.
So, take some time out, go on holiday somewhere, go and visit your parents, hang out with your friends and until you feel totally free from your ex emotionally and physically, then you'll be ready to start another relationship.
I hope this helped,
triquetra
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I'm in grade 8,and this guy i've liked forever always ignores me.how can i get him to notice me? (link)
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Okay, first of all:
1) What age is he?
2) What year is he in?
3) Does he know you?
4) Is he already in a relationship?
5) How old are you?
6) What kind of guy is he?
I really need a lot more information than just one line.
triquetra
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ok. this is going to be sort of hard to describe, or I'd look it up on like webMD or something. I know none of you are doctors, and you can't cure me, but I'm just looking for a basic idea of what's wrong, not a cure. here's the problem: on my left knee, there is this certain "spot" where if I kneel on it, or even just lightly brush my finger on it, in a sort of certain way, there is this terrible pain that shoots through my body. it's like spine-straightening pain. i don't know how to describe what the pain feels like exactly, so yeah. but it's really weird, and really painful, because we do this thing in gym where we crawl across the floor, and i always hit that spot multiple times, and my whole body straightens out immediately. and i honestly don't know what's wrong. does anyone have any idea whatsoever? (link)
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I get the feeling that you've got a bruised knee, either on the bone or on the skin and it's probably from the crawling. If I were you, I would a short break from the gym and see whether the 'spot' clears up by itself. If it doesn't I would suggest that you go to your doctor.
I hope this helped,
triquetra
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I think I might have some kind of mental disorder but I'm not sure exactly what it is. I'm a 16 y/o male. Here are my symptoms: I can't ever keep a conversation going. People talk to me and it takes me a while to come with a response so I end up saying things that don't really make sense or I just don't say anything at all. It's kind of awkward. And then when people say what's up to me in the hallway I forget their names so I'm just like "what's up...man". When I ask questions people don't understand what I'm asking. When I give presentations teachers always think I dont know what im talking about because I can't explain things. I can't ever share things I hear on TV or things that people have said throughout the day. It just sucks because people think I'm awkward and they never want to be alone with me. even my close friends and family. It's fine if I'm in a group because I have time to think of things and when I can think of what I'm going to say it usually makes sense. It's really stressful and I feel like I'm losing all of my friends. (link)
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This is what I was like 2-3 years ago. I was quiet and I never really talked that much and when it came to public speaking, I was a complete wreck and was nervous to point where I thought I was going to be sick!!! And like you, I had to think about what I had to say and say it in a way in which it wouldn't sound stupid... though it would sound stupid anyway!!!
Anyway, my tutor gave me a book which I found incredibly useful. It's a book called 'The Fine Art of Small Talk" by Debra Fine and it's full of hints on how have small talk with people and help you build up your confidence in speaking to others. It will take a while though, confidence takes a while and a lot of guts. But once you take that leap of faith more than once, you get used to it and it comes naturally to you.
When you give presentations, have little cards with you with bullet points on so you know what you need to talk about next and ensure that you've done a lot of research into whatever subject you're talking about so you can answer all the questions which come flying your way.
I hope this helped,
triquetra
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18/m
There was this girl that I liked, and when I told her how I felt, she said she didn't feel the same way, and I was ok with that. It didn't really bother me. We still are friends, and we still talk. I had kind of figured that she liked someone else, I didn't really know who, but that didn't bother me either. Sometime around last week, I found out who she liked, and it made me really mad, and that what I'm trying to figure out. I knew she liked someone, but once I found out who it was, it makes me mad. It's not a problem with the guy, I don't even know him.
Why does it make me so mad?? (link)
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You say that it's a problem with the guy? I'm going to say that it is a problem with the guy. You're mad because you're wondering as to what 'qualities' this guy has which you don't have which made her choose him over you, if that makes any sense. And the fact that you don't know him may be making it even worse.
You may not be aware of it, but it's a possibility.
I hope this helped,
triquetra
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16/f
Alright, well i like this guy and we talk every night for an hour or 2 on the phone. This has been going on for about 2 weeks now. Well whenever my friends ask him about me and stuff, he tells them different things. Like, one day he told one friend that we are about to date, and then yesterday he told a dif. friend that he dosen't know. Also, today i was walking out of school and i looked out of the corner of my eye and he was right behind me. He dosen't know that i saw him, he was only like 5 inches away and he didn't even say hi and i am pretty sure he could see me!! i am so confused, he talks to me on the phone but at school, he dosen't, he has before but not much. I don't get it! i am so confused! His name is steven and mine is cassie! (link)
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Hi Cassie,
I would ask him as to how he feels about you, because he can't run circles around you and leave you in hope constantly that he will ask you out. And ask him as to why he says these things. It could be the case that he doesn't know how he feels about you. It does take a while for you to realize about how you feel about somebody and I'm guessing he's in that stage at the moment.
I hope this helped,
triquetra
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This is an extremely odd question for me to ask, but I'm getting a little desperate and a lot frustrated. And, sorry, my questions are always long.
I'm (almost) 21 f and graduating from college in may, provided I don't fail my classes because of poor attendance. I'm a very healthy person, aside from the occasional bout with Crohn's disease, which I'm forever medicated for.
Thing is, all of the medications I have to be on can cause insomnia, which I'm predisposed to. I've always had sleep problems, but these medications make it kind of ridiculous. As in, I don't get tired. At all. I can stay up for days on end and - well, not feel fine, but not feel tired. After one night of no sleep, I slur my words, mix up my sentences and have no center of balance. If I do manage to fall asleep, it's only for two hours at a time, and I ALWAYS have nightmares. Unless I take something to knock myself out.
After dealing with that for something like three years, trying every trick in the book to fall asleep and stay asleep, and quite a few over the counter medications (including Nyquil, Benadryl, Tylenol PM, Melatonin, and some other sleep aid that I can't remember the name of), I finally got one of my doctors to prescribe me Ambien. Yes, I'm aware that Ambien is easy to abuse and people become dependent on it, but that isn't a problem. I was only taking it every other night. I now take it every night, because I can't afford to not sleep every other night anymore. I'm a very active person, and very busy - I have two jobs, and they both require me to have a lot of energy (I work at a coffee shop, and I'm a hired soprano for a pretty well-known church choir around here) - and I need to be alive at both my jobs.
My problem is I have a 10am-12pm playwriting course at college, and attendance is very important, not to mention I love the professor, and this class is a lot of fun. I woke up today at 11:25. Class would have been over in 20 minutes, which is barely enough time for me to get there and find a parking space, let alone get dressed. I emailed my professor letting her know what happened, because I don't want her to think I'm slacking or that I don't care about the class. I also sent her the assignment that was due today, even though she really doesn't want things emailed to her (I don't blame her, we're working on full-length plays. Granted, mine's only ten pages so far, but still.)
Another issue is that my coffee shop job has me closing the store pretty much every Monday and Wednesday night (two nights I don't have classes). My boss discovered I'm good at closing, so now I close more than anyone else in the store. I don't get home until around midnight. If I went to bed right when I got home I'd get maybe eight hours of sleep, but since I have to shower (trust me, I HAVE to shower) and wind down, and wait for my sleeping pill to kick in, I don't get to bed until 1 or 2, and it's difficult to wake up six hours later for class. I can't tell him not to have me close those days because he just won't schedule me those days, and I need money. I live on my own and I have a kitty. She needs food.
I have to leave by 9:30 to get a parking space and get to class on time, which means I have to be up at 8:30 the latest. I don't even remember turning off my alarm this morning, and it was in another room, which means my sleeping pill was still kicked in. I guess it's just as well I didn't get up to go, if that's the case, because driving on Ambien - not such a good idea.
SO. At this point, it seems that my only solution to getting to class in the morning is to just not sleep Monday and Wednesday nights, which wouldn't be such a problem if I didn't have night classes Tuesdays and Thursdays.
But, given the fact that I do have night classes, I can't just sleep later. I know not sleeping is really unhealthy, and it makes me feel terrible, but I'm seriously considering it at this point.
I can't go to bed earlier, and I can't make myself get up, unless I train my cat to start jumping on me at 9am. She won't, though, I've tried. When I first got her, she used to start crying for food as soon as my alarm went off (she sleeps with me), but now she just curls up next to my head and purrs to wake me. She's a very nice alarm, but I wish she wasn't so relaxing sometimes.
Anyway.
Does anyone have some kind of solution for me? Something I haven't thought of? Any advice is welcome, except "You suck, slacker!" because it's just not true...
Thanks,
-Siren =( (link)
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You say that you take medication for you illness? I don't know if you've already mentioned it, but could it be possible that they could be causing your sleepless nights? And you using Ambien to counter it could be having side effects?? I don't know exactly Siren, but I would have to take this up with your doctor and see what he says about it... again.
As for your work, I'm afraid that you'll to ease up on one, and considering that you need the money, I would suggest easing up on the choir as it won't really put the food on the table or in the kitty bowl. I think that being part of a well known choir should be the last of your concerns. And I get the feeling that you're doing far to much work for your body to cope with. You're juggling what seems to be a very difficult course with night courses and two jobs. I'm not surprised that you're having these tireless nights.
Another thought has occurred to me, another reason why people don't sleep well is because that they're stressed about something and they're kept awake by that stress. I've been stressed on may occasions and I've never managed to have a good nights sleep when I am. You may not be aware that you are stressed, but I'm guessing that it can be another factor in as to why you're having these sleepless nights.
I hope this helped,
triquetra
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Hi I'm Sarah I'm 19 & my boyfriend David is 18 (Turns 19 next month). I will ask my questions now: "Is this truly love? & Will we last?" but you miiiight want to read the synopsis first.
We liked each other the whole 2nd quarter of Sophomore year. Actually he liked me longer. But we never started talking until mid way through the year. We instantly had a connection. All of our friends could tell we liked each other. School ended & summer hit & he came one day with a bunch of flowers of all my favorite colors & a fake rose that he hand made & said "I Want You To Be My Girlfriend Until The Last Rose Dies". He pretty much won me over. & within time we exchanged our "I Love You(s)". At the time my career had just started that summer & I didn't think I had time for a boyfriend so very naively I broke up with him.
We dated again my Senior year. This time we felt even more of a connection. We grew stronger as a couple. He told me it completely tore him apart him when I broke up with him. At this point we were both 18 with still no cars for transportation or cell phones. Just the home phone or myspace to communicate. Sometimes he would longboard to visit me at my house & he would borrow his brothers car to visit me.
I'm the type of girl that can be very insecure due to my past. I feel unwanted, uncared for, & unloved if I don't hear from my significant other everyday or at least a week at the most. By the end of the week I start freaking out because I'm worried they don't care & we're falling apart.
David got really busy & we didn't talk for 2 weeks. I over thought the situation & broke up with him again because I thought he didn't care anymore.
We are currently going out again for our 3rd time to give our love another chance. He doesn't love me any less because I keep breaking up with him. I don't plan to break up with him again this time. But in a way I'm glad we did take our breaks along the road because we both have experienced other people to try and find that same connection but we both felt nothing like what we have. Plus we feel like we learned from our mistakes which only makes us stronger as a couple. I told him communication is so important to me in a relationship & now we text each other every day & surprisingly he's normally the first one to text me :)
We only want to be with each other because we feel we're right for each other. We connect mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. We are both out of HS now & taking a year off for college. We are both working to save up for an appartment so we can live together. We do not have a car, were working on that as well. But he has a longboard & I have legs so we can see each other that way & we both have cellphones now to communicate more often which is GREAT! We are on our 3rd week in since we became a couple and we are doing great. We've never felt something this strong with another person. Whenever we're together it's always comforting, sweet, romantic, & sexy. We can talk about anything. Our relationship...it just feels right. We are so in love. At least we feel. I feel that it's love & how we care about each other so that has makes us keep coming back together.
But from other persons perspective...
PLEASE HONEST ANSWER
Is this love? Do you think we can last this time forever or at least a long time from now?
Thank you for your time. Sorry this was long. (link)
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Yes, to be quite frank, I think that this relationship will last.
When I first saw the title, I first thought that this is going to be one of those letters which are the 'same old, same old' where the girl loves the boy, he did for one time and then fell out of love with the girl, even though she still loves him.
This is a unique relationship in the fact that the both of you still love each other fiercely, even though you've broken up three times. And the fact that you want to move in together is another great sign. And others have tried to get that same connection, yet haven't makes this relationship even more unique.
However, there is one downside which you may not like but I'm going to write it anyway. On this site, not only do you hear of the 'same old, same old', but you also hear of how others thought that they're relationship was 'perfect', but things began to go wrong and the relationship fell apart and hearts were broken. Too many girls and boys have been lured into that false sense of security and it would be heartbreaking should this not work between the two of you.
Now, I'm not saying that this is going to happen to the two of you because I think it is quite obvious that it won't, considering that you've learnt from your mistakes, you love each other etc. but I just want you to know that it can happen. All I ask if for you to keep an open mind and make only the decisions which you feel are right at the right time.
May you have a long lasting relationship,
triquetra
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I'm a freshman in college, and about a week into school, one of my friends was raped. understandably, she decided to take the semester off to heal. When she told her best friend about what happened to her, the friend stopped talking to her all together (up to that point, they had talked multiple times a day, every day). Now she's home again, and another friend is taking time off just because she hates her school. This girl heard what happened to my friend through the grapevine, and now refuses to talk to her as well. My friend already blames herself for everything that happened, and it's just terrible that the people who are most supportive of her right now are back at the college she left behind, the people she's only knew for about a week. is there anything she or i can do to get these crazy friends from home to support her? (link)
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Yes, go over to her house and just be there for her. Remind her of two very important things:
It wasn't her fault
It wasn't her choice
What her 'friends' are doing is definitely not the right thing. Personally, I would call them up and ask as to why they aren't talking to her anymore, just because she was raped doesn't mean that they need to stop talking to her.
This is now the most crucial time for her and she needs all the support which her friends and family can give her. Why? Because after something like this happens, you can be left psychologically scared and that can change your whole outlook on life and without the support, it could get worse.
Sometimes family isn't enough, sometimes you just need to have you friends around you and this feeling of guilt and blame which you friend is feeling isn't going to go away by itself. It will take a lot of support to get her to become the girl she was before all of this happened.
Her friends need to realize how serious this could get if they don't support her. Like I said, go over to her house if possible and just hang out with her for the day and have fun together, make her feel loved.
Good luck with the future,
triquetra
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15f.
i am not by any stretch of imagination depressed. however, i feel that my performance, specifically in school and my goals, has been very poor.
to start off with, i have recently been getting lower and lower grades. i used to be a straight A student with a couple Bs here and there, and in the first three weeks of school, i've already received a total of six Cs and Ds. i am very disappointed in myself, especially since i had studied for those exams. one major cause of my poor performance was that i had forgotten my priorities, and especially forgot that school is my absolute number one priority two weeks ago. this past week, i had gotten sick, and was unable to perform my best. weekends don't seem long enough anymore to fit in all the things i need to get done, especially with my large workload. i can handle all my honors and AP courses (i'm a sophomore) but it's taking a toll on me.
i want to change this, and i need to get motivated. i know i have the capacity to get good grades. i have a month and a half or so to pick my grades up and really show my teachers that i can do this.
so, i think one of the major causes of my downfall is that i spend too much time at my desk. i view my desk as both a place of relaxation (my laptop => internet => facebook => relaxation) AND schoolwork. i need my laptop to DO schoolwork but i do have a severe addiction to facebook and the internet (not pertaining to schoolwork) in general. i would MUCH rather sit for 2-3 hours from the time i get home till 5:30 and get EVERY LAST OUNCE of homework and studying in. if i have a specific exam the next day, i'll review ONLY THAT material later that night.
can someone please help me stick to this plan? i always drift off and go on facebook or get distracted and i MULTITASK. i already do homework during lunch which substantially cuts out time from my night routine, but i still have lots of studying and work to do. i try to squeeze in doing work throughout the day as well (between classes, while teachers take attendance, etc.) but how can i stay completely focused on my work and just GET IT ALL DONE? i have RAIDED -- absolutely positively RAIDED the internet of study tips so you will not get a 5 if you send me links to "study tips" and "stay focused." i do things in little chunks and every 30 minutes i switch subjects to keep my mind alert, but i still get sidetracked. and for those assignments that i do need the internet, i can't just put my laptop to the side and ignore it.
is there a way to block certain websites for a certain amount of time everyday? e.g. if i wanted to block facebook.com and my email website, is that possible? does anyone have any solutions to my dilemma? i really do not want my grades to suffer because of my lack of concentration. (link)
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'Work, Work, Work'. That is what I'm getting from this letter. What I'm not seeing is 'Work, Break, Work, Break, Work'.
You're working yourself far too hard each and every evening. It's good that you do things in chunks, but you need to just take time out and relax for a while. That is why you're getting distracted: your body is trying to have some time off from the constant work which you're doing and have some 'me-time'.
Keep on doing the 30 mins per subject, but have at least a 10-20 min break so you can refresh yourself for the next subject and you can focus again. Do only the required amount of work needed for each subject and then take the rest of the evening off.
I'm afraid that is no program which is designed to block certain websites for a certain amount of time. But what you can do is to block them, then unblock them again when you want to use them again. But if it is a program, then you can't really block it at all. All you need to do is to re-configure your firewall settings to block that website, but since I don't know what kind of system you're using. For questions on that, go to this advice columnist: http://www.advicenators.com/column.php?u=DangerNerd . He's the best to go for computer advice.
However, there is the temptation to unblock it when you're not having your break, so what to do? Just disconnect from the internet and only use it when you need to.
What will happen if you continue this work load? You'll become exhausted to the point where you won't be able to take any more and you'll become what people to call a 'workaholic' where all they do is work. But you can avoid it with the breaks and time-out.
I hope this helped,
triquetra
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i brush my teeth in the morning and at night and i chew gum, but for some reason my breath is always smelling now. ahah its never really happened until the last month. what tricks are there? (link)
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How about using mouthwash everything you brush your teeth? Personally, I use 'Listerine total care' which always gives me that refreshing feel. Don't go for the other labels which are always in the drug stores. Go for Listerine.
Gum does give you fresher breath, but it doesn't last permanently (as I'm sure you know).
If it persists, see your dentist and see whether he can see anything which is causing it.
I hope this helped,
triquetra
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I'm thirteen 5'0 and 130 pounds. I really need to lose weight. I have stretch marks on my calves and hips. I want to know a way to lose weight asap. i hope to lose twenty pounds. (link)
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Follow the Special K diet. It really does work. One big bowl per day in the morning is quite sufficient to last you till supper. If you want, you can join your local gym and stick the regime's there and do what think suits you best.
I hope this helped,
triquetra
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I said some things that i wish that i could take back right now but I can't and I just feel like my life isn't going to get any better right now. What do i do from here? (link)
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I know the feeling. I've said and done things which I will always regret.
I give you an example. When I first came to my new school (this is like 3 years ago), I was quiet and closed up to others and wouldn't really socialize and I would do things which would make my peers think of me as some kind of freak and because of that, I became even more of a recluse and wouldn't really talk and I never knew my friends as much as I did and I thought "well, my life here isn't going to get any better". But a year ago, I came out of my shell and began to talk to them and socialized with them a hell of a lot more than what I used to, due to a big epiphany which I had and which I won't go into here. And now, I deeply regret not knowing them better than I do know and how I wasted those years keeping to myself, and with our time here ending with each day, I feel so upset and wish that somehow, I could turn back time and start all over again and behave differently and maybe, everything would've turned out differently.
What I learned from this experience, is that we do make mistakes in life, but when presented with the same/similar situation, we can get another shot with a whole lot of different people and avoid the mistakes which we made in the past. And not to get stuck on what we did in the past, and to make most of the time which is left with the people who're around you.
What you said, whatever it was, is now a thing of the past, but there are many more opportunities to avoid saying those things again in any other situations.
In other words, don't worry about what you said, you can't change it now. Now take most of the opportunities to make up for it.
I hope this helped,
triquetra
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Okay, recently my best guy friend came out of the closest. Meaning he likes men. I have no problem with that, I'm 100% understanding or atleast I try. But now that I know that he's gay he feels the need to rub my leg constantly and is like you couldn't get me hard and doesn't stop at rubbing my leg he goes right up there and I continue to freak out. Well not a lot of people know thats he's gay, but I have a lot of people willing to kill him cuz he makes me feel uncomfortable.
I've tried explaining that i dont like rating guys with him- and I like a guy Cole and I see him flirting with Cole and COLES STRAIGHT. It makes me really mad and I try to explain things and it doesnt work.
He knows I like Cole. And he jokes about trying to turn him and it pisses me off. I tried joking with him and being like Nope he needs to stay for the straight girls but it dosnt work.
Im done with him. but i dont want him to think its because hes Gay because its not that. he just needs to calm his urges because i dont care who he's been flirting with lately expecially when its the guy i like. Cole even notices and is like woah Katie you should deff beat him upp hes hitting on me and im deff yours.
But nope thats not enough for hm to get the picture. ERGH.
Maybe im not explaining it clear or something..
Any Advice? (link)
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Katie: what exactly are you telling him? Because whatever you're telling him is clearly not getting through to him. And also, ask as to why he rubs your leg, because that's just weird... he knows that he's gay, so why bother??? And it's a violation of personal space, so he needs to stop that now. So when he does it again, tell him to stop.
I think that now is the time that you should talk to Cole about it and see what he thinks. And also ask what feelings your friend has for Cole, because then, you can tell whether he's really joking or really liking him for real.
Considering that Cole said that he's yours, I think that the next step is to maybe... date him? That is, if you're ready for that and it will definitely make your friend understand. But I can tell you right now that if you do date Cole, your friend will not like it one bit and I get the feeling that he will react in two different ways:
1) Have a argument with you.
2) Withdraw and not speak to anyone for a period of time.
I don't like the idea of people beating up somebody because they're hitting on you, that's just not... fair on them. So try and avoid that. Being gay isn't easy, because society will frown upon you and will be treated... differently by others and you run the risk of being rejected by some social groups a lot more often.
Now, I would also like to point out that your friend only recently came out and it will take him a period of time to adjust to the fact that he can now show his feelings openly about another guy in public without the fear of being caught and being discriminated by others. So keep that in mind.
I hope this helped,
triquetra
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i have been dating my bf for almost 3 yrs. we have a long history with a lot of pain inbetween. he has left me to date around for a few months, when we got back together the abuse started. hitting me, puncing,kicking,grabbed at screamed at, cursed at. there have been a few incidents of this severe abuse. we tried to patch things up. and it worked for awhile. now it seems like if i dont do something he wants or if he gets mad at me, he will jab me in the ribs with his fingers, or dig his nails in my skin, etc. he is cursing at me again. i feel like im hitting rock bottom. i feel so depressed, i know its time to leave him..but i love him and i wish it would all just stop :(
i see him all day every day. im his way to college. we both attend a local college. and it feels like i need him in my life. i have helped hiim so much , im so happy hes goinhg to college and i dont want him to fall on his face because he has no way to get there if i leave him.
i feel like im trapped with him un til i transfer colleges in a year. i feel like i dont want to deal with him stalking me. i just wish we could work out together, i love him so much. but enduring the abuse is seriously taking a big toll on me. i feel worthless at night. the affection is dying, and i feel like crap all the time. i cry myself to sleep. i am so hurt by the way im treated.
im also angry at myself for letting it get so far. now i feel like im in way over my head and that i have to put up with it. i dont want to live an unhappy life..are we beyond repair? (link)
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Short answer: Yes, I think that now is beyond the "point-of-no-return".
You need to move out, and as soon as possible. But before that, I think that you should give him an ultimatum: tell him that if this time round doesn't work, then the relationship should end. No ifs or Buts, enough is enough and if you don't start to stand up for yourself, then he can just continue to tread all over you.
You've done so much for him, and you've loved him. But for him not to return that kindness and love back is horrible and selfish. Personally, I would let him fall back down. He used you as a ladder to get back up again, but he continued to treat you in such as way that you can no longer support him and so to break away will be a good way to give him a good wake up call. Nobody should have to live the way that you do, so it's now time to break away from it all and have the happy life that you were supposed to live.
Go and live with friends or family who live near by or far away. A year is too long to wait to get away from him. Wait and see how the ultimatum plays out, and then take the next steps after that.
Good luck with the future,
triquetra
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ahh! i need boy help.
this guy lets call him mike, he asked me out on wednesday and i said yes because i like him a lot! So, obviously now im the happiest girl on the earth. But, heres a problem... I'm a sophmore and hes a senior! Well, hes turning 18 in november and i'm turning 16 in december. Well, I know once he turns 18, everything illegal. But i snuck out last sunday to see him and i got caught so my mom doesn't really like the sound of him. I've been giving hints by wearing his football jeresy home, he picks me up for school every morning [but i go to my bus stop so my mom doesn't see that but yesterday he got me at my house because it was pouring] My mom like doesn't trust me with him! What can i do to make my mom like him? And, i want him to meet my mom but i dunno if shell like that. My mom is usually laied back about who i go out with, but for some reason my mom doesn't like that hes 2 years older then i am. help!
my questions:
1) how can i make my mom appreciate/trust me with him?
2) how do i make my mom like him?
3) how can i TELL my mom im going out with him other then throwing these stupid hints around?
any other advice about this subject will be appreciated!
thanks in advance :) (link)
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If I were you, I'd still invite him around to your house.
I can understand as to why your mum in nervous about you being with him. Having a two year difference in her eyes maybe frowned upon by other people and she doesn't know exactly as to what he's like:
1) She doesn't know whether he's a charming young man or not.
2) She doesn't know what kinds of friends he's got
3) She doesn't know what he does in his spare time (trust me, that's a biggy). So to her, he could be doing drugs or something of that nature (ONLY an example).
4) She doesn't know anything about his upbringing/what his family is like etc.
5) She doesn't know anything about what he's studying/whether he's got a job or not.
6) She doesn't know if he will treat YOU right.
You can't force somebody to like somebody, it's like trying to force yourself to like a guy and it's hard to do that because of all the issues you may have with that person.
Just tell her that you're going out, there is no point in beating around the bush now. Might as well hear what she's got to say about it and take it from there.
I hope this helped,
triquetra
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