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Explaing This To Him.
Okay, recently my best guy friend came out of the closest. Meaning he likes men. I have no problem with that, I'm 100% understanding or atleast I try. But now that I know that he's gay he feels the need to rub my leg constantly and is like you couldn't get me hard and doesn't stop at rubbing my leg he goes right up there and I continue to freak out. Well not a lot of people know thats he's gay, but I have a lot of people willing to kill him cuz he makes me feel uncomfortable.
I've tried explaining that i dont like rating guys with him- and I like a guy Cole and I see him flirting with Cole and COLES STRAIGHT. It makes me really mad and I try to explain things and it doesnt work.
He knows I like Cole. And he jokes about trying to turn him and it pisses me off. I tried joking with him and being like Nope he needs to stay for the straight girls but it dosnt work.
Im done with him. but i dont want him to think its because hes Gay because its not that. he just needs to calm his urges because i dont care who he's been flirting with lately expecially when its the guy i like. Cole even notices and is like woah Katie you should deff beat him upp hes hitting on me and im deff yours.
But nope thats not enough for hm to get the picture. ERGH.
Maybe im not explaining it clear or something..
Any Advice?
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"i dont want him to think its because hes Gay because its not that."
Yes, it is, and that is COMPLETELY fine. It is perfectly fine to tell him that since he's came out that he's began to act better-than-you in every way.
Gay people are glamorized today and, with that, comes a sense of obligation. He feels that now you know he's gay that he deserves some sort of special treatment. This is the truth and the more you're around gay men and women, the more you will see this as true.
Nobody likes to be rubbed on by someone they don't have feelings for in any way. Nobody likes the activity to continue after they've asked for it to please stop. He is being completely disrespectful.
You need to cut your friend out. He isn't a friend, he's a prick. Before you cut him out though, you need to confront him about your issues with his behavior. Be blunt and truthful. There is no point in sparing feelings.
Let him know that you feel it's fine that he's gay but you don't think it means he has any extra rights than you do. Let him know it is COMPLETELY unacceptable to be rubbing on your leg regardless if he's straight or gay. Explain to him that it is invading your personal space and is extremely disrespectful. Tell him outright that you do not like it and never did--that the behavior is simply CREEPY.
Next, tell him, straight-up, that you don't appreciate being belittled because you are a straight female. By him saying he can make Cole straight, he is telling you to your face that you aren't worth two glances at by a male. TELL HIM THIS. Men and women are suppose to be with each other--if anything, your gay friend should be feeling unwanted by males, not him feeling like YOU (the female) are unwanted by males.
You are just as much human as he is. Truth be told, he probably isn't as hot as he thinks he is. Like I said, with homosexuality being glamorized by the media now, gay men and women develop a strange sense of entitlement.
I am not for violence so please do not pressure anyone to hurt this gay person; however, you definately need to confront him face-to-face before kicking him to curb. There is no sense in having a friend that is that disrespectful of your body and your feelings. If he is beaten-up for being an asshole then it isn't your fault and it isn't simply because he's gay--it's because he thinks he's owed something special for being gay.
Think of it this way: if he was a straight, FEMALE friend, would this behavior be acceptable? No, it wouldn't, and you would still have to confront her about the disrespectful behavior before moving on to better friends. This guy is a loser.
You simply don't deserve this. He's making you look bad so he makes himself feel better. He thinks he's higher than you in life.
Tell him to his face the truth of the situation without sparing feelings or details. Show him you are MAD and HURT. Scream and cry is you have to get through to him that way. He needs to know right now. He needs to know that you're worth just as much as he is and that you have feelings too. You can, of course, tell him that his secret is safe with you but not to turn to you for "help" anymore. Cut off communication after you confront him and let that be that.
He isn't going to magically change because he's fed the same media-bullshit you are. He thinks being gay is oh-so-wonderful inside but pretends it isn't outside so people will feel sorry for him. Seriously. Take a good look around you and you'll see what I mean. Jeffrey Starr is a big hit and he's flamboyantly gay. Will and Grace was a huge show and the main characters are wonderfully gay. Ellen Degeneres has her own TV show and is a big star now because she's out and gay (seriously, what does she EVER do well?). Gay people know that being gay is not "scary" and "hard" because they aren't told that, they're told that it's glamorous, unique, and desirable--that's why there are more and more gay people every day.
I hope you confront your friend soon and all goes well. If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
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Katie: what exactly are you telling him? Because whatever you're telling him is clearly not getting through to him. And also, ask as to why he rubs your leg, because that's just weird... he knows that he's gay, so why bother??? And it's a violation of personal space, so he needs to stop that now. So when he does it again, tell him to stop.
I think that now is the time that you should talk to Cole about it and see what he thinks. And also ask what feelings your friend has for Cole, because then, you can tell whether he's really joking or really liking him for real.
Considering that Cole said that he's yours, I think that the next step is to maybe... date him? That is, if you're ready for that and it will definitely make your friend understand. But I can tell you right now that if you do date Cole, your friend will not like it one bit and I get the feeling that he will react in two different ways:
1) Have a argument with you.
2) Withdraw and not speak to anyone for a period of time.
I don't like the idea of people beating up somebody because they're hitting on you, that's just not... fair on them. So try and avoid that. Being gay isn't easy, because society will frown upon you and will be treated... differently by others and you run the risk of being rejected by some social groups a lot more often.
Now, I would also like to point out that your friend only recently came out and it will take him a period of time to adjust to the fact that he can now show his feelings openly about another guy in public without the fear of being caught and being discriminated by others. So keep that in mind.
I hope this helped,
triquetra
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