ask triquetra



read advice get advice make favorite read feedback advicenators



I'm closing my account after being on this site for longer than I can remember right now.

I would like to say thank you to all the columnists that I've met through this site, may your hearts of gold continue to shine through this site.

My reason is simple: I no longer feel I have a use for it anymore. I once was a person who couldn't help other people because of certain difficult situations in my past, but all that has now changed. This site allowed me to be who I really was and for that I'm so grateful for that. It played a very important role in my life and I'll never forget it!

The questions which I answered allowed me to reflect on my life and where it was going, and gave me the opportunity to really appreciate the life that I have, which I'm now living with open arms.

I wish you well for the future,
Triquetra....signing off for the last time.


Member Since: November 24, 2007
Answers: 577
Last Update: December 1, 2010
Visitors: 21245


Favorite Columnists
Razhie
ciao77
DangerNerd
karenR
Ignatz
The_MoUsY_spell_checker
advicenator_admin
Cux
masterclinic
asknava
Erinn_the_bamf
more...
14/f
this year has been the worst/best year of my life.
its been the worst year of my life because my step dad went to jail got out was getting better from drugs, got his bond revoked.we got evicted.my (brothers dad considered my real dad)dad moved away.moved back.my brothers got something wrong with him (like adhd or something) i lost my job that i absolutely loved where i got to meet some of the best people you could ever meet. and then one of the guys who basicly became family died.:'(
all my mom & (not real dad)dads friends keep dying or getting sick.And my real dad keeps coming in and out of my life,now i havent talked to him in about 5 years. i was about one when he first left and ive only talked to him for about 2 years of my life. when i need him the most he isnt there but when i dont need him he shows up.

the best part of my life is my b/f.he has been amazing and hes the only reason i havent screwed my life up. (cutting,partying,smoking,etc.)
but lately ive been SO stressed thinking about it all,getting in some trouble at home and school,crying for no reason,starting fights and ending them because i dont want to fight anymore.

i want to relax so bad. but i dont know how.i try to stop thinking about it so i can relax but its always on my mind even when im trying to forget it, every little thing helps it come back too.

the only time i find myself not thinking about it is when im in my boyfriends arms and all i can think about is me & him.:'( and i know he is tired of hearing me cry and being upset. and i cant be in his arms and forget about it all, all the time.
What can i do to relax?
something to calm my nerves?
Something to make me not start fights between me and my boyfriend? I dont want to cry anymore. and i dont want him to hear me cry anymore. what should i do?
I dont think i can handle this all.im only fourteen.no one should have to go through this.and i know there are kids out there going through worse. its horrible.i hate it.

What should i do?
sorry this is so long. thanks in advance.
~*~Michelle~*~ (link)
I would try simple meditation if i were you. Go somewhere where you won't be disturbed for around twenty minutes. Sit with your back upright in a chair, with your feet around six inches apart. place your hands on your lap and close your eyes. Clear your mind till it's empty, concerntrate only on the silence around you, let it penertrate your mind and clear it. Take deep breaths and each time you exhale, imgaine all of your fears and worries leaving you.
If you party often, take a break for a while and get into a routine. Your bodies been so excited from the parties that it doesn't know when to relax so it's uptight all the time. Get up early, have three solid meals and go to bed early, this way, your body and mind will relax.

I hope this helps.


i like this guy and i liked him for like 6 months and i still haven made a move yet.and all my friends keep telling me that i should ask him out since he already know that i like him.but the only probaly that got me confuse is that there's this girl thats invole.see he likes her and she likes him and she also likes this other guy,
as a matter of fact she likes both of them.and the reason why i dont want to ask my crush out is becasue he likes another girl,but what drives me crazy is that the girl that he likes be all over the other boy.everytime i see them in the hallways they be all on eachother kissing and stuff.and my crush likes her but they never be talking much like they do a little but no as much as her and the other boy.and im just confuse with the whole thing and im sorry if this sounds confusing.but i really need to know what should i do. (link)
So your boyfriend has a crush on another gril who's got a crush on him and another boy but you don't want to ask him out because you're afriad that he'll regect you for the other girl? Boy that is confusing!!!
Ask the girl to decide as to whom she likes and if she asks you why, you know the answer to that one. She cannopt have two boys drooling over her whilst you are on the sidelines waiting to see if she regects your crush or she accepts him and regects the other one. She cannot steal two boys hearts just to break one of them. Remind her of this.

Hope this helps.


Okay, me & this guy have been friends for a while. Around the end of April we started talking I guess, but we weren't dating or anything. I ended up falling for him pretty hard & I guess I can say I'm in love with him. We were talking until the end of September. He left for basic training then, but last week he sent me a letter. Here's parts of it:

"Hey, I got your letter and your pretty pictures. Thanks. I really like them... You don't have to spend every waking day of Christmas week with me, but I do want to see you. Don't take that the wrong way either because I really don't care if you were at my house everyday I'm home. That would actually be cool, I want you there. I just don't want you to get tired of me. I don't know why you would, you haven't seen me in a while and you said it yourself you miss me. I miss you too though so its okay. One more thing, you can think I was trying to be funny when I said I luz ya, but I really do have love for you because I believe you would do anything you could do for me. I could always tell you had feelings for me and I'm sorry for always ignoring them. Anyways, I just wanted you to know that. I need to go now, write me back soon. Love you"

I'm not really sure what he's trying to say; if he's saying he likes me or what. It's hard to tell! But if anyone can help me out, I'd appreciate it a lot. Thanks guys. :) (link)
Hang out with each other and make your own judgement. What really matters is what comes from your heart, not what other people say. Trust your instincts, listen to your gut feeling and act it out, what you feel about this guy is more important than words on a screen telling you what to do.

Good luck with the future,
triquetra


He stares at me sometimes, and is one of my rlly good guy friends. People have told me that he likes me but he hasn't rlly actually told that he did. I don't know what i think... The problem is that he is one of the "popular" guys and in order to like someone, he must like some "popular" girl, I'm not a popular girl which makes me think he definately doesn't like me... Does he like? do i ask him? what should i do?! (link)
You know what i hate? I hate people you think that they're only good enough for the 'best of the best'. Don't ever let ranking in a school stop you from being with the guy that you love and never feel as if you're not worthy of that boy. Don't let somebody else make out with the guy whom you've got your eyes set on.
If another girl tells you to push off, remeber that you are just the same as her and as good has her and you're worthy of any guy. Pluck up the courage to ask him out, you're not a lower species waiting to be trodden on by some other girl who's more popluar than others and taking love away.

I hope this works.


I started talking to this ridiculously sweet guy a few months ago. I absolutely love being around him and every time i'm with him i find myself smiling and laughing. I love being with him! We talked about dating, and we both said that we REALLLLLY like each other, but he nor i want a commitment.
As time goes on, i want a commitment with him, and i know he has a lot going on and that he doesn't want one.
is there anything i can do to help him? not to like.. pressure him into dating me, but feel more comfortable around me.
it pretty much feels like we're dating, but we're not. (link)
You should take things slowly at first. Don't rush into anything that could make your life complicated. When he's ready to start a relationship, he will let you know and your relationship will be a success. Don't do anything that he doens't want to do yet, just let him take his time and things will begin to happen.

Good luck for the future


Now, I don't mean to sound like one of those whiny, overdramatic, angsty teenagers, but lately everything is well...sucky. It's my senior year of school and I'm having like noo fun. Well my best friend that I'm like with all the time got a new boyfriend, and well she is ALWAYS over his apartment, and when shes not around him, thats all she talks about. It's not that I feel left out, its just I envy her. I can tell they really love each other, and I just want what they have. I don't have even any guys lined up at all, and I guess its just taken a real affect on me. I'm always moody, gotten pretty close to the color black, and started listening to hardcore "emo" music. Not to mention, I haven't been eating at all lately. It's not on purpose, I just don't have any interest in doing anything anymore. I just never seem to be happy... (link)
If you envy what your friend has, then try and find the love which she has. Don't try and shut out what is happening because that will make things worse. Ask your her how she managed to find love and when she knew that she was in love. You might not even know it, but you could be in love as well, but it's just not apparent yet. Hang out with your friend and you could meet the man of your dreams.
But about the "emo" music, there's nothing wrong about it, it's just that things could turn out different to the way you wanted it to be, your attitude could not be helping with the fact as well. Don't feel sorry for yourself that nobody's come up to you yet; love takes time and when your time comes to love, then you shall know.

Good luck in the future


How do you help sumone grieving or preparing to say good bye to a loved one. My bff just lost a girl she used to know at her school and its been really hard for her. I keep telling her its ok and to let herself grieve but then heal and help her school heal cause they are all grieving. and telling her all of our prayers are here and stuff. i think shes getting to be ok. but now my bgf who well we both love each other romantically but arent dating yet. but we are close enough we practically are. anyways he just told me they are going to see his uncle and say bye cause he has stage 4 cancer and its getting pretty serious. he almost never shows a lot of emotion but today he just wanted to talk. sumtimes we didnt even say anything he just wanted me there for him. and i understood but it hurt me so much too to know he was in so much pain and i wasnt actually there. anyways i think im gonna see him this weekend. but he was almost crying and thats HUGE for him. i was there for him and i felt like that was pretty much all i could do but i wish i could do more. i really do. i told him my prayers were with him. we are both strong Christians. and my bff said to tell him her prayers were with him too but i want to help him MORE. i think i should really try to hang out with him this weekend because then im really even more so THERE. we dont go to the same school but we talk like everyday now. any ideas to say sumthing or do sumthing to help him> when i see him im gonna look at him and tell him everything happens for a reason and hug him. sumthing i cant do on the phone. :) thanks so much this advice is really appreciated and i will rate everyone for helping me :) (link)
You're doing exactly what you should be doing: helping your friends through the pain which they're experiancing and telling them that everything will be okay. Listen to them and consolodate them.
Be there for your friend during the weekend if he wants you to be there. Stay and talk with him. Losing somebody close to you can be heart renching and you just need to be reminded of the happy times you spent together. Talk to him about those happy times and get him to relish in them. Do this with your other friend as well.

Good luck with the future


hi im 15 years old
i like this guy who is 17 and have liked him since the beginning of the school year. he liked me too and we made out and hungout alot, but then one time i got drunk and hooked up with one of his bestfriends subconsciously. and we kept getting in fights but still liked each other. but the thing is a couple weeks ago i had a party and i walked in on my best friend and him making out (both drunk) she apologized later on and i forgave her but i told her to back off. she now is really good friends with him and they both like each ohter and i will not speak to her bc i think wat she did was really shady. wat should i do? bc im going to a party this weekend with them together and i know it will bother me and i will end up having a horrible night! (link)
If you hooked up with one for his bestfriends and then he hooks up with your bestfreind, is sounds a bit like pay back to me. You were both drunk and they were both druck doesn't sound like a concidence at all. If it is just alittle bit of pay back, fine. But if it isn't, ask him who he wants to choose otherwise, you or your friend could have you heart broken because you both want the same guy, yet you can't both have him, he has to choose.

Good luck for the future


ok I have been talking to a guy for a month now. We talk on the phone or text everyday and every weekend he is usually with me. Technically we arent dating but we are. A few weeks ago we was riding around and he was holding my hand he told me that means something if he was doing that. When I leave when I am with him we always hug and kiss each other. He sometimes get in these moods and I call or he says I will call you back in 5 mins...he fianlly calls back 3 hours later. Is that normal for a guy? And do you see us being a couple with time? I mean he has kissed and cuddled on me in front of his friends and one time on the way to his friends house he was on the phone with him and said he had his girl with him. And he also said he needs a picture of me to put in his car. So whats his deal? (link)
If he's calling you his girlfriend, then i shouldn't worry the relationship but if you still have doubts, go and ask him whether this is just for show or whether it is for real. Because if it is real, ask him why he doesn't call back when he says he will in the specified time.
If it is just to show off, then there will be a lot of heart break, if he needs a picture of you in his car then there could be two reason for it:
a) It could be to show off to his friends.
b) It that he can look and think of you in the car.
Plus, it is abosolutly cruel for him to be acting this out and you should point that out to him so he knows how you feel about this. You want a serious relationship whilst he could want it just to show off.

Goof luck for the future for the both of you.


i still like my ex, when we were going out it was so awkward cuz we didnt really know eavhother but now that weve broken up weve gotten really close and i think we both still have feelings for eachother but are afraid to admit it. How do i do it first even though im the girl? And what do i say if he doesnt like me back or gets freaked out. What do i say to tell him i still like him?
HELP (link)
You need to ask him directly how he feels for you. Tell him how you feel about him and ask whether you share the same feelings for one and another. Don't put preasure on him. Ask him to think about it for a while but if he's got a deffinite answer and says yes, the start the realtionship again.
If not...well, this is an area which i'd like to avoid. But just say that you two can still be friends and if he changes his mind, be ready to accept him for this could happen when you least expect it.

Good Luck!


14 male and shes 15 female

Ok well we use to be right in love untill she dumped me for alot of reasons. The she wanted me back but I was at the movies with her and I drank some it made her angry with me. Then that night i got supper drunk and wanted to cover it up and my sister helped me, bad idea I know. Anyway she liked me again and then that night my little sister came and told her the truth, not really a bad thing but it completly messed it up. Anyways then one of my freinds dies and I was going through a rough time and my best freind Jake is talking it even worse, even though he didnt know him that well but kindoff well. Anyways for the past week I have been stuck trying to help my best freind and help things with her too. And today I was getting picked on by my freinds and they took my hat outta my bag and she called me up and was like "i know who has your hat" and all this shit. She said she was trying to be flirty, but I was a real jerk I called her relly pathetic and imature, I was supper pissed and I barely get made over anything. So here comes my question. How do I show her I can be the guy she wants to be with the rest of her life? like in her msn she put "thoughts are very beutiful things but actions speak louder incase you havent heard" or something like that. But I want to make her show im willing to do any and everything to be with her, so what are some sweet things I can do to show her this? She also thinks im fruity to, but I dont know, I just need some sweet things to say and do. But she is hard to convince like really hard she is not going to accept bull shit! but she has told me maybe 5 times she is moving on but everytime I screw up she says im done or something like that:s But I just think that is her secret way of saying "I really want to be with you, I just really need you to try harder for me" (link)
I would show her your good side for starters, like taking her out on dates or sending her flowers, something from the heart.
In the process, i would try and get my priorities straight, if your really, really want to be the love of her life then some serious attitude changes are in order and one of them would be this drinking. Try and cut down big time because if you're getting drunk at 14, then imagine what you'll be like when your 25. Scary to think about, isn't it?
Speaking of your age, doesn't it in the least bit bother you that you've got a girlfriend at 14, a time where you're learning about who you want to be and what you want to do. Give the relationship a tiny little break and in that break, think about whether you want to have a girlfriend yet or not. I know this may sound very 'motherly' and what not but seriously, think about. Don't waste the most important points of your life over a relationship, it should be at school and developing who you are.

Good luck for the future


ok so i have been really good friends with this girl for about a month n then we started dating, and we dated for a little less then a week n then she told me that we would be better off as friend, n she dident tell me the reason, but then i found out the reason is that she is moving. so about a week later she starts to go out with my good friend, and now they have been going out for about 2 weeks. I still have very strong feelings for the girl and she claims to love me still but i really dont no wat to do because i still have feelings for her but i dont no wat to do (link)
So, she only stopped going out with you because she moved and thenshe dates somebosy else? That doesn't seem right to me. Why should that affect your relationship with her when she just moves away? I mean you two could stay in contact with each other over the phone or see each other from time to time because it is very plain that you still love her and she 'claims' to love you. So, ask her what her exact feelings are and ask her whether she really does love you or whether she's playing a really horrible trick.
It could be because if things to work out with your friend and her, then she can come back to you. This should never happen and you must make that plain to her if this is the case. Tell her that it is cruel for her to keep 'playing' with you and that she should make a decision as to whom she chooses. If she chooses you, then a fight between you and your friend could erupt so you should word it carefully.

I hope your relationship works out between you, your 'ex-girlfriend' and your friend.


me and my mom just got in this huge fight i actually cant stand her i cant evne be around her anymore we have been fighting for the last 3 years. She tells me all the time to leave but the thing is she has custidy of me im now 18 and i can go whereever but i dotn have any money to go anywhere. I just talked to my father today he said if worst comes to worst i can stay with him and he also has a car for me but i need to pay the insurance and get tags for the car plates i was just wondering how much that would cost so i can go get the car which would be my first step and then go find a cheap apt. Some one please help my life is like a living hell (link)
I had a fight with my mum once, and i even said (out of anger) that i wouldn't be coming home for any weekedns (i board at school). But we spoke to each other and listened to one another and we resolved the issues.
Now, i don't know what you've been agruing about for 3 years or whether it is different things but you shouldn't just feel hatred towards her. You should be glad that she's trying to give you advice, and trying to help you and you must certainly never slam the door in her face (figurativly speaking), but listern to what she has to say, think about it and then act.
If this doens't work, then i would advise that you ask her to sit down with you, and you two and have a 'mother to son' conversation and try to work out your issues without arguing. And then be a loving son to her, what i mean is spend some quality time with her. Like going out shoping with her, play board games or watch films which you both enjoy and talk to her more often. Xmas is coming soon, so go an buy her something special and something from the heart and tell her how much you really love her.

Listening is the key to solving this, not shouting at each other and leave.

I really to hope this helps. Good luck for the future.


ok so this is my problem...i am scared of swimming in the ocean or a lake...i can swim perfectly in a public pool...but im always scared about the ocean on lake because they go so deep and dark and im always scared something will come and grab me (little kid fanstasy, and i stil havnt forgotten) anyway, i can never go in past my waist, because then it starts getting really deep and stuff and also if even like a piece of seaweed touches my foot i completly freak out, i dont want to have this problem, because i live right next door to an ocean, so my parents wont always drive me to a public pool. how can i fix this phobia?? i dont want to always be scared of the water...i can swim perfectly, and i love swimming...what can i dooo????
thanx in advance, and sorry this is long... (link)
The first thing to do is to identify what caused your phobia in the first place. Was it a film which caused it (e.g. Jaws?)? A childhood memory which involved water? Many things can effect what we do in life, some things more than others.
Once you've identified what caused the phobia, try and face it. You cannot get rid of fear, it's a part of us and we must face it mentally and physically. You must tell yourself over and over in you mind that you can conquor your fear and guess what? Your confidence will begin to grow and your fear will become a thing of the past.

I hope this helps.


My teacher is very annoying. One day, as soon as i came into the classroom, my teacher gave us cards and then she told us to go to the back of the room. If the card had a gold star, we would go into the front row. Anything without a star on it had to sit in the back. She said that the back row would get lower grades on their tests and they couldnt run (or vote ) for class presdient. So i got very mad. What should i do? (link)
You know what you should do? Prove your teacher wrong. If you sit in the back row often, try and find ways in which you can imporve your grades (such as revision cards, mind maps etc.) and get the grades which you deserve.
If your friends or people whom you get on with sit in the back often, try and help them out. Ask them what they do when they revise, and help them by intoducing the ways you revise to them and see if it helps them. Also, if your school has Learning Support, surgest that they go and ask how can they get better grades and they will get help. There's nothing to ashamed of if you have Learning Support.

Never ever feel down when the teacher says this, always try and find ways in which you (or your friends)can get better grades.

Good luck


Ok, so I know you've probably heard it all before.... but I've liked this guy for the past year (I'm female sophomore now, 15 years old) and we really didn't talk much last year. This year, we have the same lunch/studyhall and two other classes together. Well,we both go to the school library during the lunch/studyhall and i usually sit with my friends and he sits with his friends. For a while, i would go and sit at his table, but lately, hes been sitting at my table with me and my friends. Hes not the most intelligent person, but hes really sweet and really funny, and i like him a lot because he's always trying to make me laugh and goof around. According to everyone else that's in classes with him, he's really quiet and doesn't talk much, which is how he was last year around me. But now whenever he's around me, he's really loud and funny. So, since we've been talking more, I decided to try and ask him out to a movie. I decided to tell my friends that i would start talking about a movie that i knew me and my guy friend both wanted to see, and that i would say that none of my other friends wanted to see it, and my friends would agree. So i did that, and he was like, "well, I'm going to go see the movie".... so i said to him, "well, we should go see it together" and he agreed, "yea that would be great." So we made plans to go see the movie Hitman next weekend. And during our literature class we were talking about how one character in our book might have hired his servants to kill someone, and then my friend said, oh, you mean like a hitman? and i looked at him and smiled at me, which is something he doesn't usually do to anyone. And hes told me a lot about his family and stuff, and he even gave me two CDs of my favorite band so i could make copies for myself. The only reason why he sits at my table is because of me, I know that, because none of my friends really like him that much. He actually doesn't have any friends who are girls, and hes not very social. I'm just not sure if us going to the movies is considered a date or not, because I am not sure if he likes me. (link)
I think he likes you and there are some certain points which i wish to bring to your attention which you probably didn't think of before.
You say that he made small gestures towards you which put you above others. He smiled at you - something which he'd not given to anybody else. He lent you CD's of your favorite band so that you could copy the songs for your own use. He even began to open up to you such as laughing and telling jokes and these could be indicators that he really really likes you. He even agreed in going out and if somebosy else had asked him, he might've said no and closed up even more.

Don't let doubt cloud you judgement, just follow your instincts and see how things pan out. Remember: everthing happens for a reason and this reason could be that you two are meant to be together. Keep that in mind, just don't over push it.


for a while now I have been very antisocial when im in groups. Ill have a really good conversation about the same thing with a bunch of people. But i cant carry on a conversation very well. Im silent lately and i dont know why. When i do say things i sound like an idiot or ill say something stupid. I can think something in my head but it'll come out completely wrong and dumb. Why does this happen and how do i stop it and improve my social skills with anyone.Im not comfortable around people anymore I want to be though (link)
I sometimes get this myself you know. When you think of something to say, you usually think of the outcome of what you say and it's a positive response. But sometimes the outcome of what we say can go quite in a different direction and people could say "What do you mean?" or "That's stupid". Just take your time as to what you want to say and say it in a way which will be understanding to the people your talking to and in a way which makes you confident to continue on.
This really isn't anit - social, it's just that you're nervous as to what you're going to say next and hoping that is dosen't sound stupid.

There is a book called 'The Art of Small Talk' by Debra Fine and it gives lots of hints about what you can say which makes you feel comfortable in people's presense

I hope this helps.




read advice get advice make favorite read feedback advicenators


eXTReMe Tracker