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abused by bf,
i have been dating my bf for almost 3 yrs. we have a long history with a lot of pain inbetween. he has left me to date around for a few months, when we got back together the abuse started. hitting me, puncing,kicking,grabbed at screamed at, cursed at. there have been a few incidents of this severe abuse. we tried to patch things up. and it worked for awhile. now it seems like if i dont do something he wants or if he gets mad at me, he will jab me in the ribs with his fingers, or dig his nails in my skin, etc. he is cursing at me again. i feel like im hitting rock bottom. i feel so depressed, i know its time to leave him..but i love him and i wish it would all just stop :(
i see him all day every day. im his way to college. we both attend a local college. and it feels like i need him in my life. i have helped hiim so much , im so happy hes goinhg to college and i dont want him to fall on his face because he has no way to get there if i leave him.
i feel like im trapped with him un til i transfer colleges in a year. i feel like i dont want to deal with him stalking me. i just wish we could work out together, i love him so much. but enduring the abuse is seriously taking a big toll on me. i feel worthless at night. the affection is dying, and i feel like crap all the time. i cry myself to sleep. i am so hurt by the way im treated.
im also angry at myself for letting it get so far. now i feel like im in way over my head and that i have to put up with it. i dont want to live an unhappy life..are we beyond repair?
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Baby girl let me give you advice from a broken girl who was abused for 6 months but recovered with knowledge & pride now today.
Now when I say 6 months... it doesn't seem like a long time compared to you, but pain is pain. It hurts. & Your hurting severely mentally & physically. I know. Ive been there. It feels like there's no way out. No answers. Your to blame. No help. Helpless. Worthless. But honey... your not worthless & your not superman.
A) YOUR NOT WORTHLESS because you are living for a reason. You can't put your finger on what reason yet. But there's a reason. You can totally turn things around if you be *brave* & *trust yourself* to walk away. You need to be healthy again because your wounded emotionally & physically currently. There's a way out. Just walk away from him, your relationship, his situations, your history with him & lose contact with him completely. If your scared of him getting hurt... simply just dont care. Listin sweetie. He doesn't care about you. He doesn't love you. He has a problem. You can't fix it. & Hopefully someday he or a therapist can fix it for himself. He doesn't care. Therefore you need to flip the switch on your attitude and don't care back. I'm sure your a sweet girl & you don't want to hurt him. But he's hurt you long enough. The fact that he hurt you is sickening. And if he doesn't care about you like it seems then I'm sure he wont care if you leave. If he even misses you, I'm sure it's just because you were the best thing to him. But he's not the best for you. Trust me. There will be someone out there within time that will take time to show he cares, to comfort you, to take care of you...basically just show you everything this abusive boyfriend has not. Don't be scared of leaving him. Think of it as a new adventure as corny as that sounds. You need to find happiness in other corners. And if you can find the courage & strength to walk away from your current boyfriend and you DO find happiness somewhere else and if by chance he does come back. Do not let him back into your life. He is a disease you do not want to get again.
B) YOU ARE NOT SUPERMAN. I say that because if he's doing all these horrible things to you and your thinking suicide is the only way out of this life struggle you do not owe him any favors and be his hero. I don't care if your supporting his college & your proud he's doing well in college or whatever. I'm sure he doesn't give a $h!t what makes you happy unless its sexually but maybe not even then.
With my abusive boyfriend I helped him in all of his failing classes in HS and I got no thank yous except him almost murdering me and a permanent indent in my leg as a present. He ended up dropping out of HS without me and I don't give a crap. If anything bad happened to him I wouldn't shead a tear now. As afraid as I was to call for help, I did to my friends, they told me to get away from him. But I refused to because I thought I was in love. I lost so many respect from my friends & had to regain their trust because they got tired of giving me helpful advice that I wouldn't take. I became so distant with the world & my only friend it felt like was the voice in my head. I broke my parents hearts when I stopped talking completely & only to my abusive boyfriend. It hurt them the most when they saw me in the kitchen with a butcher knife ready to end my life. Looking at my mothers tears racing down her face in plead of an alternative when suddenly my father took away the knife & called up my boyfriend & said stay away from my daughter you almost took away her life! I suddenly had emotion that night for the first time when before for months i was emotionless. I cried in my parents arms & for the first time i realized that boy was not good for me. I woke up the next morning treasuring that I woke up on earth and thought "omg I could of been dead right now". I stopped talking to that boy. Yes he calls every now & then but I pay him no mind. I look back at my past with him & cry every single time. I can't think of one happy memory. Even if I could compare one happy memory from him... it wouldn't compare on the scale to some of the things i treasure & have accomplished now.
I am a successful actress, singer, dancer, model with all the support from my friends & parents and am now with a wonderful new boyfriend of practically 3 years. I can define love now. I'm constantly laughing, smiling, and happy. I want to help others like yourself how to see that there is an alternative to your life if your accepting that change & can learn to walk out.
For right now I seriously recommend you do this even if it sounds silly... it will change the way you think. The mind is a powerful thing. What I want you to do is write down all the people you treasure in your life, write down all the things you love about yourself, write down every single detail you think is the perfect guy, write down all of YOUR dreams and ambitions, and last write down how you plan to change things to make your dreams come true. The mind is a powerful thing. Don't worry about the perfect man right now. He'll come around within time. But I can tell you one thing this perfect man is NOT your current abusive boyfriend.
You have all of my sympathy & all of my help if you need anything. You CAN get through this. Don't doubt yourself. Think positive. Everythings going to be okay if you let it.
If you want to give me feedback on questions or concerns please do so.
I hope I helped!
Sarah
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Short answer: Yes, I think that now is beyond the "point-of-no-return".
You need to move out, and as soon as possible. But before that, I think that you should give him an ultimatum: tell him that if this time round doesn't work, then the relationship should end. No ifs or Buts, enough is enough and if you don't start to stand up for yourself, then he can just continue to tread all over you.
You've done so much for him, and you've loved him. But for him not to return that kindness and love back is horrible and selfish. Personally, I would let him fall back down. He used you as a ladder to get back up again, but he continued to treat you in such as way that you can no longer support him and so to break away will be a good way to give him a good wake up call. Nobody should have to live the way that you do, so it's now time to break away from it all and have the happy life that you were supposed to live.
Go and live with friends or family who live near by or far away. A year is too long to wait to get away from him. Wait and see how the ultimatum plays out, and then take the next steps after that.
Good luck with the future,
triquetra
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i want you to look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself if you are/look like a happy girl, he isnt the only one abusing you,, your abusing yourself by staying with him, First and formost, never let a man touch you,EVER if he touches you, you touch him back
Look at you, you sound miserable only writing this down i wonder how you look... You deserve so much better than this, you dont need to be going through all this pain,Who cares about him, When he hits you does he care for you? so why should you for him, and about the college issue, Your not always going to be there for him, do you honestly think your going to marry somone like that? no,im pretty sure you dont want to, im pretty sure you want a man thats going to treat you right, even if you love this man you should leave him because all the pain needs to stop, and it needs to stop NOW
Its his life, let him figure it out for himself you arent his mother, your his girlfriend.
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I know exactly how you feel. I am in a relationship that is abusive at times as well. I am a 20 year old female and my girlfriend has pushed and shoved me, punched me in the face, threw things at me, yelled, screamed, the whole 9 yards. It sounds to me like it happens to you more often tho. I really sympathize with you. Does your boyfriend ever apologize after he does this? If not then he clearly has no remorse and doesnt think he's doing anything wrong and doesnt repesct or love you. If he does, there is a chance things might change one day. Im not going to sit here and tell you you need to leave him right now because trust me I know how much that is easier said than done. What I will tell you is follow your heart. Nobody deserves what you are going thru but you are the only one in the relationship who knows what its like on the inside. And dont let the fact that you are his way to school keep you around. If he doesnt care enough about you to not abuse you then you shouldnt put that burden on your shoulders. If he wants to be in school enough he will find a way with or without you. Three years is a long time, I know. Ive been with my girlfriend for almost 2 but I was with someone for 3 years before that. Its hard to even imagine being without that person. But chances are you will never be truly happy if your going thru this day in and day out. And you must know that there is someone out there who will love you and respect you 100x more than your current guy.
If you really want to be with this guy, maybe you should try scaring him into seeing what life is like with out you. Next time he does this to you, tell him you cant live like that and leave. That might show him what an ass he is and change him. If it has no effect on him, that should show you that your the only one with the reall feelings here.
I know that this answer is all kind of out of order but I have so many thoughts running thru my head at this point its hard to get them down right. Just know that your not the only one and you do deserve better. The question is if your willing to cause yourself a little bit of heart ache in order to find the better. If you ever need someone to talk to I can give you my email and you can email me anytime. I wish you the best and I hope things work out for the best.
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I just got out of a 5 year abusive relationship 5 months ago. TRUST ME, The longer you stay with him the more and more he will try and do everything to bring you down. You need to get out of the relationship right away. Don't let him think he can get away with this, because you are worth SO much more than that. You are better off without this Guy. Who cares if he falls on his face because you aren't around, Frankly, After what you wrote I hope he does fall on his face for what he has done too you. Girl, It's time to move on and end this relationship. He's not worth crying over trust me. I know it hurts now but once you end it and get out of an abusive relationship you will realize he can't hurt you anymore. Go to the police report him for it, You don't want to see someone eles go through what you've been through. Don't be angry at yourself it's NOT you're fault. If you decide to let him go, Bring a friend along.
You can do it, I believe in you
BahaiMa22
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you've been TORTURED for 3 years. aren't you sick of it? you have to know that you dont love him. you don't know what love is because you've been with the same man for 3 years and you've grown to think that this is what love is. well ITS NOT, IT'S FAR FROM IT. if you think that this is a situation that can be resolved and he'll love you then you're wrong.sorry but i'm gonna be honest because you, my dear, deserve better. you are attending college, you're young, you'll find someone. he's not your last option, as a matter of fact he should be any one's option.
why be in a "relationship" with him when he treats you like you're nothing? THERE ARE PLENTY OF AMAZING MEN OUT THERE THAT WILL LOVE YOU AND WILL CARE FOR YOU AND WON'T GET MAD AT YOU. WHY NOT HAVE THAT? WHY NOT BE IN LOVE WITH ONE OF THEM? you think you love him but you don't. in reality, you think it's love because you've been with him for 3 years and you know nothing more than how he treats you. there are guys out there that take you out to dinner, help you, take care of you when you're sick, and if you do something wrong, they try to help you fix it. he's nothing compared to these guys so LEAVE HIM.
you are wasting your life if you expect to change someone. and if you're thinking "oh i can change him and fights only make us stronger" then you need to snap out of this dillusion. sorry. why be in a relationship with someone who fights with you constantly when you can have someone who you never fight with and who doesn't abuse and torture you? wouldn't life be better for you?
he doesn't love you, because if he did he wouldn't treat you this way. DON'T SINK INTO DEPRESSION. LIKE I SAID BEFORE THERE ARE SO MANY GUYS THAT ARE OUT THERE AND I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND MORE THAN A COUPLE THAT TREAT YOU THE WAY YOU SHOULD BE TREATED. don't settle for anything less. don't be mistreated by a fool who is too blind to see what an amazing person he has in his life.
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to answer your questions, yes you are beyond repair. i know it must be hard but the only thing you can do is GET OUT, i know you love this man but you can NOT stay in this situation and if you don't get out now, most likely you never will until he hurts you so bad you end up in the hospital and give it some time, it will happen. I know you want everything to work but the truth is its not going to the abuse may stop for a while but it will come back. nobody deserves to be treated this way i know a few women who have almost died from abuse and i know someone who has committed suicide because she waited to long and couldn't find a way out. talk to a part, friend, aunt anyone your close to thats not your boyfriend and talk with them and find a way to leave, who cares if he falls .. if he really wants to be in college then he will find away there but you shouldn't care about him there are lots of guys out there who know how to treat a women and who would never lay a finger on you, your boyfriend isnt the only guy out there, do yourself a favor and just leave him, hes not worth your trouble.
goodluck.
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