I give good advice & take the effort to give good advice if I understand the question/situation clearly.
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Gender: Female
Age: 19
Member Since: October 2, 2008
Answers: 1
Last Update: October 2, 2008
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i have been dating my bf for almost 3 yrs. we have a long history with a lot of pain inbetween. he has left me to date around for a few months, when we got back together the abuse started. hitting me, puncing,kicking,grabbed at screamed at, cursed at. there have been a few incidents of this severe abuse. we tried to patch things up. and it worked for awhile. now it seems like if i dont do something he wants or if he gets mad at me, he will jab me in the ribs with his fingers, or dig his nails in my skin, etc. he is cursing at me again. i feel like im hitting rock bottom. i feel so depressed, i know its time to leave him..but i love him and i wish it would all just stop :(
i see him all day every day. im his way to college. we both attend a local college. and it feels like i need him in my life. i have helped hiim so much , im so happy hes goinhg to college and i dont want him to fall on his face because he has no way to get there if i leave him.
i feel like im trapped with him un til i transfer colleges in a year. i feel like i dont want to deal with him stalking me. i just wish we could work out together, i love him so much. but enduring the abuse is seriously taking a big toll on me. i feel worthless at night. the affection is dying, and i feel like crap all the time. i cry myself to sleep. i am so hurt by the way im treated.
im also angry at myself for letting it get so far. now i feel like im in way over my head and that i have to put up with it. i dont want to live an unhappy life..are we beyond repair? (link)
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Baby girl let me give you advice from a broken girl who was abused for 6 months but recovered with knowledge & pride now today.
Now when I say 6 months... it doesn't seem like a long time compared to you, but pain is pain. It hurts. & Your hurting severely mentally & physically. I know. Ive been there. It feels like there's no way out. No answers. Your to blame. No help. Helpless. Worthless. But honey... your not worthless & your not superman.
A) YOUR NOT WORTHLESS because you are living for a reason. You can't put your finger on what reason yet. But there's a reason. You can totally turn things around if you be *brave* & *trust yourself* to walk away. You need to be healthy again because your wounded emotionally & physically currently. There's a way out. Just walk away from him, your relationship, his situations, your history with him & lose contact with him completely. If your scared of him getting hurt... simply just dont care. Listin sweetie. He doesn't care about you. He doesn't love you. He has a problem. You can't fix it. & Hopefully someday he or a therapist can fix it for himself. He doesn't care. Therefore you need to flip the switch on your attitude and don't care back. I'm sure your a sweet girl & you don't want to hurt him. But he's hurt you long enough. The fact that he hurt you is sickening. And if he doesn't care about you like it seems then I'm sure he wont care if you leave. If he even misses you, I'm sure it's just because you were the best thing to him. But he's not the best for you. Trust me. There will be someone out there within time that will take time to show he cares, to comfort you, to take care of you...basically just show you everything this abusive boyfriend has not. Don't be scared of leaving him. Think of it as a new adventure as corny as that sounds. You need to find happiness in other corners. And if you can find the courage & strength to walk away from your current boyfriend and you DO find happiness somewhere else and if by chance he does come back. Do not let him back into your life. He is a disease you do not want to get again.
B) YOU ARE NOT SUPERMAN. I say that because if he's doing all these horrible things to you and your thinking suicide is the only way out of this life struggle you do not owe him any favors and be his hero. I don't care if your supporting his college & your proud he's doing well in college or whatever. I'm sure he doesn't give a $h!t what makes you happy unless its sexually but maybe not even then.
With my abusive boyfriend I helped him in all of his failing classes in HS and I got no thank yous except him almost murdering me and a permanent indent in my leg as a present. He ended up dropping out of HS without me and I don't give a crap. If anything bad happened to him I wouldn't shead a tear now. As afraid as I was to call for help, I did to my friends, they told me to get away from him. But I refused to because I thought I was in love. I lost so many respect from my friends & had to regain their trust because they got tired of giving me helpful advice that I wouldn't take. I became so distant with the world & my only friend it felt like was the voice in my head. I broke my parents hearts when I stopped talking completely & only to my abusive boyfriend. It hurt them the most when they saw me in the kitchen with a butcher knife ready to end my life. Looking at my mothers tears racing down her face in plead of an alternative when suddenly my father took away the knife & called up my boyfriend & said stay away from my daughter you almost took away her life! I suddenly had emotion that night for the first time when before for months i was emotionless. I cried in my parents arms & for the first time i realized that boy was not good for me. I woke up the next morning treasuring that I woke up on earth and thought "omg I could of been dead right now". I stopped talking to that boy. Yes he calls every now & then but I pay him no mind. I look back at my past with him & cry every single time. I can't think of one happy memory. Even if I could compare one happy memory from him... it wouldn't compare on the scale to some of the things i treasure & have accomplished now.
I am a successful actress, singer, dancer, model with all the support from my friends & parents and am now with a wonderful new boyfriend of practically 3 years. I can define love now. I'm constantly laughing, smiling, and happy. I want to help others like yourself how to see that there is an alternative to your life if your accepting that change & can learn to walk out.
For right now I seriously recommend you do this even if it sounds silly... it will change the way you think. The mind is a powerful thing. What I want you to do is write down all the people you treasure in your life, write down all the things you love about yourself, write down every single detail you think is the perfect guy, write down all of YOUR dreams and ambitions, and last write down how you plan to change things to make your dreams come true. The mind is a powerful thing. Don't worry about the perfect man right now. He'll come around within time. But I can tell you one thing this perfect man is NOT your current abusive boyfriend.
You have all of my sympathy & all of my help if you need anything. You CAN get through this. Don't doubt yourself. Think positive. Everythings going to be okay if you let it.
If you want to give me feedback on questions or concerns please do so.
I hope I helped!
Sarah
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