"People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone." - Audrey Hepburn
I came to this site for advice about a man and love. That very question turned my entire world around and I have had my eyes opened to things I never noticed before.
I've stayed here so that I can share the knowledge I do have. I know I'm not changing the world but I do hope that I spark others to open their eyes.
"The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself." - Oscar Wilde
So, if you learn something from what I say then repeat it to someone else who can use it.
I hope that if you see an answer of mine that you enjoy it will inspire you to go out of your way to give good, solid information. Provide links for further information, detail your responses, encourage people to seek out professionals when it's needed, and stop sugar-coating responses and just say the truth.
I hope that even if you absolutely hate my answer that it'll kick start your brain. Hopefully you'll begin taking your time to respond instead of hurried answers that are useless to an already confused person.
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." - Robert Frost
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Location: WV / KY / ND
Occupation: Technical Account Management
Age: 24
Member Since: October 12, 2007
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Last Update: August 15, 2011
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hi. i take a bath everyday and always change my clothes. iv used a lot of deodorant brands yet still my armpits sweat. it's hard coz i can't where the clothes i like because i have dark and wet underarms. what do i do? are there any affordable products or treatments i can use? (link)
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You should see a doctor about the problem if you have tried a few different deodorants and they aren't helping. Try switching to other brands before you give up though, including the few brands I've listed below.
Some people just naturally sweat more than others. It could be a hereditary condition called hyperhidrosis, but you'd have to see a doctor for that diagnosis.
They now have the prescription strength over-the-counter formulas out there for women. Secret Clinical Strength and Certain Dri are both specifically made for this type of problem. You should check them out and follow the directions on using them as I believe they have different application instructions than other deodorants.
Also, if you don't want to be spendy with the deodorant, you could try Mitchum for women, as I've heard good things about it as well.
Here is also a good link on some tips on controlling the sweat in the meantime:
http://www.ehow.com/how_6176_control-perspiration.html
It does add this that you may want to consider:
"If you perspire even when you're relaxed and the temperature is cool, see your doctor [as] it could be a sign of an underlying health problem."
So please consider that and make a doctor's appointment right away to get checked out and make sure everything is alright.
...and this site:
http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0846/is_12_23/ai_n6125734
...has this tip:
"Use an antiperspirant with aluminum chloride, which blocks pores to inhibit the release of sweat. Try the new Soft & Dri DermaStripe..."
I wish you luck on finding a good method to controlling your perspiration.
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Me and my boyfriend had sex like a week after my period.I am 14.We used a condom and it was only for about 3 or three minutes, this past weekend we had sex for around 7-10 minutes, my cherry did pop we used a condom, and i dont think he ejaculated.and this is around the time i should be getting my period
im like 5 or six days of now and i still havent gotten it, my friends told me its normal to be late when your cherry pops because theres no blood for you to get your period. im so scared like im parnoid. ive been crying the past few days because what if im preganant?? i have cramps but no period i dont no what todo. please help me ! (link)
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First off, your friends are very confused as to what your hymen is apparently. In short, it doesn't matter if you bleed when your hymen is broken or not--your period is not affected by such. A lot of women experience late periods after losing their virginity because they begin to stress over a possible pregnancy, thus delaying the period a few days.
I'm very concerned that you're not knowledgeable of your own body and how things work so I really feel I should add in some details to help you in the future. It is really in your best interest to educate yourself as much as possible about sex (and everything that sex involves) so that you're more prepared for the many possibilities.
The hymen (or "cherry" as you are referring to it as) usually has a small hole in it as it is. A hymen is made of very thin tissue and it is fairly easy to tear or stretch. It's located at the entrance to the vagina so, actually, it isn't inside of the vagina. The hole is there to allow menstrual blood to escape the body and is usually too small to accommodate an entire penis to enter the vagina without being stretched.
If you do have vaginal intercourse and you do not completely break/tear your hymen it will stretch out and create a larger hole, just as your vagina will naturally stretch out to accommodate the penis. Some hymens are elastic enough to permit a penis to enter without tearing, or they will tear only partially, and there may be no bleeding at all.
The blood that comes out of your body during your menstruation is actually the lining of your uterus being expelled because of an unfertilized egg. Your body does this, in short, to rid itself of the waste (egg that can no longer be used). Losing your virginity has nothing to do with this part really and you should still be experiencing your regular cycle (maybe a few days off because of the stress of worry).
Engaging in sex means always taking the risk of becoming pregnant since no contraceptive is 100% effective. Obviously, you're completely aware of this fact since you are concerned over a possible pregnancy. It also puts you in a very vulnerable state for years to come.
The media is telling younger and younger generations that sexual activity makes them famous, popular, attractive, wealthy, well-liked, and feel-good. This is not true at all and if you and your partner aren't educated enough about sexual activity then it's pretty much a waste of time and can leave you with emotional insecurities.
Having sexual relations is a major thing. It puts you in a very vulnerable state. You are risking STD/STI transmission and possibly pregnancy along with emotional, physical, and mental hang-ups to develop. If something bad goes wrong then you're stuck with that feeling for your next sexual encounters.
Just because your hormones and the media are telling you to do it, it doesn't mean it's right and acceptable. If something bad happens, things get out of hand, or you catch something from the activity you cannot magically pretend it didn't happen. We should make it a special point to choose careful who we give it to.
It takes only one sperm to fertilize your one egg. They are designed to do everything possible to ensure reproduction. Your body also does just about everything it can do to make sure the sperm can successfully fulfill their duty. Because of this, you are fertile every day of your cycle, including the days you are on your period. The only time you are more fertile than usual is when you are ovulating (when the egg has been released from the ovary and begins traveling down the fallopian tubes).
Then there is always the risk of pregnancy. No matter what birth control method you use (even if you use two) it isn't going to be 100% effective on preventing pregnancy and STD/STI transmission. A baby takes a lot from a woman's body during pregnancy and if your body isn't mature enough to handle it, it can really be rough. In addition, if you don't have good support from your partner then you're left holding all of the bags. You'll have to figure out what to do with the baby, decide if you can raise it and how, and give up any future goals you have so that you can focus on the child. A baby takes 100% of your time, energy, money, and emotional support 100% of the time.
It's even tougher if you don't have a life-long partner to help share that huge responsibility. What's even scarier about that is that men and women today are just up and leaving their children with their partners to handle the responsibility all alone. This means people need to be pickier on who they reproduce with and stop sleeping with any thing that crosses their path even if they claim to love them. Making children isn't hard, it's raising them that gets complicated.
One night of sex can result in creating another life or living with a disease the rest of yours. I know many people who lost their virginity and became pregnant (or had gotten the girl pregnant) the same night. They weren't emotionally ready to have children but they made one mistake and they now have a tough road ahead of them trying to make enough money and time for their child.
Even if you think that you can have an abortion if there happens to be a pregnancy, think about the consequences of that action even. Some women suffer major depression for many years after having an abortion. There are cases of women committing suicide years after having an abortion because they couldn't deal with what they had done. Some women become infertile and can no longer have any children. Some really good men refuse to be with a woman who has had an abortion. Throwing a life away because you wanted to have some fun should be an unacceptable option.
Here are some serious facts you want to consider on pregnancy:
http://www.surebaby.com/costs.php
You risk STDs/STIs with each sexual contact. These can render you completely infertile and you won't be able to ever have children. If it doesn't do that, it could hide in you and you could end up spreading it to every partner you ever have without knowing it. Even at that, some STDs can deteriorate the brain and be so severe that they cause a long, painful death years later.
A lot of people have STDs/STIs and don't even know it. Many people don't show symptoms. This means that many mothers pass on things to their unborn babies. I'm sure none of us would like to find out 20 years from now that we had contracted HIV/AIDs and that our baby has it too now because we passed it along.
Here are some amazingly scary facts about STDs currently that you've be really surprised at:
http://www.ashastd.org/learn/learn_statistics.cfm
..and here's some photos of SOME STDs (graphic photos of mostly males, you have to click on links to choose which ones you want to see though so if you click here it isn't going to pop up a bunch of photos). It's important that you check these photos out so that you know what STDs can do to a person's body, just in case you experience problems in this area:
http://www.healthac.org/images.html
You should not be in a rush to have sex. You have plenty of years ahead of you. You're, most likely, young and should be enjoying your youth rather than trying to make major life-altering decisions. There are plenty of things to do that you can be having fun at that doesn't mean risking your health and emotional state. Obviously you're aware that you're not ready for the responsibilities of having a child so please reconsider the activities you have been engaging in.
I know what it all comes down to is that it's your life, your body, your decision, and possibly even your mistake. I am really concerned for your well-being though. It is best to keep yourself informed and well-educated. Please sit down with your partner and discuss the possible outcomes of your sexual activities together. You may also find it helpful to view the above sites with him so that you're sure he is just as informed as you are.
Now, you may want to drop by your local store (Wal-mart, various pharmacy, etc.) and pick up a pregnancy test. Since you're late by a few days you should be able to get a decent read-out from the test. If you're truly concerned (since these sort of tests can show a false negative--and no, there is no false positive) you may want to make an appointment for a pregnancy test in your local clinic.
I hope you become better informed of your body and what you've been doing with your boyfriend lately.
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does anybody know, if you have unprotected anal, can you get an infection even if you are 100% sure you and your partner are clean? we have both been tested, and i think we might soon, so i'm just looking for the facts, should he still wear a condom? or is it ok? is it ok if he cums inside me?
any information would be very helpful!
thankyou! (link)
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Anal sex is very risky and there are many dangers of participating in such activities.
Among the diseases with which anal sex is associated are HIV, anal cancer (seriously), typhoid fever, and various diseases associated with the infectious nature of fecal matter or sexual intercourse in general. Among these are: Amoebiasis; Chlamydia; Cryptosporidiosis; E. coli infections; Giardiasis; Gonorrhea; Hepatitis A; Hepatitis B; Hepatitis C; Herpes simplex; Human papillomavirus (HPV); Lymphogranuloma venereum; Pubic lice; Salmonellosis; Shigella; Syphilis; Tuberculosis. Using condoms will decrease these risks; however, they do not protect 100%.
Physical damage to the rectum and anus are serious and hemorrhoids, anal fissures, and rectal prolapse may occur. Damage is more likely if communication is poor or if technique is clumsy; condoms do not help protect against this sort of damage. Basically, if you don't know what you're doing or you end up doing something wrong by accident you may end up in the emergency room having surgery or stitches.
You need to ask yourself some questions:
Can you imagine being rushed to the emergency room? Who would take you? How embarrassed would you feel? Can you deal with paying for them to sew you back up properly? Heck, can you imagine trying to use the toilet after such an experience?
Small tears that can happen during anal sex can easily become infected. The membrane inside the rectum is VERY thin and fragile so it tears very easily. Even if there seems to be no complications the tears can be very irritating and can become inflamed later on. It doesn't matter how "gentle" your partner is, your will probably suffer some tearing and possibly even some bleeding. It can also become uncomfortable for you to pass a stool afterward.
It is also very easy to get a vaginal infection from anal intercourse if your partner enters the vagina after being in the anus. Even if he knows not to enter the vagina afterward, he may accidentally slip. The infection would be bacterial can actually do major damage to you--rendering you infertile. Really, anal sex is more likely to result in an infection than vaginal sex would.
It's also common for urinary tract infections to occur after anal sex. Yes, they are curable but they can become serious if left untreated and are, overall, rather uncomfortable to deal with. Condom usage would help your partner to avoid this complication.
Incontinence has also been reported from engaging in anal sex. Basically this means that the anal sphincter loosens up from the activity. This also means that anal leakage can become an issue for the receiving end. It also may mean the inability to completely control your bowels when needed.
I hope you become better informed before making a serious decision like this so you don't put yourself into a harmful situation.
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ok so i babysit for this 10 month old and i have been since he was about 6 months old.. and latley ive just been having these weird feelings like i want a baby of my own.. like i look at baby clothes and stuff online and i dont know why im feeling like this i think im way to young im only 16.. but i just want to know why im having these feelings? like there really strong to. (link)
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Your body is quickly maturing so a lot of hormones are rushing around. They are very intense feelings right now but you will learn to control these urges a bit as you grow.
My cousin, who was 15 at the time, really wanted to become pregnant. She talked about it constantly and how much she really desired it. I've noticed that as she's matured these urges have died down some and she isn't as centered on them. Her hormones have balanced out moreso and they aren't trying to run her body as much as they were.
Having a child a 16 can really do some major damage on your body. A baby takes a lot from your body while you're pregnant and in it's infancy. It gets all of it's nutrients from you and can deplete you of your own--which can cause you not to mature completely (stunted growth, weak bones, depression, etc).
Also, a baby takes a lot of time and energy. The baby needs 100% of you all of the time. They need all of the emotional support you can give them and, face it, you're not quite up to that yet. Try thinking about balancing child rearing, a full-time job, paying on hospital bills from delivery, and homework all in one day. You'd get so burned out quickly that you couldn't provide a decent life for the baby.
Having a baby means you're sacrificing all of you for another being. You have to alter or give up your future dreams to ensure that they will have a future. Forget having decent relationships with guys too if you're unmarried. They will know how much responsibility you hold and may even fear of getting you pregnant again; even if you stay with the guy that impregnated you he may become nervous of producing another child and there will be a lot of stress on the relationship--more reason of a break-up. The baby becomes your entire life, your world revolves around him/her.
Here are some facts you want to consider on pregnancy:
"...you thought the home pregnancy test was expensive! The costs of raising a baby to age 18 costs between $125,000-$250,000 and that's not including college tuition! In your baby's first year alone, you can easily spend between $9,000-$11,000..."
"...childcare can cost as much as $3,000-$4,500 in your baby's first year, not to mention the higher insurance premium for adding an additional person."
"Don't forget about the delivery! It easily costs between $5,000-$8,000 for a normal vaginal delivery, up to $12,000 for a cesarean delivery and much more if there are complications."
"...plan on spending between $1,600-$2,300 by the time your baby is potty-trained. Expect your baby to go through at least 7-8 diapers a day on average and spending $80-$130 a month on diapers alone (especially in the first few months, when changes are more frequent.)"
"For formula (up until your baby is one-year-old), expect to spend between $1,000-$2,300- depending on whether you use powder in a can or ready-to-pour liquids. Plan on spending at least $40 a week on infant formula."
...taken from:
http://www.surebaby.com/costs.php
It's quite impossible that you can give a child a good life at this point in your life. You need to think of raising a healthy, happy baby instead of giving into your own desires.
Think of it this way:
If you have a baby, you're being selfish when you should be doing everything you possibly can to ensure your baby grows up well. You simply are not thinking of the possible child right now--you're only thinking about you. Be selfless. Don't reproduce yet. Give your children the best you can.
Give it some time. Let your body mature and grow a few more years before decided if you are able to raise a child. It's okay to feel motherly but it isn't okay to give into your desires right now. It's nature to want to reproduce but it's best to wait right now.
So, in short, it's your hormones trying to balance out in your body still. Relax and enjoy your youth while you can. You have plenty of time to be having children when your body is more mature and you're more stable.
I hope your urges calm down and you can relax a little about the issue so you don't feel you need to jump into things.
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so.
Ive been looking on the computer and I found out I am able to download sims objects/houses ect. for the game.
I know I have to copy the file I download somewere. buut were? and how do I do so?
Im pretty much clueless so help would be great =]. (link)
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Assuming you are downloading objects for The Sims 2:
Open your folder named "My Documents" and look for a folder inside named "EA Games"--once you find that, double click it. That should open you up to another place in which you can find a folder simply named "The Sims 2"--double click that folder to open it up.
You will then see a lot of folders. Find the "Downloads" folder and double click it. This is where you are suppose to place all of the objects you download. After you download the object and open the zip file (if it is in a zip file, which most of the ones I've downloaded are) you simply drag and drop into this folder.
If I have confused you then maybe this site will make it simpler:
http://www.thesimsresource.com/article/help/Installing_Custom_Content
Assuming you're wanting to download objects for The Sims:
I'm not entirely sure as I never attempted this. I do have a link to share with you that may help you out a bit. It seems that each type of object--floor, house, skin--goes into a different type of folder.
Here is the link:
http://www.thesimsresource.com/article/Help
...just click on the link to what type of object you will be downloading and it should show you the instructions on how to do properly install it.
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can you get pregnant if your cherry hasnt been popped? (link)
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Technically it is possible.
The hymen (or "cherry" as you are referring to it as) usually has a small hole in it as it is. A hymen is made of very thin tissue and it is fairly easy to tear or stretch. It's located at the entrance to the vagina so, actually, it isn't inside of the vagina. The hole is there to allow menstrual blood to escape the body and is usually too small to accommodate an entire penis to enter the vagina.
It is rare but some females are born with an imperforate hymen--or a hymen with no opening. A doctor will do a simple surgery to create a hole in the hymen of these newborn females so that blood from later menstrual cycles does not back up into the body.
Anyway, since women have a small hole in their hymens anyway things can go into the vagina and, obviously, come out of the vagina. This being said, if a guy got his semen on your vagina in some fashion then there IS a chance of pregnancy to occur.
So, technically, even if there is not penile penetration but his fluids come in contact with your fluids there is a chance pregnancy could occur. Any time a guy's semen even remotely comes in contact with your vaginal fluid there is a chance of pregnancy. It only takes one sperm to fertilize one egg and they are created to do whatever it takes to accomplish fertilization.
If you do have vaginal intercourse and you do not completely break/tear your hymen it will stretch out and create a larger hole, just as your vagina will naturally stretch out to accommodate the penis. Some hymens are elastic enough to permit a penis to enter without tearing, or they will tear only partially, and there may be no bleeding at all.
Engaging in sex means always taking the risk of becoming pregnant since no contraceptive is 100% effective. Please get yourself completely informed before deciding to participate in such activities.
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ok..so i'm planning on having sex with my bf for the first time soon
i want to know if there is anything i should do before i go over and do it.
i have no idea weather to shave a certain way?
what guys like down there?
or anything like that
my biggest fear is that we will finally have sex
and he will be disappointed in me
and if i do shave what happens if i cut myself or have razor burn
will he think thats gross? (link)
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Really, preparing for sex is not only physically but also mentally. You need to be 100% aware of your actions and their consequences.
It's really in your best interest to research everything there is about sex before deciding to jump into it. If you're well-informed you won't be caught off-guard and, hopefully, won't be put into an awkward position.
Now, I completely understand that it's your life, your body, your decision, and possibly even your mistake; however, I am a bit worried that you are asking such questions on Advicenators when you should be asking your partner. This alone may prove to be a very vulnerable point of you and you really need to work on it.
You need to communicate clearly to your partner and have get just as informed as you are. It's likely you haven't discussed EVERYTHING you should have since you are asking about a guy's hair preference that only he can really answer. Your partner is the only one that can tell you what HE likes.
Not asking your partner really concerns me a lot. I'm very worried for your well-being and am afraid you haven't taken the proper time to educate yourself on some matter that need to be considered. Any way it is, I thought it might be best to include some information and links below about/to things you haven't really given enough thought to. Please get yourself completely informed.
You need to really think about if you truly do want to lose you virginity to this guy. Your virginity is a one-time deal and after you lose it you won't be able to take it back no matter what. It's a special gift you can offer someone and it really should be cherished. That being said, you may want to wait until you and your boyfriend are able to wed.
I say this because married couples simply do not have the problems that other sexual partners do. Also, giving your virginity to your partner on wedding night shows a huge amount of love--to save yourself for that special day, for that special person. Married couples never fear they're being used or will be left. They're able to open up and tell each other what they desire without fear. They know that if a pregnancy happens that they will get through it together with each other's support. They also aren't fearful of catching an STD from their partner because they know they're their only partner. Both partners tend to be fully satisfied because they're able to communicate well with each other and they're able to feel emotionally secure.
The media is telling younger and younger generations that sexual activity makes them famous, popular, attractive, wealthy, well-liked, and feel-good. This is not true at all and if you and your partner aren't educated enough about sexual activity then it's pretty much a waste of time and can leave you with emotional insecurities.
Having sexual relations is a major thing. It puts you in a very vulnerable state. You are risking STD/STI transmission and possibly pregnancy along with emotional, physical, and mental hang-ups to develop.
Just because your hormones and the media are telling you to do it, it doesn't mean it's right and acceptable. Your virginity (in all ways) should be a very valuable thing that should be cherished. Once you engage in sexual activity, you cannot take it back. If something bad happens, things get out of hand, or you catch something from the activity you cannot magically pretend it didn't happen. We should make it a special point to choose careful who we give it to.
Here is a list of 25 reasons why you really shouldn't engage in sexual activity/lose your virginity. I understand that you may be dead set on engaging in sexual activities but it's still something interesting to read and to think about (even after you have sex):
http://www.tagnet.org/adventist.fm/youth/virgin.htm
Here is also a link on some things about virginity. I think it has some neat points and gives examples to explain what they're talking about:
http://www.prolife.com/LICKONA.htm
Then there is always the point about pregnancy. No matter what birth control method you use (even if you use two) it isn't going to be 100% effective on preventing pregnancy and STD/STI transmission. A baby takes a lot from a woman's body during pregnancy and if your body isn't mature enough to handle it, it can really be rough. In addition, if you don't have good support from your partner then you're left holding all of the bags. You'll have to figure out what to do with the baby, decide if you can raise it and how, and give up any future goals you have so that you can focus on the child. A baby takes 100% of your time, energy, money, and emotional support 100% of the time.
It's even tougher if you don't have a life-long partner to help share that huge responsibility. What's even scarier about that is that men and women today are just up and leaving their children with their partners to handle the responsibility all alone. This means people need to be pickier on who they reproduce with and stop sleeping with any thing that crosses their path even if they claim to love them. Making children isn't hard, it's raising them that gets complicated.
One night of sex can result in creating another life or living with a disease the rest of yours. I know many people who lost their virginity and became pregnant (or had gotten the girl pregnant) the same night. They weren't emotionally ready to have children but they made one mistake and they now have a tough road ahead of them trying to make enough money and time for their child.
Even if you think that you can have an abortion if there happens to be a pregnancy, think about the consequences of that action even. Some women suffer major depression for many years after having an abortion. There are cases of women committing suicide years after having an abortion because they couldn't deal with what they had done. Some women become infertile and can no longer have any children. Some really good men refuse to be with a woman who has had an abortion. Throwing a life away because you wanted to have some fun should be an unacceptable option.
Here are some facts you want to consider on pregnancy:
"...you thought the home pregnancy test was expensive! The costs of raising a baby to age 18 costs between $125,000-$250,000 and that's not including college tuition! In your baby's first year alone, you can easily spend between $9,000-$11,000..."
"...childcare can cost as much as $3,000-$4,500 in your baby's first year, not to mention the higher insurance premium for adding an additional person."
"Don't forget about the delivery! It easily costs between $5,000-$8,000 for a normal vaginal delivery, up to $12,000 for a cesarean delivery and much more if there are complications."
"...plan on spending between $1,600-$2,300 by the time your baby is potty-trained. Expect your baby to go through at least 7-8 diapers a day on average and spending $80-$130 a month on diapers alone (especially in the first few months, when changes are more frequent.)"
"For formula (up until your baby is one-year-old), expect to spend between $1,000-$2,300- depending on whether you use powder in a can or ready-to-pour liquids. Plan on spending at least $40 a week on infant formula."
...taken from:
http://www.surebaby.com/costs.php
You risk STDs/STIs with each sexual contact. These can render you completely infertile and you won't be able to ever have children. If it doesn't do that, it could hide in you and you could end up spreading it to every partner you ever have without knowing it. Even at that, some STDs can deteriorate the brain and be so severe that they cause a long, painful death years later.
A lot of people have STDs/STIs and don't even know it. Many people don't show symptoms. This means that many mothers pass on things to their unborn babies. I'm sure none of us would like to find out 20 years from now that we had contracted HIV/AIDs and that our baby has it too now because we passed it along.
Here are some amazingly scary facts about STDs currently:
"More than half of all people will have an STD/STI at some point in their lifetime.
The estimated total number of people living in the US with a viral STD/STI is over 65 million. Every year, there are at least 19 million new cases of STDs/STIs, some of which are curable.
More than $8 billion is spent each year to diagnose and treat STDs/STIs and their complications. This figure does not include HIV.
In a national survey of US physicians, fewer than one-third routinely screened patients for STDs/STIs.
Less than half of adults ages 18 to 44 have ever been tested for an STD/STI other than HIV/AIDS.
Each year, one in four teens contracts an STD/STI.
One in two sexually active persons will contact an STD/STI by age 25.
About half of all new STDs/STIs in 2000 occurred among youth ages 15 to 24. The total estimated costs of these nine million new cases of these STDs/STIs was $6.5 billion, with HIV and human papillomavirus (HPV) accounting for 90% of the total burden." (just as a side note: the Gardasil vaccine only helps prevent 4 strains of HPV--there are over a hundred strains.)
...and it goes on! Right here...
http://www.ashastd.org/learn/learn_statistics.cfm
...and here's some photos of SOME STDs (graphic photos of mostly males, you have to click on links to choose which ones you want to see though so if you click here it isn't going to pop up a bunch of photos). It's important that you check these photos out so that you know what STDs can do to a person's body, just in case you experience problems in this area:
http://www.healthac.org/images.html
You should not be in a rush to have sex. You have plenty of years ahead of you. You're, most likely, young and should be enjoying your youth rather than trying to make major life-altering decisions. There are plenty of things to do that you can be having fun at that doesn't mean risking your health and emotional state.
If you honestly want to make it a good experience then you need to talk to him about it first and get his side of everything. Open up and talk to your partner. Research some of the list I listed above with him. Make sure he is well-informed too!
Again, please get you and your partner completely informed before jumping into such acts. I also hope that you become more open with him and are able to communicate any thoughts you're having about the matter. Your partner is the first you need to come to when it's about his preference--he is the only one that can really tell you what he likes.
I hope that you become more knowledgeable and we won't see you here in a few months, in fear of a pregnancy or STD.
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this may be a dumb question.. but if someone has sex and then like, 3 hours later got their period is there any chance she could be pregnant?
and also, when are u least likely to get pregnant is it right before or right after your period? (link)
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You can get pregnant at any part of your cycle actually. Yes, there is chance you could have been impregnated if you had sex 3 hours before your period started.
There is a common misconception that if you have sex while you are on your period that the blood coming out of you will push all of the sperm out. The thing is, the sperm are made to do everything they possibly can to reach the goal--your egg. They are designed to be able to "swim against the current" so that they can make it upward into your uterus and tubes.
Now, if the egg has already been expelled it sounds as if there wouldn't be a problem; however, there is always another one on it's way and the sperm will fertilize it in while it's still in the fallopian tubes if they can make it. Sperm can live in your body for days.
So, yes, there is a chance that pregnancy could occur. There is ALWAYS a chance pregnancy could occur.
On another note, you ovulate roughly midway through your cycle. So, if you have a normal 28-day cycle you ovulate 14 days into it. For three or four days there you are at your most fertile state. However, if your cycles are abnormal then it's doubtful you'll be able to figure out when you're ovulating; although your discharge would tell you a lot (you expel more sticky discharge for these days).
To make it a little more clear, you are pretty much equally as fertile throughout your entire cycle, only when you ovulate you are a little more fertile than usual. There isn't a time when you are not fertile or less fertile than usual.
Anyway, back to discharges:
1. Before ovulation- There will be a small amount of (mostly) clear discharge.
2. Closer to ovulation- Discharge is wet and sticky. It is usually white/lightly cream colored. There is usually some mucus but it isn't as stretchy as it will be during ovulation.
3. At ovulation (roughly midway from your last period)- There will be a noticeably larger amount of discharge lasting a few days. It resembles stretchy egg whites. You are most fertile here (high risk pregnancy) and sperm entering your vagina will be able to survive slightly longer than other times.
4. After ovulation- Discharge is sticky but not as stretchy. Mostly clear, dwindling back to the "before ovulation" stage.
Anyway, a woman can get pregnant at any point in her cycle. It is always best to practice safe sex to reduce these chances if you are going to engage in such activities. It may also be a good idea to get yourself completely informed before participating in sex ;)
Here is a link about pregnancy costs to know about:
http://www.surebaby.com/costs.php
Here is a link that has some really freaky STD facts:
http://www.ashastd.org/learn/learn_statistics.cfm
Here is a link to photos of STDs you should research:
http://www.healthac.org/images.html
And here is just something simply for you to read and think about. I read it and thought it was pretty neat and gave some good points:
http://www.tagnet.org/adventist.fm/youth/virgin.htm
Better to be informed and knowledgeable of something in case something goes wrong--you won't be caught off-guard then! Take some time to get yourself informed before jumping into things.
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does anybody know how people get into the sex trade?? are they kidnapped.. traded by the parents or what??.. everytime i see tv shows on it they are always asian girls and like.. young girls... so can anybody tell me how this all happens???
thanks (link)
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The reason why you tend to see other nationalities in sex trading is because they've came from poor countries and someone has told them that they will get wealthy by following their lead. Most of the girls are unaware they are joining a sex-trade and are tricked by being told they can become models, actresses, and singers for free.
Some of the children are simply seen traveling alone to the market and snatched up quickly. It isn't uncommon to send young children out alone to pick up a few items at the market in poorer countries. These children are very vulnerable and may even follow a stranger if offered more money or free market items to bring back to their families.
Usually, when the people are tricked into going along, a fake company comes up and offers to take these young girls to the United States where they will become "famous" and all of the other pretty little things they really desire but are simply too poor and too young to be able to do. The poorer and younger the girl, the more likely the girl will believe their lies. After the girl gets her passport they are usually asked to give it over to the person in charge of the group for "safe-keeping" which really ensures that the girl isn't going to leave the country after they move them away from their friends and family.
There is also the note that these young people want to help support their poor families and may seek out jobs early in life. They may find ads offering them jobs as nannies, waitresses, or simply cleaning hotel rooms. The jobs seem easy and doable and they are told they will be paid reasonably. They feel that this is a good way to help get money to send back to their families and go into it.
Many times when the girl goes to the "interview" section of all of this they are greeted by a woman to throw them off the tracks of it being a scam. The woman seems to be pretty, friendly, and wealthy. The woman also swears on the Bible and other holy things that she is being honest and sincere about the job and pay. Her job is to completely convince the girl that she will be helping her family so much and that this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
The parents of these girls usually do not know what exactly is going to happen; however, there are cases in which the parents sell off one of their children to have money to feed the rest of the family. Sometimes the family is tricked and told that they owe someone for something and if they trade off their youngest son/daughter the debt will be paid. It's wrong to do but, like I said, these people usually come from very poor countries.
The women could also be talked into marrying a wealthy, smooth-looking man that is just "visiting" their country. The man may offer her a very simple home-life and money to send back to her family for just marrying him. These men do tend to insist that the woman move away from her family though and to where he lives in a totally different country. These women finally think a wealthy man has shown interest in them and fall into the trap. The man takes them out of the country and the woman finds out he's been doing this to many women and has his own sex-trade going on.
From there they are kept prisoner, pretty much. They are told that very bad things will happen to them, their friends, and/or their family if they even attempt to leave or seek out help. The girls tend to be very young so many of them fully believe the power these men hold against them. They are also beaten until they stop fighting back against their capture and simply go along with what they are instructed to do. Sometimes the child is taken so young that they forget where their family resides and believes they have no one to turn to for help.
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Anyone have any ideas on how to stop?
I can't do things I need to do, because I'm so busy cybering, and no matter how hard I try, I keep going back. Help! (link)
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I see that you understand this has become a problem of yours. You've clearly stated that you are unable to do the things you are needing to do because you end up in an erotic chat.
Many people have problems with keeping their mind on track on the internet as it is. Friendly chatting, web-surfing, and online-games can side track a person from their work. Many companies have had to put blocks on websites so that their employees will actually do the jobs they were hired for. Your problem is really no different.
Just as a side note, you can google up "cybersex addiction" and find that it's becoming more common. Professional counseling sessions seem to be suggested along with a few things I've listed below. You may also look into support groups for sex-addicts or online-addicts as some of the websites claim that these have been beneficial.
If you are seriously wanting to stop this behavior then you need to take every action that you can. This will be hard work mentally and you'll have to really push yourself to stick to things. It may be helpful to write these things down and post them at your computer so that you can remind yourself of your goals.
The thing to do is to make yourself stay clear of it completely. Even if you're tempted to do it, have the will power to say no. You simply need to control your urges and you CAN if you put your mind to it.
Make it a goal to go so long without sexual conversation and work up from there. First, make it a one-day or one-week goal and then raise the bar higher. Keep a calender to mark off at your computer so that you are reminded how long you've made it. Soon, you'll notice that you no longer have the desire to seek out these conversations. Stick to your goal and treat yourself every now and again with something you like--a new pair of shoes, new clothes, or even just a trip out somewhere. Reward your good behavior :)
Block and delete people from your contact lists that may initiate such contact. Don't bother explaining why you will be riding yourself of them because they may try to talk you out of it and you could end up back where you started. Block the websites and chat-rooms you go to when finding a cyber-sex partner (you can have a friend or family member set up the block if needed). If you really must, delete your old screen-names and remake your list, adding only the people that you know do not engage in such activities. If that isn't enough, delete your messenger services. Heck, if you must, don't sign online if you don't absolutely need to! Get rid of temptation.
Limit the time you have access to the internet. Set aside a limited amount of time you are able to be online a day and focus on getting your work done in that time. Fill in the rest of your time doing offline activities (more information below). Upping your daily time of face-to-face, non-sexual human interaction will help you move past this issue.
Put your excess time into something more useful. If you notice that you've finished work early on the computer, sign offline and participate in something more constructive. There are tons of things you can do. You can help at your local soup kitchen or homeless shelter, make packages to send to the batter women's shelter or overseas to troops, read to children at your local library, spend time with the elderly at nursing homes, join an organization and help them collect donations or such. I helped hand out pamphlets and cards after I joined RAINN:
http://www.rainn.org/
I also joined The American Diabetes Foundation and collected donations for them. There are many things you can join in your community to help you occupy your free time with something more useful.
Now, I'm not saying to rid yourself of all sexuality, just simply stop incorporating another person into your sexual activities. If you want to masturbate, then fine, but don't seek out a partner for such things. Keep your eye on the goal and work hard toward it.
This will take a lot of work on your part but I do hope you're able to overcome it.
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Me and my husband have been together for 2yrs and its gotten to the point that he doesn't want to take me out anymore and its becoming a real bore he just wants to sit around and play poker and I'm sick of it what do I do. I'm 18 and he's 23 (link)
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Communication is ALWAYS key in all relationships. This means, you need to really make time for a good sit-down discussion with your husband about what you've been thinking and feeling.
Since you haven't expressed your concerns to your husband, you really have no clue as to what is going on with his side. If you're feeling bored, chances are he is too. Your relationship is a two-sided deal and you need to pull you weight as much as he needs to pull his.
Ask him what you can do to make him more active in your relationship, especially if he has expressed the disinterest in taking you out. Maybe he wishes you'd dress up more or would be more willing to do things he enjoys doing (or see movies he enjoys seeing or...well, you get the point). For all you know, he's been waiting on you to press him to go out together and has thought you've became uninterested in him. Whatever it is, ask him what you can do differently to liven things up!
You have to let him know what you feel is missing and what you wish would be happening. He has to know what he needs to "fix" to be able to change it and meet your needs. Sure, he should be able to have a poker game once a week, but he should give you more time than he gives his buddies since you have a closer relationship to him.
Really express exactly what you've been feeling about the situation though. Let him know if you feel he's uninterested in you. You have to communicate with him for anything to go smoothly--he isn't a mind reader. Spill your guts to the man.
After discussing with him about what is going on between you two, make plans to go out one evening. If, for some reason, he puts it off then you need to let him know what it makes you think. For the "date" think of a couple of nice things you two can do together that you haven't done in awhile. It doesn't have to be expensive or fancy--just time out together.
You may also want to suggest to your partner about making a date-night once a week or two. Again, it doesn't have to be costly and you could possibly even do this at home with some home-made popcorn, snuggling on the couch, and a rental movie.
Remember the things you use to do that he really loved. As time goes on, couples tend to forget about complimenting each other and things become so routine they don't think about it any longer. It's always the little things that really matter. Show him you're still interested in those small ways.
In the future, remember to go to your husband first about problems. He knows your relationship and he is aware of what exactly is going on with him. He may be just as lost and confused as you are if he's feeling what you're feeling and hasn't opened up to you.
I hope things work out well between you and your husband.
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a while back me and the bf had sex it was protected but i was so sure i was pregant and starting freaking out and had soemtchae pains, well the sotmache pains were caused from stress, i was so stressed and sure i was pregant i stopped eating and lost 25 lbs and since havent gained it back and told my mom what we did she was upset and banned me to go to his house well she just recently like two days ago let me go over his house...and of course we did it again, we did it twice both times protected and it didnt break that i know of, now my bf's kinda well rllly big and and he likes it rough so he goes extremly fast the next day (yesterday) i kinda had shooting pains in my stomache around my upper abs and bellybutton, and my shoulders are sore and i get this sharp pain in my side to the right of my right boob under my under arm..whats going on? is it me just stressdsing? or could i be pregnantg? (link)
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To quickly answer your question:
It's really doubtful that, if you are pregnant, you are already experiencing pregnancy symptoms. Not to scare you but some STDs do have the stomach pains you are experiencing. You may want to see a doctor and let them know you have been sexually active--from there they may feel STD/STI testing is required.
Chlamydia tends to be the STI that can cause abdominal pain in women. It can actually lead to further complications and a woman can develop PID (pelvic inflammatory disease). In short, it's an infection of the woman's reproductive organs. This can render a woman infertile if left untreated for a period of time.
Pain in your lower abdomen and, in some cases that I've read, bloating after sex can be the first signs of something called endometriosis.
Your problem also could be IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) if it's lower too. IBS also means cramping/pain and bloating. The pain can sometimes be experienced after sex but usually more frequently than that. Usually this is accompanied by constant diarrhea or constipation (which is the most common cause of bloating, by the way).
If you suspect the problem is constipation then you really need to up your intake of fruits, vegetables, wholegrain cereals and bread, wholewheat pasta, and brown rice and beans. Make sure you're well hydrated (8 glasses of water a day). You can also purchase fiber now such as Benefiber or ColonPure (which they sell at GNC).
Pain near your bellybutton can be related to a small intestine disorder or an inflammation of your appendix (appendicitis).
Pain directly above the navel in the upper middle section of the abdomen may be associated with stomach disorders. Persistent pain in this area may also signal a problem with your pancreas or gallbladder.
It's quite important you see your doctor about your symptoms. You need to be completely honest with the doctor so that they are aware of all of the possibilities. They can also administer a pregnancy test to find out if you are in-fact pregnant. Please make an appointment to see your doctor soon.
Now, I understand it's your body, your choice, your life, and possibly even your mistake; however, I felt I should point a few things out to you after answering your question.
I am simply concerned for your well-being and I don't want to see you back here in a few months, pregnant, scared, and miserable. It's best to keep your self informed of what I'm about to say so that you can avoid major tragedies in your life.
I feel like I should bring some things to your attention that you may have overlooked or that you simply were not aware of before. I want you to be in the best situation possible, you see. I'm very concerned about your knowledge about sexual activity and I want you to be in the best situation possible about this.
You are breaking a bond between your parents and yourself, risking your body of catching STDs or getting pregnant (who would you tell then?), and simply lying. Sex is an adult activity and if you can't be adult enough to tell your family that you are/will be engaging in sex then maybe--just MAYBE--you're not ready to put yourself in that situation.
Before starting sexual activity you and your partner should both be very aware of all possible consequences. It is important to be informed so that nobody is hurt in any way at any time. You should really check out some photos of STDs/STIs and what pregnancy at such a young age does to a woman's body before rushing into things. Like I said, it's better to be informed than to trip into something you're absolutely clueless about.
To touch on a few other things:
It was wise to tell your mother the first time that you had engaged in sex and that you may have stepped into a bit of trouble. Even though you weren't pregnant, your mother was very upset that you had disrespected yourself in that manner, I'm sure. What has made this worse is you broke her trust twice now--I'm sure she believed you were going to be able to keep your legs closed if you were able to spend time with your boyfriend. See, now you may have landed yourself into a BIGGER mess than you may think--your mother isn't going to be as trusting of you as she was previously and if you are pregnant you HAVE to tell her in hopes she can help you figure out what to do.
Please do not lie to your mother any more. She is only here to protect you and make sure that you grow and develop into a wonderful person. Give her a chance and listen to what she says. She has been through many things in her life and she can really give you some good advice, I'm sure.
STDs:
Many people now have STDs or STIs and don't even know it. Mothers can also pass their STDs onto their babies so everyone is pretty much at risk of having something they can pass along to others. It's important to be picky on who you have sexual relations with because if you contract an STD/STI from them then some really bad things can happen--including life-long illness, infertility, blindness, brain deterioration, and even death.
No method of birth control is 100% effective. Even if you use two methods of birth control there is still a pregnancy risk. No matter what birth control you use, you also risk contracting an STD or STI. Sometimes STDs/STIs aren't noticed because they don't show symptoms until very late stages--when they've been passed on to multiple partners and are destroying bodies.
Here is a list of some super scary facts about STDs. You'd be surprised at how many people now have some sort of STD and how much money we put toward trying to cure them. This is a really interesting link and it gives you a lot of think about and discuss with your partner:
http://www.ashastd.org/learn/learn_statistics.cfm
Here is also a link of photos of various STDs. Most of the photos are of males but there are a few female photos in there. Some are very scary. Don't worry about many photos popping up when you click the link, they're behind other links so you can choose which ones you might want to check out:
http://www.healthac.org/images.html
Pregnancy:
One night of sex can result in creating another life or living with a disease the rest of yours. I know many people who lost their virginity and became pregnant (or had gotten the girl pregnant) the same night. They weren't emotionally ready to have children but they made one mistake and they now have a tough road ahead of them trying to make enough money and time for their child. Having a child means being completely selfless because they need 100% of your attention 100% of the time. Having children means major sacrifices, especially in the emotional department.
Even if you think that you can have an abortion if there happens to be a pregnancy, consider the consequences of that action too. Some women suffer major depression for many years after having an abortion. There are cases of women committing suicide years after having an abortion because they couldn't deal with what they had done. Some women become infertile and can no longer have any children. Some really good men refuse to be with a woman who has had an abortion. Throwing a life away because you wanted to have some fun should be an unacceptable option.
You're aware you're not financially and emotionally ready to be a parent or you wouldn't worry about pregnancy. I'm sure you want to give your future children the best possibly life and if you contract an STD you may not be able to have children, may be too sick to raise them completely, or may pass something along to them.
It would be especially scary if your partner impregnated you and then left the relationship for you to handle all of the childcare. Being left with not enough income, time, or emotional support to offer a child is frightening. This scenario is happening like crazy all of the world now. People should try to be more pickier on who they reproduce with so they avoid such horrible situations.
Here are some facts about how much a baby costs within the first year of life; you should really check it out just for future issues as the knowledge could come in very handy:
http://www.surebaby.com/costs.php
Virginity:
Virginity should be more valuable than we make it. It's a special thing that we only get one of no matter what we do. The media feeds us a bunch of crap telling us that if we love someone we should give them our bodies. Instead we should be showing our love in other ways and making wedding night extra special for that person. Contrary to popular belief, sex does not make us attractive, rich, famous, liked, or popular.
Here is a link about some things you should think about before engaging in sexual activities any further. Even if you're dead set on continuing these sex acts it's still really interesting to look at. The site really makes you think about things you overlooked before:
http://www.tagnet.org/adventist.fm/youth/virgin.htm
People that are married and have sex don't have as many fears and problems as unmarried sex partners do. They never fear they're being used or will be left. They're able to open up and tell each other what they desire without fear. They know that if a pregnancy happens that they will get through it together with each other's support. They also aren't fearful of catching an STD from their partner because they know they're their only partner. Both partners tend to be fully satisfied because they're able to communicate well with each other and they're able to feel emotionally secure.
Communication and Knowledge:
Before engaging in any sexual activity you need to sit down and discuss everything with your partner. He needs to be just as informed as you are. He needs to know all of the little details--the good and the bad. It is VERY important that he is well notified of EVERYTHING. Have him check out the links with you so he knows the facts too.
So, sit down with your partner and discuss STDs/STIs (look at some photos), pregnancy expenses (just in case), and having a new sexual encounter (possible loss of virginity).
I wish you luck on becoming more knowledgeable about sexual activity so that we don't see you again here in fear of a pregnancy. I also hope that you see your doctor to ensure that everything is healthy and happy in your body.
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basically i used to be a normal girl untill a lot of shit happened. if something even so little goes wrong ill want to break down and cry and hurt myself.. ive abused drugs just once the other night, i feel like im entering something that could lead to worse things.. like actually takin my life. ive gone to a psyciatrist, a counselor, ive tried everythingg.. i just dont know what to do, any advice, not involving proffesional help? (link)
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First off, it sounds like you're trying to control your emotions so strongly that when you hit a crisis situation (or you've been pushed to your limit of self-control) you literally freak out. You need to know that it is perfectly fine and acceptable to cry and let our your emotions.
If you have a good friend (or boyfriend or girlfriend), this is the time to open up to him/her and ask for emotional support. Explain to the friend what you're needing from them and ask if they have the time to let you lean on them for support. Explain to them your problems and let them know if you're actually asking for advice or if you're really just wanting a good person to vent to.
If at all possible, you may want to lean on the support of a parent. They are adults and have had many experiences in life so they might be able to understand some of your emotions and help you work through them. I do understand if this is simply not an option though but you do need to find someone to lean on.
From there you need to learn to relax around the person and if you're having a bad day, go to them and simply talk. If you need to cry, they'll then expect it and you'll feel more comfortable crying with them. Break down and cry, scream outside, talk a mile-a-minute about your feelings--whatever it takes to get it out!
It isn't alright to hurt yourself but you can alter your behavior. When you realize that you're getting so upset to the point that you're going to hurt yourself, try to occupy yourself with something else. As I noted, having a good friend with you is comforting and maybe you will be less-likely to self-harm. A few of the things I'm listing below may be things you can do to get your mind off of hurting yourself.
You realize that the drug usage is turning into a scary road and it is really important that you see that. Turn back now while you have the chance. Learn to let out what you're feeling in helpful ways. Be more aware of your actions. Think through the possibilities. Put your energy into something more useful. Take note of what you're feeling and then backtrack to what made you feel that way--find out if it's a rational feeling or if you're simply over-reacting. From there, try to figure out ways to solve the issue instead of putting your energies into finding ways to hurt your body.
I've heard that when people are upset, painting or drawing can really help them express it. I'd suppose that playing an instrument would also help express what you've been holding back. You could paint and give those paintings to the elderly in the nursing home (they've love it) or you could play soft music to them outside during the daytime.
You want to make some goal to really work toward that involves helping others--make up some packages to send to your local battered women's shelter, bake some goods for the battered women's shelter as special treats, start helping at a soup kitchen, help out at a homeless shelter, see about reading to children at story hour at your local library, visit a nursing home weekly and spend time with the elderly, run errands for an elderly neighbor just to make his/her life easier in old age (heck, just spend time with them; many elderly men and women are alone and have really interesting stories to tell), mow the yards of your elderly neighbors, tutor younger children in classes they're having difficulties in for free, find a place to read the Bible to others, and there are tons more other things I'm sure you can think of that are helpful to others and keep you occupied. Make your goal to do one (or however many) of these things per day/week/etc.
You may also want to join an organization that helps others. Here is a link that allows youth to help out in their community:
http://www.rootsandshoots.org/
You can search for a group in your area.
You may also want to think about working for a charity. One summer I sat outside of a Wal-Mart and took donations all day for the diabetes foundation even though I do not have diabetes myself. I've also joined RAINN ( http://www.rainn.org/ ) and helped spread pamphlets and cards out to others. There are many organizations you may be able to help in. You may just want to head over to Google and search what you're interested in (such as an environmental organization).
Start a daily journal for you. It's important to journal at least once a day (preferably at the end of the day) so you can look back and see what spurred some emotion(s). This will also help you see improvement in yourself as you progress. You can look back and see how helpful you have been and how your life can turn around.
Make a conscious effort to change. Try to be more aware of what you're doing. If you're fighting back tears maybe you shouldn't be. If you're feeling a strong emotion, find a way to express that in a non-harmful manner. Put your energy into helpful things that mean a lot to others.
I hope you know that realizing you may be on the wrong path gives you the opportunity to change for the better. I understand you may be going through difficult times but I'm sure you can overcome this with some time and conscious effort.
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im 16. he's 17.
one night about 2 weeks ago me and this guy that i've been talking to got drunk and made out. the next day i asked if it was just because he was drunk and he said, no, that he likes me. but i dont think he wants a relationship. i havent known him for long. (about 3 or 4 months) but i know his brother well. anyway i know he wants to have sex. i'm a virgin and he deffinately is not. i told him that i'm not easy and he'd have to work for me. so he takes me out to dinner a lot. well about twice a week and he'll give me a goodnight kiss and drop me off at my house. sometimes we'll just hang out somewhere. we're not going out but its not exactly a friends with benefits relationship...yet. i would like to have sex with him but i dont want to just give him whatever he wants so fast. im afraid that if i bring up the topic of a relationship that it'd scare him off. i've had a friends with benefits relationship before but it didn't last long so i didn't do much but im open to the possibility of having one. i'm not even sure what my question is i guess i just need some advice on how to deal with this situation because i've never had a problem like this. by the way: he knows im a virgin and pretty much unexperienced except for hand jobs so its not like he's going after me because i'm an easy whore. (link)
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First off, before you make a dead-set decision on pursuing anything other than simple friendship with this guy you need to fully understand something. The guy is not interested in you at all. He only wants sex from you and he will do what he has to do to get it. I know it may hurt a little to realize this but it is absolutely true.
Now, you simply may not be his type or it may be that you're a bit of a challenge for him and winning your virginity would make him feel like he was something. Any way it is, he isn't interested in you as anything more than a night of sex or two. If he wanted a real relationship, he would really be pursuing that instead of trying to win over your body. He also would verbally tell you if he was interested in more than a sex-buddy and had any respect for you.
I also want to note that telling someone you WILL have sex with them but that they have to "work" for it still means you're pretty easy. You've already told him you would so he knows exactly how to go about it. You're really degrading yourself even by hanging around this dude. You are better than this.
I know what it all comes down to is that it's your life, your body, your decision, and possibly even your mistake. I am really concerned for your well-being though and I really feel I should point out some things to you. It is best to keep yourself informed and well-educated and I simply want to ensure that you are both.
Before engaging in any sexual activity you really need to be well-informed. You don't want to be caught in a situation that you have no knowledge about. I'm simply going to point out some things that you need to be knowledgeable about before pursuing a sexual relationship.
The media is telling younger and younger generations that sexual activity makes them famous, popular, attractive, wealthy, well-liked, and feel-good. This is not true at all and if you and your partner aren't educated enough about sexual activity then it's pretty much a waste of time and can leave you with emotional insecurities.
Having sexual relations is a major thing. It puts you in a very vulnerable state. You are risking STD/STI transmission and possibly pregnancy along with emotional, physical, and mental hang-ups to develop.
Just because your hormones and the media are telling you to do it, it doesn't mean it's right and acceptable. Your virginity (in all ways) should be a very valuable thing that should be cherished. Once you engage in sexual activity, you cannot take it back. If something bad happens, things get out of hand, or you catch something from the activity you cannot magically pretend it didn't happen. We should make it a special point to choose careful who we give it to.
Losing your virginity is a one-time deal. You never give it back no matter what you do. It should be a special thing to give your virginity to your husband (trust me, the man you marry would be thrilled to receive that sort of gift on the wedding night). Before jumping into things, discuss the consequences and think it all over. Look ahead at what you want your life to become and how engaging in sexual activity now could affect your future.
If you think about it, people that are married and have sex don't have as many problems as unmarried sex partners do. They never fear they're being used or will be left. They're able to open up and tell each other what they desire without fear. They know that if a pregnancy happens that they will get through it together with each other's support. They also aren't fearful of catching an STD from their partner because they know they're their only partner. Both partners tend to be fully satisfied because they're able to communicate well with each other and they're able to feel emotionally secure.
Here is a list of 25 reasons why you shouldn't engage in sexual activity/lose your virginity. I understand that you may be dead set on engaging in sexual activities but it's still something interesting to read and to think about:
http://www.tagnet.org/adventist.fm/youth/virgin.htm
Here is also a link on some things about virginity. I think it has some neat points and gives examples to explain what they're talking about:
http://www.prolife.com/LICKONA.htm
Then there is always the point about pregnancy. No matter what birth control method you use (even if you use two) it isn't going to be 100% effective on preventing pregnancy and STD/STI transmission. A baby takes a lot from a woman's body during pregnancy and if your body isn't mature enough to handle it, it can really be rough. In addition, if you don't have good support from your partner then you're left holding all of the bags. You'll have to figure out what to do with the baby, decide if you can raise it and how, and give up any future goals you have so that you can focus on the child. A baby takes 100% of your time, energy, money, and emotional support 100% of the time.
It's even tougher if you don't have a life-long partner to help share that huge responsibility. What's even scarier about that is that men and women today are just up and leaving their children with their partners to handle the responsibility all alone. This means people need to be pickier on who they reproduce with and stop sleeping with any thing that crosses their path even if they claim to love them. Making children isn't hard, it's raising them that gets complicated.
One night of sex can result in creating another life or living with a disease the rest of yours. I know many people who lost their virginity and became pregnant (or had gotten the girl pregnant) the same night. They weren't emotionally ready to have children but they made one mistake and they now have a tough road ahead of them trying to make enough money and time for their child.
Even if you think that you can have an abortion if there happens to be a pregnancy, think about the consequences of that action even. Some women suffer major depression for many years after having an abortion. There are cases of women committing suicide years after having an abortion because they couldn't deal with what they had done. Some women become infertile and can no longer have any children. Some really good men refuse to be with a woman who has had an abortion. Throwing a life away because you wanted to have some fun should be an unacceptable option.
Here are some facts you want to consider on pregnancy:
"...you thought the home pregnancy test was expensive! The costs of raising a baby to age 18 costs between $125,000-$250,000 and that's not including college tuition! In your baby's first year alone, you can easily spend between $9,000-$11,000..."
"...childcare can cost as much as $3,000-$4,500 in your baby's first year, not to mention the higher insurance premium for adding an additional person."
"Don't forget about the delivery! It easily costs between $5,000-$8,000 for a normal vaginal delivery, up to $12,000 for a cesarean delivery and much more if there are complications."
"...plan on spending between $1,600-$2,300 by the time your baby is potty-trained. Expect your baby to go through at least 7-8 diapers a day on average and spending $80-$130 a month on diapers alone (especially in the first few months, when changes are more frequent.)"
"For formula (up until your baby is one-year-old), expect to spend between $1,000-$2,300- depending on whether you use powder in a can or ready-to-pour liquids. Plan on spending at least $40 a week on infant formula."
...taken from:
http://www.surebaby.com/costs.php
You risk STDs/STIs with each sexual contact. These can render you infertile and you won't be able to ever have children. If it doesn't do that, it could hide in you and you could end up spreading it to every partner you ever have without knowing it. Even at that, some STDs can deteriorate the brain and be so severe that they cause a long, painful death years later.
A lot of people have STDs/STIs and don't even know it. Many people don't show symptoms. This means that many mothers pass on things to their unborn babies. I'm sure none of us would like to find out 20 years from now that we had contracted HIV/AIDs and that our baby has it too now because we passed it along.
Here are some amazingly scary facts about STDs currently:
"More than half of all people will have an STD/STI at some point in their lifetime.
The estimated total number of people living in the US with a viral STD/STI is over 65 million. Every year, there are at least 19 million new cases of STDs/STIs, some of which are curable.
More than $8 billion is spent each year to diagnose and treat STDs/STIs and their complications. This figure does not include HIV.
In a national survey of US physicians, fewer than one-third routinely screened patients for STDs/STIs.
Less than half of adults ages 18 to 44 have ever been tested for an STD/STI other than HIV/AIDS.
Each year, one in four teens contracts an STD/STI.
One in two sexually active persons will contact an STD/STI by age 25.
About half of all new STDs/STIs in 2000 occurred among youth ages 15 to 24. The total estimated costs of these nine million new cases of these STDs/STIs was $6.5 billion, with HIV and human papillomavirus (HPV) accounting for 90% of the total burden."
...and it goes on! Right here...
http://www.ashastd.org/learn/learn_statistics.cfm
...and here's some photos of SOME STDs (graphic photos of mostly males, you have to click on links to choose which ones you want to see though so if you click here it isn't going to pop up a bunch of photos). It's important that you check these photos out so that you know what STDs can do to a person's body:
http://www.healthac.org/images.html
You should not be in a rush to have sex. You have plenty of years ahead of you. You're young and should be enjoying your youth rather than trying to make major life-altering decisions. There are plenty of things to do that you can be having fun at that doesn't mean risking your health and emotional state.
I also want to note that women get emotionally attached to men when sex is involved. Women have a hard time not developing feelings for men when they are sex partners. This proves to be a problem because the man usually does not develop these feelings back and uses the woman simply as a piece of meat. Many men have figured out when the woman develops these feelings moreso and plays on them so string her along until he finds a new partner. Women tend to have a hard time getting over this and this can cause them pain years later--making them feel used, abused, and so disrespected that they don't even think of themselves as human any more.
Please make sure you really sit down and research before you make any drastic decisions. It's also important that your partner is fully informed of all of the possible consequences so it may be best if you share the above links with him.
I want you to know that I think you're better than to put yourself out there like this. I also want you to know that you don't have to do this to yourself. Please make the right decision.
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for a while now i have been getting really horny and all i want is for someone to eat me out. like i am almost tempted to ask some random neighbor hood boy to eat me out and i dont even talk to him. so should i go for it? or should i try to fight the feeling? and also how can i fight the feeling? (link)
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Young adults and teenagers tend to have strong sexual urges as their hormones go crazy during maturity. Inside you know that what you're feeling isn't acceptable or you wouldn't have suggested fighting the urges.
The media is telling younger and younger generations that sexual activity makes them famous, popular, attractive, wealthy, well-liked, and feel-good. This is not true at all and if you and your partner aren't educated enough about sexual activity then it's pretty much a waste of time and can leave you with emotional insecurities.
Having sexual relations is a major thing. It puts you in a very vulnerable state. You are risking STD/STI transmission along with emotional, physical, and mental hang-ups to develop.
Just because your hormones and the media are telling you to do it, it doesn't mean it's right and acceptable. Your virginity (in all ways) should be a very valuable thing that should be cherished. Once you engage in sexual activity, you cannot take it back. If something bad happens, things get out of hand, or you catch something from the activity you cannot magically pretend it didn't happen.
Here is a list of 25 reasons why you shouldn't engage in sexual activity/lose your virginity. I understand that you may be dead set on engaging in sexual activities but it's still something interesting to read and to think about:
http://www.tagnet.org/adventist.fm/youth/virgin.htm
Oral sex can lead to various STDs and STIs. Here is a link of STD facts you'd be shocked to realize:
http://www.ashastd.org/learn/learn_statistics.cfm
STDs/STIs can really screw up a person's body. They may develop a life-long illness they must live with and suffer through. They may carry it for years, passing it on to partner to partner without realizing it--harming other's lives. They may just end up passing it on to their offspring as well (which can cause the baby to have defects). It's even possible for people with certain STDs/STIs to become infertile.
Along with engaging in oral sex, you will be pressured to go further. Here is a site of photos of what STDs have done to the bodies of various people. It's important to be informed about these things before engaging in sexual activities so please check them out. The photos of are mostly of males (some females though) and they are behind different links so you're able to choose which ones you'd like to see:
http://www.healthac.org/images.html
Having pre-martial sexual relations degrades the value of yourself. You simply think that giving your body to other people isn't a "big deal" anymore. Before you know it, you've racked up partner after partner, trying to find the thing you feel you're missing.
That thing you would be missing would simply be security from a partner and the right amount of knowledge. Married couples never worry about catching an STD from their partner because they know they're their only partner, they don't worry so much if a baby occurs because they know they will have each others support in it's rearing, there are no worries of being left or just being used for sexual pleasure. Married couples are also able to communicate to their partner what exactly they are desiring and by being knowledgeable and comfortable by their marriage they are able to please their partner completely. By waiting until marriage, you put yourself in a position of comfort and security. You don't have the same hang-ups as the teenagers now have or are developing.
Masturbation has always been an option that is much safer than including another body into things. Many teenagers and young adults aren't informed enough to understand techniques of good sexual encounters anyway. Many young people do not take the time to fully research (not engage in; I mean study) things enough to be "good" at them so, really, masturbating might give you a better sensation than engaging in activities with another person.
Please make the right decision before rushing into things. Get yourself completely informed of EVERYTHING before engaging in ANYTHING. You don't want to suddenly be in a position you know nothing about and end up being in a scary predicament later on.
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so last month i got my first gardasil shot. the doctor recomended it but my mom was kinda on edge to decide weather i should get it or not. i got it but my mom seems to think that there can be negative side affects. like that there is side effects more severe then it said on the paper. and some of them may not come right away at all.. it may be a few weeks or months. she says it hasnt been out for to long and that it is new so i could be bad.. but i dont know. she says she has heard negative things.
has anyone heard anything really bad about this shot? not like the common side effects that i read on the paper but ones that are more brushed under the covers and not mentioned. any that could be a huge danger to my health.
15/f (link)
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Believe it or not, the Gardasil shot is not all it's cracked up to be. There are serious reported cases of things like seizures, blood clots, and even possible deaths. Now, no vaccination tends to be 100% effective but we're not really sure what this vaccine will do entirely for many years to come.
Here is a link in which a woman reports the death of her daughter possibly being linked to the Gardasil shots:
http://www.eastbayexpress.com/news/one_less/Content?oid=637364
Here is a link in which a person has gathered side-effects from various women that had the shot. The person has made a table of them (which is sort-of small but readable):
http://www.kkrasnowwaterman.com/blog/tabid/2962/bid/4484/HPV-Vaccine-Gardasil-seizure-fainting-paralysis.aspx
...That includes things like seizures, death, and severe headaches/pain.
This site:
http://www.judicialwatch.org/6299.shtml
...also said:
"Side effects published by Merck & Co. warn the public about potential pain, fever, nausea, dizziness and itching after receiving the vaccine. Indeed, 77% of the adverse reactions reported are typical side effects to vaccinations. But other more serious side effects reported include paralysis, Bells Palsy, Guillain-Barre Syndrome, and seizures."
Here is also another site that informs others how serious the side-effects can be:
http://www.macleans.ca/article.jsp?content=20070827_108312_108312&source=srch
This also has some things to say about the Gardasil vaccine:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/261430/concerns_grow_as_gardasil_the_cervical.html
I did read that Merck (the makers of Gardasil) did add to the side effects list: Bells Palsy, paralysis, seizures, and Guillain-Barre Syndrome. Those are all very serious conditions to be developing after a vaccine used to help prevent only four types of HPV.
The four strains of HPV it helps prevent are numbers 16, 18, 6, and 11. There are more than 100 strains of HPV though. Strains 16 and 18 cause cervical cancer and 6 and 11 cause genital warts; however, there are many other strains that cause the same thing and that are transmitted the same way. EDIT TO ADD IN: Gardasil does NOT prevent ovarian cancer and has nothing to do with the prevention of such cancer.
Genital cancers are caused by HPV strain numbers 16, 18, 31, 33, 35, 39, 45, 51. Genital warts are caused by 6, 11, 42, 43, 44, 55 and some others I'm not sure of. Other different strains of HPV are also responsible for warts on the hands and feet, a scaly skin disease, and even an oral infection that causes masses on oral mucus membranes.
I also want to point out that as I was searching for links to post here for you to check out, I saw a lot of lawsuit websites where some people are taking legal action to sue Merck for the severe side-effects they experienced. I'm not sure if they have a true lawsuit yet or if they're just claims so far.
Like I said, no vaccination tends to be 100% safe. It's up to you to decide if you want to risk the possible very-harmful side effects that could come along with it. For me, I'd like to give it a few years before even thinking of possibility getting the shot.
The vaccine is so new for all we know it makes women infertile (a major fear of mine which is why I refuse to get the vaccination). We won't be sure what exactly it MAY do to our bodies until quite a few years down the road. I know that in pregnant women it causes miscarriages and major birth defects but it's still early to really find out if it causes anything in women who get pregnant AFTER receiving the shot.
I hope you find the things you're looking for and I hope I've helped your search a little.
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what happens when you need an abortion and go to planned parenthood? do you have to pay? thanks (link)
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Before I answer your question I really want to make you aware of a few things. I know in the end it is your body, your life, your decision, and possibly even your mistake. I am truly only concerned for your well-being and hope to make you a little more knowledgeable before you make a definite choice.
Abortion can really harm your body just as much as giving birth to a child. I understand your body may not be mature enough to handle pregnancy but no woman's body is truly ready to abort a fetus. A baby can deplete your body of nutrients (which is why pregnant women need to take their prenatal vitamins) but an abortion can leave you scarred physically and/or mentally.
Women who have had abortions can experience problems later on. Many women suffer from depression after having an abortion because, in the end, they come to realize that they have completely stopped another human life. The dates of conception, abortion, and the estimated day the child would have been born haunts many women for years. Some woman can't deal with this so much that they end up committing suicide. If that isn't enough, many women experience difficulty conceiving years later after an abortion--yes, it can render you infertile for the rest of your days.
You don't say your age but I still found a VERY interesting site for teenagers on abortion. I'm not sure if you're a teenager or not but it seems that majority of the users on this site are so I hope you can relate. These girls had abortions when they were your age and have gained courage to write about their experiences for other teens to read:
http://www.teenbreaks.com/abortion/abortionhome.cfm
Most of them regret that they had an abortion. Many of them cannot get over that fact and have the dates stuck in their minds. I'm sure that when that date passes each year they are reminded of what they went through to rid themselves of a life they were developing inside of their wombs.
I also want to direct you to a site that shows a live abortion. It's in different parts because the speaker gives you a lot of information on what the fetus and the mother will be going through. The video shows the ultra-sound as the procedure happens. It is important you see this before having an abortion so that you know fully what will be happening--it is best to inform yourself well. Before clicking the link to watch the video, prepare yourself because it is real life:
http://www.silentscream.org/video1.htm
...Part 3 really starts to show the actual abortion happening. The speaker does add that the doctor that did the abortion never did another one and that the woman filming it never spoke about abortion again, though she was previously for it.
Please know that abortion is not your only option. Please give yourself plenty of time to decide what is the best choice. Even if your parents are upset that you are pregnant they will eventually get over it. Some parents can be really hurt in the beginning that their son or daughter disobeyed but, in the end, they still love you. Many parents later realize that the unborn baby IS their grandchild and help their son or daughter to figure out how to raise the baby when it comes.
Please do not put your body through the mess that is abortion. Take your chances and open up to your parents about what has happened. Like I said, even if they are upset they WILL get over it.
Adoption is always an option of yours if you are not physically, mentally, or financially capable of caring for another human life. Please look into it if you feel you can carry the child but not raise it properly. You can contact an adoption agency in your area or you can relinquish your rights of your child and place it in the custody of the state for adoption. I've read something about Volunteers of America for adoptions being really good but I have no personal experience with them myself. Here is a link directing you to their site:
http://www.voagno.org/Services/ChildrenYouthFamilies/AdoptionServices/tabid/1238/Default.aspx
Planned parenthood usually charges a fee based on your income and what procedure they will be doing. Every planned parenthood tends to be different so your best option is to call them or stop by the clinic and ask them directly how much it would cost for them to do an abortion. They will need to know roughly how far along you are and may ask for your current income. Even if you don't have an income, I believe there is still a base price on the procedure at planned parenthood.
I am unsure if planned parenthood needs all of the money upfront for an abortion or not but I know that some expensive procedures you are able to pay on monthly. To be able to pay monthly you may need to show proof of income. Again, it's best if you call or visit the clinic to get a definite answer on this.
Here is the link to help you find your local planned parenthood if you're unaware of it's location. It lists the times the clinic is open, it's location, and the phone number:
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/findCenterProcess.asp
In certain states you must be a specific age to be able to have an abortion without parental consent. You do not specify your age but I thought I'd add it in just in case it became a concern of yours.
I hope that you take enough time to decide what choice is the best before rushing into things.
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Hey, peeps does any one have the game Sims 2
for the pc ! Here is my Question how do you get
sims to marry! I proposed then I got a marriage
arch but I pressed on it and nothing happend!
I kept proposing but nothing worked!!!
Thanks is advance!
Faith42 (link)
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First you need to build up your sims to each other. Have them talk and become friends. After being friends you can have one kiss the other or such and before you know it they'll be in love. Both sims need to like each other enough for the proposal offer to come up on each of them. The one being proposed to will most likely accept after you're able to see they both can propose.
Once the sim actually accepts the proposal, the option to propose will disappear and will be replaced with the marriage choice. You can click on this at any time and they will flip into their formal wear quickly and wed in a few seconds.
So, you don't actually need to purchase the wedding arch if you don't want to or can't afford it in the future when you want to have two sims marry. They can get married anywhere, at any time.
If you want them to be married under the archway then you need to throw a wedding party. Use the phone and click throw party. An option will come up asking what type of party you'd like to throw so make sure you click the option for wedding party. I believe you can invite six wedding guests over--the guests are simply other sims that your sims know or have met.
Midway through the party, which would be about 2:00, click on the archway and have both sims stand under it. I believe the wording actually says "Get Married" when you click on the archway. The guests will gather around quickly and your sims will be wed (ring exchange and all). The wedding doesn't take much time but there won't be much time left for the party to resume once they're finished.
I'd suggest making the party more exciting before actually clicking the archway to wed. The actual wedding will boost the party's score but you really don't want it to drop. If you have a terrible party your sims will remember it and will occasionally be upset when they do. I'm sure you don't want them crying over a crappy wedding party at random.
Inviting sims over for the party that are actually considered friends of your sims will make it easier to have an enjoyable party (since it's unlikely your sims will piss the party guests off). If your sims don't have any friends and you have to invite random sims that yours have met then try to have your sims interact with the guests as much as possible. Try telling jokes, playing games, and talking a lot to the guests.
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if you are 15 and pregnant, is there a way you could get an abortion without your parents knowing? or do you need your parents to do it or what? i do not want them to find out or else i am screwed. its still not a for sure thing but just incase. please help (link)
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It does depend on what state you reside in and I've found a link to help you out in this area. I do want to express my concerns for you and your body though if you do decide abortion is your chosen option.
Abortion can really harm your body just as much as giving birth to a child. I understand your body may not be mature enough to handle pregnancy but no woman's body is truly ready to abort a fetus.
I know it comes down to your body, your life, and possibly even your mistake. I am truly only concerned for your well-being.
Women who have had abortions can experience problems later on. Many women suffer from depression after having an abortion because, in the end, they realize that they have stopped another human life. The dates of conception, abortion, and the date the child would have been born haunts many women. Some woman can't deal with this so much that they end up committing suicide. If that isn't enough, many women experience difficulty conceiving years later after an abortion--yes, it can render you infertile for the rest of your days.
I found a VERY interesting site for teenagers on abortion. These girls had abortions when they were your age and have gained courage to write about their experiences for other teens to read:
http://www.teenbreaks.com/abortion/abortionhome.cfm
Most of them regret that they had an abortion. Many of them cannot get over that fact and have the dates stuck in their minds. I'm sure that when that date passes each year they are reminded of what they went through to rid themselves of a life they were developing inside of their wombs.
I also want to direct you to a site that shows a live abortion. It's in different parts because the speaker gives you a lot of information on what the fetus and the mother will be going through. The video shows the ultra-sound as the procedure happens. It is important you see this before having an abortion so that you know fully what will be happening--it is best to inform yourself. Before clicking the link to watch the video, prepare yourself because it is real life:
http://www.silentscream.org/video1.htm
...Part 3 really starts to show the actual abortion happening. The speaker does add that the doctor that did the abortion never did another one and that the woman filming it never spoke about abortion again, though she was previously for it.
Now, after all of that, if you still choose to seek abortion as your option I'm including the link to the list of states that allow under-age non-parental consent abortions as of July 2007:
http://www.positive.org/Resources/consent.html
Please know that abortion is not your only option. Please give yourself plenty of time to decide what is the best choice. Even if your parents are upset that you are pregnant they will eventually get over it. Some parents can be really hurt in the beginning that their son or daughter disobeyed but, in the end, they still love you. Many parents later realize that the unborn baby IS their grandchild and help their son or daughter to figure out how to raise the baby when it comes.
Please do not put your body through the mess that is abortion. Take your chances and open up to your parents about what has happened. Like I said, even if they are upset they WILL get over it.
Adoption is also an option of yours. Please look into it if you feel you can carry the child but not raise it properly. You can contact an adoption agency in your area or you can relinquish your rights of your child and place it in the custody of the state for adoption. I've read something about Volunteers of America for adoptions being really good but I have no personal experience with them myself. Here is a link directing you to their site:
http://www.voagno.org/Services/ChildrenYouthFamilies/AdoptionServices/tabid/1238/Default.aspx
I hope that you take enough time to decide what choice is the best.
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my friend is getting used by this one guy completely. like its so obvious, and shes never had a boyfriend before. she only met him once in person, and like did a TON of stuff with him. shes acting like a whore, and im sure she'll go farther. shes only 15. should i say something or what? i know shes just gonna get hurt..and i dont wanna pick up the pieces. (link)
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You really need to sit down and have a long discussion with your friend about your thoughts on the matter. I can only assume that "stuff" means sexual activity.
She may be getting swept up into this boy because she is uneducated about her actions. It is now your place to put what knowledge you have of sexual activity and share it with her. I will paste some links below that I really hope you check out and figure out how to share them with her. She, most likely, has no idea what she's dealing with exactly.
The media has fed teenagers this crap about how sexual activity makes them popular, attractive, wealthy, famous, and overall well-liked. The media has told teens over and over again that to fit in they MUST engage in sex with as many people as possible. The media has told us that sex means love when that is not at all what it is now.
The media knows that teenagers have out-of-control hormones as they are maturing. They also know that teenagers want to be popular with their peers and will do things they normally wouldn't just to fit in. The media plays on this--some would think for some sort of sick amusement. There could be some backside to it though--maybe they're wanting STDs/STIs to become so popular that we become infertile, or maybe they want us to reproduce earlier and earlier so that they can mold us into some sort of stupid being that will do anything they want.
Virginity is valuable. We only have one virginity and we can only lose it once. We degrade ourselves when we give it out so quickly before marriage. We should be holding onto it until wedding night when it will be cherished by the husband/wife.
Here is an excellent link about why it's best to keep your virginity until marriage. It has some really good things I bet you've never realized before (and I bet your friend hasn't either). Even if you or your friend engage in sex it's still really interesting to read:
http://www.tagnet.org/adventist.fm/youth/virgin.htm
You also have to consider the thoughts people get when they engage in sex with various partners. They may feel the person (or people) is using them. The person worries about pregnancy--almost fearing the possibility. They may feel that if the person asks to marry them once they are pregnant that they only feel they should because of the pregnancy. The person worries that they may be left, especially if they are not good in bed. They also worry that if they aren't good in bed that the person may cheat on them. Married couples tend not to experience these problems. Sounds like sex should wait, right? Right.
Along with losing your virginity (or engaging in any sexual activity really) is the risk of STDs/STIs. These can really mess a person up if they become sexually active with a carrier. People can become deformed, infertile, and have major brain deterioration. Babies can be born with STDs passed from their mothers so every one is at risk. Sometimes STDs/STIs aren't noticed because they don't show symptoms until very late stages--when they've been passed on to multiple partners and are destroying bodies.
Here is a link to some VERY scary facts about STDs now. You've be extremely surprised at how many people now have some sort of STD and how much money we are putting toward trying to find cures for them:
http://www.ashastd.org/learn/learn_statistics.cfm
There's also the point that a person should be 100% knowledgeable about sex before engaging in it. Part of this is major research on STDs/STIs and what they do to the body. Many people don't realize how serious they can be. Here are some photos of STDs and what they look like (mainly male photos, some female; photos are behind other links):
http://www.healthac.org/images.html
Pregnancy is usually the only consequence young people think of when they engage in sex. No matter what kind of birth control you use (or how many methods you use) none are 100% completely protective. You can catch any STD/STI or become pregnant if you engage in sexual activity.
Pregnancy can really harm a woman's body if she isn't ready to conceive. Her body needs to be matured and healthy with the right vitamins/nutrients. A baby takes a lot from a woman's body during and after pregnancy.
A baby needs 100% of a person's attention 100% of the time. A baby is very costly emotionally, physically, and financially. All of your time, emotions, and money goes toward a baby until they are grown--and even then they will come to you with problems for your advice. Here is a link to costs of a baby in the first year alone:
http://www.surebaby.com/costs.php
Even if you think that an abortion is best if there happens to be a pregnancy, consider the consequences of that action too. Some women suffer major depression for many years after having an abortion. There are cases of women committing suicide years after having an abortion because they couldn't deal with what they had done. Some women become infertile and can no longer have any children. Some really good men refuse to be with a woman who has had an abortion. Throwing a life away because you wanted to have some fun should be an unacceptable option.
You can check out my column for some things I've let other teenagers know about sex that you may want to include when you sit down for discussion with your friend. I've tried to say most of it here but I'm sure I've forgotten some.
Get yourself completely informed and then inform your friend. Show her the links too. Explain things to her. Even if she gets really upset by what you say you will know that you did your best to help inform her. You are a caring friend for wanting to help her in this situation. Please do what you can to educate her as much as possible so that she can make the right decision.
I hope your talk goes well and she listens to what you have to say.
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