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my friend is getting used by this one guy completely. like its so obvious, and shes never had a boyfriend before. she only met him once in person, and like did a TON of stuff with him. shes acting like a whore, and im sure she'll go farther. shes only 15. should i say something or what? i know shes just gonna get hurt..and i dont wanna pick up the pieces.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
You really need to sit down and have a long discussion with your friend about your thoughts on the matter. I can only assume that "stuff" means sexual activity.
She may be getting swept up into this boy because she is uneducated about her actions. It is now your place to put what knowledge you have of sexual activity and share it with her. I will paste some links below that I really hope you check out and figure out how to share them with her. She, most likely, has no idea what she's dealing with exactly.
The media has fed teenagers this crap about how sexual activity makes them popular, attractive, wealthy, famous, and overall well-liked. The media has told teens over and over again that to fit in they MUST engage in sex with as many people as possible. The media has told us that sex means love when that is not at all what it is now.
The media knows that teenagers have out-of-control hormones as they are maturing. They also know that teenagers want to be popular with their peers and will do things they normally wouldn't just to fit in. The media plays on this--some would think for some sort of sick amusement. There could be some backside to it though--maybe they're wanting STDs/STIs to become so popular that we become infertile, or maybe they want us to reproduce earlier and earlier so that they can mold us into some sort of stupid being that will do anything they want.
Virginity is valuable. We only have one virginity and we can only lose it once. We degrade ourselves when we give it out so quickly before marriage. We should be holding onto it until wedding night when it will be cherished by the husband/wife.
Here is an excellent link about why it's best to keep your virginity until marriage. It has some really good things I bet you've never realized before (and I bet your friend hasn't either). Even if you or your friend engage in sex it's still really interesting to read:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
You also have to consider the thoughts people get when they engage in sex with various partners. They may feel the person (or people) is using them. The person worries about pregnancy--almost fearing the possibility. They may feel that if the person asks to marry them once they are pregnant that they only feel they should because of the pregnancy. The person worries that they may be left, especially if they are not good in bed. They also worry that if they aren't good in bed that the person may cheat on them. Married couples tend not to experience these problems. Sounds like sex should wait, right? Right.
Along with losing your virginity (or engaging in any sexual activity really) is the risk of STDs/STIs. These can really mess a person up if they become sexually active with a carrier. People can become deformed, infertile, and have major brain deterioration. Babies can be born with STDs passed from their mothers so every one is at risk. Sometimes STDs/STIs aren't noticed because they don't show symptoms until very late stages--when they've been passed on to multiple partners and are destroying bodies.
Here is a link to some VERY scary facts about STDs now. You've be extremely surprised at how many people now have some sort of STD and how much money we are putting toward trying to find cures for them:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
There's also the point that a person should be 100% knowledgeable about sex before engaging in it. Part of this is major research on STDs/STIs and what they do to the body. Many people don't realize how serious they can be. Here are some photos of STDs and what they look like (mainly male photos, some female; photos are behind other links):
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Pregnancy is usually the only consequence young people think of when they engage in sex. No matter what kind of birth control you use (or how many methods you use) none are 100% completely protective. You can catch any STD/STI or become pregnant if you engage in sexual activity.
Pregnancy can really harm a woman's body if she isn't ready to conceive. Her body needs to be matured and healthy with the right vitamins/nutrients. A baby takes a lot from a woman's body during and after pregnancy.
A baby needs 100% of a person's attention 100% of the time. A baby is very costly emotionally, physically, and financially. All of your time, emotions, and money goes toward a baby until they are grown--and even then they will come to you with problems for your advice. Here is a link to costs of a baby in the first year alone:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Even if you think that an abortion is best if there happens to be a pregnancy, consider the consequences of that action too. Some women suffer major depression for many years after having an abortion. There are cases of women committing suicide years after having an abortion because they couldn't deal with what they had done. Some women become infertile and can no longer have any children. Some really good men refuse to be with a woman who has had an abortion. Throwing a life away because you wanted to have some fun should be an unacceptable option.
You can check out my column for some things I've let other teenagers know about sex that you may want to include when you sit down for discussion with your friend. I've tried to say most of it here but I'm sure I've forgotten some.
Get yourself completely informed and then inform your friend. Show her the links too. Explain things to her. Even if she gets really upset by what you say you will know that you did your best to help inform her. You are a caring friend for wanting to help her in this situation. Please do what you can to educate her as much as possible so that she can make the right decision.
I hope your talk goes well and she listens to what you have to say.
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as her friend... you should tell her how you feel and that youre not trying to hurt her or anything you just care about her and dont want to see her hurt...and just tell her everything you feel like you need to...most likely shell be like whatever to you and will most likely choose the guy but at least you tried you know :/
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