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weird relationship with a boy
im 16. he's 17.
one night about 2 weeks ago me and this guy that i've been talking to got drunk and made out. the next day i asked if it was just because he was drunk and he said, no, that he likes me. but i dont think he wants a relationship. i havent known him for long. (about 3 or 4 months) but i know his brother well. anyway i know he wants to have sex. i'm a virgin and he deffinately is not. i told him that i'm not easy and he'd have to work for me. so he takes me out to dinner a lot. well about twice a week and he'll give me a goodnight kiss and drop me off at my house. sometimes we'll just hang out somewhere. we're not going out but its not exactly a friends with benefits relationship...yet. i would like to have sex with him but i dont want to just give him whatever he wants so fast. im afraid that if i bring up the topic of a relationship that it'd scare him off. i've had a friends with benefits relationship before but it didn't last long so i didn't do much but im open to the possibility of having one. i'm not even sure what my question is i guess i just need some advice on how to deal with this situation because i've never had a problem like this. by the way: he knows im a virgin and pretty much unexperienced except for hand jobs so its not like he's going after me because i'm an easy whore.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
First off, before you make a dead-set decision on pursuing anything other than simple friendship with this guy you need to fully understand something. The guy is not interested in you at all. He only wants sex from you and he will do what he has to do to get it. I know it may hurt a little to realize this but it is absolutely true.
Now, you simply may not be his type or it may be that you're a bit of a challenge for him and winning your virginity would make him feel like he was something. Any way it is, he isn't interested in you as anything more than a night of sex or two. If he wanted a real relationship, he would really be pursuing that instead of trying to win over your body. He also would verbally tell you if he was interested in more than a sex-buddy and had any respect for you.
I also want to note that telling someone you WILL have sex with them but that they have to "work" for it still means you're pretty easy. You've already told him you would so he knows exactly how to go about it. You're really degrading yourself even by hanging around this dude. You are better than this.
I know what it all comes down to is that it's your life, your body, your decision, and possibly even your mistake. I am really concerned for your well-being though and I really feel I should point out some things to you. It is best to keep yourself informed and well-educated and I simply want to ensure that you are both.
Before engaging in any sexual activity you really need to be well-informed. You don't want to be caught in a situation that you have no knowledge about. I'm simply going to point out some things that you need to be knowledgeable about before pursuing a sexual relationship.
The media is telling younger and younger generations that sexual activity makes them famous, popular, attractive, wealthy, well-liked, and feel-good. This is not true at all and if you and your partner aren't educated enough about sexual activity then it's pretty much a waste of time and can leave you with emotional insecurities.
Having sexual relations is a major thing. It puts you in a very vulnerable state. You are risking STD/STI transmission and possibly pregnancy along with emotional, physical, and mental hang-ups to develop.
Just because your hormones and the media are telling you to do it, it doesn't mean it's right and acceptable. Your virginity (in all ways) should be a very valuable thing that should be cherished. Once you engage in sexual activity, you cannot take it back. If something bad happens, things get out of hand, or you catch something from the activity you cannot magically pretend it didn't happen. We should make it a special point to choose careful who we give it to.
Losing your virginity is a one-time deal. You never give it back no matter what you do. It should be a special thing to give your virginity to your husband (trust me, the man you marry would be thrilled to receive that sort of gift on the wedding night). Before jumping into things, discuss the consequences and think it all over. Look ahead at what you want your life to become and how engaging in sexual activity now could affect your future.
If you think about it, people that are married and have sex don't have as many problems as unmarried sex partners do. They never fear they're being used or will be left. They're able to open up and tell each other what they desire without fear. They know that if a pregnancy happens that they will get through it together with each other's support. They also aren't fearful of catching an STD from their partner because they know they're their only partner. Both partners tend to be fully satisfied because they're able to communicate well with each other and they're able to feel emotionally secure.
Here is a list of 25 reasons why you shouldn't engage in sexual activity/lose your virginity. I understand that you may be dead set on engaging in sexual activities but it's still something interesting to read and to think about:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Here is also a link on some things about virginity. I think it has some neat points and gives examples to explain what they're talking about:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Then there is always the point about pregnancy. No matter what birth control method you use (even if you use two) it isn't going to be 100% effective on preventing pregnancy and STD/STI transmission. A baby takes a lot from a woman's body during pregnancy and if your body isn't mature enough to handle it, it can really be rough. In addition, if you don't have good support from your partner then you're left holding all of the bags. You'll have to figure out what to do with the baby, decide if you can raise it and how, and give up any future goals you have so that you can focus on the child. A baby takes 100% of your time, energy, money, and emotional support 100% of the time.
It's even tougher if you don't have a life-long partner to help share that huge responsibility. What's even scarier about that is that men and women today are just up and leaving their children with their partners to handle the responsibility all alone. This means people need to be pickier on who they reproduce with and stop sleeping with any thing that crosses their path even if they claim to love them. Making children isn't hard, it's raising them that gets complicated.
One night of sex can result in creating another life or living with a disease the rest of yours. I know many people who lost their virginity and became pregnant (or had gotten the girl pregnant) the same night. They weren't emotionally ready to have children but they made one mistake and they now have a tough road ahead of them trying to make enough money and time for their child.
Even if you think that you can have an abortion if there happens to be a pregnancy, think about the consequences of that action even. Some women suffer major depression for many years after having an abortion. There are cases of women committing suicide years after having an abortion because they couldn't deal with what they had done. Some women become infertile and can no longer have any children. Some really good men refuse to be with a woman who has had an abortion. Throwing a life away because you wanted to have some fun should be an unacceptable option.
Here are some facts you want to consider on pregnancy:
"...you thought the home pregnancy test was expensive! The costs of raising a baby to age 18 costs between $125,000-$250,000 and that's not including college tuition! In your baby's first year alone, you can easily spend between $9,000-$11,000..."
"...childcare can cost as much as $3,000-$4,500 in your baby's first year, not to mention the higher insurance premium for adding an additional person."
"Don't forget about the delivery! It easily costs between $5,000-$8,000 for a normal vaginal delivery, up to $12,000 for a cesarean delivery and much more if there are complications."
"...plan on spending between $1,600-$2,300 by the time your baby is potty-trained. Expect your baby to go through at least 7-8 diapers a day on average and spending $80-$130 a month on diapers alone (especially in the first few months, when changes are more frequent.)"
"For formula (up until your baby is one-year-old), expect to spend between $1,000-$2,300- depending on whether you use powder in a can or ready-to-pour liquids. Plan on spending at least $40 a week on infant formula."
...taken from:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
You risk STDs/STIs with each sexual contact. These can render you infertile and you won't be able to ever have children. If it doesn't do that, it could hide in you and you could end up spreading it to every partner you ever have without knowing it. Even at that, some STDs can deteriorate the brain and be so severe that they cause a long, painful death years later.
A lot of people have STDs/STIs and don't even know it. Many people don't show symptoms. This means that many mothers pass on things to their unborn babies. I'm sure none of us would like to find out 20 years from now that we had contracted HIV/AIDs and that our baby has it too now because we passed it along.
Here are some amazingly scary facts about STDs currently:
"More than half of all people will have an STD/STI at some point in their lifetime.
The estimated total number of people living in the US with a viral STD/STI is over 65 million. Every year, there are at least 19 million new cases of STDs/STIs, some of which are curable.
More than $8 billion is spent each year to diagnose and treat STDs/STIs and their complications. This figure does not include HIV.
In a national survey of US physicians, fewer than one-third routinely screened patients for STDs/STIs.
Less than half of adults ages 18 to 44 have ever been tested for an STD/STI other than HIV/AIDS.
Each year, one in four teens contracts an STD/STI.
One in two sexually active persons will contact an STD/STI by age 25.
About half of all new STDs/STIs in 2000 occurred among youth ages 15 to 24. The total estimated costs of these nine million new cases of these STDs/STIs was $6.5 billion, with HIV and human papillomavirus (HPV) accounting for 90% of the total burden."
...and it goes on! Right here...
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
...and here's some photos of SOME STDs (graphic photos of mostly males, you have to click on links to choose which ones you want to see though so if you click here it isn't going to pop up a bunch of photos). It's important that you check these photos out so that you know what STDs can do to a person's body:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
You should not be in a rush to have sex. You have plenty of years ahead of you. You're young and should be enjoying your youth rather than trying to make major life-altering decisions. There are plenty of things to do that you can be having fun at that doesn't mean risking your health and emotional state.
I also want to note that women get emotionally attached to men when sex is involved. Women have a hard time not developing feelings for men when they are sex partners. This proves to be a problem because the man usually does not develop these feelings back and uses the woman simply as a piece of meat. Many men have figured out when the woman develops these feelings moreso and plays on them so string her along until he finds a new partner. Women tend to have a hard time getting over this and this can cause them pain years later--making them feel used, abused, and so disrespected that they don't even think of themselves as human any more.
Please make sure you really sit down and research before you make any drastic decisions. It's also important that your partner is fully informed of all of the possible consequences so it may be best if you share the above links with him.
I want you to know that I think you're better than to put yourself out there like this. I also want you to know that you don't have to do this to yourself. Please make the right decision.
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Your're only 16 there are other guys to come that don't go for you just for sex,he's using you for sex after he gets what he wants you'll be just another girl,i'm sure your're smarter then that you'll regret it lose to someone you know you'll last with you don't want to have sex with him and then something bad goes wrong and you regret it.
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alright. first, you shouldnt be having sex at 16. but i know that you want him to like you :] but still make you know you really love him and he loves you before you have sex.
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