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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

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Hello, I'm 14 5'0 and 100 pounds, I plan on losing weight so i can be 90 pounds or even less. I've been doing this by counting calories, skipping breakfast, and lunch as well. So for a while I've been keeping my calorie count below 500 and not eating any junk food. Sometimes, however, it is really hard to not eat. Usually what happens is for most of the week I don't eat but then one day I cave in and end up binging. I've been doing this since the Summer and I've been seing the results I want but I'm hoping to get rid of this whole binging shit so I could lose more weight faster. It seems like once I eat one thing I can't stop. I can't puke it out afterwards unless I'm at school, alone, or a different house because my bathroom door doesn't have a lock on it and my parents never knock. I also wanna find a way out of dinner because the only reason I even eat it is bc of my parents. Anybody know how to work around all of this?

Hey Dear,

Just so You don't think its one person's opinion only so it doesn't matter or it is wrong, I am backing up everything Adviceman said. It is true and correct and it starts with your reproductive system shutting down. For teen girls who may want to marry and have her own kids someday, this is the time on average that most girls have started a period. Even so, your system is immature and still needs to finish growing. If you are depriving yourself of foods which are the nourishment or fuel your body needed for all systems to grow and then continue to function correctly, you will slowly wear down til nothing is working and then as said, you will die.

Here's an interesting fact. Our bodies are made to heal themselves over colds and flus. But even adult women with normal periods and no eating disorders will experience certain months when she gets a delayed or No period at all because all the bodies resources are going toward fighting the germ attack. That hon, is how sensitive your reproductive system is. If a healthy women has skipped periods during a time of stress to the body like sickness, then know it is also stressful to the body to not have the fuel it needs to survive. Just as a period doesn't come one month for a women with the flu, other organs in your body need fuel to function and when you deprive them by not eating or eating too little, they will do the same your reproductive system did...and one by one the organs shut down and then you die.

Think of this as a car not getting the fuel, oil jobs and maintenance needed to run well. If an owner neglects that, then certain things start to run rough and more parts join that and eventually the car just stops and will never run again because it has been abused. At this point, we buy noew parts or a new engine to put in a car to get it working again. It can't be done for humans. When ALL your organs fail, they can not be All replaced at once and so unlike a car you can not ever be revived and you die.
So you are on a path headed to death. I see that as a less aggressive way to taking ones own life because instead of sudden death, its a process of slowly getting to the point of no return, death. Doesn't matter the process of how you get there, both result in same prognosis, 'you're dead'.

I know you can't see anything wrong with what you are doing and we didn't say what you wanted to hear. We can't give you ways to get around it because there aren't any. This always ends in eventual death. SO you are going to have to do something that inside you'll be screaming it's wrong, but you need to trust your parents, tell them and see a doctor. If anything else, just humor us. It is because of how you think on the subject and you truly can't and don't think anything on this subject correctly, that you are in danger. If treated now, doctors can help you but that means you will have to truly give it your best and just trust the Drs even if it feels like it goes against what feels right to you. You will need to go through this process of doubting or being mad at people for what they keep telling you that you need to do but this is normal and don't worry that you're doing something wrong. It won't make sense to you until your mind and how you think about weight and eating is healthy again.

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How do I get a guy to like me enough to ask me out?

Lets turn the question around because it can do wonders to give you a better perspective on what you just asked.

Lets say there is a guy, not the one you are crushing on but some quiet, nerdy, not even handsome to you guy who wants to know what he can do to get you to like him enough that you will ask him out?

Of course, if you already liked a guy, it would only be a matter of being brave enough to ask him, right?
What if the guy didn't interest you? Close your eyes and play the scene in your mind. There's the guy who you don't like or maybe even creeps you out. Unknown to you, He's had a crush on you for a while. Now try to picture him saying certain things or doing things that will make you like him enough to ask him out. What is he doing? Is he giving you gifts? Would a gift, no matter how small, be something that makes you fall for him and no longer be bored or disgusted with him but automatically have romantic feelings for or just liking him and wanting to ask him out? Would there be anything he can say? If a guy paid you a compliment or does it a lot, would that be enough to make you choose to see him in a different light? If you are truly honest with yourself, no matter how nice a guy is or even if he is pretty good looking, if you just aren't feeling the vibes, there is nothing that can make you feel them. Theres a reason for that. We all have something called pheromones and this is the one thing all mammals have and humans are mammals meaning having babies fed by milk. That's how animals attract mates. It works for humans the same except that you won't be attracted to just any old guy or any guy attracted to ALL women. The reason is the degree to which your pheromones match those of the other guy. I am telling you this now because this is a scientific fact that will mess you up in dating your entire life at any age if you don't learn to shrug off the ones you liked but had no connection and keep searching til you find one who does. Ever wonder why so many teens aren't dating long term? Its over in weeks, a month, maybe 6 months but it doesn't last because no one is choosing their BF GF with this in mind.
You also need to know that quite often, one person will feel attraction but the other doesn't. The one feeling attraction is feeling that only on some levels but not the pheromone or chemistry one as I also call it. You can have things in common, be attracted to their looks or characteristics/personality with the only thing missing, that pheremone connection. And that makes all the difference. I will tell you as an older female who's experienced this myself, if kissed by someone I liked everything else about, without the pheromone connection, the kiss was gross and disgusting like being kissed romantically by your Dad or a creep. It just won't be there. But if you have a strong enough connection, you will feel a spark and tingles and good feelings all over and want more, not want to end it.
With everything I've tried to teach you here, is there a way that anyone can actually answer that question of yours dear? I hope you see that there is no way to force this.
All you can do is be yourself. Please don't pretend to be what you think he likes because there are couples where the one fell for the fake person and later when they weren't thinking and reverted back to their own personality, the person they thought they caught, then leaves them because they are not what they first portrayed themselves to be. So just be you. It may not be enough to grab the interest of fickle immature HS boys but give males a few years and they will begin to have their own favorites of what they are attracted to in women and we're not talking media portrayals of model types but just regular females, realistic females. As males grow older, they being to learn what they like and they will stick with that unless they are a player and any gal will do.

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Every night I stay up till around 3 in the morning thinking about what I did wrong that day. How can I just let go and sleep?

People will tell you to not think of that then but it's not as simple as using your willpower to stop. It isn't hard to stop but the short retraining period you put your mind through will be very irritating. I have used this technique plenty of times.
The moment you catch yourself thinking about things you don't want to or not at that particular time, stop whatever else you may be doing and acknowledge that thought being there in your mind. Then tell yourself either out loud or internally, but you have to actually speak to yourself for your subconscious mind to get this. You will be telling your self, or your sub conscious mind that it needs to stop thinking about your day because it is time to go to sleep. A practice of keeping a written journal in which you write of your concerns is a good way to preserve them without focusing on them so late at night. If you unload your thoughts in a journal before you lay down then you can also remind your sub. mind that you have already written down your thoughts or concerns.
As far as being overly concerned about what you are doing wrong you need a tweaking of your point of view on that. It is through our mistakes that we learn if we are alert to the fact and paying attention. When some people make mistakes, they repeat the same mistakes over and over because they never gave it a thought like "What can I learn from this experience?" So as far as that goes, there are no long hours of mulling this over. There is nothing else you can do but recognize the same situation in the future and then change how you respond. In fact, if you begin to keep a journal, at the top of a page list what you feel was the error, mistake, or wrong choice and date it. leave the area below free to put in a paragraph of what you learned from it. It could be that your subconscious is afraid you are not going to remember the lessons you learned and do it right later even though your conscious mind knows better. So keeping a journal to remind yourself of how you learned to do better is a good thing. If you think you can, find a way to say, "I am glad for that mistake because I learned 'this and that' from it." Say it aloud to yourself when alone if you don't like to write and keep a journal. This is then going to be a must. Be specific of which mistake and also on what you learned from it. Until your subconscious and conscious minds are on the same page of not worrying and overthinking, it can still occur. But even that is not a mistake but a process of learning and the key word here is 'RETRAINING' your mind.

I have read plenty lists of what not to do before you intend to go to bed. No watching TV or computer screens as the light emitted messes with our bodies internal clock of when sleep should occur. No vigorous exercise. Some say it makes them tired but it revs me up and my heart rate is faster from whatever activity raised it. No coffee unless you're one of the few it puts to sleep. Don't take anything else with caffeine in it like pops, black teas, etc. No eating late. There are organs in your body that have a nightly cycle they go through usually at the hours you are asleep. They process based not on what you just ate but meals earlier in the day. If you just ate before bed, your body won't be able to rest because those organs will also have to process the recent late meal later and so you can end up still awake.You can also search for a list of 'things to do to help fall asleep or things to avoid doing so you can fall asleep'.

If you didn't have the problem of thoughts focused on what you did wrong as the reason you're up late, then it would only be insomnia and there are sleep aids for that, either Dr. prescribes, in pharmacies or there are natural ones too in vitamin supplement shops or health food stores. That is not what you said however. So if you didn't explain correctly and still need help, just try again and write what the actual problem is, what you have tried to cure it and any list of personal habits before bed. Good luck.

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My question was For, what i think are, obvious reasons him and I both love bruises all over my body but he's been struggling to bruise me. Yes he can give me hickeys but that's not all I like, I really enjoy fingerprints on my inner thigh and hips. How can I help him do this, like what are some tips for him and I to try so he can master the fingertip bruises?
You gave a great explanation that might help others but not myself. I am not trying to change him, he came to me and asked me to help him because he likes it wayyy more than I do. He wasn't abused as a child and even though we were both raised in the south and taught to respect others ESPECIALLY women(from a male standpoint) he still wants to give bruises but PHYSICALLY can't. I am still left in the dark of how he can do this and so is he. Any advice?

When you say he physically can't, that means it is not a mental block but something to do with his strength. Does he have some disability or is he out of shape with very weak muscles, especially in the hands? You don't have to answer me. If it's a specific disability, check out on line support groups for those with and their loved ones and I would ask there how others deal with the disability, a disease that affects strength especially in hands, or having a prosthesis.
If it's weak hand muscles, usually men have stronger hands already without exercise but I have heard of a few in my life who were for example too weak in hands and one couldn't even carry a gallon of milk as it was too heavy for him. There are specific exercises one can do to strengthen hands. The easiest is him using a hand stress ball, those things you sqeeze, because it also strengthens the hand. Ages ago, an old gym I attended had weights attached to what was like spinning handle bars like on a bike. If he attends a gym he can ask there if they have something for strengthening hand muscles. Heres a link to hand exercises:

https://www.webmd.com/osteoarthritis/ss/slideshow-hand-finger-exercises

If its not truly physical as I am guessing by the words in this latest post, then it could only be a mental block and that is something I have no idea what to tell him. I know there is such a thing as sex counselors for any sexually related issues a couple can't fix on their own. As embarassing as it may feel, these people have heard everything and not bring their own feelings, beliefs or agenda to the table.

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Hello. 21/F. I felt like I needed to vent somewhere but I can never tell anyone my true feelings. I am already 21 y/o but I have never had a relationship with anyone, I have never even kissed. My younger brother has already had countless girlfriends and has done it all. My youngest sibling, my sister, has just recently been kissed by the boy she likes. While I am very happy for her, I just felt this deep wave of depression come over me. It was awful. I have liked so many guys but never managed to have any of them reciprocate the feelings back. Recently I was beginning to wonder if I should just resign to the fact that I will probably stay alone for the rest of my life. I'm not very sociable, and its very hard for me to be in social situations, so its easy for me to become lonely after a certain period of time. The few guys who have shown interest in me I have not seen that way, are too old or young for me (usually ends up just creeping me out).

This is when it occurred to me... that maybe I just wasn't that interested in guys. This past year I began to question my sexuality because I started to notice that I've never had a boyfriend and usually the guys I'm interested in are unattainable in some form or way. I started to try and imagine myself being with a girl... and was surprised to find that I didn't really mind the idea. My family though... is not very supportive of the LGBT community. I myself was supportive before I started questioning myself, but now I'm scared. If it turns out that's who I really am I don't know if I'd ever be able to tell them. I don't think I could. But I still don't know because I haven't dated either sex, and personally, I believe in falling for a person for who they are, not for their gender. I'm very confused and don't know what to do next because this is giving me a lot of anxiety.

You are simply disappointed at still being alone and so are willing to try anything else that might remotely help you find love. But you are not lesbian. Why? Lesbians can see hunky chunky guy and it never gets the juices flowing and experiencing sexual attraction or thoughts about the guy. That's reality though most don't get too graphic about what goes on internally. If you had said, 'I have liked so many girls but they never reciprocate . . .' then you would be lesbian. You don't have to have been with a guy or gal to know which sex you are attracted to. The only exception is people who are equally sexually aroused and attracted to both sexes in which case you would be bi-sexual. You are not that either.

A problem may be that guys are not attracted back simply because of something you haven't thought of as an issue. You did say, I'm not very sociable.

Depending on what you meant to tell us, or using the wrong words to do so, your phrase could mean anything ranging from preferring to be a home-body and not go places, to being the quiet, reserved type of personality who doen't like big groups of people--just a few close friends, to having a social anxiety.
So I have a question for you to ask yourself: Have I been attracted to the more outgoing, friendly guys or the quiet, introverted types? Heres why I feel thats important. I used to be socially anxious and it doesnt go away by ignoring it. The cure however is simple, easy and if its the case for you, I can share the cure.
You either have one of the first two descriptions true for you which is part of who you are and if you are attracted to the more visual, easily seen guys because they are so social, then you may be too different from their personality type for them to find any return interest in you. If however its social anxiety, or shyness as it used to be called in my past, then again you don't stand out. I remember no guys interested in dating me in HS cus I wasn't cured til the end of my last year and only because that was when I finally got tired of being like that and asked God for help. The help I was told is exactly what I've found in todays books for that issue by psychologists so its not a vague thing I think I heard from God but what Drs. realize works. Looking back, if i was outgoing, self confident and was looking for a guy I was attracted to, I had to admit, I would not have looked at the quiet silent introvert types, they would not have stood out for one thing and they would have seemed boring. Theres' nothing wrong with it being a personality type. But you'd have to be looking for someone close to the same personality type. Even in a relationship, if one is talkative and the other only internalizes their thoughts, never sharing, one would be irritated that the other doesn't communicate enough while the other feels put off that their partner is always yammering at them and trying to get them to answer.
We should probably talk more. It would be good to know your age as some of the issues can be age related due to the fact of life experience or not. I remember my teen years and early marriage and then again, dating after a divorce. It would help if you could describe whether its your personality type and give details, or whether it's social anxiety so I can attempt to better help you. There is a logical way to go at this to get what you want dear. If you want a job, you have to jump through their hoops but biggest to catching their attention first off is your resume in which you highlight your self, describing your strengths and weaknesses, what skills you have to bring to the table, etc. So this is as much about knowing yourself as knowing what you need in a man and want in a man. Need and want are two different things. I can address that if need be and explain. But I need to know more before I share more. I have tricks for gaining self confidence even if need be besides curing social anxiety and how to find Mr. Right. But advice right now can't be specified to what you actually need and you may not need half the things i share while guessing. SO its your turn hon. I don't mind long detailed messages. They're actually more helpful to me.

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I've been in a relationship for about 11months, and this is the second time we are dating.. The first one lasted for about a year and five months then we ended it on mutual agreement.. Two days ago, my boyfriend (now ex) called me and told me that he found his calling and after many years of running away from it, he decided to do what God wants him to and he doesn't want distractions.He also said that the first thing that came to his mind in the list of distractions is his relationship.. He said he wants to cut it off and he loves me but he needed to do so. I was shocked, I couldnt cry or talk, I was shaking allover.. I old him earlier in our relationship that it takes quite a long time for me to fall in love, then I fell in love with him, and now he broke it off again.. I feel sad, wasted, devastated and my friends have been trying to calm me but it's not working.. Everything I do reminds me of him.. What can I do to get over it cs it's hurting me..

I will comment first on the fact that he said God told him to get rid of distractions. And the finality that a relationship with you is a distraction for him.
After all, the reason he broke it off with you is because he says he heard this from God.

I can relate in a totally different way but will tell you my story. I am a grandma now and in looking back, I can understand and with understanding, even it we don't like it or its hurtful, we can eventually find peace for our soul. So here goes:

I never really dated and the first guy interested in me after HS, is the one I asked God about. I'll call him Fred. Fred had been hinting at plans for the future so I asked God one day, should I marry him? The answer came back yes. My parents liked him too and we married. A few months after marrying, he began to change. What I know now is that people show you what they think you want to see and hide what they feel are their imperfections and bad habits. So he started to show more of his real self which turned out to be verbally abusive. He only got worse over the years. We had 3 kids and though he yelled at them, the majority of verbal abuse was directed at me. We met a couple who the male of the couple was ex army and had been a counselor in the army. He recognized some real big issues and talked to my husband about seeing a counselor. Eventually he went a couple times and I went with in the beginning. I overheard him many times say he was only going to make me happy cus he didn't intend to do what the Dr says cus he didn't believe there was anything wrong with him. This was at the end of the marriage. I talked privately with the psychologist and decided that based on the resistance and how long it could take, that I wasn't willing to stay til the end of my life. About that time, God was telling me all sorts of interesting things and remember, God was the one who told me to marry him. The church taught to trust God to heal your marriage so I had always stuck with it. But I was shocked when God told me that He couldn't do anything to heal my marriage because he gave free will to each of us. The husband had been given almost 30 years to learn to treat me better and make tiny steps toward getting better but was getting worse and was resistant. The only way God could fix my husbands decision to resist help was to take away his free will and force him to start treating me well. I also heard from God that if I did not leave him, that I would die from the stress in four years time. Hearth disease and cancer were in my family and I knew those can come along just through extreme stress which I'd been under for decades. God knew my body was about to give out. But I had a choice to stay or go. What I had to do is learn to love myself enough to no longer force myself to take abuse from him or anyone. Can't change him, so the only option to getting rid of that stress is to walk away. I had 2 kids out of the home on their own and the youngest didnt want to come with me. The ex army counselor and wife actually took me in as I left him. He knew I wanted a divorce but resisted that too so I just packed my clothes and a few of my own items, and left. I was tested again with a boyfriend I met and shared an apt with cus I couldn't afford my own at the time and he ended up being as controlling and bad as my husband. I ended it with him too which was scary for me but realized in doing it a 2nd time that I would never allow myself to be abused again. I loved myself 100% where I only thought I did in the past. Its not a loving thing to willingly let yourself be abused.
Looking back, I can see I would never have learned that, which God said was the biggest thing I had to learn in my life, that's why He told me to get married. If it hadn't been Fred, I could have met a guy who also beat me as well. It was meant to be for my learning.
I know its a long story to get to the point but I don't think you would have understood what I am trying to tell you.

So how I relate my story to your BF saying God told him to not marry you could have some very significant reason for something he has to learn in his life that he would not learn if he was married to you. You are not a bad person, but a distraction from what God wants him to experience and learn most in life. God also knows how much this will hurt you.
It's not punishment for you, He loves you equally but he has something to accomplish with BF that you won't understand until later in life. It could be that He also has a plan for something major for you to learn in life that couldn't happen if married to BF or with him life long. He knows all the time invested in this man is gone in the blink of an eye. He knows you don't fall in love easily. But He does know who you need to meet to find love again.
Right now, focus on going thru your grieving completely. Some people will skip steps or get stuck and never progress. Grief doesn't just happen when a loved one dies, but loss of the perfect job and the break of a relationship.It might be very helpful to pick up a book on all the steps of grief. You'll find there's no timeline for completing any steps, just getting through them all in your own time. Once you feel ready again to meet a guy, the kind you can fall in love with, let me know. I'll be here. I have something that God gave to me when I was ready after the ex to meet some one. I followed Gods instructions. It isn't something that works for just one person, but since based on psychology of how humans act and what they need, it applies to everyone and I have been sharing it with many. I call it, how to find Mr. Right. I don't care if its 3 years from now, whenever you ask me, I have this document saved and can paste it in for you. Just refer to what its for if you don't remember a title.

I found it comforting to know God wanted me to make this list. He knows what I need but I had to know what I need and want in a guy so I could recognize it when I see it. That's why when I met the guy who became my second husband, we both had a list of what we were looking for and we recognized it in each other in just a couple weeks and married in two months and after 8+ yrs with him, its still terrific and I'm so glad I made my list. It helped. But only when you are ready dear.

As for pain with the memories, I still see, hear and experience things that remind me of my life with my ex and due to kids, grandkids, I see him pretty regular but the pain is no longer connected to those things. You can't ever forget the things that remind you of him dear, that would be amnesia and you wouldn't remember anything else. Theres no way to selectively have amnesia of only him. So, wait and see how you feel after going through your grieving. At that point, if you still find you spend too much time thinking of him or hurting, then it time to work on your thought life and I can help with that too. Best wishes for your future dear and hang in there. It does get better.

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My cousin believes in god, but doesn’t believe everything in the Bible and doesn’t believe in going to church because “too many corrupt people in the church and it’s all about money and other things and not god”. She says you don’t need church to learn about god and a a lot of things have been changed in the Bible and it’s not true, etc.

I understand that perfectly. I no longer attend church for some those reasons but many more. I consider myself spiritual but not religious. Religious comes from the word religion. Have you heard the term 'organized religion?'
It means: a structured system of faith or worship, especially one followed by a large number of people, such as Christianity, Islam, or Judaism, not to mention others.
It has nothing to do with believing in the Christian God or anything else but it is what the dictionary description says, very structured. The structure is not a bad thing. Think of when you were a little kid in school. The teacher structured your day. There was time set aside to do several subjects, time to creative art stuff and recess for play. As a child, you couldn't come up with a better way to learn on your own, true? And so it is for new believers of any belief system. Churches structured systems help a new believer phenomenally! I support that. But some people outgrow the church eventually as they internally go beyond relying on the structure and really having a relationship with God. There are things God has taught me that I could not learn in church. I no longer attend but I still find plenty of people out in the regular world to touch and bless, something most churches try to do but fail at because they are too segregated from humanity in their church settings. I've been there done that. It doesnt make a person any less a Christian if they no longer read the Bible but have a one on one personal relationship with God. I don't know if your friend has that but what is most important to God, is not being a member of a religious group but our spiritual growth. That takes stages of first realizing there is something bigger than us, choosing to worship only that which we can see and touch like trees, stones, statues, and the next step would be wondering how everything came to be and believing that something created us and everything we see, later learning that there indeed is a God, having experiences in our lives that clearly were supernatural and from our creator and realizing that, learning how to love a God we can't see but reading up and from others like minded, learning more of God. Then once we are at the point of realizing we are Gods children, and our creator is our heavenly Mother-Father God, just as the earthly parents he gives us, we go from not just the mentality of being an only child or limited to the church membership but realizing that we are sisters and brothers with everyone on the earth because all our souls were created by the same source, no half sisters or brothers, but on a spiritual level, we are all family. ITs just that we don't always treat strangers as if they are family. That is the point at which a believer starts living a really practical belief and the moment they hear God say, do this for that person, they do it immediately. Most people have trouble hearing from God. Its a process but I know older Christians who still haven't learned. God is not the harsh God made out to be. He actually is more patient than we would be if one of our kids kept messing up on the same issue over and over. He's not a dictator, and he doesn't care what people actually call him. As long as their minds have not shut out the possibility that a greater power exists and they are somewhere on the path of slowly moving forward toward a spiritual realization and later relationship with their creator, that's what God wants. We call humans by many terms and names that are not their own every day and of course we won't really know what Gods name sounds like til we're on the other side. I have a daughter who switches off calling me Mom with mom in other languages especially Japanese and German and if she didn't get my attention with Mom, she'll get it when I hear Okaa-san or Mutti.
Your church will be worried and call your friend a back slider but they do not really know where your friends heart or mind are at. Jesus didn't build churches, he met people and told them about his Father in order that people could each have a personal relationship with God as he has. If you are worried or confused about anything in particular, I will share whatever i know from my own experiences or what I've read. But ultimately how you deal with this all is up to you.
Blessings dear.

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Hello, thaks for your help. Ive made pros and cons lists for years about which program in college to stick with and when to have a baby. Ive always wanted to do the masters of Occupational therapy but got denied twice at a top school nearby. I have a good chance of getting accepted to a college thats 1 hour and 20 minutes away but it is monday through thursday 8 to 530. I want to have a baby asap because I am 27 and have lived together with my boyfriend for 6 years. Ive been putting off children for school because I have bipolar disoprder that spirals into mania if i dont take my medication and get too stressed and i cant handle a program with those hours and a child. Thats the masters of OT ill, be done in 2 years because i already have my bachelors and ill be done with school forever after that. On the other hand I can do the assistant program of occupational therapy its more flexible and I can have a baby its only 2 classes a week for 2 years but then i definitely want to get my masters in OT and have to work for a year first if i do the assistant program then 2 years of online work for the masters. I dont know if i should do the assistant program now and have a baby then do the Masters later or wait another 3 years to have a baby but ill have my masters and ill be finished in school. aI say 3 years because both programs start in september 2018. To throw a curve ball i like nursing but hate the hours they make more money i would be able to support myself and a child on my own with the assistant in occupational therapy degree ill make 40,000 to 58,000 with a masters ill make 80,000 and with nursing ill make 60,000 to 67,000. If i do the nursing program that also starts next year and would be able to have a ch8ild because i took all the classes except 8 nursing classes as well as for the assistant in ocupational therapy program i would have only 8 classes left but they would both still take 2 years.

I know plenty of couples non married who have kids together. What's important first is that you are sure that the boyfriend also wants to have this child. You have only stated that you want a child. Be sure before going down that road because guys don't stay because of a child, they take off if they are not committed to being a Dad and raising one for the next 18 years and just pay child support if you're lucky. I say this because I've raised 3 girls and my youngest now has a baby 5 months old. I have been over to watch baby many a time because even with the two of them taking turns, there are still many sleepless nights. So no matter which way you go, having a baby is like gambling, you never know what you're gonna get. Some first babies are no trouble at all, others are colicky all the time and cry and fuss, while still others seem to never get on a good sleep schedule. My granddaughter for example got to the point of sleeping all night and we thought great, we made it. But as she got a couple months older and more curious about her environment, she wanted to stay awake more and will nap 15 20 minutes max right now and stay awake an hour to hour 1/2 in between. I've witnessed this over and over. With a schedule like that 24/7, her parents are exhausted. I am sure you know that hon, but experiencing it and being in the middle of it, is a heck of a lot worse. You will of course need a daddy to help you out loads and loads. Then you need to take into account being able to pay for diapers any baby related things that run out and need to be repurchased often. If you are worried about your age for starting with a child, lots of women are waiting to have kids. I live on the west coast and my husband and I see so many couples in their 40s with their 1st child, we asked. So it wasn't grandchild. I had mine at 27, 30, and 33. I didn't feel I was too old, in fact I was even more mature as a person and more patient so that helped a lot. If you choose the asst thing instead right now cus its easier, then if you have kids, once they are older and in grade school, you could go back to school and work toward the masters, maybe seeing if you can now work PT at the asst. job but the BF needs to be willing to do whatever he has to, to help take care of the kids so you can do this, which could include working an extra part time job, making lunches for school, dropping off or picking kids up, etc. He has to be willing now, before you guys get there cus he will also find it as hard as you will. You can of course wait 3 yrs and go the other route and start trying to get pregnant close to the end of last year of school. Keep in mind, with that masters, you will want to work full time to pay off any school loans and be able to pay for childcare fulltime which is really expensive and I've heard the bad stories of Moms who had their kids in a licensed daycare but had really bad experiences, so a great daycare can be hard to find as well and I also discovered they can only have so many kids under the age of two or lose license so that made it harder for me to find childcare. If you were paying off loans and childcare on the lesser paying degree, it will eat up more of what you bring in.

Everything that you have said in here, I hope you've discussed with the BF. I don't know you two. But through my kids and others, I have seen plenty of young couples with and without kids and I see two individuals who work together as a team and are extremely in love and committed to each other. The commitment is important, in action, not the words I am committed to you, because when the hard times come and life gets more complicated when adding a kid, mothers maternal instincts make them stick with it and slog through however they can, but guys if not truly committed to you in their hearts and to the child, will find it too easy to leave the stress and disappear forever.

Sorry to harp on that hon, but I see so many young ladies on here who want to know what to do because the guy left them. So I see that as one of your big obstacles to consider. IF you haven't talked it over in depth with him considering all angles and thinking ahead of all the possible problems that could arise, you need too.

Since you're a list maker, I am sure you are terrific at considering all details and will even start now checking how many diapers a kid goes through in a day and round the number up cus it's always more when there are accidents, and take into account the cost of disposable or cloth and diaper service and come up with a total, check into the costs of childcare now and find how quickly the cost goes up as the years go by and consider that as well. And also come up with realistic ideas of what you might have to pay in school loan payments after you finish. If you have a car payment as well, you may want to pay that off before school loans start and take the place of the car loan so you don't have extra going out in bills. Hope this helps you in deciding. Best wishes dear.

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My 12 year old son and daughter (fraternal twins) recently came out as gay. Of course, I'm happy that they felt comfortable sharing this information with my husband and I and we both want to be supportive.

I admit though that I'm a little lost when it comes to the issue of sleepovers. When I was a kid, I never would've been allowed to sleep over at a boy's house for obvious reasons. I'm just not sure that those reasons apply here. I don't know if any of their friends are gay or maybe questioning. But if that were the case, are there any good reasons for not allowing same sex sleepovers if it may lead to experimentation?

They are 12 and barely starting puberty. There may be a misunderstanding here important for you to discover which it really is. Some kids feel from birth that they are the opposite gender of the body they are born into. This is what Drs. agree on that kids will know from an early age like toddlers already. A male gendered child will want to pick clothes out in the girls section and play with girl toys while the girl wants to cut her hair short, wear boy clothes and do things boys do. This is called transgender and has nothing to do with being gay. Drs call it Gender Dysphoria. Heres an article on it:
http://theweek.com/articles/459647/born-wrong-body-transgender-struggle

The kids said they are gay. It's too early to know that yet. It is safer tho for girls to explore their sexuality due to the hormones that may be appearing, or boys with the same sex. I know what I thought of myself at the age compared to how I am like now are very different. No comparison. Thing is we change so vastly in just the HS and college years alone, not to mention childhood. So I wouldn't consider it a for certain thing.

Being Gay means that sexually, you are only attracted to the same sex. Being bi is attracted to both.
Being transgender doesn't mean you are automatically gay.

So what I have for you is to read up on transgender. Then due to the fact your kids may have hid how they have always felt like the opposite sex, ask some questions along those lines to rule that out. If it turns out they are transgender, you will need to be part of family support groups. There is a lot on the internet about this.

I have my own theories which take into effect having lived previous lives. Our soul is made to forget most everything in a new life. Our souls supposedly could have also lived as the opposite sex before more often than the current sex and so it feels strange because the soul is remembering too much of the sex of a past life/lives. Considering both twins feel the same, I find that really odd. I can see one having feelings of not sure if gay or transgender but both? I have an wild imagination and the first thing that popped into my mind was that the soul meant to go to the son went into the daughter and vice versa which would not create a feeling they are gay but from an early age, that they are the opposite sex. If I'm right and its a soul remembrance thing, there is nothing than can be done to switch how a person sees their gender. All we can do is learn as much as we can how to support them. And if truly transgender, then your children can become depressed very quickly to see their bodies change into the opposite gender of how they feel. So find out because if this is true for them, you need to find medical support staff who have experience with and work with transgender kids and its mostly talks at this point but can soon involve inhibiter drugs so breasts and facial hair don't grow. good luck.

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I am 16/F and my boyfriend and me is 8 months. We never really have problems or arguments unless its about the other gender speaking to me. I use to have a good close guy friend before i gotten into this relationship. But, my friend left our school and move, so he use to text me every often just asking about me and what is going on at the school. My boyfriend didn't like him and we had an argument about us being to close,so I told my friend about the issue and he ok with us not speaking like that because I have to respect that because he do not speak to other females or outside of school. But recently I noticed he just insecure or think he going yo lose me but he stay saying he know he is not going to lose me. But,I understand I have had my own self esteem issues but he given me so much confidence that I will never think he is going to leave or disrespect me. But, when I mention that a male is decent or even a celebrity, an attitude form or I get questioned why are you even looking at him that way. But if he speak on a female I do not reply, I either agree if she is attractive or not. I do not feel jealousy or insecurity because I just have this much trust in him that I know he is not going to leave me or that I am ugly because I know he not with me just because.
Sorry, I know this is a mouth full but i want advice on how should I respond to him doing these things or boost his confidence or something. He say he trust but don't trust other people. But at times its frustrating he do not have to explain himself if he speak on a female physical apperance ,but I get an attitude or have to explain myself.
He does bring me alot of happiness, we always have good times and never argue unless that is brought up.

I can't say he'll outgrow this when he's older. As you stated, having angst about being liked and how others perceive you is something all teens worry about and over think. So for the age group, this is common behavior. Thing is, can he be set straight with reassurances or not. If not, and you can't stand being with him while he's like that, best to be. Keep this truth in mind for your lifetime girl ...that no matter how old you get, if you find a guy that you like totally as is, no changes needed, he's a keeper. If you like a few things about him but the rest is stuff you don't like or want to avoid, then you end the relationship. Then look for a guy who has those same good points and a whole lot more than the last guy, making each one a step better, never settling for the same or less because you get stuck and never learn in that case.
Here is something to look out for. Often males who are this insecure end up moving on to controlling behavior. He is already doing some of that with you. Often adult women will find that they are forbidden to look at another man but also gets cut off from her friends and family so she can't reach out for help and has only her insecure guy to deal with. It also can be mental illness setting in at worst case scenerio. It's not your job to train him how to be a better more secure person. He has to see thats where he's weak and needs help. After 30 yrs married to a man with mental health issues who would not go for help cus he believed nothing was wrong with him, I gave up and left. So he has to realize first and then want to apply himself to change. Everyone is going to have things that are their weak points. If its nothing big that will affect the health of the relationship, then you live with it. However whats going on here will affect the health of the relationship. If you are close with his mom, you might mention it to her when he's not around.
The problem is he can't see the following as normal and important: Don't expect a partner to look at only you. If he/she doesn't look at others of the opposite sex at all, it may be a sign that they are gay. In this case, He does want a woman who is visually stimulated by men. Looking at and having male friends who truly have no romantic interest in you is quite normal and he shouldn't feel he has to change his world and yours to work around it. He needs to overcome it so he can fit into society better. Don't think that if this is the only issue you can live with it. But you don't have to trust me, stay with him and see for yourself when it gets worse.

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i like this guy but we have been talking on and off for years. i would like to hang out with him but right now, i do not feel so confident about it because i have gained some weight. My question is i am not sure if he likes me back. He sometimes initiates conversation and alot of times i do. he says he\'s shy in general and not just around girls.
we talk to each other a lot and he has found me on dating sites, then messages me on there. he sometimes can be ballsy then other times he isn\'t. he has hinted in the past to hang out or it seemed like he did.
he said we\'ve been talking to each other for years and it\'s been nice but also a tease.
he has\'s also asked me about what my type was and teased me for liking girls lol. he then asked me if i wanted his number and so he gave it to me. plus gave me hints on welp you should ask me to hang out with you.\r\nwhy can\'t balls up to ask me?!
I apologize if some of this does not make sense, i am typing this fast. He does talk to me but doesn\'t always reciprocate. i take it he might not be a big texter or what. I've been really wanting to hang out with him but i am very self-conscious right now about my weight. i don\'t think he\'s talking to other girls but i am sure he is. Any advice? i don\'t think he is a big talker or goes after girls., which is awesome (does not talk about sexual stuff)


maybe the best thing is to hang out with him a bunch of times to feel him out first.


we hung out in the past and it wasn\'t good. a few years later, we apologized and reconnected. i might have other stuff to say but this is it for now, again i apologize for any errors lol. I guess it is a bad crush, i guess haha

I would like to know what happened in the past that you consider was not good. That just may shed light on something going on here that you may not be aware of that I may know about human behavior.

If he contacted you on dating sites, the guy is interested in you. He needs to spend time in person with you to get to know you better to see if he likes you and then loves you.

A real crush in most cases is very one sided where the gal is crazy about the guy but due to whatever issues her mind throws at her and the resulting lack of self confidence, she does nothing and the guy is not aware at all that she likes him.

But I can not tell from what you wrote if this is someone you've known locally and have talked to in passing or if this is all an LDR on line. Since this has dragged on for years, my guess is that its Long distance. Why? Because people who meet others on line tend to want to stay on line unless they are only using it as a tool to learn of the others existence and then take it into the real world. That's how I met my 2nd husband and after a week on line and phone calls, met in person. Spending time in person is important for several reasons to know if a relationship is going to work out. Most important, you can feel like best friends and sense a meeting of minds. I had this happen many times in a week or two of online. Then when we met in person, neither of us felt that chemistry or only one of us. Of course, I am older and older people don't have time to mess around and get right to the point, no chemistry, no relationship as a couple, maybe friends but thats it.
He's asked what your type is. There are quite a good amount of guys who get the relating to females right. He wants to know what type of guy you are looking for. Most people can't answer this question cus they have no clue and never gave it thought but I had such a list I used in finding my 2nd husband after I'd learned my lessons the hard way thru the school of hard knocks. But this is a very important question. If you want to learn how to find Mr. Right and whether this guy might be him, you'd need to work on the lists and I have a document i can paste in if you want it, just let me know by writing to me through my column, its called How to find Mr. Right. It worked for me. I also have a document on gaining self confidence for yourself. Why I recommend it, I have things about me too I have thought in past a guy may not be interested in. Just because 8 out of 10 men won't like something about me doesn't mean the other two are faking it, they will truly be attracted and love for me. No one needs to be the kind who attracts 10 out of 10 cus most of those attracted will be wrong for you. I got that alot on dating sites.
Since he's shy, he may always be shy and too quiet for you or once you've both spent time together in person for lets say up to 6 mos, he should know if he's interested enough to want to still hang around or move on. Beware that if he is painfully shy or has severe social anxiety, there's a chance he might still have it with you and never get comfortable with it even in person. Or he may be too unsure of himself, like you, for whatever reason and is waiting for you to make all the moves to be in a relationship, doing all the work for him. If he doesn't have to do anything to start a relationship with a girl who pursues him, some really shy types will glom onto you and not let go cus they are too scared to go through the process again of hunting for a mate. It's more comfortable to stay with a known quantity or situation than to move forward even if it turns out the two of you can't get along, aren't treating each other like and being each others best friend, and lack of chemistry or its so low there's no spark in romance or sex. This doesn't mean he's the perfect mate for you if you are just his security blanket and help him feel more normal for having someone he can call girlfriend. So let me know if I can help further with any specifics, otherwise, just spend time in person and often, and do lots of in depth convo's not about the weather, or whats happening in local news but the deeper stuff. If you have no clue what that is and want to know so you can do it right, just ask me.

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Hi 18/F
My bf and I have been togheter for 3 monthes now but it's getting a bit difficult for me because he is not affectionate but I am. I try not to push him too much but it makes me sad sometimes and I feel he doesn't care. I really like him. On top of that my mom is forcing me to break-up with him. Help me plz?

Have you heard of chemistry in a relationship or anything about pheremones. It certainly applies here so I will explain the connection.

Pick any two people. If one doesn't feel the same as the other, just one person interested and willing isn't going to make the other magically fall for them. If the two make the perfect best friends, there may not be any attraction for one person, like your guy, to feel the romantic connection. And both are needed to make a successful relationship, although at 18 you're both still just learning and another 5to 8 years of learning what to do and what not to do in relationships is part of what you'll need to go through. Those things are important as well. But think of the best friend part followed by being each others romantic equal or for other people with different circumstances, each others sexual equal. These both make a solid foundation for any relationship. Then you need to build upon that.
If he is not as affectionate as you wish, you may be with the wrong guy. I've heard the same thing with he'd not as communicative as me, or I am being neglected due to his gaming. All of these and more similar situations show that something is wrong. Do Oil and water mix? No. Now think of shaking a container with oil and water, trying desperately to make it mix even a little. It may look like oil broken into globs but those meld again with the rest of the oil in seconds! Some relationships are like that. The more different your pheremones, the more you'll find you do not fit well as a couple. Here's an article on it:

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/232635.php

Many sites you check will refer to 'animals' only, not humans but the fact is we are mammals, same as any animal that feeds milk to its young and the same applies to us. Heres a good example on the difference of what it feels like when kissing someone you have a real close pheromone connection with vs non at all. I have personally experienced this myself. I know when I kissed someone I had lots of connection pheremone wise, It was heavenly, exciting and I wanted more. I have also kissed someone I had no connection with at all. It felt as gross as having a romantic kiss from Dad or another male relative. Yes, gross! You can't know this ahead of time. That's one thing bad about LDRS. you can be a perfect fit mentally and as each others best friend but if you've never met yet in person, you can't know if this one little thing will end the relationship. I'll give another example using a scale of 1 to 5. This describes existance of pheremones being similar. One means non existant, 2 a few are the same, 3 half are the same, 4 more than half are the same and 5 totally the same. There are married people who are a 3,4 or 5 with their partner. The 5s are perfect, 3 and 4 is often strong enough for most people. But unfortunately there are many people who are not aware of the importance of pheromones and believe its just a matter of changing something in the relationship or changing the person's character. We can not change people, just accept them as they are currently. We also have no way of changing our pheromones. So if you are with a guy who is only a 1 or 2 on the scale, that is most likely the reason he is not affectionate, he just isn't drawn to you that way. There is always a chance he grew up in a family that was not very affectionate and easily can be still seen at this age but when he grows older, most males find a way to be affectionate with a female they are crazy about, but then just that one person. So it's up to you if you want to stay without affection or go looking for it else where. Keep in mind, guys this age think more along the lines of lust than love and will say and do anything to convince you they care and theres a great connection.

If you ever find a strong connections just dissapates over a few months, then it wasn't the real thing but NRE, new relationship energy, that heightened excitement, like a kid at christmas getting the toy they wanted. If its not perfect for their age or interests, then the newness of it fades quickly and so do relationships. Once the newness wears off, one or both will feel that connection no longer exists because in fact it really wasn't there in the first place.

Notice I didn't mention your Mom cus you learning what you like and don't like in a relationship is non of her business. She can be right about some things, seeing a potential problem with a guy because she or her friends went through the same thing, but thats not always a good gauge. My parents were happy with my ex but once we married he began to misstreat me and thats something they didn't see coming to warn me. What I've shared doesn't tell you to stay or go but gives you the important info to make your own decision

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I’ve been working at this restaurant for a few weeks. The assistant managers have been complaining about me to the manager (I’ve overheard their convo’s complaining). The manager told me i was doing a good job, but the assistant managers haven’t liked me from the beginning, now the manager is acting funny. They were complaining because I asked questions about my tasks during training the week. Isn’t that what training is for? To learn? I do all of my tasks and when they when I was done, I asked if they needed anything else done. I restock the food, clean the area, etc without asking. But sometimes the prep team needs help with dishes or something. Last week they gave me TEN hours and sent me home early so I only got seven. This week I only got FOUR hours. I was supposed to work Saturday, but the manager said that it was a slow day and i shouldn’t come. I texted him and never got a response. I suspect that the assist managers didn’t want me to come in. I’m very respectful, but quiet and don’t like drama.

Just wondering if anyone has had something similar happen and would like to tell me how they dealt with the situation. Do they want me to quit?

A daughter working as a barista in the past was getting low hours too and they couldn't fit her in the schedule for more yet and she was still kinda new there. So she told them she'd like to cover and work others shifts if they called in sick or couldn't work their shift for some reason, That alone got her the hours she wanted and she built up a clientel of favorites in the meanwhile and when they saw how good she was with the customers and how much they liked her, the store put her on full time.

Just ask and see what their policies are on scheduling hours and let them know how many you'd like to work. If they can't add more hours in a couple months time, you just may have to look for a new job.


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Everyone is knew to this restaurant that opened two weeks ago. The managers already have their favorites. I’ve overheard a couple of the co-managers talking about me to people that I work with on the sandwich line. They stood in a group yesterday, only a few feet away from me talking crap. One of my coworkers were like “You don’t like her?! Lol!.” The boss was complaining that i do such and such wrong and that I’m quiet. I made a few mistakes during the training week, but i learned from them. They were mad cause i kept asking questions about my tasks and everyone else caught on quickly. They’ve complained to the manager that hired me and the owner and had me sent home. I think that they really don’t like me because I’m quiet and because my job coach told them i had a disability.

I don’t have to communicate with customers. I just work in the kitchen. I speak to my coworkers, but I’m not super outgoing like them. I feel like the assistant managers don’t like me because of my disability. They make snide remarks and gestures behind my back like I won’t notice. Yesterday I cut my finger deep and a assistant manager sent me home early. They’re snickering and looking over at me. I just ignore it. I don’t know if I should say something because I don’t like drama. And the manager might side with the assistant managers. This happened to me before at another job and nobody wanted to work with me because the managers would gossip about me to them. I try to do the best I cam. I think they will keep complaining until i get fired, so should I quit?

You've asked this before dear. I will make it simple, call and talk to your job coach about it. She/He would not have helped place you in a job that you could not handle. The only problem here is with those who are treating you differently.

I can tell you this, a company that can hire disabled persons, can not fire them just because they don't like you. I am not disabled but had the same thing happen to me recently in fast food. They didn't like me, complained enough to top manager and eventually she never put me on the schedule so I wasn't earning any money but I was still on the books cus they had no viable reason to let me go or fire me. The same goes for you dear.

So call your job coach. I used to work for a mentally disabled gal who did work very part time and her job coach did n't just help her get the job but helped with any problems that occured along the way.

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I'm a 14 year old female. Early this morning I was about to wake up-my dream was concluding and I went to open up my eyes. However, suddenly I was frozen in place and unable to move anything. Everything around me was brown and I began to hear two male voices telling me I'd "never get out of this." My initial reaction was to call for my parents but I was unable to make any sound. This only lasted a minute or two but it was extremely scary. I really don't understand what happened and why it happened but I'd really like it to not happen again, so does anyone know about this kind of thing?

The first thing you're going to hear from anyone is that with the hearing of voices of people not there, that it could be the onset of mental disabilities. And I realize that it is a possibility. My brother started Schizophrenia around your age.
However I am open minded and believe many things. At first, until you mentioned voices, thought it was some form of sleep paralysis. If everything turned brown or colors bled out of everything, to grey or black and white, Thats what happens to many just a second or two before they pass out, like blood sugar dropping, which is possible after waking from a long sleep and not having eaten recently.

However, lastly . . . I must share things that many just don't believe in, considering it all woo-woo stuff that's not real. The spirit world is more real than you may think. I don't know how open minded your parents are. SO if they believe in God, Angels, spirit guides past lives, etc...then you will able able to tell them of your experience and get psychic help if needed. You may need to find help on your own.
I am thinking of why you might be picked on. I am talking of ghosts which are nothing more than peoples spirits who have not passed over into the light to God. They roam a certain area they feel tied to. If this is a new home, it could be they want you out. If you've been dabbling in black arts, ouiji board, it could be that unknowingly you let something in to your life. The good thing is that God has given us the abilities to use our mind and specifically our imagination to create things/situations to our benefit such as my being at a fair with daughter. For two hours, I was constantly bumped into by people not watching where they were going, at least once a minute and I am not exaggerating here. It was totally weird and something no one else would believe. I think it happened for me to remember I can use my imagination for this. I imagined something around my middle that extended far enough beyond me so that anyone reaching with their arm couldn't touch me. All around I placed a ring of flames. Then I went back to enjoyed another 2 1/2 hours where not a single person ever bumped into me. I know, sound like another exaggeration but true. One time I tested my energy field on a friend. Our energy field extends beyond us quite a ways, I visualized seeing it like a cloud that I pulled back inside of me so none went further beyond my skin and when my friend gave a hug, they felt something missing and asked if I was mad at them. Those are the best examples I can give for what i will share that you can use next. People have many visualizations for protecting themselves psychically. The only people I know who seem to have this down better than Christians is the pagans. I visualize myself in something like a bubble, giant hamster ball, its not rigid but surrounds me going through any solid matter I may be standing by, it moves with me and I tell myself this ball in the clear pure protective energy of God. I also ask for my angels to protect me and be specific. I would ask your angels that if this is mean spirit related, that they help protect you and show you how to be rid of it if it continued. If you have watched any ghost hunter shows, you'll know the ones that solve problems more often when its mean spirited ghosts, are ones with a psychic in the show besides those with their instruments. There are quacks out there and those who beleive they are psychic but have no idea what they are doing. Most such people, I've found through asking at metaphysical bookstores, the ones that have incense, pentagrams, etc and often schedule classes, one on one readings or such. You may be able to find a psychic that way.
I believe in this order how to discover whats happening: Try a psychic first, if they don't detect that it is spirit related, then next you'd have to see a Dr. to check for a sleep paralysis related thing. Lastly I recommend seeing a psychologist to get checked out to see if its a mental illness. I leave this for last because if gone to first, with your story, they will put you on medications right away which is good if that's that cause of your problem and not so good if something else is causing it. My brother was often put on the newest meds that came out which made him worse, he saw and heard more things that weren't there so he was switched back. If you can get everything else ruled out, then if you still have problems while on medication, it may not be the right one for you.
Lastly, it may be scary to just start asking but if you know any pagan gals or guys at school, find out if their parents are too and ask to talk to them, get a number and ask them to help point you in the right direction. Most psychics earn their income this way and charge for it but among pagan friends, there's bound to be others who will know someone. If you are Christian and believe this would be a very wrong move to make, I challenge you to ask God if its okay and go by what you believe you hear Him say. It should always help your situation, not be useless. If you need to get back to me on this at all, just write to me from my column dear.

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hi, my boyfriend of 2 and a half month said I like you I love you and you're an amazing woman, I think. does this mean he's serious about me or just normal for a boys to say that in an early stage of relationship? what does he mean by amazing specially? he also says we're still getting to know each other. I do love him and we've known each other for 11 months but just started to date recently. both late 20s. cheers!

Not everyone means the literal dictionary translation of a word so if you want to know what he meant, its not too late to ask. If he doesn't use that word again, then bring it up like this: The other day when you said I was amazing I know that's a compliment but I've been wondering what all it is about me that you find amazing?
Since i am not there to watch him throughout his days, I can not know if he was serious or not. Some people say love and they mean it as a stronger version of Like as in I don't like chocolate, I love chocolate. That kind of love can differ greatly from the being in Love with. Thats what I have with my 2nd husband and can say there definately is a big difference in how you are treated. Only one little caution, a Mama's boy type who simply wants a woman to be his mother but have you for sex also, will tend to come across as needy and subconsciously not realize it when they say I love you early on in a relationship. This guy has had about a year to observe you. Now that you're in relationship, he's getting to see more about you he loves, the subtler things one may not pick up from just watching a person from the distance. Yes, you're still getting to know each other, so it may be that at some point one or the other comes across a character trait or stance that you can't live with meaning it would be a deal breaker to continue on. If he says this, he isn't wanting you to get your hopes up yet, He is still saying he's in the process of checking you out more. The more you talk in depth, the faster you get to that point. But he may not be ready to commit, even though he's saying he loves you. Men see commitment often more seriously than women, the non-players that is. While women are in a hurry to have a guy commit, guys want to be 100% sure and will take their time, even if they find you fascinating and like or love you. Since you are the right age group for settling down with a mate, married or not, remember this important fact: The most solid foundation for a great relationship is 1.being each others best fried and 2.being each others sexual equal. I will explain the latter because I lived it. My first husband was not my sexual equal. Not only did he have low libido while I had the opposite, but he wasn't often aroused by me. NOt saying low libido is bad cus it's perfect if both have the same and only want sex a couple times a month rather than several times weekly. It could be different how long til he's ready to commit to only you the rest of his life if that's what you want. Knowing of each other is great but remember, he's seeing things in you while dating he hasn't before. So I am going to guess he doesn't need any longer than 6 months. If he needs a whole year to figure this one out, then either he has an issue he needed counseling for to get beyond it like thinking that because his parents or friends parents divorced, that it's inevitable to him too, or he doesn't really feel all that serious about you. IF it comes to this, decide to part for a while with no communication to see if he realizes once you're not around that he misses and needs you in his life. I will post an easy quiz composed of what men on you tube posts talked to women on how to know if a guy really loves you. This is really accurate and I've heard bits and pieces before but in this quiz, it'll really open your eyes to know where you really stand.

DOES HE LOVE ME?

Either he's doing a bad job of showing it to you or you are doing a bad job of picking up on the signals.
Why some relationships aren't working in a nut shell:
Some women give their love and devotion to a guy who doesn't deserve it, who is wrong for her
while others no matter how plain and simple the signs are of his love and devotion, they don't see it or trust it because of lack of self confidence.

1 A woman's insecurity and neediness will kill a man's love
Do you love me, do you love me? No matter what he says or does, she never believes him, even if he's never done anything to earn her distrust.
2 It's impossible to love others and be loved by others unless you love yourself first.
Don't look to a man for all your self esteem and self worth. Have it already before relationship..
3. Men do not show love the same way women do. For them it's how they feel when she is around and how she fulfills the dreams of the woman he's wanted and how possessive he feels if another man was paying too much attention to her. Some women translate love into his obsession for her and devotion while men translate her love for him as being appreciated and respected.

7 Questions to know if he really loves you


1. Does he say I love you. For some, it's a hard thing to say but they show it to you in other ways. When he says I love you, he is viewing that as a commitment to you. It is not a flippant phrase.
Saying I love you too early like during first couple dates is a warning about the guy. Its a very good chance he is needy and wanting a woman to be his mom. Other phrases from a guy count too, like you're awesome, I adore you. You're the woman I always dreamed of.
2. Does he make you a priority in his life? Guys have more than one priority...things very important to him but you should be one of top 3.
What he does for you or how he acts can't be faked easily because it's hard to lie with your body. Things he does without having to be asked, making dinner, picking up something for a collection you have, making time for you, even if it's a walk or a long phone chat. If the guy likes you, he'll make time for you at least a quarter of the time.
3 Does he tell friends about you and like to show you off? Have you been introduced to his family and friends? If he keeps you separate, he's hiding something or ashamed or fearful of something
4. Does he care about your pleasure during sex? Is he only into seeking his own pleasure or your's too. Does he open his eyes and want to have both your eyes connect while making love?
5. Does he respect and encourage you? Respect means, does he value your opinion, do you share decisions and treats you as a partner. Are you encouraged by him to have your own friends and hobbies outside the relationship and encourage you to seek your dreams and uphold you in that.
Jealousy is not love, it's control. It's okay to be protective, but jealousy shouldn't be what prompts the protectiveness
6. Do your friends and family like how he treats you? Others make a great gauge for judging a guys character.
7. Does he look at you with lust and passion in his eyes, with a hunger and thirst for you? Does he give you admiring looks, does he still want to sneak peeks down your shirt. What he sees is Very important since guys are visually stimulated. If he isn't looking anymore, he has lost his interest. All men because of this natural trait, will also view other women but do so discreetly, without being an ass about it. Don't expect a man to look at only you. If he doesn't look at other women at all, it may be a sign that he is gay. You do want a man who is visually stimulated by women.

How many points are true for you with your guy?
7 true He treats you as a Queen and he is an exceptional man
5-6 true He loves you. Just don't focus on what is lacking.
3-4 true He loves you enough to make the relationship work for him. If it's enough for you, then be content. If you feel like you're settling for less, let him go and look for something better.
1-2 true He's a douche-bag, a user or controller. Leave immediately.
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BTW, I have a man whose rates 7 and I love it.

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I should begin by saying our dad is really good at sleight of hand tricks and stuff like that. That's how he was able to pull this off.

On Sunday, my sister and I were having fun racing each other from one side of our backyard to the other. We were catching our breath between races when our dad said something and made us jump. We hadn't realized he'd come up behind us. He said he'd been watching us race and that he wanted in. He bet us that if we won, he'd do all our chores for us for a month. If he won, we'd do even more chores than usual for a month. We agreed and took our mark. When our dad yelled "Go!" we took off running as fast as we could. We were halfway to the finishing point and ahead of him when we both found ourselves being jerked off our feet and onto our butts! Dad quit running at this point and just walked to the finish line.

Turns out he'd tied a rope to the belt loops of our pants and during the race we'd run past a tree on opposite sides. I gotta give him credit, I didn't see that one coming!

Only problem is now he really does expect us to do the extra chores even though there's no way we could've won. Is it fair of him to hold us to this bet? If no, then what should we say to convince him to let us off the hook?

Is your Dad prone to doing silly things, joining the kids in what they are doing very often? I know a family where Dad was more like a big kid so if an adults opinion was needed, the kids went to Mom.

If he had not done this ever before, maybe he was trying to teach you a lesson about betting. And I would think he made his point. If this is the case, then I would think a conversation letting him know that you have learned by his bet that there are loop holes to bets and by the words actually spoken, that neither he nor you would be in the wrong. So you've learned your lesson and don't believe it's necessary to have to do extra chores for losing. If he doesn't relent, go to Mom with this. If I as a parent were trying to teach a lesson, I wouldn't hold them to it. They would still have their regular chores, not extra.

You probably thought it was a good deal initially. Companies do this all the time and you'll find this as an adult that there is always someone who tells you one thing but the opposite is written in fine print that no one reads. People learn to fool others and scam them by speaking a little truth to make it seem valid, leaving out important information instead of outright lying and other such tactics. Then you can't get out of a year long contract on phone or cable if they are doing a terrible job in service. So talk to Dad, if he doesn't relent, talk to Mom. If she feels it was a fair thing, you're stuck and have to do it.

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I'm a 14 year old girl whose 5 feet, and from my experience tall girls are always so angry and bitter. Well, not always, some tall girls are nice, but the majority of the time they are always trying to put short people, especially short girls, down and praising themselves to no end. They get so annoyed when guys like short girls and keep bitching about short girls "stealing" tall guys from them. Like I get you wanna date a guy taller than you but you can't just reserve them for yourself, lol...single guys are fair game. I don't understand why tall girls have to be so rude and bitter and bitchy. Why are they like this?

You already know the answers. When young, girls want to catch a guys interest and being as tall or taller than them makes it difficult to attract attention. If they want to appear a couple inches shorter, they have to be barefoot or wear flats which also excludes them from being able to wear the cut high heels that shorter girls wear.

If you put yourself in their place, I'm sure you'd find it irritating at the least, and likely there are plenty of bad comments like you are a giant, a giraffe or skyscraper, etc.

I am not saying that their responses and reactions are appropriate. Now think of a person who has some kind of visible deformity. Most people like that will resent the stares and thoughtless comments after a while and suspect everyone of being so and so rather than waiting to defend themselves, take a route of being on the offense, doing what they can to keep people at arms length.
If people who get teased, bullied, stared at all their life, the best thing is to learn how to put other people at ease. I am short but if I were tall, I would beat people to the remarks by sharing jokes about my stature . If I had a visible disability, I would likely explain to people my condition and may the first attempt to converse. There are girls who are taller, and even at 5'10 are two inches shorter than 6 ft guys. But if a gal is much taller, she'll have problems including shoes and clothing that fit. Most pants will be too short. They have shops for extra tall men to find clothes but not for women as tall women are more rare than tall men. It would suck not being able to walk into just any store.

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this is so random, but its bothering me so much because i really want the answer and no matter what i search, i cant find my answer. their is a group of female dancers called "cherry bombs" they dance to rock music, and do pole dancing and fire stuff. they are awesome! you can google "cherry bombs dancers" and find them super fast. my question is what style of dancing are they doing? when they are on stage just dancing to the music without all the fancy pole and stuff. im asking because i really want to learn how to dance, and id love to learn to dance like they do. but i cant even start youtubing or searching for a dance class that teaches that kind of dancing because im not quite sure what style of dance it is.

Didn't know there was a name for it but I've seen this kind of dancing before.
My opinion is that it is a combination of dancing styles.
Their flexibility in doing splits or high leg stretches or kicks is what ballet dance will help with. YOu'd need that kind of flexibility. Can't say all ever had some ballet dance in their past but it couldn't hurt.
Some of the videos I saw reminded me more of Las Vegas caberet dancers, all for the flashy, eye catching costumes and choreagraphed moves where they all moved together at once. As far as choreographed dancing, it reminds me also of the dancing in movies about choreographic dancing. Not that all the moves are exactly the same but a lot of it is, and think of it in different attire, and some of the faster move's with arms, legs slowed down a bit. This comes closest. Watch this clip on people performing choreography dance and you'll see the similarities here more than anywhere else.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5qpDrmyO0E

I still maintain that cherry dancing is a combo, borrowing moves learns from ballet, cabaret and choreographed, maybe street dancing styles. You may have to take a little of each. If limber enough, you may not need any ballet background, just go for any classes in choreographic dance. I don't think there is such a thing as classes for cherry bomb dancing as its a combo of things from many dance styles. It probably wouldn't hurt to learn some latin dances as they are such seductive dancing, that it would help with knowing how to move seductively which is also part of how cherry bomb comes across. In fact, I would term it, seductive choreographic dance. Good luck.

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Hello! I’m currently a senior in college and I’m 21 years old. i’m currently seeking advice that relates to a guy I’m currently talking too who is also in college and is 22. Basically we started talking a little over a month ago and met on Tinder. I actually had made a tinder because I was bored not because I wanted a hook up. Turns out I messaged him first and we really hit it off. And we eventually started texting. So far we have been on two days and they both have been really great and he said I made a good impression. The only issue is that he isn’t a big texter. He was honest with me and told me that he isn’t on his phone a lot and he responds to me sometimes 5-6 hours later. But when he does respond he aplogizes for responding back so late. Anyways, I’m really interested in him and really would like to spend more time with him. i’m afraid to tell him that though because I don’t want to come off as clingly or desperate. Also we haven’t really talked about what either of us are looking for. I know that he doesn’t want to hook up but how do I bring up that conversation without scaring him off" Also is it too early to ask him if he’s interested in me" Maybe I’m just over thinking it....

I'm another older person and unlike adviceman, got divorced. I am now married to a wonderful man for 8 years so I did internet dating profile before that to meet him and can give you my story. People are all different enough that what works for one may not work for another but there are some truths that remain the 'same for all' and I will let you know with that phrase. I have no problem with the female making first contact. I did that on occasion. I have no problem with internet site as a way to meet someone. What I do have a problem with is that people stay in the internet followed by phone calls or texts for too long or forever and that will cause the following problems:

Trust can't develop, the relationship only has emotions invested in it, like the ones you feel at a particularly sad movie and once its over, you're back to your happy self even if you shed tears. And lastly, no guarantee that there will be chemistry and without it, no matter how well you enjoy how they think it will be the straw that broke the camels back. Think of all the kisses you've ever gotten. Some great, some not as great and maybe even a kiss that brought on revulsion in you. Peoples pheromones have a play here. The more alike your pheremones, the stronger the attraction and bond you will forge, the less there is, the more so so the relationship is meaning it has its good points but has an equal measure of bad points. And if no pheremones alike at all, romance, kissing and sex will all be bad, gross and it will have nothing to do with technique in the end. I say all this to explain how important it is that the two of you meet in person a few times to determine if there's pheremone connection as well as emotionally in chat or the web.

Adviceman is right, that when two people are ready to commit to a relationship, you'll know in 3 or 4 dates. A guy who dates but isn't ready to commit to one woman, will not make any mention to confirm the relationship in some way by that time. Both the husband and I had been married previously to not very nice people. We'd learned by our mistakes, we had matured as people and so after a week of phone calls nightly, we met in person and on the third week, we knew we'd found who we wanted to be with the rest of our lives and he asked me to marry him.
Dating is mostly for discovering the person you want to commit to life long whether with or without a marriage certificate. Those who date years on end without any commitment are either using the other as a social pal to go out with to movies or events with, or they are co-habitating partners or friends with benefits but internally in one or both, there is no commitment in ones mind and heart to the other. This is why females are shocked when a bf or husband finds it easy to have affairs when she assumed they had a commitment. No, a marriage proposal or contract is worthless unless the commitment is there in a persons heart and mind and you'll know the difference by how they treat you.

All good healthy relationships have two things in common, they are best of friends and they are both each others sexual equal. My ex had low libido and I had high and there were other problems as well. But there's nothing wrong with becoming friends first. So don't even worry about romance and kisses and more yet. You need to hit it off as friends spending time together in person, before moving on to the rest. Sometimes it seems to happen simultaneously but at some point two people realized in one or two meets that they already are acting like best of friends. Some people your age grow up with all this technology unlike my generation and get stuck in it, never moving on to face to face relationships and I don't mean video chat via electronics either.

So what needs to happen is that the two of you meet as friends. If your focus is first on finding a male you can be best friends with, then that's the place to start and no one even a male will assume you are clingy or desperate for just wanting to hang out with a friend. If not meeting first time face to face but in internet, then the only thing that can determine if the male remains a male friend or moves on to lover as well is whether he feels any chemistry with you, the kind needed to become lovers. You can love a friend non sexually and give a kiss greeting in hello, goodbye with out there being chemistry for becoming lovers. Think of it, how many times you got hugs from male family members, even kisses and it didn't mean anything else.
Invite him to some event in the area. Lets say you both have an interest in rocks and theres a rock and gem show coming up. You ask if he'd like to go to something like that with you. If you have no idea what things you might have in common, guess. Maybe during the holidays, a nearby mall has a free christmas concert or nearby high schools putting on a christmas play. It doesnt have to be real expensive. When you have the right person, what makes life more fun and exciting is having that special someone to experience it along side you, even if its the mundane stuff like grocery shopping. Other than a run to get one item forgotten or needed, I shop with my husband because we want to do it togehter. Makes the ho-hum task more fun having your sweetheart with you and wanting to be with you. This is what you are likely looking for. So discover as friends, what you enjoy doing together.
I will say, out of 4 dates, you shouldn't be initiating all 4. He needs to show equal interest in discovering if you are right for him or not and as I explained, theres things he can't know til he meets you. So if he can't find the willingness to invite you to an equal number of events at the very least, then he's a fool because he can't totally know if he's going to be interested in you and so its not worth wasting the time with him. These are personality traits you can't pick up through Tinder site but learn along the way. So don't be hard on yourself, just realize at what point he isn't showing interest in taking equal part and move on.
If he is willing to still see you after 3, 4 times and he initiated those dates, then there is some interest on his part. This is the point at which it is perfectly normal if not very important to discuss each others expectations, what you're looking for, and setting boundaries. Of course I was older when meeting single guys my age after a divorce, but the importance of what I just mentioned was just as valid. In fact, once met online, I always scheduled a face to face at a coffee shop, no big investment like a dinner. And since we're not stuffing our faces, it was easier to talk. They already knew from my dating profile what I described myself as, the strengths and weakness, like a resume for the most important job in your whole life. You need to be able to understand yourself before you can know what kind of traits you Need in a guy. Taking myself as example, the ex was verbally abusive and had a temper. So I required a man who had control of his emotions, wouldn't raise his voice to me, wasn't judgemental and would build me up verbally instead of tear me down. Don't think a man will only treat you good while talking about and treating others badly. After a coffee meet where we decided to go out on dates, the guy had fooled me so far but I was no innocent and knew what to look for. He let down his guard and showed his real self at the 3rd date, not counting coffee meet up. IT was dinner at his house he cooked. When I arrived to a spotless house, he began to make excuses for his house being a mess and used angry derogatory words to describe his maid and say hateful things about her but then talk nicely to me. Been there, done that. I knew that wherever there was a glimpse of a behavior I did not like showing through a crack in that polished self he was showing, that there would be more buried inside him just waiting to come out. It would be a matter of time before he turned that behavior on me like my ex husband. So I made a decision not to confront him, acted like nothing was amiss, for my safety and days later when he called, told him I'd given it that many dates to see if I felt different but I still didn't feel enough chemistry to make it happen. No way was I going to have another guy sending hateful messages to my phone. If you catch a guy in a lie, then he will lie again and you will never know if you c an trust him. Just a few examples of what to look for. Since you are pretty much starting out dating, and high school doesn't count in my book as real dating, thats more like playing games, you are not going to have as much experience to look back on. So along the way, if anything he says, doesn't make sense, then ask for clarification. Decide what you want in a guy and ask for it and if its not there or he changes on you somewhere early on, you tell him you're not interested and keep it that way. His being sorry won't make him change behavior. And don't take a guy because he's promised to change to be the right guy for you, do not do the same for him either. YOu have to find a person who is perfect already as they are, in case nothing changes for the better as they mature through life.
Also, many guys are not ready to think about a life long partner, wife or being a daddy in the future sometime, at his age range. Yes there are plenty guys who get married at those ages and divorced sometime after. Yes there are those like adviceman who married at that age and stayed married for life but those type of guys are fewer. If anything comes up that confuses you along the was or you feel you need more pointers, just write me because I have lots to share of all the stages along the way. Men are attracted to women who are self confident so I have a document on that to paste in, one on how to find Mr. Right,which includes a list of needs or must haves and how to go about having that to compare the guys you meet as prospects, and finally if he's saying I love you but you aren't quite sure you can trust that, I have a simple 7 question test you can answer and depending on the score, you discover whether he really truly loves you or not, or does but not enough to keep you happy and that test is based on what I've gleaned from male dating experts on you tube who gear their lessons for women to understand how a man thinks so this list is legit in being helpful. I couldn't give you a simple answer as there is much to know before you can even start down the right path is dating and relationships and I hope what I've shared will help equip you better to move ahead with this guy if he is willing to do so.

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